"Hewasafriendofsomecousinsofmine，"Jephsonbegan，"peopleI
　　usedtoseeagooddealofinmyundergraduatedays。WhenImethimfirsthewasayoungfellowoftwenty—six，strongmentallyandphysically，andofasternandstubbornnaturethatthosewholikedhimcalledmasterful，andthatthosewhodislikedhim——amorenumerousbody——termedtyrannical。WhenIsawhimthreeyearslater，hewasanoldmanoftwenty—nine，gentleandyieldingbeyondtheborder—lineofweakness，mistrustfulofhimselfandconsiderateofotherstoadegreethatwasoftenunwise。Formerly，hisangerhadbeenathingveryeasilyandfrequentlyaroused。SincethechangeofwhichIspeak，Ihaveneverknowntheshadeofangertocrosshisfacebutonce。Inthecourseofawalk，oneday，wecameuponayoungroughterrifyingasmallchildbypretendingtosetadogather。Heseizedtheboywithagripthatalmostchokedhim，andadministeredtohimapunishmentthatseemedtomealtogetheroutofproportiontothecrime，brutalthoughitwas。
　　"Iremonstratedwithhimwhenherejoinedme。
　　"’Yes，’herepliedapologetically；’IsupposeI’mahardjudgeofsomefollies。’And，knowingwhathishauntedeyeswerelookingat，Isaidnomore。
　　"HewasjuniorpartnerinalargefirmofteabrokersintheCity。
　　TherewasnotmuchforhimtodointheLondonoffice，andwhen，therefore，astheresultofsomemortgagetransactions，aSouthIndianteaplantationfellintothehandsofthefirm，itwassuggestedthatheshouldgooutandtakethemanagementofit。Theplansuitedhimadmirably。Hewasamanineverywayqualifiedtoleadaroughlife；tofaceabynomeanscontemptibleamountofdifficultyanddanger，togovernasmallarmyofnativeworkersmoreamenabletofearthantoaffection。Suchalife，demandingthoughtandaction，wouldaffordhisstrongnaturegreaterinterestandenjoymentthanhecouldeverhopetoobtainamidthecrampedsurroundingsofcivilisation。
　　"Onlyonethingcouldinreasonhavebeenurgedagainstthearrangement，thatthingwashiswife。Shewasafragile，delicategirl，whomhehadmarriedinobediencetothatinstinctofattractiontowardstheoppositewhichNature，forthepurposeofmaintainingheraverage，hasimplantedinourbreasts——atimid，meek—eyedcreature，oneofthosewomentowhomdeathislessterriblethandanger，andfateeasiertofacethanfear。Suchwomenhavebeenknowntorunscreamingfromamouseandtomeetmartyrdomwithheroism。Theycannomorekeeptheirnervesfromtremblingthananaspentreecanstaythequiveringofitsleaves。
　　"Thatshewastotallyunfittedfor，andwouldbemadewretchedbythelifetowhichhisacceptanceofthepostwouldcondemnhermighthavereadilyoccurredtohim，hadhestoppedtoconsiderforamomentherfeelingsinthematter。Buttoviewaquestionfromanyotherstandpointthanhisownwasnothishabit。Thathelovedherpassionately，inhisway，asathingbelongingtohimself，therecanbenodoubt，butitwaswiththelovethatsuchmenhaveforthedogtheywillthrash，thehorsetheywillspurtoabrokenback。Toconsultheronthesubjectneverenteredhishead。Heinformedheronedayofhisdecisionandofthedateoftheirsailing，and，handingherahandsomecheque，toldhertopurchaseallthingsnecessarytoher，andtolethimknowifsheneededmore；andshe，lovinghimwithadog—likedevotionthatwasnotgoodforhim，openedherbigeyesalittlewider，butsaidnothing。Shethoughtmuchaboutthecomingchangetoherself，however，and，whennobodywasby，shewouldcrysoftly；then，hearinghisfootsteps，wouldhastilywipeawaythetracesofhertears，andgotomeethimwithasmile。
　　"Now，hertimidityandnervousness，whichathomehadbeenabuttformerechaff，became，underthenewcircumstancesoftheirlife，aseriousannoyancetotheman。Awomanwhoseemedunabletorepressascreamwheneversheturnedandsawinthegloomapairofpiercingeyeslookingoutatherfromaduskyface，whowasliabletodropoffherhorsewithfearatthesoundofawildbeast’sroaramileoff，andwhowouldturnwhiteandlimpwithhorroratthemeresightofasnake，wasnotacompanionablepersontolivewithintheneighbourhoodofIndianjungles。
　　"Hehimselfwasentirelywithoutfear，andcouldnotunderstandit。
　　Tohimitwaspureaffectation。Hehadamuddledidea，commontomenofhisstamp，thatwomenassumenervousnessbecausetheythinkitprettyandbecomingtothem，andthatifonecouldonlyconvincethemofthefollyofittheymightbeinducedtolayitaside，inthesamewaythattheylayasidemincingstepsandsimperingvoices。
　　Amanwhopridedhimself，ashedid，uponhisknowledgeofhorses，might，onewouldthink，havegraspedatruernotionofthenatureofnervousness，whichisamerematteroftemperament。Butthemanwasafool。
　　"Thethingthatvexedhimmostwasherhorrorofsnakes。Hewasunblessed——oruncursed，whicheveryoumayprefer——withimaginationofanykind。Therewasnospecialenmitybetweenhimandtheseedoftheserpent。Acreaturethatcrawleduponitsbellywasnomoreterribletohimthanacreaturethatwalkeduponitslegs；indeed，lessso，forheknewthat，asarule，therewaslessdangertobeapprehendedfromthem。Areptileisonlytooeageratalltimestoescapefromman。Unlessattackedorfrightened，itwillmakenoonset。Mostpeoplearecontenttoacquiretheirknowledgeofthisfactfromthenaturalhistorybooks。Hehadproveditforhimself。
　　Hisservant，anoldsergeantofdragoons，hastoldmethathehasseenhimstopwithhisfacesixinchesfromtheheadofahoodedcobra，andstandwatchingitthroughhiseye—glassasitcrawledawayfromhim，knowingthatonetouchofitsfangswouldmeandeathfromwhichtherecouldbenopossibleescape。Thatanyreasoningbeingshouldbeinspiredwithterror——sickening，deadlyterror——bysuchpitifullyharmlessthings，seemedtohimmonstrous；andhedeterminedtotryandcureherofherfearofthem。
　　"Hesucceededindoingthiseventuallysomewhatmorethoroughlythanhehadanticipated，butitleftaterrorinhisowneyesthathasnotgoneoutofthemtothisday，andthatneverwill。
　　"Oneevening，ridinghomethroughapartofthejunglenotfarfromhisbungalow，heheardasoft，lowhissclosetohisear，and，lookingup，sawapythonswingitselffromthebranchofatreeandmakeoffthroughthelonggrass。Hehadbeenoutantelope—shooting，andhisloadedriflehungbyhisstirrup。Springingfromthefrightenedhorse，hewasjustintimetogetashotatthecreaturebeforeitdisappeared。Hehadhardlyexpected，underthecircumstances，toevenhitit。Bychancethebulletstruckitatthejunctionofthevertebraewiththehead，andkilleditinstantly。Itwasawell—markedspecimen，and，exceptforthesmallwoundthebullethadmade，quiteuninjured。Hepickeditup，andhungitacrossthesaddle，intendingtotakeithomeandpreserveit。
　　"Gallopingalong，glancingdowneverynowandagainatthehuge，hideousthingswayingandwrithinginfrontofhimalmostasifstillalive，abrilliantideaoccurredtohim。Hewouldusethisdeadreptiletocurehiswifeofherfearoflivingones。Hewouldfixmatterssothatsheshouldseeit，andthinkitwasalive，andbeterrifiedbyit；thenhewouldshowherthatshehadbeenfrightenedbyameredeadthing，andshewouldfeelashamedofherself，andbehealedofherfolly。Itwasthesortofideathatwouldoccurtoafool。
　　"Whenhereachedhome，hetookthedeadsnakeintohissmoking—room；
　　then，lockingthedoor，theidiotsetouthisprescription。Hearrangedthemonsterinaverynaturalandlife—likeposition。Itappearedtobecrawlingfromtheopenwindowacrossthefloor，andanyonecomingintotheroomsuddenlycouldhardlyavoidtreadingonit。Itwasverycleverlydone。
　　"Thatfinished，hepickedoutabookfromtheshelves，openedit，andlaiditfacedownwarduponthecouch。Whenhehadcompletedallthingstohissatisfactionheunlockedthedoorandcameout，verypleasedwithhimself。
　　"Afterdinnerhelitacigarandsatsmokingawhileinsilence。
　　"’Areyoufeelingtired？’hesaidtoheratlength，withasmile。
　　"Shelaughed，and，callinghimalazyoldthing，askedwhatitwashewanted。
　　"’OnlymynovelthatIwasreading。Ileftitinmyden。Doyoumind？Youwillfinditopenonthecouch。’
　　"Shesprangupandranlightlytothedoor。
　　"Asshepausedthereforamomenttolookbackathimandaskthenameofthebook，hethoughthowprettyandhowsweetshewas；andforthefirsttimeafaintglimmerofthetruenatureofthethinghewasdoingforceditselfintohisbrain。
　　"’Nevermind，’hesaid，halfrising，’I’ll——’；then，enamouredofthebrilliancyofhisplan，checkedhimself；andshewasgone。
　　"Heheardherfootstepspassingalongthemattedpassage，andsmiledtohimself。Hethoughttheaffairwasgoingtoberatheramusing。
　　Onefindsitdifficulttopityhimevennowwhenonethinksofit。
　　"Thesmoking—roomdooropenedandclosed，andhestillsatgazingdreamilyattheashofhiscigar，andsmiling。
　　"Onemoment，perhapstwopassed，butthetimeseemedmuchlonger。
　　Themanblewthegraycloudfrombeforehiseyesandwaited。Thenheheardwhathehadbeenexpectingtohear——apiercingshriek。
　　Thenanother，which，expectingtoheartheclangingofthedistantdoorandthescurryingbackofherfootstepsalongthepassage，puzzledhim，sothatthesmilediedawayfromhislips。
　　"Thenanother，andanother，andanother，shriekaftershriek。
　　"Thenativeservant，glidingnoiselesslyabouttheroom，laiddownthethingthatwasinhishandandmovedinstinctivelytowardsthedoor。Themanstartedupandheldhimback。
　　"’Keepwhereyouare，’hesaidhoarsely。’Itisnothing。Yourmistressisfrightened，thatisall。Shemustlearntogetoverthisfolly。’Thenhelistenedagain，andtheshrieksendedwithwhatsoundedcuriouslylikeasmotheredlaugh；andtherecameasuddensilence。
　　"Andoutofthatbottomlesssilence，Fearforthefirsttimeinhislifecametotheman，andheandtheduskyservantlookedateachotherwitheyesinwhichtherewasastrangelikeness；andbyacommoninstinctmovedtogethertowardstheplacewherethesilencecamefrom。
　　"Whenthemanopenedthedoorhesawthreethings：onewasthedeadpython，lyingwherehehadleftit；thesecondwasalivepython，itscomradeapparently，slowlycrawlingroundit；thethirdacrushed，bloodyheapinthemiddleofthefloor。
　　"Hehimselfrememberednothingmoreuntil，weeksafterwards，heopenedhiseyesinadarkened，unfamiliarplace，butthenativeservant，beforehefledscreamingfromthehouse，sawhismasterflinghimselfuponthelivingserpentandgraspitwithhishands，andwhen，lateron，othersburstintotheroomandcaughthimstaggeringintheirarms，theyfoundthesecondpythonwithitsheadtornoff。
　　"Thatistheincidentthatchangedthecharacterofmyman——ifitbechanged，"concludedJephson。"Hetolditmeonenightaswesatonthedeckofthesteamer，returningfromBombay。Hedidnotsparehimself。Hetoldmethestory，muchasIhavetoldittoyou，butinaneven，monotonoustone，freefromemotionofanykind。Iaskedhim，whenhehadfinished，howhecouldbeartorecallit。
　　"’Recallit！’hereplied，withaslightaccentofsurprise；’itisalwayswithme。’"
　　CHAPTERVIII
　　Onedaywespokeofcrimeandcriminals。Wehaddiscussedthepossibilityofanovelwithoutavillain，buthaddecidedthatitwouldbeuninteresting。
　　"Itisaterriblysadreflection，"remarkedMacShaughnassy，musingly；"butwhatadesperatelydullplacethisearthwouldbeifitwerenotforourfriendsthebadpeople。Doyouknow，"hecontinued，"whenIhearoffolksgoingabouttheworldtryingtoreformeverybodyandmakethemgood，Igetpositivelynervous。Oncedoawaywithsin，andliteraturewillbecomeathingofthepast。
　　Withoutthecriminalclassesweauthorswouldstarve。"
　　"Ishouldn’tworry，"repliedJephson，drily；"onehalfmankindhasbeen’reforming’theotherhalfprettysteadilyeversincetheCreation，yetthereappearstobeafairlyappreciableamountofhumannatureleftinit，notwithstanding。Suppressingsinismuchthesamesortoftaskthatsuppressingavolcanowouldbe——pluggingoneventmerelyopensanother。Evilwilllastourtime。"
　　"Icannottakeyouroptimisticviewofthecase，"answeredMacShaughnassy。"Itseemstomethatcrime——atallevents，interestingcrime——isbeingslowlydrivenoutofourexistence。
　　Piratesandhighwaymenhavebeenpracticallyabolished。Dearold’SmugglerBill’hasmelteddownhiscutlassintoapint—canwithafalsebottom。Thepressgangthatwasalwayssoreadytorescueourherofromhisapproachingmarriagehasbeendisbanded。There’snotaluggerfitforthepurposesofabductionleftuponthecoast。Mensettletheir’affairsofhonour’inthelawcourts，andreturnhomewoundedonlyinthepocket。Assaultsonunprotectedfemalesareconfinedtotheslums，whereheroesdonotdwell，andareavengedbythenearestmagistrate。Yourmodernburglarisgenerallyanout—of—
　　workgreen—grocer。His’swag’usuallyconsistsofanovercoatandapairofboots，inattemptingtomakeoffwithwhichheiscapturedbytheservant—girl。Suicidesandmurdersaregettingscarcereveryseason。Atthepresentrateofdecrease，deathsbyviolencewillbeunheardofinanotherdecade，andamurderstorywillbelaughedatastooimprobabletobeinteresting。Acertainsectionofbusybodiesareevencryingoutfortheenforcementoftheseventhcommandment。Iftheysucceedauthorswillhavetofollowtheadvicegenerallygiventothembythecritics，andretirefrombusinessaltogether。Itellyouourmeansoflivelihoodarebeingfilchedfromusonebyone。Authorsoughttoformthemselvesintoasocietyforthesupportandencouragementofcrime。"
　　MacShaughnassy’sleadingintentioninmakingtheseremarkswastoshockandgrieveBrown，andinthisobjecthesucceeded。Brownis——
　　orwas，inthosedays——anearnestyoungmanwithanexalted——somewereinclinedtosayanexaggerated——viewoftheimportanceanddignityoftheliteraryprofession。Brown’snotionoftheschemeofCreationwasthatGodmadetheuniversesoastogivetheliterarymansomethingtowriteabout。IusedatonetimetocreditBrownwithoriginalityforthisidea；butasIhavegrownolderIhavelearnedthatthetheoryisaverycommonandpopularoneinculturedcircles。
　　BrownexpostulatedwithMacShaughnassy。"Youspeak，"hesaid，"asthoughliteratureweretheparasiteofevil。"
　　"Andwhatelseisshe？"repliedtheMacShaughnassy，withenthusiasm。
　　"Whatwouldbecomeofliteraturewithoutfollyandsin？Whatistheworkoftheliterarymanbutrakingalivingforhimselfoutofthedust—heapofhumanwoe？Imagine，ifyoucan，aperfectworld——aworldwheremenandwomenneversaidfoolishthingsandneverdidunwiseones；wheresmallboyswerenevermischievousandchildrennevermadeawkwardremarks；wheredogsneverfoughtandcatsneverscreeched；wherewivesneverhenpeckedtheirhusbandsandmothers—
　　in—lawnevernagged；wheremenneverwenttobedintheirbootsandsea—captainsneverswore；whereplumbersunderstoodtheirworkandoldmaidsneverdressedasgirls；whereniggersneverstolechickensandproudmenwereneversea—sick！wherewouldbeyourhumourandyourwit？Imagineaworldwhereheartswereneverbruised；wherelipswereneverpressedwithpain；whereeyeswereneverdim；wherefeetwereneverweary；wherestomachswereneverempty！wherewouldbeyourpathos？Imagineaworldwherehusbandsneverlovedmorewivesthanone，andthattherightone；wherewiveswereneverkissedbutbytheirhusbands；wheremen’sheartswereneverblackandwomen’sthoughtsneverimpure；wheretherewasnohatingandnoenvying；nodesiring；nodespairing！wherewouldbeyourscenesofpassion，yourinterestingcomplications，yoursubtlepsychologicalanalyses？MydearBrown，wewriters——novelists，dramatists，poets——
　　wefattenonthemiseryofourfellow—creatures。Godcreatedmanandwoman，andthewomancreatedtheliterarymanwhensheputherteethintotheapple。Wecameintotheworldundertheshadowoftheserpent。WearespecialcorrespondentswiththeDevil’sarmy。
　　Wereporthisvictoriesinourthree—volumenovels，hisoccasionaldefeatsinourfive—actmelodramas。"
　　"Allofwhichisverytrue，"remarkedJephson；"butyoumustrememberitisnotonlytheliterarymanwhotrafficsinmisfortune。
　　Thedoctor，thelawyer，thepreacher，thenewspaperproprietor，theweatherprophet，willhardly，Ishouldsay，welcomethemillennium。
　　Ishallneverforgetananecdotemyuncleusedtorelate，dealingwiththeperiodwhenhewaschaplainoftheLincolnshirecountyjail。Onemorningtherewastobeahanging；andtheusuallittlecrowdofwitnesses，consistingofthesheriff，thegovernor，threeorfourreporters，amagistrate，andacoupleofwarders，wasassembledintheprison。Thecondemnedman，abrutalruffianwhohadbeenfoundguiltyofmurderingayounggirlunderexceptionallyrevoltingcircumstances，wasbeingpinionedbythehangmanandhisassistant；andmyunclewasemployingthelastfewmomentsathisdisposalintryingtobreakdownthesullenindifferencethefellowhadthroughoutmanifestedtowardsbothhiscrimeandhisfate。
　　Myunclefailingtomakeanyimpressionuponhim，thegovernorventuredtoaddafewwordsofexhortation，uponwhichthemanturnedfiercelyonthewholeofthem。
　　"’Gotohell，’hecried，’withyoursnivellingjaw。Whoareyou，topreachatme？YOU’REgladenoughI’mhere——allofyou。Why，I’mtheonlyoneofyouasain’tgoingtomakeabitoverthisjob。
　　Wherewouldyouallbe，Ishouldliketoknow，youcantingswine，ifitwasn’tformeandmysort？Why，it’sthelikesofmeasKEEPS
　　thelikesofyou，’withwhichhewalkedstraighttothegallowsandtoldthehangmanto’hurryup’andnotkeepthegentlemenwaiting。"
　　"Therewassome’grit’inthatman，"saidMacShaughnassy。
　　"Yes，"addedJephson，"andwholesomewitalso。"
　　MacShaughnassypuffedamouthfulofsmokeoveraspiderwhichwasjustabouttokillafly。Thiscausedthespidertofallintotheriver，fromwhereasupper—huntingswallowquicklyrescuedhim。
　　"Youremindme，"hesaid，"ofasceneIoncewitnessedintheofficeofTheDaily——well，intheofficeofacertaindailynewspaper。Itwasthedeadseason，andthingsweresomewhatslow。Anendeavourhadbeenmadetolaunchadiscussiononthequestion’AreBabiesaBlessing？’Theyoungestreporteronthestaff，writingoverthesimplebuttouchingsignatureof’MotherofSix，’hadledoffwithascathing，thoughsomewhatirrelevant，attackuponhusbands，asaclass；theSportingEditor，signinghimself’WorkingMan，’andgarnishinghiscontributionwithpainfullyelaboratedorthographicallapses，arrangedtogiveanairofverisimilitudetothecorrespondence，while，atthesametime，nottooffendthesusceptibilitiesofthedemocracy（fromwhomthepaperderiveditschiefsupport），hadreplied，vindicatingtheBritishfather，andgivingwhatpurportedtobestirringmidnightexperiencesofhisown。TheGalleryMan，callinghimself，withaburstofimagination，’GentlemanandChristian，’wroteindignantlythatheconsideredtheagitationofthesubjecttobebothimpiousandindelicate，andaddedhewassurprisedthatapaperholdingtheexalted，anddeservedlypopular，positionofThe——shouldhaveopeneditscolumnstothebrainlessvapouringsof’MotherofSix’and’WorkingMan。’
　　"Thetopichad，however，fallenflat。Withtheexceptionofonemanwhohadinventedanewfeeding—bottle，andthoughthewasgoingtoadvertiseitfornothing，theoutsidepublicdidnotrespond，andovertheeditorialdepartmentgloomhadsettleddown。
　　"Oneevening，astwoorthreeofusweremooningaboutthestairs，prayingsecretlyforawarorafamine，Todhunter，thetownreporter，rushedpastuswithacheer，andburstintotheSub—
　　editor’sroom。Wefollowed。Hewaswavinghisnotebookabovehishead，andclamouring，afterthemannerofpeopleinFrenchexercises，forpens，ink，andpaper。
　　"’What’sup？’criedtheSub—editor，catchinghisenthusiasm；
　　’influenzaagain？’
　　"’Betterthanthat！’shoutedTodhunter。’Excursionsteamerrundown，ahundredandtwenty—fiveliveslost——fourgoodcolumnsofheartrendingscenes。’
　　"’ByJove！’saidtheSub，’couldn’thavehappenedatabettertimeeither’——andthenhesatdownanddashedoffaleaderette，inwhichhedweltuponthepainandregretthepaperfeltathavingtoannouncethedisaster，anddrewattentiontotheexceptionallyharrowingaccountprovidedbytheenergyandtalentof’ourspecialreporter。’"
　　"Itisthelawofnature，"saidJephson："wearenotthefirstpartyofyoungphilosopherswhohavebeenstruckwiththefactthatoneman’smisfortuneisanotherman’sopportunity。"
　　"Occasionally，anotherwoman’s，"Iobserved。
　　Iwasthinkingofanincidenttoldmebyanurse。Ifanurseinfairpracticedoesnotknowmoreabouthumannature——doesnotseeclearerintothesoulsofmenandwomenthanallthenovelistsinlittleBooklandputtogether——itmustbebecausesheisphysicallyblindanddeaf。Alltheworld’sastage，andallthemenandwomenmerelyplayers；solongasweareingoodhealth，weplayourpartsoutbravelytotheend，actingthem，onthewhole，artisticallyandwithstrenuousness，eventotheextentofsometimesfancyingourselvesthepeoplewearepretendingtobe。Butwithsicknesscomesforgetfulnessofourpart，andcarelessnessoftheimpressionwearemakingupontheaudience。Wearetooweaktoputthepaintandpowderonourfaces，thestagefineryliesunheededbyourside。
　　Theheroicgestures，thevirtuoussentimentsareawearinesstous。
　　Inthequiet，darkenedroom，wherethefoot—lightsofthegreatstagenolongerglareuponus，whereourearsarenolongerstrainedtocatchtheclappingorthehissingofthetown，weare，forabriefspace，ourselves。
　　Thisnursewasaquiet，demurelittlewoman，withapairofdreamy，softgrayeyesthathadacuriouspowerofabsorbingeverythingthatpassedbeforethemwithoutseemingtolookatanything。Gazinguponmuchlife，laidbare，hadgiventothemaslightlycynicalexpression，buttherewasabackgroundofkindlinessbehind。
　　Duringtheeveningsofmyconvalescenceshewouldtalktomeofhernursingexperiences。IhavesometimesthoughtIwouldputdowninwritingthestoriesthatshetoldme，buttheywouldbesadreading。
　　Themajorityofthem，Ifear，wouldshowonlythetangled，seamysideofhumannature，andGodknowsthereislittleneedforustopointthatouttoeachother，thoughsomanynowadaysseemtothinkittheonlyworkworthdoing。Afewofthemweresweet，butIthinktheywerethesaddest；andoveroneortwoamanmightlaugh，butitwouldnotbeapleasantlaugh。
　　"IneverenterthedoorofahousetowhichIhavebeensummoned，"
　　shesaidtomeoneevening，"withoutwondering，asIstepoverthethreshold，whatthestoryisgoingtobe。Ialwaysfeelinsideasick—roomasifIwerebehindthescenesoflife。Thepeoplecomeandgoaboutyou，andyoulistentothemtalkingandlaughing，andyoulookintoyourpatient’seyes，andyoujustknowthatit’sallaplay。"
　　TheincidentthatJephson’sremarkhadremindedmeof，shetoldmeoneafternoon，asIsatproppedupbythefire，tryingtodrinkaglassofportwine，andfeelingsomewhatdepressedatdiscoveringI
　　didnotlikeit。
　　"Oneofmyfirstcases，"shesaid，"wasasurgicaloperation。Iwasveryyoungatthetime，andImaderatheranawkwardmistake——I
　　don’tmeanaprofessionalmistake——butamistakeneverthelessthatI
　　oughttohavehadmoresensethantomake。
　　"Mypatientwasagood—looking，pleasant—spokengentleman。Thewifewasapretty，darklittlewoman，butIneverlikedherfromthefirst；shewasoneofthoseperfectlyproper，frigidwomen，whoalwaysgivemetheideathattheywereborninachurch，andhavenevergotoverthechill。However，sheseemedveryfondofhim，andheofher；andtheytalkedveryprettilytoeachother——tooprettilyforittobequitegenuine，Ishouldhavesaid，ifI’dknownasmuchoftheworldthenasIdonow。
　　"Theoperationwasadifficultanddangerousone。WhenIcameondutyintheeveningIfoundhim，asIexpected，highlydelirious。I
　　kepthimasquietasIcould，buttowardsnineo’clock，asthedeliriumonlyincreased，Ibegantogetanxious。Ibentdownclosetohimandlistenedtohisravings。OverandoveragainIheardthename’Louise。’Whywouldn’t’Louise’cometohim？Itwassounkindofher——theyhaddugagreatpit，andwerepushinghimdownintoit—
　　—oh！whydidn’tshecomeandsavehim？Heshouldbesavedifshewouldonlycomeandtakehishand。
　　"HiscriesbecamesopitifulthatIcouldbearthemnolonger。Hiswifehadgonetoattendaprayer—meeting，butthechurchwasonlyinthenextstreet。Fortunately，theday—nursehadnotleftthehouse：
　　Icalledherintowatchhimforaminute，and，slippingonmybonnet，ranacross。Itoldmyerrandtooneofthevergersandhetookmetoher。Shewaskneeling，butIcouldnotwait。Ipushedopenthepewdoor，and，bendingdown，whisperedtoher，’Pleasecomeoveratonce；yourhusbandismoredeliriousthanIquitecareabout，andyoumaybeabletocalmhim。’
　　"Shewhisperedback，withoutraisingherhead，’I’llbeoverinalittlewhile。Themeetingwon’tlastmuchlonger。’
　　"Heranswersurprisedandnettledme。’You’llbeactingmorelikeaChristianwomanbycominghomewithme，’Isaidsharply，’thanbystoppinghere。Hekeepscallingforyou，andIcan’tgethimtosleep。’
　　"Sheraisedherheadfromherhands：’Callingforme？’sheasked，withaslightlyincredulousaccent。
　　"’Yes，’Ireplied，’ithasbeenhisonecryforthelasthour：
　　Where’sLouise，whydoesn’tLouisecometohim。’
　　"Herfacewasinshadow，butassheturneditaway，andthefaintlightfromoneoftheturned—downgas—jetsfellacrossit，IfanciedIsawasmileuponit，andIdislikedhermorethanever。
　　"’I’llcomebackwithyou，’shesaid，risingandputtingherbooksaway，andweleftthechurchtogether。
　　"Sheaskedmemanyquestionsontheway：Didpatients，whentheyweredelirious，knowthepeopleaboutthem？Didtheyrememberactualfacts，orwastheirtalkmereincoherentrambling？Couldoneguidetheirthoughtsinanyway？
　　"Themomentwewereinsidethedoor，sheflungoffherbonnetandcloak，andcameupstairsquicklyandsoftly。
　　"Shewalkedtothebedside，andstoodlookingdownathim，buthewasquiteunconsciousofherpresence，andcontinuedmuttering。I
　　suggestedthatsheshouldspeaktohim，butshesaidshewassureitwouldbeuseless，anddrawingachairbackintotheshadow，satdownbesidehim。
　　"Seeingshewasnogoodtohim，Itriedtopersuadehertogotobed，butshesaidshewouldratherstop，andI，beinglittlemorethanagirlthen，andwithoutmuchauthority，lether。Allnightlonghetossedandraved，theonenameonhislipsbeingeverLouise——Louise——andallnightlongthatwomansatthereintheshadow，nevermoving，neverspeaking，withasetsmileonherlipsthatmademelongtotakeherbytheshouldersandshakeher。
　　"Atonetimeheimaginedhimselfbackinhiscourtingdays，andpleaded，’Sayyouloveme，Louise。Iknowyoudo。Icanreaditinyoureyes。What’stheuseofourpretending？WeKNOWeachother。
　　Putyourwhitearmsaboutme。Letmefeelyourbreathuponmyneck。
　　Ah！Iknewit，mydarling，mylove！’
　　"Thewholehousewasdeadlystill，andIcouldheareverywordofhistroubledravings。IalmostfeltasifIhadnorighttobethere，listeningtothem，butmydutyheldme。Lateron，hefanciedhimselfplanningaholidaywithher，soIconcluded。’IshallstartonMondayevening，’hewassaying，andyoucanjoinmeinDublinatJackson’sHotelontheWednesday，andwe’llgostraighton。’
　　"Hisvoicegrewalittlefaint，andhiswifemovedforwardonherchair，andbentherheadclosertohislips。
　　"’No，no，’hecontinued，afterapause，’there’snodangerwhatever。
　　It’salonelylittleplace，rightintheheartoftheGalwayMountains——O’Mullen’sHalf—wayHousetheycallit——fivemilesfromBallynahinch。Weshan’tmeetasoulthere。We’llhavethreeweeksofheavenalltoourselves，mygoddess，myMrs。MaddoxfromBoston——
　　don’tforgetthename。’
　　"Helaughedinhisdelirium；andthewoman，sittingbyhisside，laughedalso；andthenthetruthflashedacrossme。
　　"Iranuptoherandcaughtherbythearm。’Yourname’snotLouise，’Isaid，lookingstraightather。Itwasanimpertinentinterference，butIfeltexcited，andactedonimpulse。
　　"’No，’shereplied，veryquietly；’butit’sthenameofaverydearschoolfriendofmine。I’vegottheclueto—nightthatI’vebeenwaitingtwoyearstoget。Good—night，nurse，thanksforfetchingme。’
　　"Sheroseandwentout，andIlistenedtoherfootstepsgoingdownthestairs，andthendrewuptheblindandletinthedawn。
　　"I’venevertoldthatincidenttoanyoneuntilthisevening，"mynurseconcluded，asshetooktheemptyportwineglassoutofmyhand，andstirredthefire。"Anursewouldn’tgetmanyengagementsifshehadthereputationformakingblundersofthatsort。"
　　Anotherstorythatshetoldmeshowedmarriedlifemorelovelit，butthen，assheadded，withthatcynicaltwinklewhichglintedsooddlyfromhergentle，demureeyes，thiscouplehadonlyveryrecentlybeenwed——had，infact，onlyjustreturnedfromtheirhoneymoon。
　　TheyhadbeentravellingontheContinent，andtherehadbothcontractedtyphoidfever，whichshoweditselfimmediatelyontheirhome—coming。
　　"Iwascalledintothemontheverydayoftheirarrival，"shesaid；"thehusbandwasthefirsttotaketohisbed，andthewifefollowedsuittwelvehoursafterwards。Weplacedtheminadjoiningrooms，and，asoftenaswaspossible，weleftthedoorajarsothattheycouldcallouttooneanother。
　　"Poorthings！Theywerelittleelsethanboyandgirl，andtheyworriedmoreabouteachotherthantheythoughtaboutthemselves。
　　Thewife’sonlytroublewasthatshewouldn’tbeabletodoanythingfor’poorJack。’’Oh，nurse，youwillbegoodtohim，won’tyou？’
　　shewouldcry，withherbigchildisheyesfulloftears；andthemomentIwentintohimitwouldbe：’Oh，don’ttroubleaboutme，nurse，I’mallright。Justlookafterthewifie，willyou？’
　　"Ihadahardtimebetweenthetwoofthem，for，withthehelpofhersister，Iwasnursingthemboth。Itwasanunprofessionalthingtodo，butIcouldseetheywerenotwelloff，andIassuredthedoctorthatIcouldmanage。Tomeitwasworthwhilegoingthroughthedoubleworkjusttobreathetheatmosphereofunselfishnessthatsweetenedthosetwosick—rooms。Theaverageinvalidisnotthepatientsuffererpeopleimagine。Itisafretful，querulous，self—
　　pityinglittleworldthatweliveinasarule，andthatwegrowhardin。Itgavemeanewheart，nursingtheseyoungpeople。
　　"Themanpulledthrough，andbegansteadilytorecover，butthewifewasaweeslipofagirl，andherstrength——whattherewasofit——
　　ebbeddaybyday。Ashegotstrongerhewouldcalloutmoreandmorecheerfullytoherthroughtheopendoor，andaskherhowshewasgettingon，andshewouldstruggletocallbacklaughinganswers。Ithadbeenamistaketoputthemnexttoeachother，andIblamedmyselfforhavingdoneso，butitwastoolatetochangethen。Allwecoulddowastobeghernottoexhaustherself，andtoletus，whenhecalledout，tellhimshewasasleep。Butthethoughtofnotansweringhimorcallingtohimmadehersowretchedthatitseemedsafertoletherhaveherway。
　　"Heroneanxietywasthatheshouldnotknowhowweakshewas。’Itwillworryhimso，’shewouldsay；’heissuchanoldfidgetoverme。AndIAMgettingstronger，slowly；ain’tI，nurse？’
　　"Onemorninghecalledouttoher，asusual，askingherhowshewas，andsheanswered，thoughshehadtowaitforafewsecondstogatherstrengthtodoso。Heseemedtodetecttheeffort，forhecalledbackanxiously，’AreyouSUREyou’reallright，dear？’
　　"’Yes，’shereplied，’gettingonfamously。Why？’
　　"’Ithoughtyourvoicesoundedalittleweak，dear，’heanswered；
　　’don’tcalloutifittriesyou。’
　　"Thenforthefirsttimeshebegantoworryaboutherself——notforherownsake，butbecauseofhim。
　　"’DoyouthinkIAMgettingweaker，nurse？’sheaskedme，fixinghergreateyesonmewithafrightenedlook。
　　"’You’remakingyourselfweakbycallingout，’Ianswered，alittlesharply。’Ishallhavetokeepthatdoorshut。’
　　"’Oh，don’ttellhim’——thatwasallherthought——’don’tlethimknowit。TellhimI’mstrong，won’tyou，nurse？ItwillkillhimifhethinksI’mnotgettingwell。’
　　"Iwasgladwhenhersistercameup，andIcouldgetoutoftheroom，foryou’renotmuchgoodatnursingwhenyoufeel，asIfeltthen，asthoughyouhadswallowedatablespoonanditwasstickinginyourthroat。
　　"Lateron，whenIwentintohim，hedrewmetothebedside，andwhisperedmetotellhimtrulyhowshewas。Ifyouaretellingalieatall，youmayjustaswellmakeitagoodone，soItoldhimshewasreallywonderfullywell，onlyalittleexhaustedaftertheillness，aswasnatural，andthatIexpectedtohaveherupbeforehim。
　　"Poorlad！thatliedidhimmoregoodthanaweek’sdoctoringandnursing；andnextmorninghecalledoutmorecheerilythanevertoher，andofferedtobetheranewbonnetagainstanewhatthathewouldraceher，andbeupfirst。
　　"Shelaughedbackquitemerrily（Iwasinhisroomatthetime）。
　　’Allright，’shesaid，’you’lllose。Ishallbewellfirst，andI
　　shallcomeandvisityou。’
　　"Herlaughwassobright，andhervoicesoundedsomuchstronger，thatIreallybegantothinkshehadtakenaturnforthebetter，sothatwhenongoingintoherIfoundherpillowwetwithtears，I
　　couldnotunderstandit。
　　"’Why，weweresocheerfuljustaminuteago，’Isaid；’what’sthematter？’
　　"’Oh，poorJack！’shemoaned，asherlittle，wastedfingersopenedandcloseduponthecounterpane。’PoorJack，itwillbreakhisheart。’
　　"Itwasnogoodmysayinganything。Therecomesamomentwhensomethingtellsyourpatientallthatistobeknownaboutthecase，andthedoctorandthenursecankeeptheirhopefulassurancesforwheretheywillbeofmoreuse。Theonlythingthatwouldhavebroughtcomforttoherthenwouldhavebeentoconvinceherthathewouldsoonforgetherandbehappywithouther。Ithoughtitatthetime，andItriedtosaysomethingofthekindtoher，butI
　　couldn’tgetitout，andshewouldn’thavebelievedmeifIhad。
　　"SoallIcoulddowastogobacktotheotherroom，andtellhimthatIwantedhertogotosleep，andthathemustnotcallouttoheruntilItoldhim。
　　"Shelayverystillallday。Thedoctorcameathisusualhourandlookedather。Hepattedherhand，andjustglancedattheuntouchedfoodbesideher。
　　"’Yes，’hesaid，quietly。’Ishouldn’tworryher，nurse。’AndI
　　understood。
　　"Towardseveningsheopenedhereyes，andbeckonedtohersister，whowasstandingbythebedside，tobenddown。
　　"’Jeanie，’shewhispered，’doyouthinkitwrongtodeceiveanyonewhenit’sfortheirowngood？’
　　"’Idon’tknow，’saidthegirl，inadryvoice；’Ishouldn’tthinkso。Whydoyouask？’
　　"’Jeanie，yourvoicewasalwaysverymuchlikemine——doyouremember，theyusedtomistakeusathome。Jeanie，calloutforme—
　　—justtill——tillhe’sabitbetter；promiseme。’
　　"Theyhadlovedeachother，thosetwo，morethaniscommonamongsisters。Jeaniecouldnotanswer，butshepressedhersistercloserinherarms，andtheotherwassatisfied。
　　"Then，drawingallherlittlestockoflifetogetherforonefinaleffort，thechildraisedherselfinhersister’sarms。
　　"’Good—night，Jack，’shecalledout，loudandclearenoughtobeheardthroughthecloseddoor。
　　"’Good—night，littlewife，’hecriedback，cheerily；’areyouallright？’
　　"’Yes，dear。Good—night。’
　　"Herlittle，worn—outframedroppedbackuponthebed，andthenextthingIrememberissnatchingupapillow，andholdingittight—
　　pressedagainstJeanie’sfaceforfearthesoundofhersobsshouldpenetrateintothenextroom；andafterwardswebothgotout，somehow，bytheotherdoor，andrusheddownstairs，andclungtoeachotherinthebackkitchen。
　　"Howwetwowomenmanagedtokeepupthedeceit，as，forthreewholedays，wedid，Ishallnevermyselfknow。Jeaniesatintheroomwhereherdeadsister，fromitsheadtoitssticking—upfeet，layoutlinedunderthewhitesheet；andIstayedbesidethelivingman，andtoldliesandactedlies，tillItookajoyinthem，andhadtoguardagainstthedangerofover—elaboratingthem。
　　"Hewonderedatwhathethoughtmy’newmerrymood，’andItoldhimitwasbecauseofmydelightthathiswifewasoutofdanger；andthenIwentonforthepuredevilmentofthething，andtoldhimthataweekago，whenwehadlethimthinkhiswifewasgrowingstronger，wehadbeendeceivinghim；that，asamatteroffact，shewasatthattimeingreatperil，andIhadbeeninhourlyalarmconcerningher，butthatnowthestrainwasover，andshewassafe；
　　andIdroppeddownbythefootofthebed，andburstintoafitoflaughter，andhadtoclutchholdofthebedsteadtokeepmyselffromrollingonthefloor。
　　"HehadstartedupinbedwithawildwhitefacewhenJeaniehadfirstansweredhimfromtheotherroom，thoughthesisters’voiceshadbeensouncannilyalikethatIhadneverbeenabletodistinguishonefromtheotheratanytime。Itoldhimtheslightchangewastheresultofthefever，thathisownvoicealsowaschangedalittle，andthatsuchwasalwaysthecasewithapersonrecoveringfromalongillness。Toguidehisthoughtsawayfromtherealclue，ItoldhimJeaniehadbrokendownwiththelongwork，andthat，theneedforherbeingpast，Ihadpackedheroffintothecountryforashortrest。Thatafternoonweconcoctedalettertohim，andIwatchedJeanie’seyeswithatowelinmyhandwhileshewroteit，sothatnotearsshouldfallonit，andthatnightshetravelledtwentymilesdowntheGreatWesternlinetopostit，returningbythenextup—train。
　　"Nosuspicionofthetrutheveroccurredtohim，andthedoctorhelpedusoutwithourdeception；yethispulse，whichdaybydayhadbeengettingstronger，nowbeatfeeblereveryhour。InthatpartofthecountrywhereIwasbornandgrewup，thefolkssaythatwhereverthedeadlie，thereroundaboutthem，whetherthetimebesummerorwinter，theairgrowscoldandcolder，andthatnofire，thoughyoupilethelogshalf—wayupthechimney，willevermakeitwarm。Afewmonths’hospitaltraininggenerallycuresoneofallfancifulnotionsaboutdeath，butthisideaIhaveneverbeenabletogetridof。Mythermometermayshowmesixty，andImaytrytobelievethatthetemperatureISsixty，butifthedeadarebesidemeIfeelcoldtothemarrowofmybones。IcouldSEEthechillfromthedeadroomcrawlingunderneaththedoor，andcreepingupabouthisbed，andreachingoutitshandtotouchhisheart。
　　"JeanieandIredoubledourefforts，foritseemedtousasifDeathwerewaitingjustoutsideinthepassage，watchingwithhiseyeatthekeyholeforeitherofustomakeablunderandletthetruthslipout。Ihardlyeverlefthissideexceptnowandagaintogointothatnextroom，andpokeanimaginaryfire，andsayafewchaffingwordstoanimaginarylivingwomanonthebedwherethedeadonelay；andJeaniesatclosetothecorpse，andcalledoutsaucymessagestohim，orreassuringanswerstohisanxiousquestions。
　　"Attimes，knowingthatifwestoppedanothermomentintheseroomsweshouldscream，wewouldstealsoftlyoutandrushdownstairs，and，shuttingourselvesoutofhearinginacellarunderneaththeyard，laughtillwereeledagainstthedirtywalls。Ithinkwewerebothgettingalittlemad。
　　"Oneday——itwasthethirdofthatnightmarelife，soIlearnedafterwards，thoughforallIcouldhavetoldthenitmighthavebeenthethreehundredth，forTimeseemedtohavefledfromthathouseasfromadream，sothatallthingsweretangled——Imadeaslipthatcameneartoendingthematter，thenandthere。
　　"Ihadgoneintothatotherroom。Jeaniehadleftherpostforamoment，andtheplacewasempty。
　　"IdidnotthinkwhatIwasdoing。IhadnotclosedmyeyesthatI
　　canremembersincethewifehaddied，andmybrainandmysenseswerelosingtheirholdofoneanother。Iwentthroughmyusualperformanceoftalkingloudlytothethingunderneaththewhitesheet，andnoisilypattingthepillowsandrattlingthebottlesonthetable。
　　"Onmyreturn，heaskedmehowshewas，andIanswered，halfinadream，’Oh，bonny，she’stryingtoreadalittle，’andheraisedhimselfonhiselbowandcalledouttoher，andforanswertherecamebacksilence——notthesilencethatISsilence，butthesilencethatisasavoice。IdonotknowifyouunderstandwhatImeanbythat。IfyouhadlivedamongthedeadaslongasIhave，youwouldknow。
　　"Idartedtothedoorandpretendedtolookin。’She’sfallenasleep，’Iwhispered，closingit；andhesaidnothing，buthiseyeslookedqueerlyatme。
　　"Thatnight，JeanieandIstoodinthehalltalking。Hehadfallentosleepearly，andIhadlockedthedoorbetweenthetworooms，andputthekeyinmypocket，andhadstolendowntotellherwhathadhappened，andtoconsultwithher。
　　"’Whatcanwedo！Godhelpus，whatcanwedo！’wasallthatJeaniecouldsay。Wehadthoughtthatinadayortwohewouldbestronger，andthatthetruthmightbebrokentohim。Butinsteadofthathehadgrownsoweak，thattoexcitehissuspicionsnowbymovinghimorherwouldbetokillhim。
　　"Westoodlookingblanklyineachother’sfaces，wonderinghowtheproblemcouldbesolved；andwhilewedidsotheproblemsolveditself。
　　"Theonewoman—servanthadgoneout，andthehousewasverysilent——
　　sosilentthatIcouldhearthetickingofJeanie’swatchinsideherdress。Suddenly，intothestillnesstherecameasound。Itwasnotacry。Itcamefromnohumanvoice。IhaveheardthevoiceofhumanpaintillIknowitseverynote，andhavegrowncarelesstoit；butIhaveprayedGodonmykneesthatImayneverhearthatsoundagain，foritwasthesobofasoul。
　　"Itwailedthroughthequiethouseandpassedaway，andneitherofusstirred。
　　"Atlength，withthereturnofthebloodtoourveins，wewentupstairstogether。Hehadcreptfromhisownroomalongthepassageintohers。Hehadnothadstrengthenoughtopullthesheetoff，thoughhehadtried。Helayacrossthebedwithonehandgraspinghers。"
　　Mynursesatforawhilewithoutspeaking，asomewhatunusualthingforhertodo。
　　"Yououghttowriteyourexperiences，"Isaid。
　　"Ah！"shesaid，givingthefireacontemplativepoke，"ifyou’dseenasmuchsorrowintheworldasIhave，youwouldn’twanttowriteasadbook。"
　　"Ithink，"sheadded，afteralongpause，withthepokerstillinherhand，"itcanonlybethepeoplewhohaveneverKNOWNsufferingwhocancaretoreadofit。IfIcouldwriteabook，Ishouldwriteamerrybook——abookthatwouldmakepeoplelaugh。"
　　CHAPTERIX
　　Thediscussionaroseinthisway。Ihadproposedamatchbetweenourvillainandthedaughterofthelocalchemist，asingularlynobleandpure—mindedgirl，thehumblebutworthyfriendoftheheroine。
　　Brownhadrefusedhisconsentonthegroundofimprobability。"WhatinthunderwouldinducehimtomarryHER？"heasked。
　　"Love！"Ireplied；"love，thatburnsasbrightlyinthemeanestvillain’sbreastasintheproudheartofthegoodyoungman。"
　　"Areyoutryingtobelightandamusing，"returnedBrown，severely，"orareyousupposedtobediscussingthematterseriously？WhatattractioncouldsuchagirlhaveforsuchamanasReubenNeil？"
　　"Everyattraction，"Iretorted。"Sheistheexactmoralcontrasttohimself。Sheisbeautiful（ifshe’snotbeautifulenough，wecantouchherupabit），and，whenthefatherdies，therewillbetheshop。"
　　"Besides，"Iadded，"itwillmakethethingseemmorenaturalifeverybodywonderswhatonearthcouldhavebeenthereasonfortheirmarryingeachother。"
　　Brownwastednofurtherwordsonme，butturnedtoMacShaughnassy。
　　"CanYOUimagineourfriendReubenseizedwithaburningdesiretomarryMaryHolme？"heasked，withasmile。
　　"OfcourseIcan，"saidMacShaughnassy；"Icanimagineanything，andbelieveanythingofanybody。Itisonlyinnovelsthatpeopleactreasonablyandinaccordancewithwhatmightbeexpectedofthem。I
　　knewanoldsea—captainwhousedtoreadtheYoungLadies’Journalinbed，andcryoverit。IknewabookmakerwhoalwayscarriedBrowning’spoemsaboutwithhiminhispockettostudyinthetrain。
　　IhaveknownaHarleyStreetdoctortodevelopatforty—eightasuddenandovermasteringpassionforswitchbacks，andtospendeveryhourhecouldsparefromhispracticeatoneorotheroftheexhibitions，havingthree—pen’orthsoneaftertheother。Ihaveknownabook—reviewergiveoranges（notpoisonedones）tochildren。
　　Amanisnotacharacter，heisadozencharacters，oneofthemprominent，theotherelevenmoreorlessundeveloped。Iknewamanonce，twoofwhosecharacterswereofequalvalue，andtheconsequenceswerepeculiar。"
　　Webeggedhimtorelatethecasetous，andhedidso。
　　"HewasaBalliolman，"saidMacShaughnassy，"andhisChristiannamewasJoseph。Hewasamemberofthe’Devonshire’atthetimeIknewhim，andwas，Ithink，themostsuperiorpersonIhaveevermet。HesneeredattheSaturdayReviewasthepetjournalofthesuburbanliteraryclub；andattheAthenaeumasthetradeorganoftheunsuccessfulwriter。Thackeray，heconsidered，wasfairlyentitledtohispositionoffavouriteauthortotheculturedclerk；andCarlyleheregardedastheexponentoftheearnestartisan。Livingauthorsheneverread，butthisdidnotpreventhiscriticisingthemcontemptuously。TheonlyinhabitantsofthenineteenthcenturythatheeverpraisedwereafewobscureFrenchnovelists，ofwhomnobodybuthimselfhadeverheard。HehadhisownopinionaboutGodAlmighty，andobjectedtoHeavenonaccountofthestrongClaphamcontingentlikelytobefoundinresidencethere。Humourmadehimsad，andsentimentmadehimill。Artirritatedhimandscienceboredhim。Hedespisedhisownfamilyanddislikedeverybodyelse。
　　Forexerciseheyawned，andhisconversationwasmainlyconfinedtoanoccasionalshrug。
　　"Nobodylikedhim，buteverybodyrespectedhim。Onefeltgratefultohimforhiscondescensioninlivingatall。
　　"Onesummer，IwasfishingovertheNorfolkBroads，andontheBankHoliday，thinkingIwouldliketoseetheLondon’Arryinhisglory，IranovertoYarmouth。Walkingalongthesea—frontintheevening，Isuddenlyfoundmyselfconfrontedbyfourremarkablychoicespecimensoftheclass。Theywereurgingontheirwildanderraticcareerarm—in—arm。Theonenearesttheroadwasplayinganunusuallywheezyconcertina，andtheotherthreewerebawlingoutthechorusofamusic—hallsong，theheroineofwhichappearedtobe’Hemmer。’
　　Theyspreadthemselvesrightacrossthepavement，compellingallthewomenandchildrentheymettostepintotheroadway。Istoodmygroundonthekerb，andastheybrushedbymesomethinginthefaceoftheonewiththeconcertinastruckmeasfamiliar。
　　"Iturnedandfollowedthem。Theywereevidentlyenjoyingthemselvesimmensely。Toeverygirltheypassedtheyyelledout，’Oh，youlittlejamtart！’andeveryoldladytheyaddressedas’Mar。’Thenoisiestandthemostvulgarofthefourwastheonewiththeconcertina。
　　"Ifollowedthemontothepier，andthen，hurryingpast，waitedforthemunderagas—lamp。WhenthemanwiththeconcertinacameintothelightandIsawhimclearlyIstarted。FromthefaceIcouldhaveswornitwasJoseph；buteverythingelseabouthimrenderedsuchanassumptionimpossible。Puttingasidethetimeandtheplace，andforgettinghisbehaviour，hiscompanions，andhisinstrument，whatremainedwassufficienttomakethesuggestionabsurd。Josephwasalwayscleanshaven；thisyouthhadasmudgymoustacheandapairofincipientredwhiskers。HewasdressedintheloudestchecksuitIhaveeverseen，offthestage。Heworepatent—leatherbootswithmother—of—pearlbuttons，andanecktiethatinanearlieragewouldhavecalleddownlightningoutofHeaven。Hehadalow—crownedbillycockhatonhishead，andabigevil—smellingcigarbetweenhislips。
　　"ArgueasIwould，however，thefacewasthefaceofJoseph；and，movedbyacuriosityIcouldnotcontrol，Ikeptnearhim，watchinghim。
　　"Once，foralittlewhile，Imissedhim；buttherewasnotmuchfearoflosingthatsuitforlong，andafteralittlelookingaboutI
　　struckitagain。Hewassittingattheendofthepier，whereitwaslesscrowded，withhisarmroundagirl’swaist。Icreptclose。
　　Shewasajolly，red—facedgirl，good—lookingenough，butcommontothelastdegree。Herhatlayontheseatbesideher，andherheadwasrestingonhisshoulder。Sheappearedtobefondofhim，buthewasevidentlybored。
　　"’Don’tcherlikeme，Joe？’Iheardhermurmur。
　　"’Yas，’hereplied，somewhatunconvincingly，’o’courseIlikesyer。’
　　"Shegavehimanaffectionateslap，buthedidnotrespond，andafewminutesafterwards，mutteringsomeexcuse，heroseandlefther，andIfollowedhimashemadehiswaytowardstherefreshment—room。
　　Atthedoorhemetoneofhispals。
　　"’Hullo！’wasthequestion，’wot’ayerdonewi’’Liza？’
　　"’Oh，Icarn’tstand’er，’washisreply；’shegivesmethebloomin’
　　’ump。You’aveaturnwith’er。’
　　"Hisfrienddisappearedinthedirectionof’Liza，andJoepushedintotheroom，Ikeepingclosebehindhim。NowthathewasaloneI
　　wasdeterminedtospeaktohim。ThelongerIhadstudiedhisfeaturesthemoreresemblanceIhadfoundinthemtothoseofmysuperiorfriendJoseph。
　　"Hewasleaningacrossthebar，clamouringfortwoofgin，whenI
　　tappedhimontheshoulder。Heturnedhishead，andthemomenthesawme，hisfacewentlivid。
　　"’Mr。JosephSmythe，Ibelieve，’Isaidwithasmile。
　　"’Who’sMr。JosephSmythe？’heansweredhoarsely；’myname’sSmith，Iain’tnobloomin’Smythe。Whoareyou？Idon’tknowyer。’
　　"Ashespoke，myeyesresteduponacuriousgoldringofIndianworkmanshipwhichheworeuponhislefthand。Therewasnomistakingthering，atallevents：ithadbeenpassedroundtheclubonmorethanoneoccasionasauniquecuriosity。Hiseyesfollowedmygaze。Heburstintotears，andpushingmebeforehimintoaquietcornerofthesaloon，satdownfacingme。
　　"’Don’tgivemeaway，oldman，’hewhimpered；’forGawd’ssake，don’tletontoanyofthechaps’erethatI’mamemberofthatblessedoldwaxworkshowinSaintJames’s：they’dneverspeaktomeagen。AndkeepyermugshutaboutOxford，there’sagoodsort。I
　　wouldn’t’ave’emknowas’owIwasoneo’themcollegeblokesforanythink。’
　　"Isataghast。Ihadlistenedtohearhimentreatmetokeep’Smith，’therorty’Arry，asecretfromtheacquaintancesof’Smythe，’thesuperiorperson。Herewas’Smith’inmortalterrorlesthispalsshouldhearofhisidentitywiththearistocratic’Smythe，’anddiscardhim。Hisattitudepuzzledmeatthetime，but，whenIcametoreflect，mywonderwasatmyselfforhavingexpectedtheopposite。
　　"’Icarn’t’elpit，’hewenton；’I’avetolivetwolives。’ArfmytimeI’mastuck—upprig，asorterbejollywellkicked——’
　　"’Atwhichtimes，’Iinterrupted，’Ihaveheardyouexpresssomeextremelyuncomplimentaryopinionsconcerning’Arries。’
　　"’Iknow，’hereplied，inavoicebetrayingstrongemotion；’that’swhereit’ssopreciousroughonme。WhenI’matoffIdespisesmyself，’cosIknowsthatunderneathmysneeringphizI’mabloomin’
　　’Arry。WhenI’man’Arry，I’atesmyself’cosIknowsI’matoff。’
　　"’Can’tyoudecidewhichcharacteryouprefer，andsticktoit？’I
　　asked。
　　"’No，’heanswered，’Icarn’t。It’sarumthing，butwhicheverI
　　am，sureasfate，’bouttheendofamonthIbegintogetsicko’
　　myself。’
　　"’Icanquiteunderstandit，’Imurmured；’Ishouldgivewaymyselfinafortnight。’
　　"’I’vebeenmyself，now，’hecontinued，withoutnoticingmyremark，’forsomethin’liketendays。Onemornin’，in’boutthreeweeks’
　　time，IshallgetupinmydigginsintheMileEndRoad，andIshalllookroundtheroom，andattheseclothes’angin’overthebed，andatthisyerconcertina’（hegaveitanaffectionatesqueeze），’andI
　　shallfeelmyselfgettin’scarletallover。ThenIshalljumpouto’bed，andlookatmyselfintheglass。"Youhowlinglittlecad，"
　　Ishallsaytomyself，"Ihavehalfamindtostrangleyou"；andI
　　shallshavemyself，andputonaquietbluesergesuitandabowler’at，tellmylandladytokeepmyroomsformetillIcomesback，slipouto’the’ouse，andintothefust’ansomImeets，andbacktotheHalbany。Andamontharterthat，IshallcomeintomychambersattheHalbany，flingVoltaireandPariniintothefire，shyme’atatthebustofgoodold’Omer，sliponmybluesuitagen，andbacktotheMileEndRoad。’
　　"’Howdoyouexplainyourabsencetobothparties？’Iasked。
　　"’Oh，that’ssimpleenough，’hereplied。’Ijusttellsmy’ousekeeperattheHalbanyasI’mgoin’ontheContinong；andmymates’erethinksI’matraveller。’
　　"’Nobodymissesmemuch，’headded，pathetically；’Ihain’tapartic’larlyfetchin’sorto’bloke，eitherofme。I’msichanout—
　　and—outer。WhenI’man’Arry，I’mtoomuchofan’Arry，andwhenI’maprig，I’mareg’larfustprizeprig。SeemstomeasifIwastwoendsofamanwithoutanymiddle。IfIcouldonlymixmyselfupabitmore，I’dbeallright。’
　　"Hesniffedonceortwice，andthenhelaughed。’Ah，well，’hesaid，castingasidehismomentarygloom；’it’sallagame，andwot’stheoddssolongasyer’appy。’Aveawet？’
　　"Ideclinedthewet，andlefthimplayingsentimentalairstohimselfupontheconcertina。
　　"Oneafternoon，aboutamonthlater，theservantcametomewithacardonwhichwasengravedthenameof’Mr。JosephSmythe。’I
　　requestedhertoshowhimup。Heenteredwithhisusualairoflanguidsuperciliousness，andseatedhimselfinagracefulattitudeuponthesofa。
　　"’Well，’Isaid，assoonasthegirlhadclosedthedoorbehindher，’soyou’vegotridofSmith？’
　　"Asicklysmilepassedoverhisface。’Youhavenotmentionedittoanyone？’heaskedanxiously。
　　"’Nottoasoul，’Ireplied；’thoughIconfessIoftenfeeltemptedto。’
　　"’Isincerelytrustyouneverwill，’hesaid，inatoneofalarm。
　　’Youcanhavenoconceptionofthemiserythewholethingcausesme。
　　Icannotunderstandit。Whatpossibleaffinitytherecanbebetweenmyselfandthatdisgustinglittlesnobpassesmycomprehension。I
　　assureyou，mydearMac，theknowledgethatIwasaghoul，oravampire，wouldcausemelessnauseathanthereflectionthatIamoneandthesamewiththatodiouslittleWhitechapelbounder。WhenIthinkofhimeverynerveinmybody——’
　　"’Don’tthinkabouthimanymore，’Iinterrupted，perceivinghisstrongly—suppressedemotion。’Youdidn’tcomeheretotalkabouthim，I’msure。Letusdismisshim。’
　　"’Well，’hereplied，’inacertainroundaboutwayitisslightlyconnectedwithhim。Thatisreallymyexcuseforinflictingthesubjectuponyou。YouaretheonlymanICANspeaktoaboutit——ifIshallnotboreyou？’
　　"’Notintheleast，’Isaid。’Iammostinterested。’Ashestillhesitated，Iaskedhimpoint—blankwhatitwas。
　　"Heappearedembarrassed。’Itisreallyveryabsurdofme，’hesaid，whilethefaintestsuspicionofpinkcrossedhisusuallycolourlessface；’butIfeelImusttalktosomebodyaboutit。Thefactis，mydearMac，Iaminlove。’
　　"’Capital！’Icried；’I’mdelightedtohearit。’（Ithoughtitmightmakeamanofhim。）’DoIknowthelady？’
　　"’Iaminclinedtothinkyoumusthaveseenher，’hereplied；’shewaswithmeonthepieratYarmouththateveningyoumetme。’
　　"’Not’Liza！’Iexclaimed。
　　"’Thatwasshe，’heanswered；’MissElizabethMuggins。’Hedweltlovinglyuponthename。