WhentheWorldShookChapterI
ArbuthnotDescribesHimselfIsupposethatI，HumphreyArbuthnot，shouldbeginthishistoryinwhichDestinyhascausedmetoplaysoprominentapart，withsomeshortaccountofmyselfandofmycircumstances。
IwasbornfortyyearsagointhisveryDevonshirevillageinwhichIwrite，butnotinthesamehouse。NowIliveinthePriory，anancientplaceandafineoneinitsway，withitspanelledrooms，itsbeautifulgardenswhere，inthismildclimate，inadditiontoourown，flourishsomanyplantswhichonewouldonlyexpecttofindincountriesthatlienearertothesun，anditsgreen，undulatingparkstuddedwithgreattimbertrees。Theview，too，isperfect；behindandaroundtherichDevonshirelandscapewithitshillsandvalleysanditsscarpedfacesofredsandstone，andatadistanceinfront，thesea。
Therearelittletownsquiteneartoo，thatliveforthemostpartonvisitors，butthesearesohiddenawaybythecontoursofthegroundthatfromthePrioryonecannotseethem。SuchisFulcombewhereIlive，thoughforobviousreasonsIdonotgiveititsrealname。
Manyyearsagomyfather，theRev。HumphreyArbuthnot，whoseonlychildIam，afterwhomalsoIamnamedHumphrey，wasthevicarofthisplacewithwhichourfamilyissaidtohavesomerathervaguehereditaryconnection。Ifso，itwasseveredintheCaroliantimesbecausemyancestorsfoughtonthesideofParliament。
Myfatherwasarecluse，andawidower，formymother，aScotswoman，diedatorshortlyaftermybirth。BeingveryHighChurchforthosedayshewasnotpopularwiththefamilythatownedthePriorybeforeme。Indeeditshead，asomewhatvulgarpersonofthenameofEnfieldwhohadmademoneyintrade，almostpersecutedhim，ashewasinapositiontodo，beingthelocalmagnateandtheowneroftherectorialtithes。
ImentionthisfactbecauseowingtoitasaboyImadeupmymindthatonedayIwouldbuythatplaceandsitinhisseat，awildenoughideaatthetime。Yetitbecameengrainedinme，asdosuchaspirationsofouryouth，andwhentheopportunityaroseinafteryearsIcarrieditout。PooroldEnfield！Hefellonevilfortunes，forintryingtobolsterupafavouritesonwhowasagambler，aspendthrift，andanungratefulscamp，intheendhewaspracticallyruinedandwhenthebadtimescame，wasforcedtoselltheFulcombeestate。Ithinkofhimkindlynow，forafterallhewasgoodtomeandgavememanyaday’sshootingandleavetofishfortroutintheriver。
Bythepoorpeople，however，ofallthedistrictround，fortheparishitselfisverysmall，myfatherwasmuchbeloved，althoughhedidpractiseconfession，wearvestmentsandsetlightedcandlesonthealtar，andwasevensaidtohaveopenlyexpressedthewish，towhichhoweverheneverattained，thathecouldseeacenserswinginginthechancel。Indeedthechurchwhich，asmonksbuiltit，isverylargeandfine，wasalwaysfullonSundays，thoughmanyoftheworshipperscamefromfaraway，someofthemdoubtlessoutofcuriositybecauseofitspapisticalrepute，alsobecause，inalearnedfashion，myfather’spreachingwasverygoodindeed。
FormypartIfeelthatIowemuchtotheseHigh—Churchviews。
Theyopenedcertaindoorstomeandtaughtmesomethingofthemysterieswhichlieatthebackofallreligionsandthereforehavetheirhomeintheinspiredsoulofmanwhencereligionsareborn。Onlythepityisthatinninety—ninecasesoutofahundredheneverdiscovers，neverevenguessesatthatentombedaspiration，neversinksashaftdownontothissecretbutmostpreciousveinofore。
Ihavesaidthatmyfatherwaslearned；butthisisamilddescription，forneverdidIknowanyonequitesolearned。Hewasoneofthosemenwhoissogoodallroundthathebecamepreeminent—eminentinnothing。Aclassicofthefirstwater，averyrespectablemathematician，anexpertintheology，astudentofsundryforeignlanguagesandliteratureinhislightermoments，aninquirerintosociology，atheoreticalmusicianthoughhisplayingoftheorganexcruciatedmostpeoplebecauseitwastoocorrect，areallyfirst—classauthorityuponflintinstrumentsandthebestgrowerofgardenvegetablesinthecounty，alsoofapples——suchweresomeofhisattainments。Thatwaswhatmadehissermonssopopular，sinceattimesoneortheotherofthesesubjectswouldbreakoutintothem，histheorybeingthatGodspoketousthroughallofthesethings。
ButifIbegantodriftintoananalysisofmyfather’sabilities，Ishouldneverstop。Itwouldtakeabooktodescribethem。Andyetmarkthis，withthemallhisnameisasdeadtotheworldto—dayasthoughhehadneverbeen。Lightreflectedfromahundredfacetsdissipatesitselfinspaceandislost；thatconcentratedinonetremendousraypiercestothestars。
NowIamgoingtobefrankaboutmyself，forwithoutfranknesswhatisthevalueofsucharecordasthis？Thenitbecomessimplyanotherconvention，orratherconventionalmethodofexpressingtheoctoroonkindoftruthswithwhichthehighlycivilisedracesfeedthemselves，asfastidiousladieseatcakesandbreadfromwhichallbutthesmallestparticleofnourishmenthasbeenextracted。
Thefactis，therefore，thatIinheritedmostofmyfather’sabilities，excepthisloveforflintinstrumentswhichalwaysboredmetodistraction，becausealthoughtheyarebyassociationreallythemosthumanofthings，somehowtometheyneverconveyanyideaofhumanity。InadditionIhaveapracticalsidewhichhelacked；hadhepossesseditsurelyhemusthavebecomeanarchbishopinsteadofdyingthevicarofanunknownparish。AlsoIhaveaspiritualsense，mayhapmysticalwouldbeabetterterm，whichwithallthisreligionwasmissingfrommyfather’snature。
ForIthinkthatnotwithstandinghischarityanddevotionheneverquitegotawayfromtheshellofthings，nevercrackeditandsethisteethinthekernelwhichalonecanfeedoursouls。
Hiskeenintellect，totakeanexample，recognisedeveryoneofthedifficultiesofourfaithandflashedhitherandthitherinthedarkness，seekingexplanation，seekinglight，tryingtoreconcile，toexplain。HewasnotgreatenoughtoputallthisasideandgostraighttotheinformingSoulbeneaththatstrivestoexpressitselfeverywhere，eventhroughthosehuskswhicharecalledtheWorld，theFleshandtheDevil，andasyetdoesnotalwaysquitesucceed。
Itisthisbogglingoverexteriors，thispeeringintopitfalls，thisdesiretoprovethatwhatsuchsensesaswehavetellusisimpossible，isinfactpossible，whichcausestheoverthrowofmanyanearnest，seekingheartandrendersitswork，conductedonfalselines，quitenugatory。ThesewilltrusttothemselvesandtheirownintelligenceandnotbecontenttospringfromthecliffsofhumanexperienceintotheeverlastingarmsofthatInfinitewhicharestretchedouttoreceivethemandtogivethemrestandthekeysofknowledge。Whenwillmanlearnwhatwastaughttohimofold，thatfaithistheonlyplankwherewithhecanfloatuponthisseaandthathismiserableworksavailhimnothing；alsothatitisaplankmadeofmanysortsofwood，perhapstosuitourdifferentweights？
Sotobehonest，inasenseIbelievemyselftobemyfather’ssuperior，andIknowthatheagreedwithme。PerhapsthisisowingtothebloodofmyScotchmotherwhichmixedwellwithhisown；perhapsbecausetheessentialspiritgiventome，thoughcastinhismould，wasinfactquitedifferent——orofanotheralloy。Dowe，Iwonder，reallyunderstandthattherearemillionsandbillionsofthesealloys，somanyindeedthatNature，orwhateverisbehindNature，neverusesthesametwiceover？Thatiswhynotwohumanbeingsareoreverwillbequiteidentical。
Theirflesh，thebodyoftheirhumiliation，isidenticalinall，anychemistwillproveittoyou，butthatwhichanimatesthefleshisdistinctanddifferentbecauseitcomesfromthehomeofthatinfinitevarietywhichisnecessarytotheultimateevolutionofthegoodandbadthatwesymboliseasheavenandhell。
Further，Ihadandtoacertainextentstillhaveanotheradvantageovermyfather，whichcertainlycametomefrommymother，whowas，asIjudgefromalldescriptionsandsuchlikenessesasremainofher，anextremelyhandsomewoman。Iwasbornmuchbetterlooking。Hewassmallanddark，alittlemanwithdeep—seteyesandbeetlingbrows。Iamalsodark，buttallabovetheaverage，andwellmade。IdonotknowthatIneedsaymoreaboutmypersonalappearance，tomenotaveryattractivesubject，butthefactremainsthattheycalledme"handsomeHumphrey"attheUniversity，andIwasthecaptainofmycollegeboatandwonmanyprizesatathleticsportswhenIhadtimetotrainforthem。
UntilIwentuptoOxfordmyfathereducatedme，partlybecauseheknewthathecoulddoitbetterthananyoneelse，andpartlytosaveschoolexpenses。Theexperimentwasverysuccessful，asmyloveofalloutdoorsportsandofanysmallhazardousadventurethatcametomyhand，alsoofassociatingwithfisherfolkwhomthedangersofthedeepmakemenamongmen，savedmefrombecomingamilksop。FortherestIlearnedmorefrommyfather，whomIalwaysdesiredtopleasebecauseIlovedhim，thanI
shouldhavedoneatthebestandmostcostlyofschools。ThiswasshownwhenatlastIwenttocollegewithascholarship，forthereIdidverywellindeed，assearchwouldstillreveal。
HereIhadbettersetoutsomeofmyshortcomings，whichintheirsumhavemadeafailureofme。Yes，afailureinthehighestsense，thoughItrustwhatStevensoncalls"afaithfulfailure。"Thesehavetheirrootinfastidiousnessandthatlackofperseverance，whichreallymeansalackoffaith，againusingthewordinitshigherandwidersense。Forifonehadrealfaithonewouldalwayspersevere，knowingthatineveryworkundertakenwithhighaim，thereisanelementofnobility，howeverhumbleandunrecognisedthatworkmayseemtobe。GodafterallistheGodofWork，itiswrittenlargeuponthefaceoftheUniverse。I
willnotexpanduponthethought；itwouldleadmetoofarafield，butthosewhohaveunderstandingwillknowwhatImean。
AsregardswhatIinterpretasfastidiousness，thisisnotveryeasytoexpress。Perhapsadefinitionwillhelp。Iamlikeamanwithanover—developedsenseofsmell，whowhenwalkingthroughaforeigncity，howevercleanandwellkept，canalwayscatchtheevilsavoursthatareinseparablefromsuchcities。More，hiskeenperceptionoftheminterfereswithallotherperceptionsandspoilshiswalks。Theresultisthatinafteryears，wheneverhethinksofthatbeautifulcity，heremembers，notitshistoricbuildingsoritswideboulevards，orwhateverithastoboast，butratheritsancient，fish—likesmell。Atleastheremembersthatfirstowingtothisdefectinhistemperament。
Soitiswitheverything。Alovelywomanisspoiledforsuchaonebecausesheeatstoomuchorhastoohighavoice；hedoesnotcareforhisshootingbecausethesceneryisflat，orforhisfishingbecausethegnatsbiteaswellasthetrout。Inshortheisoutoftunewiththeworldasitis。Moreover，thisisaqualitywhich，whereitexists，cannotbeovercome；itaffectsday—labourersaswellasgentlemenatlarge。Itisbredinthebone。
Probablythesecondfailure—breedingfault，lackofperseverance，hasitsrootsinthefirst，atanyrateinmycase。
Atleastonleavingcollegewithsomereputation，IwascalledtotheBarwhere，owingtocertainsolicitorandotherconnections，Ihadagoodopening。Also，owingtotheexcellenceofmymemoryandpowersofwork，Ibeganverywell，makingmoneyevenduringmyfirstyear。Then，asithappened，acertaincasecamemywayand，myleaderfallingillsuddenlyafteritwasopened，wasleftinmyhands。ThemanwhosecauseIwaspleadingwas，Ithink，oneofthebiggestscoundrelsitispossibletoconceive。Itwasawillcaseandifhewon，theeffectwouldbetobeggartwomostestimablemiddle—agedwomenwhowerejustlyentitledtotheproperty，towhichendpersonallyIamconvincedhehadcommittedforgery；theperjurythataccompanieditIdonotevenmention。
Well，hedidwin，thankstome，andtheestimablemiddle—agedladieswerebeggared，andasIheardafterwards，driventosuchextremitiesthatoneofthemdiedofhermiseryandtheotherbecamealodging—housekeeper。Thedetailsdonotmatter，butI
mayexplainthattheseladieswereunattractiveinappearanceandmannerandbrokedownbeneathmycross—examinationwhichmadethemappeartobetellingfalsehoods，whereastheywereonlycompletelyconfused。Further，Iinventedaningenioustheoryofthefactswhich，althoughthejudgeregardeditwithsuspicion，convincedanunusuallystupidjurywhogavemetheirverdict。
EverybodycongratulatedmeandatthetimeIwastriumphant，especiallyasmyleaderhaddeclaredthatourcasewasimpossible。Afterwards，however，myconsciencesmotemesorely，somuchsothatarguingfromthefalsepremiseofthisbusiness，IcametotheconclusionthatthepracticeoftheLawwasnotsuitedtoanhonestman。IdidnottakethelargeviewthatsuchmattersaveragethemselvesupandthatifIhaddoneharminthisinstance，Imightlivetodogoodinmanyothers，andperhapsbecomeajustjudge，evenagreatjudge。HereImaymentionthatinafteryears，whenIgrewrich，Irescuedthatsurvivingoldladyfromherlodging—house，althoughtothisdayshedoesnotknowthenameofheranonymousfriend。Sobydegrees，withoutsayinganything，forIkeptonmychambers，Islippedoutofpractice，tothegreatdisappointmentofeverybodyconnectedwithme，andtooktoauthorship。
Amarvelcametopass，myfirstbookwasanenormoussuccess。
Thewholeworldtalkedofit。Aleadingjournal，delightedtohavediscoveredsomeone，wroteitup；otherjournalsfollowedsuittobeinthemovement。Oneofthem，Iremember，whichhadalreadydismisseditwiththreeorfoursneeringlines，cameoutwithasecondandtwo—columnnotice。ItsoldlikewildfireandI
supposehadsomemerits，foritisstillread，thoughfewknowthatIwroteit，sincefortunatelyitwaspublishedunderapseudonym。
AgainIwasmuchelatedandsettoworktowriteanotherand，asIbelieve，amuchbetterbook。Butjealousieshadbeenexcitedbythisleapingintofameofatotallyunknownperson，whichwere，moreover，accentuatedthroughafoolisharticlethatI
publishedinanswertosomecriticisms，whereinIspokemymindwithaninsanefreedomandbitingsarcasm。IndeedIwasevenmadenoughtoquotenamesandtogivetheexampleoftheverypowerfuljournalwhichatfirstcarpedatmyworkandthengushedoveritwhenitbecamethefashion。Allofthismadememanybitterenemies，asIfoundoutwhenmynextbookappeared。
Itwastorntoshreds，itwasreviledassubversiveofmoralityandreligion，goodarrowsinthosedays。Itwascalledpuerile，half—educatedstuff——Ihalf—educated！More，anutterlyfalsechargeofplagiarismwascookedupagainstmeandsowellandvenomouslyrunthatvastnumbersofpeopleconcludedthatIwasathiefofthelowestorder。Lastly，myfather，fromwhomthesecretcouldnolongerbekept，sternlydisapprovedofboththesebookswhichIadmitwerewrittenfromaveryradicalandsomewhatanti—churchpointofview。Theresultwasourfirstquarrelandbeforeitwasmadeup，hediedsuddenly。
Nowagainfastidiousnessandmylackofperseverancedidtheirwork，andsolemnlyIsworethatIwouldneverwriteanotherbook，anoathwhichIhavekepttillthismoment，atleastsofaraspublicationisconcerned，andnowbreakonlybecauseIconsideritmydutysotodoandamnotanimatedbyanypecuniaryobject。
Thuscametoanendmysecondattemptatcarvingoutacareer。
BynowIhadgrownsavageandcynical，ratherrevengefulalso，I
fear。Knowingmyselftopossessconsiderableabilitiesinsundrydirections，Isatdown，asitwere，tothinkthingsoveranddigestmypastexperiences。Thenitwasthatthetruthofaveryancientadagestruckuponmymind，namely，thatmoneyispower。
HadIsufficientmoneyIcouldlaughatunjustcriticsforexample；indeedtheyortheirpaperswouldscarcelydaretocriticisemeforfearlestitshouldbeinmypowertodothemabadturn。AgainIcouldfollowmyownideasinlifeandperhapsworkgoodintheworld，andliveinsuchsurroundingsascommendedthemselvestome。Itwasasclearasdaylight，but——howtomakethemoney？
Ihadsomecapitalastheresultofmyfather’sdeath，about？，000inall，plusalittlemorethatmytwobookshadbroughtin。InwhatwaycouldIemployittothebestadvantage？I
rememberedthatacousinofmyfatherandthereforemyown，wasasuccessfulstock—broker，alsothattherehadbeensomeaffectionbetweenthem。Iwenttohim，hewasagood，easy—naturedmanwhowasfranklygladtoseeme，andofferedtoput？，000intohisbusiness，forIwasnotmindedtoriskeverythingIhad，ifhewouldgivemeashareintheprofits。Helaughedheartilyatmyaudacity。
"Why，myboy，"hesaid，"beingtotallyinexperiencedatthisgame，youmightloseusmorethanthatinamonth。ButIlikeyourcourage，Ilikeyourcourage，andthetruthisthatIdowanthelp。Iwillthinkitoverandwritetoyou。"
HethoughtitoverandintheendofferedtotrymeforayearatafixedsalarywithapromiseofsomekindofapartnershipifIsuitedhim。Meanwhilemy？，000remainedinmypocket。
Iaccepted，notwithoutreluctancesincewiththeimpatienceofyouthIwantedeverythingatonce。Iworkedhardinthatofficeandsoonmasteredthebusiness，formyknowledgeoffigures——I
hadtakenafirst—classmathematicaldegreeatcollege——cametomyaid，asinawaydidmyacquaintancewithLawandLiterature。
MoreoverIhadacertainaptitudeforwhatiscalledhighfinance。Further，Fortune，asusual，showedmeafavourableface。
InoneyearIgotthepartnershipwithasmallshareinthelargeprofitsofthebusiness。Intwothepartnerabovemeretired，andItookhisplacewithathirdshareofthefirm。Inthreemycousin，satisfiedthatitwasinablehands，begantoceasehisattendanceattheofficeandbetookhimselftogardeningwhichwashishobby。InfourIpaidhimoutaltogether，althoughtodothisIhadtoborrowmoneyonourcredit，forbyagreementthetitleofthefirmwascontinued。Thencamethatextraordinarytimeofboomwhichmanywillremembertotheircost。Imadeaboldstrokeandwon。OnacertainSaturdaywhenthebooksweremadeup，Ifoundthatafterdischargingallliabilities，Ishouldnotbeworthmorethan？0，000。OnthefollowingSaturdaybuttwowhenthebooksweremadeup，Iwasworth？53，000！L’appetitvientenmangeant。Itseemednothingtomewhensomanywereworthmillions。
ForthenextyearIworkedasfewhavedone，andwhenIstruckabalanceattheendofit，IfoundthatonthemostconservativeestimateIwastheownerofamillionandahalfinhardcash，oritsequivalent。IwassotiredoutthatIrememberthisdiscoverydidnotexcitemeatall。Ifeltutterlywearyofallwealth—
huntingandoftheCityanditsways。Moreovermyoldfastidiousnessandlackofperseverancere—assertedthemselves。I
reflected，ratherlateinthedayperhaps，ontheruinthatthisspeculationwasbringingtothousands，ofwhichsomelamentableinstanceshadrecentlycometomynotice，andoncemoreconsideredwhetheritwereasuitablecareerforanuprightman。
Ihadwealth；whyshouldInottakeitandenjoylife？
Also——andheremybusinessacumencamein，Iwassurethatthesetimescouldnotlast。Itiseasytomakemoneyonarisingmarket，butwhenitisfallingthematterisverydifferent。InfiveminutesImadeupmymind。Isentformyjuniorpartners，forIhadtakenintwo，andtoldthemthatIintendedtoretireatonce。Theyweredismayedbothatmyloss，forreallyIwasthefirm，andbecause，astheypointedout，ifIwithdrewallmycapital，therewouldnotbesufficientlefttoenablethemtocarryon。
Oneofthem，abluntandhonestman，saidtomyfacethatitwouldbedishonourableofmetodoso。Iwasinclinedtoanswerhimsharply，thenrememberedthathiswordsweretrue。
"Verywell，"Isaid，"Iwillleaveyou？00，000onwhichyoushallpaymefivepercentinterest，butnoshareoftheprofits。"
Onthesetermswedissolvedthepartnershipandinayeartheyhadlostthe？00，000，fortheslumpcamewithavengeance。Itsavedthem，however，andto—daytheyareearningareasonableincome。ButIhaveneveraskedthemforthat？00，000。
ChapterII
BastinandBickleyBeholdmeoncemoreamanwithoutanoccupation，butnowthepossessorofabout？00，000。Itwasaveryconsiderablefortune，ifnotalargeoneinEngland；nothinglikethemillionsofwhichIhaddreamed，butstillenough。Tomakethemostofitandtobesurethatitremained，Iinvesteditverywell，mostlyinlargemortgagesatfourpercentwhich，ifthesecurityisgood，donotdepreciateincapitalvalue。NeveragaindidItouchasinglespeculativestock，whodesiredtothinknomoreaboutmoney。ItwasatthistimethatIboughttheFulcombeproperty。
Itcostmeabout？20，000ofmycapital，orwithalterations，repairs，etc。，say？50，000，onwhichsumitmaypayanettwoandahalfpercent，notmore。
This？，700oddIhavealwaysdevotedtotheupkeepoftheplace，whichisthereforeinfirst—rateorder。TherestIliveon，orsave。
Thesearrangements，withthebeautifyingandfurnishingofthehouseandtherestorationofthechurchinmemoryofmyfather，occupiedandamusedmeforayearorso，butwhentheywerefinishedtimebegantohangheavyonmyhands。Whatwastheuseofpossessingabout？0，000ayearwhentherewasnothinguponwhichitcouldbespent？Forafterallmyownwantswerefewandsimpleandtheacquisitionofvaluablepicturesandcostlyfurnitureislimitedbyspace。Oh！inmysmallwayIwaslikethewearyKingEcclesiast。ForItoomademegreatworksandhadpossessionsofgreatandsmallcattle（Itriedfarmingandlostmoneyoverit！）andgatheredmesilverandgoldandthepeculiartreasureofkings，whichIpresumemeanswhateveramaninauthoritychieflydesires，andsoforth。But"beholdallwasvanityandvexationofspirit，andtherewasnoprofitunderthesun。"
So，notwithstandingmywealthandhealthandthedeferencewhichistherichman’sportion，especiallywhenthelimitofhisrichesisnotknown，itcameaboutthatItoo"hatedlife，"andthiswhenIwasnotmuchoverthirty。Ididnotknowwhattodo；
forSocietyasthewordisgenerallyunderstood，Ihadnotaste；
itboredme；horse—racingandcardsIloathed，whohadalreadygambledtoomuchonabigscale。Thekillingofcreaturesunderthenameofsportpalleduponme，indeedIbegantodoubtifitwereright，whiletheofficeofajuniorcountymagistrateinaplacewheretherewasnocrime，onlyoccupiedmeanhourortwoamonth。
Lastlymyneighbourswerefewandwithallduedeferencetothem，extremelydull。AtleastIcouldnotunderstandthembecauseinthemtheredidnotseemtobeanythingtounderstand，andIamquitecertainthattheydidnotunderstandme。More，whentheycametolearnthatIwasradicalinmyviewsandhadwrittencertain"dreadful"andsomewhatsocialisticbooksintheformoffiction，theybothfearedandmistrustedmeasanenemytotheirparticularsectionoftherace。AsIhadnotmarriedandshowednoinclinationtodoso，theirwomenkindalso，outoftheirintimateknowledge，proclaimedthatIledanimmorallife，thoughalittlereflectionwouldhaveshownthemthattherewasnooneintheneighbourhoodwhichforatimeIseldomleft，whocouldpossiblyhavetemptedaneducatedcreaturetosuchcourses。
Terribleisthelotofamanwho，whilestillyoungandpossessingtheintellectnecessarytoachievement，isdeprivedofallambition。AndIhadnoneatall。Ididnotevenwishtopurchaseapeerageorabaronetcyinthisfashionorinthat，and，asinmyfather’scase，mytastesweresomanyandsocatholicthatIcouldnotlosemyselfinanyoneofthem。Theyneverbecamemorethandiversionstome。Ahobbyisonlyreallyamusingwhenitbecomesanobsession。
AtlengthmylonesomefriendlinessoppressedmesomuchthatI
tookstepstomitigateit。InmycollegelifeIhadtwoparticularfriendswhomIthinkImusthaveselectedbecausetheyweresoabsolutelydifferentfrommyself。