Playmorefound？Forme，thetrueinterestofthenarrativewasthere——andtothatportionofitIeagerlyturnednext。
Theyhadproceededmethodically，ofcourse，withoneeyeonthepounds，shillings，andpence，andtheotherontheobjectinview。InBenjamin，thelawyerhadfoundwhathehadnotmetwithinme——asympatheticmind，alivetothevalueof"anabstractoftheexpenses，"andconsciousofthatmostremunerativeofhumanvirtues，thevirtueofeconomy。
Atsomuchaweek，theyhadengagedmentodigintothemoundandtosifttheashes。Atsomuchaweek，theyhadhiredatenttosheltertheopendust—heapfromwindandweather。Atsomuchaweek，theyhadengagedtheservicesofayoungman（personallyknowntoBenjamin），whowasemployedinalaboratoryunderaprofessorofchemistry，andwhohaddistinguishedhimselfbyhisskillfulmanipulationofpaperinarecentcaseofforgeryonawell—knownLondonfirm。Armedwiththesepreparations，theyhadbegunthework；BenjaminandtheyoungchemistlivingatGleninch，andtakingitinturnstosuperintendtheproceedings。
Threedaysoflaborwiththespadeandthesieveproducednoresultsoftheslightestimportance。However，thematterwasinthehandsoftwoquietlydeterminedmen。Theydeclinedtobediscouraged。Theywenton。
Onthefourthdaythefirstmorselsofpaperwerefound。
Uponexamination，theyprovedtobethefragmentsofatradesman’sprospectus。Nothingdismayed，Benjaminandtheyoungchemiststillpersevered。Attheendoftheday’sworkmorepiecesofpaperwereturnedup。Theseprovedtobecoveredwithwrittencharacters。Mr。Playmore（arrivingatGleninch，asusual，everyeveningontheconclusionofhislaborsinthelaw）wasconsultedastothehandwriting。Aftercarefulexamination，hedeclaredthatthemutilatedportionsofsentencessubmittedtohimhadbeenwritten，beyondalldoubt，byEustaceMacallan’sfirstwife！
Thisdiscoveryarousedtheenthusiasmofthesearcherstofeverheight。
Spadesandsieveswerefromthatmomentforbiddenutensils。
Howeverunpleasantthetaskmightbe，handsalonewereusedinthefurtherexaminationofthemound。Thefirstandforemostnecessitywastoplacethemorselsofpaper（inflatcardboardboxespreparedforthepurpose）intheirorderastheywerefound。Nightcame；thelaborersweredismissed；Benjaminandhistwocolleaguesworkedonbylamplight。Themorselsofpaperwerenowturnedupbydozens，insteadofbyonesandtwos。Forawhilethesearchprosperedinthisway；andthenthemorselsappearednomore。Hadtheyallbeenrecovered？orwouldrenewedhand—diggingyieldmoreyet？Thenextlightlayersofrubbishwerecarefullyremoved——andthegranddiscoveryofthedayfollowed。There（upsidedown）wasthegum—bottlewhichthelodge—keeper’sdaughterhadspokenof。And，morepreciousstill，there，underit，weremorefragmentsofwrittenpaper，allstucktogetherinalittlelump，bythelastdrippingsfromthegum—bottledroppinguponthemastheylayonthedust—heap！
Thescenenowshiftedtotheinteriorofthehouse。WhenthesearchersnextassembledtheymetatthegreattableinthelibraryatGleninch。
Benjamin’sexperiencewiththe"Puzzles"whichhehadputtogetherinthedaysofhisboyhoodprovedtobeofsomeusetohiscompanions。Thefragmentsaccidentallystucktogetherwould，inallprobability，befoundtofiteachother，andwouldcertainly（inanycase）betheeasiestfragmentstoreconstructasacentertostartfrom。
Thedelicatebusinessofseparatingthesepiecesofpaper，andofpreservingthemintheorderinwhichtheyhadadheredtoeachother，wasassignedtothepracticedfingersofthechemist。Butthedifficultiesofhistaskdidnotendhere。Thewritingwas（asusualinletters）tracedonbothsidesofthepaper，anditcouldonlybepreservedforthepurposeofreconstructionbysplittingeachmorselintotwo——soasartificiallytomakeablankside，onwhichcouldbespreadthefinecementusedforreunitingthefragmentsintheiroriginalform。
ToMr。PlaymoreandBenjamintheprospectofsuccessfullyputtingthelettertogether，underthesedisadvantages，seemedtobealmosthopeless。Theirskilledcolleaguesoonsatisfiedthemthattheywerewrong。
Hedrewtheirattentiontothethicknessofthepaper——note—paperofthestrongestandbestquality——onwhichthewritingwastraced。Itwasofmorethantwicethesubstanceofthelastpaperonwhichhehadoperated，whenhewasengagedintheforgeryease；anditwas，onthataccount，comparativelyeasyforhim（aidedbythemechanicalapplianceswhichhehadbroughtfromLondon）tosplitthemorselsofthetornpaper，withinagivenspaceoftimewhichmightpermitthemtobeginthereconstructionoftheletterthatnight。
Withtheseexplanations，hequietlydevotedhimselftohiswork。
WhileBenjaminandthelawyerwerestillporingoverthescatteredmorselsoftheletterwhichhadbeenfirstdiscovered，andtryingtopiecethemtogetheragain，thechemisthaddividedthegreaterpartofthefragmentsspeciallyconfidedtohimintotwohalveseach；andhadcorrectlyputtogethersomefiveorsixsentencesoftheletteronthesmoothsheetofcardboardpreparedforthatpurpose。
Theylookedeagerlyatthereconstructedwritingsofar。
Itwascorrectlydone：thesensewasperfect。Thefirstresultgainedbyexaminationwasremarkableenoughtorewardthemforalltheirexertions。ThelanguageusedplainlyidentifiedthepersontowhomthelateMrs。Eustacehadaddressedherletter。
Thatpersonwas——myhusband。
Andtheletterthusaddressed——iftheplainestcircumstantialevidencecouldbetrusted——wasidenticalwiththeletterwhichMiserrimusDexterhadsuppresseduntiltheTrialwasover，andhadthendestroyedbytearingitup。
ThesewerethediscoveriesthathadbeenmadeatthetimewhenBenjaminwrotetome。Hehadbeenonthepointofpostinghisletter，whenMr。Playmorehadsuggestedthatheshouldkeepitbyhimforafewdayslonger，onthechanceofhavingmorestilltotellme。
"Weareindebtedtoherfortheseresults，"thelawyerhadsaid。
"Butforherresolution；andherinfluenceoverMiserrimusDexter，weshouldneverhavediscoveredwhatthedust—heapwashidingfromus——weshouldneverhaveseensomuchasaglimmeringofthetruth。Shehasthefirstclaimtothefullestinformation。
Letherhaveit。"
Theletterhadbeenaccordinglykeptbackforthreedays。Thatintervalbeingatanend，itwashurriedlyresumedandconcludedintermswhichindescribablyalarmedme。
"Thechemistisadvancingrapidlywithhispartofthework"
（Benjaminwrote）；"andIhavesucceededinputtingtogetheraseparateportionofthetornwritingwhichmakessense。
ComparisonofwhathehasaccomplishedwithwhatIhaveaccomplishedhasledtostartlingconclusions。UnlessMr。
PlaymoreandIareentirelywrong（andGodgrantwemaybeso！），thereisaseriousnecessityforyourkeepingthereconstructionoftheletterstrictlysecretfromeverybodyaboutyou。ThedisclosuressuggestedbywhathascometolightaresoheartrendingandsodreadfulthatIcannotbringmyselftowriteaboutthemuntilIamabsolutelyobligedtodoso。Pleaseforgivemefordisturbingyouwiththisnews。Wearebound，soonerorlater，toconsultwithyouinthematter；andwethinkitrighttoprepareyourmindforwhatmaybetocome。"
TothistherewasaddedapostscriptinMr。Playmore’shandwriting：
"PrayobservestrictlythecautionwhichMr。Benjaminimpressesonyou。Andbearthisinmind，asawarningfrom_me：_Ifwesucceedinreconstructingtheentireletter，thelastpersonlivingwhoought（inmyopinion）tobeallowedtoseeitis——yourhusband。"
CHAPTERXLVI。
THECRISISDEFERRED。
"TAKEcare，Valeria！"saidMrs。Macallan。"Iaskyounoquestions；Ionlycautionyouforyourownsake。EustacehasnoticedwhatIhavenoticed——Eustacehasseenachangeinyou。
Takecare！"
Somymother—in—lawspoketomelaterintheday，whenwehappenedtobealone。IhaddonemybesttoconcealalltracesoftheeffectproducedonmebythestrangeandterriblenewsfromGleninch。ButwhocouldreadwhatIhadread，whocouldfeelwhatInowfelt，andstillmaintainanundisturbedserenityoflookandmanner？IfIhadbeenthevilesthypocriteliving，IdoubteventhenifmyfacecouldhavekeptmysecretwhilemymindwasfullofBenjamin’sletter。
Havingspokenherwordofcaution，Mrs。Macallanmadenofurtheradvancetome。Idaresayshewasright。Still，itseemedhardtobeleft，withoutawordofadviceorofsympathy，todecideformyselfwhatitwasmydutytomyhusbandtodonext。
ToshowhimBenjamin’snarrative，inhisstateofhealth，andinthefaceofthewarningaddressedtome，wassimplyoutofthequestion。Atthesametime，itwasequallyimpossible，afterI
hadalreadybetrayedmyself，tokeephimentirelyinthedark。I
thoughtoveritanxiouslyinthenight。Whenthemorningcame，I
decidedtoappealtomyhusband’sconfidenceinme。
Iwentstraighttothepointintheseterms：
"Eustace，yourmothersaidyesterdaythatyounoticedachangeinmewhenIcamebackfrommydrive。Issheright？"
"Quiteright，Valeria，"heanswered——speakinginlowertonesthanusual，andnotlookingatme。
"Wehavenoconcealmentsfromeachothernow，"Ianswered。"I
oughttotellyou，anddotellyou，thatIfoundaletterfromEnglandwaitingatthebanker’swhichhascausedmesomeagitationandalarm。Willyouleaveittometochoosemyowntimeforspeakingmoreplainly？Andwillyoubelieve，love，thatIamreallydoingmydutytowardyou，asagoodwife，inmakingthisrequest？"
Ipaused。Hemadenoanswer：Icouldseethathewassecretlystrugglingwithhimself。HadIventuredtoofar？HadI
overestimatedthestrengthofmyinfluence？Myheartbeatfast，myvoicefaltered——butIsummonedcourageenoughtotakehishand，andtomakealastappealtohim。"Eustace，"Isaid；"don’tyouknowmeyetwellenoughtotrustme？"
Heturnedtowardmeforthefirsttime。Isawalastvanishingtraceofdoubtinhiseyesastheylookedintomine。
"Youpromise，soonerorlater，totellmethewholetruth？"hesaid"Ipromisewithallmyheart！"
"Itrustyou，Valeria！"
Hisbrighteningeyestoldmethathereallymeantwhathesaid。
Wesealedourcompactwithakiss。Pardonmeformentioningthesetrifles——Iamstillwriting（ifyouwillkindlyrememberit）ofournewhoneymoon。
Bythatday’spostIansweredBenjamin’sletter，tellinghimwhatIhaddone，andentreatinghim，ifheandMr。Playmoreapprovedofmyconduct，tokeepmeinformedofanyfuturediscoverieswhichtheymightmakeatGleninch。
Afteraninterval———anendlessinterval，asitseemedtome——oftendaysmore，Ireceivedasecondletterfrommyoldfriend，withanotherpostscriptaddedbyMr。Playmore。
"Weareadvancingsteadilyandsuccessfullywiththeputtingtogetheroftheletter，"Benjaminwrote。"Theonenewdiscoverywhichwehavemadeisofseriousimportancetoyourhusband。Wehavereconstructedcertainsentencesdeclaring，intheplainestwords，thatthearsenicwhichEustaceprocuredwaspurchasedattherequestofhiswife，andwasinherpossessionatGleninch。
This，remember，isinthehandwritingofthewife，andissignedbythewife——aswehavealsofoundout。Unfortunately，Iamobligedtoaddthattheobjectiontotakingyourhusbandintoourconfidence，mentionedwhenIlastwrote，stillremainsinforce——ingreaterforce，Imaysay，thanever。Themorewemakeoutoftheletter，themoreinclinedweare（ifweonlystudiedourownfeelings）tothrowitbackintothedust—heap，inmercytothememoryoftheunhappywriter。Ishallkeepthisopenforadayortwo。IfthereismorenewstotellyoubythattimeyouwillhearofitfromMr。Playmore。"
Mr。Playmore’spostscriptfollowed，datedthreedayslater。
"TheconcludingpartofthelateMrs。Macallan’slettertoherhusband，"thelawyerwrote，"hasprovedaccidentallytobethefirstpartwhichwehavesucceededinpiecingtogether。Withtheexceptionofafewgapsstillleft，hereandthere，thewritingoftheclosingparagraphshasbeenperfectlyreconstructed。I
haveneitherthetimenortheinclinationtowritetoyouonthissadsubjectinanydetail。Inafortnightmore，atthelongest，weshall，Ihope，sendyouacopyoftheletter，completefromthefirstlinetothelast。Meanwhile，itismydutytotellyouthatthereisonebrightsidetothisotherwisedeplorableandshockingdocument。Legallyspeaking，aswellasmorallyspeaking，itabsolutelyvindicatesyourhusband’sinnocence。Anditmaybelawfullyusedforthispurpose——ifhecanreconcileittohisconscience，andtothemercyduetothememoryofthedead，topermitthepublicexposureoftheletterinCourt。Understandme，hecannotbetriedagainonwhatwecallthecriminalcharge——forcertaintechnicalreasonswithwhichIneednottroubleyou。But，ifthefactswhichwereinvolvedatthecriminaltrialcanalsobeshowntobeinvolvedinacivilaction（andinthiscasetheycan），theentiremattermaybemadethesubjectofanewlegalinquiry；andtheverdictofasecondjury，completelyvindicatingyourhusband，maythusbeobtained。Keepthisinformationtoyourselfforthepresent。PreservethepositionwhichyouhavesosensiblyadoptedtowardEustaceuntilyouhavereadtherestoredletter。Whenyouhavedonethis，myownideaisthatyouwillshrink，inpityto_him，_fromlettinghimseeit。Howheistobekeptinignoranceofwhatwehavediscoveredisanotherquestion，thediscussionofwhichmustbedeferreduntilwecanconsulttogether。Untilthattimecomes，Icanonlyrepeatmyadvice——waittillthenextnewsreachesyoufromGleninch。"
Iwaited。WhatIsuffered，whatEustacethoughtofme，doesnotmatter。Nothingmattersnowbutthefacts。
Inlessthanafortnightmorethetaskofrestoringtheletterwascompleted。Exceptingcertaininstances，inwhichthemorselsofthetornpaperhadbeenirretrievablylost——andinwhichithadbeennecessarytocompletethesenseinharmonywiththewriter’sintention——thewholeletterhadbeenputtogether；andthepromisedcopyofitwasforwardedtomeinParis。
Beforeyou，too，readthatdreadfulletter，domeonefavor。LetmebrieflyremindyouofthecircumstancesunderwhichEustaceMacallanmarriedhisfirstwife。
Rememberthatthepoorcreaturefellinlovewithhimwithoutawakeninganycorrespondingaffectiononhisside。Rememberthatheseparatedhimselffromher，anddidallhecouldtoavoidher，whenhefoundthisout。RememberthatshepresentedherselfathisresidenceinLondonwithoutawordofwarning；thathedidhisbesttosaveherreputation；thathefailed，throughnofaultofhisown；andthatheended，rashlyendedinamomentofdespair，bymarryingher，tosilencethescandalthatmustotherwisehaveblightedherlifeasawomanfortherestofherdays。Bearallthisinmind（itisthesworntestimonyofrespectablewitnesses）；andpraydonotforget——howeverfoolishlyandblamablyhemayhavewrittenaboutherinthesecretpagesofhisDiary——thathewasprovedtohavedonehisbesttoconcealfromhiswifetheaversionwhichthepoorsoulinspiredinhim；
andthathewas（intheopinionofthosewhocouldbestjudgehim）atleastacourteousandaconsideratehusband，ifhecouldbenomore。
Andnowtaketheletter。Itasksbutonefavorofyou：itaskstobereadbythelightofChrist’steaching——"Judgenot，thatyebenotjudged。"
CHAPTERXLVII。
THEWIFE’SCONFESSION。
"GLENINCH，October19，18——。
"MYHUSBAND——
"Ihavesomethingverypainfultotellyouaboutoneofyouroldestfriends。
"Youhaveneverencouragedmetocometoyouwithanyconfidencesofmine。Ifyouhadallowedmetobeasfamiliarwithyouassomewivesarewiththeirhusbands，Ishouldhavespokentoyoupersonallyinsteadofwriting。Asitis，Idon’tknowhowyoumightreceivewhatIhavetosaytoyouifIsaiditbywordofmouth。SoIwrite。
"ThemanagainstwhomIwarnyouisstillaguestinthishouse——MiserrimusDexter。Nofalserorwickedercreaturewalkstheearth。Don’tthrowmyletteraside！IhavewaitedtosaythisuntilIcouldfindproofthatmightsatisfyyou。Ihavegottheproof。
"YoumayrememberthatIventuredtoexpresssomedisapprovalwhenyoufirsttoldmeyouhadaskedthismantovisitus。Ifyouhadallowedmetimetoexplainmyself，ImighthavebeenboldenoughtogiveyouagoodreasonfortheaversionIfelttowardyourfriend。Butyouwouldnotwait。Youhastily（andmostunjustly）accusedmeoffeelingprejudicedagainstthemiserablecreatureonaccountofhisdeformity。Nootherfeelingthancompassionfordeformedpersonshaseverenteredmymind。Ihave，indeed，almostafellow—feelingforthem；beingthatnextworstthingmyselftoadeformity——aplainwoman。IobjectedtoMr。
Dexterasyourguestbecausehehadaskedmetobehiswifeinpastdays，andbecauseIhadreasontofearthathestillregardedme（aftermymarriage）withaguiltyandahorriblelove。Wasitnotmyduty，asagoodwife，toobjecttohisbeingyourguestatGleninch？Andwasitnotyourduty，asagoodhusband，toencouragemetosaymore？
"Well，Mr。Dexterhasbeenyourguestformanyweeks；andMr。
Dexterhasdaredtospeaktomeagainofhislove。Hehasinsultedme，andinsultedyou，bydeclaringthat_he_adoresmeandthat_you_hateme。Hehaspromisedmealifeofunalloyedhappiness，inaforeigncountrywithmylover；andhehasprophesiedformealifeofunendurablemiseryathomewithmyhusband。
"WhydidInotmakemycomplainttoyou，andhavethismonsterdismissedfromthehouseatonceandforever？
"AreyousureyouwouldhavebelievedmeifIhadcomplained，andifyourbosomfriendhaddeniedallintentionofinsultingme？I
heardyouoncesay（whenyouwerenotawarethatIwaswithinhearing）thatthevainestwomenwerealwaystheuglywomen。Youmighthaveaccused_me_ofvanity。Whoknows？
"ButIhavenodesiretosheltermyselfunderthisexcuse。Iamajealous，unhappycreature；alwaysdoubtfulofyouraffectionforme；alwaysfearingthatanotherwomanhasgotmyplaceinyourheart。MiserrimusDexterhaspracticedonthisweaknessofmine。
Hehasdeclaredhecanprovetome（ifIwillpermithim）thatI
am，inyoursecretheart，anobjectofloathingtoyou；thatyoushrinkfromtouchingme；thatyoucursethehourwhenyouwerefoolishenoughtomakemeyourwife。IhavestruggledaslongasIcouldagainstthetemptationtolethimproducehisproofs。Itwasaterribletemptationtoawomanwhowasfarfromfeelingsureofthesincerityofyouraffectionforher；andithasendedingettingthebetterofmyresistance。Iwickedlyconcealedthedisgustwhichthewretchinspiredinme；Iwickedlygavehimleavetoexplainhimself；Iwickedlypermittedthisenemyofyoursandofminetotakemeintohisconfidence。Andwhy？
BecauseIlovedyou，andyouonly；andbecauseMiserrimusDexter’sproposaldid，afterall，echoadoubtofyouthathadlongbeengnawingsecretlyatmyheart。
"Forgiveme，Eustace！Thisismyfirstsinagainstyou。Itshallbemylast。
"Iwillnotsparemyself；IwillwriteafullconfessionofwhatIsaidtohimandofwhathesaidtome。YoumaymakemesufferforitwhenyouknowwhatIhavedone；butyouwillatleastbewarnedintime；youwillseeyourfalsefriendinhistruelight。
"Isaidtohim，’Howcanyouprovetomethatmyhusbandhatesmeinsecret？’
"Heanswered，’Icanproveitunderhisownhandwriting；youshallseeitinhisDiary。’
"Isaid，’HisDiaryhasalock；andthedrawerinwhichhekeepsithasalock。HowcanyougetattheDiaryandthedrawer？’
"Heanswered，’Ihavemyownwayofgettingatbothofthem，withouttheslightestriskofbeingdiscoveredbyyourhusband。
Allyouhavetodoistogivemetheopportunityofseeingyouprivately。Iwillengage，inreturn，tobringtheopenDiarywithmetoyourroom。’
"Isaid，’HowcanIgiveyoutheopportunity？Whatdoyoumean？’
’Hepointedtothekeyinthedoorofcommunicationbetweenmyroomandthelittlestudy。
"Hesaid，’Withmyinfirmity，Imaynotbeabletoprofitbythefirstopportunityofvisitingyouhereunobserved。Imustbeabletochoosemyowntimeandmyownwayofgettingtoyousecretly。
Letmetakethiskey，leavingthedoorlocked。Whenthekeyismissed，if_you_sayitdoesn’tmatter——if_you_pointoutthatthedoorislocked，andtelltheservantsnottotroublethemselvesaboutfindingthekey——therewillbenodisturbanceinthehouse；andIshallbeinsecurepossessionofameansofcommunicationwithyouwhichnoonewillsuspect。Willyoudothis？’
"Ihavedoneit。
"Yes！Ihavebecometheaccompliceofthisdouble—facedvillain。
IhavedegradedmyselfandoutragedyoubymakinganappointmenttopryintoyourDiary。Iknowhowbasemyconductis。Icanmakenoexcuse。IcanonlyrepeatthatIloveyou，andthatIamsorelyafraidyoudon’tloveme。AndMiserrimusDexterofferstoendmydoubtsbyshowingmethemostsecretthoughtsofyourheart，inyourownwriting。
"Heistobewithme，forthispurpose（whileyouareout），sometimeinthecourseofthenexttwohoursIshalldeclinetobesatisfiedwithonlyoncelookingatyourDiary；andIshallmakeanappointmentwithhimtobringittomeagainatthesametimeto—morrow。Beforethenyouwillreceivetheselinesbythehandofmynurse。Gooutasusualafterreadingthem；butreturnprivately，andunlockthetable—drawerinwhichyoukeepyourbook。Youwillfinditgone。Postyourselfquietlyinthelittlestudy；andyouwilldiscovertheDiary（whenMiserrimusDexterleavesme）inthehandsofyourfriend。*
*NotebyMr。Playmore：
Thegreatestdifficultiesofreconstructionoccurredinthisfirstportionofthetornletter。Inthefourthparagraphfromthebeginningwehavebeenobligedtosupplylostwordsinnolessthanthreeplaces。Intheninth，tenth，andseventeenthparagraphsthesameproceedingwas，inagreaterorlessdegree，foundtobenecessary。Inallthesecasestheutmostpainshavebeentakentosupplythedeficiencyinexactaccordancewithwhatappearedtobethemeaningofthewriter，asindicatedintheexistingpiecesofthemanuscript。
"October20。
"IhavereadyourDiary。
"AtlastIknowwhatyoureallythinkofme。IhavereadwhatMiserrimusDexterpromisedIshouldread——theconfessionofyourloathingforme，inyourownhandwriting。
"YouwillnotreceivewhatIwrotetoyouyesterdayatthetimeorinthemannerwhichIhadproposed。Longasmyletteris，I
havestill（afterreadingyourDiary）somemorewordstoadd。
AfterIhaveclosedandsealedtheenvelope，andaddressedittoyou，Ishallputitundermypillow。ItwillbefoundtherewhenIamlaidoutforthegrave——andthen，Eustace（whenitistoolateforhopeorhelp），myletterwillbegiventoyou。
"Yes：Ihavehadenoughofmylife。Yes：Imeantodie。
"Ihavealreadysacrificedeverythingbutmylifetomyloveforyou。NowIknowthatmyloveisnotreturned，thelastsacrificeleftiseasy。MydeathwillsetyoufreetomarryMrs。Beauly。
"Youdon’tknowwhatitcostmetocontrolmyhatredofher，andtobeghertopayhervisithere，withoutmindingmyillness。I
couldneverhavedoneitifIhadnotbeensofondofyou，andsofearfulofirritatingyouagainstmebyshowingmyjealousy。Andhowdidyourewardme？LetyourDiaryanswer：’Itenderlyembracedherthisverymorning；andIhope，poorsoul，shedidnotdiscovertheeffortthatitcostme。’
"Well，Ihavediscovereditnow。Iknowthatyouprivatelythinkyourlifewithme’apurgatory。’Iknowthatyouhavecompassionatelyhiddenfrommethe’senseofshrinkingthatcomesoveryouwhenyouareobligedtosubmittomycaresses。’Iamnothingbutanobstacle——an’utterlydistasteful’
obstacle——betweenyouandthewomanwhomyoulovesodearlythatyou’adoretheearthwhichshetoucheswithherfoot。’Beitso！
Iwillstandinyourwaynolonger。Itisnosacrificeandnomeritonmypart。Lifeisunendurabletome，nowIknowthatthemanwhomIlovewithallmyheartandsoulsecretlyshrinksfrommewheneverItouchhim。
"Ihavegotthemeansofdeathcloseathand。
"ThearsenicthatItwiceaskedyoutobuyformeisinmydressing—case。IdeceivedyouwhenImentionedsomecommonplacedomesticreasonsforwantingit。MytruereasonwastotryifI
couldnotimprovemyuglycomplexion——notfromanyvainfeelingofmine：onlytomakemyselflookbetterandmorelovableinyoureyes。Ihavetakensomeofitforthatpurpose；butIhavegotplentylefttokillmyselfwith。Thepoisonwillhaveitsuseatlast。Itmighthavefailedtoimprovemycomplexion——itwillnotfailtorelieveyouofyouruglywife。
"Don’tletmebeexaminedafterdeath。Showthislettertothedoctorwhoattendsme。ItwilltellhimthatIhavecommittedsuicide；itwillpreventanyinnocentpersonsfrombeingsuspectedofpoisoningme。Iwantnobodytobeblamedorpunished。Ishallremovethechemist’slabel，andcarefullyemptythebottlecontainingthepoison，sothathemaynotsufferonmyaccount。
"Imustwaithere，andrestalittlewhile——thentakeupmyletteragain。Itisfartoolongalready。Butthesearemyfarewellwords。Imaysurelydwellalittleonmylasttalkwithyou！
"October21。Twoo’clockinthemorning。
"IsentyououtoftheroomyesterdaywhenyoucameintoaskhowIhadpassedthenight。AndIspokeofyoushamefully，Eustace，afteryouhadgone，tothehirednursewhoattendsonme。Forgiveme。Iamalmostbesidemyselfnow。Youknowwhy。