"Enfin，mylord，"saysMr。Deuceace，startingup，andlosingallpatience，"willyouhavethegoodnesstotellmewhatthisvisitmeans？Youleavemetostarve，forallyoucare;andyougrowmightyfacetiousbecauseIearnmybread。Youfindmeinprosperity，and——"
"Precisely，myboy;precisely。Keepyourtemper，andpassthatbottle。Ifindyouinprosperity;andayounggentlemanofyourgeniusandacquirementsasksmewhyIseekyoursociety？Oh，Algernon！Algernon！thisisnotworthyofsuchaprofoundphilosopher。WHYdoIseekyou？Why，becauseyouAREinprosperity，Omyson！else，whythedevilshouldIbothermyselfaboutyou？DidI，yourpoormother，oryourfamily，evergetfromyouasingleaffectionatefeeling？Didwe，oranyotherofyourfriendsorintimates，everknowyoutobeguiltyofasinglehonestorgenerousaction？Didweeverpretendanyloveforyou，oryouforus？AlgernonDeuceace，youdon’twantafathertotellyouthatyouareaswindlerandaspendthrift！Ihavepaidthousandsforthedebtsofyourselfandyourbrothers;and，ifyoupaynobodyelse，Iamdeterminedyoushallrepayme。Youwouldnotdoitbyfairmeans，whenIwrotetoyouandaskedyouforaloanofmoney。
Iknewyouwouldnot。HadIwrittenagaintowarnyouofmycoming，youwouldhavegivenmetheslip;andsoIcame，uninvited，toFORCEyoutorepayme。THAT’SwhyIamhere，Mr。Algernon;andsohelpyourselfandpassthebottle。"
Afterthisspeach，theoldgenlmnsunkdownonthesofa，andpuffedasmuchsmokeoutofhismouthasifhe’dbeenthechimleyofasteam—injian。Iwaspleased，Iconfess，withthesean，andlikedtoseethisvenrabbleandvirtuousoldmana—nockinghissonaboutthehed;justasDeuceacehaddonewithMr。RichardBlewitt，asI’vebeforeshown。Master’sfacewas，fust，red—hot;next，chawk—
white：andthensky—blew。Helooked，foralltheworld，likeMr。
TippyCookeinthetragadyofFrankinstang。Atlast，hemannidgedtospeek。
"Mylord，"sayshe，"IexpectedwhenIsawyouthatsomesuchschemewasonfoot。SwindlerandspendthriftasIam，atleastitisbutafamilyfailing;andIamindebtedformyvirtuestomyfather’spreciousexample。Yourlordshiphas，Iperceive，addeddrunkennesstothelistofyouraccomplishments，and，Isuppose，undertheinfluenceofthatgentlemanlyexcitement，hascometomakethesepreposterouspropositionstome。Whenyouaresober，youwill，perhaps，bewiseenoughtoknow，that，foolasImaybe，Iamnotsuchafoolasyouthinkme;andthatifIhavegotmoney，Iintendtokeepit——everyfarthingofit，thoughyouweretobetentimesasdrunk，andtentimesasthreateningasyouarenow。"
"Well，well，myboy，"saidLordCrabs，whoseemedtohavebeenhalfasleepduringhisson’soratium，andreceivedallhissneersandsurcasmswiththemostcompletegood—humor;"well，well，ifyouwillresist，tantpispourtoi。I’venodesiretoruinyou，recollect，andamnotintheslightestdegreeangrybutImustandwillhaveathousandpounds。Youhadbettergivemethemoneyatonce;itwillcostyoumoreifyoudon’t。"
"Sir，"saysMr。Deuceace，"Iwillbeequallycandid。Iwouldnotgiveyouafarthingtosaveyoufrom——"
HereIthoughtpropertoopenthedoar，and，touchingmyhat，said，"IhavebeentotheCafedeParis，mylord，butthehouseisshut。"
"Bon：there’sagoodlad;youmaykeepthefivefrancs。Andnow，getmeacandleandshowmedownstairs。"
Butmymasterseizedthewaxtaper。"Pardonme，mylord，"sayshe。
"What！aservantdoit，whenyoursonisintheroom？Ah，parexemple，mydearfather，"saidhe，laughing，"youthinkthereisnopolitenessleftamongus。"Andheledthewayout。
"Goodnight，mydearboy，"saidLordCrabs，"Godblessyou，sir，"sayshe。"Areyouwrappedwarm？Mindthestep！"
Andsothisaffeckshnatepairparted。
CHAPTERIII。
MINEWVRING。
Masterrosethenexmorningwithadismalcountinants——heseamedtothinkthathispa’svisitbodedhimnogood。Iheardhimmutteringathisbrexfast，andfumblingamonghishundredpoundnotes;oncehehadlaidaparsleofthemaside（Iknewwhathemeant），tosend’emtohisfather。"Butno，"saysheatlast，clutchingthemalluptogetheragain，andthrowingthemintohisescritaw，"whatharmcanhedome？Ifheisaknave，Iknowanotherwho’sfullassharp。Let’sseeifwecannotbeathimathisownweapons。"WiththatMr。Deuceacedresthimselfinhisbestclothes，andmarchedofftothePlasVandom，topayhiscorttothefairwiddoandtheintrestingorfn。
Itwasabowtteno’clock，andhepropoasedtotheladies，onseeingthem，anumberofplannsfortheday’srackryation。RidingintheBodyBalong，goingtotheTwillariestoseeKingLooyDisweet（whowasthentherainingsufferinoftheFrenchcrownd）gotochapple，and，finely，adinnerat5o’clockattheCaffydeParry;whentstheywerealltoadjourn，toseeanewpeaceatthetheatreofthePotSt。Martin，calledSussannarandtheElders。
Thegalsagreadtoeverythink，exsepthetwolastprepositiums。
"Wehaveanengagement，mydearMr。Algernon，"saidmylady。
"Look——averykindletterfromLadyBobtail。"Andshehandedoverapafewmdnoatfromthatexoltedlady。Itranthus：——
"FBG。ST。HONORE，Thursday，Feb。15，1817。
"MYDEARLADYGRIFFIN，——Itisanagesincewemet。HarassingpublicdutiesoccupysomuchmyselfandLordBobtail，thatwehavescarcetimetoseeourprivatefriends;amongwhom，Ihope，mydearLadyGriffinwillallowmetorankher。Willyouexcusesounceremoniousaninvitation，anddinewithusattheembassyto—
day？Weshallbeenpetitecomite，andshallhavethepleasureofhearing，Ihope，someofyourcharmingdaughter’ssingingintheevening。Iought，perhaps，tohaveaddressedaseparate，notetodearMissGriffin;butIhopeshewillpardonapoordiplomate，whohassomanyletterstowrite，youknow。
"Farewelltillseven，whenIPOSITIVELYMUSTseeyouboth。Ever，dearestLadyGriffin，youraffectionate"ELIZABOBTAIL。"
Suchaletterfromtheambassdriss，brotbytheambasdor’sShassure，andsealedwithhissealofarms，wouldaffectanybodyinthemiddlingranxoflife。ItdroavLadyGriffinmadwithdelight;
and，longbeforemymaster’sarrivle，she’dsentMortimerandFitzclarence，hertwofootmin，alongwithapolitereplyintheaffummatiff。
Masterreadthenoatwithnosuchfealinxofjoy。Hefeltthattherewassomethinka—goingonbehindtheseans，and，thoughhecouldnottellhow，wassurethatsomedangerwasnearhim。ThatoldfoxofafatherofhishadbegunhisM’Inationsprettyearly！
Deuceacehandedbacktheletter;sneared，andpoohd，andhintedthatsuchaninvitationwasaninsultatbest（whathecalledapeesally）;and，theladiesmightdependuponit，wasonlysentbecauseLadyBobtailwantedtofilluptwospareplacesathertable。ButLadyGriffinandMisswouldnothavehisinsinwations;
theyknewtoofulordsevertorefuseaninvitatiumfromanyoneofthem。Gotheywould;andpoorDeuceacemustdinealone。Aftertheyhadbeenontheirride，andhadhadtheirotheramusemince，mastercamebackwiththem，chatted，andlaft;hewasmightysarkastixwithmylady;tenderandsentrymentlewithMiss;andleftthembothinhighsperritstoperformtheirtwollet，beforedinner。
AsIcametothedoor（forIwasasfamillyerasaservntofthehouse），asIcameintothedrawing—roomtoannountshiscab，Isawmasterveryquietlytakinghispocket—book（orpotfool，astheFrenchcallit）andthrustingitunderoneofthecushinxofthesofa。Whatgameisthis？thinxI。
Why，thiswasthegame。Inabowttwohours，whenheknewtheladiesweregon，hepretendstobevastlyanxiousabowtthelossofhispotfolio;andbackhegoestoLadyGriffinsestoseekforitthere。
"Pray，"sayshe，ongoingin，"askMissKickseyifImayseeherforasinglemoment。"AnddowncomesMissKicksey，quitesmiling，andhappytoseehim。
"Law，Mr。Deuceace！"saysshe，tryingtoblushashardasevershecould，"youquitesurpriseme！Idon’tknowwhetherIought，really，beingalone，toadmitagentleman。"
"Nay，don’tsayso，dearMissKicksey！fordoyouknow，Icamehereforadoublepurpose——toaskaboutapocket—bookwhichIhavelost，andmay，perhaps，havelefthere;andthen，toaskyouifyouwillhavethegreatgoodnesstopityasolitarybachelor，andgivehimacupofyournicetea？"
NICETEA！IthotIshouldhavesplit;forI’mblestifmasterhadeatenamorsleofdinner！
Nevermind：downtoteatheysat。"Doyoutakecreamandsugar，dearsir？"sayspoarKicksey，withavoiceastenderasatuttle—
duff。
"Both，dearestMissKicksey！"answersmaster;whostowedinapowerofsashongandmuffinxwhichwouldhavedonehonortoawashawoman。
Ishan’tdescribetheconversationthattookplacebetwigstmasterandthisyounglady。Thereader，praps，knowsyDeuceacetookthetroubletotalktoherforanhour，andtoswallowallhertea。Hewantedtofindoutfromherallsheknewaboutthefamlymoneymatters，andsettleatoncewhichofthetwoGriffinsesheshouldmarry。
Thepoarthing，ofcors，wasnomatchforsuchamanasmymaster。
Inaquarterofanhour，hehad，ifImayusetheigspression，"turnedherinsideout。"Hekneweverythingthatsheknew;andthat，poarcreature，wasverylittle。Therewasninethousandayear，shehadheardsay，inmoney，inhouses，inbanksinInjar，andwhatnot。Boaththeladiessignedpapersforsellingorbuying，andthemoneyseemedequillydividedbetwigstthem。
NINETHOUSANDAYEAR！Deuceacewentaway，hischeextingling，hisheartbeating。He，withoutapenny，couldnexmorning，ifheliked，bemasteroffivethousandperhannum！
Yes。Buthow？Whichhadthemoney，themotherorthedaughter？
Allthetea—drinkinghadnottaughthimthispieceofnollidge;andDeuceacethoughtitapitythathecouldnotmarryboth……
Theladiescamebackatnight，mightalypleasedwiththeirreceptionattheambasdor’s;and，steppingoutoftheircarridge，bidcoachmindriveonwithagentleminwhohadhandedthemout——astoutoldgentlemin，whoshookhandsmosttenderlyatparting，andpromisedtocalloftenuponmyLadyGriffin。Hewassopolite，thathewantedtomountthestairswithherladyship;butno，shewouldnotsufferit。"Edward，"saysshetothecoachmin，quiteloud，andpleasedthatallthepeopleinthehotelshouldhearher，"youwilltakethecarriage，anddriveHISLORDSHIPhome。"Now，canyouguesswhohislordshipwas？TheRightHon。theEarlofCrabs，tobesure;theveryoldgenlmnwhomIhadseenonsuchcharmingtermswithhissonthedaybefore。Masterknewthisthenexday，andbegantothinkhehadbeenafooltodenyhispathethousandpound。
Now，thoughthesuckmstansiesofthedinnerattheambasdor’sonlycametomyyearssometimeafter，Imayaswellrelate’emhere，wordforword，astheywastoldmebytheverygenlmnwhowaitedbehindLordCrabseseschair。
Therewasonlya"pettycomity"atdinner，asLadyBobtailsaid;
andmyLordCrabswasplacedbetwigstthetwoGriffinses，beingmightyellygantandpalitetoboth。"Allowme，"sayshetoLadyG。
（betweenthesoopandthefish），"mydearmadam，tothankyou——
ferventlythankyouforyourgoodnesstomypoorboy。Yourladyshipistooyoungtoexperience，but，Iamsure，fartootendernottounderstandthegratitudewhichmustfillafondparent’sheartforkindnessshowntohischild。Believeme，"saysmylord，lookingherfullandtenderlyintheface，"thatthefavorsyouhavedonetoanotherhavebeendoneequallytomyself，andawakeninmybosomthesamegratefulandaffectionatefeelingswithwhichyouhavealreadyinspiredmysonAlgernon。"
LadyGriffinblusht，anddrooptherheadtillherringletsfellintoherfish—plate：andsheswallowedLordCrabs’sflumryjustasshewouldsomanymusharuins。Mylord（whosepowersofslack—jawwasnotoarious）nexaddrastanotherspitchtoMissGriffin。Hesaidhe’dheardhowDeuceacewasSITUATED。Missblusht——whatahappydoghewas——Missblushtcrimson，andthenhesigheddeeply，andbeganeatinghisturbatandlobstersos。Masterwasagoodunatflumry，but，lawblessyou！hewasnomoarequilltotheoldmanthanamole—hillistoamounting。Beforethenightwasover，hehadmadeasmuchprogressasanothermanwouldinaear。Onealmostforgothisrednoseandhisbigstomick，andhiswickedleeringi’s，inhisgentleinsiniwatingwoice，hisfundofannygoats，and，aboveall，thebewtific，morl，religious，andhonrabbletoanofhisgenralconservation。Prapsyouwillsaythattheseladieswere，forsuchrichpipple，mightalyesalycaptivated;
butrecklect，mydearsir，thattheywerefreshfromInjar，——thatthey’dnotseanmanylords，——thattheyadoaredthepeeridge，aseveryhonestwomandoesinEnglandwhohasproperfeelinx，andhasreadthefashnabblenovvles，——andthathereatPariswastheirfuststepintofashnabblesosiaty。
Well，afterdinner，whileMissMatildawassinging"Dietantie，"or"Dipyourchair，"orsomeofthemsellabratedItalyianhairs（whenshebeganthissquall，hangmeifshe’deverstop），mylordgetsholdofLadyGriffinagain，andgradgalybeginstotalktoherinaverydifferentstrane。
"Whatablessingitisforusall，"sayshe，"thatAlgernonhasfoundafriendsorespectableasyourladyship。"
"Indeed，mylord;andwhy？IsupposeIamnottheonlyrespectablefriendthatMr。Deuceacehas？"
"No，surely;nottheonlyoneheHASHAD：hisbirth，and，permitmetosay，hisrelationshiptomyself，haveprocuredhimmany。But——"
（heremylordheavedaveryaffectingandlargesigh）。
"Butwhat？"saysmylady，laffingattheigspressionofhisdismalface。"Youdon’tmeanthatMr。Deuceacehaslostthemorisunworthyofthem？"
"Itrustnot，mydearmadam，Itrustnot;butheiswild，thoughtless，extravagant，andembarrassed：andyouknowamanunderthesecircumstancesisnotveryparticularastohisassociates。"
"Embarrassed？Goodheavens！Hesayshehastwothousandayearlefthimbyagod—mother;andhedoesnotseemeventospendhisincome——averyhandsomeindependence，too，forabachelor。"
Mylordnoddedhisheadsadly，andsaid，——"Willyourladyshipgivemeyourwordofhonortobesecret？Mysonhasbutathousandayear，whichIallowhim，andisheavilyindebt。Hehasplayed，madam，Ifear;andforthisreasonIamsogladtohearthatheisinarespectabledomesticcircle，wherehemaylearn，inthepresenceoffargreaterandpurerattractions，toforgetthedice—
box，andthelowcompanywhichhasbeenhisbane。"
MyLadyGriffinlookedverygraveindeed。Wasittrue？WasDeuceacesincereinhisprofessionsoflove，orwasheonlyasharperwooingherforhermoney？Couldshedoubtherinformer？
hisownfather，and，what’smore，arealfleshandbloodpearofparlyment？Shedeterminedshewouldtryhim。PrapsshedidnotknowshehadlikedDeuceacesomuch，untilshekemtofeelhowmuchsheshouldHATEhimifshefoundhe’dbeenplayingherfalse。
Theeveningwasover，andbacktheycame，aswee’veseen，——mylorddrivinghomeinmylady’scarridge，herladyshipandMisswalkingupstairstotheirownapartmince。
Here，forawonder，waspoarMissKickseyquitehappyandsmiling，andevidentlyfullofasecret，——somethingmightypleasant，tojudgefromherloox。Shedidnotlongkeepit。Asshewasmakingteafortheladies（forinthathousetheytookacupregularbeforebedtime），"Well，mylady，"saysshe，"whodoyouthinkhasbeentodrinkteawithme？"Poarthing，afrendlyfacewasaeventinherlife——atea—partyquiteahera！
"Why，perhaps，Lenoirmymaid，"saysmylady，lookinggrave。"I
wish，MissKicksey，youwouldnotdemeanyourselfbymixingwithmydomestics。Recollect，madam，thatyouaresistertoLadyGriffin。"
"No，mylady，itwasnotLenoir;itwasagentleman，andahandsomegentleman，too。"
"Oh，itwasMonsieurdel’Orge，then，"saysMiss;"hepromisedtobringmesomeguitar—strings。"
"No，noryetM。del’Orge。Hecame，butwasnotsopoliteastoaskforme。Whatdoyouthinkofyourownbeau，theHonorableMr。
AlgernonDeuceace;"and，sosaying，poarKickseyclappedherhandstogether，andlookedasjoyfleasifshe’dcomeintoafortin。
"Mr。Deuceacehere;andwhy，pray？"saysmylady，whorecklectedallthathisexlentpahadbeensayingtoher。
"Why，inthefirstplace，hehadlefthispocket—book，andinthesecond，hewanted，hesaid，adishofmynicetea;whichhetook，andstayedwithmeanhour，ormoar。"
"Andpray，MissKicksey，"saidMissMatilda，quitecontempshusly，"whatmayhavebeenthesubjectofyourconversationwithMr。
Algernon？Didyoutalkpolitics，ormusic，orfinearts，ormetaphysics？"MissM。beingwhatwascalledablue（asmosthump—
backedwomeninsosiatyare），alwaysmadeapinttospeakonthesegrandsubjects。
"No，indeed;hetalkedofnosuchawfulmatters。Ifhehad，youknow，Matilda，Ishouldneverhaveunderstoodhim。Firstwetalkedabouttheweather，nextaboutmuffinsandcrumpets。Crumpets，hesaid，helikedbest;andthenwetalked"（hereMissKicksey’svoicefell）"aboutpoordearSirGeorgeinheaven！whatagoodhusbandhewas，and——"
"Whatagoodfortuneheleft，eh，MissKicksey？"saysmylady，withahard，snearingvoice，andadiabolliclegrin。
"Yes，dearLeonora，hespokesorespectfullyofyourblessedhusband，andseemedsoanxiousaboutyouandMatilda，itwasquitecharmingtohearhim，dearman！"
"Andpray，MissKicksey，whatdidyoutellhim？"
"Oh，ItoldhimthatyouandLeonorahadninethousandayear，and——"
"Whatthen？"
"Why，nothing;thatisallIknow。IamsureIwishIhadninety，"
sayspoorKicksey，hereyesturningtoheaven。
"Ninetyfiddlesticks！DidnotMr。Deuceaceaskhowthemoneywasleft，andtowhichofus？"
"Yes;butIcouldnottellhim。"
"Iknewit！"saysmylady，slappingdownhertea—cup，——"Iknewit！"
"Well！"saysMissMatilda，"andwhynot，LadyGriffin？Thereisnoreasonyoushouldbreakyourtea—cup，becauseAlgernonasksaharmlessquestion。HEisnotmercenary;heisallcandor，innocence，generosity！Heishimselfblessedwithasufficientportionoftheworld’sgoodstobecontent;andoftenandoftenhashetoldmehehopedthewomanofhischoicemightcometohimwithoutapenny，thathemightshowthepurityofhisaffection。"
"I’venodoubt，"saysmylady。"PerhapstheladyofhischoiceisMissMatildaGriffin！"andsheflungoutoftheroom，slammingthedoor，andleavingMissMatildatobustintotears，aswasherreglarcustom，andpourherlovesandwoasintothebuzzomofMissKicksey。
CHAPTERIV。
"HITTINGTHENALEONTHEHEDD。"
Thenexmorning，downcamemeandmastertoLadyGriffinses，——I
amusingmyselfwiththegalsintheantyroom，hepayinghisdevourstotheladiesinthesalong。Misswasthrummingonhergitter;myladywasbeforeagreatboxofpapers，busywithaccounts，bankers’
books，lawyers’letters，andwhatnot。Lawblessus！it’sakindofbisnissIshouldlikewellenuff;especiallywhenmyhannualaccountwassevenoreightthousandontherightside，likemylady’s。Myladyinthishousekepallthesematterstoherself。
Misswasavastdealtoosentrimentletomindbusiness。
MissMatilda’seyessparkledasmastercamein;shepintedgracefullytoaplaceonthesofybesideher，whichDeuceacetook。
Myladyonlylookedupforamoment，smiledverykindly，anddownwentherheadamongthepapersagen，asbusyasaB。
"LadyGriffinhashadlettersfromLondon，"saysMiss，"fromnastylawyersandpeople。Comehereandsitbyme，younaughtymanyou！"
Anddownsatmaster。"Willingly，"sayshe，"mydearMissGriffin;
why，Ideclare，itisquitsatete—a—tete。"
"Well，"saysMiss（aftertheprillimnaryflumries，incoarse），"wemetafriendofyoursattheembassy，Mr。Deuceace。"
"Myfather，doubtless;heisagreatfriendoftheambassador，andsurprisedmemyselfbyavisitthenightbeforelast。"
"Whatadeardelightfuloldman！howhelovesyou，Mr。Deuceace！"
"Oh，amazingly！"saysmaster，throwinghisi’stoheaven。
"Hespokeofnothingbutyou，andsuchpraisesofyou！"
Masterbreathedmorefreely。"Heisverygood，mydearfather;butblind，asallfathersare，heissopartialandattachedtome。"
"Hespokeofyoubeinghisfavoritechild，andregrettedthatyouwerenothiseldestson。’Icanbutleavehimthesmallportionofayoungerbrother，’hesaid;’butnevermind，hehastalents，anoblename，andanindependenceofhisown。’"
"Anindependence？yes，ohyes;Iamquiteindependentofmyfather。"
"Twothousandpoundsayearleftyoubyyourgodmother;theverysameyoutoldusyouknow。"
"Neithermorenorless，"saysmaster，bobbinghishead;asufficiency，mydearMissGriffin，——toamanofmymoderatehabitsanampleprovision。"
"By—the—by，"criesoutLadyGriffin，interruptingtheconversation，"youwhoaretalkingaboutmoneymattersthere，IwishyouwouldcometotheaidofpoorME！Come，naughtyboy，andhelpmeoutwiththislonglongsum。"
DIDN’THEGO——that’sall！Myi，howhisi’sshone，asheskiptacrosstheroom，andseatedhimselfbymylady！
"Look！"saidshe，"myagentswritemeoverthattheyhavereceivedaremittanceof7，200rupees，at2s。9d。arupee。Dotellmewhatthesumis，inpoundsandshillings;"whichmasterdidwithgreatgravity。
"Ninehundredandninetypounds。Good;Idaresayyouareright。
I’msureIcan’tgothroughthefatiguetosee。Andnowcomesanotherquestion。Whosemoneyisthis，mineorMatilda’s？YouseeitistheinterestofasuminIndia，whichwehavenothadoccasiontotouch;and，accordingtothetermsofpoorSirGeorge’swill，Ireallydon’tknowhowtodisposeofthemoneyexcepttospendit。Matilda，whatshallwedowithit？"
"La，ma’am，Iwishyouwouldarrangethebusinessyourself。"
"Well，then，Algernon，YOUtellme;"andshelaidherhandonhisandlookedhimmostpatheticklyintheface。
"Why，"sayshe，"Idon’tknowhowSirGeorgelefthismoney;youmustletmeseehiswill，first。"
"Oh，willingly。"
Master’schairseemedsuddenlytohavegotspringsinthecushns;
hewasobligedtoHOLDHIMSELFDOWN。
"Lookhere，Ihaveonlyacopy，takenbymyhandfromSirGeorge’sownmanuscript。Soldiers，youknow，donotemploylawyersmuch，andthiswaswrittenonthenightbeforegoingintoaction。"Andsheread，"’I，GeorgeGriffin，’&c。&c。——youknowhowthesethingsbegin——’beingnowofsanemind’——um，um，um，——’leavetomyfriends，ThomasAbrahamHicks，acolonelintheH。E。I。Company’sService，andtoJohnMonroMackirkincroft（ofthehouseofHuffle，Mackirkincroft，andDobbs，atCalcutta），thewholeofmyproperty，toberealizedasspeedilyastheymay（consistentlywiththeinterestsoftheproperty），intrustformywife，LeonoraEmiliaGriffin（bornL。E。Kicksey），andmyonlylegitimatechild，MatildaGriffin。Theinterestresultingfromsuchpropertytobepaidtothem，shareandsharealike;theprincipaltoremainuntouched，inthenamesofthesaidT。A。HicksandJ。M。Mackirkincroft，untilthedeathofmywife，LeonoraEmiliaGriffin，whenitshallbepaidtomydaughter，MatildaGriffin，herheirs，executors，orassigns。’"
"There，"saidmylady，"wewon’treadanymore;alltherestisstuff。Butnowyouknowthewholebusiness，telluswhatistobedonewiththemoney？"
"Why，themoney，unquestionably，shouldbedividedbetweenyou。"
"Tantmieux，sayI;IreallythoughtithadbeenallMatilda’s。"……
Therewasapawsforaminitortwoafterthewillhadbeenread。
Masterleftthedeskatwhichhehadbeenseatedwithherladyship，pacedupanddowntheroomforawhile，andthencameroundtotheplacewhereMissMatildawasseated。Atlasthesaid，inalow，tremblingvoice，——
"Iamalmostsorry，mydearLadyGriffin，thatyouhavereadthatwilltome;foranattachmentsuchasminemustseem，Ifear，mercenary，whentheobjectofitissogreatlyfavoredbyworldlyfortune。MissGriffin——Matilda！IknowImaysaytheword;yourdeareyesgrantmethepermission。Ineednottellyou，oryou，dearmother—in—law，howlong，howfondly，Ihaveadoredyou。Mytender，mybeautifulMatilda，IwillnotaffecttosayIhavenotreadyourhearterethis，andthatIhavenotknownthepreferencewithwhichyouhavehonoredme。SPEAKIT，deargirl！fromyourownsweetlips：inthepresenceofanaffectionateparent，utterthesentencewhichistosealmyhappinessforlife。Matilda，dearestMatilda！say，ohsay，thatyouloveme！"
MissM。shivered，turnedpail，rowledhereyesabout，andfellonmaster’sneck，whisperinghodibly，"IDO！"
Myladylookedatthepairforamomentwithherteethgrinding，heri’sglaring，herbusmthrobbing，andherfacechockwhite;foralltheworldlikeMadamPasty，intheoppraof"Mydear"（whenshe’sgointomudderherchildring，yourecklect）;andoutsheflouncedfromtheroom，withoutaword，knockingdownpoarme，whohappenedtobeverynearthedor，andleavingmymasteralongwithhiscrook—backmistress。
I’verepottedthespeechhemadetoherprettywell。Thefactis，Igotitinaruffcopy;onlyonthecopyit’swrote，"LadyGriffin，Leonora！"insteadof"MissGriffin，Matilda，"asintheabuff，andsoon。
Masterhadhittherightnailontheheadthistime，hethought：
buthisadventorsan’toveryet。
CHAPTERV。
THEGRIFFIN’SCLAWS。
Well，masterhadhittherightnailontheheadthistime：thanxtoluck——thecrookedone，tobesure，butthenithadtheGOOLDNOBB，whichwasthepartDeuceacemostvalued，aswellheshould;beingaconnyshureastotherelletiffvalyouofpretiousmetals，andmuchpreferringvirginggooldlikethistopooroldbatteredironlikemyLadyGriffin。
Andso，inspiteofhisfather（atwhicholdnobleminMr。Deuceacenowsnapthisfingers），inspiteofhisdetts（which，todohimJustas，hadneverstoodmuchinhisway），andinspiteofhispovatty，idleness，extravagans，swindling，anddebotcheriesofallkinds（whichan’tGENERALLYveryfavorabletoayoungmanwhohastomakehiswayintheworld）;inspiteofall，therehewas，I
say，atthetoppofthetrea，thefewchermasterofaperfectfortun，thedefiancedhusbandofafoolofawife。Whatcanmortialmanwantmore？Vishnsofambishnnowoccupiedhissoal。
Shootingboxes，oppraboxes，moneyboxesalwaysfull;huntersatMelton;aseatinthehouseofCommins：heavenknowswhat！andnotapoarfootman，whoonlydescribeswhathe’sseen，andcan’t，incors，pennytrateintotheidearsandthebusmsofmen。
Youmaybeshorethatthethree—cornerednoatscameprettythicknowfromtheGriffinses。Misswasalwaysa—writingthembefoar;
andnow，nite，noon，andmornink，breakfast，dinner，andsopper，intheycame，tillmypantry（formasterneverread’em，andIcarried’emout）waspufficklyintolrabblefromtheodorofmusk，ambygrease，bargymot，andothersensewithwhichtheywereimpregniated。Here’sthecontenseofthreeon’em，whichI’vekepinmydexthesetwentyyearsasskeewriosities。Faw！Icansmel’ematthisveryminit，asIamcopyingthemdown。
BILLYDOO。No。I。
"Mondaymorning，2o’clock。
"’Tisthewitchinghourofnight。Lunailluminesmychamber，andfallsuponmysleeplesspillow。ByherlightIaminditingthesewordstothee，myAlgernon。Mybraveandbeautiful，mysoul’slord！whenshallthetimecomewhenthetediousnightshallnotseparateus，northeblessedday？Twelve！one！two！Ihaveheardthebellschime，andthequarters，andneverceasetothinkofmyhusband。MyadoredPercy，pardonthegirlishconfession，——Ihavekissedtheletteratthisplace。Willthylipspressittoo，andremainforamomentonthespotwhichhasbeenequallysalutedbyyour"MATILDA？"
ThiswastheFUSTletter，andwasbrottoourhousebyoneofthepoarfootmin，Fitzclarence，atsickso’clockinthemorning。I
thotitwasforlifeanddeath，andwoakmasteratthatextraornaryhour，andgaveittohim。Ishallneverforgithim，whenheredit;hecrampeditup，andhecustandswoar，applyingtotheladywhoroat，thegenlmnthatbroughtit，andmewhointrojuicedittohisnoticesuchacollectionofepitafsasIseldumhered，excepatBillinxgit。Thefactisthiss;forafustletter，miss’snoatwasRATHERtoostrongandsentymentle。Butthatwasherway;shewasalwaysreadingmelancholystoarybooks——"ThaduseofWawsaw，"the"SorrowsofMacWhirter，"andsuchlike。
Afterabout6ofthem，masterneveryousedtoreadthem，buthandidthemovertome，toseeiftherewasanythinkinthemwhichmustbeanswered，inordertokipupappearuntses。ThenextletterisNo。II。
"BELOVED！towhatstrangemadnesseswillpassionleadone！LadyGriffin，sinceyouravowalyesterday，hasnotspokenawordtoyourpoorMatilda;hasdeclaredthatshewilladmitnoone（heigho！notevenyou，myAlgernon）;andhaslockedherselfinherowndressing—
room。IdobelievethatsheisJEALOUS，andfanciesthatyouwereinlovewithHER！Ha，ha！IcouldhavetoldherANOTHERTALE——
n’est—cepas？Adieu，adieu，adieu！Athousandthousandmillionkisses！
"M。G。
"Mondayafternoon，2o’clock。"
Therewasanotherletterkembeforebedtime;forthoughmeandmastercalledattheGriffinses，wewairntaloudtoenteratnoprice。MortimerandFitzclarencegrin’datme，asmuchastosayweweregoingtoberelations;butIdon’tsposemasterwasverysorrywhenhewasobleachedtocomebackwithoutseeingthefareobjictofhisaffeckshns。
Well，onChewsdytherewasthesamegame;dittoonWensday;only，whenwecalledthere，whoshouldweseebutourfather，LordCrabs，whowaswaivinghishandtoMissKicksey，andsayingHESHOULDBE
BACKTODINNERAT7，justasmeandmastercameupthestares。
Therewasnoadmittnsforusthough。"Bah！bah！nevermind，"saysmylord，takinghissonaffeckshnatelybythehand。"What，twostringstoyourbow;ay，Algernon？Thedowageralittlejealous，missalittlelovesick。Butmylady’sfitofangerwillvanish，andIpromiseyou，myboy，thatyoushallseeyourfaironeto—
morrow。"
Andsosaying，mylordwalkedmasterdownstares，lookingathimastenderandaffeckshnat，andspeakingtohimassweetasposbill。
Masterdidnotknowwhattothinkofit。Henevernewwhatgamehisoldfatherwasat;onlyhesomehowfeltthathehadgothisheadinanet，inspiteofhissuxessonSunday。Iknewit——Iknewitquitewell，assoonasIsawtheoldgenlmnigsamminhimbyakindofsmilewhichcameoverhisoldface，andwassomethinkbetwigsttheangellicandthedirebollicle。
Butmaster’sdowtswereclearedupnexdayandeverythingwasbrightagain。Atbrexfast，incomesanotewithinclosier，boathofwitchIherecopy：——
No。IX。
"Thursdaymorning。
"Victoria，Victoria！Mammahasyieldedatlast;notherconsenttoourunion，butherconsenttoreceiveyouasbefore;andhaspromisedtoforgetthepast。Sillywoman，howcouldsheeverthinkofyouasanythingbuttheloverofyourMatilda？Iaminawhirlofdeliciousjoyandpassionateexcitement。Ihavebeenawakeallthislongnight，thinkingofthee，myAlgernon，andlongingfortheblissfulhourofmeeting。
"Come！M。G。"
Thisistheinclosierfrommylady：——
"IwillnottellyouthatyourbehavioronSundaydidnotdeeplyshockme。Ihadbeenfoolishenoughtothinkofotherplans，andtofancyyourheart（ifyouhadany）wasfixedelsewherethanononeatwhosefoiblesyouhaveoftenlaughedwithme，andwhosepersonatleastcannothavecharmedyou。
"Mystep—daughterwillnot，Ipresume，marrywithoutatleastgoingthroughtheceremonyofaskingmyconsent;Icannot，asyet，giveit。HaveInotreasontodoubtwhethershewillbehappyintrustingherselftoyou？
"Butsheisofage，andhastherighttoreceiveinherownhouseallthosewhomaybeagreeabletoher，——certainlyyou，whoarelikelytobeonedaysonearlyconnectedwithher。IfIhavehonestreasontobelievethatyourloveforMissGriffinissincere;ifIfindinafewmonthsthatyouyourselfarestilldesiroustomarryher，Ican，ofcourse，placenofurtherobstaclesinyourway。
"Youarewelcome，then，toreturntoourhotel。IcannotpromisetoreceiveyouasIdidofold;youwoulddespisemeifIdid。I
canpromise，however，tothinknomoreofallthathaspassedbetweenus，andyieldupmyownhappinessforthatofthedaughterofmydearhusband。
"L。E。G。"
Well，now，an’tthisamanly，straitforardletterenough，andnatralfromawomanwhomwehad，toconfessthetruth，treatedmostscuvvily？Masterthoughtso，andwentandmadeatender，respeckfulspeachtoLadyGriffin（alittleflumrycostsnothink）。Graveandsorrofllehekistherhand，and，speakininaverylowadgitaytedvoice，calldHevntowitnesshowhedeplordthathisconductshouldeverhavegivenrisetosuchanunforntideer;butifhemightofferheresteem，respect，thewarmestandtenderestadmiration，hetrustedshewouldacceptthesame，andadealmoarflumryofthekind，withdark，sollumglansisoftheeyes，andplentyofwhitepockit—hankercher。
Hethoughthe’dmakeallsafe。Poarfool！hewasinanet——sichanetasIneveryetseesettoketcharoagin。
CHAPTERVI。
THEJEWEL。
TheShevalierdel’Orge，theyoungFrenchminwhomIwroteofinmylast，whohadbeenrathershyofhisvisitswhilemasterwascomingitsoverystrong，nowcamebacktohisoldplacebythesideofLadyGriffin：therewasnolovenow，though，betwigsthimandmaster，althoughtheshevallierhadgothisladybackagin;
DeuceacebeingcompleatlydevotedtohiscrookidVeanus。
Theshevalierwasalittle，pale，moddist，insinifishntcreature;
andIshoodn’thavethought，fromhisappearants，wouldhavethehearttodoharmtoafli，muchlesstostandbeforsuchatremendioustigerandfire—eaterasmymaster。ButIseeputtywell，afteraweek，fromhismannerofgoingon——ofspeakinatmaster，andlookinathim，andoldinghislipstightwhenDeuceacecameintotheroom，andglaringathimwithhisi’s，thathehatedtheHonrabbleAlgernonPercy。
ShallItellyouwhy？BecausemyLadyGriffinhatedhim：hatedhimwussthanpison，orthedevvle，orevenwussthanherdaughter—in—
law。Prapsyouphansythattheletteryouhavejussredwashonest;prapsyouamadginthattheseanofthereadingofthewillcameonbymerechans，andinthereglarcorsofsuckmstansies：itwasallaGAME，Itellyou——areglartrap;andthatextrodnarcleveryoungman，mymaster，asneatlyputhisfootintoit，aseverapocherdidinfesntpreserve。
TheshevalierhadhisqfromLadyGriffin。WhenDeuceacewentoffthefeald，backcameDel’Orgetoherfeet，notawittlesstenderthanbefor。Porfellow，porfellow！hereallylovedthiswoman。
Hemightaswellhavefolninlovewithabore—constructor！Hewassoblindedandbeatbythepowerwichshehadgotoverhim，thatifshetoldhimblackwaswhitehe’dbeleaveit，orifsheorderedhimtocommitmurder，he’ddoit：shewantedsomethingverylikeit，I
cantellyou。
I’vealreadysaidhow，inthefustpartoftheiracquaintance，masterusedtolaffatDel’Orge’sbadInglish，andfunnyways。
Thelittlecreaturehadathowsndofthese;andbeingsmall，andaFrenchman，master，incors，lookedonhimwiththatgood—humoredkindofcontempwhichagoodBrittnotalwaystoshow。Heraythertreatedhimlikeanintelligentmunkythanaman，andorderedhimaboutasifhe’dbeanmylady’sfootman。
Allthismunseertookinverygoodpart，untilafterthequarlbetwigstmasterandLadyGriffin;whenthatladytookcaretoturnthetables。Whenevermasterandmisswerenotpresent（asI’veheardtheservantssay），sheusedtolaffatshevalliayforhisobeajanceandsivillattytomaster。Forherpart，shewonderedhowamanofhisbirthcouldactaservnt：howanymancouldsubmittosuchcontemsheousbehaviorfromanother;andthenshetoldhimhowDeuceacewasalwayssnearingathimbehindhisback;how，infact，heoughttohatehimcorjaly，andhowitwassuttalytimetoshowhissperrit。
Well，thepoarlittlemanbeleavedallthisfromhishart，andwasangryorpleased，gentleorquarlsum，igsactlyasmyladyliked。
Theregottobefrequintrowsbetwigsthimandmaster;sharpwordsflungateachotheracrossthedinner—table;dispewtsabouthandingladiestheirsmeling—botls，orseeingthemtotheircarridge;orgoinginandoutofaroamfust，oranysuchnonsince。
"Forhevn’ssake，"Iheerdmylady，inthemidlofoneofthesetiffs，say，pail，andthetearstremblinginheri’s，"do，dobecalm，Mr。Deuceace。Monsieurdel’Orge，Ibeseechyoutoforgivehim。Youare，bothofyou，soesteemed，lov’d，bymembersofthisfamily，thatforitspeaceaswellasyourown，youshouldforbeartoquarrel。"
ItwasonthewaytotheSallyMangythatthisbranglinghadbegun，anditendedjestastheywereseatingthemselves。IshallneverforgitpoarlittleDel’Orge’seyes，whenmyladysaid"bothofyou。"Hestair’datmyladyforamomint，turnedpail，red，look’dwild，andthen，goingroundtomaster，shookhishandasifhewouldhavewrungitoff。Mr。Deuceaceonlybow’dandgrin’d，andturnedawayquitestately;MissheavedaloudOfromherbusm，andlookedupinhisfacewithanigspreshnjestasifshecouldhaveeathimupwithlove;andthelittleshevalliaysatedowntohissoop—plate，andwussohappy，thatI’mblestifhewasn’tcrying！
Hethoughtthewiddowhadmadeherdeclyration，andwouldhavehim;
andsothoughtDeuceace，wholook’datherforsometimemightybitterandcontempshus，andthenfella—talkingwithMiss。
Now，thoughmasterdidn’tchoosetomarryLadyGriffin，ashemighthavedone，heyetthoughtfittobeveryangryatthenotionofhermarryinganybodyelse;andso，consquintly，wasinafewryatthisconfisionwhichshehadmaderegardingherparshaleatyfortheFrenchshevaleer。