MANGAN。Iliketheplace。Theairsuitsme。Ishouldn’tbesurprisedifIsettleddownhere。
　　ELLIE。Nothingwouldpleasemebetter。Theairsuitsmetoo。AndIwanttobenearHesione。
　　MANGAN[withgrowinguneasiness]。Theairmaysuitus;butthequestionis，shouldwesuitoneanother？Haveyouthoughtaboutthat？
　　ELLIE。MrMangan，wemustbesensible，mustn’twe？It’snousepretendingthatweareRomeoandJuliet。Butwecangetonverywelltogetherifwechoosetomakethebestofit。Yourkindnessofheartwillmakeiteasyforme。
　　MANGAN[leaningforward，withthebeginningofsomethinglikedeliberateunpleasantnessinhisvoice]。Kindnessofheart，eh？I
　　ruinedyourfather，didn’tI？
　　ELLIE。Oh，notintentionally。
　　MANGAN。YesIdid。Ruinedhimonpurpose。
　　ELLIE。Onpurpose！
　　MANGAN。Notoutofill—nature，youknow。Andyou’lladmitthatI
　　keptajobforhimwhenIhadfinishedwithhim。Butbusinessisbusiness;andIruinedhimasamatterofbusiness。
　　ELLIE。Idon’tunderstandhowthatcanbe。AreyoutryingtomakemefeelthatIneednotbegratefultoyou，sothatImaychoosefreely？
　　MANGAN[risingaggressively]。No。ImeanwhatIsay。
　　ELLIE。Buthowcoulditpossiblydoyouanygoodtoruinmyfather？Themoneyhelostwasyours。
　　MANGAN[withasourlaugh]。Wasmine！Itismine，MissEllie，andallthemoneytheotherfellowslosttoo。[Heshoveshishandsintohispocketsandshowshisteeth]。Ijustsmokedthemoutlikeahiveofbees。Whatdoyousaytothat？Abitofshock，eh？
　　ELLIE。Itwouldhavebeen，thismorning。Now！youcan’tthinkhowlittleitmatters。Butit’squiteinteresting。Only，youmustexplainittome。Idon’tunderstandit。[Proppingherelbowsonthedrawingboardandherchinonherhands，shecomposesherselftolistenwithacombinationofconsciouscuriositywithunconsciouscontemptwhichprovokeshimtomoreandmoreunpleasantness，andanattemptatpatronageofherignorance]。
　　MANGAN。Ofcourseyoudon’tunderstand：whatdoyouknowaboutbusiness？Youjustlistenandlearn。Yourfather’sbusinesswasanewbusiness;andIdon’tstartnewbusinesses：Iletotherfellowsstartthem。Theyputalltheirmoneyandtheirfriends’
　　moneyintostartingthem。Theywearouttheirsoulsandbodiestryingtomakeasuccessofthem。They’rewhatyoucallenthusiasts。Butthefirstdeadliftofthethingistoomuchforthem;andtheyhaven’tenoughfinancialexperience。Inayearorsotheyhaveeithertoletthewholeshowgobust，orsellouttoanewlotoffellowsforafewdeferredordinaryshares：thatis，ifthey’reluckyenoughtogetanythingatall。Aslikelyasnottheverysamethinghappenstothenewlot。Theyputinmoremoneyandacoupleofyears’morework;andthenperhapstheyhavetosellouttoathirdlot。Ifit’sreallyabigthingthethirdlotwillhavetosellouttoo，andleavetheirworkandtheirmoneybehindthem。Andthat’swheretherealbusinessmancomesin：whereIcomein。ButI’mclevererthansome：Idon’tminddroppingalittlemoneytostarttheprocess。Itookyourfather’smeasure。Isawthathehadasoundidea，andthathewouldworkhimselfsillyforitifhegotthechance。Isawthathewasachildinbusiness，andwasdeadcertaintooutrunhisexpensesandbeintoogreatahurrytowaitforhismarket。I
　　knewthatthesurestwaytoruinamanwhodoesn’tknowhowtohandlemoneyistogivehimsome。Iexplainedmyideatosomefriendsinthecity，andtheyfoundthemoney;forItakenorisksinideas，evenwhenthey’remyown。Yourfatherandthefriendsthatventuredtheirmoneywithhimwerenomoretomethanaheapofsqueezedlemons。You’vebeenwastingyourgratitude：mykindheartisallrot。I’msickofit。WhenIseeyourfatherbeamingatmewithhismoist，gratefuleyes，regularlywallowingingratitude，IsometimesfeelImusttellhimthetruthorburst。WhatstopsmeisthatIknowhewouldn’tbelieveme。He’dthinkitwasmymodesty，asyoudidjustnow。
　　He’dthinkanythingratherthanthetruth，whichisthathe’sablamedfool，andIamamanthatknowshowtotakecareofhimself。[Hethrowshimselfbackintothebigchairwithlargeselfapproval]。Nowwhatdoyouthinkofme，MissEllie？
　　ELLIE[droppingherhands]。Howstrange！thatmymother，whoknewnothingatallaboutbusiness，shouldhavebeenquiterightaboutyou！Shealwayssaidnotbeforepapa，ofcourse，buttouschildren——thatyouwerejustthatsortofman。
　　MANGAN[sittingup，muchhurt]。Oh！didshe？Andyetshe’dhaveletyoumarryme。
　　ELLIE。Well，yousee，MrMangan，mymothermarriedaverygoodman——forwhateveryoumaythinkofmyfatherasamanofbusiness，heisthesoulofgoodness——andsheisnotatallkeenonmydoingthesame。
　　MANGAN。Anyhow，youdon’twanttomarrymenow，doyou？
　　ELLIE。[verycalmly]。Oh，Ithinkso。Whynot？
　　MANGAN。[risingaghast]。Whynot！
　　ELLIE。Idon’tseewhyweshouldn’tgetonverywelltogether。
　　MANGAN。Well，butlookhere，youknow——[hestops，quiteataloss]。
　　ELLIE。[patiently]。Well？
　　MANGAN。Well，Ithoughtyouwereratherparticularaboutpeople’scharacters。
　　ELLIE。Ifwewomenwereparticularaboutmen’scharacters，weshouldnevergetmarriedatall，MrMangan。
　　MANGAN。Achildlikeyoutalkingof"wewomen"！Whatnext！You’renotinearnest？
　　ELLIE。Yes，Iam。Aren’tyou？
　　MANGAN。Youmeantoholdmetoit？
　　ELLIE。Doyouwishtobackoutofit？
　　MANGAN。Oh，no。Notexactlybackoutofit。
　　ELLIE。Well？
　　Hehasnothingtosay。Withalongwhisperedwhistle，hedropsintothewickerchairandstaresbeforehimlikeabeggaredgambler。Butacunninglooksooncomesintohisface。Heleansovertowardsheronhisrightelbow，andspeaksinalowsteadyvoice。
　　MANGAN。SupposeItoldyouIwasinlovewithanotherwoman！
　　ELLIE[echoinghim]。SupposeItoldyouIwasinlovewithanotherman！
　　MANGAN[bouncingangrilyoutofhischair]。I’mnotjoking。
　　ELLIE。WhotoldyouIwas？
　　MANGAN。ItellyouI’mserious。You’retooyoungtobeserious;
　　butyou’llhavetobelieveme。IwanttobenearyourfriendMrsHushabye。I’minlovewithher。Nowthemurder’sout。
　　ELLIE。IwanttobenearyourfriendMrHushabye。I’minlovewithhim。[Sherisesandaddswithafrankair]Nowweareinoneanother’sconfidence，weshallberealfriends。Thankyoufortellingme。
　　MANGAN[almostbesidehimself]。DoyouthinkI’llbemadeaconvenienceoflikethis？
　　ELLIE。Come，MrMangan！youmadeabusinessconvenienceofmyfather。Well，awoman’sbusinessismarriage。Whyshouldn’tI
　　makeadomesticconvenienceofyou？
　　MANGAN。BecauseIdon’tchoose，see？BecauseI’mnotasillygulllikeyourfather。That’swhy。
　　ELLIE[withserenecontempt]。Youarenotgoodenoughtocleanmyfather’sboots，MrMangan;andIampayingyouagreatcomplimentincondescendingtomakeaconvenienceofyou，asyoucallit。Ofcourseyouarefreetothrowoverourengagementifyoulike;
　　but，ifyoudo，you’llneverenterHesione’shouseagain：Iwilltakecareofthat。
　　MANGAN[gasping]。Youlittledevil，you’vedoneme。[Onthepointofcollapsingintothebigchairagainherecovershimself]。Waitabit，though：you’renotsocuteasyouthink。Youcan’tbeatBossManganaseasyasthat。SupposeIgostraighttoMrsHushabyeandtellherthatyou’reinlovewithherhusband。
　　ELLIE。Sheknowsit。
　　MANGAN。Youtoldher！！！
　　ELLIE。Shetoldme。
　　MANGAN[clutchingathisburstingtemples]。Oh，thisisacrazyhouse。OrelseI’mgoingcleanoffmychump。Isshemakingaswopwithyou——shetohaveyourhusbandandyoutohavehers？
　　ELLIE。Well，youdon’twantusboth，doyou？
　　MANGAN[throwinghimselfintothechairdistractedly]。Mybrainwon’tstandit。Myhead’sgoingtosplit。Help！Helpmetoholdit。Quick：holdit：squeezeit。Saveme。[Elliecomesbehindhischair;claspshisheadhardforamoment;thenbeginstodrawherhandsfromhisforeheadbacktohisears]。Thankyou。[Drowsily]。
　　That’sveryrefreshing。[Wakingalittle]。Don’tyouhypnotizeme，though。I’veseenmenmadefoolsofbyhypnotism。
　　ELLIE[steadily]。Bequiet。I’veseenmenmadefoolsofwithouthypnotism。
　　MANGAN[humbly]。Youdon’tdisliketouchingme，Ihope。Younevertouchedmebefore，Inoticed。
　　ELLIE。Notsinceyoufellinlovenaturallywithagrown—upnicewoman，whowillneverexpectyoutomakelovetoher。AndIwillneverexpecthimtomakelovetome。
　　MANGAN。Hemay，though。
　　ELLIE[makingherpassesrhythmically]。Hush。Gotosleep。Doyouhear？Youaretogotosleep，gotosleep，gotosleep;bequiet，deeplydeeplyquiet;sleep，sleep，sleep，sleep，sleep。
　　Hefallsasleep。Elliestealsaway;turnsthelightout;andgoesintothegarden。
　　NurseGuinnessopensthedoorandisseeninthelightwhichcomesinfromthehall。
　　GUINNESS[speakingtosomeoneoutside]。MrMangan’snothere，duckie：there’snoonehere。It’salldark。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[without]。Trythegarden。MrDunnandIwillbeinmyboudoir。Showhimtheway。
　　GUINNESS。Yes，ducky。[Shemakesforthegardendoorinthedark;
　　stumblesoverthesleepingManganandscreams]。Ahoo！OLord，Sir！Ibegyourpardon，I’msure：Ididn’tseeyouinthedark。
　　Whoisit？[Shegoesbacktothedoorandturnsonthelight]。
　　Oh，MrMangan，sir，IhopeIhaven’thurtyouplumpingintoyourlaplikethat。[Comingtohim]。Iwaslookingforyou，sir。MrsHushabyesayswillyouplease[noticingthatheremainsquiteinsensible]。Oh，mygoodLord，IhopeIhaven’tkilledhim。Sir！
　　MrMangan！Sir！[Sheshakeshim;andheisrollinginertlyoffthechaironthefloorwhensheholdshimupandpropshimagainstthecushion]。MissHessy！MissHessy！[quick，dotydarling。MissHessy！[MrsHushabyecomesinfromthehall，followedbyMazziniDunn]。Oh，MissHessy，I’vebeenandkilledhim。
　　MazzinirunsroundthebackofthechairtoMangan’srighthand，andseesthatthenurse’swordsareapparentlyonlytootrue。
　　MAZZINI。Whattemptedyoutocommitsuchacrime，woman？
　　MRSHUSHABYE[tryingnottolaugh]。Doyoumean，youdiditonpurpose？
　　GUINNESS。NowisitlikelyI’dkillanymanonpurpose？Ifelloverhiminthedark;andI’maprettytidyweight。HeneverspokenormoveduntilIshookhim;andthenhewouldhavedroppeddeadonthefloor。Isn’tittiresome？
　　MRSHUSHABYE[goingpastthenursetoMangan’sside，andinspectinghimlesscredulouslythanMazzini]。Nonsense！heisnotdead：heisonlyasleep。Icanseehimbreathing。
　　GUINNESS。Butwhywon’thewake？
　　MAZZINI[speakingverypolitelyintoMangan’sear]。Mangan！MydearMangan！[heblowsintoMangan’sear]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。That’snogood[sheshakeshimvigorously]。MrMangan，wakeup。Doyouhear？[Hebeginstorollover]。Oh！
　　Nurse，nurse：he’sfalling：helpme。
　　NurseGuinnessrushestotherescue。WithMazzini’sassistance，Manganisproppedsafelyupagain。
　　GUINNESS[behindthechair;bendingovertotestthecasewithhernose]。Wouldhebedrunk，doyouthink，pet？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Hadheanyofpapa’srum？
　　MAZZINI。Itcan’tbethat：heismostabstemious。Iamafraidhedranktoomuchformerly，andhastodrinktoolittlenow。Youknow，MrsHushabye，Ireallythinkhehasbeenhypnotized。
　　GUINNESS。Hipnowhat，sir？
　　MAZZINI。Oneeveningathome，afterwehadseenahypnotizingperformance，thechildrenbeganplayingatit;andElliestrokedmyhead。IassureyouIwentoffdeadasleep;andtheyhadtosendforaprofessionaltowakemeupafterIhadslepteighteenhours。Theyhadtocarrymeupstairs;andasthepoorchildrenwerenotverystrong，theyletmeslip;andIrolledrightdownthewholeflightandneverwokeup。[MrsHushabyesplutters]。Oh，youmaylaugh，MrsHushabye;butImighthavebeenkilled。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Icouldn’thavehelpedlaughingevenifyouhadbeen，MrDunn。SoElliehashypnotizedhim。Whatfun！
　　MAZZINI。Ohno，no，no。Itwassuchaterriblelessontoher：
　　nothingwouldinducehertotrysuchathingagain。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhodidit？Ididn’t。
　　MAZZINI。Ithoughtperhapsthecaptainmighthavedoneitunintentionally。Heissofearfullymagnetic：Ifeelvibrationswheneverhecomesclosetome。
　　GUINNESS。Thecaptainwillgethimoutofitanyhow，sir：I’llbackhimforthat。I’llgofetchhim[shemakesforthepantry]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Waitabit。[ToMazzini]。Yousayheisallrightforeighteenhours？
　　MAZZINI。Well，Iwasasleepforeighteenhours。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Wereyouanytheworseforit？
　　MAZZINI。Idon’tquiteremember。Theyhadpouredbrandydownmythroat，yousee;and——
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Quite。Anyhow，yousurvived。Nurse，darling：goandaskMissDunntocometoushere。SayIwanttospeaktoherparticularly。YouwillfindherwithMrHushabyeprobably。
　　GUINNESS。Ithinknot，ducky：MissAddyiswithhim。ButI’llfindherandsendhertoyou。[Shegoesoutintothegarden]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[callingMazzini’sattentiontothefigureonthechair]。Now，MrDunn，look。Justlook。Lookhard。Doyoustillintendtosacrificeyourdaughtertothatthing？
　　MAZZINI[troubled]。Youhavecompletelyupsetme，MrsHushabye，byallyouhavesaidtome。ThatanyonecouldimaginethatI——I，aconsecratedsoldieroffreedom，ifImaysayso——couldsacrificeEllietoanybodyoranyone，orthatIshouldeverhavedreamedofforcingherinclinationsinanyway，isamostpainfulblowtomy——well，Isupposeyouwouldsaytomygoodopinionofmyself。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[ratherstolidly]。Sorry。
　　MAZZINI[lookingforlornlyatthebody]。WhatisyourobjectiontopoorMangan，MrsHushabye？Helooksallrighttome。ButthenIamsoaccustomedtohim。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Haveyounoheart？Haveyounosense？Lookatthebrute！ThinkofpoorweakinnocentEllieintheclutchesofthisslavedriver，whospendshislifemakingthousandsofroughviolentworkmenbendtohiswillandsweatforhim：amanaccustomedtohavegreatmassesofironbeatenintoshapeforhimbysteam—hammers！tofightwithwomenandgirlsoverahalfpennyanhourruthlessly！acaptainofindustry，Ithinkyoucallhim，don’tyou？Areyougoingtoflingyourdelicate，sweet，helplesschildintosuchabeast’sclawsjustbecausehewillkeepherinanexpensivehouseandmakeherweardiamondstoshowhowrichheis？
　　MAZZINI[staringatherinwide—eyedamazement]。Blessyou，dearMrsHushabye，whatromanticideasofbusinessyouhave！PoordearManganisn’tabitlikethat。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[scornfully]。PoordearManganindeed！
　　MAZZINI。Buthedoesn’tknowanythingaboutmachinery。Henevergoesnearthemen：hecouldn’tmanagethem：heisafraidofthem。
　　Inevercangethimtotaketheleastinterestintheworks：hehardlyknowsmoreaboutthemthanyoudo。PeoplearecruellyunjusttoMangan：theythinkheisallruggedstrengthjustbecausehismannersarebad。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Doyoumeantotellmeheisn’tstrongenoughtocrushpoorlittleEllie？
　　MAZZINI。Ofcourseit’sveryhardtosayhowanymarriagewillturnout;butspeakingformyself，Ishouldsaythathewon’thaveadog’schanceagainstEllie。Youknow，Elliehasremarkablestrengthofcharacter。IthinkitisbecauseItaughthertolikeShakespearewhenshewasveryyoung。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[contemptuously]。Shakespeare！ThenextthingyouwilltellmeisthatyoucouldhavemadeagreatdealmoremoneythanMangan。[Sheretirestothesofa，andsitsdownattheportendofitintheworstofhumors]。
　　MAZZINI[followingherandtakingtheotherend]。No：I’mnogoodatmakingmoney。Idon’tcareenoughforit，somehow。I’mnotambitious！thatmustbeit。Manganiswonderfulaboutmoney：hethinksofnothingelse。Heissodreadfullyafraidofbeingpoor。
　　Iamalwaysthinkingofotherthings：evenattheworksIthinkofthethingswearedoingandnotofwhattheycost。Andtheworstofitis，poorMangandoesn’tknowwhattodowithhismoneywhenhegetsit。Heissuchababythathedoesn’tknowevenwhattoeatanddrink：hehasruinedhislivereatinganddrinkingthewrongthings;andnowhecanhardlyeatatall。
　　Elliewilldiethimsplendidly。Youwillbesurprisedwhenyoucometoknowhimbetter：heisreallythemosthelplessofmortals。Yougetquiteaprotectivefeelingtowardshim。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thenwhomanageshisbusiness，pray？
　　MAZZINI。Ido。Andofcourseotherpeoplelikeme。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Footlingpeople，youmean。
　　MAZZINI。Isupposeyou’dthinkusso。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Andpraywhydon’tyoudowithouthimifyou’reallsomuchcleverer？
　　MAZZINI。Oh，wecouldn’t：weshouldruinthebusinessinayear。
　　I’vetried;andIknow。Weshouldspendtoomuchoneverything。
　　Weshouldimprovethequalityofthegoodsandmakethemtoodear。Weshouldbesentimentalaboutthehardcasesamongtheworkpeople。ButMangankeepsusinorder。Heisdownonusabouteveryextrahalfpenny。Wecouldneverdowithouthim。Yousee，hewillsitupallnightthinkingofhowtosavesixpence。Won’tElliemakehimjump，though，whenshetakeshishouseinhand！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thenthecreatureisafraudevenasacaptainofindustry！
　　MAZZINI。Iamafraidallthecaptainsofindustryarewhatyoucallfrauds，MrsHushabye。Ofcoursetherearesomemanufacturerswhoreallydounderstandtheirownworks;buttheydon’tmakeashigharateofprofitasMangandoes。IassureyouManganisquiteagoodfellowinhisway。Hemeanswell。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Hedoesn’tlookwell。Heisnotinhisfirstyouth，ishe？
　　MAZZINI。Afterall，nohusbandisinhisfirstyouthforverylong，MrsHushabye。Andmencan’taffordtomarryintheirfirstyouthnowadays。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。NowifIsaidthat，itwouldsoundwitty。Whycan’tyousayitwittily？Whatonearthisthematterwithyou？Whydon’tyouinspireeverybodywithconfidence？withrespect？
　　MAZZINI[humbly]。IthinkthatwhatisthematterwithmeisthatIampoor。Youdon’tknowwhatthatmeansathome。Mind：Idon’tsaytheyhaveevercomplained。They’veallbeenwonderful：
　　they’vebeenproudofmypoverty。They’veevenjokedaboutitquiteoften。Butmywifehashadaverypoortimeofit。Shehasbeenquiteresigned——
　　MRSHUSHABYE[shudderinginvoluntarily！！
　　MAZZINI。There！Yousee，MrsHushabye。Idon’twantEllietoliveonresignation。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Doyouwanthertohavetoresignherselftolivingwithamanshedoesn’tlove？
　　MAZZINI[wistfully]。Areyousurethatwouldbeworsethanlivingwithamanshedidlove，ifhewasafootlingperson？
　　MRSHUSHABYE[relaxinghercontemptuousattitude，quiteinterestedinMazzininow]。Youknow，IreallythinkyoumustloveEllieverymuch;foryoubecomequitecleverwhenyoutalkabouther。
　　MAZZINI。Ididn’tknowIwassoverystupidonothersubjects。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youare，sometimes。
　　MAZZINI[turninghisheadaway;forhiseyesarewet]。Ihavelearntagooddealaboutmyselffromyou，MrsHushabye;andI’mafraidIshallnotbethehappierforyourplainspeaking。ButifyouthoughtIneededittomakemethinkofEllie’shappinessyouwereverymuchmistaken。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[leaningtowardshimkindly]。HaveIbeenabeast？
　　MAZZINI[pullinghimselftogether]。Itdoesn’tmatteraboutme，MrsHushabye。IthinkyoulikeEllie;andthatisenoughforme。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。I’mbeginningtolikeyoualittle。Iperfectlyloathedyouatfirst。Ithoughtyouthemostodious，self—satisfied，boresomeelderlyprigIevermet。
　　MAZZINI[resigned，andnowquitecheerful]。IdaresayIamallthat。Ineverhavebeenafavoritewithgorgeouswomenlikeyou。
　　Theyalwaysfrightenme。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[pleased]。AmIagorgeouswoman，Mazzini？Ishallfallinlovewithyoupresently。
　　MAZZINI[withplacidgallantry]。No，youwon’t，Hesione。Butyouwouldbequitesafe。WouldyoubelieveitthatquitealotofwomenhaveflirtedwithmebecauseIamquitesafe？Buttheygettiredofmeforthesamereason。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[mischievously]。Takecare。Youmaynotbesosafeasyouthink。
　　MAZZINI。Ohyes，quitesafe。Yousee，Ihavebeeninlovereally：
　　thesortoflovethatonlyhappensonce。[Softly]。That’swhyEllieissuchalovelygirl。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Well，really，youarecomingout。Areyouquitesureyouwon’tletmetemptyouintoasecondgrandpassion？
　　MAZZINI。Quite。Itwouldn’tbenatural。Thefactis，youdon’tstrikeonmybox，MrsHushabye;andIcertainlydon’tstrikeonyours。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Isee。Yourmarriagewasasafetymatch。
　　MAZZINI。WhataverywittyapplicationoftheexpressionIused！
　　Ishouldneverhavethoughtofit。
　　Elliecomesinfromthegarden，lookinganythingbuthappy。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[rising]。Oh！hereisEllieatlast。[Shegoesbehindthesofa]。
　　ELLIE[onthethresholdofthestarboarddoor]。Guinnesssaidyouwantedme：youandpapa。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youhavekeptuswaitingsolongthatitalmostcameto——well，nevermind。Yourfatherisaverywonderfulman[sheruffleshishairaffectionately]：theonlyoneIevermetwhocouldresistmewhenImademyselfreallyagreeable。[Shecomestothebigchair，onMangan’sleft]。Comehere。Ihavesomethingtoshowyou。[Elliestrollslistlesslytotheothersideofthechair]。Look。
　　ELLIE[contemplatingManganwithoutinterest]。Iknow。Heisonlyasleep。Wehadatalkafterdinner;andhefellasleepinthemiddleofit。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youdidit，Ellie。Youputhimasleep。
　　MAZZINI[risingquicklyandcomingtothebackofthechair]。Oh，Ihopenot。Didyou，Ellie？
　　ELLIE[wearily]。Heaskedmeto。
　　MAZZINI。Butit’sdangerous。Youknowwhathappenedtome。
　　ELLIE[utterlyindifferent]。Oh，IdaresayIcanwakehim。Ifnot，somebodyelsecan。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Itdoesn’tmatter，anyhow，becauseIhaveatlastpersuadedyourfatherthatyoudon’twanttomarryhim。
　　ELLIE[suddenlycomingoutofherlistlessness，muchvexed]。Butwhydidyoudothat，Hesione？Idowanttomarryhim。Ifullyintendtomarryhim。
　　MAZZINI。Areyouquitesure，Ellie？MrsHushabyehasmademefeelthatImayhavebeenthoughtlessandselfishaboutit。
　　ELLIE[veryclearlyandsteadily]。Papa。WhenMrs。HushabyetakesitonherselftoexplaintoyouwhatIthinkordon’tthink，shutyourearstight;andshutyoureyestoo。Hesioneknowsnothingaboutme：shehasn’ttheleastnotionofthesortofpersonIam，andneverwill。IpromiseyouIwon’tdoanythingIdon’twanttodoandmeantodoformyownsake。
　　MAZZINI。Youarequite，quitesure？
　　ELLIE。Quite，quitesure。NowyoumustgoawayandleavemetotalktoMrsHushabye。
　　MAZZINI。ButIshouldliketohear。ShallIbeintheway？
　　ELLIE[inexorable]。Ihadrathertalktoheralone。
　　MAZZINI[affectionately]。Oh，well，Iknowwhatanuisanceparentsare，dear。Iwillbegoodandgo。[Hegoestothegardendoor]。Bytheway，doyouremembertheaddressofthatprofessionalwhowokemeup？Don’tyouthinkIhadbettertelegraphtohim？
　　MRSHUSHABYE[movingtowardsthesofa]。It’stoolatetotelegraphtonight。
　　MAZZINI。Isupposeso。Idohopehe’llwakeupinthecourseofthenight。[Hegoesoutintothegarden]。
　　ELLIE[turningvigorouslyonHesionethemomentherfatherisoutoftheroom]。Hesione，whatthedevildoyoumeanbymakingmischiefwithmyfatheraboutMangan？
　　MRSHUSHABYE[promptlylosinghertemper]。Don’tyoudarespeaktomelikethat，youlittleminx。Rememberthatyouareinmyhouse。
　　ELLIE。Stuff！Whydon’tyoumindyourownbusiness？WhatisittoyouwhetherIchoosetomarryManganornot？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Doyousupposeyoucanbullyme，youmiserablelittlematrimonialadventurer？
　　ELLIE。Everywomanwhohasn’tanymoneyisamatrimonialadventurer。It’seasyforyoutotalk：youhaveneverknownwhatitistowantmoney;andyoucanpickupmenasiftheyweredaisies。Iampoorandrespectable——
　　MRSHUSHABYE[interrupting]。Ho！respectable！HowdidyoupickupMangan？Howdidyoupickupmyhusband？YouhavetheaudacitytotellmethatIama——a——a——
　　ELLIE。Asiren。Soyouare。Youwereborntoleadmenbythenose：ifyouweren’t，Marcuswouldhavewaitedforme，perhaps。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[suddenlymeltingandhalflaughing]。Oh，mypoorEllie，mypettikins，myunhappydarling！IamsosorryaboutHector。ButwhatcanIdo？It’snotmyfault：I’dgivehimtoyouifIcould。
　　ELLIE。Idon’tblameyouforthat。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。WhatabruteIwastoquarrelwithyouandcallyounames！Dokissmeandsayyou’renotangrywithme。
　　ELLIE[fiercely]。Oh，don’tslopandgushandbesentimental。
　　Don’tyouseethatunlessIcanbehard——ashardasnails——I
　　shallgomad？Idon’tcareadamnaboutyourcallingmenames：doyouthinkawomaninmysituationcanfeelafewhardwords？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Poorlittlewoman！Poorlittlesituation！
　　ELLIE。Isupposeyouthinkyou’rebeingsympathetic。Youarejustfoolishandstupidandselfish。Youseemegettingasmasherrightinthefacethatkillsawholepartofmylife：thebestpartthatcannevercomeagain;andyouthinkyoucanhelpmeoveritbyalittlecoaxingandkissing。WhenIwantallthestrengthIcangettoleanon：somethingiron，somethingstony，I
　　don’tcarehowcruelitis，yougoallmushyandwanttoslobberoverme。I’mnotangry;I’mnotunfriendly;butforGod’ssakedopullyourselftogether;anddon’tthinkthatbecauseyou’reonvelvetandalwayshavebeen，womenwhoareinhellcantakeitaseasilyasyou。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[shrugginghershoulders]。Verywell。[Shesitsdownonthesofainheroldplace。ButIwarnyouthatwhenIamneithercoaxingandkissingnorlaughing，IamjustwonderinghowmuchlongerIcanstandlivinginthiscruel，damnableworld。Youobjecttothesiren：well，Idropthesiren。Youwanttorestyourwoundedbosomagainstagrindstone。Well[foldingherarms]
　　hereisthegrindstone。
　　ELLIE[sittingdownbesideher，appeased]。That’sbetter：youreallyhavethetrickoffallinginwitheveryone’smood;butyoudon’tunderstand，becauseyouarenotthesortofwomanforwhomthereisonlyonemanandonlyonechance。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Icertainlydon’tunderstandhowyourmarryingthatobject[indicatingMangan]willconsoleyoufornotbeingabletomarryHector。
　　ELLIE。Perhapsyoudon’tunderstandwhyIwasquiteanicegirlthismorning，andamnowneitheragirlnorparticularlynice。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，yes，Ido。It’sbecauseyouhavemadeupyourmindtodosomethingdespicableandwicked。
　　ELLIE。Idon’tthinkso，Hesione。Imustmakethebestofmyruinedhouse。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Pooh！You’llgetoverit。Yourhouseisn’truined。
　　ELLIE。OfcourseIshallgetoverit。Youdon’tsupposeI’mgoingtositdownanddieofabrokenheart，Ihope，orbeanoldmaidlivingonapittancefromtheSickandIndigentRoomkeepers’
　　Association。Butmyheartisbroken，allthesame。WhatImeanbythatisthatIknowthatwhathashappenedtomewithMarcuswillnothappentomeeveragain。IntheworldformethereisMarcusandalotofothermenofwhomoneisjustthesameasanother。
　　Well，ifIcan’thavelove，that’snoreasonwhyIshouldhavepoverty。IfManganhasnothingelse，hehasmoney。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。AndaretherenoYOUNGmenwithmoney？
　　ELLIE。Notwithinmyreach。Besides，ayoungmanwouldhavetherighttoexpectlovefromme，andwouldperhapsleavemewhenhefoundIcouldnotgiveittohim。Richyoungmencangetridoftheirwives，youknow，prettycheaply。Butthisobject，asyoucallhim，canexpectnothingmorefrommethanIampreparedtogivehim。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Hewillbeyourowner，remember。Ifhebuysyou，hewillmakethebargainpayhimandnotyou。Askyourfather。
　　ELLIE[risingandstrollingtothechairtocontemplatetheirsubject]。Youneednottroubleonthatscore，Hesione。IhavemoretogiveBossManganthanhehastogiveme：itisIwhoambuyinghim，andataprettygoodpricetoo，Ithink。Womenarebetteratthatsortofbargainthanmen。IhavetakentheBoss’smeasure;andtenBossMangansshallnotpreventmedoingfarmoreasIpleaseashiswifethanIhaveeverbeenabletodoasapoorgirl。[Stoopingtotherecumbentfigure]。Shallthey，Boss？
　　Ithinknot。[Shepassesontothedrawing—table，andleansagainsttheendofit，facingthewindows]。Ishallnothavetospendmostofmytimewonderinghowlongmygloveswilllast，anyhow。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[risingsuperbly]。Ellie，youareawicked，sordidlittlebeast。AndtothinkthatIactuallycondescendedtofascinatethatcreaturetheretosaveyoufromhim！Well，letmetellyouthis：ifyoumakethisdisgustingmatch，youwillneverseeHectoragainifIcanhelpit。
　　ELLIE[unmoved]。InailedManganbytellinghimthatifhedidnotmarrymeheshouldneverseeyouagain[sheliftsherselfonherwristsandseatsherselfontheendofthetable]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[recoiling]。Oh！
　　ELLIE。SoyouseeIamnotunpreparedforyourplayingthattrumpagainstme。Well，youjusttryit：that’sall。IshouldhavemadeamanofMarcus，notahouseholdpet。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[flaming]。Youdare！
　　ELLIE[lookingalmostdangerous]。Sethimthinkingaboutmeifyoudare。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Well，ofalltheimpudentlittlefiendsIevermet！
　　Hectorsaysthereisacertainpointatwhichtheonlyansweryoucangivetoamanwhobreaksalltherulesistoknockhimdown。
　　WhatwouldyousayifIweretoboxyourears？
　　ELLIE[calmly]。Ishouldpullyourhair。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[mischievously]。Thatwouldn’thurtme。Perhapsitcomesoffatnight。
　　ELLIE[sotakenabackthatshedropsoffthetableandrunstoher]。Oh，youdon’tmeantosay，Hesione，thatyourbeautifulblackhairisfalse？
　　MRSHUSHABYE[pattingit]。Don’ttellHector。Hebelievesinit。
　　ELLIE[groaning]。Oh！Eventhehairthatensnaredhimfalse！
　　Everythingfalse！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Pullitandtry。Otherwomencansnaremenintheirhair;butIcanswingababyonmine。Aha！youcan’tdothat，Goldylocks。
　　ELLIE[heartbroken]。No。Youhavestolenmybabies。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Pettikins，don’tmakemecry。Youknowwhatyousaidaboutmymakingahouseholdpetofhimisalittletrue。
　　Perhapsheoughttohavewaitedforyou。Wouldanyotherwomanonearthforgiveyou？
　　ELLIE。Oh，whatrighthadyoutotakehimallforyourself！
　　[Pullingherselftogether]。There！Youcouldn’thelpit：neitherofuscouldhelpit。Hecouldn’thelpit。No，don’tsayanythingmore：Ican’tbearit。Letuswaketheobject。[ShebeginsstrokingMangan’shead，reversingthemovementwithwhichsheputhimtosleep]。Wakeup，doyouhear？Youaretowakeupatonce。
　　Wakeup，wakeup，wake——
　　MANGAN[bouncingoutofthechairinafuryandturningonthem]。
　　Wakeup！SoyouthinkI’vebeenasleep，doyou？[Hekicksthechairviolentlybackoutofhisway，andgetsbetweenthem]。YouthrowmeintoatrancesothatIcan’tmovehandorfoot——Imighthavebeenburiedalive！it’samercyIwasn’t——andthenyouthinkIwasonlyasleep。Ifyou’dletmedropthetwotimesyourolledmeabout，mynosewouldhavebeenflattenedforlifeagainstthefloor。ButI’vefoundyouallout，anyhow。IknowthesortofpeopleI’mamongnow。I’veheardeverywordyou’vesaid，youandyourpreciousfather，and[toMrsHushabye]youtoo。SoI’manobject，amI？I’mathing，amI？I’mafoolthathasn’tsenseenoughtofeedmyselfproperly，amI？I’mafraidofthementhatwouldstarveifitweren’tforthewagesIgivethem，amI？I’mnothingbutadisgustingoldskinflinttobemadeaconvenienceofbydesigningwomenandfoolmanagersofmyworks，amI？I’m——
　　MRSHUSHABYE[withthemostelegantaplomb]。Sh—sh—sh—sh—sh！MrMangan，youareboundinhonortoobliteratefromyourmindallyouheardwhileyouwerepretendingtobeasleep。Itwasnotmeantforyoutohear。
　　MANGAN。Pretendingtobeasleep！DoyouthinkifIwasonlypretendingthatI’dhavesprawledtherehelpless，andlistenedtosuchunfairness，suchlies，suchinjusticeandplottingandbackbitingandslanderingofme，ifIcouldhaveupandtoldyouwhatIthoughtofyou！IwonderIdidn’tburst。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[sweetly]。Youdreamtitall，MrMangan。Wewereonlysayinghowbeautifullypeacefulyoulookedinyoursleep。
　　Thatwasall，wasn’tit，Ellie？Believeme，MrMangan，allthoseunpleasantthingscameintoyourmindinthelasthalfsecondbeforeyouwoke。Ellierubbedyourhairthewrongway;andthedisagreeablesensationsuggestedadisagreeabledream。
　　MANGAN[doggedly]。Ibelieveindreams。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。SodoI。Buttheygobycontraries，don’tthey？
　　MANGAN[depthsofemotionsuddenlywellingupinhim]。Ishan’tforget，tomydyingday，thatwhenyougavemethegladeyethattimeinthegarden，youweremakingafoolofme。Thatwasadirtylowmeanthingtodo。YouhadnorighttoletmecomenearyouifIdisgustedyou。Itisn’tmyfaultifI’moldandhaven’tamoustachelikeabronzecandlestickasyourhusbandhas。Therearethingsnodecentwomanwoulddotoaman——likeamanhittingawomaninthebreast。
　　Hesione，utterlyshamed，sitsdownonthesofaandcoversherfacewithherhands。Mangansitsdownalsoonhischairandbeginstocrylikeachild。Elliestaresatthem。MrsHushabye，atthedistressingsoundhemakes，takesdownherhandsandlooksathim。Sherisesandrunstohim。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Don’tcry：Ican’tbearit。HaveIbrokenyourheart？Ididn’tknowyouhadone。HowcouldI？
　　MANGAN。I’maman，ain’tI？
　　MRSHUSHABYE[halfcoaxing，halfrallying，altogethertenderly]。
　　Ohno：notwhatIcallaman。OnlyaBoss：justthatandnothingelse。WhatbusinesshasaBosswithaheart？
　　MANGAN。Thenyou’renotabitsorryforwhatyoudid，norashamed？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Iwasashamedforthefirsttimeinmylifewhenyousaidthatabouthittingawomaninthebreast，andIfoundoutwhatI’ddone。Myverybonesblushedred。You’vehadyourrevenge，Boss。Aren’tyousatisfied？
　　MANGAN。Serveyouright！Doyouhear？Serveyouright！You’rejustcruel。Cruel。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Yes：crueltywouldbedeliciousifonecouldonlyfindsomesortofcrueltythatdidn’treallyhurt。Bytheway[sittingdownbesidehimonthearmofthechair]，what’syourname？It’snotreallyBoss，isit？
　　MANGAN[shortly]。Ifyouwanttoknow，myname’sAlfred。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[springsup]。Alfred！！Ellie，hewaschristenedafterTennyson！！！
　　MANGAN[rising]。Iwaschristenedaftermyuncle，andneverhadapennyfromhim，damnhim！Whatofit？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Itcomestomesuddenlythatyouarearealperson：
　　thatyouhadamother，likeanyoneelse。[Puttingherhandsonhisshouldersandsurveyinghim]。LittleAlf！
　　MANGAN。Well，youhaveanerve。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Andyouhaveaheart，Alfy，awhimperinglittleheart，butarealone。[Releasinghimsuddenly]。NowrunandmakeitupwithEllie。Shehashadtimetothinkwhattosaytoyou，whichismorethanIhad[shegoesoutquicklyintothegardenbytheportdoor]。
　　MANGAN。Thatwomanhasapairofhandsthatgorightthroughyou。
　　ELLIE。Stillinlovewithher，inspiteofallwesaidaboutyou？
　　MANGAN。Areallwomenlikeyoutwo？Dotheyneverthinkofanythingaboutamanexceptwhattheycangetoutofhim？Youweren’teventhinkingthataboutme。Youwereonlythinkingwhetheryourgloveswouldlast。
　　ELLIE。Ishallnothavetothinkaboutthatwhenwearemarried。
　　MANGAN。AndyouthinkIamgoingtomarryyouafterwhatIheardthere！
　　ELLIE。YouheardnothingfrommethatIdidnottellyoubefore。
　　MANGAN。PerhapsyouthinkIcan’tdowithoutyou。
　　ELLIE。Ithinkyouwouldfeellonelywithoutusall，now，aftercomingtoknowussowell。
　　MANGAN[withsomethinglikeayellofdespair]。AmInevertohavethelastword？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[appearingatthestarboardgardendoor]。Thereisasoulintormenthere。Whatisthematter？
　　MANGAN。Thisgirldoesn’twanttospendherlifewonderinghowlonghergloveswilllast。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[passingthrough]。Don’twearany。Ineverdo[hegoesintothepantry]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[appearingattheportgardendoor，inahandsomedinnerdress]。Isanythingthematter？
　　ELLIE。Thisgentlemanwantstoknowishenevertohavethelastword？
　　LADYUTTERWORD[comingforwardtothesofa]。Ishouldlethimhaveit，mydear。Theimportantthingisnottohavethelastword，buttohaveyourownway。
　　MANGAN。Shewantsboth。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Shewon’tgetthem，MrMangan。Providencealwayshasthelastword。
　　MANGAN[desperately]。Nowyouaregoingtocomereligionoverme。
　　Inthishouseaman’smindmightaswellbeafootball。I’mgoing。[Hemakesforthehall，butisstoppedbyahailfromtheCaptain，whohasjustemergedfromhispantry]。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whitheraway，BossMangan？
　　MANGAN。Tohelloutofthishouse：letthatbeenoughforyouandallhere。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youwerewelcometocome：youarefreetogo。
　　Thewideearth，thehighseas，thespaciousskiesarewaitingforyououtside。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Butyourthings，MrMangan。Yourbag，yourcombandbrushes，yourpyjamas——
　　HECTOR[whohasjustappearedintheportdoorwayinahandsomeArabcostume]。Whyshouldtheescapingslavetakehischainswithhim？
　　MANGAN。That’sright，Hushabye。Keepthepyjamas，mylady，andmuchgoodmaytheydoyou。
　　HECTOR[advancingtoLadyUtterword’slefthand]。Letusallgooutintothenightandleaveeverythingbehindus。
　　MANGAN。Youstaywhereyouare，thelotofyou。Iwantnocompany，especiallyfemalecompany。
　　ELLIE。Lethimgo。Heisunhappyhere。Heisangrywithus。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Go，BossMangan;andwhenyouhavefoundthelandwherethereishappinessandwheretherearenowomen，sendmeitslatitudeandlongitude;andIwilljoinyouthere。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youwillcertainlynotbecomfortablewithoutyourluggage，MrMangan。
　　ELLIE[impatient]。Go，go：whydon’tyougo？Itisaheavenlynight：youcansleepontheheath。Takemywaterprooftolieon：
　　itishangingupinthehall。
　　HECTOR。Breakfastatnine，unlessyouprefertobreakfastwiththecaptainatsix。
　　ELLIE。Goodnight，Alfred。
　　HECTOR。Alfred！[Herunsbacktothedoorandcallsintothegarden]。Randall，Mangan’sChristiannameisAlfred。
　　RANDALL[appearinginthestarboarddoorwayineveningdress]。
　　ThenHesionewinsherbet。
　　MrsHushabyeappearsintheportdoorway。ShethrowsherleftarmroundHector’sneck：drawshimwithhertothebackofthesofa：
　　andthrowsherrightarmroundLadyUtterword’sneck。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Theywouldn’tbelieveme，Alf。
　　Theycontemplatehim。
　　MANGAN。Isthereanymoreofyoucomingintolookatme，asifI
　　wasthelatestthinginamenagerie？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youarethelatestthinginthismenagerie。
　　BeforeMangancanretort，afalloffurnitureisheardfromupstairs：thenapistolshot，andayellofpain。Thestaringgroupbreaksupinconsternation。
　　MAZZINI’SVOICE[fromabove]。Help！Aburglar！Help！
　　HECTOR[hiseyesblazing]。Aburglar！！！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。No，Hector：you’llbeshot[butitistoolate;hehasdashedoutpastMangan，whohastilymovestowardsthebookshelvesoutofhisway]。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[blowinghiswhistle]。Allhandsaloft！[HestridesoutafterHector]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Mydiamonds！[Shefollowsthecaptain]。
　　RANDALL[rushingafterher]。No。Ariadne。Letme。
　　ELLIE。Oh，ispapashot？[Sherunsout]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Areyoufrightened，Alf？
　　MANGAN。No。Itain’tmyhouse，thankGod。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Iftheycatchaburglar，shallwehavetogointocourtaswitnesses，andbeaskedallsortsofquestionsaboutourprivatelives？
　　MANGAN。Youwon’tbebelievedifyoutellthetruth。
　　Mazzini，terriblyupset，withaduellingpistolinhishand，comesfromthehall，andmakeshiswaytothedrawing—table。
　　MAZZINI。Oh，mydearMrsHushabye，Imighthavekilledhim。[Hethrowsthepistolonthetableandstaggersroundtothechair]。
　　Ihopeyouwon’tbelieveIreallyintendedto。
　　Hectorcomesin，marchinganoldandvillainouslookingmanbeforehimbythecollar。Heplantshiminthemiddleoftheroomandreleaseshim。
　　Elliefollows，andimmediatelyrunsacrosstothebackofherfather’schairandpatshisshoulders。
　　RANDALL[enteringwithapoker]。Keepyoureyeonthisdoor，Mangan。I’lllookaftertheother[hegoestothestarboarddoorandstandsonguardthere]。
　　LadyUtterwordcomesinafterRandall，andgoesbetweenMrsHushabyeandMangan。
　　NurseGuinnessbringsuptherear，andwaitsnearthedoor，onMangan’sleft。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whathashappened？
　　MAZZINI。Yourhousekeepertoldmetherewassomebodyupstairs，andgavemeapistolthatMrHushabyehadbeenpractisingwith。I
　　thoughtitwouldfrightenhim;butitwentoffatatouch。
　　THEBURGLAR。Yes，andtooktheskinoffmyear。Preciousneartookthetopoffmyhead。Whydon’tyouhaveaproperrevolverinsteadofathinglikethat，thatgoesoffifyouasmuchasblowonit？
　　HECTOR。Oneofmyduellingpistols。Sorry。
　　MAZZINI。Heputhishandsupandsaiditwasafaircop。
　　THEBURGLAR。Soitwas。Sendforthepolice。
　　HECTOR。No，bythunder！Itwasnotafaircop。Wewerefourtoone。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whatwilltheydotohim？
　　THEBURGLAR。Tenyears。Beginningwithsolitary。Tenyearsoffmylife。Ishan’tserveitall：I’mtooold。Itwillseemeout。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youshouldhavethoughtofthatbeforeyoustolemydiamonds。
　　THEBURGLAR。Well，you’vegotthemback，lady，haven’tyou？Canyougivemebacktheyearsofmylifeyouaregoingtotakefromme？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，wecan’tburyamanalivefortenyearsforafewdiamonds。
　　THEBURGLAR。Tenlittleshiningdiamonds！Tenlongblackyears！
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Thinkofwhatitisforustobedraggedthroughthehorrorsofacriminalcourt，andhaveallourfamilyaffairsinthepapers！Ifyouwereanative，andHastingscouldorderyouagoodbeatingandsendyouaway，Ishouldn’tmind;buthereinEnglandthereisnorealprotectionforanyrespectableperson。
　　THEBURGLAR。I’mtoooldtobegivahiding，lady。Sendforthepoliceandhavedonewithit。It’sonlyjustandrightyoushould。
　　RANDALL[whohasrelaxedhisvigilanceonseeingtheburglarsopacificallydisposed，andcomesforwardswingingthepokerbetweenhisfingerslikeawellfoldedumbrella]。Itisneitherjustnorrightthatweshouldbeputtoalotofinconveniencetogratifyyourmoralenthusiasm，myfriend。Youhadbettergetout，whileyouhavethechance。
　　THEBURGLAR[inexorably]。No。Imustworkmysinoffmyconscience。Thishascomeasasortofcalltome。Letmespendtherestofmyliferepentinginacell。Ishallhavemyrewardabove。
　　MANGAN[exasperated]。Theveryburglarscan’tbehavenaturallyinthishouse。
　　HECTOR。Mygoodsir，youmustworkoutyoursalvationatsomebodyelse’sexpense。Nobodyhereisgoingtochargeyou。
　　THEBURGLAR。Oh，youwon’tchargeme，won’tyou？
　　HECTOR。No。I’msorrytobeinhospitable;butwillyoukindlyleavethehouse？
　　THEBURGLAR。Right。I’llgotothepolicestationandgivemyselfup。[Heturnsresolutelytothedoor：butHectorstopshim]。
　　HECTOR。{Oh，no。Youmustn’tdothat。
　　RANDALL。[speaking{Nono。Clearoutman，can’tyou;andtogether]don’tbeafool。
　　MRS。HUSHABYE{Don’tbesosilly。Can’tyourepentathome？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youwillhavetodoasyouaretold。
　　THEBURGLAR。It’scompoundingafelony，youknow。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thisisutterlyridiculous。Arewetobeforcedtoprosecutethismanwhenwedon’twantto？
　　THEBURGLAR。AmItoberobbedofmysalvationtosaveyouthetroubleofspendingadayatthesessions？Isthatjustice？Isitright？Isitfairtome？
　　MAZZINI[risingandleaningacrossthetablepersuasivelyasifitwereapulpitdeskorashopcounter]。Come，come！letmeshowyouhowyoucanturnyourverycrimestoaccount。Whynotsetupasalocksmith？Youmustknowmoreaboutlocksthanmosthonestmen？
　　THEBURGLAR。That’strue，sir。ButIcouldn’tsetupasalocksmithundertwentypounds。
　　RANDALL。Well，youcaneasilystealtwentypounds。Youwillfinditinthenearestbank。
　　THEBURGLAR[horrified]。Oh，whatathingforagentlemantoputintotheheadofapoorcriminalscramblingoutofthebottomlesspitasitwere！Oh，shameonyou，sir！Oh，Godforgiveyou！[Hethrowshimselfintothebigchairandcovershisfaceasifinprayer]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Really，Randall！
　　HECTOR。Itseemstomethatweshallhavetotakeupacollectionforthisinopportunelycontritesinner。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Buttwentypoundsisridiculous。
　　THEBURGLAR[lookingupquickly]。Ishallhavetobuyalotoftools，lady。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Nonsense：youhaveyourburglingkit。
　　THEBURGLAR。What’sajimmyandacentrebitandanacetyleneweldingplantandabunchofskeletonkeys？Ishallwantaforge，andasmithy，andashop，andfittings。Ican’thardlydoitfortwenty。
　　HECTOR。Myworthyfriend，wehaven’tgottwentypounds。
　　THEBURGLAR[nowmasterofthesituation]。Youcanraiseitamongyou，can’tyou？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Givehimasovereign，Hector，andgetridofhim。
　　HECTOR[givinghimapound]。There！Offwithyou。
　　THEBURGLAR[risingandtakingthemoneyveryungratefully]。I
　　won’tpromisenothing。Youhavemoreonyouthanaquid：allthelotofyou，Imean。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[vigorously]。Oh，letusprosecutehimandhavedonewithit。Ihaveaconsciencetoo，Ihope;andIdonotfeelatallsurethatwehaveanyrighttolethimgo，especiallyifheisgoingtobegreedyandimpertinent。
　　THEBURGLAR[quickly]。Allright，lady，allright。I’venowishtobeanythingbutagreeable。Goodevening，ladiesandgentlemen;
　　andthankyoukindly。
　　HeishurryingoutwhenheisconfrontedinthedoorwaybyCaptainShotover。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[fixingtheburglarwithapiercingregard]。
　　What’sthis？Aretheretwoofyou？
　　THEBURGLAR[fallingonhiskneesbeforethecaptaininabjectterror]。Oh，mygoodLord，whathaveIdone？Don’ttellmeit’syourhouseI’vebrokeninto，CaptainShotover。
　　Thecaptainseizeshimbythecollar：dragshimtohisfeet：andleadshimtothemiddleofthegroup，Hectorfallingbackbesidehiswifetomakewayforthem。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[turninghimtowardsEllie]。Isthatyourdaughter？[Hereleaseshim]。
　　THEBURGLAR。Well，howdoIknow，Captain？Youknowthesortoflifeyouandmehasled。Anyyoungladyofthatagemightbemydaughteranywhereinthewideworld，asyoumightsay。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[toMazzini]。YouarenotBillyDunn。ThisisBillyDunn。Whyhaveyouimposedonme？
　　THEBURGLAR[indignantlytoMazzini]。Haveyoubeengivingyourselfouttobeme？You，thatnighblewmyheadoff！Shootingyourself，inamannerofspeaking！
　　MAZZINI。MydearCaptainShotover，eversinceIcameintothishouseIhavedonehardlyanythingelsebutassureyouthatIamnotMrWilliamDunn，butMazziniDunn，averydifferentperson。
　　THEBURGLAR。Hedon’tbelongtomybranch，Captain。There’stwosetsinthefamily：thethinkingDunnsandthedrinkingDunns，eachgoingtheirownways。I’madrinkingDunn：he’sathinkingDunn。Butthatdidn’tgivehimanyrighttoshootme。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Soyou’veturnedburglar，haveyou？
　　THEBURGLAR。No，Captain：Iwouldn’tdisgraceouroldseacallingbysuchathing。Iamnoburglar。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Whatwereyoudoingwithmydiamonds？
　　GUINNESS。Whatdidyoubreakintothehouseforifyou’renoburglar？
　　RANDALL。Mistookthehouseforyourownandcameinbythewrongwindow，eh？
　　THEBURGLAR。Well，it’snousemytellingyoualie：Icantakeinmostcaptains，butnotCaptainShotover，becausehesoldhimselftothedevilinZanzibar，andcandivinewater，spotgold，explodeacartridgeinyourpocketwithaglanceofhiseye，andseethetruthhiddenintheheartofman。ButI’mnoburglar。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Areyouanhonestman？
　　THEBURGLAR。Idon’tsetuptobebetterthanmyfellow—creatures，andneverdid，asyouwellknow，Captain。ButwhatIdoisinnocentandpious。Ienquireaboutforhouseswheretherightsortofpeoplelive。IworkitonthemsameasIworkedithere。Ibreakintothehouse;putafewspoonsordiamondsinmypocket;makeanoise;getcaught;andtakeupacollection。
　　Andyouwouldn’tbelievehowharditistogetcaughtwhenyou’reactuallytryingto。Ihaveknockedoverallthechairsinaroomwithoutasoulpayinganyattentiontome。IntheendIhavehadtowalkoutandleavethejob。
　　RANDALL。Whenthathappens，doyouputbackthespoonsanddiamonds？
　　THEBURGLAR。Well，Idon’tflyinthefaceofProvidence，ifthat’swhatyouwanttoknow。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Guinness，yourememberthisman？
　　GUINNESS。IshouldthinkIdo，seeingIwasmarriedtohim，theblackguard！
　　HESIONE}[exclaiming{Marriedtohim！
　　LADYUTTERWORD}together]{Guinness！！
　　THEBURGLAR。Itwasn’tlegal。I’vebeenmarriedtonoendofwomen。Nousecomingthatoverme。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Takehimtotheforecastle[heflingshimtothedoorwithastrengthbeyondhisyears]。
　　GUINNESS。Isupposeyoumeanthekitchen。Theywon’thavehimthere。Doyouexpectservantstokeepcompanywiththievesandallsorts？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Land—thievesandwater—thievesarethesamefleshandblood。I’llhavenoboatswainonmyquarter—deck。Offwithyouboth。
　　THEBURGLAR。Yes，Captain。[Hegoesouthumbly]。
　　MAZZINI。Willitbesafetohavehiminthehouselikethat？
　　GUINNESS。Whydidn’tyoushoothim，sir？IfI’dknownwhohewas，I’dhaveshothimmyself。[Shegoesout]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Dositdown，everybody。[Shesitsdownonthesofa]。
　　TheyallmoveexceptEllie。Mazziniresumeshisseat。Randallsitsdowninthewindow—seatnearthestarboarddoor，againmakingapendulumofhispoker，andstudyingitasGalileomighthavedone。Hectorsitsonhisleft，inthemiddle。Mangan，forgotten，sitsintheportcorner。LadyUtterwordtakesthebigchair。CaptainShotovergoesintothepantryindeepabstraction。
　　Theyalllookafterhim：andLadyUtterwordcoughsconsciously。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。SoBillyDunnwaspoornurse’slittleromance。I
　　knewtherehadbeensomebody。
　　RANDALL。Theywillfighttheirbattlesoveragainandenjoythemselvesimmensely。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[irritably]。Youarenotmarried;andyouknownothingaboutit，Randall。Holdyourtongue。
　　RANDALL。Tyrant！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Well，wehavehadaveryexcitingevening。
　　Everythingwillbeananticlimaxafterit。We’dbetterallgotobed。
　　RANDALL。Anotherburglarmayturnup。
　　MAZZINI。Oh，impossible！Ihopenot。
　　RANDALL。Whynot？ThereismorethanoneburglarinEngland。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Whatdoyousay，Alf？
　　MANGAN[huffily]。Oh，Idon’tmatter。I’mforgotten。Theburglarhasputmynoseoutofjoint。Shovemeintoacornerandhavedonewithme。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[jumpingupmischievously，andgoingtohim]。Wouldyoulikeawalkontheheath，Alfred？Withme？
　　ELLIE。Go，MrMangan。Itwilldoyougood。Hesionewillsootheyou。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[slippingherarmunderhisandpullinghimupright]。Come，Alfred。Thereisamoon：it’slikethenightinTristanandIsolde。[Shecaresseshisarmanddrawshimtotheportgardendoor]。
　　MANGAN[writhingbutyielding]。Howyoucanhavetheface—theheart—[hebreaksdownandisheardsobbingasshetakeshimout]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Whatanextraordinarywaytobehave！Whatisthematterwiththeman？
　　ELLIE[inastrangelycalmvoice，staringintoanimaginarydistance]。Hisheartisbreaking：thatisall。[Thecaptainappearsatthepantrydoor，listening]。Itisacurioussensation：thesortofpainthatgoesmercifullybeyondourpowersoffeeling。Whenyourheartisbroken，yourboatsareburned：nothingmattersanymore。Itistheendofhappinessandthebeginningofpeace。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[suddenlyrisinginarage，totheastonishmentoftherest]。Howdareyou？
　　HECTOR。Goodheavens！What’sthematter？
　　RANDALL[inawarningwhisper]。Tch——tch—tch！Steady。
　　ELLIE[surprisedandhaughty]。Iwasnotaddressingyouparticularly，LadyUtterword。AndIamnotaccustomedtobeingaskedhowdareI。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Ofcoursenot。Anyonecanseehowbadlyyouhavebeenbroughtup。
　　MAZZINI。Oh，Ihopenot，LadyUtterword。Really！
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Iknowverywellwhatyoumeant。Theimpudence！
　　ELLIE。Whatonearthdoyoumean？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[advancingtothetable]。Shemeansthatherheartwillnotbreak。Shehasbeenlongingallherlifeforsomeonetobreakit。Atlastshehasbecomeafraidshehasnonetobreak。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[flingingherselfonherkneesandthrowingherarmsroundhim]。Papa，don’tsayyouthinkI’venoheart。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[raisingherwithgrimtenderness]。Ifyouhadnohearthowcouldyouwanttohaveitbroken，child？
　　HECTOR[risingwithabound]。LadyUtterword，youarenottobetrusted。Youhavemadeascene[herunsoutintothegardenthroughthestarboarddoor]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Oh！Hector，Hector！[sherunsoutafterhim]。
　　RANDALL。Onlynerves，Iassureyou。[Herisesandfollowsher，wavingthepokerinhisagitation]。Ariadne！Ariadne！ForGod’ssake，becareful。Youwill——[heisgone]。
　　MAZZINI[rising]。Howdistressing！CanIdoanything，Iwonder？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[promptlytakinghischairandsettingtoworkatthedrawing—board]。No。Gotobed。Good—night。
　　MAZZINI[bewildered]。Oh！Perhapsyouareright。
　　ELLIE。Good—night，dearest。[Shekisseshim]。
　　MAZZINI。Good—night，love。[Hemakesforthedoor，butturnsasidetothebookshelves]。I’lljusttakeabook[hetakesone]。
　　Good—night。[Hegoesout，leavingElliealonewiththecaptain]。
　　Thecaptainisintentonhisdrawing。Ellie，standingsentryoverhischair，contemplateshimforamoment。
　　ELLIE。Doesnothingeverdisturbyou，CaptainShotover？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。I’vestoodonthebridgeforeighteenhoursinatyphoon。Lifehereisstormier;butIcanstandit。
　　ELLIE。DoyouthinkIoughttomarryMrMangan？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[neverlookingup]。Onerockisasgoodasanothertobewreckedon。
　　ELLIE。Iamnotinlovewithhim。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whosaidyouwere？
　　ELLIE。Youarenotsurprised？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Surprised！Atmyage！
　　ELLIE。Itseemstomequitefair。Hewantsmeforonething：I
　　wanthimforanother。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Money？
　　ELLIE。Yes。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Well，oneturnsthecheek：theotherkissesit。
　　Oneprovidesthecash：theotherspendsit。
　　ELLIE。Whowillhavethebestofthebargain，Iwonder？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。You。Thesefellowsliveinanofficeallday。
　　Youwillhavetoputupwithhimfromdinnertobreakfast;butyouwillbothbeasleepmostofthattime。Alldayyouwillbequitofhim;andyouwillbeshoppingwithhismoney。Ifthatistoomuchforyou，marryaseafaringman：youwillbebotheredwithhimonlythreeweeksintheyear，perhaps。
　　ELLIE。Thatwouldbebestofall，Isuppose。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。It’sadangerousthingtobemarriedrightuptothehilt，likemydaughter’shusband。Themanisathomeallday，likeadamnedsoulinhell。
　　ELLIE。Ineverthoughtofthatbefore。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ifyou’remarryingforbusiness，youcan’tbetoobusinesslike。
　　ELLIE。Whydowomenalwayswantotherwomen’shusbands？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whydohorse—thievespreferahorsethatisbroken—intoonethatiswild？
　　ELLIE[withashortlaugh]。Isupposeso。Whatavileworlditis！
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itdoesn’tconcernme。I’mnearlyoutofit。
　　ELLIE。AndI’monlyjustbeginning。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Yes;solookahead。
　　ELLIE。Well，IthinkIambeingveryprudent。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ididn’tsayprudent。Isaidlookahead。
　　ELLIE。What’sthedifference？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。It’sprudenttogainthewholeworldandloseyourownsoul。Butdon’tforgetthatyoursoulstickstoyouifyousticktoit;buttheworldhasawayofslippingthroughyourfingers。
　　ELLIE[wearily，leavinghimandbeginningtowanderrestlesslyabouttheroom]。I’msorry，CaptainShotover;butit’snousetalkinglikethattome。Old—fashionedpeoplearenousetome。
　　Old—fashionedpeoplethinkyoucanhaveasoulwithoutmoney。
　　Theythinkthelessmoneyyouhave，themoresoulyouhave。Youngpeoplenowadaysknowbetter。Asoulisaveryexpensivethingtokeep：muchmoresothanamotorcar。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Isit？Howmuchdoesyoursouleat？
　　ELLIE。Oh，alot。Iteatsmusicandpicturesandbooksandmountainsandlakesandbeautifulthingstowearandnicepeopletobewith。Inthiscountryyoucan’thavethemwithoutlotsofmoney：thatiswhyoursoulsaresohorriblystarved。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Mangan’ssoullivesonpig’sfood。
　　ELLIE。Yes：moneyisthrownawayonhim。Isupposehissoulwasstarvedwhenhewasyoung。Butitwillnotbethrownawayonme。
　　ItisjustbecauseIwanttosavemysoulthatIammarryingformoney。Allthewomenwhoarenotfoolsdo。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thereareotherwaysofgettingmoney。Whydon’tyoustealit？
　　ELLIE。BecauseIdon’twanttogotoprison。