"IconsiderthatshowinghospitalitytotheSmithly-DubbsiscarryingFreeFoodprinciplestoaregrettableextreme，"saidLadyDrakmanton；"I'veentertainedtheJonesesandtheBrownsandtheSnapheimersandtheLubrikoffs，andheapsofotherswhosenamesI
　　forget，butIdon'tseewhyIshouldinflictthesocietyoftheMissesSmithly-Dubbonmyselfforasolidhour。Imagineit，sixtyminutes，moreorless，ofunrelentinggobbleandgabble。Whycan'tYOUtakethemon，Milly？"sheasked，turninghopefullytohersister。
　　"Idon'tknowthem，"saidMillyhastily。
　　"Allthebetter；youcanpassyourselfoffasme。Peoplesaythatwearesoalikethattheycanhardlytellusapart，andI'veonlyspokentothesetiresomeyoungwomenabouttwiceinmylife，atcommittee-rooms，andbowedtothemintheclub。Anyoftheclubpage-boyswillpointthemouttoyou；they'realwaystobefoundlollingaboutthehalljustbeforelunch-time。"
　　"MydearBetty，don'tbeabsurd，"protestedMilly；"I'vegotsomepeoplelunchingwithmeattheCarltonto-morrow，andI'mleavingTownthedayafterwards。"
　　"Whattimeisyourlunchto-morrow？"askedLadyDrakmantonreflectively。
　　"Twoo'clock，"saidMilly。
　　"Good，"saidhersister；"theSmithly-Dubbsshalllunchwithmeto-
　　morrow。Itshallberatheranamusinglunch-party。Atleast，I
　　shallbeamused。"
　　Thelasttworemarksshemadetoherself。Otherpeopledidnotalwaysappreciateherideasofhumour。SirJamesneverdid。
　　ThenextdayLadyDrakmantonmadesomemarkedvariationsinherusualtoileteffects。Shedressedherhairinanunaccustomedmanner，andputonahatthataddedtothetransformationofherappearance。WhenshehadmadeoneortwominoralterationsshewassufficientlyunlikeherusualsmartselftoproducesomehesitationinthegreetingwhichtheMissesSmithly-Dubbbestowedonherintheclub-lobby。Sheresponded，however，withareadinesswhichsettheirdoubtsatrest。
　　"WhatistheCarltonlikeforlunchingin？"sheaskedbreezily。
　　Therestaurantreceivedanenthusiasticrecommendationfromthethreesisters。
　　"Let'sgoandlunchthere，shallwe？"shesuggested，andinafewminutes'timetheSmithly-Dubbmindwascontemplatingatclosequartersahappyvistaofbakedmeatsandapprovedvintage。
　　"Areyougoingtostartwithcaviare？Iam，"confidedLadyDrakmanton，andtheSmithly-Dubbsstartedwithcaviare。Thesubsequentdisheswerechoseninthesameambitiousspirit，andbythetimetheyhadarrivedatthewildduckcourseitwasbeginningtobearatherexpensivelunch。
　　Theconversationhardlykeptpacewiththebrilliancyofthemenu。
　　RepeatedreferencesonthepartofthegueststothelocalpoliticalconditionsandprospectsinSirJames'sconstituencyweremetwithvague"ahs"and"indeeds"fromLadyDrakmanton，whomighthavebeenexpectedtobespeciallyinterested。
　　"IthinkwhentheInsuranceActisalittlebetterunderstooditwilllosesomeofitspresentunpopularity，"hazardedCeciliaSmithly-Dubb。
　　"Willit？Idaresay。I'mafraidpoliticsdon'tinterestmeverymuch，"saidLadyDrakmanton。
　　ThethreeMissSmithly-DubbsputdowntheircupsofTurkishcoffeeandstared。Thentheybrokeintoprotestinggiggles。
　　"Ofcourse，you'rejoking，"theysaid。
　　"Notme，"wasthedisconcertinganswer；"Ican'tmakeheadortailofthesebotheringoldpolitics。Nevercould，andneverwantto。
　　I'vequiteenoughtodotomanagemyownaffairs，andthat'safact。"
　　"But，"exclaimedAmandaSmithly-Dubb，withasquealofbewildermentbreakingintohervoice，"IwastoldyouspokesoinforminglyabouttheInsuranceActatoneofoursocialevenings。"
　　ItwasLadyDrakmantonwhostarednow。"Doyouknow，"shesaid，withascaredlookaroundher，"ratheradreadfulthingishappening。I'msufferingfromacompletelossofmemory。Ican'teventhinkwhoIam。Iremembermeetingyousomewhere，andI
　　rememberyouaskingmetocomeandlunchwithyouhere，andthatI
　　acceptedyourkindinvitation。Beyondthatmymindisapositiveblank。"
　　Thescaredlookwastransferredwithintensifiedpoignancytothefacesofhercompanions。
　　"YOUaskedUStolunch，"theyexclaimedhurriedly。Thatseemedamoreimmediatelyimportantpointtoclearupthanthequestionofidentity。
　　"Oh，no，"saidthevanishinghostess，"THATIdorememberabout。
　　Youinsistedonmycomingherebecausethefeedingwassogood，andImustsayitcomesuptoallyousaidaboutit。Averynicelunchit'sbeen。WhatI'mworryingaboutiswhoonearthamI？Ihaven'tthefaintestnotion？"
　　"YouareLadyDrakmanton，"exclaimedthethreesistersinchorus。
　　"Now，don'tmakefunofme，"shereplied，crossly，"Ihappentoknowherquitewellbysight，andsheisn'tabitlikeme。Andit'sanoddthingyoushouldhavementionedher，foritsohappensshe'sjustcomeintotheroom。Thatladyinblack，withtheyellowplumeinherhat，thereoverbythedoor。"
　　TheSmithly-Dubbslookedintheindicateddirection，andtheuneasinessintheireyesdeepenedintohorror。InoutwardappearancetheladywhohadjustenteredtheroomcertainlycamerathernearertotheirrecollectionoftheirMember'swifethantheindividualwhowassittingattablewiththem。
　　"WhoAREyou，then，ifthatisLadyDrakmanton？"theyaskedinpanic-strickenbewilderment。
　　"ThatisjustwhatIdon'tknow，"wastheanswer；"andyoudon'tseemtoknowmuchbetterthanIdo。"
　　"Youcameuptousintheclub——"
　　"Inwhatclub？"
　　"TheNewDidactic，inCalaisStreet。"
　　"TheNewDidactic！"exclaimedLadyDrakmantonwithanairofreturningillumination；"thankyousomuch。Ofcourse，IremembernowwhoIam。I'mEllenNiggle，oftheLadies'BrasspolishingGuild。TheClubemploysmetocomenowandthenandseetothepolishingofthebrassfittings。That'showIcametoknowLadyDrakmantonbysight；she'sveryoftenintheClub。Andyouaretheladieswhosokindlyaskedmeouttolunch。Funnyhowitshouldallhaveslippedmymemory，allofasudden。Theunaccustomedgoodfoodandwinemusthavebeentoomuchforme；forthemomentIreallycouldn'tcalltomindwhoIwas。Goodgracious，"shebrokeoffsuddenly，"it'stenpasttwo；IshouldbeatapolishingjobinWhitehall。Imustscuttleofflikeagiddyrabbit。Thankingyoueverso。"
　　Shelefttheroomwithascuttlesufficientlysuggestiveoftheanimalshehadmentioned，butthegiddinesswasallonthesideofherinvoluntaryhostesses。Therestaurantseemedtobespinningroundthem；andthebillwhenitappeareddidnothingtorestoretheircomposure。Theywereasnearlyintearsasitispermissibletobeduringtheluncheonhourinareallygoodrestaurant。
　　Financiallyspeaking，theywerewellabletoaffordtheluxuryofanelaboratelunch，buttheirideasonthesubjectofentertainingdifferedverysharply，accordingtothecircumstancesofwhethertheyweredispensingorreceivinghospitality。Tohavefedthemselvesliberallyattheirownexpensewas，perhaps，anextravagancetobedeplored，but，atanyrate，theyhadhadsomethingfortheirmoney；tohavedrawnanunknownandsociallyunremunerativeEllenNiggleintothenetoftheirhospitalitywasacatastrophethattheycouldnotcontemplatewithanydegreeofcalmness。
　　TheSmithly-Dubbsneverquiterecoveredfromtheirunnervingexperience。Theyhavegivenuppoliticsandtakentodoinggood。
　　ABREADANDBUTTERMISS
　　"StarlingChatterandOakhillhavebothdroppedbackinthebetting，"saidBertievanTahn，throwingthemorningpaperacrossthebreakfasttable。
　　"ThatleavesNurseryTeapracticallyfavourite，"saidOdoFinsberry。
　　"NurseryTeaandPipeclayareatthetopofthebettingatpresent，"
　　saidBertie，"butthatFrenchhorse，LeFiveO'Clock，seemstobefanciedasmuchasanything。ThenthereisWhitebait，andthePolishhorsewithanamelikesomeonetryingtostifleasneezeinchurch；theybothseemtohavealotofsupport。"
　　"It'sthemostopenDerbythere'sbeenforyears，"saidOdo。
　　"It'ssimplynogoodtryingtopickthewinneronform，"saidBertie；"onemustjusttrusttoluckandinspiration。"
　　"Thequestioniswhethertotrusttoone'sowninspiration，orsomebodyelse's。SportingSwankgivesCountPalatinetowin，andLeFiveO'Clockforaplace。"
　　"CountPalatine——thataddsanothertoourlistofperplexities。
　　Goodmorning，SirLulworth；haveyouafancyfortheDerbybyanychance？"
　　"Idon'tusuallytakemuchinterestinturfmatters，"saidSirLulworth，whohadjustmadehisappearance，"butIalwaysliketohaveabetontheGuineasandtheDerby。Thisyear，Iconfess，it'sratherdifficulttopickoutanythingthatseemsmarkedlybetterthananythingelse。WhatdoyouthinkofSnowBunting？"
　　"SnowBunting？"saidOdo，withagroan，"there'sanotherofthem。
　　Surely，SnowBuntinghasnoearthlychance？"
　　"Myhousekeeper'snephew，whoisashoeing-smithinthemountedsectionoftheChurchLads'Brigade，andanauthorityonhorseflesh，expectshimtobeamongthefirstthree。"
　　"Thenephewsofhousekeepersareinvariablyoptimists，"saidBertie；
　　"it'sakindofnaturalreactionagainsttheprofessionalpessimismoftheiraunts。"
　　"Wedon'tseemtogetmuchfurtherinoursearchfortheprobablewinner，"saidMrs。deClaux；"themoreIlistentoyouexpertsthemorehopelesslybefoggedIget。"
　　"It'sallverywelltoblameus，"saidBertietohishostess；"youhaven'tproducedanythinginthewayofaninspiration。"
　　"MyinspirationconsistedinaskingyoudownforDerbyweek，"
　　retortedMrs。deClaux；"IthoughtyouandOdobetweenyoumightthrowsomelightonthequestionofthemoment。"
　　FurtherrecriminationswerecutshortbythearrivalofLolaPevensey，whofloatedintotheroomwithanairofgraciousapology。
　　"Sosorrytobesolate，"sheobserved，makingarapidtourofinspectionofthebreakfastdishes。
　　"Didyouhaveagoodnight？"askedherhostesswithperfunctorysolicitude。
　　"Quite，thankyou，"saidLola；"Idreamtamostremarkabledream。"
　　Aflutter，indicativeofgeneralboredom；wentroundthetable。
　　Otherpeople'sdreamsareaboutasuniversallyinterestingasaccountsofotherpeople'sgardens，orchickens，orchildren。
　　"IdreamtaboutthewinneroftheDerby，"saidLola。
　　Aswiftreactionofattentiveinterestsetin。
　　"Dotelluswhatyoudreamt，"cameinachorus。
　　"ThereallyremarkablethingaboutitisthatI'vedreamtittwonightsrunning，"saidLola，finallydecidingbetweentheallurementsofsausagesandkedgeree；"thatiswhyIthoughtitworthmentioning。Youknow，whenIdreamthingstwoorthreenightsinsuccession，italwaysmeanssomething；Ihavespecialpowersinthatway。Forinstance，Ioncedreamedthreetimesthatawingedlionwasflyingthroughtheskyandoneofhiswingsdroppedoff，andhecametothegroundwithacrash；justafterwardstheCampanileatVenicefelldown。ThewingedlionisthesymbolofVenice，youknow，"sheaddedfortheenlightenmentofthosewhomightnotbeversedinItalianheraldry。"Then，"shecontinued，"justbeforethemurderoftheKingandQueenofServiaIhadavividdreamoftwocrownedfigureswalkingintoaslaughter-housebythebanksofabigriver，whichItooktobetheDanube；andonlytheotherday——"
　　"Dotelluswhatyou'vedreamtabouttheDerby，"interruptedOdoimpatiently。
　　"Well，Isawthefinishoftheraceasclearlyasanything；andonehorsewoneasily，almostinacanter，andeverybodycriedout'BreadandButterwins！GoodoldBreadandButter。'Iheardthenamedistinctly，andI'vehadthesamedreamtwonightsrunning。"
　　"BreadandButter，"saidMrs。deClaux，"now，whateverhorsecanthatpointto？Why——ofcourse；NurseryTea！"
　　Shelookedroundwiththetriumphantsmileofasuccessfulunravellerofmystery。
　　"HowaboutLeFiveO'Clock？"interposedSirLulworth。
　　"Itwouldfiteitherofthemequallywell，"saidOdo；"canyourememberanydetailsaboutthejockey'scolours？Thatmighthelpus。"
　　"Iseemtorememberaglimpseoflemonsleevesorcap，butIcan'tbesure，"saidLola，afterduereflection。
　　"Thereisn'talemonjacketorcapintherace，"saidBertie，referringtoalistofstartersandjockeys；"can'tyourememberanythingabouttheappearanceofthehorse？Ifitwereathick-setanimal，thisbreadandbutterwouldtypifyNurseryTea；andifitwerethin，ofcourse，itwouldmeanLeFiveO'Clock。"
　　"Thatseemssoundenough，"saidMrs。deClaux；"dothink，Loladear，whetherthehorseinyourdreamwasthinorstoutlybuilt。"
　　"Ican'trememberthatitwasoneortheother，"saidLola；"onewouldn'tnoticesuchadetailintheexcitementofafinish。"
　　"Butthiswasasymbolicanimal，"saidSirLulworth；"ifitweretotypifythickorthinbreadandbuttersurelyitoughttohavebeeneitherasbulkyandtubbyasashirecart-horse；orasthinasaheraldicleopard。"
　　"I'mafraidyouareratheracarelessdreamer，"saidBertieresentfully。
　　"Ofcourse，atthemomentofdreamingIthoughtIwaswitnessingarealrace，nottheportentofone，"saidLola；"otherwiseIshouldhaveparticularlynoticedallhelpfuldetails。"
　　"TheDerbyisn'truntillto-morrow，"saidMrs。deClaux；"doyouthinkyouarelikelytohavethesamedreamagainto-night？Ifso；
　　youcanfixyourattentionontheimportantdetailoftheanimal'sappearance。"
　　"I'mafraidIshan'tsleepatallto-night，"saidLolapathetically；
　　"everyfifthnightIsufferfrominsomnia，andit'sdueto-night。"
　　"It'smostprovoking，"saidBertie；"ofcourse，wecanbackbothhorses，butitwouldbemuchmoresatisfactorytohaveallourmoneyonthewinner。Can'tyoutakeasleeping-draught，orsomething？"
　　"Oakleaves，soakedinwarmwaterandputunderthebed，arerecommendedbysome，"saidMrs。deClaux。
　　"AglassofBenedictine，withadropofeau-de-Cologne——"saidSirLulworth。
　　"Ihavetriedeveryknownremedy，"saidLola，withdignity；"I'vebeenamartyrtoinsomniaforyears。"
　　"Butnowwearebeingmartyrstoit，"saidOdosulkily；"I
　　particularlywanttolandabigcoupoverthisrace。"
　　"Idon'thaveinsomniaformyownamusement，"snappedLola。
　　"Letushopeforthebest，"saidMrs。deClauxsoothingly；"to-nightmayproveanexceptiontothefifth-nightrule。"
　　ButwhenbreakfasttimecameroundagainLolareportedablanknightasfarasvisionswereconcerned。
　　"Idon'tsupposeIhadasmuchastenminutes'sleep，and，certainly，nodreams。"
　　"I'msosorry，foryoursakeinthefirstplace，andoursaswell，"
　　saidherhostess；"doyouthinkyoucouldinduceashortnapafterbreakfast？Itwouldbesogoodforyou——andyouMIGHTdreamsomething。Therewouldstillbetimeforustogetourbetson。"
　　"I'lltryifyoulike，"saidLola；"itsoundsratherlikeasmallchildbeingsenttobedindisgrace。"
　　"I'llcomeandreadtheEncyclopaediaBritannicatoyouifyouthinkitwillmakeyousleepanysooner，"saidBertieobligingly。
　　Rainwasfallingtoosteadilytopermitofoutdooramusement，andthepartysufferedconsiderablyduringthenexttwohoursfromtheabsolutequietthatwasenforcedalloverthehouseinordertogiveLolaeverychanceofachievingslumber。Eventheclickofbilliardballswasconsideredapossiblefactorofdisturbance，andthecanarieswerecarrieddowntothegardener'slodge，whilethecuckooclockinthehallwasmuffledunderseverallayersofrugs。A
　　notice，"PleasedonotKnockorRing，"waspostedonthefrontdooratBertie'ssuggestion，andguestsandservantsspokeintragicwhispersasthoughthedreadpresenceofdeathorsicknesshadinvadedthehouse。Theprecautionsprovedofnoavail：Lolaaddedasleeplessmorningtoawakefulnight，andthebetsofthepartyhadtobeimpartiallydividedbetweenNurseryTeaandtheFrenchColt。
　　"Soprovokingtohavetosplitoutbets，"saidMrs。deClaux，asherguestsgatheredinthehalllaterintheday，waitingfortheresultoftherace。
　　"Ididmybestforyou，"saidLola，feelingthatshewasnotgettingherdueshareofgratitude；"ItoldyouwhatIhadseeninmydreams，abrownhorse，calledBreadandButter，winningeasilyfromalltherest。"
　　"What？"screamedBertie，jumpingupfromhissea，"abrownhorse！
　　Miserablewoman，youneversaidawordaboutit'sbeingabrownhorse。"
　　"Didn'tI？"falteredLola；"IthoughtItoldyouitwasabrownhorse。Itwascertainlybrowninbothdreams。ButIdon'tseewhatthecolourhasgottodowithit。NurseryTeaandLeFiveO'Clockarebothchestnuts。"
　　"MercifulHeaven！Doesn'tbrownbreadandbutterwithasprinklingoflemoninthecolourssuggestanythingtoyou？"ragedBertie。
　　Aslow，cumulativegroanbrokefromtheassemblyasthemeaningofhiswordsgraduallydawnedonhishearers。
　　ForthesecondtimethatdayLolaretiredtotheseclusionofherroom；shecouldnotfacetheuniversallooksofreproachdirectedatherwhenWhitebaitwasannouncedwinneratthecomfortablepriceoffourteentoone。
　　BERTIE'SCHRISTMASEVE
　　ItwasChristmasEve，andthefamilycircleofLukeSteffink，Esq。，wasaglowwiththeamiabilityandrandommirthwhichtheoccasiondemanded。Alongandlavishdinnerhadbeenpartakenof，waitshadbeenroundandsungcarols；thehouse-partyhadregaleditselfwithmorecarolingonitsownaccount，andtherehadbeenrompingwhich，eveninapulpitreference，couldnothavebeencondemnedasragging。Inthemidstofthegeneralglow，however，therewasoneblackunkindledcinder。
　　BertieSteffink，nephewoftheaforementionedLuke，hadearlyinlifeadoptedtheprofessionofne'er-do-weel；hisfatherhadbeensomethingofthekindbeforehim。AttheageofeighteenBertiehadcommencedthatroundofvisitstoourColonialpossessions，soseemlyanddesirableinthecaseofaPrinceoftheBlood，sosuggestiveofinsincerityinayoungmanofthemiddle-class。HehadgonetogrowteainCeylonandfruitinBritishColumbia，andtohelpsheeptogrowwoolinAustralia。AttheageoftwentyhehadjustreturnedfromsomesimilarerrandinCanada，fromwhichitmaybegatheredthatthetrialhegavetothesevariousexperimentswasofthesummarydrum-headnature。LukeSteffink，whofulfilledthetroubledroleofguardiananddeputy-parenttoBertie，deploredthepersistentmanifestationofthehominginstinctonhisnephew'spart，andhissolemnthanksearlierinthedayfortheblessingofreportingaunitedfamilyhadnoreferencetoBertie'sreturn。
　　ArrangementshadbeenpromptlymadeforpackingtheyouthofftoadistantcornerofRhodesia，whencereturnwouldbeadifficultmatter；thejourneytothisuninvitingdestinationwasimminent，infactamorecarefulandwillingtravellerwouldhavealreadybeguntothinkabouthispacking。HenceBertiewasinnomoodtoshareinthefestivespiritwhichdisplayeditselfaroundhim，andresentmentsmoulderedwithinhimattheeager，self-absorbeddiscussionofsocialplansforthecomingmonthswhichheheardonallsides。
　　Beyonddepressinghisuncleandthefamilycirclegenerallybysinging"Sayaurevoir，andnotgood-bye，"hehadtakennopartintheevening'sconviviality。
　　Eleveno'clockhadstrucksomehalf-hourago，andtheelderSteffinksbegantothrowoutsuggestionsleadinguptothatprocesswhichtheycalledretiringforthenight。
　　"Come，Teddie，it'stimeyouwereinyourlittlebed，youknow，"
　　saidLukeSteffinktohisthirteen-year-oldson。
　　"That'swherewealloughttobe，"saidMrs。Steffink。
　　"Therewouldn'tberoom，"saidBertie。
　　Theremarkwasconsideredtoborderonthescandalous；everybodyateraisinsandalmondswiththenervousindustryofsheepfeedingduringthreateningweather。
　　"InRussia，"saidHoraceBordenby，whowasstayinginthehouseasaChristmasguest，"I'vereadthatthepeasantsbelievethatifyougointoacow-houseorstableatmidnightonChristmasEveyouwillheartheanimalstalk。They'resupposedtohavethegiftofspeechatthatonemomentoftheyear。"
　　"Oh，DOlet'sALLgodowntothecow-houseandlistentowhatthey'vegottosay！"exclaimedBeryl，towhomanythingwasthrillingandamusingifyoudiditinatroop。
　　Mrs。Steffinkmadealaughingprotest，butgaveavirtualconsentbysaying，"Wemustallwrapupwell，then。"Theideaseemedascatterbrainedonetoher，andalmostheathenish，butifaffordedanopportunityfor"throwingtheyoungpeopletogether，"andassuchshewelcomedit。Mr。HoraceBordenbywasayoungmanwithquitesubstantialprospects，andhehaddancedwithBerylatalocalsubscriptionballasufficientnumberoftimestowarranttheauthorisedinquiryonthepartoftheneighbourswhether"therewasanythinginit。"ThoughMrs。Steffinkwouldnothaveputitinsomanywords，shesharedtheideaoftheRussianpeasantrythatonthisnightthebeastmightspeak。
　　Thecow-housestoodatthejunctionofthegardenwithasmallpaddock，anisolatedsurvival，inasuburbanneighbourhood；ofwhathadoncebeenasmallfarm。LukeSteffinkwascomplacentlyproudofhiscow-houseandhistwocows；hefeltthattheygavehimastampofsoliditywhichnonumberofWyandottesorOrpingtonscouldimpart。Theyevenseemedtolinkhiminasortofinconsequentwaywiththosepatriarchswhoderivedimportancefromtheirfloatingcapitalofflocksandherbs，he-assesandshe-asses。Ithadbeenananxiousandmomentousoccasionwhenhehadhadtodecidedefinitelybetween"theByre"and"theRanch"forthenamingofhisvillaresidence。ADecembermidnightwashardlythemomenthewouldhavechosenforshowinghisfarm-buildingtovisitors，butsinceitwasafinenight，andtheyoungpeoplewereanxiousforanexcuseforamildfrolic，Lukeconsentedtochaperontheexpedition。Theservantshadlongsincegonetobed，sothehousewasleftinchargeofBertie，whoscornfullydeclinedtostiroutonthepretextoflisteningtobovineconversation。
　　"Wemustgoquietly，"saidLuke，asheheadedtheprocessionofgigglingyoungfolk，broughtupintherearbytheshawledandhoodedfigureofMrs。Steffink；"I'vealwayslaidstressonkeepingthisaquietandorderlyneighbourhood。"
　　Itwasafewminutestomidnightwhenthepartyreachedthecow-
　　houseandmadeitswayinbythelightofLuke'sstablelantern。
　　Foramomenteveryonestoodinsilence，almostwithafeelingofbeinginchurch。
　　"Daisy——theonelyingdown——isbyashorthornbulloutofaGuernseycow，"announcedLukeinahushedvoice，whichwasinkeepingwiththeforegoingimpression。
　　"Isshe？"saidBordenby，ratherasifhehadexpectedhertobebyRembrandt。
　　"Myrtleis——"
　　Myrtle'sfamilyhistorywascutshortbyalittlescreamfromthewomenoftheparty。
　　Thecow-housedoorhadclosednoiselesslybehindthemandthekeyhadturnedgratinglyinthelock；thentheyheardBertie'svoicepleasantlywishingthemgood-nightandhisfootstepsretreatingalongthegardenpath。
　　LukeSteffinkstrodetothewindow；itwasasmallsquareopeningoftheold-fashionedsort，withironbarsletintothestonework。
　　"Unlockthedoorthisinstant，"heshouted，withasmuchairofmenacingauthorityasahenmightassumewhenscreamingthroughthebarsofacoopatamaraudinghawk。Inreplytohissummonsthehall-doorclosedwithadefiantbang。
　　Aneighbouringclockstruckthehourofmidnight。Ifthecowshadreceivedthegiftofhumanspeechatthatmomenttheywouldnothavebeenabletomakethemselvesheard。SevenoreightothervoiceswereengagedindescribingBertie'spresentconductandhisgeneralcharacteratahighpressureofexcitementandindignation。
　　InthecourseofhalfanhourorsoeverythingthatitwaspermissibletosayaboutBertiehadbeensaidsomedozensoftimes，andothertopicsbegantocometothefront——theextrememustinessofthecow-house，thepossibilityofitcatchingfire，andtheprobabilityofitbeingaRowtonHouseforthevagrantratsoftheneighbourhood。Andstillnosignofdeliverancecametotheunwillingvigil-keepers。
　　Towardsoneo'clockthesoundofratherboisterousandundisciplinedcarol-singingapproachedrapidly，andcametoasuddenanchorage，apparentlyjustoutsidethegarden-gate。Amotor-loadofyouthful"bloods，"inahighstateofconviviality，hadmadeatemporaryhaltforrepairs；thestoppage，however，didnotextendtothevocaleffortsoftheparty，andthewatchersinthecow-shedweretreatedtoahighlyunauthorisedrenderingof"GoodKingWenceslas，"inwhichtheadjective"good"appearedtobeverycarelesslyapplied。
　　ThenoisehadtheeffectofbringingBertieoutintothegarden，butheutterlyignoredthepale，angryfacespeeringoutatthecow-
　　housewindow，andconcentratedhisattentionontherevellersoutsidethegate。
　　"Wassail，youchaps！"heshouted。
　　"Wassail，oldsport！"theyshoutedback；"we'djollywelldrinky'rhealth，onlywe'venothingtodrinkitin。"
　　"Comeandwassailinside，"saidBertiehospitably；"I'mallalone，andthere'sheap'sof'wet'。"
　　Theyweretotalstrangers，buthistouchofkindnessmadetheminstantlyhiskin。InanothermomenttheunauthorisedversionofKingWenceslas，which，likemanyotherscandals，grewworseonrepetition，wentechoingupthegardenpath；twooftherevellersgaveanimpromptuperformanceonthewaybyexecutingthestaircasewaltzuptheterracesofwhatLukeSteffink，hithertowithsomejustification，calledhisrock-garden。Therockpartofitwasstilltherewhenthewaltzhadbeenaccordeditsthirdencore。
　　Luke，morethaneverlikeacoopedhenbehindthecow-housebars，wasinapositiontorealisethefeelingsofconcert-goersunabletocountermandthecallforanencorewhichtheyneitherdesireordeserve。
　　ThehalldoorclosedwithabangonBertie'sguests，andthesoundsofmerrimentbecamefaintandmuffledtothewearywatchersattheotherendofthegarden。Presentlytwoominouspops，inquicksuccession，madethemselvesdistinctlyheard。
　　"They'vegotatthechampagne！"exclaimedMrs。Steffink。
　　"Perhapsit'sthesparklingMoselle，"saidLukehopefully。
　　Threeorfourmorepopswereheard。
　　"ThechampagneandthesparklingMoselle，"saidMrs。Steffink。
　　Lukeuncorkedanexpletivewhich，likebrandyinatemperancehousehold，wasonlyusedonrareemergencies。Mr。HoraceBordenbyhadbeenmakinguseofsimilarexpressionsunderhisbreathforaconsiderabletimepast。Theexperimentof"throwingtheyoungpeopletogether"hadbeenprolongedbeyondapointwhenitwaslikelytoproduceanyromanticresult。
　　Somefortyminuteslaterthehalldooropenedanddisgorgedacrowdthathadthrownoffanyrestraintofshynessthatmighthaveinfluenceditsearlieractions。Itsvocaleffortsinthedirectionofcarolsingingwerenowsupplementedbyinstrumentalmusic；aChristmas-treethathadbeenpreparedforthechildrenofthegardenerandotherhouseholdretainershadyieldedarichspoiloftintrumpets，rattles，anddrums。Thelife-storyofKingWenceslashadbeendropped，Lukewasthankfultonotice，butitwasintenselyirritatingforthechilledprisonersinthecow-housetobetoldthatitwasahottimeintheoldtownto-night，togetherwithsomeaccuratebutentirelysuperfluousinformationastotheimminenceofChristmasmorning。Judgingbytheprotestswhichbegantobeshoutedfromtheupperwindowsofneighbouringhousesthesentimentsprevailinginthecow-housewereheartilyechoedinotherquarters。
　　Therevellersfoundtheircar，and，whatwasmoreremarkable，managedtodriveoffinit，withapartingfanfareoftintrumpets。
　　Thelivelybeatofadrumdisclosedthefactthatthemasteroftherevelsremainedonthescene。
　　"Bertie！"cameinanangry，imploringchorusofshoutsandscreamsfromthecow-housewindow。
　　"Hullo，"criedtheownerofthename，turninghisrathererrantstepsinthedirectionofthesummons；"areyoupeoplestillthere？
　　Musthaveheardeverythingcowsgottosaybythistime。Ifyouhaven't，nousewaiting。Afterall，it'saRussianlegend，andRussianChrismushEvenotduefor'notherfortnight。Bettercomeout。"
　　Afteroneortwoineffectualattemptshemanagedtopitchthekeyofthecow-housedoorinthroughthewindow。Then，liftinghisvoiceinthestrainsof"I'mafraidtogohomeinthedark，"withalustydrumaccompaniment，heledthewaybacktothehouse。Thehurriedprocessionofthereleasedthatfollowedinhisstepscameinforagooddealoftheadversecommentthathisexuberantdisplayhadevoked。
　　ItwasthehappiestChristmasEvehehadeverspent。Toquotehisownwords，hehadarottenChristmas。
　　FOREWARNED
　　AlethiaDebchancesatinacornerofanotherwiseemptyrailwaycarriage，moreorlessateaseasregardedbody，butinsometrepidationastomind。Shehadembarkedonasocialadventureofnolittlemagnitudeascomparedwiththeaccustomedseclusionandstagnationofherpastlife。Attheageoftwenty-eightshecouldlookbackonnothingmoreeventfulthanthedailyroundofherexistenceinheraunt'shouseatWebblehinton，ahamletfourandahalfmilesdistantfromacountrytownandaboutaquarterofacenturyremovedfrommoderntimes。Theirneighbourshadbeenelderlyandfew，notmuchgiventosocialintercourse，buthelpfulorpolitelysympatheticintimesofillness。Newspapersoftheordinarykindwereararity；thosethatAlethiasawregularlyweredevotedexclusivelyeithertoreligionortopoultry，andtheworldofpoliticswastoheranunheededunexploredregion。Herideasonlifeingeneralhadbeenacquiredthroughthemediumofpopularrespectablenovel-writers，andmodifiedoremphasisedbysuchknowledgeasheraunt，thevicar，andheraunt'shousekeeperhadputatherdisposal。Andnow，inhertwenty-ninthyear，heraunt'sdeathhadlefther，wellprovidedforasregardsincome，butsomewhatisolatedinthematterofkithandkinandhumancompanionship。Shehadsomecousinswhowereontermsoffriendly，thoughinfrequent，correspondencewithher，butastheylivedpermanentlyinCeylon，alocalityaboutwhichsheknewlittle，beyondtheassurancecontainedinthemissionaryhymnthatthehumanelementtherewasvile，theywerenotofmuchimmediateusetoher。
　　Othercousinsshealsopossessed，moredistantasregardsrelationship，butnotquitesogeographicallyremote，seeingthattheylivedsomewhereintheMidlands。Shecouldhardlyremembereverhavingmetthem，butonceortwiceinthecourseofthelastthreeorfouryearstheyhadexpressedapolitewishthatsheshouldpaythemavisit；theyhadprobablynotbeenundulydepressedbythefactthatheraunt'sfailinghealthhadpreventedherfromacceptingtheirinvitation。Thenoteofcondolencethathadarrivedontheoccasionofheraunt'sdeathhadincludedavaguehopethatAlethiawouldfindtimeinthenearfuturetospendafewdayswithhercousins，andaftermuchdeliberationandmanyhesitationsshehadwrittentoproposeherselfasaguestforadefinitedatesomeweekahead。Thefamily，shereflectedwithrelief，wasnotalargeone；
　　thetwodaughtersweremarriedandaway，therewasonlyoldMrs。
　　BludwardandhersonRobertathome。Mrs。Bludwardwassomethingofaninvalid，andRobertwasayoungmanwhohadbeenatOxfordandwasgoingintoParliament。FurtherthanthatAlethia'sinformationdidnotgo；herimagination，foundedonherextensiveknowledgeofthepeopleonemetinnovels，hadtosupplythegaps。Themotherwasnotdifficulttoplace；shewouldeitherbeanultra-amiableoldlady，bearingherfeeblehealthwithuncomplainingfortitude，andhavingakindwordforthegardener'sboyandasunnysmileforthechancevisitor，orelseshewouldbecoldandpeevish，witheyesthatpiercedyoulikeagimlet，andaunreasoningidolatryofherson。Alethia'simaginationratherinclinedhertothelatterview。
　　Robertwasmoreofaproblem。Therewerethreedominanttypesofmanhoodtobetakenintoconsiderationinworkingouthisclassification；therewasHugo，whowasstrong，good，andbeautiful，araretypeandnotveryoftenmetwith；therewasSirJasper，whowasutterlyvileandabsolutelyunscrupulous，andtherewasNevil，whowasnotreallybadatheart，buthadaweakmouthandusuallyrequiredthelife-workoftwogoodwomentokeephimfromultimatedisaster。Itwasprobable，Alethiaconsidered，thatRobertcameintothelastcategory，inwhichcaseshewascertaintoenjoythecompanionshipofoneortwoexcellentwomen，andmightpossiblycatchglimpsesofundesirableadventuressesorcomefacetofacewithrecklessadmiration-seekingmarriedwomen。Itwasaltogetheranexcitingprospect，thissuddenventureintoanunexploredworldofunknownhumanbeings，andAlethiaratherwishedthatshecouldhavetakenthevicarwithher；shewasnot，however，richorimportantenoughtotravelwithachaplain，astheMarquisofMoystoncleughalwaysdidinthenovelshehadjustbeenreading，sosherecognisedthatsuchaproceedingwasoutofthequestion。
　　ThetrainwhichcarriedAlethiatowardsherdestinationwasalocalone，withthewaysidestationhabitstronglydeveloped。Atmostofthestationsnooneseemedtowanttogetintothetrainortoleaveit，butatonetherewereseveralmarketfolkontheplatform，andtwomen，ofthefarmerorsmallcattle-dealerclass，enteredAlethia'scarriage。Apparentlytheyhadjustforegathered，afteraday'sbusiness，andtheirconversationconsistedofarapidexchangeofshortfriendlyinquiriesastohealth，family，stock，andsoforth，andsomegrumblingremarksontheweather。Suddenly，however，theirtalktookadramaticallyinterestingturn，andAlethialistenedwithwide-eyedattention。
　　"WhatdoyouthinkofMisterRobertBludward，eh？"
　　Therewasacertainscornfulringinhisquestion。
　　"RobertBludward？Anout-an'-outrotter，that'swhatheis。Oughttobeashamedtolookanydecentmanintheface。SendhimtoParliamenttorepresentus——notmuch！He'drobapoormanofhislastshilling，hewould。"
　　"Ah，thathewould。Tellsapackofliestogetourvotes，that'sallthathe'safter，damnhim。DidyouseethewaytheArgusshowedhimupthisweek？Properlyexposedhim，hipandthigh，Itellyou。"
　　Andsoontheyran，intheirwitheringindictment。TherecouldbenodoubtthatitwasAlethia'scousinandprospectivehosttowhomtheywerereferring；theallusiontoaParliamentarycandidaturesettledthat。WhatcouldRobertBludwardhavedone，whatmannerofmancouldhebe，thatpeopleshouldspeakofhimwithsuchobviousreprobation？
　　"HewashisseddownatShoalfordyesterday，"saidoneofthespeakers。
　　Hissed！Haditcometothat？TherewassomethingdramaticallybiblicalintheideaofRobertBludward'sneighboursandacquaintanceshissinghimforveryscorn。LordHerewardStranglathhadbeenhissed，nowAlethiacametothinkofit，intheeighthchapterofMatterbyTowers，whileintheactofopeningaWesleyanbazaar，becausehewassuspected（unjustlyasitturnedoutafterwards）ofhavingbeatentheGermangovernesstodeath。AndinTaintedGuineasRoperSquenderbyhadbeendeservedlyhissed，onthestepsoftheJockeyClub，forhavinghandedarivalowneraforgedtelegram，containingfalsenewsofhismother'sdeath，justbeforethestartforanimportantrace，therebyensuringthewithdrawalofhisrival'shorse。InplacidSaxon-bloodedEnglandpeopledidnotdemonstratetheirfeelingslightlyandwithoutsomestrongcompellingcause。WhatmannerofevildoerwasRobertBludward？
　　Thetrainstoppedatanothersmallstation，andthetwomengotout。
　　OneofthemleftbehindhimacopyoftheArgus，thelocalpapertowhichhehadmadereference。Alethiapouncedonit，intheexpectationoffindingaculturedliteraryendorsementofthecensurewhichtheseroughfarmingmenhadexpressedintheirhomely，honestway。Shehadnotfartolook；"Mr。RobertBludward，Swanker，"wasthetitleofoneoftheprincipalarticlesinthepaper。Shedidnotexactlyknowwhataswankerwas，probablyitreferredtosomeunspeakableformofcruelty，butshereadenoughinthefirstfewsentencesofthearticletodiscoverthathercousinRobert，themanatwhosehouseshewasabouttostay，wasanunscrupulous，unprincipledcharacter，ofaloworderofintelligence，yetcunningwithal，andthatheandhisassociateswereresponsibleformostofthemisery，disease，poverty，andignorancewithwhichthecountrywasafflicted；never，exceptinoneortwoofthedenunciatoryPsalms，whichshehadalwayssupposedtohavebewritteninaspiritofexaggeratedOrientalimagery，hadshereadsuchanindictmentofahumanbeing。AndthismonsterwasgoingtomeetheratDerreltonStationinafewshortminutes。Shewouldknowhimatonce；hewouldhavethedarkbeetlingbrows，thequick，furtiveglance，thesneering，unsavourysmilethatalwayscharacterisedtheSirJaspersofthisworld。Itwastoolatetoescape；shemustforceherselftomeethimwithoutwardcalm。
　　ItwasaconsiderableshocktohertofindthatRobertwasfair，withasnubnose，merryeye，andratheraschoolboymanner。"A
　　serpentinduckling'splumage，"washerprivatecomment；mercifulchancehadrevealedhimtoherinhistruecolours。
　　Astheydroveawayfromthestationadissipated-lookingmanofthelabouringclasswavedhishatinfriendlysalute。"Goodlucktoyou，Mr。Bludward，"heshouted；"you'llcomeoutontop！We'llbreakoldChobham'sneckforhim。"
　　"Whowasthatman？"askedAlethiaquickly。
　　"Oh，oneofmysupporters，"laughedRobert；"abitofapoacherandabitofapub-loafer，buthe'sontherightside。"
　　SothesewerethesortofassociatesthatRobertBludwardconsortedwith，thoughtAlethia。
　　"WhoisthepersonhereferredtoasoldChobham？"sheasked。