CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Isthattheonlyreason？Areyouquitesurehonestyhasnothingtodowithit？
　　ELLIE。Oh，youareveryveryold—fashioned，Captain。Doesanymoderngirlbelievethatthelegalandillegalwaysofgettingmoneyarethehonestanddishonestways？Manganrobbedmyfatherandmyfather’sfriends。IshouldroballthemoneybackfromManganifthepolicewouldletme。Astheywon’t，Imustgetitbackbymarryinghim。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ican’targue：I’mtooold：mymindismadeupandfinished。AllIcantellyouisthat，old—fashionedornew—fashioned，ifyousellyourself，youdealyoursoulablowthatallthebooksandpicturesandconcertsandsceneryintheworldwon’theal[hegetsupsuddenlyandmakesforthepantry]。
　　ELLIE[runningafterhimandseizinghimbythesleeve]。ThenwhydidyousellyourselftothedevilinZanzibar？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[stopping，startled]。What？
　　ELLIE。Youshallnotrunawaybeforeyouanswer。Ihavefoundoutthattrickofyours。Ifyousoldyourself，whyshouldn’tI？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ihadtodealwithmensodegradedthattheywouldn’tobeymeunlessIsworeatthemandkickedthemandbeatthemwithmyfists。Foolishpeopletookyoungthievesoffthestreets;flungthemintoatrainingshipwheretheyweretaughttofearthecaneinsteadoffearingGod;andthoughtthey’dmademenandsailorsofthembyprivatesubscription。ItrickedthesethievesintobelievingI’dsoldmyselftothedevil。Itsavedmysoulfromthekickingandswearingthatwasdamningmebyinches。
　　ELLIE[releasinghim]。IshallpretendtosellmyselftoBossMangantosavemysoulfromthepovertythatisdamningmebyinches。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Richeswilldamnyoutentimesdeeper。Richeswon’tsaveevenyourbody。
　　ELLIE。Old—fashionedagain。Weknownowthatthesoulisthebody，andthebodythesoul。Theytellustheyaredifferentbecausetheywanttopersuadeusthatwecankeepoursoulsifweletthemmakeslavesofourbodies。Iamafraidyouarenousetome，Captain。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whatdidyouexpect？ASavior，eh？Areyouold—fashionedenoughtobelieveinthat？
　　ELLIE。No。ButIthoughtyouwereverywise，andmighthelpme。
　　NowIhavefoundyouout。Youpretendtobebusy，andthinkoffinethingstosay，andruninandouttosurprisepeoplebysayingthem，andgetawaybeforetheycanansweryou。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itconfusesmetobeanswered。Itdiscouragesme。Icannotbearmenandwomen。Ihavetorunaway。Imustrunawaynow[hetriesto]。
　　ELLIE[againseizinghisarm]。Youshallnotrunawayfromme。I
　　canhypnotizeyou。YouaretheonlypersoninthehouseIcansaywhatIliketo。Iknowyouarefondofme。Sitdown。[Shedrawshimtothesofa]。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[yielding]。Takecare：Iaminmydotage。Oldmenaredangerous：itdoesn’tmattertothemwhatisgoingtohappentotheworld。
　　Theysitsidebysideonthesofa。Sheleansaffectionatelyagainsthimwithherheadonhisshoulderandhereyeshalfclosed。
　　ELLIE[dreamily]。Ishouldhavethoughtnothingelsematteredtooldmen。Theycan’tbeveryinterestedinwhatisgoingtohappentothemselves。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Aman’sinterestintheworldisonlytheoverflowfromhisinterestinhimself。Whenyouareachildyourvesselisnotyetfull;soyoucarefornothingbutyourownaffairs。Whenyougrowup，yourvesseloverflows;andyouareapolitician，aphilosopher，oranexplorerandadventurer。Inoldagethevesseldriesup：thereisnooverflow：youareachildagain。Icangiveyouthememoriesofmyancientwisdom：merescrapsandleavings;butInolongerreallycareforanythingbutmyownlittlewantsandhobbies。Isithereworkingoutmyoldideasasameansofdestroyingmyfellow—creatures。Iseemydaughtersandtheirmenlivingfoolishlivesofromanceandsentimentandsnobbery。Iseeyou，theyoungergeneration，turningfromtheirromanceandsentimentandsnobberytomoneyandcomfortandhardcommonsense。Iwastentimeshappieronthebridgeinthetyphoon，orfrozenintoArcticiceformonthsindarkness，thanyouortheyhaveeverbeen。Youarelookingforarichhusband。AtyourageIlookedforhardship，danger，horror，anddeath，thatImightfeelthelifeinmemoreintensely。Ididnotletthefearofdeathgovernmylife;andmyrewardwas，I
　　hadmylife。Youaregoingtoletthefearofpovertygovernyourlife;andyourrewardwillbethatyouwilleat，butyouwillnotlive。
　　ELLIE[sittingupimpatiently]。ButwhatcanIdo？Iamnotaseacaptain：Ican’tstandonbridgesintyphoons，orgoslaughteringsealsandwhalesinGreenland’sicymountains。Theywon’tletwomenbecaptains。Doyouwantmetobeastewardess？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thereareworselives。Thestewardessescouldcomeashoreiftheyliked;buttheysailandsailandsail。
　　ELLIE。Whatcouldtheydoashorebutmarryformoney？Idon’twanttobeastewardess：Iamtoobadasailor。Thinkofsomethingelseforme。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ican’tthinksolongandcontinuously。Iamtooold。Imustgoinandout。[Hetriestorise]。
　　ELLIE[pullinghimback]。Youshallnot。Youarehappyhere，aren’tyou？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itellyouit’sdangeroustokeepme。Ican’tkeepawakeandalert。
　　ELLIE。Whatdoyourunawayfor？Tosleep？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No。Togetaglassofrum。
　　ELLIE[frightfullydisillusioned]。Isthatit？Howdisgusting！Doyoulikebeingdrunk？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No：Idreadbeingdrunkmorethananythingintheworld。Tobedrunkmeanstohavedreams;togosoft;tobeeasilypleasedanddeceived;tofallintotheclutchesofwomen。
　　Drinkdoesthatforyouwhenyouareyoung。Butwhenyouareold：
　　veryveryold，likeme，thedreamscomebythemselves。Youdon’tknowhowterriblethatis：youareyoung：yousleepatnightonly，andsleepsoundly。Butlateronyouwillsleepintheafternoon。Laterstillyouwillsleepeveninthemorning;andyouwillawaketired，tiredoflife。Youwillneverbefreefromdozinganddreams;thedreamswillstealuponyourworkeverytenminutesunlessyoucanawakenyourselfwithrum。Idrinknowtokeepsober;butthedreamsareconquering：rumisnotwhatitwas：Ihavehadtenglassessinceyoucame;anditmightbesomuchwater。Gogetmeanother：Guinnessknowswhereitis。Youhadbetterseeforyourselfthehorrorofanoldmandrinking。
　　ELLIE。Youshallnotdrink。Dream。Ilikeyoutodream。Youmustneverbeintherealworldwhenwetalktogether。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Iamtoowearytoresist，ortooweak。Iaminmysecondchildhood。Idonotseeyouasyoureallyare。Ican’trememberwhatIreallyam。IfeelnothingbuttheaccursedhappinessIhavedreadedallmylifelong：thehappinessthatcomesaslifegoes，thehappinessofyieldinganddreaminginsteadofresistinganddoing，thesweetnessofthefruitthatisgoingrotten。
　　ELLIE。YoudreaditalmostasmuchasIusedtodreadlosingmydreamsandhavingtofightanddothings。Butthatisalloverforme：mydreamsaredashedtopieces。Ishouldliketomarryaveryold，veryrichman。Ishouldliketomarryyou。IhadmuchrathermarryyouthanmarryMangan。Areyouveryrich？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No。Livingfromhandtomouth。AndIhaveawifesomewhereinJamaica：ablackone。Myfirstwife。Unlessshe’sdead。
　　ELLIE。Whatapity！Ifeelsohappywithyou。[Shetakeshishand，almostunconsciously，andpatsit]。IthoughtIshouldneverfeelhappyagain。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Why？
　　ELLIE。Don’tyouknow？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。No。
　　ELLIE。Heartbreak。IfellinlovewithHector，anddidn’tknowhewasmarried。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Heartbreak？Areyouoneofthosewhoaresosufficienttothemselvesthattheyareonlyhappywhentheyarestrippedofeverything，evenofhope？
　　ELLIE[grippingthehand]。Itseemsso;forIfeelnowasiftherewasnothingIcouldnotdo，becauseIwantnothing。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。That’stheonlyrealstrength。That’sgenius。
　　That’sbetterthanrum。
　　ELLIE[throwingawayhishand]。Rum！Whydidyouspoilit？
　　HectorandRandallcomeinfromthegardenthroughthestarboarddoor。
　　HECTOR。Ibegyourpardon。Wedidnotknowtherewasanyonehere。
　　ELLIE[rising]。ThatmeansthatyouwanttotellMrRandallthestoryaboutthetiger。Come，Captain：Iwanttotalktomyfather;andyouhadbettercomewithme。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[rising]。Nonsense！themanisinbed。
　　ELLIE。Aha！I’vecaughtyou。Myrealfatherhasgonetobed;butthefatheryougavemeisinthekitchen。Youknewquitewellallalong。Come。[Shedrawshimoutintothegardenwithherthroughtheportdoor]。
　　HECTOR。That’sanextraordinarygirl。ShehastheAncientMarineronastringlikeaPekinesedog。
　　RANDALL。Nowthattheyhavegone，shallwehaveafriendlychat？
　　HECTOR。Youareinwhatissupposedtobemyhouse。Iamatyourdisposal。
　　Hectorsitsdowninthedraughtsman’schair，turningittofaceRandall，whoremainsstanding，leaningathiseaseagainstthecarpenter’sbench。
　　RANDALL。Itakeitthatwemaybequitefrank。ImeanaboutLadyUtterword。
　　HECTOR。Youmay。Ihavenothingtobefrankabout。Inevermetheruntilthisafternoon。
　　RANDALL[straighteningup]。What！Butyouarehersister’shusband。
　　HECTOR。Well，ifyoucometothat，youareherhusband’sbrother。
　　RANDALL。Butyouseemtobeonintimatetermswithher。
　　HECTOR。Sodoyou。
　　RANDALL。Yes：butIAMonintimatetermswithher。Ihaveknownherforyears。
　　HECTOR。Ittookheryearstogettothesamepointwithyouthatshegottowithmeinfiveminutes，itseems。
　　RANDALL[vexed]。Really，Ariadneisthelimit[hemovesawayhuffishlytowardsthewindows]。
　　HECTOR[coolly]。Sheis，asIremarkedtoHesione，averyenterprisingwoman。
　　RANDALL[returning，muchtroubled]。Yousee，Hushabye，youarewhatwomenconsideragood—lookingman。
　　HECTOR。Icultivatedthatappearanceinthedaysofmyvanity;
　　andHesioneinsistsonmykeepingitup。Shemakesmeweartheseridiculousthings[indicatinghisArabcostume]becauseshethinksmeabsurdineveningdress。
　　RANDALL。Still，youdokeepitup，oldchap。Now，IassureyouI
　　havenotanatomofjealousyinmydispositionHECTOR。Thequestionwouldseemtoberatherwhetheryourbrotherhasanytouchofthatsort。
　　RANDALL。What！Hastings！Oh，don’ttroubleaboutHastings。Hehasthegiftofbeingabletoworksixteenhoursadayatthedullestdetail，andactuallylikesit。Thatgetshimtothetopwhereverhegoes。AslongasAriadnetakescarethatheisfedregularly，heisonlytoothankfultoanyonewhowillkeepheringoodhumorforhim。
　　HECTOR。AndasshehasalltheShotoverfascination，thereisplentyofcompetitionforthejob，eh？
　　RANDALL[angrily]。Sheencouragesthem。Herconductisperfectlyscandalous。Iassureyou，mydearfellow，Ihaven’tanatomofjealousyinmycomposition;butshemakesherselfthetalkofeveryplaceshegoestobyherthoughtlessness。It’snothingmore：shedoesn’treallycareforthemenshekeepshangingabouther;buthowistheworldtoknowthat？It’snotfairtoHastings。It’snotfairtome。
　　HECTOR。HertheoryisthatherconductissocorrectRANDALL。Correct！Shedoesnothingbutmakescenesfrommorningtillnight。Youbecareful，oldchap。Shewillgetyouintotrouble：thatis，shewouldifshereallycaredforyou。
　　HECTOR。Doesn’tshe？
　　RANDALL。Notascrap。Shemaywantyourscalptoaddtohercollection;buthertrueaffectionhasbeenengagedyearsago。
　　Youhadreallybetterbecareful。
　　HECTOR。Doyousuffermuchfromthisjealousy？
　　RANDALL。Jealousy！Ijealous！Mydearfellow，haven’tItoldyouthatthereisnotanatomof——
　　HECTOR。Yes。AndLadyUtterwordtoldmeshenevermadescenes。
　　Well，don’twasteyourjealousyonmymoustache。Neverwastejealousyonarealman：itistheimaginaryherothatsupplantsusallinthelongrun。Besides，jealousydoesnotbelongtoyoureasyman—of—the—worldpose，whichyoucarrysowellinotherrespects。
　　RANDALL。Really，Hushabye，Ithinkamanmaybeallowedtobeagentlemanwithoutbeingaccusedofposing。
　　HECTOR。Itisaposelikeanyother。Inthishouseweknowalltheposes：ourgameistofindoutthemanunderthepose。ThemanunderyourposeisapparentlyEllie’sfavorite，Othello。
　　RANDALL。Someofyourgamesinthishousearedamnedannoying，letmetellyou。
　　HECTOR。Yes：Ihavebeentheirvictimformanyyears。Iusedtowritheunderthematfirst;butIbecameaccustomedtothem。AtlastIlearnedtoplaythem。
　　RANDALL。Ifit’sallthesametoyouIhadratheryoudidn’tplaythemonme。Youevidentlydon’tquiteunderstandmycharacter，ormynotionsofgoodform。
　　HECTOR。IsityournotionofgoodformtogiveawayLadyUtterword？
　　RANDALL[achildishlyplaintivenotebreakingintohishuff]。I
　　havenotsaidawordagainstLadyUtterword。Thisisjusttheconspiracyoveragain。
　　HECTOR。Whatconspiracy？
　　RANDALL。Youknowverywell，sir。AconspiracytomakemeouttobepettishandjealousandchildishandeverythingIamnot。
　　EveryoneknowsIamjusttheopposite。
　　HECTOR[rising]。Somethingintheairofthehousehasupsetyou。
　　Itoftendoeshavethateffect。[HegoestothegardendoorandcallsLadyUtterwordwithcommandingemphasis]。Ariadne！
　　LADYUTTERWORD[atsomedistance]。Yes。
　　RANDALL。Whatareyoucallingherfor？Iwanttospeak——
　　LADYUTTERWORD[arrivingbreathless]。Yes。Youreallyareaterriblycommandingperson。What’sthematter？
　　HECTOR。IdonotknowhowtomanageyourfriendRandall。Nodoubtyoudo。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Randall：haveyoubeenmakingyourselfridiculous，asusual？Icanseeitinyourface。Really，youarethemostpettishcreature。
　　RANDALL。Youknowquitewell，Ariadne，thatIhavenotanounceofpettishnessinmydisposition。Ihavemademyselfperfectlypleasanthere。Ihaveremainedabsolutelycoolandimperturbableinthefaceofaburglar。Imperturbabilityisalmosttoostrongapointofmine。But[puttinghisfootdownwithastamp，andwalkingangrilyupanddowntheroom]Iinsistonbeingtreatedwithacertainconsideration。IwillnotallowHushabyetotakelibertieswithme。Iwillnotstandyourencouragingpeopleasyoudo。
　　HECTOR。Themanhasarooteddelusionthatheisyourhusband。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Iknow。Heisjealous。Asifhehadanyrighttobe！Hecompromisesmeeverywhere。Hemakesscenesallovertheplace。Randall：Iwillnotallowit。Isimplywillnotallowit。
　　YouhadnorighttodiscussmewithHector。Iwillnotbediscussedbymen。
　　HECTOR。Bereasonable，Ariadne。Yourfatalgiftofbeautyforcesmentodiscussyou。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Ohindeed！whataboutYOURfatalgiftofbeauty？
　　HECTOR。HowcanIhelpit？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youcouldcutoffyourmoustache：Ican’tcutoffmynose。Igetmywholelifemessedupwithpeoplefallinginlovewithme。AndthenRandallsaysIrunaftermen。
　　RANDALL。I——
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Yesyoudo：yousaiditjustnow。Whycan’tyouthinkofsomethingelsethanwomen？Napoleonwasquiterightwhenhesaidthatwomenaretheoccupationoftheidleman。Well，ifevertherewasanidlemanonearth，hisnameisRandallUtterword。
　　RANDALL。Ariad——
　　LADYUTTERWORD[overwhelminghimwithatorrentofwords]。Ohyesyouare：it’snousedenyingit。Whathaveyoueverdone？Whatgoodareyou？Youareasmuchtroubleinthehouseasachildofthree。Youcouldn’tlivewithoutyourvalet。
　　RANDALL。Thisis——
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Laziness！Youarelazinessincarnate。Youareselfishnessitself。Youarethemostuninterestingmanonearth。
　　Youcan’tevengossipaboutanythingbutyourselfandyourgrievancesandyourailmentsandthepeoplewhohaveoffendedyou。[TurningtoHector]。Doyouknowwhattheycallhim，Hector？
　　HECTOR}[speaking{Pleasedon’ttellme。
　　RANDALL}together]{I’llnotstandit——
　　LADYUTTERWORD。RandalltheRotter：thatishisnameingoodsociety。
　　RANDALL[shouting]。I’llnotbearit，Itellyou。Willyoulistentome，youinfernal——[hechokes]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Well：goon。Whatwereyougoingtocallme？Aninfernalwhat？Whichunpleasantanimalisittobethistime？
　　RANDALL[foaming]。Thereisnoanimalintheworldsohatefulasawomancanbe。Youareamaddeningdevil。Hushabye，youwillnotbelievemewhenItellyouthatIhavelovedthisdemonallmylife;butGodknowsIhavepaidforit[hesitsdowninthedraughtsman’schair，weeping]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[standingoverhimwithtriumphantcontempt]。
　　Cry—baby！
　　HECTOR[gravely，comingtohim]。Myfriend，theShotoversistershavetwostrangepowersovermen。Theycanmakethemlove;andtheycanmakethemcry。Thankyourstarsthatyouarenotmarriedtooneofthem。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[haughtily]。Andpray，Hector——
　　HECTOR[suddenlycatchingherroundtheshoulders：swingingherrightroundhimandawayfromRandall：andgrippingherthroatwiththeotherhand]。Ariadne，ifyouattempttostartonme，I’llchokeyou：doyouhear？Thecat—and—mousegamewiththeothersexisagoodgame;butIcanplayyourheadoffatit。[Hethrowsher，notatallgently，intothebigchair，andproceeds，lessfiercelybutfirmly]。ItistruethatNapoleonsaidthatwomanistheoccupationoftheidleman。Butheaddedthatsheistherelaxationofthewarrior。Well，Iamthewarrior。Sotakecare。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[notintheleastputout，andratherpleasedbyhisviolence]。MydearHector，Ihaveonlydonewhatyouaskedmetodo。
　　HECTOR。Howdoyoumakethatout，pray？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。YoucalledmeintomanageRandall，didn’tyou？
　　Yousaidyoucouldn’tmanagehimyourself。
　　HECTOR。Well，whatifIdid？Ididnotaskyoutodrivethemanmad。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Heisn’tmad。That’sthewaytomanagehim。Ifyouwereamother，you’dunderstand。
　　HECTOR。Mother！Whatareyouuptonow？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。It’squitesimple。Whenthechildrengotnervesandwerenaughty，Ismackedthemjustenoughtogivethemagoodcryandahealthynervousshock。Theywenttosleepandwerequitegoodafterwards。Well，Ican’tsmackRandall：heistoobig;sowhenhegetsnervesandisnaughty，Ijustraghimtillhecries。Hewillbeallrightnow。Look：heishalfasleepalready[whichisquitetrue]。
　　RANDALL[wakingupindignantly]。I’mnot。Youaremostcruel，Ariadne。[Sentimentally]。ButIsupposeImustforgiveyou，asusual[hecheckshimselfintheactofyawning]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[toHector]。Istheexplanationsatisfactory，dreadwarrior？
　　HECTOR。SomedayIshallkillyou，ifyougotoofar。Ithoughtyouwereafool。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[laughing]。Everybodydoes，atfirst。ButIamnotsuchafoolasIlook。[Sherisescomplacently]。Now，Randall，gotobed。Youwillbeagoodboyinthemorning。
　　RANDALL[onlyveryfaintlyrebellious]。I’llgotobedwhenI
　　like。Itisn’ttenyet。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Itislongpastten。Seethathegoestobedatonce，Hector。[Shegoesintothegarden]。
　　HECTOR。Isthereanyslaveryonearthvilerthanthisslaveryofmentowomen？
　　RANDALL[risingresolutely]。I’llnotspeaktohertomorrow。I’llnotspeaktoherforanotherweek。I’llgivehersuchalesson。
　　I’llgostraighttobedwithoutbiddinghergood—night。[Hemakesforthedoorleadingtothehall]。
　　HECTOR。Youareunderaspell，man。OldShotoversoldhimselftothedevilinZanzibar。Thedevilgavehimablackwitchforawife;andthesetwodemondaughtersaretheirmysticalprogeny。I
　　amtiedtoHesione’sapron—string;butI’mherhusband;andifI
　　didgostarkstaringmadabouther，atleastwebecamemanandwife。ButwhyshouldyouletyourselfbedraggedaboutandbeatenbyAriadneasatoydonkeyisdraggedaboutandbeatenbyachild？Whatdoyougetbyit？Areyouherlover？
　　RANDALL。Youmustnotmisunderstandme。Inahighersense——inaPlatonicsense——
　　HECTOR。Psha！Platonicsense！Shemakesyouherservant;andwhenpay—daycomesround，shebilksyou：thatiswhatyoumean。
　　RANDALL[feebly]。Well，ifIdon’tmind，Idon’tseewhatbusinessitisofyours。Besides，ItellyouIamgoingtopunishher。Youshallsee：Iknowhowtodealwithwomen。I’mreallyverysleepy。Saygood—nighttoMrsHushabyeforme，willyou，likeagoodchap。Good—night。[Hehurriesout]。
　　HECTOR。Poorwretch！Ohwomen！women！women！[Heliftshisfistsininvocationtoheaven]。Fall。Fallandcrush。[Hegoesoutintothegarden]。
　　ACTIII
　　Inthegarden，Hector，ashecomesoutthroughtheglassdoorofthepoop，findsLadyUtterwordlyingvoluptuouslyinthehammockontheeastsideoftheflagstaff，inthecircleoflightcastbytheelectricarc，whichislikeamooninitsopalglobe。Beneaththeheadofthehammock，acampstool。Ontheothersideoftheflagstaff，onthelonggardenseat，CaptainShotoverisasleep，withElliebesidehim，leaningaffectionatelyagainsthimonhisrighthand。Onhisleftisadeckchair。Behindtheminthegloom，HesioneisstrollingaboutwithMangan。Itisafinestillnight，moonless。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Whatalovelynight！Itseemsmadeforus。
　　HECTOR。Thenighttakesnointerestinus。Whatarewetothenight？[Hesitsdownmoodilyinthedeckchair]。
　　ELLIE[dreamily，nestlingagainstthecaptain]。Itsbeautysoaksintomynerves。Inthenightthereispeacefortheoldandhopefortheyoung。
　　HECTOR。Isthatremarkyourown？
　　ELLIE。No。Onlythelastthingthecaptainsaidbeforehewenttosleep。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。I’mnotasleep。
　　HECTOR。Randallis。AlsoMrMazziniDunn。Mangan，too，probably。
　　MANGAN。No。
　　HECTOR。Oh，youarethere。IthoughtHesionewouldhavesentyoutobedbythistime。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[comingtothebackofthegardenseat，intothelight，withMangan]。IthinkIshall。Hekeepstellingmehehasapresentimentthatheisgoingtodie。Inevermetamansogreedyforsympathy。
　　MANGAN[plaintively]。ButIhaveapresentiment。Ireallyhave。
　　Andyouwouldn’tlisten。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Iwaslisteningforsomethingelse。Therewasasortofsplendiddrumminginthesky。Didnoneofyouhearit？Itcamefromadistanceandthendiedaway。
　　MANGAN。Itellyouitwasatrain。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。AndItellyou，Alf，thereisnotrainatthishour。Thelastisnineforty—five。
　　MANGAN。Butagoodstrain。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Notonourlittleline。Theytackatruckontothepassengertrain。Whatcanithavebeen，Hector？
　　HECTOR。Heaven’sthreateninggrowlofdisgustatususelessfutilecreatures。[Fiercely]。Itellyou，oneoftwothingsmusthappen。Eitheroutofthatdarknesssomenewcreationwillcometosupplantusaswehavesupplantedtheanimals，ortheheavenswillfallinthunderanddestroyus。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[inacoolinstructivemanner，wallowingcomfortablyinherhammock]。Wehavenotsupplantedtheanimals，Hector。Whydoyouaskheaventodestroythishouse，whichcouldbemadequitecomfortableifHesionehadanynotionofhowtolive？Don’tyouknowwhatiswrongwithit？
　　HECTOR。Wearewrongwithit。Thereisnosenseinus。Weareuseless，dangerous，andoughttobeabolished。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Nonsense！Hastingstoldmetheveryfirstdayhecamehere，nearlytwenty—fouryearsago，whatiswrongwiththehouse。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。What！Thenumskullsaidtherewassomethingwrongwithmyhouse！
　　LADYUTTERWORD。IsaidHastingssaidit;andheisnotintheleastanumskull。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。What’swrongwithmyhouse？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Justwhatiswrongwithaship，papa。Wasn’titcleverofHastingstoseethat？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Theman’safool。There’snothingwrongwithaship。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Yes，thereis。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Butwhatisit？Don’tbeaggravating，Addy。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Guess。
　　HECTOR。Demons。DaughtersofthewitchofZanzibar。Demons。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Notabit。Iassureyou，allthishouseneedstomakeitasensible，healthy，pleasanthouse，withgoodappetitesandsoundsleepinit，ishorses。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Horses！Whatrubbish！
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Yes：horses。Whyhaveweneverbeenabletoletthishouse？Becausetherearenoproperstables。GoanywhereinEnglandwheretherearenatural，wholesome，contented，andreallyniceEnglishpeople;andwhatdoyoualwaysfind？Thatthestablesaretherealcentreofthehousehold;andthatifanyvisitorwantstoplaythepianothewholeroomhastobeupsetbeforeitcanbeopened，therearesomanythingspiledonit。I
　　neverliveduntilIlearnedtoride;andIshallneverridereallywellbecauseIdidn’tbeginasachild。ThereareonlytwoclassesingoodsocietyinEngland：theequestrianclassesandtheneuroticclasses。Itisn’tmereconvention：everybodycanseethatthepeoplewhohuntaretherightpeopleandthepeoplewhodon’tarethewrongones。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thereissometruthinthis。Myshipmadeamanofme;andashipisthehorseofthesea。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。ExactlyhowHastingsexplainedyourbeingagentleman。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Notbadforanumskull。Bringthemanherewithyounexttime：Imusttalktohim。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。WhyisRandallsuchanobviousrotter？Heiswellbred;hehasbeenatapublicschoolandauniversity;hehasbeenintheForeignOffice;heknowsthebestpeopleandhaslivedallhislifeamongthem。Whyishesounsatisfactory，socontemptible？Whycan’thegetavalettostaywithhimlongerthanafewmonths？Justbecauseheistoolazyandpleasure—lovingtohuntandshoot。Hestrumsthepiano，andsketches，andrunsaftermarriedwomen，andreadsliterarybooksandpoems。Heactuallyplaystheflute;butIneverlethimbringitintomyhouse。Ifhewouldonly——[sheisinterruptedbythemelancholystrainsofaflutecomingfromanopenwindowabove。
　　Sheraisesherselfindignantlyinthehammock]。Randall，youhavenotgonetobed。Haveyoubeenlistening？[Thefluterepliespertly]。Howvulgar！Gotobedinstantly，Randall：howdareyou？
　　[Thewindowisslammeddown。Shesubsides]。Howcananyonecareforsuchacreature！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Addy：doyouthinkEllieoughttomarrypoorAlfredmerelyforhismoney？
　　MANGAN[muchalarmed]。What’sthat？MrsHushabye，aremyaffairstobediscussedlikethisbeforeeverybody？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Idon’tthinkRandallislisteningnow。
　　MANGAN。Everybodyislistening。Itisn’tright。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Butinthedark，whatdoesitmatter？Elliedoesn’tmind。Doyou，Ellie？
　　ELLIE。Notintheleast。Whatisyouropinion，LadyUtterword？
　　Youhavesomuchgoodsense。
　　MANGAN。Butitisn’tright。It——[MrsHushabyeputsherhandonhismouth]。Oh，verywell。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Howmuchmoneyhaveyou，Mr。Mangan？
　　MANGAN。Really——No：Ican’tstandthis。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Nonsense，MrMangan！Itallturnsonyourincome，doesn’tit？
　　MANGAN。Well，ifyoucometothat，howmuchmoneyhasshe？
　　ELLIE。None。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youareanswered，MrMangan。Andnow，asyouhavemadeMissDunnthrowhercardsonthetable，youcannotrefusetoshowyourown。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Come，Alf！outwithit！Howmuch？
　　MANGAN[baitedoutofallprudence]。Well，ifyouwanttoknow，I
　　havenomoneyandneverhadany。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Alfred，youmustn’ttellnaughtystories。
　　MANGAN。I’mnottellingyoustories。I’mtellingyoutherawtruth。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Thenwhatdoyouliveon，MrMangan？
　　MANGAN。Travellingexpenses。Andatrifleofcommission。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Whatmorehaveanyofusbuttravellingexpensesforourlife’sjourney？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Butyouhavefactoriesandcapitalandthings？
　　MANGAN。PeoplethinkIhave。PeoplethinkI’manindustrialNapoleon。That’swhyMissElliewantstomarryme。ButItellyouIhavenothing。
　　ELLIE。DoyoumeanthatthefactoriesarelikeMarcus’stigers？
　　Thattheydon’texist？
　　MANGAN。Theyexistallrightenough。Butthey’renotmine。Theybelongtosyndicatesandshareholdersandallsortsoflazygood—for—nothingcapitalists。Igetmoneyfromsuchpeopletostartthefactories。IfindpeoplelikeMissDunn’sfathertoworkthem，andkeepatighthandsoastomakethempay。OfcourseImakethemkeepmegoingprettywell;butit’sadog’slife;andIdon’townanything。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Alfred，Alfred，youaremakingapoormouthofittogetoutofmarryingEllie。
　　MANGAN。I’mtellingthetruthaboutmymoneyforthefirsttimeinmylife;andit’sthefirsttimemywordhaseverbeendoubted。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Howsad！Whydon’tyougoinforpolitics，MrMangan？
　　MANGAN。Goinforpolitics！Wherehaveyoubeenliving？Iaminpolitics。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。I’msureIbegyourpardon。Ineverheardofyou。
　　MANGAN。Letmetellyou，LadyUtterword，thatthePrimeMinisterofthiscountryaskedmetojointheGovernmentwithoutevengoingthroughthenonsenseofanelection，asthedictatorofagreatpublicdepartment。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。AsaConservativeoraLiberal？
　　MANGAN。Nosuchnonsense。Asapracticalbusinessman。[Theyallburstoutlaughing]。Whatareyoualllaughingat？
　　MRSHUSHARYE。Oh，Alfred，Alfred！
　　ELLIE。You！whohavetogetmyfathertodoeverythingforyou！
　　MRSHUSHABYE。You！whoareafraidofyourownworkmen！
　　HECTOR。You！withwhomthreewomenhavebeenplayingcatandmousealltheevening！
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youmusthavegivenanimmensesumtothepartyfunds，MrMangan。
　　MANGAN。Notapennyoutofmyownpocket。Thesyndicatefoundthemoney：theyknewhowusefulIshouldbetothemintheGovernment。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Thisismostinterestingandunexpected，MrMangan。Andwhathaveyouradministrativeachievementsbeen，sofar？
　　MANGAN。Achievements？Well，Idon’tknowwhatyoucallachievements;butI’vejollywellputastoptothegamesoftheotherfellowsintheotherdepartments。Everymanofthemthoughthewasgoingtosavethecountryallbyhimself，anddomeoutofthecreditandoutofmychanceofatitle。Itookgoodcarethatiftheywouldn’tletmedoittheyshouldn’tdoitthemselveseither。Imaynotknowanythingaboutmyownmachinery;butI
　　knowhowtostickaramrodintotheotherfellow’s。Andnowtheyalllookthebiggestfoolsgoing。
　　HECTOR。Andinheaven’sname，whatdoyoulooklike？
　　MANGAN。Ilooklikethefellowthatwastoocleverforalltheothers，don’tI？Ifthatisn’tatriumphofpracticalbusiness，whatis？
　　HECTOR。IsthisEngland，orisitamadhouse？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Doyouexpecttosavethecountry，MrMangan？
　　MANGAN。Well，whoelsewill？WillyourMrRandallsaveit？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Randalltherotter！Certainlynot。
　　MANGAN。Willyourbrother—in—lawsaveitwithhismoustacheandhisfinetalk？
　　HECTOR。Yes，iftheywillletme。
　　MANGAN[sneering]。Ah！Willtheyletyou？
　　HECTOR。No。Theypreferyou。
　　MANGAN。Verywellthen，asyou’reinaworldwhereI’mappreciatedandyou’renot，you’dbestbeciviltome，hadn’tyou？Whoelseistherebutme？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。ThereisHastings。Getridofyourridiculousshamdemocracy;andgiveHastingsthenecessarypowers，andagoodsupplyofbambootobringtheBritishnativetohissenses：
　　hewillsavethecountrywiththegreatestease。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Ithadbetterbelost。Anyfoolcangovernwithastickinhishand。Icouldgovernthatway。ItisnotGod’sway。Themanisanumskull。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Themanisworthallofyourolledintoone。Whatdoyousay，MissDunn？
　　ELLIE。Ithinkmyfatherwoulddoverywellifpeopledidnotputuponhimandcheathimanddespisehimbecauseheissogood。
　　MANGAN[contemptuously]。IthinkIseeMazziniDunngettingintoparliamentorpushinghiswayintotheGovernment。We’venotcometothatyet，thankGod！Whatdoyousay，MrsHushabye？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，Isayitmattersverylittlewhichofyougovernsthecountrysolongaswegovernyou。
　　HECTOR。We？Whoiswe，pray？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Thedevil’sgranddaughters，dear。Thelovelywomen。
　　HECTOR[raisinghishandsasbefore]。Fall，Isay，anddeliverusfromtheluresofSatan！
　　ELLIE。ThereseemstobenothingrealintheworldexceptmyfatherandShakespeare。Marcus’stigersarefalse;MrMangan’smillionsarefalse;thereisnothingreallystrongandtrueaboutHesionebutherbeautifulblackhair;andLadyUtterword’sistooprettytobereal。TheonethingthatwaslefttomewastheCaptain’sseventhdegreeofconcentration;andthatturnsouttobe——
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Rum。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[placidly]。Agooddealofmyhairisquitegenuine。TheDuchessofDitheringofferedmefiftyguineasforthis[touchingherforehead]undertheimpressionthatitwasatransformation;butitisallnaturalexceptthecolor。
　　MANGAN[wildly]。Lookhere：I’mgoingtotakeoffallmyclothes[hebeginstearingoffhiscoat]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。}[in{Mr。Mangan！
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER}consterna—{What’sthat？
　　HECTOR。}tion]{Ha！Ha！Do。DoELLIE}{Pleasedon’t。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[catchinghisarmandstoppinghim]。Alfred，forshame！Areyoumad？
　　MANGAN。Shame！Whatshameisthereinthishouse？Let’sallstripstarknaked。Wemayaswelldothethingthoroughlywhenwe’reaboutit。We’vestrippedourselvesmorallynaked：well，letusstripourselvesphysicallynakedaswell，andseehowwelikeit。
　　ItellyouIcan’tbearthis。Iwasbroughtuptoberespectable。
　　Idon’tmindthewomendyeingtheirhairandthemendrinking：
　　it’shumannature。Butit’snothumannaturetotelleverybodyaboutit。EverytimeoneofyouopensyourmouthIgolikethis[hecowersasiftoavoidamissile]，afraidofwhatwillcomenext。Howarewetohaveanyself—respectifwedon’tkeepitupthatwe’rebetterthanwereallyare？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Iquitesympathizewithyou，MrMangan。Ihavebeenthroughitall;andIknowbyexperiencethatmenandwomenaredelicateplantsandmustbecultivatedunderglass。Ourfamilyhabitofthrowingstonesinalldirectionsandlettingtheairinisnotonlyunbearablyrude，butpositivelydangerous。
　　Still，thereisnousecatchingphysicalcoldsaswellasmoralones;sopleasekeepyourclotheson。
　　MANGAN。I’lldoasIlike：notwhatyoutellme。AmIachildoragrownman？Iwon’tstandthismotheringtyranny。I’llgobacktothecity，whereI’mrespectedandmademuchof。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Goodbye，Alf。Thinkofussometimesinthecity。
　　ThinkofEllie’syouth！
　　ELLIE。ThinkofHesione’seyesandhair！
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thinkofthisgardeninwhichyouarenotadogbarkingtokeepthetruthout！
　　HECTOR。ThinkofLadyUtterword’sbeauty！hergoodsense！herstyle！
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Flatterer。Think，Mr。Mangan，whetheryoucanreallydoanybetterforyourselfelsewhere：thatistheessentialpoint，isn’tit？
　　MANGAN[surrendering]。Allright：allright。I’mdone。Haveityourownway。Onlyletmealone。Idon’tknowwhetherI’monmyheadormyheelswhenyouallstartonmelikethis。I’llstay。
　　I’llmarryher。I’lldoanythingforaquietlife。Areyousatisfiednow？
　　ELLIE。No。Ineverreallyintendedtomakeyoumarryme，MrMangan。Neverinthedepthsofmysoul。Ionlywantedtofeelmystrength：toknowthatyoucouldnotescapeifIchosetotakeyou。
　　MANGAN[indignantly]。What！Doyoumeantosayyouaregoingtothrowmeoveraftermyactingsohandsome？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Ishouldnotbetoohasty，MissDunn。YoucanthrowMrManganoveratanytimeuptothelastmoment。Veryfewmeninhispositiongobankrupt。Youcanliveverycomfortablyonhisreputationforimmensewealth。
　　ELLIE。Icannotcommitbigamy，LadyUtterword。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。}{Bigamy！Whateveronearthareyou}{talkingabout，Ellie？
　　LADYUTTERWORD}[exclaiming{Bigamy！Whatdoyoumean，Miss}{Dunn？
　　MANGAN}altogether]{Bigamy！Doyoumeantosayyou’re}{marriedalready？
　　HECTOR}{Bigamy！Thisissomeenigma。
　　ELLIE。OnlyhalfanhouragoIbecameCaptainShotover’swhitewife。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Ellie！Whatnonsense！Where？
　　ELLIE。Inheaven，wherealltruemarriagesaremade。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Really，MissDunn！Really，papa！
　　MANGAN。HetoldmeIwastooold！Andhimamummy！
　　HECTOR[quotingShelley]。
　　"TheiraltarthegrassyearthoutspreadsAndtheirpriestthemutteringwind。"
　　ELLIE。Yes：I，EllieDunn，givemybrokenheartandmystrongsoundsoultoitsnaturalcaptain，myspiritualhusbandandsecondfather。
　　Shedrawsthecaptain’sarmthroughhers，andpatshishand。Thecaptainremainsfastasleep。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，that’sverycleverofyou，pettikins。Veryclever。Alfred，youcouldneverhaveliveduptoEllie。Youmustbecontentwithalittleshareofme。
　　MANGAN[snifflngandwipinghiseyes]。Itisn’tkind——[hisemotionchokeshim]。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youarewelloutofit，MrMangan。MissDunnisthemostconceitedyoungwomanIhavemetsinceIcamebacktoEngland。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，Ellieisn’tconceited。Areyou，pettikins？
　　ELLIE。Iknowmystrengthnow，Hesione。
　　MANGAN。Brazen，Icallyou。Brazen。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Tut，tut，Alfred：don’tberude。Don’tyoufeelhowlovelythismarriagenightis，madeinheaven？Aren’tyouhappy，youandHector？Openyoureyes：AddyandEllielookbeautifulenoughtopleasethemostfastidiousman：weliveandloveandhavenotacareintheworld。Wewomenhavemanagedallthatforyou。Whyinthenameofcommonsensedoyougoonasifyouweretwomiserablewretches？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itellyouhappinessisnogood。Youcanbehappywhenyouareonlyhalfalive。IamhappiernowIamhalfdeadthaneverIwasinmyprime。Butthereisnoblessingonmyhappiness。
　　ELLIE[herfacelightingup]。Lifewithablessing！thatiswhatIwant。NowIknowtherealreasonwhyIcouldn’tmarryMrMangan：therewouldbenoblessingonourmarriage。Thereisablessingonmybrokenheart。Thereisablessingonyourbeauty，Hesione。Thereisablessingonyourfather’sspirit。EvenontheliesofMarcusthereisablessing;butonMrMangan’smoneythereisnone。
　　MANGAN。Idon’tunderstandawordofthat。
　　ELLIE。NeitherdoI。ButIknowitmeanssomething。
　　MANGAN。Don’tsaytherewasanydifficultyabouttheblessing。I
　　wasreadytogetabishoptomarryus。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Isn’theafool，pettikins？
　　HECTOR[fiercely]。Donotscorntheman。Weareallfools。
　　Mazzini，inpyjamasandarichlycoloredsilkdressinggown，comesfromthehouse，onLadyUtterword’sside。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh！herecomestheonlymanwhoeverresistedme。
　　What’sthematter，MrDunn？Isthehouseonfire？
　　MAZZINI。Oh，no：nothing’sthematter：butreallyit’simpossibletogotosleepwithsuchaninterestingconversationgoingonunderone’swindow，andonsuchabeautifulnighttoo。Ijusthadtocomedownandjoinyouall。Whathasitallbeenabout？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Oh，wonderfulthings，soldieroffreedom。
　　HECTOR。Forexample，Mangan，asapracticalbusinessman，hastriedtoundresshimselfandhasfailedignominiously;whilstyou，asanidealist，havesucceededbrilliantly。
　　MAZZINI。Ihopeyoudon’tmindmybeinglikethis，MrsHushabye。
　　[Hesitsdownonthecampstool]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Onthecontrary，Icouldwishyoualwayslikethat。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Yourdaughter’smatchisoff，MrDunn。ItseemsthatMrMangan，whomweallsupposedtobeamanofproperty，ownsabsolutelynothing。
　　MAZZINI。Well，ofcourseIknewthat，LadyUtterword。Butifpeoplebelieveinhimandarealwaysgivinghimmoney，whereastheydon’tbelieveinmeandnevergivemeany，howcanIaskpoorEllietodependonwhatIcandoforher？
　　MANGAN。Don’tyourunawaywiththisideathatIhavenothing。
　　I——
　　HECTOR。Oh，don’texplain。Weunderstand。Youhaveacoupleofthousandpoundsinexchequerbills，50，000sharesworthtenpenceadozen，andhalfadozentabloidsofcyanideofpotassiumtopoisonyourselfwithwhenyouarefoundout。That’stherealityofyourmillions。
　　MAZZINI。Ohno，no，no。Heisquitehonest：thebusinessesaregenuineandperfectlylegal。
　　HECTOR[disgusted]。Yah！Notevenagreatswindler！
　　MANGAN。Soyouthink。ButI’vebeentoomanyforsomehonestmen，forallthat。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Thereisnopleasingyou，MrMangan。Youaredeterminedtobeneitherrichnorpoor，honestnordishonest。
　　MANGAN。Thereyougoagain。EversinceIcameintothissillyhouseIhavebeenmadetolooklikeafool，thoughI’masgoodamaninthishouseasinthecity。
　　ELLIE[musically]。Yes：thissillyhouse，thisstrangelyhappyhouse，thisagonizinghouse，thishousewithoutfoundations。I
　　shallcallitHeartbreakHouse。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Stop，Ellie;orIshallhowllikeananimal。
　　MANGAN[breaksintoalowsnivelling]！！！
　　MRSHUSAHBYE。There！youhavesetAlfredoff。
　　ELLIE。Ilikehimbestwhenheishowling。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Silence！[Mangansubsidesintosilence]。Isay，lettheheartbreakinsilence。
　　HECTOR。Doyouacceptthatnameforyourhouse？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Itisnotmyhouse：itisonlymykennel。
　　HECTOR。Wehavebeentoolonghere。Wedonotliveinthishouse：
　　wehauntit。
　　LADYUTTERWORD[hearttorn]。ItisdreadfultothinkhowyouhavebeenherealltheseyearswhileIhavegoneroundtheworld。I
　　escapedyoung;butithasdrawnmeback。Itwantstobreakmyhearttoo。Butitshan’t。Ihaveleftyouanditbehind。Itwassillyofmetocomeback。IfeltsentimentalaboutpapaandHesioneandtheoldplace。Ifeltthemcallingtome。
　　MAZZINI。Butwhataverynaturalandkindlyandcharminghumanfeeling，LadyUtterword！
　　LADYUTTERWORD。SoIthought，MrDunn。ButIknownowthatitwasonlythelastofmyinfluenza。IfoundthatIwasnotrememberedandnotwanted。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Youleftbecauseyoudidnotwantus。Wastherenoheartbreakinthatforyourfather？Youtoreyourselfupbytheroots;andthegroundhealedupandbroughtforthfreshplantsandforgotyou。Whatrighthadyoutocomebackandprobeoldwounds？
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youwereacompletestrangertomeatfirst，Addy;
　　butnowIfeelasifyouhadneverbeenaway。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Thankyou，Hesione;buttheinfluenzaisquitecured。TheplacemaybeHeartbreakHousetoyou，MissDunn，andtothisgentlemanfromthecitywhoseemstohavesolittleself—control;buttomeitisonlyaveryill—regulatedandratheruntidyvillawithoutanystables。
　　HECTOR。Inhabitedby——？
　　ELLIE。Acrazyoldseacaptainandayoungsingerwhoadoreshim。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Asluttishfemale，tryingtostaveoffadoublechinandanelderlyspread，vainlywooingabornsoldieroffreedom。
　　MAZZINI。Oh，really，MrsHushabye——
　　MANGAN。AmemberofHisMajesty’sGovernmentthateverybodysetsdownasanincompoop：don’tforgethim，LadyUtterword。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Andaveryfascinatinggentlemanwhosechiefoccupationistobemarriedtomysister。
　　HECTOR。Allheartbrokenimbeciles。
　　MAZZINI。Ohno。Surely，ifImaysayso，ratherafavorablespecimenofwhatisbestinourEnglishculture。Youareverycharmingpeople，mostadvanced，unprejudiced，frank，humane，unconventional，democratic，free—thinking，andeverythingthatisdelightfultothoughtfulpeople。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Youdousproud，Mazzini。
　　MAZZINI。Iamnotflattering，really。WhereelsecouldIfeelperfectlyateaseinmypyjamas？IsometimesdreamthatIaminverydistinguishedsociety，andsuddenlyIhavenothingonbutmypyjamas！SometimesIhaven’tevenpyjamas。AndIalwaysfeeloverwhelmedwithconfusion。Buthere，Idon’tmindintheleast：
　　itseemsquitenatural。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Aninfalliblesignthatyouarenownotinreallydistinguishedsociety，MrDunn。Ifyouwereinmyhouse，youwouldfeelembarrassed。
　　MAZZINI。Ishalltakeparticularcaretokeepoutofyourhouse，LadyUtterword。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youwillbequitewrong，MrDunn。Ishouldmakeyouverycomfortable;andyouwouldnothavethetroubleandanxietyofwonderingwhetheryoushouldwearyourpurpleandgoldoryourgreenandcrimsondressing—gownatdinner。Youcomplicatelifeinsteadofsimplifyingitbydoingtheseridiculousthings。
　　ELLIE。YourhouseisnotHeartbreakHouse：isit，LadyUtterword？
　　HECTOR。Yetshebreakshearts，easyasherhouseis。Thatpoordevilupstairswithhisflutehowlswhenshetwistshisheart，justasManganhowlswhenmywifetwistshis。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。ThatisbecauseRandallhasnothingtodobuthavehisheartbroken。Itisachangefromhavinghisheadshampooed。CatchanyonebreakingHastings’heart！
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thenumskullwins，afterall。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。IshallgobacktomynumskullwiththegreatestsatisfactionwhenIamtiredofyouall，cleverasyouare。
　　MANGAN[huffily]。Ineversetuptobeclever。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Iforgotyou，MrMangan。
　　MANGAN。Well，Idon’tseethatquite，either。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youmaynotbeclever，MrMangan;butyouaresuccessful。
　　MANGAN。ButIdon’twanttoberegardedmerelyasasuccessfulman。Ihaveanimaginationlikeanyoneelse。IhaveapresentimentMRSHUSHABYE。Oh，youareimpossible，Alfred。HereIamdevotingmyselftoyou;andyouthinkofnothingbutyourridiculouspresentiment。Youboreme。Comeandtalkpoetrytomeunderthestars。[Shedragshimawayintothedarkness]。
　　MANGAN[tearfully，ashedisappears]。Yes：it’sallverywelltomakefunofme;butifyouonlyknew——
　　HECTOR[impatiently]。Howisallthisgoingtoend？
　　MAZZINI。Itwon’tend，MrHushabye。Lifedoesn’tend：itgoeson。
　　ELLIE。Oh，itcan’tgoonforever。I’malwaysexpectingsomething。Idon’tknowwhatitis;butlifemustcometoapointsometime。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Thepointforayoungwomanofyourageisababy。
　　HECTOR。Yes，but，damnit，Ihavethesamefeeling;andIcan’thaveababy。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Bydeputy，Hector。
　　HECTOR。ButIhavechildren。Allthatisoveranddonewithforme：andyetItoofeelthatthiscan’tlast。Wesitheretalking，andleaveeverythingtoManganandtochanceandtothedevil。
　　ThinkofthepowersofdestructionthatManganandhismutualadmirationgangwield！It’smadness：it’slikegivingatorpedotoabadlybroughtupchildtoplayatearthquakeswith。
　　MAZZINI。Iknow。IusedoftentothinkaboutthatwhenIwasyoung。
　　HECTOR。Think！What’sthegoodofthinkingaboutit？Whydidn’tyoudosomething？
　　MAZZINI。ButIdid。Ijoinedsocietiesandmadespeechesandwrotepamphlets。ThatwasallIcoulddo。But，youknow，thoughthepeopleinthesocietiesthoughttheyknewmorethanMangan，mostofthemwouldn’thavejoinediftheyhadknownasmuch。Youseetheyhadneverhadanymoneytohandleoranymentomanage。
　　EveryyearIexpectedarevolution，orsomefrightfulsmash—up：
　　itseemedimpossiblethatwecouldblunderandmuddleonanylonger。Butnothinghappened，except，ofcourse，theusualpovertyandcrimeanddrinkthatweareusedto。Nothingeverdoeshappen。It’samazinghowwellwegetalong，allthingsconsidered。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。PerhapssomebodyclevererthanyouandMrManganwasatworkallthetime。
　　MAZZINI。Perhapsso。ThoughIwasbroughtupnottobelieveinanything，Ioftenfeelthatthereisagreatdealtobesaidforthetheoryofanover—rulingProvidence，afterall。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Providence！ImeantHastings。
　　MAZZINI。Oh，Ibegyourpardon，LadyUtterword。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。EverydrunkenskippertruststoProvidence。ButoneofthewaysofProvidencewithdrunkenskippersistorunthemontherocks。
　　MAZZINI。Verytrue，nodoubt，atsea。Butinpolitics，Iassureyou，theyonlyrunintojellyfish。Nothinghappens。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Atseanothinghappenstothesea。Nothinghappenstothesky。Thesuncomesupfromtheeastandgoesdowntothewest。Themoongrowsfromasickletoanarclamp，andcomeslaterandlateruntilsheislostinthelightasotherthingsarelostinthedarkness。Afterthetyphoon，theflying—fishglitterinthesunshinelikebirds。It’samazinghowtheygetalong，allthingsconsidered。Nothinghappens，exceptsomethingnotworthmentioning。
　　ELLIE。Whatisthat，OCaptain，Omycaptain？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[savagely]。Nothingbutthesmashofthedrunkenskipper’sshipontherocks，thesplinteringofherrottentimbers，thetearingofherrustyplates，thedrowningofthecrewlikeratsinatrap。
　　ELLIE。Moral：don’ttakerum。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER[vehemently]。Thatisalie，child。Letamandrinktenbarrelsofrumaday，heisnotadrunkenskipperuntilheisadriftingskipper。Whilsthecanlayhiscourseandstandonhisbridgeandsteerit，heisnodrunkard。ItisthemanwholiesdrinkinginhisbunkandtruststoProvidencethatIcallthedrunkenskipper，thoughhedranknothingbutthewatersoftheRiverJordan。
　　ELLIE。Splendid！Andyouhaven’thadadropforanhour。Youseeyoudon’tneedit：yourownspiritisnotdead。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Echoes：nothingbutechoes。Thelastshotwasfiredyearsago。
　　HECTOR。Andthisshipthatweareallin？Thissoul’sprisonwecallEngland？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thecaptainisinhisbunk，drinkingbottledditch—water;andthecrewisgamblingintheforecastle。Shewillstrikeandsinkandsplit。DoyouthinkthelawsofGodwillbesuspendedinfavorofEnglandbecauseyouwereborninit？
　　HECTOR。Well，Idon’tmeantobedrownedlikearatinatrap。I
　　stillhavethewilltolive。WhatamItodo？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Do？Nothingsimpler。LearnyourbusinessasanEnglishman。
　　HECTOR。AndwhatmaymybusinessasanEnglishmanbe，pray？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Navigation。Learnitandlive;orleaveitandbedamned。
　　ELLIE。Quiet，quiet：you’lltireyourself。
　　MAZZINI。Ithoughtallthatonce，Captain;butIassureyounothingwillhappen。
　　Adulldistantexplosionisheard。
　　HECTOR[startingup]。Whatwasthat？
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Somethinghappening[heblowshiswhistle]。
　　Breakersahead！
　　Thelightgoesout。
　　HECTOR[furiously]。Whoputthatlightout？Whodaredputthatlightout？
　　NURSEGUINNESS[runninginfromthehousetothemiddleoftheesplanade]。Idid，sir。Thepolicehavetelephonedtosaywe’llbesummonedifwedon’tputthatlightout：itcanbeseenformiles。
　　HECTOR。Itshallbeseenforahundredmiles[hedashesintothehouse]。
　　NURSEGUINNESS。TheRectoryisnothingbutaheapofbricks，theysay。UnlesswecangivetheRectorabedhehasnowheretolayhisheadthisnight。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。TheChurchisontherocks，breakingup。ItoldhimitwouldunlessitheadedforGod’sopensea。
　　NURSEGUINNESS。Andyouarealltogodowntothecellars。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Gothereyourself，youandallthecrew。Battendownthehatches。
　　NURSEGUINNESS。AndhidebesidethecowardImarried！I’llgoontherooffirst。[Thelamplightsupagain]。There！MrHushabye’sturneditonagain。
　　THEBURGLAR[hurryinginandappealingtoNurseGuinness]。Here：
　　where’sthewaytothatgravelpit？Theboot—boysaysthere’sacaveinthegravelpit。Themcellarsisnouse。Where’sthegravelpit，Captain？
　　NURSEGUINNESS。Gostraightonpasttheflagstaffuntilyoufallintoitandbreakyourdirtyneck。[Shepusheshimcontemptuouslytowardstheflagstaff，andherselfgoestothefootofthehammockandwaitsthere，asitwerebyAriadne’scradle]。
　　Anotherandlouderexplosionisheard。Theburglarstopsandstandstrembling。
　　ELLIE[rising]。Thatwasnearer。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thenextonewillgetus。[Herises]。Standby，allhands，forjudgment。
　　THEBURGLAR。OhmyLordyGod！[Herushesawayfranticallypasttheflagstaffintothegloom]。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[emergingpantingfromthedarkness]。Whowasthatrunningaway？[ShecomestoEllie]。Didyouheartheexplosions？
　　Andthesoundinthesky：it’ssplendid：it’slikeanorchestra：
　　it’slikeBeethoven。
　　ELLIE。Bythunder，Hesione：itisBeethoven。
　　SheandHesionethrowthemselvesintooneanother’sarmsinwildexcitement。Thelightincreases。
　　MAZZINI[anxiously]。Thelightisgettingbrighter。
　　NURSEGUINNESS[lookingupatthehouse]。It’sMrHushabyeturningonallthelightsinthehouseandtearingdownthecurtains。
　　RANDALL[rushingininhispyjamas，distractedlywavingaflute]。
　　Ariadne，mysoul，myprecious，godowntothecellars：Ibegandimploreyou，godowntothecellars！
　　LADYUTTERWORD[quitecomposedinherhammock]。Thegovernor’swifeinthecellarswiththeservants！Really，Randall！
　　RANDALL。ButwhatshallIdoifyouarekilled？
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Youwillprobablybekilled，too，Randall。Nowplayyourflutetoshowthatyouarenotafraid;andbegood。
　　Playus"Keepthehomefiresburning。"
　　NURSEGUINNESS[grimly]。THEY’LLkeepthehomefiresburningforus：themupthere。
　　RANDALL[havingtriedtoplay]。Mylipsaretrembling。Ican’tgetasound。
　　MAZZINI。IhopepoorManganissafe。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Heishidinginthecaveinthegravelpit。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Mydynamitedrewhimthere。ItisthehandofGod。
　　HECTOR[returningfromthehouseandstridingacrosstohisformerplace]。Thereisnothalflightenough。Weshouldbeblazingtotheskies。
　　ELLIE[tensewithexcitement]。Setfiretothehouse，Marcus。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Myhouse！No。
　　HECTOR。Ithoughtofthat;butitwouldnotbereadyintime。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thejudgmenthascome。Couragewillnotsaveyou;butitwillshowthatyoursoulsarestilllive。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Sh—sh！Listen：doyouhearitnow？It’smagnificent。
　　Theyallturnawayfromthehouseandlookup，listening。
　　HECTOR[gravely]。MissDunn，youcandonogoodhere。Weofthishouseareonlymothsflyingintothecandle。Youhadbettergodowntothecellar。
　　ELLIE[scornfully]。Idon’tthink。
　　MAZZINI。Ellie，dear，thereisnodisgraceingoingtothecellar。Anofficerwouldorderhissoldierstotakecover。MrHushabyeisbehavinglikeanamateur。Manganandtheburglarareactingverysensibly;anditistheywhowillsurvive。
　　ELLIE。Letthem。Ishallbehavelikeanamateur。Butwhyshouldyourunanyrisk？
　　MAZZINI。Thinkoftheriskthosepoorfellowsuptherearerunning！
　　NURSEGUINNESS。Thinkofthem，indeed，themurderingblackguards！
　　Whatnext？
　　Aterrificexplosionshakestheearth。Theyreelbackintotheirseats，orclutchthenearestsupport。Theyhearthefallingoftheshatteredglassfromthewindows。
　　MAZZINI。Isanyonehurt？
　　HECTOR。Wherediditfall？
　　NURSEGUINNESS[inhideoustriumph]。Rightinthegravelpit：I
　　seenit。Serveunright！Iseenit[sherunsawaytowardsthegravelpit，laughingharshly]。
　　HECTOR。Onehusbandgone。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Thirtypoundsofgooddynamitewasted。
　　MAZZINI。Oh，poorMangan！
　　HECTOR。Areyouimmortalthatyouneedpityhim？Ourturnnext。
　　Theywaitinsilenceandintenseexpectation。HesioneandEllieholdeachother’shandtight。
　　Adistantexplosionisheard。
　　MRSHUSHABYE[relaxinghergrip]。Oh！theyhavepassedus。
　　LADYUTTERWORD。Thedangerisover，Randall。Gotobed。
　　CAPTAINSHOTOVER。Turnin，allhands。Theshipissafe。[Hesitsdownandgoesasleep]。
　　ELLIE[disappointedly]。Safe！
　　HECTOR[disgustedly]。Yes，safe。Andhowdamnablydulltheworldhasbecomeagainsuddenly！[hesitsdown]。
　　MAZZINI[sittingdown]。Iwasquitewrong，afterall。Itiswewhohavesurvived;andManganandtheburglar—
　　HECTOR。——thetwoburglars——
　　LADYUTTERWORD。——thetwopracticalmenofbusiness——
　　MAZZINI。——bothgone。Andthepoorclergymanwillhavetogetanewhouse。
　　MRSHUSHABYE。Butwhatagloriousexperience！Ihopethey’llcomeagaintomorrownight。
　　ELLIE[radiantattheprospect]。Oh，Ihopeso。
　　Randallatlastsucceedsinkeepingthehomefiresburningonhisflute。