Darrow,layingasidehispen,lookedatherforamomentinsilence;thenhestoodupandshutthedoor。
  "Imustgoto—morrowearly,"hesaid,sittingdownbesideher。Hisvoicewasgrave,withaslighttingeofsadness。
  Shesaidtoherself:"HeknowswhatIamfeeling……"andnowthethoughtmadeherfeellessalone。Theexpressionofhisfacewassternandyettender:forthefirsttimesheunderstoodwhathehadsuffered。
  Shehadnodoubtastothenecessityofgivinghimup,butitwasimpossibletotellhimsothen。Shestoodupandsaid:"I’llleaveyoutoyourletters。"Hemadenoprotest,butmerelyanswered:"You’llcomedownpresentlyforawalk?"anditoccurredtoheratoncethatshewouldwalkdowntotheriverwithhim,andgiveherselfforthelasttimethetragicluxuryofsittingathissideinthelittlepavilion。"Perhaps,"shethought,"itwillbeeasiertotellhimthere。"
  Itdidnot,onthewayhomefromtheirwalk,becomeanyeasiertotellhim;buthersecretdecisiontodosobeforeheleftgaveherakindoffactitiouscalmandlaidamelancholyecstasyuponthehour。Stillskirtingthesubjectthatfannedtheirveryfaceswithitsflame,theyclungpersistentlytoothertopics,anditseemedtoAnnathattheirmindshadneverbeennearertogetherthaninthishourwhentheirheartsweresoseparate。Intheglowofinterchangedloveshehadgrownlessconsciousofthatotherglowofinterchangedthoughtwhichhadonceilluminedhermind。ShehadforgottenhowDarrowhadwidenedherworldandlengthenedoutallherperspectives,andwithapangofdoubledestitutionshesawherselfaloneamonghershrunkenthoughts。
  Forthefirsttime,then,shehadaclearvisionofwhatherlifewouldbewithouthim。Sheimaginedherselftryingtotakeupthedailyround,andallthathadlightenedandanimateditseemedequallylifelessandvain。Shetriedtothinkofherselfaswhollyabsorbedinherdaughter’sdevelopment,likeothermothersshehadseen;butshesupposedthosemothersmusthavehadstoredmemoriesofhappinesstonourishthem。Shehadhadnothing,andallherstarvedyouthstillclaimeditsdue。
  Whenshewentuptodressfordinnershesaidtoherself:
  "I’llhavemylasteveningwithhim,andthen,beforewesaygoodnight,I’lltellhim。"
  Thispostponementdidnotseemunjustified。Darrowhadshownherhowhedreadedvainwords,howresolvedhewastoavoidallfruitlessdiscussion。Hemusthavebeenintenselyawareofwhathadbeengoingoninhermindsincehisreturn,yetwhenshehadattemptedtorevealittohimhehadturnedfromtherevelation。Shewasthereforemerelyfollowingthelinehehadtracedinbehaving,tillthefinalmomentcame,asthoughtherewerenothingmoretosay……
  Thatmomentseemedatlasttobeathandwhen,atherusualhourafterdinner,MadamedeChantellerosetogoupstairs。
  Shelingeredalittletobidgood—byetoDarrow,whomshewasnotlikelytoseeinthemorning;andheraffableallusionstohispromptreturnsoundedinAnna’searlikethenoteofdestiny。
  Acoldrainhadfallenallday,andforgreaterwarmthandintimacytheyhadgoneafterdinnertotheoak—room,shuttingoutthechillyvistaofthefartherdrawing—rooms。
  Theautumnwind,comingupfromtheriver,criedaboutthehousewithavoiceoflossandseparation;andAnnaandDarrowsatsilent,asiftheyfearedtobreakthehushthatshutthemin。Thesolitude,thefire—light,theharmonyofsofthangingsandolddimpictures,woveaboutthemaspellofsecuritythroughwhichAnnafelt,fardowninherheart,themuffledbeatofaninextinguishablebliss。Howcouldshehavethoughtthatthislastmomentwouldbethemomenttospeaktohim,whenitseemedtohavegatheredupintoitsflightallthescatteredsplendoursofherdream?
  XXXVI
  Darrowcontinuedtostandbythedoorafterithadclosed。
  Annafeltthathewaslookingather,andsatstill,disdainingtoseekrefugeinanyevasivewordormovement。
  Forthelasttimeshewantedtolethimtakefromherthefulnessofwhatthesightofhercouldgive。
  Hecrossedoverandsatdownonthesofa。Foramomentneitherofthemspoke;thenhesaid:"To—night,dearest,I
  musthavemyanswer。"
  Shestraightenedherselfundertheshockofhisseemingtotaketheverywordsfromherlips。
  "To—night?"wasallthatshecouldfalter。
  "Imustbeoffbytheearlytrain。Therewon’tbemorethanamomentinthemorning。"
  Hehadtakenherhand,andshesaidtoherselfthatshemustfreeitbeforeshecouldgoonwithwhatshehadtosay。
  Thensherejectedthisconcessiontoaweaknessshewasresolvedtodefy。Totheendshewouldleaveherhandinhishand,hereyesinhiseyes:shewouldnot,intheirfinalhourtogether,beafraidofanypartofherloveforhim。
  "You’lltellmeto—night,dear,"heinsistedgently;andhisinsistencegaveherthestrengthtospeak。
  "There’ssomethingImustaskyou,"shebrokeout,perceiving,assheheardherwords,thattheywerenotintheleastwhatshehadmeanttosay。
  Hesatstill,waiting,andshepressedon:"Dosuchthingshappentomenoften?"
  Thequietroomseemedtoresoundwiththelongreverberationsofherquestion。Shelookedawayfromhim,andhereleasedherandstoodup。
  "Idon’tknowwhathappenstoothermen。Suchathingneverhappenedtome……"
  Sheturnedhereyesbacktohisface。Shefeltlikeatravelleronagiddypathbetweenacliffandaprecipice:
  therewasnothingforitnowbuttogoon。
  "Hadit……haditbegun……beforeyoumetherinParis?"
  "No;athousandtimesno!I’vetoldyouthefactsastheywere。"
  "Allthefacts?"
  Heturnedabruptly。"Whatdoyoumean?"
  Herthroatwasdryandtheloudpulsesdrummedinhertemples。
  "Imean——abouther……Perhapsyouknew……knewthingsabouther……beforehand。"
  Shestopped。Theroomhadgrownprofoundlystill。Alogdroppedtothehearthandbrokethereinahissingshower。
  Darrowspokeinaclearvoice。"Iknewnothing,absolutelynothing,"hesaid。
  Shehadtheanswertoherinmostdoubt——toherlastshamefulunavowedhope。Shesatpowerlessunderherwoe。
  Hewalkedtothefireplaceandpushedbackthebrokenlogwithhisfoot。Aflameshotoutofit,andintheupwardglareshesawhispaleface,sternwithmisery。
  "Isthatall?"heasked。
  Shemadeaslightsignwithherheadandhecameslowlybacktoher。"Thenisthistobegood—bye?"
  Againshesignedafaintassent,andhemadenoefforttotouchherordrawnearer。"YouunderstandthatIsha’n’tcomeback?"
  Hewaslookingather,andshetriedtoreturnhislook,buthereyeswereblindwithtears,andindreadofhisseeingthemshegotupandwalkedaway。Hedidnotfollowher,andshestoodwithherbacktohim,staringatabowlofcarnationsonalittletablestrewnwithbooks。Hertearsmagnifiedeverythingshelookedat,andthestreakedpetalsofthecarnations,theirfringededgesandfrailcurledstamens,presseduponher,hugeandvivid。ShenoticedamongthebooksavolumeofversehehadsentherfromEngland,andtriedtorememberwhetheritwasbeforeorafter……
  Shefeltthathewaswaitingforhertospeak,andatlastsheturnedtohim。"Ishallseeyouto—morrowbeforeyougo……"
  Hemadenoanswer。
  Shemovedtowardthedoorandhehelditopenforher。Shesawhishandonthedoor,andhissealringinitssettingoftwistedsilver;andthesenseoftheendofallthingscametoher。
  Theywalkeddownthedrawing—rooms,betweentheshadowyreflectionsofscreensandcabinets,andmountedthestairssidebyside。Attheendofthegallery,alampbroughtoutturbidgleamsinthesmokybattle—pieceaboveit。
  OnthelandingDarrowstopped;hisroomwasthenearesttothestairs。"Goodnight,"hesaid,holdingouthishand。
  AsAnnagavehimhersthespringsofgriefbrokelooseinher。Shestruggledwithhersobs,andsubduedthem;butherbreathcameunevenly,andtohideheragitationsheleanedonhimandpressedherfaceagainsthisarm。
  "Don’t——don’t,"hewhispered,soothingher。
  Hertroubledbreathingsoundedloudlyinthesilenceofthesleepinghouse。Shepressedherlipstight,butcouldnotstopthenervouspulsationsinherthroat,andheputanarmaboutherand,openinghisdoor,drewheracrossthethresholdofhisroom。Thedoorshutbehindherandshesatdownontheloungeatthefootofthebed。Thepulsationsinherthroathadceased,butsheknewtheywouldbeginagainifshetriedtospeak。
  Darrowwalkedawayandleanedagainstthemantelpiece。Thered—veiledlampshoneonhisbooksandpapers,onthearm—
  chairbythefire,andthescatteredobjectsonhisdressing—table。Alogglimmeredonthehearth,andtheroomwaswarmandfaintlysmoke—scented。Itwasthefirsttimeshehadeverbeeninaroomhelivedin,amonghispersonalpossessionsandthetracesofhisdailyusage。Everyobjectaboutherseemedtocontainaparticleofhimself:thewholeairbreathedofhim,steepingherinthesenseofhisintimatepresence。
  Suddenlyshethought:"ThisiswhatSophyVinerknew"……andwithatorturingprecisionshepicturedthemaloneinsuchascene……Hadhetakenthegirltoanhotel……wheredidpeoplegoinsuchcases?Wherevertheywere,thesilenceofnighthadbeenaroundthem,andthethingsheusedhadbeenstrewnabouttheroom……Anna,ashamedofdwellingonthedetestedvision,stoodupwithaconfusedimpulseofflight;thenawaveofcontraryfeelingarrestedherandshepausedwithloweredhead。
  Darrowhadcomeforwardassherose,andsheperceivedthathewaswaitingforhertobidhimgoodnight。Itwasclearthatnootherpossibilityhadevenbrushedhismind;andthefact,forsomedimreason,humiliatedher。"Whynot……whynot?"somethingwhisperedinher,asthoughhisforbearance,histacitrecognitionofherpride,wereaslightonotherqualitiesshewantedhimtofeelinher。
  "Inthemorning,then?"sheheardhimsay。
  "Yes,inthemorning,"sherepeated。
  Shecontinuedtostandinthesameplace,lookingvaguelyabouttheroom。Foroncebeforetheyparted——sinceparttheymust——shelongedtobetohimallthatSophyVinerhadbeen;butsheremainedrootedtothefloor,unabletofindawordorimagineagesturethatshouldexpresshermeaning。
  Exasperatedbyherhelplessness,shethought:"Don’tIfeelthingsasotherwomendo?"
  Hereyefellonanote—caseshehadgivenhim。Itwaswornatthecornerswiththefrictionofhispocketanddistendedwiththicklypackedpapers。Shewonderedifhecarriedherlettersinit,andsheputherhandoutandtouchedit。
  Allthatheandshehadeverfeltorseen,theircloseencountersofwordandlook,andtheclosercontactoftheirsilences,trembledthroughheratthetouch。Sherememberedthingshehadsaidthathadbeenlikenewskiesaboveherhead:wayshehadthatseemedapartoftheairshebreathed。Thefaintwarmthofhergirlishlovecamebacktoher,gatheringheatasitpassedthroughherthoughts;andherheartrockedlikeaboatonthesurgeofitslonglongmemories。"It’sbecauseIlovehimintoomanyways,"shethought;andslowlysheturnedtothedoor。
  ShewasawarethatDarrowwasstillsilentlywatchingher,butheneitherstirrednorspoketillshehadreachedthethreshold。Thenhemetherthereandcaughtherinhisarms。
  "Notto—night——don’ttellmeto—night!"hewhispered;andsheleanedawayfromhim,closinghereyesforaninstant,andthenslowlyopeningthemtothefloodoflightinhis。
  XXXVII
  AnnaandDarrow,thenextday,sataloneinacompartmentoftheParistrain。
  Anna,whentheyenteredit,hadputherselfinthefarthestcornerandplacedherbagontheadjoiningseat。ShehaddecidedsuddenlytoaccompanyDarrowtoParis,hadevenpersuadedhimtowaitforalatertraininorderthattheymighttraveltogether。Shehadanintenselongingtobewithhim,analmostmorbidterroroflosingsightofhimforamoment:whenhejumpedoutofthetrainandranbackalongtheplatformtobuyanewspaperforhershefeltasthoughsheshouldneverseehimagain,andshiveredwiththecoldmiseryofherlastjourneytoParis,whenshehadthoughtherselfpartedfromhimforever。Yetshewantedtokeephimatadistance,ontheothersideofthecompartment,andasthetrainmovedoutofthestationshedrewfromherbagthelettersshehadthrustinitassheleftthehouse,andbegantoglanceoverthemsothatherloweredlidsshouldhidehereyesfromhim。
  Shewashisnow,hisforlife:therecouldneveragainbeanyquestionofsacrificingherselftoEffie’swelfare,ortoanyotherabstractconceptionofduty。Effieofcoursewouldnotsuffer;Annawouldpayforherblissasawifebyredoubleddevotionasamother。Herscrupleswerenotovercome;butforthetimetheirvoicesweredrownedinthetumultuousrumourofherhappiness。
  AssheopenedherlettersshewasconsciousthatDarrow’sgazewasfixedonher,andgraduallyitdrewhereyesupward,andshedrankdeepofthepassionatetendernessinhis。Thenthebloodrosetoherfaceandshefeltagainthedesiretoshieldherself。SheturnedbacktoherlettersandherglancelitonanenvelopeinscribedinOwen’shand。
  Herheartbegantobeatoppressively:shewasinamoodwhenthesimplestthingsseemedominous。WhatcouldOwenhavetosaytoher?Onlythefirstpagewascovered,anditcontainedsimplytheannouncementthat,inthecompanyofayoungcompatriotwhowasstudyingattheBeauxArts,hehadplannedtoleaveforSpainthefollowingevening。
  "Hehasn’tseenher,then!"wasAnna’sinstantthought;andherfeelingwasastrangecompoundofhumiliationandrelief。Thegirlhadkeptherword,liveduptothelineofconductshehadsetherself;andAnnahadfailedinthesameattempt。Shedidnotreproachherselfwithherfailure;butshewouldhavebeenhappieriftherehadbeenlessdiscrepancybetweenherwordstoSophyVinerandtheactwhichhadfollowedthem。Itirritatedherobscurelythatthegirlshouldhavebeensomuchsurerofherpowertocarryoutherpurpose……
  AnnalookedupandsawthatDarrow’seyeswereonthenewspaper。Heseemedcalmandsecure,almostindifferenttoherpresence。"Willitbecomeamatterofcoursetohimsosoon?"shewonderedwithatwingeofjealousy。Shesatmotionless,hereyesfixedonhim,tryingtomakehimfeeltheattractionofhergazeasshefelthis。Itsurprisedandshamedhertodetectanewelementinherloveforhim:
  asortofsuspicioustyrannicaltendernessthatseemedtodepriveitofallserenity。Finallyhelookedup,hissmileenvelopedher,andshefeltherselfhisineveryfibre,hissocompletelyandinseparablythatshesawthevanityofimagininganyotherfateforherself。
  TogiveherselfacountenancesheheldoutOwen’sletter。
  Hetookitandglanceddownthepage,hisfacegrowngrave。
  Shewaitednervouslytillhelookedup。
  "That’sagoodplan;thebestthingthatcouldhappen,"hesaid,ajustperceptibleshadeofconstraintinhistone。
  "Oh,yes,"shehastilyassented。Shewasawareofafaintcurrentofreliefsilentlycirculatingbetweenthem。TheywerebothgladthatOwenwasgoing,thatforawhilehewouldbeoutoftheirway;anditseemedtoherhorriblethatsomuchofthestuffoftheirhappinessshouldbemadeofsuchunavowedfeelings……
  "Ishallseehimthisevening,"shesaid,wishingDarrowtofeelthatshewasnotafraidofmeetingherstep—son。
  "Yes,ofcourse;perhapshemightdinewithyou。"
  Thewordsstruckherasstrangelyobtuse。DarrowwastomeethisAmbassadoratthestationonthelatter’sarrival,andwouldinallprobabilityhavetospendtheeveningwithhim,andAnnaknewhehadbeenconcernedatthethoughtofhavingtoleaveheralone。ButhowcouldhespeakinthatcarelesstoneofherdiningwithOwen?Sheloweredhervoicetosay:"I’mafraidhe’sdesperatelyunhappy。"
  Heanswered,withatingeofimpatience:"It’smuchthebestthingthatheshouldtravel。"
  "Yes——butdon’tyoufeel……"Shebrokeoff。Sheknewhowhedislikedtheseidlereturnsontheirrevocable,andherfearofdoingorsayingwhathedislikedwastingedbyanewinstinctofsubserviencyagainstwhichherpriderevolted。
  Shethoughttoherself:"Hewillseethechange,andgrowindifferenttomeashedidtoHER……"andforamomentitseemedtoherthatshewasrelivingtheexperienceofSophyViner。
  Darrowmadenoattempttolearntheendofherunfinishedsentence。HehandedbackOwen’sletterandreturnedtohisnewspaper;andwhenhelookedupfromitafewminuteslateritwaswithaclearbrowandasmilethatirresistiblydrewherbacktohappierthoughts。
  Thetrainwasjustenteringastation,andamomentlatertheircompartmentwasinvadedbyacommonplacecouplepreoccupiedwiththebestowalofbulgingpackages。Anna,attheirapproach,feltthepossessiveprideofthewomaninlovewhenstrangersarebetweenherselfandthemansheloves。SheaskedDarrowtoopenthewindow,toplaceherbaginthenet,torollherrugintoacushionforherfeet;
  andwhilehewasthusbusiedwithhershewasconsciousofanewdevotioninhistone,inhiswayofbendingoverherandmeetinghereyes。Hewentbacktohisseat,andtheylookedateachotherlikeloverssmilingatahappysecret。
  Anna,beforegoingbacktoGivre,hadsuggestedOwen’smovingintoherapartment,buthehadpreferredtoremainatthehoteltowhichhehadsenthisluggage,andonarrivinginParisshedecidedtodrivethereatonce。Shewasimpatienttohavethemeetingover,andgladthatDarrowwasobligedtoleaveheratthestationinordertolookupacolleagueattheEmbassy。ShedreadedhisseeingOwenagain,andyetdarednottellhimso,andtoensurehisremainingawayshementionedanurgentengagementwithherdress—makerandalonglistofcommissionstobeexecutedforMadamedeChantelle。
  "Ishallseeyouto—morrowmorning,"shesaid;butherepliedwithasmilethathewouldcertainlyfindtimetocometoherforamomentonhiswaybackfrommeetingtheAmbassador;andwhenhehadputherinacabheleanedthroughthewindowtopresshislipstohers。
  Sheblushedlikeagirl,thinking,halfvexed,halfhappy:
  "Yesterdayhewouldnothavedoneit……"andadozenscarcelydefinabledifferencesinhislookandmannerseemedallatoncetobesummedupintheboyishact。"Afterall,I’mengagedtohim,"shereflected,andthensmiledattheabsurdityoftheword。Thenextinstant,withapangofself—reproach,sherememberedSophyViner’scry:"Iknewallthewhilehedidn’tcare……""Poorthing,ohpoorthing!"
  Annamurmured……
  AtOwen’shotelshewaitedinatremorwhiletheporterwentinsearchofhim。Wordwaspresentlybroughtbackthathewasinhisroomandbeggedhertocomeup,andasshecrossedthehallshecaughtsightofhisportmanteauxlyingonthefloor,alreadylabelledfordeparture。
  Owensatatatablewriting,hisbacktothedoor;andwhenhestoodupthewindowwasbehindhim,sothat,intherainyafternoonlight,hisfeatureswerebarelydiscernible。
  "Dearest——soyou’rereallyoff?"shesaid,hesitatingamomentonthethreshold。
  Hepushedachairforward,andtheysatdown,eachwaitingfortheothertospeak。Finallysheputsomerandomquestionabouthistravelling—companion,aslowshymeditativeyouthwhomhehadonceortwicebroughtdowntoGivre。Shereflectedthatitwasnaturalheshouldhavegiventhisuncommunicativecomradethepreferenceoverhislivelieracquaintances,andaloudshesaid:"I’msogladFredRempsoncangowithyou。"
  Owenansweredinthesametone,andforafewminutestheirtalkdraggeditselfonoveradrywasteofcommon—places。
  Annanoticedthat,thoughreadyenoughtoimparthisownplans,Owenstudiouslyabstainedfromputtinganyquestionsabouthers。Itwasevidentfromhisallusionsthathemeanttobeawayforsometime,andhepresentlyaskedherifshewouldgiveinstructionsaboutpackingandsendingafterhimsomewinterclotheshehadleftatGivre。Thisgavehertheopportunitytosaythatsheexpectedtogobackwithinadayortwoandwouldattendtothematterassoonasshereturned。Sheadded:"IcameupthismorningwithGeorge,whoisgoingontoLondonto—morrow,"intending,bytheuseofDarrow’sChristianname,togiveOwenthechancetospeakofhermarriage。Buthemadenocomment,andshecontinuedtohearthenamesoundingonunfamiliarlybetweenthem。
  Theroomwasalmostdark,andshefinallystoodupandglancedaboutforthelight—switch,saying:"Ican’tseeyou,dear。"
  "Oh,don’t——Ihatethelight!"Owenexclaimed,catchingherbythewristandpushingherbackintoherseat。Hegaveanervouslaughandadded:"I’mhalf—blindwithneuralgia。I
  supposeit’sthisbeastlyrain。"
  "Yes;itwilldoyougoodtogetdowntoSpain。"
  Sheaskedifhehadtheremediesthedoctorhadgivenhimforapreviousattack,andonhisreplyingthathedidn’tknowwhathe’ddonewiththestuff,shesprangup,offeringtogotothechemist’s。Itwasarelieftohavesomethingtodoforhim,andsheknewfromhis"Oh,thanks——wouldyou?"thatitwasarelieftohimtohaveapretextfornotdetainingher。Hisnaturalimpulsewouldhavebeentodeclarethathedidn’twantanydrugs,andwouldbeallrightinnotime;andhisacquiescenceshowedherhowprofoundlyhefelttheuselessnessoftheirtryingtoprolongtheirtalk。Hisfacewasnownomorethanawhiteblurinthedusk,butshefeltitsindistinctnessasaveildrawnoverachingintensitiesofexpression。"Heknows……heknows……"shesaidtoherself,andwonderedwhetherthetruthhadbeenrevealedtohimbysomecorroborativefactorbythesheerforceofdivination。
  Hehadrisenalso,andwasclearlywaitingforhertogo,andsheturnedtothedoor,saying:"I’llbebackinamoment。"
  "Oh,don’tcomeupagain,please!"Hepaused,embarrassed。
  "Imean——Imaynotbehere。I’vegottogoandpickupRempson,andseeaboutsomefinalthingswithhim。"
  Shestoppedonthethresholdwithasinkingheart。Hemeantthistobetheirleave—taking,then——andhehadnotevenaskedherwhenshewastobemarried,orspokenofseeingheragainbeforeshesetoutfortheothersideoftheworld。
  "Owen!"shecried,andturnedback。
  Hestoodmutelybeforeherinthedimness。
  "Youhaven’ttoldmehowlongyou’retobegone。"
  "Howlong?Oh,yousee……that’srathervague……Ihatedefinitedates,youknow……"
  Hepausedandshesawhedidnotmeantohelpherout。Shetriedtosay:"You’llbehereformywedding?"butcouldnotbringthewordstoherlips。Insteadshemurmured:"InsixweeksIshallbegoingtoo……"andherejoined,asifhehadexpectedtheannouncementandpreparedhisanswer:"Oh,bythattime,verylikely……"
  "Atanyrate,Iwon’tsaygood—bye,"shestammered,feelingthetearsbeneathherveil。
  "No,no;rathernot!"hedeclared;buthemadenomovement,andshewentupandthrewherarmsabouthim。"You’llwriteme,won’tyou?"
  "Ofcourse,ofcourse————"
  Herhandsslippeddownintohis,andforaminutetheyheldeachotherdumblyinthedarkness;thenhegaveavaguelaughandsaid:"It’sreallytimetolightup。"Hepressedtheelectricbuttonwithonehandwhilewiththeotherheopenedthedoor;andshepassedoutwithoutdaringtoturnback,lestthelightonhisfaceshouldshowherwhatshefearedtosee。