"WHAT！"screamedhe，wakingupatonce，andspurningherawayfromhim。"What，youinfernalmurderess，haveyoukilledme？"
　　"Oh，Max！——don’tkillme，Max！Itwaslaudanum——indeeditwas。Youweregoingtobemarried，andIwasfurious，andIwentandgot——"
　　"Holdyourtongue，youfiend，"roaredouttheCount；andwithmorepresenceofmindthanpoliteness，heflungtheremainderoftheliquor（and，indeed，theglasswithit）attheheadofMrs。
　　Catherine。Butthepoisonedchalicemisseditsmark，andfellrightonthenoseofMr。TomTrippet，whowasleftasleepandunobservedunderthetable。
　　Bleeding，staggering，swearing，indeedaghastlysight，upsprangMr。Trippet，anddrewhisrapier。"Comeon，"sayshe；"neversaydie！What’stherow？I’mreadyforadozenofyou。"Andhemademanyblindandfuriouspassesabouttheroom。
　　"Curseyou，we’lldietogether！"shoutedtheCount，ashetoopulledouthistoledo，andsprangatMrs。Catherine。
　　"Help！murder！thieves！"shriekedshe。"Saveme，Mr。Trippet，saveme！"andsheplacedthatgentlemanbetweenherselfandtheCount，andthenmadeforthedoorofthebedroom，andgainedit，andboltedit。
　　"Outoftheway，Trippet，"roaredtheCount——"outoftheway，youdrunkenbeast！I’llmurderher，Iwill——I’llhavethedevil’slife。"AndherehegaveaswingingcutatMr。Trippet’ssword：itsenttheweaponwhirlingcleanoutofhishand，andthroughawindowintothestreet。
　　"Takemylife，then，"saidMr。Trippet："I’mdrunk，butI’maman，and，damme！willneversaydie。"
　　"Idon’twantyourlife，youstupidfool。Harkyou，Trippet，wakeandbesober，ifyoucan。ThatwomanhasheardofmymarriagewithMissDripping。"
　　"Twentythousandpound，"ejaculatedTrippet。
　　"Shehasbeenjealous，Itellyou，andPOISONEDus。Shehasputlaudanumintothepunch。"
　　"What，inMYpunch？"saidTrippet，growingquitesoberandlosinghiscourage。"OLord！OLord！"
　　"Don’tstandhowlingthere，butrunforadoctor；’tisouronlychance。"AndawayranMr。Trippet，asifthedeucewereathisheels。
　　TheCounthadforgottenhismurderousintentionsregardinghismistress，orhaddeferredthematleast，undertheconsciousnessofhisownpressingdanger。Anditmustbesaid，inthepraiseofamanwhohadfoughtforandagainstMarlboroughandTallard，thathiscourageinthistryingandnovelpredicamentneverforamomentdesertedhim，butthatheshowedthegreatestdaring，aswellasingenuity，inmeetingandavertingthedanger。Heflewtothesideboard，whereweretherelicsofasupper，andseizingthemustardandsaltpots，andabottleofoil，heemptiedthemallintoajug，intowhichhefurtherpouredavastquantityofhotwater。
　　Thispleasingmixturehethen，withoutamoment’shesitation，placedtohislips，andswallowedasmuchofitasnaturewouldallowhim。
　　Butwhenhehadimbibedaboutaquart，theanticipatedeffectwasproduced，andhewasenabled，bythepowerofthisingeniousextemporaneousemetic，togetridofmuchofthepoisonwhichMrs。
　　Catherinehadadministeredtohim。
　　Hewasemployedintheseeffortswhenthedoctorentered，alongwithMr。BrockandMr。Trippet；whowasnotalittlepleasedtohearthatthepoisonedpunchhadnotinallprobabilitybeengiventohim。HewasrecommendedtotakesomeoftheCount’smixture，asaprecautionarymeasure；butthisherefused，andretiredhome，leavingtheCountunderchargeofthephysicianandhisfaithfulcorporal。
　　ItisnotnecessarytosaywhatfurtherremedieswereemployedbythemtorestoretheCaptaintohealth；butaftersometimethedoctor，pronouncingthatthedangerwas，hehoped，averted，recommendedthathispatientshouldbeputtobed，andthatsomebodyshouldsitbyhim；whichBrockpromisedtodo。
　　"Thatshe—devilwillmurderme，ifyoudon’t，"gaspedthepoorCount。"Youmustturnheroutofthebedroom；orbreakopenthedoor，ifsherefusestoletyouin。"
　　Andthisstepwasfoundtobenecessary；for，aftershoutingmanytimes，andinvain，Mr。Brockfoundasmallironbar（indeed，hehadtheinstrumentformanydaysinhispocket），andforcedthelock。
　　Theroomwasempty，thewindowwasopen：theprettybarmaidofthe"Bugle"hadfled。
　　"Thechest，"saidtheCount——"isthechestsafe？"
　　TheCorporalflewtothebed，underwhichitwasscrewed，andlooked，andsaid，"ItISsafe，thankHeaven！"Thewindowwasclosed。TheCaptain，whowastooweaktostandwithouthelp，wasundressedandputtobed。TheCorporalsatdownbyhisside；
　　slumberstoleovertheeyesofthepatient；andhiswakefulnursemarkedwithsatisfactiontheprogressofthebeneficentrestorerofhealth。
　　WhentheCaptainawoke，ashedidsometimeafterwards，hefound，verymuchtohissurprise，thatagaghadbeenplacedinhismouth，andthattheCorporalwasintheactofwheelinghisbedtoanotherpartoftheroom。Heattemptedtomove，andgaveutterancetosuchunintelligiblesoundsascouldissuethroughasilkhandkerchief。
　　"Ifyourhonourstirsorcriesoutintheleast，Iwillcutyourhonour’sthroat，"saidtheCorporal。
　　Andthen，havingrecoursetohisironbar（thereaderwillnowseewhyhewasprovidedwithsuchanimplement，forhehadbeenmeditatingthiscoupforsomedays），heproceededfirsttoattempttoburstthelockofthelittleironchestinwhichtheCountkepthistreasure，and，failinginthis，tounscrewitfromtheground；
　　whichoperationheperformedsatisfactorily。
　　"Yousee，Count，"saidhe，calmly，"whenroguesfalloutthere’sthedeucetopay。You’llhavemedrummedoutoftheregiment，willyou？
　　I’mgoingtoleaveitofmyownaccord，lookyou，andtolivelikeagentlemanfortherestofmydays。SchlafenSiewohl，nobleCaptain：bonrepos。TheSquirewillbewithyouprettyearlyinthemorning，toaskforthemoneyyouowehim。"
　　WiththesesarcasticobservationsMr。Brockdeparted；notbythewindow，asMrs。Catherinehaddone，butbythedoor，quietly，andsointothestreet。Andwhen，thenextmorning，thedoctorcametovisithispatient，hebroughtwithhimastoryhow，atthedeadofnight，Mr。BrockhadrousedtheostleratthestableswheretheCaptain’shorseswerekept——hadtoldhimthatMrs。CatherinehadpoisonedtheCount，andhadrunoffwithathousandpounds；andhowheandallloversofjusticeoughttoscourthecountryinpursuitofthecriminal。ForthisendMr。BrockmountedtheCount’sbesthorse——thatveryanimalonwhichhehadcarriedawayMrs。Catherine：
　　andthus，onasinglenight，CountMaximilianhadlosthismistress，hismoney，hishorse，hiscorporal，andwasverynearlosinghislife。
　　CHAPTERIV。INWHICHMRS。CATHERINEBECOMESANHONESTWOMANAGAIN。
　　Inthiswoefulplight，moneyless，wifeless，horseless，corporalless，withagaginhismouthandaroperoundhisbody，arewecompelledtoleavethegallantGalgenstein，untilhisfriendsandtheprogressofthishistoryshalldeliverhimfromhisdurance。Mr。Brock’sadventuresontheCaptain’shorsemustlikewisebepretermitted；foritisourbusinesstofollowMrs。Catherinethroughthewindowbywhichshemadeherescape，andamongthevariouschancesthatbefellher。
　　Shehadonecausetocongratulateherself，——thatshehadnotherbabyatherback；fortheinfantwassafelyhousedunderthecareofanurse，towhomtheCaptainwasanswerable。Beyondthisherprospectswerebutdismal：nohometoflyto，butafewshillingsinherpocket，andawholeheapofinjuriesanddarkrevengefulthoughtsinherbosom：itwasasadtasktohertolookeitherbackwardsorforwards。Whitherwasshetofly？Howtolive？Whatgoodchancewastobefriendher？TherewasanangelwatchingoverthestepsofMrs。Cat——notagoodone，Ithink，butoneofthosefromthatunnameableplace，whohavetheirmanysubjectshereonearth，andoftenarepleasedtoextricatethemfromworseperplexities。
　　Mrs。Cat，now，hadnotcommittedmurder，butasbadasmurder；andasshefeltnotthesmallestrepentanceinherheart——asshehad，inthecourseofherlifeandconnectionwiththeCaptain，performedandgloriedinanumberofwickedcoquetries，idlenesses，vanities，lies，fitsofanger，slanders，foulabuses，andwhatnot——shewasfairlyboundovertothisdarkangelwhomwehavealludedto；andhedealtwithher，andaidedher，asoneofhisownchildren。
　　Idonotmeantosaythat，inthisstrait，heappearedtoherinthelikenessofagentlemaninblack，andmadehersignhernameinbloodtoadocumentconveyingovertohimhersoul，inexchangeforcertainconditionstobeperformedbyhim。Suchdiabolicalbargainshavealwaysappearedtomeunworthyoftheastutepersonagewhoissupposedtobeoneofthepartiestothem；andwhowouldscarcelybefoolenoughtopaydearlyforthatwhichhecanhaveinafewyearsfornothing。Itisnot，then，tobesupposedthatademonofdarknessappearedtoMrs。Cat，andledherintoaflamingchariotharnessedbydragons，andcareeringthroughairattherateofathousandleaguesaminute。Nosuchthing；thevehiclethatwassenttoaidherwasoneofamuchmorevulgardescription。
　　The"Liverpoolcarryvan，"then，whichintheyear1706usedtoperformthejourneybetweenLondonandthatplaceintendays，leftBirminghamaboutanhourafterMrs。Catherinehadquittedthattown；
　　andasshesatweepingonahillside，andplungedinbittermeditation，thelumbering，jinglingvehicleovertookher。Thecoachmanwasmarchingbythesideofhishorses，andencouragingthemtomaintaintheirpaceoftwomilesanhour；thepassengershadsomeofthemleftthevehicle，inordertowalkupthehill；andthecarriagehadarrivedatthetopofit，and，meditatingabrisktrotdownthedeclivity，waitedthereuntilthelaggingpassengersshouldarrive：whenJehu，castingagood—naturedglanceuponMrs。
　　Catherine，askedtheprettymaidwhenceshewascome，andwhethershewouldlikearideinhiscarriage。TothelatterofwhichquestionsMrs。Catherinerepliedtrulyyes；totheformer，heranswerwasthatshehadcomefromStratford；whereas，asweverywellknow，shehadlatelyquittedBirmingham。
　　"Hasttheeseenawomanpassthisway，onablackhorse，withalargebagofgooldoverthesaddle？"saidJehu，preparingtomountupontheroofofhiscoach。
　　"No，indeed，"saidMrs。Cat。
　　"Noratrooperonanotherhorseafterher——no？Well，therebeamortalrowdownBirminghamwayaboutsichaone。Shehavekilled，theysay，ninegentlemenatsupper，andhavestrangledaGermanprinceinbed。Shehaverobbedhimoftwentythousandguineas，andhaverodeawayonablackhorse。"
　　"Thatcan’tbeI，"saidMrs。Cat，naively，"forIhavebutthreeshillingsandagroat。"
　　"No，itcan’tbethee，truly，forwhere’syourbagofgoold？and，besides，theehastgottooprettyafacetodosuchwickedthingsastokillninegentlemenandstrangleaGermanprince。"
　　"Law，coachman，"saidMrs。Cat，blushingarchly——"，Law，coachman，DO
　　youthinkso？"Thegirlwouldhavebeenpleasedwithacomplimentevenonherwaytobehanged；andtheparleyendedbyMrs。Catherinesteppingintothecarriage，wheretherewasroomforeightpeopleatleast，andwheretwoorthreeindividualshadalreadytakentheirplaces。FortheseMrs。Catherinehadinthefirstplacetomakeastory，whichshedid；andaverygliboneforapersonofheryearsandeducation。Beingaskedwhithershewasbound，andhowshecametobealoneofamorningsittingbyaroad—side，sheinventedaneathistorysuitabletotheoccasion，whichelicitedmuchinterestfromherfellow—passengers：oneinparticular，ayoungman，whohadcaughtaglimpseofherfaceunderherhood，wasverytenderinhisattentionstoher。
　　Butwhetheritwasthatshehadbeentoomuchfatiguedbytheoccurrencesofthepastdayandsleeplessnight，orwhetherthelittlelaudanumwhichshehaddrunkafewhourspreviouslynowbegantoactuponher，certainitisthatMrs。Catnowsuddenlygrewsick，feverish，andextraordinarilysleepy；andinthisstateshecontinuedformanyhours，tothepityofallherfellow—travellers。
　　Atlengththe"carryvan"reachedtheinn，wherehorsesandpassengerswereaccustomedtorestforafewhours，andtodine；andMrs。Catherinewassomewhatawakenedbythestirofthepassengers，andthefriendlyvoiceoftheinn—servantwelcomingthemtodinner。
　　Thegentlemanwhohadbeensmittenbyherbeautynowurgedherverypolitelytodescend；which，takingtheprotectionofhisarm，sheaccordinglydid。
　　Hemadesomeverygallantspeechestoherasshesteppedout；andshemusthavebeenverymuchoccupiedbythem，orwraptupinherownthoughts，orstupefiedbysleep，fever，andopium，forshedidnottakeanyheedoftheplaceintowhichshewasgoing：which，hadshedone，shewouldprobablyhavepreferredremaininginthecoach，dinnerlessandill。Indeed，theinnintowhichshewasabouttomakeherentrancewasnootherthanthe"Bugle，"fromwhichshesetforthatthecommencementofthishistory；andwhichthen，asnow，waskeptbyherrelative，thethriftyMrs。Score。Thatgoodlandlady，seeingalady，inasmarthoodandcloak，leaning，asiffaint，uponthearmofagentlemanofgoodappearance，concludedthemtobemanandwife，andfolksofqualitytoo；andwithmuchdiscrimination，aswellassympathy，ledthemthroughthepublickitchentoherownprivateparlour，orbar，whereshehandedtheladyanarmchair，andaskedwhatshewouldliketodrink。Bythistime，andindeedattheverymomentsheheardheraunt’svoice，Mrs。
　　Catherinewasawareofhersituation；andwhenhercompanionretired，andthelandlady，withmuchofficiousness，insistedonremovingherhood，shewasquitepreparedforthescreechofsurprisewhichMrs。Scoregaveondroppingit，exclaiming，"Why，lawblessus，it’sourCatherine！"
　　"I’mveryill，andtired，aunt，"saidCat；"andwouldgivetheworldforafewhours’sleep。"
　　"Afewhoursandwelcome，mylove，andasack—possettoo。Youdolooksadlytiredandpoorly，sureenough。Ah，Cat，Cat！yougreatladiesaresadrakes，Idobelieve。Iwagernow，thatwithallyourballs，andcarriages，andfineclothes，youareneithersohappynorsowellaswhenyoulivedwithyourpooroldaunt，whousedtoloveyouso。"Andwiththesegentlewords，andanembraceortwo，whichMrs。Catherinewonderedat，andpermitted，shewasconductedtothatverybedwhichtheCounthadoccupiedayearpreviously，andundressed，andlaidinit，andaffectionatelytuckedupbyheraunt，whomarvelledatthefinenessofherclothes，assheremovedthempiecebypiece；andwhenshesawthatinMrs。Catherine’spockettherewasonlythesumofthreeandfourpence，said，archly，"Therewasnoneedofmoney，fortheCaptaintookcareofthat。"
　　Mrs。Catdidnotundeceiveher；anddeceivedMrs。Scorecertainlywas，——forsheimaginedthewell—dressedgentlemanwholedCatfromthecarriagewasnootherthantheCount；and，asshehadheard，fromtimetotime，exaggeratedreportsofthesplendouroftheestablishmentwhichhekeptup，shewasinducedtolookuponherniecewiththeveryhighestrespect，andtotreatherasifshewereafinelady。"AndsosheISafinelady，"Mrs。Scorehadsaidmonthsago，whensomeoftheseflatteringstoriesreachedher，andshehadovercomeherfirstfuryatCatherine’selopement。"Thegirlwasverycrueltoleaveme；butwemustrecollectthatsheisasgoodasmarriedtoanobleman，andmustallforgetandforgive，youknow。"
　　ThisspeechhadbeenmadetoDoctorDobbs，whowasinthehabitoftakingapipeandatankardatthe"Bugle，"andithadbeenroundlyreprobatedbytheworthydivine；whotoldMrs。Score，thatthecrimeofCatherinewasonlythemoreheinous，ifithadbeencommittedfrominterestedmotives；andprotestedthat，weresheaprincess，hewouldneverspeaktoheragain。Mrs。ScorethoughtandpronouncedtheDoctor’sopiniontobeverybigoted；indeed，shewasoneofthosepersonswhohaveamarvellousrespectforprosperity，andacorrespondingscornforill—fortune。When，therefore，shereturnedtothepublicroom，shewentgraciouslytothegentlemanwhohadledMrs。Catherinefromthecarriage，andwithaknowingcurtseywelcomedhimtothe"Bugle；"toldhimthathisladywouldnotcometodinner，butbadehersay，withherbestlovetohisLordship，thattheridehadfatiguedher，andthatshewouldlieinbedforanhourortwo。
　　ThisspeechwasreceivedwithmuchwonderbyhisLordship；whowas，indeed，nootherthanaLiverpooltailorgoingtoLondontolearnfashions；butheonlysmiled，anddidnotundeceivethelandlady，whoherselfwentoff，smilingly，tobustleaboutdinner。
　　Thetwoorthreehoursallottedtothatmealbytheliberalcoachmastersofthosedayspassedaway，andMr。Coachman，declaringthathishorseswerenowrestedenough，andthattheyhadtwelvemilestoride，putthesteedsto，andsummonedthepassengers。Mrs。
　　Score，whohadseenwithmuchsatisfactionthatherniecewasreallyill，andherfevermoreviolent，andhopedtohaveherformanydaysaninmateinherhouse，nowcameforward，andcastingupontheLiverpooltailoralookofprofoundbutrespectfulmelancholy，said，"MyLord（forIrecollectyourLordshipquitewell），theladyupstairsissoill，thatitwouldbeasintomoveher：hadInotbettertellcoachmantotakedownyourLordship’strunks，andthelady’s，andmakeyouabedinthenextroom？"
　　Verymuchtohersurprise，thispropositionwasreceivedwitharoaroflaughter。"Madam，"saidthepersonaddressed，"I’mnotalord，butatailoranddraper；andasforthatyoungwoman，beforeto—dayIneverseteyesonher。"
　　"WHAT！"screamedoutMrs。Score。"ArenotyoutheCount？Doyoumeantosaythatyoua’n’tCat’s——？DOyoumeantosaythatyoudidn’torderherbed，andthatyouwon’tpaythisherelittlebill？"
　　Andwiththissheproducedadocument，bywhichtheCount’sladywasmadeherdebtorinasumofhalf—a—guinea。
　　Thesepassionatewordsexcitedmoreandmorelaughter。"Payit，myLord，"saidthecoachman；"andthencomealong，fortimepresses。"
　　"OurrespectstoherLadyship，"saidonepassenger。"TellhermyLordcan’twait，"saidanother；andwithmuchmerrimentoneandallquittedthehotel，enteredthecoach，andrattledoff。
　　Dumb——palewithterrorandrage——billinhand，Mrs。Scorehadfollowedthecompany；butwhenthecoachdisappeared，hersensesreturned。Backsheflewintotheinn，overturningtheostler，notdeigningtoanswerDoctorDobbs（who，frombehindsofttobacco—fumes，mildlyaskedthereasonofherdisturbance），and，boundingupstairslikeafury，sherushedintotheroomwhereCatherinelay。
　　"Well，madam！"saidshe，inherhighestkey，"doyoumeanthatyouhavecomeintothisherehousetoswindleme？Doyoudarefortocomewithyourairshere，andcallyourselfanobleman’slady，andsleepinthebestbed，whenyou’renobetternoracommontramper？
　　I’llthankyou，ma’am，togetout，ma’am。I’llhavenosickpaupersinthishouse，ma’am。Youknowyourwaytotheworkhouse，ma’am，andthereI’lltroubleyoufortogo。"AndhereMrs。Scoreproceededquicklytopulloffthebedclothes；andpoorCatarose，shiveringwithfrightandfever。
　　Shehadnospirittoanswer，asshewouldhavedonethedaybefore，whenanoathfromanyhumanbeingwouldhavebroughthalf—a—dozenfromherinreturn；oraknife，oraplate，oralegofmutton，ifsuchhadbeentoherhand。Shehadnospiritleftforsuchrepartees；butinreplytotheabovewordsofMrs。Score，andagreatmanymoreofthesamekind——whicharenotnecessaryforourhistory，butwhichthatladyutteredwithinconceivableshrillnessandvolubility，thepoorwenchcouldsaylittle，——onlysobandshiver，andgatheruptheclothesagain，crying，"Oh，aunt，don’tspeakunkindtome！I’mveryunhappy，andveryill！"
　　"Ill，youstrumpet！ill，behanged！Illisasilldoes；andifyouareill，it’sonlywhatyoumerit。Getout！dressyourself——tramp！
　　Gettotheworkhouse，anddon’tcometocheatmeanymore！Dressyourself——doyouhear？Satinpetticoatforsooth，andlacetohersmock！"
　　Poor，wretched，chattering，burning，shiveringCatherinehuddledonherclothesaswellshemight：sheseemedhardlytoknoworseewhatshewasdoing，anddidnotreplyasinglewordtothemanythatthelandladyletfall。Cattottereddownthenarrowstairs，andthroughthekitchen，andtothedoor；whichshecaughtholdof，andpausedawhile，andlookedintoMrs。Score’sface，asforonemorechance。"Getout，younastytrull！"saidthatlady，sternly，witharmsakimbo；andpoorCatherine，withamostpiteousscreamandoutgushoftears，letgoofthedoor—postandstaggeredawayintotheroad。
　　***
　　"Why，no——yes——no——itispoorCatherineHall，asIlive！"saidsomebody，startingup，shovingasideMrs。Scoreveryrudely，andrunningintotheroad，wigoffandpipeinhand。ItwashonestDoctorDobbs；andtheresultofhisinterviewwithMrs。Catwas，thathegaveupforeversmokinghispipeatthe"Bugle；"andthatshelaysickofafeverforsomeweeksinhishouse。
　　***
　　OverthispartofMrs。Cat’shistoryweshallbeasbriefaspossible；for，totellthetruth，nothingimmoraloccurredduringherwholestayatthegoodDoctor’shouse；andwearenotgoingtoinsultthereaderbyofferinghimsillypicturesofpiety，cheerfulness，goodsense，andsimplicity；whicharemilk—and—watervirtuesafterall，andhavenorelishwiththemlikeagoodstrongvice，highlypeppered。Well，tobeshort：DoctorDobbs，thoughaprofoundtheologian，wasaverysimplegentleman；andbeforeMrs。
　　Cathadbeenamonthinthehouse，hehadlearnedtolookuponherasoneofthemostinjuredandrepentantcharactersintheworld；
　　andhad，withMrs。Dobbs，resolvedmanyplansforthefuturewelfareoftheyoungMagdalen。"Shewasbutsixteen，mylove，recollect，"
　　saidtheDoctor；"shewascarriedoff，notbyherownwisheither。
　　TheCountsworehewouldmarryher；and，thoughshedidnotleavehimuntilthatmonstertriedtopoisonher，yetthinkwhatafineChristianspiritthepoorgirlhasshown！sheforgiveshimasheartily——moreheartily，Iamsure，thanIdoMrs。Scoreforturningheradriftinthatwickedway。"ThereaderwillperceivesomedifferenceintheDoctor’sstatementandours，whichweassurehimisthetrueone；butthefactis，thehonestrectorhadhadhistalefromMrs。Cat，anditwasnotinhisnaturetodoubt，ifshehadtoldhimahistorytentimesmorewonderful。
　　Thereverendgentlemanandhiswifethenlaidtheirheadstogether；
　　and，recollectingsomethingofJohnHayes’sformerattachmenttoMrs。Cat，thoughtthatitmightbeadvantageouslyrenewed，shouldHayesbestillconstant。HavingveryadroitlysoundedCatherine（soadroitly，indeed，astoaskher"whethershewouldliketomarryJohnHayes？"），thatyoungwomanhadreplied，"No。ShehadlovedJohnHayes——hehadbeenherearly，onlylove；butshewasfallennow，andnotgoodenoughforhim。"AndthismadetheDobbsfamilyadmirehermoreandmore，andcastaboutformeanstobringthemarriagetopass。
　　HayeswasawayfromthevillagewhenMrs。Cathadarrivedthere；buthedidnotfailtohearofherillness，andhowheraunthaddesertedher，andthegoodDoctortakenherin。TheworthyDoctorhimselfmetMr。Hayesonthegreen；and，tellinghimthatsomerepairswerewantinginhiskitchenbeggedhimtostepinandexaminethem。Hayesfirstsaidno，plump，andthenno，gently；andthenpished，andthenpsha’d；andthen，tremblingverymuch，wentin：andtheresatMrs。Catherine，tremblingverymuchtoo。
　　Whatpassedbetweenthem？IfyourLadyshipisanxioustoknow，thinkofthatmorningwhenSirJohnhimselfpoppedthequestion。
　　Couldtherebeanythingmorestupidthantheconversationwhichtookplace？Suchstuffisnotworthrepeating：no，notwhenutteredbypeopleintheverygenteelestofcompany；asfortheamorousdialogueofacarpenterandanex—barmaid，itisworsestill。
　　Sufficeittosay，thatMr。Hayes，whohadhadayeartorecoverfromhispassion，andhad，toallappearances，quelledit，wasoverheadandearsagaintheverymomenthesawMrs。Cat，andhadallhisworktodoagain。
　　WhethertheDoctorknewwhatwasgoingon，Ican’tsay；butthismatteriscertain，thateveryeveningHayeswasnowintherectorykitchen，orelsewalkingabroadwithMrs。Catherine：andwhethersheranawaywithhim，orhewithher，Ishallnotmakeitmybusinesstoinquire；butcertainlyattheendofthreemonths（whichmustbecrowdedupintothisonelittlesentence），anotherelopementtookplaceinthevillage。"Ishouldhavepreventedit，certainly，"
　　saidDoctorDobbs——whereathiswifesmiled；"buttheyoungpeoplekeptthematterasecretfromme。"Andsohewould，hadheknownit；butthoughMrs。Dobbshadmadeseveralattemptstoacquainthimwiththeprecisehourandmethodoftheintendedelopement，heperemptorilyorderedhertoholdhertongue。Thefactis，thatthematterhadbeendiscussedbytherector’sladymanytimes。"YoungHayes，"wouldshesay"hasaprettylittlefortuneandtradeofhisown；heisanonlyson，andmaymarryashelikes；and，thoughnotspeciallyhandsome，generous，oramiable，hasanundeniableloveforCat（who，youknow，mustnotbeparticular），andthesoonershemarrieshim，Ithink，thebetter。Theycan’tbemarriedatourchurchyouknow，and——""Well，"saidtheDoctor，"iftheyaremarriedelsewhere，Ican’thelpit，andknownothingaboutit，lookyou。"Anduponthishinttheelopementtookplace：which，indeed，waspeaceablyperformedearlyoneSundaymorningaboutamonthafter；Mrs。HallgettingbehindMr。Hayesonapillion，andallthechildrenoftheparsonagegigglingbehindthewindow—blindstoseethepairgooff。
　　DuringthismonthMr。HayeshadcausedthebannstobepublishedatthetownofWorcester；judgingrightlythatinagreattowntheywouldcausenosuchremarkasinasolitaryvillage，andthitherheconductedhislady。Oill—starredJohnHayes！whitherdothedarkFatesleadyou？OfoolishDoctorDobbs，toforgetthatyoungpeopleoughttohonourtheirparents，andtoyieldtosillyMrs。Dobbs’sardentpropensityformakingmatches！
　　***
　　TheLondonGazetteofthe1stApril，1706，containsaproclamationbytheQueenforputtingintoexecutionanActofParliamentfortheencouragementandincreaseofseamen，andforthebetterandspeediermanningofHerMajesty’sfleet，whichauthorisesalljusticestoissuewarrantstoconstables，pettyconstables，headboroughs，andtything—men，toenterand，ifneedbe，tobreakopenthedoorsofanyhouseswheretheyshallbelievedesertingseamentobe；andforthefurtherincreaseandencouragementofthenavy，totakeable—bodiedlandsmenwhenseamenfail。ThisAct，whichoccupiesfourcolumnsoftheGazette，andanotherofsimilarlengthandmeaningforpressingmenintothearmy，neednotbequotedatlengthhere；butcausedamightystirthroughoutthekingdomatthetimewhenitwasinforce。
　　Asonehasseenorheard，afterthemarchofagreatarmy，anumberofroguesandloosecharactersbringuptherear；inlikemanner，atthetailofagreatmeasureofState，followmanyroguishpersonalinterests，whichareprotectedbythemainbody。ThegreatmeasureofReform，forinstance，carriedalongwithitmuchprivatejobbingandswindling——ascouldbeshownwerewenotinclinedtodealmildlywiththeWhigs；andthisEnlistmentAct，which，inordertomaintaintheBritishgloriesinFlanders，dealtmostcruellywiththeBritishpeopleinEngland（itisnotthefirsttimethatamanhasbeenpinchedathometomakeafineappearanceabroad），createdagreatcompanyofrascalsandinformersthroughouttheland，wholiveduponit；oruponextortionfromthosewhoweresubjecttoit，ornotbeingsubjecttoitwerefrightenedintothebeliefthattheywere。
　　WhenMr。HayesandhisladyhadgonethroughthemarriageceremonyatWorcester，theformer，concludingthatatsuchaplacelodgingandfoodmightbeprocuredatacheaperrate，lookedaboutcarefullyforthemeanestpublic—houseinthetown，wherehemightdeposithisbride。
　　Inthekitchenofthisinn，apartyofmenweredrinking；and，asMrs。Hayesdeclined，withapropersenseofhersuperiority，toeatincompanywithsuchlowfellows，thelandladyshowedherandherhusbandtoaninnerapartment，wheretheymightbeservedinprivate。
　　Thekitchenpartyseemed，indeed，notsuchasaladywouldchoosetojoin。Therewasonehugelankyfellow，thatlookedlikeasoldier，andhadahalberd；anotherwashabitedinasailor’scostume，withafascinatingpatchoveroneeye；andathird，whoseemedtheleaderofthegang，wasastoutmaninasailor’sfrockandahorseman’sjack—boots，whomonemightfancy，ifhewereanything，tobeahorse—marine。
　　Ofoneoftheseworthies，Mrs。Hayesthoughtsheknewthefigureandvoice；andshefoundherconjecturesweretrue，when，allofsudden，threepeople，without"Withyourleave，"or"Byyourleave，"burstintotheroom，intowhichsheandherspousehadretired。Attheirheadwasnootherthanheroldfriend，Mr。PeterBrock；hehadhissworddrawn，andhisfingertohislips，enjoiningsilence，asitwere，toMrs。Catherine。HewiththepatchonhiseyeseizedincontinentlyonMr。Hayes；thetallmanwiththehalberdkeptthedoor；twoorthreeheroessupportedtheone—eyedman；who，withaloudvoice，exclaimed，"Downwithyourarms——noresistance！youaremyprisoner，intheQueen’sname！"
　　Andhere，atthislock，weshallleavethewholecompanyuntilthenextchapter；whichmaypossiblyexplainwhattheywere。
　　CHAPTERV。CONTAINSMR。BROCK’SAUTOBIOGRAPHY，ANDOTHERMATTERS。
　　"Youdon’tsurebelievethesemen？"saidMrs。Hayes，assoonasthefirstalarmcausedbytheirruptionofMr。Brockandhiscompanionshadsubsided。"Thesearenomagistrate’smen：itisbutatricktorobyouofyourmoney，John。"
　　"Iwillnevergiveupafarthingofit！"screamedHayes。
　　"Yonderfellow，"continuedMrs。Catherine，"Iknow，forallhisdrawnswordandfiercelooks；hisnameis———"
　　"Wood，madam，atyourservice！"saidMr。Brock。"IamfollowertoMr。JusticeGobble，ofthistown：a’n’tI，Tim？"saidMr。Brocktothetallhalberdmanwhowaskeepingthedoor。
　　"Yesindeed，"saidTim，archly；"we’reallfollowersofhishonourJusticeGobble。"
　　"Certainly！"saidtheone—eyedman。
　　"Ofcourse！"criedthemaninthenightcap。
　　"Isuppose，madam，you’resatisfiedNOW？"continuedMr。Brock，aliasWood。"Youcan’tdenythetestimonyofgentlemenlikethese；andourcommissionistoapprehendallable—bodiedmalepersonswhocangivenogoodaccountofthemselves，andenrolthemintheserviceofHerMajesty。LookatthisMr。Hayes"（whostoodtremblinginhisshoes）。"Cantherebeabolder，properer，straightergentleman？
　　We’llhavehimforagrenadierbeforetheday’sover！"
　　"Takeheart，John——don’tbefrightened。Psha！ItellyouIknowtheman"criedoutMrs。Hayes："heisonlyheretoextortmoney。"
　　"Oh，forthatmatter，IDOthinkIrecollectthelady。Letmesee；
　　wherewasit？AtBirmingham，Ithink，——ay，atBirmingham，——aboutthetimewhentheytriedtomurderCountGal——"
　　"Oh，sir！"herecriedMadamHayes，droppinghervoiceatoncefromatoneofscorntooneofgentlestentreaty，"whatisityouwantwithmyhusband？Iknownot，indeed，ifeverIsawyoubefore。Forwhatdoyouseizehim？Howmuchwillyoutaketoreleasehim，andletusgo？Namethesum；heisrich，and——"
　　"RICH，Catherine！"criedHayes。"Rich！——Oheavens！Sir，Ihavenothingbutmyhandstosupportme：Iamapoorcarpenter，sir，workingundermyfather！"
　　"Hecangivetwentyguineastobefree；Iknowhecan！"saidMrs。
　　Cat。
　　"Ihavebutaguineatocarrymehome，"sighedoutHayes。
　　"Butyouhavetwentyathome，John，"saidhiswife。"Givethesebravegentlemenawritingtoyourmother，andshewillpay；andyouwillletusfreethen，gentlemen——won’tyou？"
　　"Whenthemoney’spaid，yes，"saidtheleader，Mr。Brock。
　　"Oh，incourse，"echoedthetallmanwiththehalberd。"What’sathriflingdetintion，mydear？"continuedhe，addressingHayes。
　　"We’llamuseyouinyourabsence，anddrinktothehealthofyourprettywifehere。"
　　Thispromise，todothehalberdierjustice，hefulfilled。Hecalleduponthelandladytoproducethedesiredliquor；andwhenMr。Hayesflunghimselfatthatlady’sfeet，demandingsuccourfromher，andaskingwhethertherewasnolawintheland——
　　"There’snolawatthe’ThreeRooks’exceptTHIS！"saidMr。Brockinreply，holdingupahorse—pistol。Towhichthehostess，grinning，assented，andsilentlywentherway。
　　Aftersomefurthersolicitations，JohnHayesdrewoutthenecessarylettertohisfather，statingthathewaspressed，andwouldnotbesetfreeunderasumoftwentyguineas；andthatitwouldbeofnousetodetainthebeareroftheletter，inasmuchasthegentlemenwhohadpossessionofhimvowedthattheywouldmurderhimshouldanyharmbefalltheircomrade。Asafurtherproofoftheauthenticityoftheletter，atokenwasadded：aringthatHayeswore，andthathismotherhadgivenhim。
　　Themissiveswere，aftersomeconsultation，entrustedtothecareofthetallhalberdier，whoseemedtorankassecondincommandoftheforcesthatmarchedunderCorporalBrock。ThisgentlemanwascalledindifferentlyEnsign，Mr。，orevenCaptainMacshane；hisintimatesoccasionallyinsportcalledhimNosey，fromtheprominenceofthatfeatureinhiscountenance；orSpindleshins，fortheveryreasonwhichbroughtonthefirstEdwardasimilarnickname。Mr。MacshanethenquittedWorcester，mountedonHayes’shorse；leavingallpartiesatthe"ThreeRooks"notalittleanxiousforhisreturn。
　　Thiswasnottobeexpecteduntilthenextmorning；andawearynuitdenocesdidMr。Hayespass。Dinnerwasserved，and，accordingtopromise，Mr。Brockandhistwofriendsenjoyedthemealalongwiththebrideandbridegroom。Punchfollowed，andthiswastakenincompany；thencamesupper。Mr。Brockalonepartookofthis，theothertwogentlemenpreferringthesocietyoftheirpipesandthelandladyinthekitchen。
　　"Itisasorryentertainment，Iconfess，"saidtheex—corporal，"andadismalwayforagentlemantospendhisbridalnight；butsomebodymuststaywithyou，mydears：forwhoknowsbutyoumighttakeafancytoscreamoutofwindow，andthentherewouldbemurder，andthedeuceandalltopay。Oneofusmuststay，andmyfriendsloveapipe，soyoumustputupwithmycompanyuntiltheycanrelieveguard。"
　　Thereaderwillnot，ofcourse，expectthatthreepeoplewhoweretopassthenight，howeverunwillingly，togetherinaninn—room，shouldsittheredumbandmoody，andwithoutanypersonalcommunication；onthecontrary，Mr。Brock，asanoldsoldier，entertainedhisprisonerswiththeutmostcourtesy，anddidallthatlayinhispower，bythehelpofliquorandconversation，torendertheirdurancetolerable。Onthebridegroomhisattentionswereagooddealthrownaway：Mr。Hayesconsentedtodrinkcopiously，butcouldnotbemadetotalkmuch；and，infact，thefrightoftheseizure，thefatehangingoverhimshouldhisparentsrefusearansom，andthetremendousoutlayofmoneywhichwouldtakeplaceshouldtheyaccedetoit，weighedaltogetheronhismindsomuchasutterlytounmanit。
　　AsforMrs。Cat，Idon’tthinkshewasatallsorryinherhearttoseetheoldCorporal：forhehadbeenafriendofoldtimes——deartimestoher；shehadhadfromhim，too，andfeltforhim，notalittlekindness；andtherewasreallyaverytender，innocentfriendshipsubsistingbetweenthispairofrascals，whorelishedmuchanight’sconversationtogether。
　　TheCorporal，aftertreatinghisprisonerstopunchingreatquantities，proposedtheamusementofcards：overwhichMr。Hayeshadnotbeenoccupiedmorethananhour，whenhefoundhimselfsoexcessivelysleepyastobepersuadedtoflinghimselfdownonthebeddressedashewas，andtheretosnoreawayuntilmorning。
　　Mrs。Catherinehadnoinclinationforsleep；andtheCorporal，equallywakeful，pliedincessantlythebottle，andheldwithheragreatdealofconversation。Thesleep，whichwasequivalenttotheabsence，ofJohnHayestookallrestraintfromtheirtalk。SheexplainedtoBrockthecircumstancesofhermarriage，whichwehavealreadydescribed；theywonderedatthechancewhichhadbroughtthemtogetheratthe"ThreeRooks；"nordidBrockatallhesitatetotellheratoncethathiscallingwasquiteillegal，andthathisintentionwassimplytoextortmoney。TheworthyCorporalhadnottheslightestshameregardinghisownprofession，andcutmanyjokeswithMrs。Cataboutherlateone；herattempttomurdertheCount，andherfutureprospectsasawife。
　　Andhere，havingbroughthimuponthesceneagain，wemayaswellshortlynarratesomeoftheprincipalcircumstanceswhichbefellhimafterhissuddendeparturefromBirmingham；andwhichhenarratedwithmuchcandourtoMrs。Catherine。
　　HerodetheCaptain’shorsetoOxford（havingexchangedhismilitarydressforacivilcostumeontheroad），andatOxfordhedisposedof"GeorgeofDenmark，"agreatbargain，tooneoftheheadsofcolleges。AssoonasMr。Brock，whotookonhimselfthestyleandtitleofCaptainWood，hadsufficientlyexaminedthecuriositiesoftheUniversity，heproceededatoncetothecapital：theonlyplaceforagentlemanofhisfortuneandfigure。
　　Hereheread，withagreatdealofphilosophicalindifference，intheDailyPost，theCourant，theObservator，theGazette，andthechiefjournalsofthosedays，whichhemadeapointofexaminingat"Button’s"and"Will’s，"anaccuratedescriptionofhisperson，hisclothes，andthehorseherode，andapromiseoffiftyguineas’
　　rewardtoanypersonwhowouldgiveanaccountofhim（sothathemightbecaptured）toCaptainCountGalgensteinatBirmingham，toMr。Murfeyatthe"GoldenBall"intheSavoy，orMr。Batesatthe"BlewAnchorinPickadilly。"ButCaptainWood，inanenormousfull—bottomedperiwigthatcosthimsixtypounds，*withhighredheelstohisshoes，asilversword，andagoldsnuff—box，andalargewound（obtained，hesaid，atthesiegeofBarcelona），whichdisfiguredmuchofhiscountenance，andcausedhimtocoveroneeye，wasinsmalldanger，hethought，ofbeingmistakenforCorporalBrock，thedeserterofCutts’s；andstruttedalongtheMallwithasgraveanairastheverybestnoblemanwhoappearedthere。Hewasgenerally，indeed，votedtobeverygoodcompany；andashisexpenseswereunlimited（"Afewconventcandlesticks，"mydear，heusedtowhisper，"meltintoavastnumberofdoubloons"），hecommandedasgoodsocietyashechosetoaskfor：anditwasspeedilyknownasafactthroughouttown，thatCaptainWood，whohadservedunderHisMajestyCharlesIII。ofSpain，hadcarriedoffthediamondpetticoatofOurLadyofCompostella，andlivedupontheproceedsofthefraud。PeopleweregoodProtestantsinthosedays，andmanyaonelongedtohavebeenhispartnerinthepiousplunder。
　　*IntheingeniouscontemporaryhistoryofMollFlanders，aperiwigismentionedascostingthatsum。
　　Allsurmisesconcerninghiswealth，CaptainWood，withmuchdiscretion，encouraged。Hecontradictednoreport，butwasquitereadytoconfirmall；andwhentwodifferentrumourswerepositivelyputtohim，heusedonlytolaugh，andsay，"Mydearsir，_I_don’tmakethestories；butI’mnotcalledupontodenythem；andIgiveyoufairwarning，thatIshallassenttoeveryoneofthem；soyoumaybelievethemornot，asyouplease。"Andsohehadthereputationofbeingagentleman，notonlywealthy，butdiscreet。Intruth，itwasalmostapitythatworthyBrockhadnotbeenagentlemanborn；inwhichcase，doubtless，hewouldhavelivedanddiedasbecamehisstation；forhespenthismoneylikeagentleman，helovedwomenlikeagentleman，hewouldfightlikeagentleman，hegambledandgotdrunklikeagentleman。Whatdidhewantelse？
　　Onlyamatterofsixdescents，alittlemoney，andanestate，torenderhimtheequalofSt。JohnorHarley。"Ah，thoseweremerrydays！"wouldMr。Brocksay，——forheloved，inagoodoldage，torecountthestoryofhisLondonfashionablecampaign；——"andwhenI
　　thinkhownearIwastobecomeagreatman，andtodieperhapsageneral，Ican’tbutmarvelatthewickedobstinacyofmyill—luck。"
　　"IwilltellyouwhatIdid，mydear：IhadlodgingsinPiccadilly，asifIwerealord；Ihadtwolargeperiwigs，andthreesuitsoflacedclothes；IkeptalittleblackdressedoutlikeaTurk；I
　　walkeddailyintheMall；IdinedatthepolitestordinaryinCoventGarden；Ifrequentedthebestofcoffee—houses，andknewalltheprettyfellowsofthetown；IcrackedabottlewithMr。Addison，andlentmanyapiecetoDickSteele（asaddebauchedrogue，mydear）；
　　and，aboveall，I’lltellyouwhatIdid——thenobleststrokethatsureeveragentlemanperformedinmysituation。
　　"Oneday，goinginto’Will’s，’Isawacrowdofgentlemengatheredtogether，andheardoneofthemsay，’CaptainWood！Idon’tknowtheman；buttherewasaCaptainWoodinSouthwell’sregiment。’Egad，itwasmyLordPeterboroughhimselfwhowastalkingaboutme。So，puttingoffmyhat，ImadeamostgraciouscongetomyLord，andsaidIknewHIM，androdebehindhimatBarcelonaonourentryintothattown。
　　"’Nodoubtyoudid，CaptainWood，’saysmyLord，takingmyhand；
　　’andnodoubtyouknowme：formanymoreknowTomFool，thanTomFoolknows。’Andwiththis，atwhichallofuslaughed，myLordcalledforabottle，andheandIsatdownanddrankittogether。
　　"Well，hewasindisgrace，asyouknow，buthegrewmightyfondofme，and——wouldyoubelieveit？——nothingwouldsatisfyhimbutpresentingmeatCourt！Yes，toHerSacredMajestytheQueen，andmyLadyMarlborough，whowasinhighfeather。Ay，truly，thesentinelsondutyusedtosalutemeasifIwereCorporalJohnhimself！Iwasonthehighroadtofortune。CharleyMordauntusedtocallmeJack，anddrinkcanaryatmychambers；IusedtomakeoneatmyLordTreasurer’slevee；IhadevengotMr。Army—SecretaryWalpoletotakeahundredguineasasacompliment：andhehadpromisedmeamajority：whenbadluckturned，andallmyfinehopeswereoverthrowninatwinkling。
　　"Yousee，mydear，thatafterwehadleftthatgaby，Galgenstein，——ha，ha——withagaginhismouth，andtwopence—
　　halfpennyinhispocket，thehonestCountwasinthesorriestplightintheworld；owingmoneyhereandtheretotradesmen，acoolthousandtotheWarwickshireSquire：andallthisoneightypoundsayear！Well，foralittletimethetradesmenheldtheirhands；
　　whilethejollyCountmovedheavenandearthtocatchholdofhisdearCorporalandhisdearmoney—bagsoveragain，andplacardedeverytownfromLondontoLiverpoolwithdescriptionsofmyprettyperson。Thebirdwasflown，however，——themoneycleangone，——andwhentherewasnohopeofregainingit，whatdidthecreditorsdobutclapmygaygentlemanintoShrewsburygaol：whereIwishhehadrotted，formypart。
　　"ButnosuchluckforhonestPeterBrock，orCaptainWood，ashewasinthosedays。OneblessedMondayIwenttowaitonMr。Secretary，andhesqueezedmyhandandwhisperedtomethatIwastobeMajorofaregimentinVirginia——theverything：foryousee，mydear，I
　　didn’tcareaboutjoiningmyLordDukeinFlanders；beingprettywellknowntothearmythere。TheSecretarysqueezedmyhand（ithadafifty—poundbillinit）andwishedmejoy，andcalledmeMajor，andbowedmeoutofhisclosetintotheante—room；and，asgayasmaybe，Iwentofftothe’Tilt—yardCoffee—house’inWhitehall，whichismuchfrequentedbygentlemenofourprofession，whereIbraggednotalittleofmygoodluck。
　　"Amongstthecompanywereseveralofmyacquaintance，andamongstthemagentlemanIdidnotmuchcaretosee，lookyou！IsawauniformthatIknew——redandyellowfacings——Cutts’s，mydear；andthewearerofthiswasnootherthanhisExcellencyGustavusAdolphusMaximilian，whomweallknowof！
　　"Hestaredmefullintheface，rightintomyeye（t’otheronewaspatched，youknow），andafterstandingstock—stillwithhismouthopen，gaveastepback，andthenastepforward，andthenscreechedout，’It’sBrock！’
　　"’Ibegyourpardon，sir，’saysI；’didyouspeaktome？’
　　"’I’llSWEARit’sBrock，’criesGal，assoonashehearsmyvoice，andlaidholdofmycuff（aprettybitofMechlinaseveryousaw，bytheway）。
　　"’Sirrah！’saysI，drawingitback，andgivingmyLordalittletouchofthefist（justatthelastbuttonofthewaistcoat，mydear，——arareplaceifyouwishtopreventamanfromspeakingtoomuch：itsenthimreelingtotheotherendoftheroom）。’Ruffian！’
　　saysI。’Dog！’saysI。’Insolentpuppyandcoxcomb！whatdoyoumeanbylayingyourhandonme？’
　　"’Faith，Major，yougivhimhisBILLYFUL，’roaredoutalongIrishunattachedensign，thatIhadtreatedwithmanyaglassofNantzatthetavern。Andso，indeed，Ihad；forthewretchcouldnotspeakforsomeminutes，andalltheofficersstoodlaughingathim，ashewrithedandwriggledhideously。
　　"’Gentlemen，thisisamonstrousscandal，’saysoneofficer。’Menofrankandhonouratfistslikeaparcelofcarters！’
　　"’Menofhonour！’saystheCount，whohadfetcheduphisbreathbythistime。（Imadeforthedoor，butMacshaneheldmeandsaid，’Major，youarenotgoingtoshirkhim，sure？’WhereuponIgrippedhishandandvowedIwouldhavethedog’slife。）
　　"’Menofhonour！’saystheCount。’Itellyouthemanisadeserter，athief，andaswindler！Hewasmycorporal，andranawaywithathou——’
　　"’Dog，youlie！’Iroaredout，andmadeanothercutathimwithmycane；butthegentlemenrushedbetweenus。
　　"’Obluthanowns！’sayshonestMacshane，’thelyingscounthrelthisfellowis！Gentlemen，IswearbemehonourthatCaptainWoodwaswoundedatBarcelona；andthatIsawhimthere；andthatheandI
　　ranawaytogetheratthebattleofAlmanza，andbadlucktous。’
　　"Yousee，mydear，thattheseIrishhavethestrongestimaginationsintheworld；andthatIhadactuallypersuadedpoorMacthatheandIwerefriendsinSpain。EverybodyknewMac，whowasacharacterinhisway，andbelievedhim。
　　"’Strikeagentleman，’saysI。’I’llhaveyourblood，Iwill。’
　　"’Thisinstant，’saystheCount，whowasboilingwithfury；’andwhereyoulike。’
　　"’MontagueHouse，’saysI。’Good，’sayshe。Andoffwewent。Ingoodtimetoo，fortheconstablescameinatthethoughtofsuchadisturbance，andwantedtotakeusincharge。
　　"Butthegentlemenpresent，beingmilitarymen，wouldnothearofthis。OutcameMac’srapier，andthatofhalf—a—dozenothers；andtheconstableswerethentoldtodotheirdutyiftheyliked，ortotakeacrown—piece，andleaveustoourselves。Offtheywent；andpresently，inacoupleofcoaches，theCountandhisfriends，Iandmine，droveofftothefieldsbehindMontagueHouse。Ohthatvilecoffee—house！whydidIenterit？
　　"Wecametotheground。HonestMacshanewasmysecond，andmuchdisappointedbecausethesecondontheothersidewouldnotmakeafightofit，andexchangeafewpasseswithhim；buthewasanoldmajor，acoololdhand，asbraveassteel，andnofool。Well，theswordsaremeasured，Galgensteinstripsoffhisdoublet，andImyhandsomecut—velvetinlikefashion。Galgensteinflingsoffhishat，andIhandedmineover——thelaceonitcostmetwentypounds。
　　Ilongedtobeathim，for——cursehim！——Ihatehim，andknowthathehasnochancewithmeatsword’s—play。
　　"’You’llnotfightinthatperiwig，sure？’saysMacshane。’Ofcoursenot，’saysI，andtookitoff。
　　"Mayallbarbersberoastedinflames；mayallperiwigs，bobwigs，scratchwigs，andRamilliescocks，frizzleinpurgatoryfromthisdayforthtotheendoftime！Minewastheruinofme：whatmightI
　　nothavebeennowbutforthatwig！
　　"IgaveitovertoEnsignMacshane，andwithitwentwhatIhadquiteforgotten，thelargepatchwhichIworeoveroneeye，whichpoppedoutfierce，staring，andlivelyaswaseveranyeyeintheworld。
　　"’Comeon！’saysI，andmadealungeatmyCount；buthesprangback（thedogwasasactiveasahare，andknew，fromoldtimes，thatI
　　washismasterwiththesmall—sword），andhissecond，wondering，struckupmyblade。
　　"’Iwillnotfightthatman，’sayshe，lookingmightypale。’I
　　swearuponmyhonourthathisnameisPeterBrock：hewasfortwoyearsmycorporal，anddeserted，runningawaywithathousandpoundsofmymoneys。Lookatthefellow！Whatisthematterwithhiseye？
　　whydidhewearapatchoverit？Butstop！’sayshe。’Ihavemoreproof。Handmemypocket—book。’Andfromit，sureenough，heproducedtheinfernalproclamationannouncingmydesertion！’Seeifthefellowhasascaracrosshisleftear’（andIcan’tsay，mydear，butwhatIhave：itwasdonebyacursedDutchmanattheBoyne）。’TellmeifhehasnotgotC。R。inblueuponhisrightarm’
　　（andthereitissureenough）。’YonderswaggeringIrishmanmaybehisaccompliceforwhatIknow；butIwillhavenodealingswithMr。
　　Brock，savewithaconstableforasecond。’
　　"’Thisisanoddstory，CaptainWood，’saidtheoldMajorwhoactedfortheCount。
　　"’Ascounthrellyfalsehoodregardingmeandmyfriend！’shoutedoutMr。Macshane；’andtheCountshallanswerforit。’
　　"’Stop，stop！’saystheMajor。’CaptainWoodistoogallantagentleman，Iamsure，nottosatisfytheCount；andwillshowusthathehasnosuchmarkonhisarmasonlyprivatesoldiersputthere。’
　　"’CaptainWood，’saysI，’willdonosuchthing，Major。I’llfightthatscoundrelGalgenstein，oryou，oranyofyou，likeamanofhonour；butIwon’tsubmittobesearchedlikeathief！’
　　"’No，incoorse，’saidMacshane。
　　"’Imusttakemymanofftheground，’saystheMajor。
　　"’Well，takehim，sir，’saysI，inarage；’andjustletmehavethepleasureoftellinghimthathe’sacowardandaliar；andthatmylodgingsareinPiccadilly，where，ifeverhefindscouragetomeetme，hemayhearofme！’
　　"’Faugh！Ishpitonyeall，’criesmygallantallyMacshane。Andsureenoughhekepthisword，orallbut——suitingtheactiontoitatanyrate。
　　"Andsowegatheredupourclothes，andwentbackinourseparatecoaches，andnobloodspilt。
　　"’Andisitthruenow，’saidMr。Macshane，whenwewerealone——’isitthruenow，allthesedivvleshavebeensaying？’’Ensign，’saysI，’you’reamanoftheworld？’
　　"’’DeedandIam，andinsignthesetwenty—twoyears。’
　　"’Perhapsyou’dlikeafewpieces？’saysI。
　　"’FaithandIshould；fortotellyouthesecredthrut，I’venottastedmatethesefourdays。’
　　"’Wellthen，Ensign，itIStrue，’saysI；’andasformeat，youshallhavesomeatthefirstcook—shop。’Ibadethecoachstopuntilheboughtaplateful，whichheateinthecarriage，formytimewasprecious。Ijusttoldhimthewholestory：atwhichhelaughed，andsworethatitwasthebestpieceofGENERALSHIPheeverheardon。Whenhisbellywasfull，Itookoutacoupleofguineasandgavethemtohim。Mr。Macshanebegantocryatthis，andkissedme，andsworeheneverwoulddesertme：as，indeed，mydear，I
　　don’tthinkhewill；forwehavebeenthebestoffriendseversince，andhe’stheonlymanIevercouldtrust，Ithink。
　　"Idon’tknowwhatputitintomyhead，butIhadascentofsomemischiefinthewind；sostoppedthecoachalittlebeforeIgothome，and，turningintoatavern，beggedMacshanetogobeforemetomylodging，andseeifthecoastwasclear：whichhedid；andcamebacktomeaspaleasdeath，sayingthatthehousewasfullofconstables。ThecursedquarrelattheTilt—yardhad，Isuppose，setthebeaksuponme；andaprettysweeptheymadeofit。Ah，mydear！
　　fivehundredpoundsinmoney，fivesuitsoflacedclothes，threeperiwigs，besideslacedshirts，swords，canes，andsnuff—boxes；andalltogobacktothatscoundrelCount。
　　"Itwasalloverwithme，Isaw——nomorebeingagentlemanforme；
　　andifIremainedtobecaught，onlyachoicebetweenTyburnandafileofgrenadiers。Mylove，undersuchcircumstances，agentlemancan’tbeparticular，andmustbeprompt；thelivery—stablewashardbywhereIusedtohiremycoachtogotoCourt，——ha！ha！——andwasknownasamanofsubstance。ThitherIwentimmediately。’Mr。
　　Warmmash，’saysI，’mygallantfriendhereandIhaveamindforarideandasupperatTwickenham，soyoumustlendusapairofyourbesthorses。’Whichhedidinatwinkling，andoffwerode。
　　"WedidnotgointothePark，butturnedoffandcanteredsmartlyuptowardsKilburn；and，whenwegotintothecountry，gallopedasifthedevilwereatourheels。Blessyou，mylove，itwasalldoneinaminute：andtheEnsignandIfoundourselvesregularknightsoftheroad，beforeweknewwherewewerealmost。Onlythinkofourfindingyouandyournewhusbandatthe’ThreeRooks’！There’snotagreaterfencethanthelandladyinallthecountry。Itwasshethatputusonseizingyourhusband，andintroducedustotheothertwogentlemen，whosenamesIdon’tknowanymorethanthedead。"
　　"Andwhatbecameofthehorses？"saidMrs。CatherinetoMr。Brock，whenhistalewasfinished。