Iain’tanAnarchist。"
ThePrince,byamusculareffort,retiredsomefourorfiveinchesandcommencedtorebuttonhiswaistcoat。
"Howdidyougethere?"askedthePrince。
"’TwasabiggerjobthanI’dreckonedon,"admittedTommy,seekingadryinchinthesmearedhandkerchief,andfindingnone。"Butthatdon’tmatter,"addedTommycheerfully,"nowI’mhere。"
"IfyoudonotwishmetohandyouovertothepoliceatSouthampton,youhadbetteranswermyquestions,"remarkedthePrincedrily。
Tommywasnotafraidofprinces,butinthelexiconofherharassedyouth"Police"hadalwaysbeenawordofdread。
"Iwantedtogetatyou。"
"Igatherthat。"
"Theredidn’tseemanyotherway。It’sjollydifficulttogetatyou。You’resojollyartful。"
"Tellmehowyoumanagedit。"
"There’salittlebridgeforsignalsjustoutsideWaterloo。I
couldseethatthetrainwouldhavetopassunderit。SoIclimbedupandwaited。Itbeingafoggynight,yousee,nobodytwiggedme。
Isay,youarePrinceBlank,ain’tyou?"
"IamPrinceBlank。"
"ShouldhavebeenmadifI’dlandedthewrongman。"
"Goon。"
"Iknewwhichwasyourcarriage——leastways,Iguessedit;andasitcamealong,Ididadrop。"Tommyspreadoutherarmsandlegstoillustratetheaction。"Thelamps,youknow,"explainedTommy,stilldabbingatherface——"oneofthemcaughtme。"
"Andfromtheroof?"
"Oh,well,itwaseasyafterthat。There’sanironthingattheback,andsteps。You’veonlygottowalkdownstairsandroundthecorner,andthereyouare。Bitofluckyourotherdoornotbeinglocked。Ihadn’tthoughtofthat。Haven’tgotsuchathingasahandkerchiefaboutyou,haveyou?"
ThePrincedrewonefromhissleeveandpassedittoher。"Youmeantotellme,boy——"
"Ain’taboy,"explainedTommy。"I’magirl!"
Shesaiditsadly。Deeminghernewfriendssuchascouldbetrusted,Tommyhadacceptedtheirstatementthatshereallywasagirl。Butformanyalongyeartocomethethoughtofherlostmanhoodtingedhervoicewithbitterness。
"Agirl!"
Tommynoddedherhead。
"Umph!"saidthePrince;"IhaveheardagooddealabouttheEnglishgirl。Iwasbeginningtothinkitexaggerated。Standup。"
Tommyobeyed。Itwasnotaltogetherherway;butwiththoseeyesbeneaththeirshaggybrowsbentuponher,itseemedthesimplestthingtodo。
"So。Andnowthatyouarehere,whatdoyouwant?"
"Tointerviewyou。"
Tommydrewforthherlistofquestions。
Theshaggybrowscontracted。
"Whoputyouuptothisabsurdity?Whowasit?Tellmeatonce。"
"Nobody。"
"Don’tlietome。Hisname?"
Theterrible,smalleyesflashedfire。ButTommyalsohadapairofeyes。Beforetheirblazeofindignationthegreatmanpositivelyquailed。Thistypeofopponentwasnewtohim。
"I’mnotlying。"
"Ibegyourpardon,"saidthePrince。
AndatthispointitoccurredtothePrince,whobeingreallyagreatman,hadnaturallyasenseofhumour,thataconferenceconductedontheselinesbetweentheleadingstatesmanofanEmpireandanimpertinenthussyof,say,twelveyearsoldattheoutside,mightendbybecomingridiculous。SothePrincetookuphischairandputitdownagainbesideTommy’s,andemployingskilfullyhisundoubteddiplomaticgifts,drewfromherbitbybitthewholestory。
"I’minclined,MissJane,"saidtheGreatMan,thestoryended,"toagreewithourfriendMr。Hope。Ishouldsayyourmetierwasjournalism。"
"Andyou’llletmeinterviewyou?"askedTommy,showingherwhiteteeth。
TheGreatMan,layingahandheavierthanheguessedonTommy’sshoulder,rose。"Ithinkyouareentitledtoit。"
"What’syourviews?"demandedTommy,reading,"ofthefuturepoliticalandsocialrelationships——"
"Perhaps,"suggestedtheGreatMan,"itwillbesimplerifIwriteitmyself。"
"Well,"concurredTommy;"myspellingisabitrocky。"
TheGreatMandrewachairtothetable。
"Youwon’tmissoutanything——willyou?"insistedTommy。
"Ishallendeavour,MissJane,togiveyounocauseforcomplaint,"
gravelyheassuredher,andsatdowntowrite。
NottillthetrainbegantoslackenspeedhadthePrincefinished。
Then,blottingandrefoldingthepaper,hestoodup。
"Ihaveaddedsomeinstructionsonthebackofthelastpage,"
explainedthePrince,"towhichyouwilldrawMr。Hope’sparticularattention。Iwouldwishyoutopromiseme,MissJane,neveragaintohaverecoursetodangerousacrobatictricks,noteveninthesacredcauseofjournalism。"
"Ofcourse,ifyouhadn’tbeensojollydifficulttogetat——"
"Myfault,Iknow,"agreedthePrince。"Thereisnottheleastdoubtastowhichsexyoubelongto。Nevertheless,Iwantyoutopromiseme。Come,"urgedthePrince,"Ihavedoneagooddealforyou——morethanyouknow。"
"Allright,"consentedTommyalittlesulkily。Tommyhatedmakingpromises,becauseshealwayskeptthem。"Ipromise。"
"ThereisyourInterview。"ThefirstSouthamptonplatformlampshoneinuponthePrinceandTommyastheystoodfacingoneanother。ThePrince,whohadacquiredthereputation,notaltogetherunjustly,ofanill—temperedandsavageoldgentleman,didastrangething:takingthelittle,blood—smearedfacebetweenhispaws,hekissedit。Tommyalwaysrememberedthesmokyflavourofthebristlygreymoustache。
"Onethingmore,"saidthePrincesternly——"notawordofallthis。
Don’topenyourmouthtospeakofittillyouarebackinGoughSquare。"
"Doyoutakemeforamug?"answeredTommy。
TheybehavedveryoddlytoTommyafterthePrincehaddisappeared。
Everybodytookadealoftroubleforher,butnoneofthemseemedtoknowwhytheyweredoingit。Theylookedatherandwentaway,andcameagainandlookedather。Andthemoretheythoughtaboutit,themorepuzzledtheybecame。Someofthemaskedherquestions,butwhatTommyreallydidn’tknow,addedtowhatshedidn’tmeantotell,wassoprodigiousthatCuriosityitselfpaledatcontemplationofit。
Theywashedandbrushedherupandgaveheranexcellentsupper;
andputtingherintoafirst—classcompartmentlabelled"Reserved,"
sentherbacktoWaterloo,andthenceinacabtoGoughSquare,whereshearrivedaboutmidnight,sufferingfromasenseofself—
importance,tracesofwhichtothisdayarestilldiscernible。
Suchandthuswasthebeginningofallthings。Tommy,havingtalkedforhalfanhourattherateoftwohundredwordsaminute,hadsuddenlydroppedherheaduponthetable,hadbeenarousedwithdifficultyandpersuadedtogotobed。Peter,inthedeepeasy—
chairbeforethefire,satlongintothenight。Elizabeth,likingquietcompany,purredsoftly。OutoftheshadowscrepttoPeterHopeanoldforgottendream——thedreamofawonderfulnewJournal,priceonepennyweekly,ofwhichtheEditorshouldcometobeoneThomasHope,sonofPeterHope,itshonouredFounderandOriginator:apowerfulJournalthatshouldsupplyalong—feltwant,popular,butatthesametimeelevating——apleasuretothepublic,aprofittoitsowners。"Doyounotrememberme?"
whisperedtheDream。"Wehadlongtalkstogether。Themorningandthenoondaypass。Theeveningstillisours。Thetwilightalsobringsitspromise。"
Elizabethstoppedpurringandlookedupsurprised。Peterwaslaughingtohimself。
STORYTHESECOND——WilliamCloddappointshimselfManagingDirectorMrs。PostwhistlesatonaWindsor—chairinthecentreofRollsCourt。Mrs。Postwhistle,who,inthedaysofherHebehood,hadbeenlikenedbyadmiringfrequentersoftheoldMitreinChanceryLanetotheladies,somewhatemaciated,thatanEnglishartist,sincebecomefamous,wasthencommencingtopopularise,haddevelopedwiththepassingyears,yetstillretainedafaceofplacidyouthfulness。Thetwofacts,takeninconjunction,hadresultedinanassettoherincomenottobedespised。ThewandererthroughRollsCourtthissummer’safternoon,presuminghimtobefamiliarwithcurrentjournalism,wouldhaveretiredhauntedbythesensethattherestful—lookingladyontheWindsor—chairwassomeonethatheoughttoknow。Glancingthroughalmostanyillustratedpaperoftheperiod,theproblemwouldhavebeensolvedforhim。AphotographofMrs。Postwhistle,takenquiterecently,hewouldhaveencounteredwiththislegend:"BEFOREuseofProfessorHardtop’scertaincureforcorpulency。"BesideitaphotographofMrs。Postwhistle,thenArabellaHiggins,takentwentyyearsago,thelegendslightlyvaried:"AFTERuse,"etc。Thefacewasthesame,thefigure——therewasnodenyingit——hadundergonedecidedalteration。
Mrs。PostwhistlehadreachedwithherchairthecentreofRollsCourtincourseoffollowingthesun。Thelittleshop,overthelintelofwhichran:"TimothyPostwhistle,GrocerandProvisionMerchant,"shehadleftbehindherintheshadow。OldinhabitantsofSt。Dunstan—in—the—Westretainedrecollectionofagentlemanlyfigure,alwaysinaverygorgeouswaistcoat,withDundrearywhiskers,tobeseenoccasionallytherebehindthecounter。Allcustomersitwouldrefer,withtheairofaLordHighChamberlainintroducingdebutantes,toMrs。Postwhistle,evidentlyregardingitselfpurelyasornamental。Forthelasttenyears,however,noonehadnoticeditthere,andMrs。Postwhistlehadafacilityamountingalmosttogeniusforignoringormisunderstandingquestionsitwasnottohertastetoanswer。Mostthingsweresuspected,nothingknown。St。Dunstan—in—the—Westhadturnedtootherproblems。
"IfIwasn’twantingtosee’im,"remarkedtoherselfMrs。
Postwhistle,whowasknittingwithoneeyeupontheshop,"’e’dabeen’ere’foreI’d’adtimetoclearthedinnerthingsaway;
certainto’avebeen。It’sastrangeworld。"
Mrs。PostwhistlewasdesirousforthearrivalofagentlemannotusuallyawaitedwithimpatiencebytheladiesofRollsCourt——towit,oneWilliamClodd,rent—collector,whosedayforSt。Dunstan—
in—the—WestwasTuesday。
"Atlast,"saidMrs。Postwhistle,thoughwithouthopethatMr。
Clodd,whohadjustappearedattheotherendofthecourt,couldpossiblyhearher。"Wasbeginningtobeafraidasyou’dtumbledoveryerselfinyour’urryand’urtyerself。"
Mr。Clodd,perceivingMrs。Postwhistle,decidedtoabandonmethodandtakeNo。7first。
Mr。Cloddwasashort,thick—set,bullet—headedyoungman,withwaysthatwerebustling,andeyesthat,thoughkind,suggestedtrickiness。
"Ah!"saidMr。Cloddadmiringly,ashepocketedthesixhalf—crownsthattheladyhandeduptohim。"Ifonlytheywerealllikeyou,Mrs。Postwhistle!"
"Wouldn’tbenoneedofchapslikeyoutoworry’em,"pointedoutMrs。Postwhistle。
"It’sanironyoffate,mybeingarent—collector,whenyoucometothinkofit,"remarkedMr。Clodd,writingoutthereceipt。"IfI
hadmyway,I’dputanendtolandlordism,rootandbranch。Curseofthecountry。"
"JusttheverythingIwantedtotalktoyouabout,"returnedthelady——"thatlodgero’mine。"
"Ah!don’tpay,don’the?Youjusthandhimovertome。I’llsoonhaveitoutofhim。"
"It’snotthat,"explainedMrs。Postwhistle。"IfaSaturdaymorning’appenedtocomeroundas’edidn’tpayupwithoutmeasking,IshouldknowI’dmadeamistake——thatitmustbeFriday。
IfIdon’t’appentobeinat’alf—pastten,’eputsitinanenvelopeandleavesitonthetable。"
"Wonderifhismotherhasgotanymorelikehim?"musedMr。Clodd。
"Coulddowithafewaboutthisneighbourhood。Whatisityouwanttosayabouthim,then?Merelytobragabouthim?"
"Iwantedtoaskyou,"continuedMrs。Postwhistle,"’owIcouldgetridof’im。Itwasratheracuriousagreement。"
"Whydoyouwanttogetridofhim?Toonoisy?"
"Noisy!Why,thecatmakesmorenoiseaboutthe’ousethan’edoes。’E’dmake’isfortuneasaburglar。"
"Comehomelate?"
"Neverknown’imoutaftertheshuttersareup。"
"Givesyoutoomuchtroublethen?"
"Ican’tsaythatof’im。Neverknowwhether’e’sinthe’ouseorisn’t,withoutgoingupstairsandknockingatthedoor。"
"Here,youtellityourownway,"suggestedthebewilderedClodd。
"Ifitwasanyoneelsebutyou,Ishouldsayyoudidn’tknowyourownbusiness。"
"’Egetsonmynerves,"saidMrs。Postwhistle。"Youain’tina’urryforfiveminutes?"
Mr。Cloddwasalwaysinahurry。"ButIcanforgetittalkingtoyou,"addedthegallantMr。Clodd。
Mrs。Postwhistleledthewayintothelittleparlour。
"Justthenameofit,"consentedMr。Clodd。"Cheerfulnesscombinedwithtemperance;that’stheideal。"
"I’lltellyouwhat’appenedonlylastnight,"commencedMrs。
Postwhistle,seatingherselftheoppositesideoftheloo—table。
"Alettercamefor’imbytheseveno’clockpost。I’dseen’imgoouttwohoursbefore,andthoughI’dbeensittingintheshopthewholeblessedtime,Ineversawor’eard’impassthrough。E’slikethat。It’slike’avingaghostforalodger。Iopened’isdoorwithoutknockingandwentin。Ifyou’llbelieveme,’ewasclingingwith’isarmsandlegstothetopofthebedstead——it’soneofthoseold—fashioned,four—postthings——’is’eadtouchingtheceiling。’E’adn’tgottoomuchclotheson,andwascrackingnutswith’isteethandeating’em。’Ethrewa’andfulofshellsatme,andmakingthemostawfulfacesatme,startedoffgibberingsoftlytohimself。"
"Allplay,Isuppose?Norealvice?"commentedtheinterestedMr。
Clodd。
"Itwillgoonforaweek,thatwill,"continuedMrs。Postwhistle——
"’efancying’imselfamonkey。Lastweekhewasatortoise,andwascrawlingaboutonhisstomachwithatea—traytiedonto’isback。’E’sassensibleasmostmen,ifthat’ssayingmuch,themoment’e’soutsidethefrontdoor;butinthe’ouse——well,I
supposethefactisthat’e’salunatic。"
"Don’tseemnohidinganythingfromyou,"Mrs。PostwhistleremarkedMr。Cloddintonesofadmiration。"Doesheevergetviolent?"
"Don’tknowwhat’ewouldbelikeif’e’appenedtofancy’imselfsomethingreallydangerous,"answeredMrs。Postwhistle。"Iamabitnervousofthisnewmonkeygame,Idon’tmindconfessingtoyou——thethingsthattheydoaccordingtothepicture—books。Uptonow,exceptforimagining’imselfamole,andtakingallhismealsunderneaththecarpet,it’sbeenmostlybirdsandcatsand’armlesssorto’thingsI’aven’tseemedtomindsomuch。"
"Howdidyougetholdofhim?"demandedMr。Clodd。"Havemuchtroubleinfindinghim,ordidsomebodycomeandtellyouabouthim?"
"OldGladman,ofChanceryLane,thelawstationer,brought’im’ereoneeveningabouttwomonthsago——said’ewasasortofdistantrelativeof’is,abitsoftinthe’ead,butperfectly’armless——
wantedtoput’imwithsomeonewhowouldn’timposeon’im。Well,whatbetween’avingbeenemptyforoverfiveweeks,thepooroldgaby’imselflookingasgentleasalamb,andthefigurebeingreasonable,Iratherjumpedattheidea;andoldGladman,explainingas’ow’ewantedthethingsettledanddonewith,gotmetosignaletter。"
"Keptacopyofit?"askedthebusiness—likeClodd。
"No。ButIcanrememberwhatitwas。Gladman’aditallready。
Solongasthemoneywaspaidpunctualand’edidn’tmakenodisturbanceanddidn’tfallsick,Iwastogoonboardingandlodging’imforseventeen—and—sixpenceaweek。Itdidn’tstrikemeasanythingtobeobjectedtoatthetime;but’epayin’regular,asI’veexplainedtoyou,andbe’aving,sofarasdisturbanceisconcerned,morelikeaChristianmartyrthanaman,well,itlookstomeasifI’dgottoliveanddiewith’im。"
"Givehimrope,andpossiblyhe’llhaveaweekatbeingahowlinghyaena,oralaughingjackass,orsomethingofthatsortthatwillleadtoadisturbance,"thoughtMr。Clodd,"inwhichcase,ofcourse,youwouldhaveyourremedy。"
"Yes,"thoughtMrs。Postwhistle,"andpossiblyalso’emaytakeitintowhat’ecallsis’eadtobeatigerorabull,andthenperhapsbefore’e’sthroughwithitI’llbebeyondthereachofremedies。"
"Leaveittome,"saidMr。Clodd,risingandsearchingforhishat。
"IknowoldGladman;I’llhaveatalkwithhim。"
"Youmightgetalookatthatletterifyoucan,"suggestedMrs。
Postwhistle,"andtellmewhatyouthinkaboutit。Idon’twanttospendtherestofmydaysinalunaticasylumofmyownifIcan’elpit。"
"Youleaveittome,"wasMr。Clodd’spartingassurance。
TheJulymoonhadthrownasilverveiloverthegrimnessofRollsCourtwhen,fivehourslater,Mr。Clodd’snailedbootsechoedagainuponitsunevenpavement;butMr。Cloddhadnoeyeformoonorstarsorsuch—like;alwayshehadthingsmoreimportanttothinkof。
"Seentheold’umbug?"askedMrs。Postwhistle,whowaspartialtotheair,leadingthewayintotheparlour。
"Firstandforemostcommenced,"Mr。Clodd,ashelaidasidehishat,"itisquiteunderstoodthatyoureallydowanttogetridofhim?What’sthat?"demandedMr。Clodd,aheavythuduponthefloorabovehavingcausedhimtostartoutofhischair。
"’Ecameinanhourafteryou’dgone,"explainedMrs。Postwhistle,"bringingwithhimacurtainpoleas’e’dpickedupforashillinginClareMarket。’E’srestedoneenduponthemantelpieceandtiedtheothertothebackoftheeasy—chair——’isideaistotwine’imselfrounditandgotosleepuponit。Yes,you’vegotitquiterightwithoutasingleblunder。Idowanttogetridof’im"
"Then,"saidMr。Clodd,reseatinghimself,"itcanbedone。"
"ThankGodforthat!"wasMrs。Postwhistle’spiousejaculation。
"ItisjustasIthought,"continuedMr。Clodd。"Theoldinnocent—
—he’sGladman’sbrother—in—law,bytheway——hasgotasmallannuity。Icouldn’tgettheactualfigure,butIguessit’saboutsufficienttopayforhiskeepandleaveoldGladman,whoisrunninghim,averydecentprofit。Theydon’twanttosendhimtoanasylum。Theycan’tsayhe’sapauper,andtoputhimintoaprivateestablishmentwouldswallowup,mostlikely,thewholeofhisincome。Ontheotherhand,theydon’twantthebotheroflookingafterhimthemselves。Italkedprettystraighttotheoldman——lethimseeIunderstoodthebusiness;and——well,tocutalongstoryshort,I’mwillingtotakeonthejob,providedyoureallywanttohavedonewithit,andGladmaniswillinginthatcasetoletyouoffyourcontract。"
Mrs。PostwhistlewenttothecupboardtogetMr。Cloddadrink。
Anotherthuduponthefloorabove——onesuggestiveofexceptionalvelocity——arrivedattheprecisemomentwhenMrs。Postwhistle,thetumblerlevelwithhereye,wasintheactofmeasuring。
"Icallthismakingadisturbance,"saidMrs。Postwhistle,regardingthebrokenfragments。
"It’sonlyforanothernight,"comfortedherMr。Clodd。"I’lltakehimawaysometimeto—morrow。Meanwhile,ifIwereyou,IshouldspreadamattressunderneaththatperchofhisbeforeIwenttobed。Ishouldlikehimhandedovertomeinreasonablerepair。"
"Itwilldeadenthesoundabit,any’ow,"agreedMrs。Postwhistle。
"Successtotemperance,"drankMr。Clodd,androsetogo。
"Itakeityou’vefixedthingsupallrightforyourself,"saidMrs。Postwhistle;"andnobodycanblameyouifyou’ave。’Eavenblessyou,iswhatIsay。"
"Weshallgetontogether,"prophesiedMr。Clodd。"I’mfondofanimals。"
Earlythenextmorningafour—wheeledcabdrewupattheentrancetoRollsCourt,andinitanduponitwentawayCloddandClodd’sLunatic(asafterwardshecametobeknown),togetherwithallthebelongingsofClodd’sLunatic,thecurtain—poleincluded;andthereappearedagainbehindthefanlightofthelittlegrocer’sshoptheintimation:"LodgingsforaSingleMan,"whichcaughttheeyeafewdayslaterofaweird—looking,lanky,rawbonedladdie,whoselanguageMrs。Postwhistlefounddifficultyforatimeincomprehending;andthatiswhyonesometimesmeetsto—dayworshippersofKailYardliteraturewanderingdisconsolatelyaboutSt。Dunstan—in—the—West,seekingRollsCourt,discomfortedbecauseitisnomore。Butthatisthehistoryofthe"WeeLaddie,"andthisofthebeginningsofWilliamClodd,nowSirWilliamClodd,Bart。,M。P。,proprietorofaquarterofahundrednewspapers,magazines,andjournals:"TruthfulBilly"wecalledhimthen。
NoonecansayofCloddthathedidnotdeservewhateverprofithisunlicensedlunaticasylummayhavebroughthim。AkindlymanwasWilliamCloddwhenindulgenceinsentimentdidnotinterferewithbusiness。
"There’snoharminhim,"assertedMr。Clodd,talkingthematteroverwithoneMr。PeterHope,journalist,ofGoughSquare。"He’sjustabitdotty,sameasyouorImightgetwithnothingtodoandalldaylongtodoitin。Kid’splay,that’sallitis。Thebestplan,Ifind,istotreatitasagameandtakeahandinit。Lastweekhewantedtobealion。Icouldseethatwasgoingtobeawkward,heroaringforrawmeatandthinkingtoprowlaboutthehouseatnight。Well,Ididn’tnaghim——that’snogood。Ijustgotagunandshothim。He’saducknow,andI’mtryingtokeephimone:sitsforanhourbesidehisbathonthreechinaeggsI’veboughthim。Wishsomeofthesaneoneswereaslittletrouble。"
Thesummercameagain。CloddandhisLunatic,amild—lookinglittleoldgentlemanofsomewhatclericalcut,oneoftenmetwitharm—in—arm,bustlingaboutthestreetsandcourtsthatwerethesceneofClodd’srent—collectinglabours。Theirevidentattachmenttooneanotherwascuriouslydisplayed;Clodd,theyoungandred—
haired,treatinghiswhite—haired,witheredcompanionwithfatherlyindulgence;theotherglancingupfromtimetotimeintoClodd’sfacewithawinningexpressionofinfantileaffection。
"Wearegettingmuchbetter,"explainedClodd,thepairmeetingPeterHopeonedayatthecornerofNewcastleStreet。"Themoreweareoutintheopenair,andthemorewehavetodoandthinkabout,thebetterforus——eh?"
Themild—lookinglittleoldgentlemanhangingonClodd’sarmsmiledandnodded。
"Betweenourselves,"addedMr。Clodd,sinkinghisvoice,"wearenothalfasfoolishasfolksthinkweare。"
PeterHopewenthiswaydowntheStrand。
"Clodd’sagoodsort——agoodsort,"saidPeterHope,who,havinginhistimelivedmuchalone,hadfallenintothehabitofspeakinghisthoughtsaloud;"buthe’snotthemantowastehistime。I
wonder。"
WiththewinterClodd’sLunaticfellill。
CloddbustledroundtoChanceryLane。
"Totellyouthetruth,"confessedMr。Gladman,"weneverthoughthewouldlivesolongashehas。"
"There’stheannuityyou’vegottothinkof,"saidClodd,whomhisadmirersofto—day(andtheyaremany,forhemustbeamillionairebythistime)arefondofalludingtoas"thatfrank,outspokenEnglishman。""Wouldn’titbeworthyourwhiletotrywhattakinghimawayfromthefogsmightdoforhim?"
OldGladmanseemedinclinedtoconsiderthequestion,butMrs。
Gladman,abrisk,cheerfullittlewoman,hadmadeuphermind。
"We’vehadwhatthereistohave,"saidMrs。Gladman。"He’sseventy—three。What’sthesenseofriskinggoodmoney?Becontent。"
Noonecouldsay——nooneeverdidsay——thatClodd,underthecircumstances,didnotdohisbest。Perhaps,afterall,nothingcouldhavehelped。Thelittleoldgentleman,atClodd’ssuggestion,playedatbeingadormouseandlayverystill。Ifhegrewrestless,therebybringingonhiscough,Clodd,asaterribleblackcat,waswatchingtopounceuponhim。OnlybykeepingveryquietandartfullypretendingtobeasleepcouldhehopetoescapetheruthlessClodd。
DoctorWilliamSmith(neWilhelmSchmidt)shruggedhisfatshoulders。"Wecandonoding。Desefogsofours:idisdeonetingdatenablestheforeignertocrowoverus。Keephimquiet。
Dedormouse——idisagootidea。"
ThateveningWilliamCloddmountedtothesecondfloorof16,GoughSquare,wheredwelthisfriend,PeterHope,andknockedbrisklyatthedoor。
"Comein,"saidadecidedvoice,whichwasnotPeterHope’s。
Mr。WilliamClodd’sambitionwas,andalwayshadbeen,tobetheownerorpart—ownerofapaper。To—day,asIhavesaid,heownsaquarterofahundred,andisinnegotiation,sorumourgoes,forsevenmore。Buttwentyyearsago"CloddandCo。,Limited,"wasbutinembryo。AndPeterHope,journalist,hadlikewiseandformanyalongyearcherishedtheambitiontobe,beforehedied,theownerorpart—ownerofapaper。PeterHopeto—dayownsnothing,exceptperhapstheknowledge,ifsuchthingsbepermitted,thatwheneverandwhereverhisnameismentioned,kindthoughtsariseunbidden——
thatsomeoneofthepartywillsurelysay:"DearoldPeter!Whatagoodfellowhewas!"Whichalsomaybeinitswayavaluablepossession:whoknows?ButtwentyyearsagoPeter’shorizonwaslimitedbyFleetStreet。
PeterHopewasforty—seven,sohesaid,adreamerandascholar。
WilliamCloddwasthree—and—twenty,abornhustler,verywideawake。Meetingonedaybyaccidentuponanomnibus,whenCloddlentPeter,whohadcomeoutwithouthispurse,threepencetopayhisfarewith;driftingintoacquaintanceship,eachhadcometoacquirealikingandrespectfortheother。ThedreamerthoughtwithwonderofClodd’sshrewdpracticability;thecuteyoungmanofbusinesswaslostinadmirationofwhatseemedtohimhisoldfriend’smarvellouslearning。BothhadarrivedattheconclusionthataweeklyjournalwithPeterHopeaseditor,andWilliamCloddasmanager,wouldbeboundtobesuccessful。
"Ifonlywecouldscrapetogetherathousandpounds!"hadsighedPeter。
"Themomentwelayourhandsuponthecoin,we’llstartthatpaper。
Remember,it’sabargain,"hadansweredWilliamClodd。
Mr。WilliamCloddturnedthehandleandwalkedin。Withthedoorstillinhishandhepausedtolookroundtheroom。Itwasthefirsttimehehadseenit。HismeetingshithertowithPeterHopehadbeenchancerencontresinstreetorrestaurant。Alwayshadhebeencurioustoviewthesanctuaryofsomucherudition。
Alarge,oak—panelledroom,itsthreehighwindows,eachwithalow,cushionedseatbeneathit,givingontoGoughSquare。Thirty—
fiveyearsbefore,PeterHope,thenayoungdandywithsidewhiskersclose—croppedandterminatingjustbelowtheear;withwavy,brownhair,givingtohisfresh—complexionedfaceanappearancealmostgirlish;incut—awaybluecoat,floweredwaistcoat,blacksilkcravatsecuredbytwogoldpinschainedtogether,andtightlystrappedgreytrouserings,had,aidedandabettedbyafragilelittleladyincrinolineandmuch—flouncedskirt,andbodicesomewhatlow,withcorkscrewcurlseachmovementofherheadsetringing,plannedandfurnisheditinaccordancewiththesobercanonstheninvogue,spendingthereuponmorethantheyshould,asistobeexpectedfromtheyoungtowhomthefuturepromisesallthings。ThefineBrusselscarpet!Alittletoobright,hadthoughttheshakingcurls。"Thecolourswilltonedown,miss——ma’am。"Theshopmanknew。OnlybythehelpoftheroundislandunderneaththemassiveEmpiretable,byexcursionsintountroddencorners,couldPeterrecollecttherainbowfloorhisfeethadpressedwhenhewastwenty—one。Thenoblebookcase,surmountedbyMinerva’sbust。Reallyitwastooexpensive。Butthenoddingcurlshadbeensoobstinate。Peter’ssillybooksandpapersmustbeputawayinorder;thecurlsdidnotintendtopermitanyexcuseforuntidiness。So,too,thehandsome,brass—
bounddesk;itmustbeworthyofthebeautifulthoughtsPeterwouldpenuponit。Thegreatsideboard,supportedbytwosuchangry—
lookingmahoganylions;itmustbestrongtosupporttheweightofsilvercleverPeterwouldonedaypurchasetoplaceuponit。Thefewoilpaintingsintheirheavyframes。Asolidlyfurnished,soberapartment;aboutitthatsubtleatmosphereofdignityonefindsbutinoldroomslongundisturbed,whereoneseemstoreaduponthewalls:"I,JoyandSorrow,twaininone,havedwelthere。"Oneitemonlytherewasthatseemedoutofplaceamongitsgravesurroundings——aguitar,hangingfromthewall,ornamentedwitharidiculousbluebow,somewhatfaded。
"Mr。WilliamClodd?"demandedthedecidedvoice。
Cloddstartedandclosedthedoor。
"Guesseditinonce,"admittedMr。Clodd。
"Ithoughtso,"saidthedecidedvoice。"Wegotyournotethisafternoon。Mr。Hopewillbebackateight。Willyoukindlyhangupyourhatandcoatinthehall?Youwillfindaboxofcigarsonthemantelpiece。Excusemybeingbusy。Imustfinishthis,thenI’lltalktoyou。"
Theownerofthedecidedvoicewentonwriting。Clodd,havingdoneashewasbid,sathimselfintheeasy—chairbeforethefireandsmoked。OfthepersonbehindthedeskMr。Cloddcouldseebuttheheadandshoulders。Ithadblack,curlyhair,cutshort。It’sonlygarmentvisiblebelowthewhitecollarandredtiemighthavebeenaboy’sjacketdesignedmorelikeagirl’s,oragirl’sdesignedmorelikeaboy’s;partakingofthegeniusofEnglishstatesmanship,itappearedtobeacompromise。Mr。Cloddremarkedthelong,droopinglashesoverthebright,blackeyes。
"It’sagirl,"saidMr。Cloddtohimself;"ratheraprettygirl。"
Mr。Clodd,continuingdownward,arrivedatthenose。
"No,"saidMr。Cloddtohimself,"it’saboy——acheekyyoungbeggar,Ishouldsay。"
Thepersonatthedesk,givingagruntofsatisfaction,gatheredtogethersheetsofmanuscriptandarrangedthem;then,restingitselbowsonthedeskandtakingitsheadbetweenitshands,regardedMr。Clodd。
"Don’tyouhurryyourself,"saidMr。Clodd;"butwhenyoureallyhavefinished,tellmewhatyouthinkofme。"
"Ibegyourpardon,"apologisedthepersonatthedesk。"Ihavegotintoahabitofstaringatpeople。Iknowit’srude。I’mtryingtobreakmyselfofit。"
"Tellmeyourname,"suggestedMr。Clodd,"andI’llforgiveyou。"
"Tommy,"wastheanswer——"ImeanJane。"
"Makeupyourmind,"advisedMr。Clodd;"don’tletmeinfluenceyou。Ionlywantthetruth。"
"Yousee,"explainedthepersonatthedesk,"everybodycallsmeTommy,becausethatusedtobemyname。Butnowit’sJane。"
"Isee,"saidMr。Clodd。"AndwhichamItocallyou?"
Thepersonatthedeskpondered。"Well,ifthisschemeyouandMr。
Hopehavebeentalkingaboutreallycomestoanything,weshallbeagooddealthrowntogether,yousee,andthenIexpectyou’llcallmeTommy——mostpeopledo。"
"You’veheardaboutthescheme?Mr。Hopehastoldyou?"
"Why,ofcourse,"repliedTommy。"I’mMr。Hope’sdevil。"
ForthemomentClodddoubtedwhetherhisoldfriendhadnotstartedarivalestablishmenttohisown。
"Ihelphiminhiswork,"Tommyrelievedhismindbyexplaining。
"Injournalisticcircleswecallitdevilling。"
"Iunderstand,"saidMr。Clodd。"Andwhatdoyouthink,Tommy,ofthescheme?ImayaswellstartcallingyouTommy,because,betweenyouandme,Ithinktheideawillcometosomething。"
Tommyfixedherblackeyesuponhim。Sheseemedtobelookinghimrightthrough。
"Youarestaringagain,Tommy,"Cloddremindedher。"You’llhavetroublebreakingyourselfofthathabit,Icansee。"
"Iwastryingtomakeupmymindaboutyou。Everythingdependsuponthebusinessman。"
"Gladtohearyousayso,"repliedtheself—satisfiedClodd。
"Ifyouareveryclever——Doyoumindcomingnearertothelamp?I
can’tquiteseeyouoverthere。"
Cloddnevercouldunderstandwhyhedidit——nevercouldunderstandwhy,fromfirsttolast,healwaysdidwhatTommywishedhimtodo;
hisonlyconsolationbeingthatotherfolksseemedjustashelpless。Heroseand,crossingthelongroom,stoodatattentionbeforethelargedesk,nervousness,towhichhewassomewhatofastranger,takingpossessionofhim。
"Youdon’tLOOKveryclever。"
Cloddexperiencedanothernewsensation——thatoffallinginhisownestimation。
"AndyetonecanseethatyouAREclever。"
ThemercuryofClodd’sconceitshotupwardtoapointthatinthecaseofanyonelessphysicallyrobustmighthavebeendangeroustohealth。
Cloddheldouthishand。"We’llpullitthrough,Tommy。TheGuv’norshallfindtheliterature;youandIwillmakeitgo。I
likeyou。"
AndPeterHope,enteringatthemoment,caughtasparkfromthelightthatshoneintheeyesofWilliamCloddandTommy,whoseothernamewasJane,as,grippinghands,theystoodwiththedeskbetweenthem,laughingtheyknewnotwhy。AndtheyearsfellfromoldPeter,and,againaboy,healsolaughedheknewnotwhy。Hehadsippedfromthewine—cupofyouth。
"It’sallsettled,Guv’nor!"criedClodd。"TommyandIhavefixedthingsup。We’llstartwiththeNewYear。"
"You’vegotthemoney?"
"I’mreckoningonit。Idon’tseeverywellhowIcanmissit。"
"Sufficient?"
"Justabout。Yougettowork。"
"I’vesavedalittle,"beganPeter。"Itoughttohavebeenmore,butsomehowitisn’t。"
"Perhapsweshallwantit,"Cloddreplied;"perhapsweshan’t。Youaresupplyingthebrains。"
Thethreeforafewmomentsremainedsilent。
"Ithink,Tommy,"saidPeter,"IthinkabottleoftheoldMadeira—
—"
"Notto—night,"saidClodd;"nexttime。"
"Todrinksuccess,"urgedPeter。
"Oneman’ssuccessgenerallymeanssomeotherpoordevil’smisfortune,"answeredClodd。
"Can’tbehelped,ofcourse,butdon’twanttothinkaboutitto—
night。Mustbegettingbacktomydormouse。Goodnight。"
Cloddshookhandsandbustledout。
"Ithoughtasmuch,"musedPeteraloud。
"Whatanoddmixturethemanis!Kind——noonecouldhavebeenkindertothepooroldfellow。Yetallthewhile——Weareanoddmixture,Tommy,"saidPeterHope,"anoddmixture,wemenandwomen。"Peterwasaphilosopher。
Thewhite—whiskeredolddormousesooncoughedhimselftosleepforever。
"Ishallwantyouandthemissistocometothefuneral,Gladman,"
saidMr。Clodd,asheswungintothestationer’sshop;"andbringPincerwithyou。I’mwritingtohim。"
"Don’tseewhatgoodwecando,"demurredGladman。
"Well,youthreearehisonlyrelatives;it’sonlydecentyoushouldbepresent,"urgedClodd。"Besides,there’sthewilltoberead。Youmaycaretohearit。"
Thedryoldlawstationeropenedwidehiswateryeyes。
"Hiswill!Why,whathadhegottoleave?Therewasnothingbuttheannuity。"
"Youturnupatthefuneral,"Cloddtoldhim,"andyou’lllearnallaboutit。Bonner’sclerkwillbethereandwillbringitwithhim。
Everythingisgoingtobedonecommeilfaut,astheFrenchsay。"
"Ioughttohaveknownofthis,"beganMr。Gladman。
"Gladtofindyoutakingsomuchinterestintheoldchap,"saidClodd。"Pityhe’sdeadandcan’tthankyou。"
"Iwarnyou,"shoutedoldGladman,whosevoicewasrisingtoascream,"hewasahelplessimbecile,incapableofactingforhimself!Ifanyundueinfluence——"
"SeeyouonFriday,"brokeinClodd,whowasbusy。
Friday’sceremonywasnotasociableaffair。Mrs。GladmanspokeoccasionallyinashrillwhispertoMr。Gladman,whorepliedwithgrunts。BothemployedtheremainderoftheirtimeinscowlingatClodd。Mr。Pincer,astout,heavygentlemanconnectedwiththeHouseofCommons,maintainedaministerialreserve。Theundertaker’sforemanexpressedhimselfasthankfulwhenitwasover。Hecriticiseditasthehumpiestfuneralhehadeverknown;
foratimehehadseriousthoughtsofchanginghisprofession。
Thesolicitor’sclerkwaswaitingforthepartyonitsreturnfromKensalGreen。Cloddagainofferedhospitality。Mr。Pincerthistimeallowedhimselfaglassofweakwhisky—and—water,andsippeditwithanairofdoingsowithoutprejudice。Theclerkhadonealittlestronger,Mrs。Gladman,dispensingwithconsultation,declinedshrillyforselfandpartner。Clodd,explainingthathealwaysfollowedlegalprecedent,mixedhimselfonealsoanddrank"Toournexthappymeeting。"Thentheclerkread。
Itwasashortandsimplewill,datedthepreviousAugust。Itappearedthattheoldgentleman,unknowntohisrelatives,haddiedpossessedofsharesinasilvermine,oncedespairedof,nowprospering。Takingthematpresentvalue,theywouldproduceasumwellovertwothousandpounds。Theoldgentlemanhadbequeathedfivehundredpoundstohisbrother—in—law,Mr。Gladman;fivehundredpoundstohisonlyotherlivingrelative,hisfirstcousin,Mr。Pincer;theresiduetohisfriend,WilliamClodd,asareturnforthemanykindnessesthatgentlemanhadshownhim。
Mr。Gladmanrose,moreamusedthanangry。
"Andyouthinkyouaregoingtopocketthatonethousandtotwelvehundredpounds。Youreallydo?"heaskedMr。Clodd,who,withlegsstretchedoutbeforehim,satwithhishandsdeepinhistrouserspockets。
"That’stheidea,"admittedMr。Clodd。
Mr。Gladmanlaughed,butwithoutmuchlighteningtheatmosphere。
"Uponmyword,Clodd,youamuseme——youquiteamuseme,"repeatedMr。Gladman。
"Youalwayshadasenseofhumour,"commentedMr。Clodd。
"Youvillain!Youdouble—dyedvillain!"screamedMr。Gladman,suddenlychanginghistone。"Youthinkthelawisgoingtoallowyoutoswindlehonestmen!Youthinkwearegoingtositstillforyoutorobus!Thatwill——"Mr。Gladmanpointedalankforefingerdramaticallytowardsthetable。
"Youmeantodisputeit?"inquiredMr。Clodd。
ForamomentMr。Gladmanstoodaghastattheother’scoolness,butsoonfoundhisvoiceagain。
"Disputeit!"heshrieked。"Doyoudisputethatyouinfluencedhim?——dictatedittohimwordforword,madethepooroldhelplessidiotsignit,heutterlyincapableofevenunderstanding——"
"Don’tchattersomuch,"interruptedMr。Clodd。"It’snotaprettyvoice,yours。WhatIaskedyouwas,doyouintendtodisputeit?"
"Ifyouwillkindlyexcuseus,"struckinMrs。Gladman,addressingMr。Cloddwithanairofmuchpoliteness,"weshalljusthavetime,ifwegonow,tocatchoursolicitorbeforeheleaveshisoffice。"
Mr。Gladmantookuphishatfromunderneathhischair。
"Onemoment,"suggestedMr。Clodd。"Ididinfluencehimtomakethatwill。Ifyoudon’tlikeit,there’sanendofit。"
"Ofcourse,"commencedMr。Gladmaninamollifiedtone。
"Sitdown,"suggestedMr。Clodd。"Let’stryanotherone。"Mr。
Cloddturnedtotheclerk。"Thepreviousone,Mr。Wright,ifyouplease;theonedatedJunethe10th。"
Anequallyshortandsimpledocument,itbequeathedthreehundredpoundstoMr。WilliamCloddinacknowledgmentofkindnessesreceived,theresiduetotheRoyalZoologicalSocietyofLondon,thedeceasedhavingbeenalwaysinterestedinandfondofanimals。
Therelatives,"Whohavenevershownmetheslightestaffectionorgiventhemselvestheslightesttroubleconcerningme,andwhohavealreadyreceivedconsiderablesumsoutofmyincome,"beingbynameexcluded。
"Imaymention,"observedMr。Clodd,nooneelseappearinginclinedtobreakthesilence,"thatinsuggestingtheRoyalZoologicalSocietytomypooroldfriendasafittingobjectforhisbenevolence,Ihadinmindaverysimilarcasethatoccurredfiveyearsago。Abequesttothemwasdisputedonthegroundsthatthetestatorwasofunsoundmind。TheyhadtotaketheircasetotheHouseofLordsbeforetheyfinallywonit。"
"Anyhow,"remarkedMr。Gladman,lickinghislips,whichweredry,"youwon’tgetanything,Mr。Clodd——no,notevenyourthree—hundredpounds,cleverasyouthinkyourself。Mybrother—in—law’smoneywillgotothelawyers。"
ThenMr。Pincerroseandspokeslowlyandclearly。"Iftheremustbealunaticconnectedwithourfamily,whichIdon’tseewhythereshouldbe,itseemstometobeyou,NathanielGladman。"
Mr。Gladmanstaredbackwithopenmouth。Mr。Pincerwentonimpressively。
"AsformypooroldcousinJoe,hehadhiseccentricities,butthatwasall。IforoneampreparedtoswearthathewasofsoundmindinAugustlastandquitecapableofmakinghisownwill。Itseemstomethattheotherthing,datedinJune,isjustwastepaper。"
Mr。Pincerhavingdeliveredhimself,satdownagain。Mr。Gladmanshowedsignsofreturninglanguage。
"Oh!what’stheuseofquarrelling?"chirpedincheeryMrs。
Gladman。"It’sfivehundredpoundsweneverexpected。LiveandletliveiswhatIalwayssay。"
"It’sthedamnedartfulnessofthething,"saidMr。Gladman,stillverywhiteaboutthegills。
"Oh,youhavealittlesomethingtothawyourface,"suggestedhiswife。
Mr。andMrs。Gladman,onthestrengthofthefivehundredpounds,wenthomeinacab。Mr。PincerstayedbehindandmadeanightofitwithMr。CloddandBonner’sclerk,atClodd’sexpense。
Theresidueworkedoutatelevenhundredandsixty—ninepoundsandafewshillings。Thecapitalofthenewcompany,"establishedforthepurposeofcarryingonthebusinessofnewspaperpublishersanddistributors,printers,advertisingagents,andanyothertradeandenterpriseaffiliatedtothesame,"wasonethousandpoundsinonepoundshares,fullypaidup;ofwhichWilliamClodd,Esquire,wasregisteredproprietoroffourhundredandsixty—three;PeterHope,M。A。,of16,GoughSquare,ofalsofourhundredandsixty—three;
MissJaneHope,adopteddaughterofsaidPeterHope(herrealnamenobody,herselfincluded,everhavingknown),andgenerallycalledTommy,ofthree,paidforbyherselfafterabattleroyalwithWilliamClodd;Mrs。Postwhistle,ofRollsCourt,often,presentedbythepromoter;Mr。Pincer,oftheHouseofCommons,alsooften(stillowingfor);Dr。Smith(neSchmidt)offifty;JamesDouglasAlexanderCalderMcTear(otherwisethe"WeeLaddie"),residingtheninMrs。Postwhistle’sfirstfloorfront,ofone,paidforbypoempublishedinthefirstnumber:"TheSongofthePen。"
Choosingatitleforthepapercostmuchthought。Driventodespair,theycalleditGoodHumour。
STORYTHETHIRD:GrindleyJuniordropsintothePositionofPublisherFewarethewaysoftheWestCentraldistrictthathavechangedlesswithinthelasthalf—centurythanNevill’sCourt,leadingfromGreatNewStreetintoFetterLane。Itsnorthsidestillconsistsofthesamequaintrowofsmalllowshopsthatstoodthere——doingperhapsalittlebriskerbusiness——whenGeorgetheFourthwasKing;
itssouthernsideofthesamethreesubstantialhouseseachbehindastripofgarden,pleasantbycontrastwithsurroundinggrimness,builtlongago——somesaybeforeQueenAnnewasdead。
Outofthelargestofthese,passingthroughthegarden,thenwellcaredfor,cameonesunnySundaymorning,somefifteenyearsbeforethecommencementproperofthisstory,oneSolomonAppleyard,pushinginfrontofhimaperambulator。Atthebrickwallsurmountedbywoodenrailingsthatdividesthegardenfromthecourt,Solomonpaused,hearingbehindhimthevoiceofMrs。
Appleyardspeakingfromthedoorstep。
"IfIdon’tseeyouagainuntildinner—time,I’lltryandgetonwithoutyou,understand。Don’tthinkofnothingbutyourpipeandforgetthechild。Andbecarefulofthecrossings。"
Mrs。Appleyardretiredintothedarkness。Solomon,steeringtheperambulatorcarefully,emergedfromNevill’sCourtwithoutaccident。ThequietstreetsdrewSolomonwestward。AvacantseatbeneaththeshadeoverlookingtheLongWaterinKensingtonGardensinvitedtorest。
"Piper?"suggestedasmallboytoSolomon。"SundayTimes,’Server?"
"Myboy,"saidMr。Appleyard,speakingslowly,"whenyou’vebeenmewedupwithnewspaperseighteenhoursadayforsixdaysaweek,youcandowithout’emforamorning。Take’emaway。Iwanttoforgetthesmellof’em。"
Solomon,havingassuredhimselfthatthepartyintheperambulatorwasstillbreathing,crossedhislegsandlithispipe。
"Hezekiah!"
TheexclamationhadbeenwrungfromSolomonAppleyardbytheapproachofastout,shortmancladinaremarkablyill—fittingbroad—clothsuit。
"What,Sol,myboy?"
"Itlookedlikeyou,"saidSolomon。"AndthenIsaidtomyself:
’No;surelyitcan’tbeHezekiah;he’llbeatchapel。’"
"Yourunabout,"saidHezekiah,addressingayouthofsomefoursummershehadbeenleadingbythehand。"Don’tyougooutofmysight;andwhateveryoudo,don’tyoudoinjurytothosenewclothesofyours,oryou’llwishyou’dneverbeenputintothem。
Thetruthis,"continuedHezekiahtohisfriend,hissolesurvivingsonandheirbeingoutofearshot,"themorningtemptedme。