’Well,well!’saidMrGibson,seeingthathewastobeworsted,andnotcaringenoughaboutthemattertoshowfight。’Perhapsyouareright。
It’sacaseofluxuryversusfreshair。Somepeoplesuffermorefromthewantofonethanfromwantoftheother。YouknowIshallbegladtoseeherifshelikestocome,andtakeusasweare,butIcan’tgiveuptheconsulting—room。It’sanecessity;ourdailybread!’
’I’llwriteandtellthemhowkindMrGibsonis,’saidhiswifeinhighcontentment,asherhusbandlefttheroom。’They’llbejustasmuchobligedtohimasifshehadcome!’
WhetheritwasHelen’sillness,orfromsomeothercause,afterbreakfastCynthiabecameveryflatandabsent,andthislastedalldaylong;Mollyunderstoodnowwhyhermoodshadbeensochangeableformanymonths,andwastenderandforbearingwithheraccordingly。Towardseveningwhenthetwogirlswereleftalone,CynthiacameandstoodoverMolly,sothatherfacecouldnotbeseen。
’Molly,’saidshe,’willyoudoit?Willyoudowhatyousaidlastnight?
Ihavebeenthinkingofitallday,andsometimesIbelievehewouldgiveyoubackthelettersifyouaskedhim;hemightfancy—atanyrateit’sworthtrying,ifyoudon’tverymuchdislikeit。’
Nowitsohappenedthatwitheverythoughtshehadgiventoit,MollydislikedtheideaoftheproposedinterviewwithMr!Prestonmoreandmore;
butitwasafterallherownoffer,andsheneithercouldnorwoulddrawbackfromit;itmightdogood;shedidnotseehowitcouldpossiblydoharm。Soshegaveherconsent,andtriedtoconcealherdistaste,whichgrewuponhermoreandmoreasCynthiahastilyarrangedthedetails。
’YoushallmeethimintheavenueleadingfromtheparklodgeuptotheTowers。Hecancomeinoneway,fromtheTowers,wherehehasoftenbusiness—hehaspass—keyseverywhere—youcangoinaswehaveoftendonebythelodge—youneednotgofar。’
ItdidstrikeMollythatCynthiamusthavehadsomeexperienceinmakingallthesearrangements;andshedidventuretoaskhowhewastobeinformedofallthis?Cynthiaonlyreddened,andreplied,’Oh!nevermind!Hewillonlybetoogladtocome;youheardhimsayhewishedtodiscusstheaffairmore;itisthefirsttimetheappointmenthascomefrommyside。IfI
canbutoncebefree—oh,Molly,Iwillloveyou,andbegratefultoyouallmylife!’
MollythoughtofRoger,andthatthoughtpromptedhernextspeech。
’Itmustbehorrible—IthinkI’mverybrave—butIdon’tthinkI
couldhave—couldhaveacceptedevenRoger,withahalf—cancelledengagementhangingoverme。’Sheblushedasshespoke。
’YouforgethowIdetestMrPreston!’saidCynthia。’Itwasthat,morethananyexcessofloveforRoger,thatmademethankfultobeatleastassecurelypledgedtosomeoneelse。Hedidnotwanttocallitanengagement,butIdid;becauseitgavemethefeelingofassurancethatIwasfreefromMrPreston。AndsoIam!allbuttheseletters。Oh!ifyoucanbutmakehimtakebackhisabominablemoney,andgetmemyletters。Thenwewouldburyitallinoblivion,andhecouldmarrysomebodyelse,andI
wouldmarryRoger,andnoonewouldbethewiser。Afterallitwasonlywhatpeoplecall"youthfulfolly。"AndyoumaytellMrPrestonthatassoonashemakesmyletterspublic,showsthemtoyourfatheroranything,I’llgoawayfromHollingford,andnevercomeback——’
Loadedwithmanysuchmessages,whichshefeltthatsheshouldneverdeliver,notreallyknowingwhatsheshouldsay,hatingtheerrand,notsatisfiedwithCynthia’smannerofspeakingaboutherrelationstoRoger,oppressedwithshameandcomplicityinconductwhichappearedtoherdeceitful,yetwillingtobearallandbraveall,ifshecouldoncesetCynthiainastraightpath—inaclearspace,andalmostmorepitifultoherfriend’sgreatdistressandpossibledisgrace,thanabletogiveherthatlovewhichinvolvesperfectsympathy,Mollysetoutonherwalktowardstheappointedplace。Itwasacloudyblusteringday,andthenoiseoftheblowingwindamongthenearlyleaflessbranchesofthegreattreesfilledherears,asshepassedthroughthepark—gatesandenteredtheavenue。Shewalkedquickly,instinctivelywishingtogetherbloodup,andhavenotimeforthought。Buttherewasabendintheavenueaboutaquarterofamilefromthelodge;afterthatbenditwasastraightlineuptothegreathouse,nowemptiedofitsinhabitants。Mollydidnotlikegoingquiteoutofsightofthelodge,andshestoodfacingit,closebythetrunkofoneofthetrees。Presentlysheheardastepcomingoverthegrass。ItwasMrPreston。
Hesawawoman’sfigure,half—behindthetrunkofatree,andmadenodoubtthatitwasCynthia。Butwhenhecamenearer,almostclose,thefigureturnedround,and,insteadofthebrilliantlycolouredfaceofCynthia,hemetthepaleresolvedlookofMolly。Shedidnotspeaktogreethim,butthoughhefeltsurefromthegeneralaspectofpallorandtimiditythatshewasafraidofhim,hersteadygreyeyesmethiswithcourageousinnocence。
’IsCynthiaunabletocome?’askedhe,perceivingthatsheexpectedhim。
’Ididnotknowyouthoughtthatyoushouldmeether,’saidMolly,alittlesurprised。InhersimplicityshehadbelievedthatCynthiahadnamedthatitwasshe,MollyGibson,whowouldmeetMrPrestonatagiventimeandplace;butCynthiahadbeentooworldly—wiseforthat,andhaddecoyedhimthitherbyavaguelywordednote,which,whileavoidingactualfalsehood,hadledhimtobelievethatsheherselfwouldgivehimthemeeting。
’Shesaidsheshouldbehere,’saidMrPreston,extremelyannoyedatbeingentrappedashenowfeltthathehadbeen,intoaninterviewwithMissGibson。Mollyhesitatedalittlebeforeshespoke。Hewasdeterminednottobreakthesilence;asshehadintrudedherselfintotheaffair,sheshouldfindhersituationasawkwardaspossible。
’Atanyrateshesentmeheretomeetyou,’saidMolly。’Shehastoldmeexactlyhowmattersstandbetweenyouandher。’
’Hasshe?’sneeredhe。’Sheisnotalwaysthemostopenorreliablepersonintheworld!’
Mollyreddened。Sheperceivedtheimpertinenceofthetone;andhertemperwasnoneofthecoolest。Butshemasteredherselfandgainedcouragebysodoing。
’Youshouldnotspeaksoofthepersonyouprofesstowishtohaveforyourwife。Butputtingallthataside,youhavesomelettersofhersthatshewishestohavebackagain。’
’Idaresay。’
’Andthatyouhavenorighttokeep。’
’Nolegal,ornomoralright?whichdoyoumean?’
’Idonotknow;simplyyouhavenorightatall,asagentleman,tokeepagirl’sletterswhensheasksforthembackagain,muchlesstoholdthemoverherasathreat。’
’Iseeyoudoknowall,MissGibson,’saidhe,changinghismannertooneofmorerespect。’Atleastshehastoldyouherstoryfromherpointofview,herside;nowyoumusthearmine。Shepromisedmeassolemnlyaseverwoman——’
’Shewasnotawoman,shewasonlyagirl,barelysixteen。’
’Oldenoughtoknowwhatshewasdoing;butI’llcallheragirlifyoulike。Shepromisedmesolemnlytobemywife,makingtheonestipulationofsecrecy,andacertainperiodofwaiting;shewrotemelettersrepeatingthispromise,andconfidentialenoughtoprovethatsheconsideredherselfboundtomebysuchanimpliedrelation。Idon’tgiveintohumbug—I
don’tsetmyselfupasasaint—andinmostwaysIcanlookaftermyowninterestsprettykeenly;youknowenoughofherpositionasapennilessgirl,andatthattime,withnoinfluentialconnectionstotaketheplaceofwealth,andhelpmeonintheworld,itwasassincereandunworldlyapassionasevermanfelt;shemustsaysoherself。Imighthavemarriedtwoorthreegirlswithplentyofmoney;oneofthemwashandsomeenough,andnotatallreluctant。’
Mollyinterruptedhim;shewaschafedattheconceitofhismanner。
’Ibegyourpardon,butIdonotwanttohearaccountsofyoungladieswhomyoumighthavemarried;IcomeheresimplyonbehalfofCynthia,whodoesnotlikeyou,andwhodoesnotwishtomarryyou。’
’Well,thenImustmakeher"like"me,asyoucallit。Shedid"like"
meonce,andmadepromiseswhichshewillfinditrequirestheconsentoftwopeopletobreak。Idon’tdespairofmakingherlovemeasmuchasevershedid,accordingtoherletters,atleast,whenwearemarried。’
’Shewillnevermarryyou,’saidMolly,firmly。
’Thenifsheeverhonoursanyoneelsewithherpreference,heshallbeallowedtheperusalofherletterstome。’
Mollyalmostcouldhavelaughed;shewassosecureandcertainthatRogerwouldneverreadlettersofferedtohimunderthesecircumstances;
butthenshethoughtthathewouldfeelsuchpainatthewholeaffair,andatthecontactwithMrPreston,especiallyifhehadnotheardofitfromCynthiafirst,andifshe,Molly,couldsavehimpainshewould。Beforeshecouldsettlewhattosay,MrPrestonspokeagain。
’YousaidtheotherdaythatCynthiawasengaged。MayIaskwhomto?’
’No,’saidMolly,’youmaynot。Youheardhersayitwasnotanengagement。
Itisnotexactly;andifitwereafullengagement,doyouthink,afterwhatyoulastsaid,Ishouldtellyoutowhom?Butyoumaybesureofthis,hewouldneverreadalineofyourletters。Heistoo—No!Iwon’tspeakofhimbeforeyou。Youcouldneverunderstandhim。’
’Itseemstomethatthismysterious"he"isaveryfortunatepersontohavesuchawarmdefenderinMissGibson,towhomheisnotatallengaged,’
saidMrPreston,withsodisagreeablealookonhisfacethatMollysuddenlyfoundherselfonthepointofburstingintotears。Butsheralliedherself,andworkedon—forCynthiafirst,andforRogeraswell。
’Nohonourablemanorwomanwillreadyourletters,andifanypeopledoreadthem,theywillbesomuchashamedofitthattheywon’tdaretospeakofthem。Whatusecantheybeoftoyou?’
’TheycontainCynthia’sreiteratedpromisesofmarriage,’repliedhe。
’ShesaysshewouldratherleaveHollingfordforever,andgoouttoearnherbread,thanmarryyou。’
Hisfacefellalittle。HelookedsobitterlymortifiedthatMollywasalmostsorryforhim。
’Doesshesaythattoyouincoldblood?Doyouknowyouaretellingmeveryhardtruths,MissGibson?—iftheyaretruths,thatistosay,’
hecontinued,recoveringhimselfalittle。’Youngladiesareveryfondofthewords"hate"and"detest。"Ihaveknownmanywhohaveappliedthemtomenwhomtheywereallthetimehopingtomarry。’
’Icannottellaboutotherpeople,’saidMolly,’IonlyknowthatCynthiadoes—’Hereshehesitatedforamoment;shefellforhispain,andsoshehesitated;butthenshebroughtitout,—’doesasnearlyhateyouasanybodylikehereverdoeshate。’
’Likeher?’saidhe,repeatingthewordsalmostunconsciously,seizingonanythingtotryandhidehismortification。
’Imean,Ishouldhateworse,’saidMollyinalowvoice。
Buthedidnotattendmuchtoheranswer。Hewasworkingthepointofhisstickintotheturf,andhiseyeswerebentonit。
’Sonowwouldyoumindsendingherbackthelettersbyme?Idoassureyouthatyoucannotmakehermarryyou。’
’Youareverysimple,MissGibson,’saidhe,suddenlyliftinguphishead。’Isupposethatyoudon’tknowthatthereisanyotherfeelingthatcanbegratified,exceptinglove。Haveyouneverheardofrevenge?Cynthiahadcajoledmewithpromises,andlittleasyouorshemaybelieveme—
well,it’sofnousespeakingofthat。Idon’tmeantolethergounpunished。
Youmaytellherthat。Ishallkeeptheletters,andmakeuseofthemasIseefitwhentheoccasionarises。’
Mollywasmiserablyangrywithherselfforhermismanagementoftheaffair。Shehadhopedtosucceed:shehadonlymademattersworse。Whatnewargumentcouldsheuse?Meanwhilehewenton,lashinghimselfupashethoughthowthetwogirlsmusthavetalkedhimover,bringinginwoundedvanitytoaddtotherageofdisappointedlove。
’MrOsborneHamleymayhearoftheircontents,thoughhemaybetoohonourabletoreadthem。Nay,evenyourfathermayhearwhispers;andifIrememberthemrightly,MissCynthiaKirkpatrickdoesnotalwaysspeakinthemostrespectfultermsoftheladywhoisnowMrsGibson。Thereare——’
’Stop,’saidMolly。’Iwon’thearanythingoutoftheseletters,written,whenshewasalmostwithoutfriends,toyouwhomshelookeduponasafriend!
ButIhavethoughtofwhatIwilldonext。Igiveyoufairwarning。IfIhadnotbeenfoolishIshouldhavetoldmyfather,butCynthiamademepromisethatIwouldnot。SoIwilltellitall,frombeginningtoend,toLadyHarriet,andaskhertospeaktoherfather。Ifeelsurethatshewilldoit;andIdon’tthinkyouwilldaretorefuseLordCumnor。’
Hefeltatoncethatheshouldnotdare;that,cleverland—agentashewas,andhighupintheearl’sfavouronthataccount,yetthattheconductofwhichhehadbeenguiltyabouttheseletters,andthethreatswhichhehadheldoutaboutthem,werejustwhatnogentleman,nohonourableman,nomanlyman,couldputupwithinanyoneabouthim。Heknewthatmuch,andhewonderedhowshe,thegirlstandingbeforehim,hadbeencleverenoughtofinditout。Heforgothimselfforaninstantinadmirationofher。Thereshestood,frightened,yetbrave,notlettinggoherholdonwhatshemeanttodo,evenwhenthingsseemedmostagainsther;andbesides,therewassomethingthatstruckhimmostofallperhaps,andwhichshowsthekindofmanhewas—heperceivedthatMollywasasunconsciousthathewasayoungman,andsheayoungwoman,asifshehadbeenapureangelofheaven。Thoughhefeltthathewouldhavetoyield,andgiveuptheletters,hewasnotgoingtodoitatonce;andwhilehewasthinkingwhattosaysoasstilltoevademakinganyconcessiontillhehadhadtimetothinkoverit,he,withhisquicksensesallabouthim,heardthetrottingofahorsecranchingquicklyalongoverthegravelofthedrive。Amomentafterwards,Molly’sperceptionovertookhis。Hecouldseethestartledlookoverspreadherface;andinaninstantshewouldhaverunaway,butbeforethefirstrushwasmade,MrPrestonlaidhishandfirmlyonherarm。
’Keepquiet。Youmustbeseen。You,atanyrate,havedonenothingtobeashamedof。’
AshespokeMrSheepshankscameroundthebendoftheroadandwascloseuponthem。MrPrestonsaw,ifMollydidnot,thesuddenlookofintelligencethatdawnedupontheshrewdruddyfaceoftheoldgentleman—saw,butdidnotmuchheed。HewentforwardsandspoketoMrSheepshanks,whomadeahaltrightbeforethem。
’MissGibson!yourservant!Ratherablusteringdayforayoungladytobeout,andcold,Ishouldsay,forstandingstilltoolong;eh,Preston?’
pokinghiswhipatthelatterinaknowingmanner。
’Yes,’saidMrPreston;’andI’mafraidIhavekeptMissGibsontoolongstanding。’
Mollydidnotknowwhattosayordo;sosheonlybowedasilentfarewell,andturnedawaytogohome,feelingveryheavyatheartatthenon—successofherundertaking。Forshedidnotknowhowshehadconquered,infact,althoughMrPrestonmightnotasyetacknowledgeiteventohimself。Beforeshewasoutofhearing,sheheardMrSheepshankssay,—
’Sorrytohavedisturbedyourtê;te—?tê;te,Preston,’butthoughsheheardthewords,theirimpliedsensedidnotsinkintohermind;
shewasonlyfeelinghowshehadgoneoutgloriousandconfident,andwascomingbacktoCynthiadefeated。PrCynthiawasonthewatchforherreturn,and,rushingdownstairs,draggedMollyintothedining—room。
’Well,Molly?Oh!Iseeyouhavenotgotthem。Afterall,Ineverexpectedit。’Shesatedown,asifshecouldgetoverherdisappointmentbetterinthatposition,andMollystoodlikeaguiltypersonbeforeher。
’Iamsosorry;IdidallIcould;wewereinterruptedatlast—MrSheepshanksrodeup。’
’Provokingoldman!Doyouthinkyoushouldhavepersuadedhimtogiveupthelettersifyouhadhadmoretime?’
’Idon’tknow。IwishMrSheepshankshadnotcomejustthen。IdidnotlikehisfindingmestandingtalkingtoMrPreston。’
’Oh!Idaresayhewouldneverthinkanythingaboutit。Whatdidhe—
MrPreston—say?’
’Heseemedtothinkyouwerefullyengagedtohim,andthattheselettersweretheonlyproofhehad。Ithinkhelovesyouinhisway。’
’Hisway,indeed!’saidCynthia,scornfully。
’ThemoreIthinkofit,themoreIseeitwouldbebetterforpapatospeaktohim。IdidsayIwouldtellitalltoLadyHarriet,andgetLordCumnortomakehimgiveuptheletters。Butitwouldbeveryawkward。’
’Very!’saidCynthia,gloomily。’Buthewouldseeitwasonlyathreat。’
’ButIwilldoitinamoment,ifyoulike。ImeantwhatIsaid;onlyIfeelthatpapawouldmanageitbestofall,andmoreprivately。’
’I’lltellyouwhat,Molly;you’reboundbyapromise,youknow,andcannottellMrGibsonwithoutbreakingyoursolemnword;butit’sjustthis。I’llleaveHollingfordandnevercomebackagain,ifeveryourfatherhearsofthisaffair;there!’Cynthiastoodupnow,andbegantofoldupMolly’sshawl,inhernervousexcitement。
’Oh,Cynthia—Roger!’wasallthatMollysaid。
’Yes,Iknow!youneednotremindmeofhim。ButI’mnotgoingtoliveinthehousewithanyonewhomaybealwayscastingupinhismindthethingshehadheardagainstme—things—faults,perhaps—whichsoundsomuchworsethantheyreallyare。IwassohappywhenIfirstcamehere:
youalllikedme,andadmiredme,andthoughtwellofme,andnow——Why,Molly,Icanseethedifferenceinyoualready。Youcarryyourthoughtsinyourface—Ihavereadthemtherethesetwodays—you’vebeenthinking,"HowCynthiamusthavedeceivedme;keepingupacorrespondenceallthistime—havinghalf—engagementstotwomen。"You’vebeenmorefullofthatthanofpityformeasagirlwhohasalwaysbeenobligedtomanageforherself,withoutanyfriendtohelpherandprotecther。’
Mollywassilent。TherewasagreatdealoftruthinwhatCynthiawassaying;andyetagreatdealoffalsehood。For,throughallthislongforty—eighthours,MollyhadlovedCynthiadearly;andhadbeenmoreweigheddownbythepositionthelatterwasinthanCynthiaherself。Shealsoknew—butthiswasasecondthoughtfollowingontheother—thatshehadsufferedmuchpainintryingtodoherbestinthisinterviewwithMrPreston。Shehadbeentriedbeyondherstrength;andthegreattearswelledupintohereyes,andfellslowlydownhercheeks。
’Oh!whatabruteIam,’saidCynthia,kissingthemaway。’Isee—I
knowitisthetruth,andIdeserveit—butIneednotreproachyou。’
’Youdidnotreproachme!’saidMolly,tryingtosmile。’Ihavethoughtsomeofwhatyousaid—butIdoloveyoudearly—dearly,Cynthia—I
shouldhavedonejustthesameasyoudid。’
’No,youwouldnot。Yourgrainisdifferent,somehow。’
chapter45
CHAPTERXLVCONFIDENCES
AlltherestofthatdayMollywasdepressedandnotwell。Havinganythingtoconcealwassounusual—almostsounprecedentedacircumstancewithherthatitpreyeduponherineveryway。
Itwasanightmarethatshecouldnotshakeoff;shedidsowishtoforgetitall,andyeteverylittleoccurrenceseemedtoremindherofit。Thenextmorning’spostbroughtseveralletters;onefromRogerforCynthia,andMolly,letterlessherself,lookedatCynthiaasshereadit,withwistfulsadness;itappearedtoMollyasthoughCynthiashouldhavenosatisfactionintheseletters,untilshehadtoldhimwhatwasherexactpositionwithMrPreston;yetCynthiawascolouringanddimplingupasshealwaysdidatanyprettywordsofpraise,oradmiration,orlove。ButMolly’sthoughtsandCynthia’sreadingwerebothinterruptedbyalittletriumphantsoundfromMrsGibson,asshepushedalettershehadjustreceivedtoherhusband,witha,—
’There!ImustsayIexpectedthat!’Then,turningtoCynthia,sheexplained,—’ItisaletterfromuncleKirkpatrick,love。Sokind,wishingyoutogoandstaywiththem,andhelpthemtocheerupHelen;poorHelen!Iamafraidsheisveryfarfromwell。Butwecouldnothavehadherhere,withoutdisturbingdearpapainhisconsulting—room;and,thoughIcouldhaverelinquishedmydressing—room—he—well!soIsaidinmyletterhowyouweregrieved—youaboveallofus,becauseyouaresuchafriendofHelen’s,youknow—andhowyoulongedtobeofuse,—asIamsureyoudo—andsonowtheywantyoutogoupdirectly,forHelenhasquitesetherheartuponit。’
Cynthia’seyessparkled。’Ishalllikegoing,’saidshe,—’allbutleavingyou,Molly,’sheadded,inalowertone,asifsuddenlysmittenwithsomecompunction。
’Canyoubereadytogoupbythe"Bang—up"to—night?’saidMrGibson,’for,curiouslyenough,aftermorethantwentyyearsofquietpracticeatHollingford,Iamsummonedupto—dayforthefirsttimetoaconsultationinLondon,to—morrow。IamafraidLadyCumnorisworse,mydear。’
’Youdon’tsayso?Poordearlady!Whatashockitistome。I’msogladI’vehadsomebreakfast。Icouldnothaveeatenanything。’
’Nay,Ionlysaysheisworse。Withhercomplaint,beingworsemaybeonlyapreliminarytobeingbetter。Don’ttakemywordsformorethantheirliteralmeaning。’
’Thankyou。Howkindandreassuringdearpapaalwaysis。Aboutyourgowns,Cynthia?’
’Oh,theyareallright,mamma,thankyou。Ishallbequitereadybyfouro’clock。Molly,willyoucomewithmeandhelpmetopack?Iwantedtospeaktoyou,dear,’saidshe,assoonastheyhadgoneupstairs。’Itissucharelieftogetawayfromaplacehauntedbythatman;butI’mafraidyouthoughtIwasgladtoleaveyou;andindeedIamnot。’Therewasalittleflavourof’protestingtoomuch’aboutthis;butMollydidnotperceiveit。Sheonlysaid,’IndeedIdidnot。Iknowfrommyownfeelingshowyoumustdislikemeetingamaninpublicinadifferentmannerfromwhatyouhavedoneinprivate。IshalltrynottoseeMrPrestonagainforalong,longtime,I’msure。AndHelenKirkpatrick—ButCynthia,youhavenottoldmeonewordoutofRoger’sletter。Pleasehowishe?Hashequitegotoverhisattackoffever?’
’Yes,quite。Hewritesinverygoodspirits。Agreatdealaboutbirdsandbeasts,asusual,andhabitsofnatives,andthingsofthatkind。Youmayreadfromthere’—indicatingaplaceintheletter—’tothere,ifyoucan;andI’lltellyouwhat,I’lltrustyouwithit,Molly,whileI
pack(andthatshowsmysenseofyourhonour,notbutwhatyoumightreaditall,onlyyou’dfindthelove—makingdull);butmakealittleaccountofwhereheis,andwhatheisdoing,date,andthatsortofthing,andsendittohisfather。’