ELLIE。Iamproudofhispoverty。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Ofcourseyouare，pettikins。Whynotleavehiminit，andmarrysomeoneyoulove？
　　LADYUTTERWORD[risingsuddenlyandexplosively]。Hesione，areyougoingtokissmeorareyounot？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whatdoyouwanttobekissedfor？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。IDON’Twanttobekissed;butIdowantyoutobehaveproperlyanddecently。Wearesisters。Wehavebeenseparatedfortwenty—threeyears。YouOUGHTtokissme。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。To—morrowmorning，dear，beforeyoumakeup。Ihatethesmellofpowder。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Oh！youunfeeling——[sheisinterruptedbythereturnofthecaptain]。
　　THECAPTAIN[toEllie]。Yourroomisready。[Ellierises]。Thesheetsweredamp;butIhavechangedthem[hemakesforthegardendoorontheportside]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Oh！Whataboutmysheets？
　　THECAPTAIN[haltingatthedoor]。Takemyadvice：airthem：ortakethemoffandsleepinblankets。YoushallsleepinAriadne’soldroom。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。IndeedIshalldonothingofthesort。Thatlittlehole！Iamentitledtothebestspareroom。
　　THECAPTAIN[continuingunmoved]。Shemarriedanumskull。Shetoldmeshewouldmarryanyonetogetawayfromhome。
　　LADTUTTERWORD。Youarepretendingnottoknowmeonpurpose。I
　　willleavethehouse。
　　MazziniDunnentersfromthehall。Heisalittleelderlymanwithbulgingcredulouseyesandearnestmanners。Heisdressedinabluesergejacketsuitwithanunbuttonedmackintoshoverit，andcarriesasoftblackhatofclericalcut。
　　ELLIE。Atlast！CaptainShotover，hereismyfather。
　　THECAPTAIN。This！Nonsense！notabitlikehim[hegoesawaythroughthegarden，shuttingthedoorsharplybehindhim]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Iwillnotbeignoredandpretendedtobesomebodyelse。IwillhaveitoutwithPapanow，thisinstant。
　　[ToMazzini]。Excuseme。[Shefollowsthecaptainout，makingahastybowtoMazzini，whoreturnsit]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[hospitablyshakinghands]。Howgoodofyoutocome，MrDunn！Youdon’tmindPapa，doyou？Heisasmadasahatter，youknow，butquiteharmlessandextremelyclever。Youwillhavesomedelightfultalkswithhim。
　　MAZZINI。Ihopeso。[ToEllie]。Sohereyouare，Ellie，dear。[Hedrawsherarmaffectionatelythroughhis]。Imustthankyou，MrsHushabye，foryourkindnesstomydaughter。I’mafraidshewouldhavehadnoholidayifyouhadnotinvitedher。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Notatall。Veryniceofhertocomeandattractyoungpeopletothehouseforus。
　　MAZZINI[smiling]。I’mafraidEllieisnotinterestedinyoungmen，MrsHushabye。Hertasteisonthegraver，soliderside。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[withasuddenratherhardbrightnessinhermanner]。Won’tyoutakeoffyourovercoat，MrDunn？Youwillfindacupboardforcoatsandhatsandthingsinthecornerofthehall。
　　MAZZINI[hastilyreleasingEllie]。Yes——thankyou——Ihadbetter——
　　[hegoesout]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[emphatically]。Theoldbrute！
　　ELLIE。Who？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Who！Him。He。It[pointingafterMazzini]。"Graver，solidertastes，"indeed！
　　ELLIE[aghast]。Youdon’tmeanthatyouwerespeakinglikethatofmyfather！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Iwas。YouknowIwas。
　　ELLIE[withdignity]。Iwillleaveyourhouseatonce。[Sheturnstothedoor]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Ifyouattemptit，I’lltellyourfatherwhy。
　　ELLIE[turningagain]。Oh！Howcanyoutreatavisitorlikethis，MrsHushabye？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。IthoughtyouweregoingtocallmeHesione。
　　ELLIE。Certainlynotnow？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Verywell：I’lltellyourfather。
　　ELLIE[distressed]。Oh！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Ifyouturnahair——ifyoutakehispartagainstmeandagainstyourownheartforamoment，I’llgivethatbornsoldieroffreedomapieceofmymindthatwillstandhimonhisselfisholdheadforaweek。
　　ELLIE。Hesione！Myfatherselfish！Howlittleyouknow——
　　SheisinterruptedbyMazzini，whoreturns，excitedandperspiring。
　　MAZZINI。Ellie，Manganhascome：Ithoughtyou’dliketoknow。
　　Excuseme，MrsHushabye，thestrangeoldgentleman——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Papa。Quiteso。
　　MAZZINI。Oh，Ibegyourpardon，ofcourse：Iwasalittleconfusedbyhismanner。HeismakingManganhelphimwithsomethinginthegarden;andhewantsmetoo——
　　Apowerfulwhistleisheard。
　　THECAPTAIN’SVOICE。Bosunahoy！[thewhistleisrepeated]。
　　MAZZINI[flustered]。Ohdear！Ibelieveheiswhistlingforme。
　　[Hehurriesout]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。NowMYfatherisawonderfulmanifyoulike。
　　ELLIE。Hesione，listentome。Youdon’tunderstand。MyfatherandMrManganwereboystogether。MrMa——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’tcarewhattheywere：wemustsitdownifyouaregoingtobeginasfarbackasthat。[ShesnatchesatEllie’swaist，andmakeshersitdownonthesofabesideher]。
　　Now，pettikins，tellmeallaboutMrMangan。TheycallhimBossMangan，don’tthey？HeisaNapoleonofindustryanddisgustinglyrich，isn’the？Whyisn’tyourfatherrich？
　　ELLIE。Mypoorfathershouldneverhavebeeninbusiness。Hisparentswerepoets;andtheygavehimthenoblestideas;buttheycouldnotaffordtogivehimaprofession。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Fancyyourgrandparents，withtheireyesinfinefrenzyrolling！Andsoyourpoorfatherhadtogointobusiness。
　　Hasn’thesucceededinit？
　　ELLIE。Healwaysusedtosayhecouldsucceedifheonlyhadsomecapital。Hefoughthiswayalong，tokeeparoofoverourheadsandbringusupwell;butitwasalwaysastruggle：alwaysthesamedifficultyofnothavingcapitalenough。Idon’tknowhowtodescribeittoyou。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。PoorEllie！Iknow。Pullingthedevilbythetail。
　　ELLIE[hurt]。Oh，no。Notlikethat。Itwasatleastdignified。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thatmadeitalltheharder，didn’tit？Ishouldn’thavepulledthedevilbythetailwithdignity。Ishouldhavepulledhard——[betweenherteeth]hard。Well？Goon。
　　ELLIE。Atlastitseemedthatallourtroubleswereatanend。MrMangandidanextraordinarilynoblethingoutofpurefriendshipformyfatherandrespectforhischaracter。Heaskedhimhowmuchcapitalhewanted，andgaveittohim。Idon’tmeanthathelentittohim，orthatheinvesteditinhisbusiness。Hejustsimplymadehimapresentofit。Wasn’tthatsplendidofhim？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Onconditionthatyoumarriedhim？
　　ELLIE。Oh，no，no，no！ThiswaswhenIwasachild。Hehadneverevenseenme：henevercametoourhouse。Itwasabsolutelydisinterested。Puregenerosity。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh！Ibegthegentleman’spardon。Well，whatbecameofthemoney？
　　ELLIE。Weallgotnewclothesandmovedintoanotherhouse。AndI
　　wenttoanotherschoolfortwoyears。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Onlytwoyears？
　　ELLIE。Thatwasall：forattheendoftwoyearsmyfatherwasutterlyruined。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。How？
　　ELLIE。Idon’tknow。Inevercouldunderstand。Butitwasdreadful。Whenwewerepoormyfatherhadneverbeenindebt。Butwhenhelaunchedoutintobusinessonalargescale，hehadtoincurliabilities。WhenthebusinesswentintoliquidationheowedmoremoneythanMrManganhadgivenhim。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Bitoffmorethanhecouldchew，Isuppose。
　　ELLIE。Ithinkyouarealittleunfeelingaboutit。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Mypettikins，youmustn’tmindmywayoftalking。I
　　wasquiteassensitiveandparticularasyouonce;butIhavepickedupsomuchslangfromthechildrenthatIamreallyhardlypresentable。Isupposeyourfatherhadnoheadforbusiness，andmadeamessofit。
　　ELLIE。Oh，thatjustshowshowentirelyyouaremistakenabouthim。Thebusinessturnedoutagreatsuccess。Itnowpaysforty—fourpercentafterdeductingtheexcessprofitstax。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhyaren’tyourollinginmoney？
　　ELLIE。Idon’tknow。Itseemsveryunfairtome。Yousee，myfatherwasmadebankrupt。Itnearlybrokehisheart，becausehehadpersuadedseveralofhisfriendstoputmoneyintothebusiness。Hewassureitwouldsucceed;andeventsprovedthathewasquiteright。Buttheyalllosttheirmoney。Itwasdreadful。
　　Idon’tknowwhatweshouldhavedonebutforMrMangan。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。What！DidtheBosscometotherescueagain，afterallhismoneybeingthrownaway？
　　ELLIE。Hedidindeed，andneverutteredareproachtomyfather。
　　Heboughtwhatwasleftofthebusiness——thebuildingsandthemachineryandthings——fromtheofficialtrusteeforenoughmoneytoenablemyfathertopaysix—and—eight—penceinthepoundandgethisdischarge。EveryonepitiedPapasomuch，andsawsoplainlythathewasanhonorableman，thattheylethimoffatsix—and—eight—penceinsteadoftenshillings。ThenMr。Manganstartedacompanytotakeupthebusiness，andmademyfatheramanagerinittosaveusfromstarvation;forIwasn’tearninganythingthen。
　　MRS。HUSHABYE。Quitearomance。AndwhendidtheBossdevelopthetenderpassion？
　　ELLIE。Oh，thatwasyearsafter，quitelately。Hetookthechaironenightatasortofpeople’sconcert。Iwassingingthere。Asanamateur，youknow：halfaguineaforexpensesandthreesongswiththreeencores。Hewassopleasedwithmysingingthatheaskedmighthewalkhomewithme。IneversawanyonesotakenabackashewaswhenItookhimhomeandintroducedhimtomyfather，hisownmanager。Itwasthenthatmyfathertoldmehownoblyhehadbehaved。Ofcourseitwasconsideredagreatchanceforme，asheissorich。And——and——wedriftedintoasortofunderstanding——IsupposeIshouldcallitanengagement——[sheisdistressedandcannotgoon]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[risingandmarchingabout]。Youmayhavedriftedintoit;butyouwillbounceoutofit，mypettikins，ifIamtohaveanythingtodowithit。
　　ELLIE[hopelessly]。No：it’snouse。Iamboundinhonorandgratitude。Iwillgothroughwithit。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[behindthesofa，scoldingdownather]。Youknow，ofcourse，thatit’snothonorableorgratefultomarryamanyoudon’tlove。DoyoulovethisManganman？
　　ELLIE。Yes。Atleast——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’twanttoknowabout"atleast"：Iwanttoknowtheworst。Girlsofyouragefallinlovewithallsortsofimpossiblepeople，especiallyoldpeople。
　　ELLIE。IlikeMrManganverymuch;andIshallalwaysbe——
　　MRSHUSHABYE[impatientlycompletingthesentenceandprancingawayintolerantlytostarboard]。——gratefultohimforhiskindnesstodearfather。Iknow。Anybodyelse？
　　ELLIE。Whatdoyoumean？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Anybodyelse？Areyouinlovewithanybodyelse？
　　ELLIE。Ofcoursenot。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Humph！[Thebookonthedrawing—tablecatcheshereye。Shepicksitup，andevidentlyfindsthetitleveryunexpected。ShelooksatEllie，andasks，quaintly]Quitesureyou’renotinlovewithanactor？
　　ELLIE。No，no。Why？Whatputsuchathingintoyourhead？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thisisyours，isn’tit？WhyelseshouldyoubereadingOthello？
　　ELLIE。MyfathertaughtmetoloveShakespeare。
　　MRSHUSHAYE[flingingthebookdownonthetable]。Really！yourfatherdoesseemtobeaboutthelimit。
　　ELLIE[naively]。DoyouneverreadShakespeare，Hesione？Thatseemstomesoextraordinary。IlikeOthello。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Doyou，indeed？Hewasjealous，wasn’the？
　　ELLIE。Oh，notthat。Ithinkallthepartaboutjealousyishorrible。Butdon’tyouthinkitmusthavebeenawonderfulexperienceforDesdemona，broughtupsoquietlyathome，tomeetamanwhohadbeenoutintheworlddoingallsortsofbravethingsandhavingterribleadventures，andyetfindingsomethinginherthatmadehimlovetositandtalkwithherandtellheraboutthem？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。That’syourideaofromance，isit？
　　ELLIE。Notromance，exactly。Itmightreallyhappen。
　　Ellie’seyesshowthatsheisnotarguing，butinadaydream。MrsHushabye，watchingherinquisitively，goesdeliberatelybacktothesofaandresumesherseatbesideher。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Elliedarling，haveyounoticedthatsomeofthosestoriesthatOthellotoldDesdemonacouldn’thavehappened——？
　　ELLIE。Oh，no。Shakespearethoughttheycouldhavehappened。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Hm！Desdemonathoughttheycouldhavehappened。Buttheydidn’t。
　　ELLIE。Whydoyoulooksoenigmaticaboutit？Youaresuchasphinx：Ineverknowwhatyoumean。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Desdemonawouldhavefoundhimoutifshehadlived，youknow。Iwonderwasthatwhyhestrangledher！
　　ELLIE。Othellowasnottellinglies。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Howdoyouknow？
　　ELLIE。Shakespearewouldhavesaidifhewas。Hesione，therearemenwhohavedonewonderfulthings：menlikeOthello，only，ofcourse，white，andveryhandsome，and——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Ah！Nowwe’recomingtoit。Tellmeallabouthim。
　　Iknewtheremustbesomebody，oryou’dneverhavebeensomiserableaboutMangan：you’dhavethoughtitquitealarktomarryhim。
　　ELLIE[blushingvividly]。Hesione，youaredreadful。ButIdon’twanttomakeasecretofit，thoughofcourseIdon’ttelleverybody。Besides，Idon’tknowhim。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Don’tknowhim！Whatdoesthatmean？
　　ELLIE。Well，ofcourseIknowhimtospeakto。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Butyouwanttoknowhimeversomuchmoreintimately，eh？
　　ELLIE。No，no：Iknowhimquite——almostintimately。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youdon’tknowhim;andyouknowhimalmostintimately。Howlucid！
　　ELLIE。Imeanthathedoesnotcallonus。I——Igotintoconversationwithhimbychanceataconcert。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youseemtohaveratheragaytimeatyourconcerts，Ellie。
　　ELLIE。Notatall：wetalktoeveryoneinthegreenroomwaitingforourturns。Ithoughthewasoneoftheartists：helookedsosplendid。Buthewasonlyoneofthecommittee。IhappenedtotellhimthatIwascopyingapictureattheNationalGallery。I
　　makealittlemoneythatway。Ican’tpaintmuch;butasit’salwaysthesamepictureIcandoitprettyquicklyandgettwoorthreepoundsforit。IthappenedthathecametotheNationalGalleryoneday。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Onestudents’day。Paidsixpencetostumbleaboutthroughacrowdofeasels，whenhemighthavecomeinnextdayfornothingandfoundthefloorclear！Quitebyaccident？
　　ELLIE[triumphantly]。No。Onpurpose。Helikedtalkingtome。Heknowslotsofthemostsplendidpeople。Fashionablewomenwhoareallinlovewithhim。ButheranawayfromthemtoseemeattheNationalGalleryandpersuademetocomewithhimforadriveroundRichmondParkinataxi。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Mypettikins，youhavebeengoingit。It’swonderfulwhatyougoodgirlscandowithoutanyonesayingaword。
　　ELLIE。Iamnotinsociety，Hesione。IfIdidn’tmakeacquaintancesinthatwayIshouldn’thaveanyatall。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Well，noharmifyouknowhowtotakecareofyourself。MayIaskhisname？
　　ELLIE[slowlyandmusically]。MarcusDarnley。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[echoingthemusic]。MarcusDarnley！Whatasplendidname！
　　ELLIE。Oh，I’msogladyouthinkso。Ithinksotoo;butIwasafraiditwasonlyasillyfancyofmyown。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Hm！IsheoneoftheAberdeenDarnleys？
　　ELLIE。Nobodyknows。Justfancy！Hewasfoundinanantiquechest——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Awhat？
　　ELLIE。Anantiquechest，onesummermorninginarosegarden，afteranightofthemostterriblethunderstorm。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whatonearthwashedoinginthechest？Didhegetintoitbecausehewasafraidofthelightning？
　　ELLIE。Oh，no，no：hewasababy。ThenameMarcusDarnleywasembroideredonhisbabyclothes。Andfivehundredpoundsingold。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[Lookinghardather]。Ellie！
　　ELLIE。ThegardenoftheViscount——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。——deRougemont？
　　ELLIE[innocently]。No：deLarochejaquelin。AFrenchfamily。A
　　vicomte。Hislifehasbeenonelongromance。Atiger——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Slainbyhisownhand？
　　ELLIE。Oh，no：nothingvulgarlikethat。Hesavedthelifeofthetigerfromahuntingparty：oneofKingEdward’shuntingpartiesinIndia。TheKingwasfurious：thatwaswhyheneverhadhismilitaryservicesproperlyrecognized。Buthedoesn’tcare。HeisaSocialistanddespisesrank，andhasbeeninthreerevolutionsfightingonthebarricades。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Howcanyousittheretellingmesuchlies？You，Ellie，ofallpeople！AndIthoughtyouwereaperfectlysimple，straightforward，goodgirl。
　　ELLIE[rising，dignifiedbutveryangry]。Doyoumeanyoudon’tbelieveme？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。OfcourseIdon’tbelieveyou。You’reinventingeverywordofit。Doyoutakemeforafool？
　　Elliestaresather。HercandorissoobviousthatMrsHushabyeispuzzled。
　　ELLIE。Goodbye，Hesione。I’mverysorry。IseenowthatitsoundsveryimprobableasItellit。ButIcan’tstayifyouthinkthatwayaboutme。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[catchingherdress]。Youshan’tgo。Icouldn’tbesomistaken：Iknowtoowellwhatliarsarelike。Somebodyhasreallytoldyouallthis。
　　ELLIE[flushing]。Hesione，don’tsaythatyoudon’tbelievehim。
　　Icouldn’tbearthat。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[soothingher]。OfcourseIbelievehim，dearest。
　　Butyoushouldhavebrokenittomebydegrees。[Drawingherbacktoherseat]。Nowtellmeallabouthim。Areyouinlovewithhim？
　　ELLIE。Oh，no。I’mnotsofoolish。Idon’tfallinlovewithpeople。I’mnotsosillyasyouthink。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Isee。Onlysomethingtothinkabout——togivesomeinterestandpleasuretolife。
　　ELLIE。Justso。That’sall，really。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Itmakesthehoursgofast，doesn’tit？Notediouswaitingtogotosleepatnightsandwonderingwhetheryouwillhaveabadnight。Howdelightfulitmakeswakingupinthemorning！Howmuchbetterthanthehappiestdream！Alllifetransfigured！Nomorewishingonehadaninterestingbooktoread，becauselifeissomuchhappierthananybook！Nodesirebuttobealoneandnottohavetotalktoanyone：tobealoneandjustthinkaboutit。
　　ELLIE[embracingher]。Hesione，youareawitch。Howdoyouknow？
　　Oh，youarethemostsympatheticwomanintheworld！
　　MRSHUSHABYE[caressingher]。Pettikins，mypettikins，howIenvyyou！andhowIpityyou！
　　ELLIE。Pityme！Oh，why？
　　Averyhandsomemanoffifty，withmousquetairemoustaches，wearingaratherdandifiedcurlybrimmedhat，andcarryinganelaboratewalking—stick，comesintotheroomfromthehall，andstopsshortatsightofthewomenonthesofa。
　　ELLIE[seeinghimandrisingingladsurprise]。Oh！Hesione：thisisMrMarcusDarnley。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[rising]。Whatalark！Heismyhusband。
　　ELLIE。Butnow——[shestopssuddenly：thenturnspaleandsways]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[catchingherandsittingdownwithheronthesofa]。Steady，mypettikins。
　　THEMAN[withamixtureofconfusionandeffrontery，depositinghishatandstickontheteaktable]。Myrealname，MissDunn，isHectorHushabye。Ileaveyoutojudgewhetherthatisanameanysensitivemanwouldcaretoconfessto。IneveruseitwhenIcanpossiblyhelpit。Ihavebeenawayfornearlyamonth;andIhadnoideayouknewmywife，orthatyouwerecominghere。Iamnonethelessdelightedtofindyouinourlittlehouse。
　　ELLIE[ingreatdistress]。Idon’tknowwhattodo。Please，mayI
　　speaktopapa？Doleaveme。Ican’tbearit。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Beoff，Hector。
　　HECTOR。I——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Quick，quick。Getout。
　　HECTOR。Ifyouthinkitbetter——[hegoesout，takinghishatwithhimbutleavingthestickonthetable]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[layingElliedownattheendofthesofa]。Now，pettikins，heisgone。There’snobodybutme。Youcanletyourselfgo。Don’ttrytocontrolyourself。Haveagoodcry。
　　ELLIE[raisingherhead]。Damn！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Splendid！Oh，whatarelief！Ithoughtyouweregoingtobebroken—hearted。Nevermindme。Damnhimagain。
　　ELLIE。Iamnotdamninghim。Iamdamningmyselfforbeingsuchafool。[Rising]。HowcouldIletmyselfbetakeninso？[Shebeginsprowlingtoandfro，herbloomgone，lookingcuriouslyolderandharder]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[cheerfully]。Whynot，pettikins？VeryfewyoungwomencanresistHector。Icouldn’twhenIwasyourage。Heisreallyrathersplendid，youknow。
　　ELLIE[turningonher]。Splendid！Yes，splendidlooking，ofcourse。Buthowcanyoulovealiar？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’tknow。Butyoucan，fortunately。Otherwisetherewouldn’tbemuchloveintheworld。
　　ELLIE。Buttolielikethat！Tobeaboaster！acoward！
　　MRSHUSHABYE[risinginalarm]。Pettikins，noneofthat，ifyouplease。IfyouhinttheslightestdoubtofHector’scourage，hewillgostraightoffanddothemosthorriblydangerousthingstoconvincehimselfthatheisn’tacoward。Hehasadreadfultrickofgettingoutofonethird—floorwindowandcominginatanother，justtotesthisnerve。HehasawholedrawerfulofAlbertMedalsforsavingpeople’slives。
　　ELLIE。Henevertoldmethat。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Heneverboastsofanythinghereallydid：hecan’tbearit;anditmakeshimshyifanyoneelsedoes。Allhisstoriesaremade—upstories。
　　ELLIE[comingtoher]。Doyoumeanthatheisreallybrave，andreallyhasadventures，andyettellsliesaboutthingsthatheneverdidandthatneverhappened？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Yes，pettikins，Ido。Peopledon’thavetheirvirtuesandvicesinsets：theyhavethemanyhow：allmixed。
　　ELLIE[staringatherthoughtfully]。There’ssomethingoddaboutthishouse，Hesione，andevenaboutyou。Idon’tknowwhyI’mtalkingtoyousocalmly。Ihaveahorriblefearthatmyheartisbroken，butthatheartbreakisnotlikewhatIthoughtitmustbe。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[fondlingher]。It’sonlylifeeducatingyou，pettikins。HowdoyoufeelaboutBossMangannow？
　　ELLIE[disengagingherselfwithanexpressionofdistaste]。Oh，howcanyouremindmeofhim，Hesione？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Sorry，dear。IthinkIhearHectorcomingback。Youdon’tmindnow，doyou，dear？
　　ELLIE。Notintheleast。Iamquitecured。
　　MazziniDunnandHectorcomeinfromthehall。
　　HECTOR[asheopensthedoorandallowsMazzinitopassin]。Onesecondmore，andshewouldhavebeenadeadwoman！
　　MAZZINI。Dear！dear！whatanescape！Ellie，mylove，MrHushabyehasjustbeentellingmethemostextraordinary——
　　ELLIE。Yes，I’veheardit[shecrossestotheothersideoftheroom]。
　　HECTOR[followingher]。Notthisone：I’lltellittoyouafterdinner。Ithinkyou’lllikeit。ThetruthisImadeitupforyou，andwaslookingforwardtothepleasureoftellingittoyou。Butinamomentofimpatienceatbeingturnedoutoftheroom，Ithrewitawayonyourfather。
　　ELLIE[turningatbaywithherbacktothecarpenter’sbench，scornfullyself—possessed]。Itwasnotthrownaway。Hebelievesit。Ishouldnothavebelievedit。
　　MAZZINI[benevolently]。Ellieisverynaughty，MrHushabye。Ofcourseshedoesnotreallythinkthat。[Hegoestothebookshelves，andinspectsthetitlesofthevolumes]。
　　BossMangancomesinfromthehall，followedbythecaptain。
　　Mangan，carefullyfrock—coatedasforchurchorforadiHECTORs’
　　meeting，isaboutfifty—five，withacareworn，mistrustfulexpression，standingalittleonanentirelyimaginarydignity，withadullcomplexion，straight，lustrelesshair，andfeaturessoentirelycommonplacethatitisimpossibletodescribethem。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[toMrsHushabye，introducingthenewcomer]。
　　SayshisnameisMangan。Notable—bodied。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[graciously]。Howdoyoudo，MrMangan？
　　MANGAN[shakinghands]。Verypleased。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Dunn’slosthismuscle，butrecoveredhisnerve。Menseldomdoafterthreeattacksofdeliriumtremens[hegoesintothepantry]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Icongratulateyou，MrDunn。
　　MAZZINI[dazed]。Iamalifelongteetotaler。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youwillfinditfarlesstroubletoletpapahavehisownwaythantrytoexplain。
　　MAZZINI。Butthreeattacksofdeliriumtremens，really！
　　MRSHUSHABYE[toMangan]。Doyouknowmyhusband，MrMangan[sheindicatesHector]。
　　MANGAN[goingtoHector，whomeetshimwithoutstretchedhand]。
　　Verypleased。[TurningtoEllie]。Ihope，MissEllie，youhavenotfoundthejourneydowntoofatiguing。[Theyshakehands]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Hector，showMrDunnhisroom。
　　HECTOR。Certainly。Comealong，MrDunn。[HetakesMazziniout]。
　　ELLIE。Youhaven’tshownmemyroomyet，Hesione。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Howstupidofme！Comealong。Makeyourselfquiteathome，MrMangan。Papawillentertainyou。[Shecallstothecaptaininthepantry]。Papa，comeandexplainthehousetoMrMangan。
　　ShegoesoutwithEllie。Thecaptaincomesfromthepantry。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。You’regoingtomarryDunn’sdaughter。Don’t。
　　You’retooold。
　　MANGAN[staggered]。Well！That’sfairlyblunt，Captain。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。It’strue。
　　MANGAN。Shedoesn’tthinkso。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Shedoes。
　　MANGAN。OldermenthanIhave——
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[finishingthesentenceforhim]。——madefoolsofthemselves。That，also，istrue。
　　MANGAN[assertinghimself]。Idon’tseethatthisisanybusinessofyours。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itiseverybody’sbusiness。Thestarsintheircoursesareshakenwhensuchthingshappen。
　　MANGAN。I’mgoingtomarryherallthesame。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Howdoyouknow？
　　MANGAN[playingthestrongman]。Iintendto。Imeanto。See？I
　　nevermadeupmymindtodoathingyetthatIdidn’tbringitoff。That’sthesortofmanIam;andtherewillbeabetterunderstandingbetweenuswhenyoumakeupyourmindtothat，Captain。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youfrequentpicturepalaces。
　　MANGAN。PerhapsIdo。Whotoldyou？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Talklikeaman，notlikeamovie。Youmeanthatyoumakeahundredthousandayear。
　　MANGAN。Idon’tboast。ButwhenImeetamanthatmakesahundredthousandayear，Itakeoffmyhattothatman，andstretchoutmyhandtohimandcallhimbrother。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thenyoualsomakeahundredthousandayear，hey？
　　MANGAN。No。Ican’tsaythat。Fiftythousand，perhaps。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Hishalfbrotheronly[heturnsawayfromManganwithhisusualabruptness，andcollectstheemptytea—cupsontheChinesetray]。
　　MANGAN[irritated]。Seehere，CaptainShotover。Idon’tquiteunderstandmypositionhere。Icamehereonyourdaughter’sinvitation。AmIinherhouseorinyours？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youarebeneaththedomeofheaven，inthehouseofGod。Whatistruewithinthesewallsistrueoutsidethem。Gooutontheseas;climbthemountains;wanderthroughthevalleys。Sheisstilltooyoung。
　　MANGAN[weakening]。ButI’mverylittleoverfifty。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youarestilllessundersixty。BossMangan，youwillnotmarrythepirate’schild[hecarriesthetrayawayintothepantry]。
　　MANGAN[followinghimtothehalfdoor]。Whatpirate’schild？
　　Whatareyoutalkingabout？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[inthepantry]。EllieDunn。Youwillnotmarryher。
　　MANGAN。Whowillstopme？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[emerging]。Mydaughter[hemakesforthedoorleadingtothehall]。
　　MANGAN[followinghim]。MrsHushabye！Doyoumeantosayshebroughtmedownheretobreakitoff？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[stoppingandturningonhim]。IknownothingmorethanIhaveseeninhereye。Shewillbreakitoff。Takemyadvice：marryaWestIndiannegress：theymakeexcellentwives。I
　　wasmarriedtoonemyselffortwoyears。
　　MANGAN。Well，Iamdamned！
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ithoughtso。Iwas，too，formanyyears。Thenegressredeemedme。
　　MANGAN[feebly]。Thisisqueer。Ioughttowalkoutofthishouse。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Why？
　　MANGAN。Well，manymenwouldbeoffendedbyyourstyleoftalking。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Nonsense！It’stheothersortoftalkingthatmakesquarrels。Nobodyeverquarrelswithme。
　　Agentleman，whosefirst—ratetailoringandfrictionlessmannersproclaimthewellbredWestEnder，comesinfromthehall。Hehasanengagingairofbeingyoungandunmarried，butoncloseinspectionisfoundtobeatleastoverforty。
　　THEGENTLEMAN。Excusemyintrudinginthisfashion，butthereisnoknockeronthedoorandthebelldoesnotseemtoring。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whyshouldtherebeaknocker？Whyshouldthebellring？Thedoorisopen。
　　THEGENTLEMAN。Precisely。SoIventuredtocomein。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Quiteright。Iwillseeaboutaroomforyou[hemakesforthedoor]。
　　THEGENTLEMAN[stoppinghim]。ButI’mafraidyoudon’tknowwhoI
　　am。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。DOyousupposethatatmyageImakedistinctionsbetweenonefellowcreatureandanother？[Hegoesout。Manganandthenewcomerstareatoneanother]。
　　MANGAN。Strangecharacter，CaptainShotover，sir。
　　THEGENTLEMAN。Very。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[shoutingoutside]。Hesione，anotherpersonhasarrivedandwantsaroom。Manabouttown，welldressed，fifty。
　　THEGENTLEMAN。FancyHesione’sfeelings！MayIaskareyouamemberofthefamily？
　　MANGAN。No。
　　THEGENTLEMAN。Iam。Atleastaconnection。
　　MrsHushabyecomesback。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Howdoyoudo？Howgoodofyoutocome！
　　THEGENTLEMAN。Iamverygladindeedtomakeyouracquaintance，Hesione。[Insteadoftakingherhandhekissesher。Atthesamemomentthecaptainappearsinthedoorway]。Youwillexcusemykissingyourdaughter，Captain，whenItellyouthat——
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Stuff！Everyonekissesmydaughter。Kissherasmuchasyoulike[hemakesforthepantry]。
　　THEGENTLEMAN。Thankyou。Onemoment，Captain。[Thecaptainhaltsandturns。Thegentlemangoestohimaffably]。Doyouhappentorememberbutprobablyyoudon’t，asitoccurredmanyyearsago——
　　thatyouryoungerdaughtermarriedanumskull？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Yes。Shesaidshe’dmarryanybodytogetawayfromthishouse。Ishouldnothaverecognizedyou：yourheadisnolongerlikeawalnut。Youraspectissoftened。Youhavebeenboiledinbreadandmilkforyearsandyears，likeothermarriedmen。Poordevil！[Hedisappearsintothepantry]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[goingpastMangantothegentlemanandscrutinizinghim]。Idon’tbelieveyouareHastingsUtterword。
　　THEGENTLEMAN。Iamnot。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhatbusinesshadyoutokissme？
　　THEGENTLEMAN。IthoughtIwouldliketo。Thefactis，IamRandallUtterword，theunworthyyoungerbrotherofHastings。I
　　wasabroaddiplomatizingwhenhewasmarried。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[dashingin]。Hesione，whereisthekeyofthewardrobeinmyroom？Mydiamondsareinmydressing—bag：Imustlockitup——[recognizingthestrangerwithashock]Randall，howdareyou？[ShemarchesathimpastMrsHushabye，whoretreatsandjoinsMangannearthesofa]。
　　RANDALL。HowdareIwhat？Iamnotdoinganything。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。WhotoldyouIwashere？
　　RANDALL。Hastings。YouhadjustleftwhenIcalledonyouatClaridge’s;soIfollowedyoudownhere。Youarelookingextremelywell。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Don’tpresumetotellmeso。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。WhatiswrongwithMrRandall，Addy？
　　LADYUTTERWORD[recollectingherself]。Oh，nothing。Buthehasnorighttocomebotheringyouandpapawithoutbeinginvited[shegoestothewindow—seatandsitsdown，turningawayfromthemill—humoredlyandlookingintothegarden，whereHectorandElliearenowseenstrollingtogether]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。IthinkyouhavenotmetMrMangan，Addy。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[turningherheadandnoddingcoldlytoMangan]。I
　　begyourpardon。Randall，youhaveflusteredmeso：Imakeaperfectfoolofmyself。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。LadyUtterword。Mysister。Myyoungersister。
　　MANGAN[bowing]。Pleasedtomeetyou，LadyUtterword。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[withmarkedinterest]。WhoisthatgentlemanwalkinginthegardenwithMissDunn？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Idon’tknow。Shequarrelledmortallywithmyhusbandonlytenminutesago;andIdidn’tknowanyoneelsehadcome。Itmustbeavisitor。[Shegoestothewindowtolook]。Oh，itisHector。They’vemadeitup。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Yourhusband！Thathandsomeman？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Well，whyshouldn’tmyhusbandbeahandsomeman？
　　RANDALL[joiningthematthewindow]。One’shusbandneveris，Ariadne[hesitsbyLadyUtterword，onherright]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。One’ssister’shusbandalwaysis，MrRandall。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Don’tbevulgar，Randall。Andyou，Hesione，arejustasbad。
　　EllieandHectorcomeinfromthegardenbythestarboarddoor。
　　Randallrises。Ellieretiresintothecornernearthepantry。
　　Hectorcomesforward;andLadyUtterwordriseslookingherverybest。
　　MRS。HUSHABYE。Hector，thisisAddy。
　　HECTOR[apparentlysurprised]。Notthislady。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[smiling]。Whynot？
　　HECTOR[lookingatherwithapiercingglanceofdeepbutrespectfuladmiration，hismoustachebristling]。Ithought——
　　[pullinghimselftogether]。Ibegyourpardon，LadyUtterword。I
　　amextremelygladtowelcomeyouatlastunderourroof[heoffershishandwithgravecourtesy]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Shewantstobekissed，Hector。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Hesione！[Butshestillsmiles]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。CallherAddy;andkissherlikeagoodbrother—in—law;andhavedonewithit。[Sheleavesthemtothemselves]。
　　HECTOR。Behaveyourself，Hesione。LadyUtterwordisentitlednotonlytohospitalitybuttocivilization。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[gratefully]。Thankyou，Hector。[Theyshakehandscordially]。
　　MazziniDunnisseencrossingthegardenfromstarboardtoport。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[comingfromthepantryandaddressingEllie]。
　　Yourfatherhaswashedhimself。
　　ELLIE[quiteself—possessed]。Heoftendoes，CaptainShotover。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Astrangeconversion！Isawhimthroughthepantrywindow。
　　MazziniDunnentersthroughtheportwindowdoor，newlywashedandbrushed，andstops，smilingbenevolently，betweenManganandMrsHushabye。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[introducing]。MrMazziniDunn，LadyUt——oh，I
　　forgot：you’vemet。[IndicatingEllie]MissDunn。
　　MAZZINI[walkingacrosstheroomtotakeEllie’shand，andbeamingathisownnaughtyirony]。IhavemetMissDunnalso。Sheismydaughter。[Hedrawsherarmthroughhiscaressingly]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Ofcourse：howstupid！MrUtterword，mysister’s——
　　er——
　　RANDALL[shakinghandsagreeably]。Herbrother—in—law，MrDunn。
　　Howdoyoudo？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thisismyhusband。
　　HECTOR。Wehavemet，dear。Don’tintroduceusanymore。[Hemovesawaytothebigchair，andadds]Won’tyousitdown，LadyUtterword？[Shedoessoverygraciously]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Sorry。Ihateit：it’slikemakingpeopleshowtheirtickets。
　　MAZZINI[sententiously]。Howlittleittellsus，afterall！Thegreatquestionis，notwhoweare，butwhatweare。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ha！Whatareyou？
　　MAZZINI[takenaback]。WhatamI？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Athief，apirate，andamurderer。
　　MAZZINI。Iassureyouyouaremistaken。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Anadventurouslife;butwhatdoesitendin？
　　Respectability。Aladylikedaughter。Thelanguageandappearanceofacitymissionary。Letitbeawarningtoallofyou[hegoesoutthroughthegarden]。
　　DUNN。IhopenobodyherebelievesthatIamathief，apirate，oramurderer。MrsHushabye，willyouexcusemeamoment？Imustreallygoandexplain。[Hefollowsthecaptain]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[ashegoes]。It’snouse。You’dreallybetter——
　　[butDunnhasvanished]。Wehadbetterallgooutandlookforsometea。Weneverhaveregulartea;butyoucanalwaysgetsomewhenyouwant：theservantskeepitstewingallday。Thekitchenverandaisthebestplacetoask。MayIshowyou？[Shegoestothestarboarddoor]。
　　RANDALL[goingwithher]。Thankyou，Idon’tthinkI’lltakeanyteathisafternoon。Butifyouwillshowmethegarden——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。There’snothingtoseeinthegardenexceptpapa’sobservatory，andagravelpitwithacavewherehekeepsdynamiteandthingsofthatsort。However，it’spleasanteroutofdoors;
　　socomealong。
　　RANDALL。Dynamite！Isn’tthatratherrisky？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Well，wedon’tsitinthegravelpitwhenthere’sathunderstorm。
　　LADYUTTERORRD。That’ssomethingnew。Whatisthedynamitefor？
　　HECTOR。Toblowupthehumanraceifitgoestoofar。HeistryingtodiscoverapsychicraythatwillexplodealltheexplosiveatthewellofaMahatma。
　　ELLIE。Thecaptain’steaisdelicious，MrUtterword。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[stoppinginthedoorway]。Doyoumeantosaythatyou’vehadsomeofmyfather’stea？thatyougotroundhimbeforeyouweretenminutesinthehouse？
　　ELLIE。Idid。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youlittledevil！[ShegoesoutwithRandall]。
　　MANGAN。Won’tyoucome，MissEllie？
　　ELLIE。I’mtootired。I’lltakeabookuptomyroomandrestalittle。[Shegoestothebookshelf]。
　　MANGAN。Right。Youcan’tdobetter。ButI’mdisappointed。[HefollowsRandallandMrsHushabye]。
　　Ellie，Hector，andLadyUtterwordareleft。HectorisclosetoLadyUtterword。TheylookatEllie，waitingforhertogo。
　　ELLIE[lookingatthetitleofabook]。Doyoulikestoriesofadventure，LadyUtterword？
　　LADYUTTERWORD[patronizingly]。Ofcourse，dear。
　　ELLIE。ThenI’llleaveyoutoMrHushabye。[Shegoesoutthroughthehall]。
　　HECTOR。Thatgirlismadabouttalesofadventure。TheliesI
　　havetotellher！
　　LADYUTTERWORD[notinterestedinEllie]。Whenyousawmewhatdidyoumeanbysayingthatyouthought，andthenstoppingshort？
　　Whatdidyouthink？
　　HECTOR[foldinghisarmsandlookingdownathermagnetically]。
　　MayItellyou？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Ofcourse。
　　HECTOR。Itwillnotsoundverycivil。Iwasonthepointofsaying，"Ithoughtyouwereaplainwoman。"
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Oh，forshame，Hector！WhatrighthadyoutonoticewhetherIamplainornot？
　　HECTOR。Listentome，Ariadne。UntiltodayIhaveseenonlyphotographsofyou;andnophotographcangivethestrangefascinationofthedaughtersofthatsupernaturaloldman。Thereissomedamnablequalityinthemthatdestroysmen’smoralsense，andcarriesthembeyondhonoranddishonor。Youknowthat，don’tyou？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。PerhapsIdo，Hector。ButletmewarnyouonceforallthatIamarigidlyconventionalwoman。YoumaythinkbecauseI’maShotoverthatI’maBohemian，becauseweareallsohorriblyBohemian。ButI’mnot。IhateandloatheBohemianism。NochildbroughtupinastrictPuritanhouseholdeversufferedfromPuritanismasIsufferedfromourBohemianism。
　　HECTOR。Ourchildrenarelikethat。Theyspendtheirholidaysinthehousesoftheirrespectableschoolfellows。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。IshallinvitethemforChristmas。
　　HECTOR。Theirabsenceleavesusbothwithoutournaturalchaperones。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Childrenarecertainlyveryinconvenientsometimes。Butintelligentpeoplecanalwaysmanage，unlesstheyareBohemians。
　　HECTOR。YouarenoBohemian;butyouarenoPuritaneither：yourattractionisaliveandpowerful。Whatsortofwomandoyoucountyourself？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Iamawomanoftheworld，Hector;andIcanassureyouthatifyouwillonlytakethetroublealwaystodotheperfectlycorrectthing，andtosaytheperfectlycorrectthing，youcandojustwhatyoulike。Anill—conducted，carelesswomangetssimplynochance。Anill—conducted，carelessmanisneverallowedwithinarm’slengthofanywomanworthknowing。
　　HECTOR。Isee。YouareneitheraBohemianwomannoraPuritanwoman。Youareadangerouswoman。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Onthecontrary，Iamasafewoman。
　　HECTOR。Youareamostaccursedlyattractivewoman。Mind，Iamnotmakinglovetoyou。Idonotlikebeingattracted。ButyouhadbetterknowhowIfeelifyouaregoingtostayhere。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youareanexceedinglycleverlady—killer，Hector。Andterriblyhandsome。Iamquiteagoodplayer，myself，atthatgame。Isitquiteunderstoodthatweareonlyplaying？
　　HECTOR。Quite。Iamdeliberatelyplayingthefool，outofsheerworthlessness。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[risingbrightly]。Well，youaremybrother—in—law，Hesioneaskedyoutokissme。[Heseizesherinhisarmsandkissesherstrenuously]。Oh！thatwasalittlemorethanplay，brother—in—law。[Shepusheshimsuddenlyaway]。Youshallnotdothatagain。
　　HECTOR。Ineffect，yougotyourclawsdeeperintomethanI
　　intended。
　　MRSHUBHABYE[cominginfromthegarden]。Don’tletmedisturbyou;Ionlywantacaptoputondaddiest。Thesunissetting;
　　andhe’llcatchcold[shemakesforthedoorleadingtothehall]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Yourhusbandisquitecharming，darling。Hehasactuallycondescendedtokissmeatlast。Ishallgointothegarden：it’scoolernow[shegoesoutbytheportdoor]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Takecare，dearchild。Idon’tbelieveanymancankissAddywithoutfallinginlovewithher。[Shegoesintothehall]。
　　HECTOR[strikinghimselfonthechest]。Fool！Goat！
　　MrsHushabyecomesbackwiththecaptain’scap。
　　HECTOR。Yoursisterisanextremelyenterprisingoldgirl。
　　Where’sMissDunn！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Mangansaysshehasgoneuptoherroomforanap。
　　Addywon’tletyoutalktoEllie：shehasmarkedyouforherown。
　　HECTOR。Shehasthediabolicalfamilyfascination。Ibeganmakinglovetoherautomatically。WhatamItodo？Ican’tfallinlove;
　　andIcan’thurtawoman’sfeelingsbytellinghersowhenshefallsinlovewithme。AndaswomenarealwaysfallinginlovewithmymoustacheIgetlandedinallsortsoftediousandterrifyingflirtationsinwhichI’mnotabitinearnest。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，neitherisAddy。Shehasneverbeeninloveinherlife，thoughshehasalwaysbeentryingtofallinheadoverears。Sheisworsethanyou，becauseyouhadonerealgoatleast，withme。
　　HECTOR。Thatwasaconfoundedmadness。Ican’tbelievethatsuchanamazingexperienceiscommon。Ithasleftitsmarkonme。I
　　believethatiswhyIhaveneverbeenabletorepeatit。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[laughingandcaressinghisarm]。Wewerefrightfullyinlovewithoneanother，Hector。ItwassuchanenchantingdreamthatIhaveneverbeenabletogrudgeittoyouoranyoneelsesince。Ihaveinvitedallsortsofprettywomentothehouseonthechanceofgivingyouanotherturn。Butithasnevercomeoff。
　　HECTOR。Idon’tknowthatIwantittocomeoff。Itwasdamneddangerous。Youfascinatedme;butIlovedyou;soitwasheaven。
　　Thissisterofyoursfascinatesme;butIhateher;soitishell。Ishallkillherifshepersists。
　　MRS。HUSHABYE。NothingwillkillAddy;sheisasstrongasahorse。[Releasinghim]。NowIamgoingofftofascinatesomebody。
　　HECTOR。TheForeignOfficetoff？Randall？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Goodnessgracious，no！WhyshouldIfascinatehim？
　　HECTOR。Ipresumeyoudon’tmeanthebloatedcapitalist，Mangan？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Hm！IthinkhehadbetterbefascinatedbymethanbyEllie。[Sheisgoingintothegardenwhenthecaptaincomesinfromitwithsomesticksinhishand]。Whathaveyougotthere，daddiest？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Dynamite。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。You’vebeentothegravelpit。Don’tdropitaboutthehouse，there’sadear。[Shegoesintothegarden，wheretheeveninglightisnowveryred]。
　　HECTOR。Listen，Osage。Howlongdareyouconcentrateonafeelingwithoutriskinghavingitfixedinyourconsciousnessalltherestofyourlife？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ninetyminutes。Anhourandahalf。[Hegoesintothepantry]。
　　Hector，leftalone，contractshisbrows，andfallsintoaday—dream。Hedoesnotmoveforsometime。Thenhefoldshisarms。Then，throwinghishandsbehindhim，andgrippingonewiththeother，hestridestragicallyoncetoandfro。Suddenlyhesnatcheshiswalkingstickfromtheteaktable，anddrawsit;foritisaswordstick。Hefightsadesperateduelwithanimaginaryantagonist，andaftermanyvicissitudesrunshimthroughthebodyuptothehilt。Hesheatheshisswordandthrowsitonthesofa，fallingintoanotherreverieashedoesso。Helooksstraightintotheeyesofanimaginarywoman;seizesherbythearms;andsaysinadeepandthrillingtone，"Doyouloveme！"Thecaptaincomesoutofthepantryatthismoment;andHector，caughtwithhisarmsstretchedoutandhisfistsclenched，hastoaccountforhisattitudebygoingthroughaseriesofgymnasticexercises。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thatsortofstrengthisnogood。Youwillneverbeasstrongasagorilla。
　　HECTOR。Whatisthedynamitefor？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。TokillfellowslikeMangan。
　　HECTOR。Nouse。Theywillalwaysbeabletobuymoredynamitethanyou。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Iwillmakeadynamitethathecannotexplode。
　　HECTOR。Andthatyoucan，eh？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Yes：whenIhaveattainedtheseventhdegreeofconcentration。
　　HECTOR。What’stheuseofthat？Youneverdoattainit。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whatthenistobedone？Arewetobekeptforeverinthemudbythesehogstowhomtheuniverseisnothingbutamachineforgreasingtheirbristlesandfillingtheirsnouts？
　　HECTOR。AreMangan’sbristlesworsethanRandall’slovelocks？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER，。Wemustwinpowersoflifeanddeathoverthemboth。IrefusetodieuntilIhaveinventedthemeans。
　　HECTOR。Whoarewethatweshouldjudgethem？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whataretheythattheyshouldjudgeus？Yettheydo，unhesitatingly。Thereisenmitybetweenourseedandtheirseed。Theyknowitandactonit，stranglingoursouls。
　　Theybelieveinthemselves。Whenwebelieveinourselves，weshallkillthem。
　　HECTOR。Itisthesameseed。Youforgetthatyourpiratehasaverynicedaughter。Mangan’ssonmaybeaPlato：Randall’saShelley。Whatwasmyfather？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。ThedamnedstscoundrelIevermet。[Hereplacesthedrawing—board;sitsdownatthetable;andbeginstomixawashofcolor]。
　　HECTOR。Precisely。Well，dareyoukillhisinnocentgrandchildren？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Theyareminealso。
　　HECTOR。Justso——wearemembersoneofanother。[Hethrowshimselfcarelesslyonthesofa]。ItellyouIhaveoftenthoughtofthiskillingofhumanvermin。Manymenhavethoughtofit。
　　DecentmenarelikeDanielinthelion’sden：theirsurvivalisamiracle;andtheydonotalwayssurvive。WeliveamongtheMangansandRandallsandBillieDunnsasthey，poordevils，liveamongthediseasegermsandthedoctorsandthelawyersandtheparsonsandtherestaurantchefsandthetradesmenandtheservantsandalltherestoftheparasitesandblackmailers。Whatareourterrorstotheirs？Givemethepowertokillthem;andI’llsparetheminsheer——
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[cuttinginsharply]。Fellowfeeling？
　　HECTOR。No。IshouldkillmyselfifIbelievedthat。Imustbelievethatmyspark，smallasitis，isdivine，andthattheredlightovertheirdoorishellfire。Ishouldsparetheminsimplemagnanimouspity。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youcan’tsparethemuntilyouhavethepowertokillthem。Atpresenttheyhavethepowertokillyou。Therearemillionsofblacksoverthewaterforthemtotrainandletlooseonus。They’regoingtodoit。They’redoingitalready。
　　HECTOR。Theyaretoostupidtousetheirpower。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[throwingdownhisbrushandcomingtotheendofthesofa]。Donotdeceiveyourself：theydouseit。Wekillthebetterhalfofourselveseverydaytopropitiatethem。Theknowledgethatthesepeoplearetheretorenderallouraspirationsbarrenpreventsushavingtheaspirations。Andwhenwearetemptedtoseektheirdestructiontheybringforthdemonstodeludeus，disguisedasprettydaughters，andsingersandpoetsandthelike，forwhosesakewesparethem。
　　HECTOR[sittingupandleaningtowardshim]。MaynotHesionebesuchademon，broughtforthbyyoulestIshouldslayyou？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thatispossible。Shehasusedyouup，andleftyounothingbutdreams，assomewomendo。
　　HECTOR。Vampirewomen，demonwomen。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Menthinktheworldwelllostforthem，andloseitaccordingly。Whoarethementhatdothings？Thehusbandsoftheshrewandofthedrunkard，themenwiththethornintheflesh。[Walkingdistractedlyawaytowardsthepantry]。Imustthinkthesethingsout。[Turningsuddenly]。ButIgoonwiththedynamitenonetheless。IwilldiscoveraraymightierthananyX—ray：amindraythatwillexplodetheammunitioninthebeltofmyadversarybeforehecanpointhisgunatme。AndImusthurry。
　　Iamold：Ihavenotimetowasteintalk[heisabouttogointothepantry，andHectorismakingforthehall，whenHesionecomesback]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Daddiest，youandHectormustcomeandhelpmetoentertainallthesepeople。Whatonearthwereyoushoutingabout？
　　HECTOR[stoppingintheactofturningthedoorhandle]。Heismadderthanusual。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Weallare。
　　HECTOR。Imustchange[heresumeshisdooropening]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Stop，stop。Comeback，bothofyou。Comeback。
　　[Theyreturn，reluctantly]。Moneyisrunningshort。
　　HECTOR。Money！WherearemyAprildividends？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whereisthesnowthatfelllastyear？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。WhereisallthemoneyyouhadforthatpatentlifeboatIinvented？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Fivehundredpounds;andIhavemadeitlastsinceEaster！
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。SinceEaster！Barelyfourmonths！Monstrousextravagance！Icouldliveforsevenyearson500pounds。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Notkeepingopenhouseaswedohere，daddiest。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Only500poundsforthatlifeboat！Igottwelvethousandfortheinventionbeforethat。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Yes，dear;butthatwasfortheshipwiththemagnetickeelthatsuckedupsubmarines。Livingattheratewedo，youcannotaffordlife—savinginventions。Can’tyouthinkofsomethingthatwillmurderhalfEuropeatonebang？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No。Iamageingfast。MyminddoesnotdwellonslaughterasitdidwhenIwasaboy。Whydoesn’tyourhusbandinventsomething？Hedoesnothingbuttellliestowomen。
　　HECTOR。Well，thatisaformofinvention，isitnot？However，youareright：Ioughttosupportmywife。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Indeedyoushalldonothingofthesort：Ishouldneverseeyoufrombreakfasttodinner。Iwantmyhusband。
　　HECTOR[bitterly]。Imightaswellbeyourlapdog。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Doyouwanttobemybreadwinner，liketheotherpoorhusbands？
　　HECTOR。No，bythunder！Whatadamnedcreatureahusbandisanyhow！
　　MRSHUSHABYE[tothecaptain]。Whataboutthatharpooncannon？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Nouse。Itkillswhales，notmen。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whynot？Youfiretheharpoonoutofacannon。Itsticksintheenemy’sgeneral;youwindhimin;andthereyouare。
　　HECTOR。Youareyourfather’sdaughter，Hesione。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thereissomethinginit。Nottowindingenerals：theyarenotdangerous。Butonecouldfireagrapnelandwindinamachinegunorevenatank。Iwillthinkitout。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[squeezingthecaptain’sarmaffectionately]。Saved！
　　Youareadarling，daddiest。Nowwemustgobacktothesedreadfulpeopleandentertainthem。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Theyhavehadnodinner。Don’tforgetthat。
　　HECTOR。NeitherhaveI。Anditisdark：itmustbeallhours。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，Guinnesswillproducesomesortofdinnerforthem。Theservantsalwaystakejollygoodcarethatthereisfoodinthehouse。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[raisingastrangewailinthedarkness]。Whatahouse！Whatadaughter！
　　MRSHUSHABYE[raving]。Whatafather！
　　HECTOR[followingsuit]。Whatahusband！
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Istherenothunderinheaven？
　　HECTOR。Istherenobeauty，nobravery，onearth？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whatdomenwant？Theyhavetheirfood，theirfiresides，theirclothesmended，andourloveattheendoftheday。Whyaretheynotsatisfied？Whydotheyenvyusthepainwithwhichwebringthemintotheworld，andmakestrangedangersandtormentsforthemselvestobeevenwithus？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[weirdlychanting]。
　　Ibuildedahouseformydaughters，andopenedthedoorsthereof，Thatmenmightcomefortheirchoosing，andtheirbettersspringfromtheirlove;
　　Butoneofthemmarriedanumskull;
　　HECTOR[takinguptherhythm]。
　　Theotheraliarwed;
　　MRSHUSHABYE[completingthestanza]。
　　Andnowmustsheliebesidehim，evenasshemadeherbed。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[callingfromthegarden]。Hesione！Hesione！Whereareyou？
　　HECTOR。Thecatisonthetiles。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Coming，darling，coming[shegoesquicklyintothegarden]。
　　Thecaptaingoesbacktohisplaceatthetable。
　　HECTOR[goingoutintothehall]。ShallIturnupthelightsforyou？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No。Givemedeeperdarkness。Moneyisnotmadeinthelight。
　　ACTII
　　Thesameroom，withthelightsturnedupandthecurtainsdrawn。
　　Elliecomesin，followedbyMangan。Botharedressedfordinner。
　　Shestrollstothedrawing—table。Hecomesbetweenthetableandthewickerchair。
　　MANGAN。Whatadinner！Idon’tcallitadinner：Icallitameal。
　　ELLIE。Iamaccustomedtomeals，MrMangan，andveryluckytogetthem。Besides，thecaptaincookedsomemaccaroniforme。
　　MANGAN[shudderingliverishly]。Toorich：Ican’teatsuchthings。Isupposeit’sbecauseIhavetoworksomuchwithmybrain。That’stheworstofbeingamanofbusiness：youarealwaysthinking，thinking，thinking。Bytheway，nowthatwearealone，mayItaketheopportunitytocometoalittleunderstandingwithyou？
　　ELLIE[settlingintothedraughtsman’sseat]。Certainly。Ishouldliketo。
　　MANGAN[takenaback]。Shouldyou？Thatsurprisesme;forI
　　thoughtInoticedthisafternoonthatyouavoidedmeallyoucould。Notforthefirsttimeeither。
　　ELLIE。Iwasverytiredandupset。Iwasn’tusedtothewaysofthisextraordinaryhouse。Pleaseforgiveme。
　　MANGAN。Oh，that’sallright：Idon’tmind。ButCaptainShotoverhasbeentalkingtomeaboutyou。Youandme，youknow。
　　ELLIE[interested]。Thecaptain！Whatdidhesay？
　　MANGAN。Well，henoticedthedifferencebetweenourages。
　　ELLIE。Henoticeseverything。
　　MANGAN。Youdon’tmind，then？
　　ELLIE。OfcourseIknowquitewellthatourengagement——
　　MANGAN。Oh！youcallitanengagement。
　　ELLIE。Well，isn’tit？
　　MANGAN。Oh，yes，yes：nodoubtitisifyouholdtoit。Thisisthefirsttimeyou’veusedtheword;andIdidn’tquiteknowwherewestood：that’sall。[Hesitsdowninthewickerchair;
　　andresignshimselftoallowhertoleadtheconversation]。Youweresaying——？
　　ELLIE。WasI？Iforget。Tellme。Doyoulikethispartofthecountry？IheardyouaskMrHushabyeatdinnerwhetherthereareanynicehousestoletdownhere。