Atlast，moregentleandsmilingthanever，shecamedownstairsandsaid，"Catherinedarling，hishonourtheCountismightyhungrythismorning，andvowshecouldpickthewingofafowl。Rundown，child，toFarmerBrigg’sandgetone：pluckitbeforeyoubringit，youknow，andwewillmakehisLordshipaprettybreakfast。"
　　Catherinetookupherbasket，andawayshewentbytheback—yard，throughthestables。Theresheheardthelittlehorse—boywhistlingandhissingafterthemannerofhorseboys；andthereshelearnedthatMrs。Scorehadbeeninventinganingeniousstorytohaveheroutoftheway。Theostlersaidhewasjustgoingtoleadthetwohorsesroundtothedoor。TheCorporalhadbeen，andtheywereabouttostartontheinstantforStratford。
　　ThefactwasthatCountGustavusAdolphus，farfromwishingtopickthewingofafowl，hadrisenwithahorrorandloathingforeverythingintheshapeoffood，andforanyliquorstrongerthansmallbeer。Ofthishehaddrunkacup，andsaidheshouldrideimmediatelytoStratford；andwhen，onorderinghishorses，hehadaskedpolitelyofthelandlady"whythed————SHEalwayscameup，andwhyshedidnotsendthegirl，"Mrs。ScoreinformedtheCountthatherCatherinewasgoneoutforawalkalongwiththeyoungmantowhomshewastobemarried，andwouldnotbevisiblethatday。
　　OnhearingthistheCaptainorderedhishorsesthatmoment，andabusedthewine，thebed，thehouse，thelandlady，andeverythingconnectedwiththe"BugleInn。"
　　Outthehorsescame：thelittleboysofthevillagegatheredround；
　　therecruits，withbunchesofribandsintheirbeavers，appearedpresently；CorporalBrockcameswaggeringout，and，slappingthepleasedblacksmithontheback，badehimmounthishorse；whiletheboyshurrah’d。ThentheCaptaincameout，gloomyandmajestic；tohimMr。Brockmadeamilitarysalute，whichclumsily，andwithmuchgrinning，therecruitsimitated。"Ishallwalkonwiththesebravefellows，yourhonour，andmeetyouatStratford，"saidtheCorporal。
　　"Good，"saidtheCaptain，ashemounted。Thelandladycurtseyed；
　　thechildrenhurrah’dmore；thelittlehorse—boy，whoheldthebridlewithonehandandthestirrupwiththeother，andexpectedacrown—piecefromsuchanoblegentleman，gotonlyakickandacurse，asCountvonGalgensteinshouted，"D—————youall，getoutoftheway！"andgallopedoff；andJohnHayes，whohadbeensneakingabouttheinnallthemorning，feltaweightoffhisheartwhenhesawtheCaptainrideoffalone。
　　OfoolishMrs。Score！OdoltofaJohnHayes！IfthelandladyhadallowedtheCaptainandthemaidtohavetheirway，andmeetbutforaminutebeforerecruits，sergeant，andall，itisprobablethatnoharmwouldhavebeendone，andthatthishistorywouldneverhavebeenwritten。
　　WhenCountvonGalgensteinhadriddenhalfamileontheStratfordroad，lookingasblackanddismalasNapoleongallopingfromtheromanticvillageofWaterloo，heespied，afewscoreyardsonwards，attheturnoftheroad，acertainobjectwhichcausedhimtocheckhishorsesuddenly，broughtatinglingredintohischeeks，andmadehishearttogothump——thump！againsthisside。Ayounglasswassaunteringslowlyalongthefootpath，withabasketswingingfromonehand，andabunchofhedge—flowersintheother。Shestoppedonceortwicetoaddafreshonetohernosegay，andmighthaveseenhim，theCaptainthought；butno，sheneverlookeddirectlytowardshim，andstillwalkedon。Sweetinnocent！shewassingingasifnonewerenear；hervoicewentsoaringuptotheclearsky，andtheCaptainputhishorseonthegrass，thatthesoundofthehoofsmightnotdisturbthemusic。
　　"Whenthekinehadgivenapailful，Andthesheepcamebleatinghome，Poll，whoknewitwouldbehealthful，Wenta—walkingoutwithTom。
　　Handinhand，sir，ontheland，sir，Astheywalkedtoandfro，TommadejollylovetoPolly，Butwasansweredno，no，no。"
　　TheCaptainhadputhishorseonthegrass，thatthesoundofhishoofsmightnotdisturbthemusic；andnowhepusheditsheadontothebank，wherestraightway"GeorgeofDenmark"beganchewingofsuchasaladasgrewthere。AndnowtheCaptainslidoffstealthily；andsmilingcomically，andhitchinguphisgreatjack—boots，andmovingforwardwithajerkingtiptoestep，he，justasshewastrillingthelasto—o—oofthelastnointheabovepoemofTomD’Urfey，cameuptoher，andtouchingherlightlyonthewaist，said，"Mydear，yourveryhumbleservant。"
　　Mrs。Catherine（youknowyouhavefoundheroutlongago！）gaveascreamandastart，andwouldhaveturnedpaleifshecould。Asitwas，sheonlyshookallover，andsaid，"Oh，sir，howyouDIDfrightenme！"
　　"Frightenyou，myrosebud！why，runmethrough，I’ddieratherthanfrightenyou。Gad，child，tellmenow，amIsoVERYfrightful？"
　　"Ohno，yourhonour，Ididn’tmeanthat；onlyIwasn’tthinkingtomeetyouhere，orthatyouwouldridesoearlyatall：for，ifyouplease，sir，IwasgoingtofetchachickenforyourLordship’sbreakfast，asmymistresssaidyouwouldlikeone；andIthought，insteadofgoingtoFarmerBrigg’s，downBirminghamway，asshetoldme，I’dgotoFarmerBird’s，wherethechickensisbetter，sir，——myLord，Imean。"
　　"SaidI’dlikeachickenforbreakfast，theoldcat！why，ItoldherIwouldnoteatamorseltosaveme——Iwassodru——ImeanIatesuchagoodsupperlastnight——andIbadehertosendmeapotofsmallbeer，andtotellyoutobringit；andthewretchsaidyouweregoneoutwithyoursweetheart——"
　　"What！JohnHayes，thecreature？Oh，whatanaughtystory—tellingwoman！"
　　"——Youhadwalkedoutwithyoursweetheart，andIwasnottoseeyouanymore；andIwasmadwithrage，andreadytokillmyself；Iwas，mydear。"
　　"Oh，sir！pray，PRAYdon’t。"
　　"Foryoursake，mysweetangel？"
　　"Yes，formysake，ifsuchapoorgirlasmecanpersuadenoblegentlemen。"
　　"Well，then，forYOURsake，Iwon’t；no，I’lllive；butwhylive？
　　Hellandfury，ifIdoliveI’mmiserablewithoutyou；Iam，——youknowIam，——youadorable，beautiful，cruel，wickedCatherine！"
　　Catherine’sreplytothiswas"La，blessme！Idobelieveyourhorseisrunningaway。"Andsohewas！forhavingfinishedhismealinthehedge，hefirstlookedtowardshismasterandpaused，asitwere，irresolutely；then，byasuddenimpulse，flinginguphistailandhishindlegs，hescampereddowntheroad。
　　Mrs。Hallranlightlyafterthehorse，andtheCaptainafterMrs。
　　Hall；andthehorseranquickerandquickereverymoment，andmighthaveledthemalongchase，——whenlo！debouchingfromatwistintheroad，camethedetachmentofcavalryandinfantryunderMr。Brock。
　　Themomenthewasoutofsightofthevillage，thatgentlemanhaddesiredtheblacksmithtodismount，andhadhimselfjumpedintothesaddle，maintainingthesubordinationofhisarmybydrawingapistolandswearingthathewouldblowoutthebrainsofanypersonwhoattemptedtorun。WhentheCaptain’shorsecamenearthedetachmenthepaused，andsufferedhimselftobecaughtbyTummasBullock，whoheldhimuntiltheownerandMrs。Catherinecameup。
　　Mr。Bullocklookedcomicallygravewhenhesawthepair；buttheCorporalgraciouslysalutedMrs。Catherine，andsaiditwasafinedayforwalking。
　　"La，sir，andsoitis，"saidshe，pantinginaveryprettyanddistressingway，"butnotforRUNNING。Idoprotest——ha！——andvowthatIreallycanscarcelystand。I’msotiredofrunningafterthatnaughtynaughtyhorse！"
　　"Howdo，Cattern？"saidThomas。"Zee，Ibegoingazouldieringbecausetheewouldn’thaveme。"AndhereMr。Bullockgrinned。Mrs。
　　Catherinemadenosortofreply，butprotestedoncemoresheshoulddieofrunning。Ifthetruthweretold，shewassomewhatvexedatthearrivaloftheCorporal’sdetachment，andhadhadveryseriousthoughtsoffindingherselfquitetiredjustashecameinsight。
　　AsuddenthoughtbroughtasmileofbrightsatisfactionintheCaptain’seyes。HemountedthehorsewhichTummasstillheld。
　　"TIRED，MrsCatherine，"saidhe，"andformysake？Byheavens！youshan’twalkastepfarther。No，youshallridebackwithaguardofhonour！Backtothevillage，gentlemen！——rightaboutface！Showthosefellows，Corporal，howtorightaboutface。Now，mydear，mountbehindmeonSnowball；he’seasyasasedan。Putyourdearlittlefootonthetoeofmyboot。Therenow，——up！——jump！hurrah！"
　　"THAT’Snottheway，Captain，"shoutedoutThomas，stillholdingontothereinasthehorsebegantomove。"Theewoan’tgoowithhim，willthee，Catty？"
　　ButMrs。Catherine，thoughsheturnedawayherhead，neverletgoherholdroundtheCaptain’swaist；andhe，swearingadreadfuloathatThomas，struckhimacrossthefaceandhandswithhisridingwhip。Thepoorfellow，whoatthefirstcutstillheldontotherein，droppeditatthesecond，andasthepairgallopedoff，satdownontheroadsideandfairlybegantoweep。
　　"MARCH，youdog！"shoutedouttheCorporalaminuteafter。Andsohedid：andwhennexthesawMrs。CatherinesheWAStheCaptain’sladysureenough，andworeagreyhat，withabluefeather，andredriding—coattrimmedwithsilverlace。ButThomaswasthenonabare—backedhorse，whichCorporalBrockwasflankingroundaring，andhewassooccupiedlookingbetweenhishorse’searsthathehadnotimetocrythen，andatlengthgotthebetterofhisattachment。
　　***
　　ThisbeingagoodopportunityforclosingChapterI，weought，perhaps，tomakesomeapologiestothepublicforintroducingthemtocharactersthataresoutterlyworthless；asweconfessallourheroes，withtheexceptionofMr。Bullock，tobe。Inthiswehaveconsultednatureandhistory，ratherthantheprevailingtasteandthegeneralmannerofauthors。Theamusingnovelof"ErnestMaltravers，"forinstance，openswithaseduction；butthenitisperformedbypeopleofthestrictestvirtueonbothsides：andthereissomuchreligionandphilosophyintheheartoftheseducer，somuchtenderinnocenceinthesouloftheseduced，that——
　　blessthelittledears！——theirverypeccadilloesmakeoneinterestedinthem；andtheirnaughtinessbecomesquitesacred，sodeliciouslyisitdescribed。Now，ifweAREtobeinterestedbyrascallyactions，letushavethemwithplainfaces，andletthembeperformed，notbyvirtuousphilosophers，butbyrascals。Anothercleverclassofnovelistsadoptthecontrarysystem，andcreateinterestbymakingtheirrascalsperformvirtuousactions。Againstthesepopularplansweheresolemnlyappeal。Wesay，letyourroguesinnovelsactlikerogues，andyourhonestmenlikehonestmen；don’tletushaveanyjugglingandthimble—riggingwithvirtueandvice，sothat，attheendofthreevolumes，thebewilderedreadershallnotknowwhichiswhich；don’tletusfindourselveskindlingatthegenerousqualitiesofthieves，andsympathisingwiththerascalitiesofnoblehearts。Forourownpart，weknowwhatthepubliclikes，andhavechosenroguesforourcharacters，andhavetakenastoryfromthe"NewgateCalendar，"whichwehopetofollowouttoedification。Amongtherogues，atleast，wewillhavenothingthatshallbemistakenforvirtues。AndiftheBritishpublic（aftercallingforthreeorfoureditions）shallgiveup，notonlyourrascals，buttherascalsofallotherauthors，weshallbecontent：——weshallapplytoGovernmentforapension，andthinkthatourdutyisdone。
　　CHAPTERII。INWHICHAREDEPICTEDTHEPLEASURESOFASENTIMENTAL
　　ATTACHMENT。
　　Itwillnotbenecessary，forthepurposeofthishistory，tofollowoutverycloselyalltheadventureswhichoccurredtoMrs。Catherinefromtheperiodwhenshequittedthe"Bugle"andbecametheCaptain’slady；foralthoughitwouldbejustaseasytoshowasnot，thattheyoungwoman，byfollowingthemanofherheart，hadonlyyieldedtoaninnocentimpulse，andbyremainingwithhimforacertainperiod，hadprovedthedepthandstrengthofheraffectionforhim，——althoughwemightmakeverytenderandeloquentapologiesfortheerrorofbothparties，thereadermightpossiblybedisgustedatsuchdescriptionsandsucharguments：which，besides，arealreadydonetohishandinthenovelof"ErnestMaltravers"
　　beforementioned。
　　Fromthegentleman’smannertowardsMrs。Catherine，andfromhisbrilliantandimmediatesuccess，thereaderwilldoubtlesshaveconcluded，inthefirstplace，thatGustavusAdolphushadnotaveryviolentaffectionforMrs。Cat；inthesecondplace，thathewasaprofessionallady—killer，andthereforelikelyatsomeperiodtoresumehisprofession；thirdly，andtoconclude，thataconnectionsobegun，must，inthenatureofthings，belikelytoendspeedily。
　　Andso，todotheCountjustice，itwould，ifhehadbeenallowedtofollowhisowninclinationentirely；for（asmanyyounggentlemenwill，andyetnopraisetothem）inaboutaweekhebegantobeindifferent，inamonthtobeweary，intwomonthstobeangry，inthreetoproceedtoblowsandcurses；and，inshort，torepentmostbitterlythehourwhenhehadeverbeeninducedtopresentMrs。
　　Catherinethetoeofhisboot，forthepurposeofliftingherontohishorse。
　　"Egad！"saidhetotheCorporaloneday，whenconfidinghisgriefstoMr。Brock，"Iwishmytoehadbeencutoffbeforeeveritservedasaladdertothislittlevixen。"
　　"Orperhapsyourhonourwouldwishtokickherdownstairswithit？"
　　delicatelysuggestedMr。Brock。
　　"Kickher！why，thewenchwouldholdsofastbythebanistersthatI
　　COULDnotkickherdown，Mr。Brock。Totellyouabitofasecret，IHAVEtriedasmuch——nottokickher——no，no，notkickher，certainly：that’sungentlemanly——buttoINDUCEhertogobacktothatcursedpot—housewherewefellinwithher。Ihavegivenhermanyhints——"
　　"Oh，yes，Isawyourhonourgiveheroneyesterday——withamugofbeer。Bythelaws，asthealerunalldownherface，andsheclutchedaknifetorunatyou，Idon’tthinkIeversawsuchashe—devil！Thatwomanwilldoforyourhonoursomeday，ifyouprovokeher。"
　　"DoforME？No，hangit，Mr。Brock，never！Sheloveseveryhairofmyhead，sir：sheworshipsme，Corporal。Egad，yes！sheworshipsme；andwouldmuchsoonerapplyaknifetoherownweasandthanscratchmylittlefinger！"
　　"Ithinkshedoes，"saidMr。Brock。
　　"I’msureofit，"saidtheCaptain。"Women，lookyou，arelikedogs，theyliketobeill—treated：theylikeit，sir；Iknowtheydo。IneverhadanythingtodowithawomaninmylifebutI
　　ill—treatedher，andshelikedmethebetter。"
　　"Mrs。HalloughttobeVERYfondofyouthen，sureenough！"saidMr。
　　Corporal。
　　"Veryfond；——ha，ha！Corporal，youwagyou——andsosheISveryfond。
　　Yesterday，aftertheknife—and—beerscene——nowonderIthrewtheliquorinherface：itwassodev’lishflatthatnogentlemancoulddrinkit：andItoldhernevertodrawittilldinner—time——"
　　"Oh，itwasenoughtoputanangelinafury！"saidBrock。
　　"Well，yesterday，aftertheknifebusiness，whenyouhadgotthecarveroutofherhand，offsheflingstoherbedroom，willnoteatabitofdinnerforsooth，andremainslockedupforacoupleofhours。Attwoo’clockafternoon（Iwasoveratankard），outcomesthelittleshe—devil，herfacepale，hereyesbleared，andthetipofhernoseasredasfirewithsnifflingandweeping。Makingformyhand，’Max，’saysshe，’willyouforgiveme？’’What！’saysI。
　　’Forgiveamurderess？’saysI。’No，curseme，never！’’Yourcrueltywillkillme，’sobbedshe。’Crueltybehanged！’saysI；
　　’didn’tyoudrawthatbeeranhourbeforedinner？’ShecouldsaynothingtoTHIS，youknow，andIsworethateverytimeshedidso，I
　　wouldflingitintoherfaceagain。Whereuponbacksheflouncedtoherchamber，wheresheweptandstormeduntilnight—time。"
　　"Whenyouforgaveher？"
　　"IDIDforgiveher，that’spositive。YouseeIhadsuppedatthe’Rose’alongwithTomTrippetandhalf—a—dozenprettyfellows；andI
　　hadeasedagreatfat—headedWarwickshirelandjunker——whatd’yecallhim？——squire，offortypieces；andI’mdev’lishgood—humouredwhenI’vewon，andsoCatandImadeitup：butI’vetaughthernevertobringmestalebeeragain——ha，ha！"
　　Thisconversationwillexplain，agreatdealbetterthananydescriptionofours，howevereloquent，thestateofthingsasbetweenCountMaximilianandMrs。Catherine，andthefeelingswhichtheyentertainedforeachother。Thewomanlovedhim，thatwasthefact。And，aswehaveshowninthepreviouschapterhowJohnHayes，amean—spiritedfellowaseverbreathed，inrespectofallotherpassionsapigmy，wasinthepassionofloveagiant，andfollowedMrs。Catherinewithafuriouslongingwhichmightseematthefirsttobeforeigntohisnature；inthelikemanner，andplayingatcross—purposes，Mrs。HallhadbecomesmittenoftheCaptain；and，ashesaidtruly，onlylikedhimthebetterforthebrutalitywhichshereceivedathishands。Foritismyopinion，madam，thatloveisabodilyinfirmity，fromwhichhumankindcannomoreescapethanfromsmall—pox；andwhichattackseveryoneofus，fromthefirstdukeinthePeeragedowntoJackKetchinclusive：whichhasnorespectforrank，virtue，orrogueryinman，butsetseachinhisturninafever；whichbreaksoutthedeuceknowshoworwhy，and，ragingitsappointedtime，fillseachindividualoftheonesexwithablindfuryandlongingforsomeoneoftheother（whomaybepure，gentle，blue—eyed，beautiful，andgood；orvile，shrewish，squinting，hunchbacked，andhideous，accordingtocircumstancesandluck）；
　　whichdiesaway，perhaps，inthenaturalcourse，iflefttohaveitsway，butwhichcontradictioncausestoragemorefuriouslythanever。Isnothistory，fromtheTrojanwarupwardsanddownwards，fullofinstancesofsuchstrangeinexplicablepassions？WasnotHelen，bythemostmoderatecalculation，ninetyyearsofagewhenshewentoffwithHisRoyalHighnessPrinceParisofTroy？WasnotMadameLaValliereill—made，blear—eyed，tallow—complexioned，scraggy，andwithhairliketow？WasnotWilkestheugliest，charmingest，mostsuccessfulmanintheworld？Suchinstancesmightbecarriedoutsoastofillavolume；butcuibono？Loveisfate，andnotwill；itsoriginnottobeexplained，itsprogressirresistible：andthebestproofofthismaybehadatBowStreetanyday，whereifyouaskanyofficeroftheestablishmenthowtheytakemostthieves，hewilltellyouatthehousesofthewomen。
　　Theymustseethedearcreaturesthoughtheyhangforit；theywilllove，thoughtheyhavetheirnecksinthehalter。Andwithregardtotheotherposition，thatill—usageonthepartofthemandoesnotdestroytheaffectionofthewoman，havewenotnumberlesspolice—reports，showinghow，whenabystanderwouldbeatahusbandforbeatinghiswife，manandwifefalltogetherontheinterloperandpunishhimforhismeddling？
　　Thesepoints，then，beingsettledtothesatisfactionofallparties，thereaderwillnotbedisposedtoquestiontheassertionthatMrs。HallhadarealaffectionforthegallantCount，andgrew，asMr。Brockwaspleasedtosay，likeabeefsteak，moretenderasshewasthumped。Poorthing，poorthing！hisflashyairsandsmartlookshadovercomeherinasinglehour；andnomoreiswantedtoplungeintoloveoverheadandears；nomoreiswantedtomakeafirstlovewith——andawoman’sfirstlovelastsFOREVER（aman’stwenty—fourthortwenty—fifthisperhapsthebest）：youcan’tkillit，dowhatyouwill；ittakesroot，andlivesandevengrows，nevermindwhatthesoilmaybeinwhichitisplanted，orthebitterweatheritmustbear——oftenasonehasseenawallflowergrow——outofastone。
　　Inthefirstweeksoftheirunion，theCounthadatleastbeenliberaltoher：shehadahorseandfineclothes，andreceivedabroadsomeofthoseflatteringattentionswhichsheheldatsuchhighprice。Hehad，however，someill—luckatplay，orhadbeenforcedtopaysomebills，orhadsomeothersatisfactoryreasonforbeingpoor，andhisestablishmentwasveryspeedilydiminished。Hearguedthat，asMrs。Catherinehadbeenaccustomedtowaitonothersallherlife，shemightnowwaituponherselfandhim；andwhentheincidentofthebeerarose，shehadbeenforsometimeemployedastheCount’shousekeeper，withunlimitedsuperintendenceoverhiscomfort，hiscellar，hislinen，andsuchmattersasbachelorsaredelightedtomakeovertoactivefemalehands。Todothepoorwretchjustice，sheactuallykepttheman’smenageinthebestorder；norwasthereanypointofextravagancewithwhichshecouldbecharged，exceptalittleextravaganceofdressdisplayedontheveryfewoccasionswhenhecondescendedtowalkabroadwithher，andextravaganceoflanguageandpassioninthefrequentquarrelstheyhadtogether。Perhapsinsuchaconnectionassubsistedbetweenthispreciouscouple，thesefaultsareinevitableonthepartofthewoman。Shemustbesillyandvain，andwillprettysurelythereforebefondofdress；andshemust，disguiseitasshewill，beperpetuallymiserableandbroodingoverherfall，whichwillcausehertobeviolentandquarrelsome。
　　Such，atleast，wasMrs。Hall；andveryearlydidthepoorvainmisguidedwretchbegintoreapwhatshehadsown。
　　Foraman，remorseunderthesecircumstancesisperhapsuncommon。
　　NostigmaaffixesonHIMforbetrayingawoman；nobitterpangsofmortifiedvanity；noinsultinglooksofsuperiorityfromhisneighbour，andnosentenceofcontemptuousbanishmentisreadagainsthim；theseallfallonthetempted，andnotonthetempter，whoispermittedtogofree。Thechiefthingthatamanlearnsafterhavingsuccessfullypractisedonawomanistodespisethepoorwretchwhomhehaswon。Thegame，infact，andtheglory，suchasitis，isallhis，andthepunishmentalonefallsuponher。
　　Considerthis，ladies，whencharmingyounggentlemencometowooyouwithsoftspeeches。Youhavenothingtowin，exceptwretchedness，andscorn，anddesertion。Considerthis，andbethankfultoyourSolomonsfortellingit。
　　Itcametopass，then，thattheCounthadcometohaveaperfectcontemptandindifferenceforMrs。Hall；——howshouldhenotforayoungpersonwhohadgivenherselfuptohimsoeasily？——andwouldhavebeenquitegladofanyopportunityofpartingwithher。Buttherewasacertainlingeringshameabouttheman，whichpreventedhimfromsayingatonceandabruptly，"Go！"andthepoorthingdidnotchoosetotakesuchhintsasfelloutinthecourseoftheirconversationandquarrels。Andsotheykeptontogether，hetreatingherwithsimpleinsult，andshehangingondesperately，bywhateverfeebletwigshecouldfind，totherockbeyondwhichallwasnaught，ordeath，toher。
　　Well，afterthenightwithTomTrippetandtheprettyfellowsatthe"Rose，"towhichwehaveheardtheCountalludeintheconversationjustrecorded，Fortunesmiledonhimagooddeal；fortheWarwickshiresquire，whohadlostfortypiecesonthatoccasion，insistedonhavinghisrevengethenightafter；when，strangetosay，ahundredandfiftymorefoundtheirwayintothepouchofhisExcellencytheCount。Suchasumasthisquitesettheyoungnoblemanafloatagain，andbroughtbackapleasingequanimitytohismind，whichhadbeenagooddealdisturbedintheformerdifficultcircumstances；andinthis，foralittleandtoacertainextent，poorCathadthehappinesstoshare。Hedidnotalterthestyleofhisestablishment，whichconsisted，asbefore，ofherselfandasmallpersonwhoactedasscourer，kitchen—wench，andscullion；Mrs。
　　Catherinealwaysputtingherhandtotheprincipalpiecesofthedinner；buthetreatedhismistresswithtolerablegood—humour；or，tospeakmorecorrectly，withsuchbearablebrutalityasmightbeexpectedfromamanlikehimtoawomaninhercondition。Besides，acertaineventwasabouttotakeplace，whichnotunusuallyoccursincircumstancesofthisnature，andMrs。Catherinewasexpectingsoontoliein。
　　TheCaptain，distrustingnaturallythestrengthofhisownpaternalfeelings，hadkindlyendeavouredtoprovideaparentforthecominginfant；andtothisendhadopenedanegotiationwithourfriendMr。
　　ThomasBullock，declaringthatMrs。Catshouldhaveafortuneoftwentyguineas，andremindingTummasofhisancientflameforher：
　　butMr。Tummas，whenthispropositionwasmadetohim，declinedit，withmanyoaths，andvowedthathewasperfectlysatisfiedwithhispresentbachelorcondition。Inthisdilemma，Mr。Brocksteppedforward，whodeclaredhimselfveryreadytoacceptMrs。Catherineandherfortune：andmightpossiblyhavebecomethepossessorofboth，hadnotMrs。Cat，themomentsheheardoftheproposedarrangement，withfireinhereyes，andrage——oh，howbitter！——inherheart，preventedthesuccessofthemeasurebyproceedingincontinentlytothefirstjusticeofthepeace，andthereswearingbeforehisworshipwhowasthefatherofthecomingchild。
　　Thisproceeding，whichshehadexpectedwouldcausenotalittleindignationonthepartofherlordandmaster，wasreceivedbyhim，strangelyenough，withconsiderablegood—humour：hesworethatthewenchhadservedhimagoodtrick，andwasratheramusedattheanger，theoutbreakoffiercerageandcontumely，andthewretchedwretchedtearsofheartsickdesperation，whichfollowedherannouncementofthissteptohim。ForMr。Brock，sherepelledhisofferwithscornandloathing，andtreatedthenotionofaunionwithMr。Bullockwithyetfiercercontempt。Marryhimindeed！aworkhousepaupercarryingabrown—bess！Shewouldhavediedsooner，shesaid，orrobbedonthehighway。Andso，todoherjustice，shewould：forthelittleminxwasoneofthevainestcreaturesinexistence，andvanity（asIpresumeeverybodyknows）becomesTHE
　　principleincertainwomen’shearts——theirmoralspectacles，theirconscience，theirmeatanddrink，theironlyruleofrightandwrong。
　　AsforMr。Tummas，he，aswehaveseen，wasquiteunfriendlytothepropositionasshecouldbe；andtheCorporal，withagooddealofcomicalgravity，vowedthat，ashecouldnotbesatisfiedinhisdearestwishes，hewouldtaketodrinkingforaconsolation：whichhestraightwaydid。
　　"Come，Tummas，"saidhetoMr。Bullock"sinceweCAN’Thavethegirlofourhearts，why，hangit，Tummas，let’sdrinkherhealth！"TowhichBullockhadnoobjection。AndsostronglydidthedisappointmentweighuponhonestCorporalBrock，thatevenwhen，afterunheard—ofquantitiesofbeer，hecouldscarcelyutteraword，hewasseenabsolutelytoweep，and，inaccentsalmostunintelligible，tocursehisconfoundedill—luckatbeingdeprived，notofawife，butofachild：hewantedoneso，hesaid，tocomforthiminhisoldage。
　　ThetimeofMrs。Catherine’scouchedrewnear，arrived，andwasgonethroughsafely。Shepresentedtotheworldachoppingboy，whomightuse，ifheliked，theGalgensteinarmswithabar—sinister；
　　andinhernewcaresanddutieshadnotsomanyopportunitiesasusualofquarrellingwiththeCount：who，perhaps，respectedhersituation，or，atleast，wassoproperlyawareofthenecessityofquiettoher，thatheabsentedhimselffromhomemorning，noon，andnight。
　　TheCaptainhad，itmustbeconfessed，turnedthesecontinuedabsencestoaconsiderableworldlyprofit，forheplayedincessantly；and，sincehisfirstvictoryovertheWarwickshireSquire，Fortunehadbeensofavourabletohim，thathehadatvariousintervalsamassedasumofnearlyathousandpounds，whichheusedtobringhomeashewon；andwhichhedepositedinastrongironchest，cunninglyscreweddownbyhimselfunderhisownbed。
　　ThisMrs。Catherineregularlymade，andthetreasureunderneathitcouldbenosecrettoher。However，thenobleCountkeptthekey，andboundherbymanysolemnoaths（thathedischargedatherhimself）nottorevealtoanyotherpersontheexistenceofthechestanditscontents。
　　Butitisnotinawoman’snaturetokeepsuchsecrets；andtheCaptain，wholeftherfordaysanddays，didnotreflectthatshewouldseekforconfidantselsewhere。Forwantofafemalecompanion，shewascompelledtobestowhersympathiesuponMr。
　　Brock；who，astheCount’scorporal，wasmuchinhislodgings，andwhodidmanagetosurvivethedisappointmentwhichhehadexperiencedbyMrs。Catherine’srefusalofhim。
　　Abouttwomonthsaftertheinfant’sbirth，theCaptain，whowasannoyedbyitssqualling，putitabroadtonurse，anddismisseditsattendant。Mrs。Catherinenowresumedherhouseholdduties，andwas，asbefore，atoncemistressandservantoftheestablishment。
　　Assuch，shehadthekeysofthebeer，andwasprettysureoftheattentionsoftheCorporal；whobecame，aswehavesaid，intheCount’sabsence，hislady’schieffriendandcompanion。Afterthemannerofladies，sheveryspeedilyconfidedtohimallherdomesticsecrets；thecausesofherformerdiscontent；theCount’sill—
　　treatmentofher；thewickednameshecalledher；thepricesthatallhergownshadcosther；howhebeather；howmuchmoneyhewonandlostatplay；howshehadoncepawnedacoatforhim；howhehadfournewones，laced，andpaidfor；whatwasthebestwayofcleaningandkeepinggold—lace，ofmakingcherry—brandy，picklingsalmon，etc。，etc。Herconfidencesuponallthesesubjectsusedtofolloweachotherinrapidsuccession；andMr。Brockbecame，erelong，quiteaswellacquaintedwiththeCaptain’shistoryforthelastyearastheCounthimself：——forhewascareless，andforgotthings；womenneverdo。Theychronicleallthelover’ssmallactions，hiswords，hisheadaches，thedresseshehasworn，thethingshehaslikedfordinneroncertaindays；——allwhichcircumstancescommonlyareexpungedfromthemalebrainimmediatelyaftertheyhaveoccurred，butremainfixedwiththefemale。
　　ToBrock，then，andtoBrockonly（forsheknewnoothersoul），Mrs。
　　Catbreathed，instrictestconfidence，thehistoryoftheCount’swinnings，andhiswayofdisposingofthem；howhekepthismoneyscreweddowninanironchestintheirroom；andaveryluckyfellowdidBrockconsiderhisofficerforhavingsuchalargesum。HeandCatlookedatthechest：itwassmall，butmightystrong，sureenough，andwoulddefypicklocksandthieves。Well，ifanymandeservedmoney，theCaptaindid（"thoughhemightbuymeafewyardsofthatlaceIloveso，"interruptedCat），——ifanymandeservedmoney，hedid，forhespentitlikeaprince，andhishandwasalwaysinhispocket。
　　ItmustnowbestatedthatMonsieurdeGalgensteinhad，duringCat’sseclusion，casthiseyesuponayoungladyofgoodfortune，whofrequentedtheAssemblyatBirmingham，andwhowasnotalittlesmittenbyhistitleandperson。The"fournewcoats，laced，andpaidfor，"asCatsaid，hadbeenpurchased，mostprobably，byhisExcellencyforthepurposeofdazzlingtheheiress；andheandthecoatshadsucceededsofarastowinfromtheyoungwomananactualprofessionoflove，andapromiseofmarriageprovidedPawouldconsent。Thiswasobtained，——forPawasatradesman；andIsupposeeveryoneofmyreadershasremarkedhowgreataneffectatitlehasonthelowerclasses。Yes，thankHeaven！thereisaboutafreebornBritonacringingbaseness，andlickspittleaweofrank，whichdoesnotexistunderanytyrannyinEurope，andisonlytobefoundhereandinAmerica。
　　AllthesenegotiationshadbeengoingonquiteunknowntoCat；and，astheCaptainhaddetermined，beforetwomonthswereout，toflingthatyoungwomanonthepave，hewaskindtoherinthemeanwhile：
　　peoplealwaysarewhentheyareswindlingyou，ormeditatinganinjuryagainstyou。
　　ThepoorgirlhadmuchtoohighanopinionofherowncharmstosuspectthattheCountcouldbeunfaithfultothem，andhadnonotionoftheplotthatwasformedagainsther。ButMr。Brockhad：
　　forhehadseenmanytimesagiltcoachwithapairoffatwhitehorsesamblingintheneighbourhoodofthetown，andtheCaptainonhisblacksteedcaracollingmajesticallybyitsside；andhehadremarkedafat，pudgy，pale—hairedwomantreadingheavilydownthestairsoftheAssembly，leaningontheCaptain’sarm：alltheseMr。
　　Brockhadseen，notwithoutreflection。Indeed，theCountoneday，ingreatgood—humour，hadslappedhimontheshoulderandtoldhimthathewasaboutspeedilytopurchasearegiment；when，byhisgreatgods，Mr。Brockshouldhaveapairofcolours。PerhapsthispromiseoccasionedhissilencetoMrs。Catherinehitherto；perhapsheneverwouldhavepeachedatall；andperhaps，therefore，thishistorywouldneverhavebeenwritten，butforasmallcircumstancewhichoccurredatthisperiod。
　　"WhatcanyouwantwiththatdrunkenoldCorporalalwaysaboutyourquarters？"saidMr。TrippettotheCountoneday，astheysatovertheirwine，inthemidstofamerrycompany，attheCaptain’srooms。
　　"What！"saidhe。"OldBrock？Theoldthiefhasbeenmoreusefultomethanmanyabetterman。Heisasbraveinarowasalion，ascunninginintrigueasafox；hecannoseadunataninconceivabledistance，andscentoutaprettywomanbeshebehindeversomanystonewalls。Ifagentlemanwantsagoodrascalnow，Icanrecommendhim。Iamgoingtoreform，youknow，andmustturnhimoutofmyservice。"
　　"AndprettyMrs。Cat？"
　　"Oh，curseprettyMrs。Cat！shemaygotoo。"
　　"Andthebrat？"
　　"Why，youhaveparishes，andwhatnot，hereinEngland。Egad！ifagentlemanwerecalledupontokeepallhischildren，therewouldbenoliving：no，stapmyvitals！Croesuscouldn’tstandit。"
　　"No，indeed，"saidMr。Trippet："youareright；andwhenagentlemanmarries，heisboundinhonourtogiveupsuchlowconnectionsasareusefulwhenheisabachelor。"
　　"Ofcourse；andgivethemupIwill，whenthesweetMrs。Drippingismine。Asforthegirl，youcanhaveher，TomTrippet，ifyoutakeafancytoher；andasfortheCorporal，hemaybehandedovertomysuccessorinCutts’s：——forIwillhavearegimenttomyself，that’spoz；andtotakewithmesuchaswindling，pimping，thieving，brandy—facedrascalasthisBrockwillneverdo。Egad！he’sadisgracetotheservice。Asitis，I’veoftenamindtohavethesuperannuatedvagabonddrummedoutofthecorps。"
　　AlthoughthisresumeofMr。Brock’scharacterandaccomplishmentswasveryjust，itcameperhapswithanillgracefromCountGustavusAdolphusMaximilian，whohadprofitedbyallhisqualities，andwhocertainlywouldneverhavegiventhisopinionofthemhadheknownthatthedoorofhisdining—parlourwasopen，andthatthegallantCorporal，whowasinthepassage，couldheareverysyllablethatfellfromthelipsofhiscommandingofficer。Weshallnotsay，afterthefashionofthestory—books，thatMr。Brocklistenedwithaflashingeyeandadistendednostril；thathischestheavedtumultuously，andthathishandfelldownmechanicallytohisside，whereitplayedwiththebrasshandleofhissword。Mr。KeanwouldhavegonethroughmostofthesebodilyexerciseshadhebeenactingthepartofavillainenragedanddisappointedlikeCorporalBrock；
　　butthatgentlemanwalkedawaywithoutanygesturesofanykind，andasgentlyaspossible。"He’llturnmeoutoftheregiment，willhe？"sayshe，quitepiano；andthenadded（conmoltaespressione），"I’lldoforhim。"
　　Anditistoberemarkedhowgenerally，incasesofthisnature，gentlemensticktotheirword。
　　CHAPTERIII。INWHICHANARCOTICISADMINISTERED，ANDAGREATDEAL
　　OFGENTEELSOCIETYDEPICTED。
　　WhentheCorporal，whohadretreatedtothestreet—doorimmediatelyonhearingtheaboveconversation，returnedtotheCaptain’slodgingsandpaidhisrespectstoMrs。Catherine，hefoundthatladyinhighgood—humour。TheCounthadbeenwithher，shesaid，alongwithafriendofhis，Mr。Trippet；hadpromisedhertwelveyardsofthelaceshecovetedsomuch；hadvowedthatthechildshouldhaveasmuchmoreforacloak；andhadnotleftheruntilhehadsatwithherforanhour，ormore，overabowlofpunch，whichhemadeonpurposeforher。Mr。Trippetstayedtoo。"Amightypleasantman，"
　　saidshe；"onlynotverywise，andseeminglyagooddealinliquor。"
　　"Agooddealindeed！"saidtheCorporal。"Hewassotipsyjustnowthathecouldhardlystand。HeandhishonourweretalkingtoNanFantailinthemarket—place；andshepulledTrippet’swigoff，forwantingtokissher。"
　　"Thenastyfellow！"saidMrs。Cat，"todemeanhimselfwithsuchlowpeopleasNanFantail，indeed！Why，uponmyconsciencenow，Corporal，itwasbutanhouragothatMr。Trippetsworeheneversawsuchapairofeyesasmine，andwouldliketocuttheCaptain’sthroatfortheloveofme。NanFantail，indeed！"
　　"Nan’sanhonestgirl，MadamCatherine，andwasagreatfavouriteoftheCaptain’sbeforesomeoneelsecameinhisway。Noonecansayawordagainsther——notaword。"
　　"Andpray，Corporal，whoeverdid？"saidMrs。Cat，ratheroffended。
　　"Anasty，uglyslut！Iwonderwhatthemencanseeinher？"
　　"Shehasgotasmartwaywithher，sureenough；it’swhatamusesthemen，and——"
　　"Andwhat？Youdon’tmeantosaythatmyMaxisfondofherNOW？"
　　saidMrs。Catherine，lookingveryfierce。
　　"Oh，no；notatall：notofHER；——thatis——"
　　"NotofHER！"screamedshe。"Ofwhom，then？"
　　"Oh，psha！nonsense！Ofyou，mydear，tobesure；whoelseshouldhecarefor？And，besides，whatbusinessisitofmine？"AndherewiththeCorporalbeganwhistling，asifhewouldhavenomoreoftheconversation。ButMrs。Catwasnottobesatisfied，——notshe，——andcarriedonhercross—questions。
　　"Why，lookyou，"saidtheCorporal，afterparryingmanyofthese，——"Why，lookyou，I’manoldfool，Catherine，andImustblab。
　　ThatmanhasbeenthebestfriendIeverhad，andsoIwasquiet；
　　butIcan’tkeepitinanylonger，——no，hangmeifIcan！It’smybeliefhe’sactinglikearascalbyyou：hedeceivesyou，Catherine；he’sascoundrel，Mrs。Hall，that’sthetruthon’t。"
　　Catherineprayedhimtotellallheknew；andheresumed。
　　"Hewantsyouoffhishands；he’ssickofyou，andsobroughtherethatfoolTomTrippet，whohastakenafancytoyou。Hehasnotthecouragetoturnyououtofdoorslikeaman；thoughindoorshecantreatyoulikeabeast。ButI’lltellyouwhathe’lldo。InamonthhewillgotoCoventry，orpretendtogothere，onrecruitingbusiness。Nosuchthing，Mrs。Hall；he’sgoingonMARRIAGE
　　business；andhe’llleaveyouwithoutafarthing，tostarveortorot，forhim。It’sallarranged，Itellyou：inamonth，youaretobestarvedintobecomingTomTrippet’smistress；andhishonouristomarryrichMissDripping，thetwenty—thousand—pounderfromLondon；andtopurchasearegiment；——andtogetoldBrockdrummedoutofCutts’stoo，"saidtheCorporal，underhisbreath。Buthemighthavespokenout，ifhechose；forthepooryoungwomanhadsunkonthegroundinarealhonestfit。
　　"IthoughtIshouldgiveither，"saidMr。Brockasheprocuredaglassofwater；and，liftingherontoasofa，sprinkledthesameoverher。"Hangit！howprettysheis。"
　　***
　　WhenMrs。Catherinecametoherselfagain，Brock’stonewithherwaskind，andalmostfeeling。Nordidthepoorwenchherselfindulgeinanysubsequentshiveringsandhysterics，suchasusuallyfollowthefainting—fitsofpersonsofhigherdegree。Shepressedhimforfurtherexplanations，whichhegave，andtowhichshelistenedwithagreatdealofcalmness；nordidmanytears，sobs，sighs，orexclamationsofsorroworangerescapefromher：onlywhentheCorporalwastakinghisleave，andsaidtoherpoint—blank，——"Well，Mrs。Catherine，andwhatdoyouintendtodo？"shedidnotreplyaword；butgavealookwhichmadehimexclaim，onleavingtheroom，——
　　"Byheavens！thewomanmeansmurder！IwouldnotbetheHolofernestoliebythesideofsuchaJudithasthat——notI！"Andhewenthisway，immersedindeepthought。WhentheCaptainreturnedatnight，shedidnotspeaktohim；andwhenhesworeatherforbeingsulky，sheonlysaidshehadaheadache，andwasdreadfullyill；
　　withwhichexcuseGustavusAdolphusseemedsatisfied，andlefthertoherself。
　　Hesawherthenextmorningforamoment：hewasgoinga—shooting。
　　Catherinehadnofriend，asisusualintragediesandromances，——nomysterioussorceressofheracquaintancetowhomshecouldapplyforpoison，——soshewentsimplytotheapothecaries，pretendingateachthatshehadadreadfultoothache，andprocuringfromthemasmuchlaudanumasshethoughtwouldsuitherpurpose。
　　Whenshewenthomeagainsheseemedalmostgay。Mr。Brockcomplimentedheruponthealterationinherappearance；andshewasenabledtoreceivetheCaptainathisreturnfromshootinginsuchamannerasmadehimremarkthatshehadgotridofhersulksofthemorning，andmightsupwiththem，ifshechosetokeephergood—
　　humour。Thesupperwasgotready，andthegentlemenhadthepunch—bowlwhentheclothwascleared，——Mrs。Catherine，withherdelicatehands，preparingtheliquor。
　　Itisuselesstodescribetheconversationthattookplace，ortoreckonthenumberofbowlsthatwereemptied；ortotellhowMr。
　　Trippet，whowasoneoftheguests，anddeclinedtoplayatcardswhensomeoftheothersbegan，chosetoremainbyMrs。Catherine’sside，andmakeviolentlovetoher。Allthismightbetold，andtheaccount，howeverfaithful，wouldnotbeverypleasing。No，indeed！
　　Andhere，thoughweareonlyinthethirdchapterofthishistory，wefeelalmostsickofthecharactersthatappearinit，andtheadventureswhichtheyarecalledupontogothrough。Buthowcanwehelpourselves？Thepublicwillhearofnothingbutrogues；andtheonlywayinwhichpoorauthors，whomustlive，canacthonestlybythepublicandthemselves，istopaintsuchthievesastheyare：
　　not，dandy，poetical，rose—waterthieves；butrealdownrightscoundrels，leadingscoundrellylives，drunken，profligate，dissolute，low；asscoundrelswillbe。Theydon’tquotePlato，likeEugeneAram；orlivelikegentlemen，andsingthepleasantestballadsintheworld，likejollyDickTurpin；orprateeternallyabout"tokalon，"*likethatpreciouscantingMaltravers，whomweallofushavereadaboutandpitied；ordiewhitewashedsaints，likepoor"BissDadsy"in"OliverTwist。"No，mydearmadam，youandyourdaughtershavenorighttoadmireandsympathisewithanysuchpersons，fictitiousorreal：yououghttobemadecordiallytodetest，scorn，loathe，abhor，andabominateallpeopleofthiskidney。Menofgeniuslikethosewhoseworkswehaveabovealludedto，havenobusinesstomakethesecharactersinterestingoragreeable；tobefeedingyourmorbidfancies，orindulgingtheirown，withsuchmonstrousfood。Forourparts，youngladies，webegyoutobottleupyourtears，andnotwasteasingledropofthemonanyoneoftheheroesorheroinesinthishistory：theyareallrascals，everysoulofthem，andbehave"assich。"Keepyoursympathyforthosewhodeserveit：don’tcarryit，forpreference，totheOldBailey，andgrowmaudlinoverthecompanyassembledthere。
　　*Anglicisedversionoftheauthor’soriginalGreektext。
　　Just，then，havethekindnesstofancythattheconversationwhichtookplaceoverthebowlsofpunchwhichMrs。Catherineprepared，wassuchasmightbeexpectedtotakeplacewherethehostwasadissolute，dare—devil，libertinecaptainofdragoons，theguestsforthemostpartofthesameclass，andthehostessayoungwomanoriginallyfromacountryalehouse，andforthepresentmistresstotheentertainerofthesociety。Theytalked，andtheydrank，andtheygrewtipsy；andverylittleworthhearingoccurredduringthecourseofthewholeevening。Mr。Brockofficiated，halfastheservant，halfasthecompanionofthesociety。Mr。ThomasTrippetmadeviolentlovetoMrs。Catherine，whileherlordandmasterwasplayingatdicewiththeothergentlemen：andonthisnight，strangetosay，theCaptain’sfortuneseemedtodeserthim。TheWarwickshireSquire，fromwhomhehadwonsomuch，hadanamazingrunofgoodluck。TheCaptaincalledperpetuallyformoredrink，andhigherstakes，andlostalmosteverythrow。Threehundred，fourhundred，sixhundred——allhiswinningsofthepreviousmonthswereswallowedupinthecourseofafewhours。TheCorporallookedon；
　　and，todohimjustice，seemedverygraveas，sumbysum，theSquirescoreddowntheCount’slossesonthepaperbeforehim。
　　Mostofthecompanyhadtakentheirhatsandstaggeredoff。TheSquireandMr。Trippetweretheonlytwothatremained，thelatterstilllingeringbyMrs。Catherine’ssofaandtable；andasshe，aswehavestated，hadbeenemployedalltheeveninginmixingtheliquorforthegamesters，hewasattheheadquartersofloveanddrink，andhadswallowedsomuchofeachashardlytobeabletospeak。
　　Thedicewentrattlingon；thecandleswereburningdim，withgreatlongwicks。Mr。TrippetcouldhardlyseetheCaptain，andthought，asfarashismuzzyreasonwouldlethim，thattheCaptaincouldnotseehim：soherosefromhischairaswellashecould，andfelldownonMrs。Catherine’ssofa。Hiseyeswerefixed，hisfacewaspale，hisjawhungdown；andheflungouthisarmsandsaid，inamaudlinvoice，"Oh，youbyoo—oo—oo—tifileCathrine，Imusthaveakick—kick—iss。"
　　"Beast！"saidMrs。Catherine，andpushedhimaway。Thedrunkenwretchfelloffthesofa，andontothefloor，wherehestayed；and，aftersnortingoutsomeunintelligiblesounds，wenttosleep。
　　Thedicewentrattlingon；thecandleswereburningdim，withgreatlongwicks。
　　"Seven’sthemain，"criedtheCount。"Four。Threetotwoagainstthecaster。"
　　"Ponies，"saidtheWarwickshireSquire。
　　Rattle，rattle，rattle，rattle，clatter，NINE。Clap，clap，clap，clap，ELEVEN。Clutter，clutter，clutter，clutter："Sevenitis，"
　　saystheWarwickshireSquire。"Thatmakeseighthundred，Count。"
　　"Onethrowfortwohundred，"saidtheCount。"Butstop！Cat，giveussomemorepunch。"
　　Mrs。Catcameforward；shelookedalittlepale，andherhandtrembledsomewhat。"Hereisthepunch，Max，"saidshe。Itwassteaminghot，inalargeglass。"Don’tdrinkitall，"saidshe；
　　"leavemesome。"
　　"Howdarkitis！"saidtheCount，eyeingit。
　　"It’sthebrandy，"saidCat。
　　"Well，heregoes！Squire，curseyou！here’syourhealth，andbadlucktoyou！"andhegulpedoffmorethanhalftheliquoratadraught。Butpresentlyheputdowntheglassandcried，"Whatinfernalpoisonisthis，Cat？"
　　"Poison！"saidshe。"It’snopoison。Givemetheglass。"AndshepledgedMax，anddrankalittleofit。"’Tisgoodpunch，Max，andofmybrewing；Idon’tthinkyouwillevergetanybetter。"Andshewentbacktothesofaagain，andsatdown，andlookedattheplayers。
　　Mr。Brocklookedatherwhitefaceandfixedeyeswithagrimkindofcuriosity。TheCountsputtered，andcursedthehorridtasteofthepunchstill；buthepresentlytookthebox，andmadehisthreatenedthrow。
　　Asbefore，theSquirebeathim；andhavingbookedhiswinnings，rosefromtableaswellashemightandbesoughttoleadhimdownstairs；
　　whichMr。Brockdid。
　　LiquorhadevidentlystupefiedtheCount：hesatwithhisheadbetweenhishands，mutteringwildlyaboutill—luck，seven’sthemain，badpunch，andsoon。Thestreet—doorbangedto；andthestepsofBrockandtheSquirewereheard，untiltheycouldbeheardnomore。
　　"Max，"saidshe；buthedidnotanswer。"Max，"saidsheagain，layingherhandonhisshoulder。
　　"Curseyou，"saidthatgentleman，"keepoff，anddon’tbelayingyourpawsuponme。Gotobed，youjade，orto——，forwhatIcare；
　　andgivemefirstsomemorepunch——agallonmorepunch，doyouhear？"
　　Thegentleman，bythecursesatthecommencementofthislittlespeech，andtherequestcontainedattheendofit，showedthathislossesvexedhim，andthathewasanxioustoforgetthemtemporarily。
　　"Oh，Max！"whimperedMrs。Cat，"you——don’t——wantanymorepunch？"
　　"Don’t！Shan’tIbedrunkinmyownhouse，youcursedwhimperingjade，you？Getout！"andwiththistheCaptainproceededtoadministerablowuponMrs。Catherine’scheek。
　　Contrarytohercustom，shedidnotavengeit，orseektodoso，asonthemanyformeroccasionswhendisputesofthisnaturehadarisenbetweentheCountandher；butnowMrs。Catherinefellonherkneesand，claspingherhandsandlookingpitifullyintheCount’sface，cried，"Oh，Count，forgiveme，forgiveme！"
　　"Forgiveyou！Whatfor？BecauseIslappedyourface？Ha，ha！
　　I’llforgiveyouagain，ifyoudon’tmind。"
　　"Oh，no，no，no！"saidshe，wringingherhands。"Itisn’tthat。
　　Max，dearMax，willyouforgiveme？Itisn’ttheblow——Idon’tmindthat；it’s——"
　　"It’swhat，you——maudlinfool？"
　　"IT’STHEPUNCH！"
　　TheCount，whowasmorethanhalfseasover，hereassumedanairofmuchtipsygravity。"Thepunch！No，Ineverwillforgiveyouthatlastglassofpunch。Ofallthefoul，beastlydrinksIevertasted，thatwastheworst。No，Ineverwillforgiveyouthatpunch。"
　　"Oh，itisn’tthat，itisn’tthat！"saidshe。
　　"Itellyouitisthat，——you！Thatpunch，Isaythatpunchwasnobetterthanpaw——aw—oison。"AndheretheCount’sheadsankback，andhefelltosnore。
　　"ITWASPOISON！"saidshe。