Andthenthereispainting。Whataredragistoabull，Turner's"SlaveShip"wastome，beforeIstudiedart。
　　Mr。Ruskiniseducatedinartuptoapointwherethatpicturethrowshimintoasmadanecstasyofpleasureasitusedtothrowmeintooneofrage，lastyear，whenIwasignorant。Hiscultivationenableshim——andme，now——toseewaterinthatglaringyellowmud，andnaturaleffectsinthoseluridexplosionsofmixedsmokeandflame，andcrimsonsunsetglories；itreconcileshim——andme，now——tothefloatingofironcable-chainsandotherunfloatablethings；itreconcilesustofishesswimmingaroundontopofthemud——Imeanthewater。Themostofthepictureisamanifestimpossibility——thatistosay，alie；andonlyrigidcultivationcanenableamantofindtruthinalie。ButitenabledMr。Ruskintodoit，andithasenabledmetodoit，andIamthankfulforit。
　　ABostonnewspaperreporterwentandtookalookattheSlaveShipflounderingaboutinthatfierceconflagrationofredsandyellows，andsaiditremindedhimofatortoise-shellcathavingafitinaplatteroftomatoes。Inmythenuneducatedstate，thatwenthometomynon-cultivation，andIthoughthereisamanwithanunobstructedeye。
　　Mr。Ruskinwouldhavesaid:Thispersonisanass。
　　ThatiswhatIwouldsay，now。[1]
　　1。Monthsafterthiswaswritten，IhappenedintotheNationalGalleryinLondon，andsoonbecamesofascinatedwiththeTurnerpicturesthatIcouldhardlygetawayfromtheplace。
　　Iwentthereoften，afterward，meaningtoseetherestofthegallery，buttheTurnerspellwastoostrong；
　　itcouldnotbeshakenoff。However，theTurnerswhichattractedmemostdidnotremindmeoftheSlaveShip。
　　However，ourbusinessinBaden-Badenthistime，wastojoinourcourier。Ihadthoughtitbesttohireone，asweshouldbeinItaly，byandby，andwedidnotknowthelanguage。Neitherdidhe。
　　Wefoundhimatthehotel，readytotakechargeofus。
　　Iaskedhimifhewas"allfixed。"Hesaidhewas。
　　Thatwasverytrue。Hehadatrunk，twosmallsatchels，andanumbrella。Iwastopayhimfifty-fivedollarsamonthandrailwayfares。Onthecontinenttherailwayfareonatrunkisaboutthesameitisonaman。
　　Couriersdonothavetopayanyboardandlodging。
　　Thisseemsagreatsavingtothetourist——atfirst。
　　ItdoesnotoccurtothetouristthatSOMEBODYpaysthatman'sboardandlodging。Itoccurstohimbyandby，however，inoneofhislucidmoments。
　　CHAPTERXXV
　　[HuntedbytheLittleChamois]
　　NextmorningweleftinthetrainforSwitzerland，andreachedLucerneaboutteno'clockatnight。
　　ThefirstdiscoveryImadewasthatthebeautyofthelakehadnotbeenexaggerated。WithinadayortwoImadeanotherdiscovery。Thiswas，thatthelaudedchamoisisnotawildgoat；thatitisnotahornedanimal；
　　thatitisnotshy；thatitdoesnotavoidhumansociety；
　　andthatthereisnoperilinhuntingit。Thechamoisisablackorbrowncreaturenobiggerthanamustardseed；
　　youdonothavetogoafterit，itcomesafteryou；
　　itarrivesinvastherdsandskipsandscampersalloveryourbody，insideyourclothes；thusitisnotshy，butextremelysociable；itisnotafraidofman，onthecontrary，itwillattackhim；itsbiteisnotdangerous，butneitherisitpleasant；itsactivityhasnotbeenoverstated——ifyoutrytoputyourfingeronit，itwillskipathousandtimesitsownlengthatonejump，andnoeyeissharpenoughtoseewhereitlights。
　　AgreatdealofromanticnonsensehasbeenwrittenabouttheSwisschamoisandtheperilsofhuntingit，whereasthetruthisthatevenwomenandchildrenhuntit，andfearlessly；indeed，everybodyhuntsit；
　　thehuntingisgoingonallthetime，dayandnight，inbedandoutofit。Itispoeticfoolishnesstohuntitwithagun；veryfewpeopledothat；thereisnotonemaninamillionwhocanhititwithagun。
　　Itismucheasiertocatchitthatitistoshootit，andonlytheexperiencedchamois-huntercandoeither。
　　Anothercommonpieceofexaggerationisthataboutthe"scarcity"ofthechamois。Itisthereverseofscarce。
　　DrovesofonehundredmillionchamoisarenotunusualintheSwisshotels。Indeed，theyaresonumerousastobeagreatpest。Theromancersalwaysdressupthechamois-hunterinafancifulandpicturesquecostume，whereasthebestwaytohutthisgameistodoitwithoutanycostumeatall。Thearticleofcommercecalledchamois-skinisanotherfraud；nobodycouldskinachamois，itistoosmall。Thecreatureisahumbugineveryway，andeverythingwhichhasbeenwrittenaboutitissentimentalexaggeration。Itwasnopleasuretometofindthechamoisout，forhehadbeenoneofmypetillusions；
　　allmylifeithadbeenmydreamtoseehiminhisnativewildssomeday，andengageintheadventuroussportofchasinghimfromclifftocliff。Itisnopleasuretometoexposehim，now，anddestroythereader'sdelightinhimandrespectforhim，butstillitmustbedone，forwhenanhonestwriterdiscoversanimpositionitishissimpledutytostripitbareandhurlitdownfromitsplaceofhonor，nomatterwhosuffersbyit；
　　anyothercoursewouldrenderhimunworthyofthepublicconfidence。
　　Lucerneisacharmingplace。Itbeginsatthewater'sedge，withafringeofhotels，andscramblesupandspreadsitselfovertwoorthreesharphillsinacrowded，disorderly，butpicturesqueway，offeringtotheeyeaheaped-upconfusionofredroofs，quaintgables，dormerwindows，toothpicksteeples，withhereandthereabitofancientembattledwallbendingitselfovertheridges，worm-fashion，andhereandthereanoldsquaretowerofheavymasonry。Andalsohereandthereatownclockwithonlyonehand——ahandwhichstretchesacrossthedialandhasnojointinit；suchaclockhelpsoutthepicture，butyoucannottellthetimeofdaybyit。
　　Betweenthecurvinglineofhotelsandthelakeisabroadavenuewithlampsandadoublerankoflowshadetrees。
　　Thelake-frontiswalledwithmasonrylikeapier，andhasarailing，tokeeppeoplefromwalkingoverboard。
　　Alldaylongthevehiclesdashalongtheavenue，andnurses，children，andtouristssitintheshadeofthetrees，orleanontherailingandwatchtheschoolsoffishesdartingaboutintheclearwater，orgazeoutoverthelakeatthestatelyborderofsnow-hoodedmountainspeaks。
　　Littlepleasuresteamers，blackwithpeople，arecomingandgoingallthetime；andeverywhereoneseesyounggirlsandyoungmenpaddlingaboutinfancifulrowboats，orskimmingalongbythehelpofsailswhenthereisanywind。
　　Thefrontroomsofthehotelshavelittlerailedbalconies，whereonemaytakehisprivateluncheonincalm，coolcomfortandlookdownuponthisbusyandprettysceneandenjoyitwithouthavingtodoanyoftheworkconnectedwithit。
　　Mostofthepeople，bothmaleandfemale，areinwalkingcostume，andcarryalpenstocks。Evidently，itisnotconsideredsafetogoaboutinSwitzerland，evenintown，withoutanalpenstock。Ifthetouristforgetsandcomesdowntobreakfastwithouthisalpenstockhegoesbackandgetsit，andstandsitupinthecorner。
　　WhenhistouringinSwitzerlandisfinished，hedoesnotthrowthatbroomstickaway，butlugsithomewithhim，tothefarcornersoftheearth，althoughthiscostshimmoretroubleandbotherthanababyoracouriercould。
　　Yousee，thealpenstockishistrophy；hisnameisburneduponit；andifhehasclimbedahill，orjumpedabrook，ortraversedabrickyardwithit，hehasthenamesofthoseplacesburneduponit，too。
　　Thusitishisregimentalflag，sotospeak，andbearstherecordofhisachievements。Itisworththreefrancswhenhebuysit，butabonanzacouldnotpurchaseitafterhisgreatdeedshavebeeninscribeduponit。
　　ThereareartisansallaboutSwitzerlandwhosetradeitistoburnthesethingsuponthealpenstockofthetourist。
　　Andobserve，amanisrespectedinSwitzerlandaccordingtohisalpenstock。IfoundIcouldgetnoattentionthere，whileIcarriedanunbrandedone。However，brandingisnotexpected，soIsoonremediedthat。Theeffectuponthenextdetachmentoftouristswasverymarked。
　　Ifeltrepaidformytrouble。
　　HalfofthesummerhordeinSwitzerlandismadeupofEnglishpeople；theotherhalfismadeupofmanynationalities，theGermansleadingandtheAmericanscomingnext。
　　TheAmericanswerenotasnumerousasIhadexpectedtheywouldbe。
　　Theseven-thirtytabled'ho^teatthegreatSchweitzerhoffurnishedamightyarrayandvarietyofnationalities，butitofferedabetteropportunitytoobservecostumesthanpeople，forthemultitudesatatimmenselylongtables，andthereforethefacesweremainlyseeninperspective；
　　butthebreakfastswereservedatsmallroundtables，andthenifonehadthefortunetogetatableinthemidstoftheassemblagehecouldhaveasmanyfacestostudyashecoulddesire。Weusedtotrytoguessoutthenationalities，andgenerallysucceededtolerablywell。
　　Sometimeswetriedtoguesspeople'snames；butthatwasafailure；thatisathingwhichprobablyrequiresagooddealofpractice。Wepresentlydroppeditandgaveoureffortstolessdifficultparticulars。OnemorningI
　　said:
　　"ThereisanAmericanparty。"
　　Harrissaid:
　　"Yes——butnamethestate。"
　　Inamedonestate，Harrisnamedanother。Weagreedupononething，however——thattheyounggirlwiththepartywasverybeautiful，andverytastefullydressed。
　　Butwedisagreedastoherage。Isaidshewaseighteen，Harrissaidshewastwenty。Thedisputebetweenuswaxedwarm，andIfinallysaid，withapretenseofbeinginearnest:
　　"Well，thereisonewaytosettlethematter——Iwillgoandaskher。"
　　Harrissaid，sarcastically，"Certainly，thatisthethingtodo。Allyouneedtodoistousethecommonformulaoverhere:goandsay，'I'manAmerican!'Ofcourseshewillbegladtoseeyou。"
　　Thenhehintedthatperhapstherewasnogreatdangerofmyventuringtospeaktoher。
　　Isaid，"Iwasonlytalking——Ididn'tintendtoapproachher，butIseethatyoudonotknowwhatanintrepidpersonIam。Iamnotafraidofanywomanthatwalks。
　　Iwillgoandspeaktothisyounggirl。"
　　ThethingIhadinmymindwasnotdifficult。
　　Imeanttoaddressherinthemostrespectfulwayandaskhertopardonmeifherstrongresemblancetoaformeracquaintanceofminewasdeceivingme；andwhensheshouldreplythatthenameImentionedwasnotthenameshebore，Imeanttobegpardonagain，mostrespectfully，andretire。
　　Therewouldbenoharmdone。Iwalkedtohertable，bowedtothegentleman，thenturnedtoherandwasabouttobeginmylittlespeechwhensheexclaimed:
　　"IKNEWIwasn'tmistaken——ItoldJohnitwasyou!
　　Johnsaiditprobablywasn't，butIknewIwasright。
　　Isaidyouwouldrecognizemepresentlyandcomeover；
　　andI'mgladyoudid，forIshouldn'thavefeltmuchflatteredifyouhadgoneoutofthisroomwithoutrecognizingme。
　　Sitdown，sitdown——howodditis——youarethelastpersonI
　　waseverexpectingtoseeagain。"
　　Thiswasastupefyingsurprise。Ittookmywitsclearaway，foraninstant。However，weshookhandscordiallyallaround，andIsatdown。ButtrulythiswasthetightestplaceIeverwasin。Iseemedtovaguelyrememberthegirl'sface，now，butIhadnoideawhereI
　　hadseenitbefore，orwhatnamedbelongedwithit。
　　IimmediatelytriedtogetupadiversionaboutSwissscenery，tokeepherfromlaunchingintotopicsthatmightbetraythatIdidnotknowher，butitwasofnouse，shewentrightalonguponmatterswhichinterestedhermore:
　　"Ohdear，whatanightthatwas，whentheseawashedtheforwardboatsaway——doyourememberit?"
　　"Oh，DON'TI!"saidI——butIdidn't。Iwishedtheseahadwashedtherudderandthesmoke-stackandthecaptainaway——thenIcouldhavelocatedthisquestioner。
　　"Anddon'tyourememberhowfrightenedpoorMarywas，andhowshecried?"
　　"IndeedIdo!"saidI。"Dearme，howitallcomesback!"
　　IferventlywisheditWOULDcomeback——butmymemorywasablank。Thewisewaywouldhavebeentofranklyownup；
　　butIcouldnotbringmyselftodothat，aftertheyounggirlhadpraisedmesoforrecognizingher；soIwenton，deeperanddeeperintothemire，hopingforachancecluebutnevergettingone。TheUnrecognizablecontinued，withvivacity:
　　"Doyouknow，GeorgemarriedMary，afterall?"
　　"Why，no!Didhe?"
　　"Indeedhedid。Hesaidhedidnotbelieveshewashalfasmuchtoblameasherfatherwas，andIthoughthewasright。Didn'tyou?"
　　"Ofcoursehewas。Itwasaperfectlyplaincase。
　　Ialwayssaidso。"
　　"Why，noyoudidn't!——atleastthatsummer。"
　　"Oh，no，notthatsummer。No，youareperfectlyrightaboutthat。ItwasthefollowingwinterthatIsaidit。"
　　"Well，asitturnedout，Marywasnotintheleasttoblame——itwasallherfather'sfault——atleasthisandoldDarley's。"
　　Itwasnecessarytosaysomething——soIsaid:
　　"IalwaysregardedDarleyasatroublesomeoldthing。"
　　"Sohewas，butthentheyalwayshadagreataffectionforhim，althoughhehadsomanyeccentricities。
　　Yourememberthatwhentheweatherwastheleastcold，hewouldtrytocomeintothehouse。"
　　Iwasratherafraidtoproceed。EvidentlyDarleywanotaman——hemustbesomeotherkindofanimal——possiblyadog，maybeanelephant。However，tailsarecommontoallanimals，soIventuredtosay:
　　"Andwhatatailhehad!"
　　"ONE!Hehadathousand!"
　　Thiswasbewildering。Ididnotquiteknowwhattosay，soIonlysaid:
　　"Yes，heWASratherwellfixedinthematteroftails。"
　　"Foranegro，andacrazyoneatthat，Ishouldsayhewas，"
　　saidshe。
　　Itwasgettingprettysultryforme。Isaidtomyself，"Isitpossiblesheisgoingtostopthere，andwaitformetospeak?Ifshedoes，theconversationisblocked。
　　Anegrowithathousandtailsisatopicwhichapersoncannottalkuponfluentlyandinstructivelywithoutmoreorlesspreparation。Astodivingrashlyintosuchavastsubject——"
　　Buthere，tomygratitude，sheinterruptedmythoughtsbysaying:
　　"Yes，whenitcametotalesofhiscrazywoes，therewassimplynoendtothemifanybodywouldlisten。Hisownquarterswerecomfortableenough，butwhentheweatherwascold，thefamilyweresuretohavehiscompany——nothingcouldkeephimoutofthehouse。ButtheyalwaysboreitkindlybecausehehadsavedTom'slife，yearsbefore。
　　YourememberTom?
　　"Oh，perfectly。Finefellowhewas，too。"
　　"Yeshewas。Andwhataprettylittlethinghischildwas!"
　　"Youmaywellsaythat。Ineversawaprettierchild。"
　　"Iusedtodelighttopetitanddandleitandplaywithit。"
　　"SodidI。"
　　"Younamedit。WhatWASthatname?Ican'tcallittomind。"
　　Itappearedtomethattheicewasgettingprettythin，here。Iwouldhavegivensomethingtoknowwhatthechild'swas。However，Ihadthegoodlucktothinkofanamethatwouldfiteithersex——soIbroughtitout:
　　"InameditFrances。"
　　"Fromarelative，Isuppose?Butyounamedtheonethatdied，too——onethatIneversaw。Whatdidyoucallthatone?"
　　Iwasoutofneutralnames，butasthechildwasdeadandshehadneverseenit，IthoughtImightriskanameforitandtrusttoluck。ThereforeIsaid:
　　"IcalledthatoneThomasHenry。"
　　Shesaid，musingly:
　　"Thatisverysingular……verysingular。"
　　Isatstillandletthecoldsweatrundown。Iwasinagooddealoftrouble，butIbelievedIcouldworrythroughifshewouldn'taskmetonameanymorechildren。
　　Iwonderedwherethelightningwasgoingtostrikenext。
　　Shewasstillruminatingoverthatlastchild'stitle，butpresentlyshesaid:
　　"Ihavealwaysbeensorryyouwereawayatthetime——I
　　wouldhavehadyounamemychild。"
　　"YOURchild!Areyoumarried?"
　　"Ihavebeenmarriedthirteenyears。"
　　"Christened，youmean。"
　　`"No，married。Theyouthbyyoursideismyson。"
　　"Itseemsincredible——evenimpossible。Idonotmeananyharmbyit，butwouldyoumindtellingmeifyouareanyovereighteen?——thatistosay，willyoutellmehowoldyouare?"
　　"Iwasjustnineteenthedayofthestormweweretalkingabout。Thatwasmybirthday。"
　　Thatdidnothelpmatters，much，asIdidnotknowthedateofthestorm。Itriedtothinkofsomenon-committalthingtosay，tokeepupmyendofthetalk，andrendermypovertyinthematterofreminiscencesaslittlenoticeableaspossible，butIseemedtobeaboutoutofnon-committalthings。Iwasabouttosay，"Youhaven'tchangedabitsincethen"——butthatwasrisky。
　　Ithoughtofsaying，"Youhaveimprovedeversomuchsincethen"——butthatwouldn'tanswer，ofcourse。
　　Iwasabouttotryashyattheweather，forasavingchange，whenthegirlslippedinaheadofmeandsaid:
　　"HowIhaveenjoyedthistalkoverthosehappyoldtimes——
　　haven'tyou?"
　　"Ineverhavespentsuchahalf-hourinallmylifebefore!"
　　saidI，withemotion；andIcouldhaveadded，withanearapproachtotruth，"andIwouldratherbescalpedthanspendanotheronelikeit。"Iwasholilygratefultobethroughwiththeordeal，andwasabouttomakemygood-bysandgetout，whenthegirlsaid:
　　"Butthereisonethingthatiseversopuzzlingtome。"
　　"Why，whatisthat?"
　　"Thatdeadchild'sname。Whatdidyousayitwas?"
　　Herewasanotherbalmyplacetobein:Ihadforgottenthechild'sname；Ihadn'timagineditwouldbeneededagain。
　　However，Ihadtopretendtoknow，anyway，soIsaid:
　　"JosephWilliam。"
　　Theyouthatmysidecorrectedme，andsaid:
　　"No，ThomasHenry。"
　　Ithankedhim——inwords——andsaid，withtrepidation:
　　"Oyes——IwasthinkingofanotherchildthatInamed——I
　　havenamedagreatmany，andIgetthemconfused——thisonewasnamedHenryThompson——"
　　"ThomasHenry，"calmlyinterposedtheboy。
　　Ithankedhimagain——strictlyinwords——andstammeredout:
　　"ThomasHenry——yes，ThomasHenrywasthepoorchild'sname。
　　InamedhimforThomas——er——ThomasCarlyle，thegreatauthor，youknow——andHenry——er——er——HenrytheEight。TheparentswereverygratefultohaveachildnamedThomasHenry。"
　　"Thatmakesitmoresingularthanever，"murmuredmybeautifulfriend。
　　"Doesit?Why?"
　　"Becausewhentheparentsspeakofthatchildnow，theyalwayscallitSusanAmelia。"
　　Thatspikedmygun。Icouldnotsayanything。Iwasentirelyoutofverbalobliquities；togofurtherwouldbetolie，andthatIwouldnotdo；soIsimplysatstillandsuffered——satmutelyandresignedlythere，andsizzled——forI
　　wasbeingslowlyfriedtodeathinmyownblushes。
　　Presentlytheenemylaughedahappylaughandsaid:
　　"IHAVEenjoyedthistalkoveroldtimes，butyouhavenot。
　　Isawverysoonthatyouwereonlypretendingtoknowme，andsoasIhadwastedacomplimentonyouinthebeginning，Imadeupmymindtopunishyou。AndIhavesucceededprettywell。IwasgladtoseethatyouknewGeorgeandTomandDarley，forIhadneverheardofthembeforeandthereforecouldnotbesurethatyouhad；andIwasgladtolearnthenamesofthoseimaginarychildren，too。Onecangetquiteafundofinformationoutofyouifonegoesatitcleverly。Maryandthestorm，andthesweepingawayoftheforwardboats，werefacts——alltherestwasfiction。
　　Marywasmysister；herfullnamewasMary。NOW
　　doyourememberme?"
　　"Yes，"Isaid，"Idorememberyounow；andyouareashard-headedasyouwerethirteenyearsagointhatship，elseyouwouldn'thavepunishedmeso。Youhaven'tchangeyournaturenoryourperson，inanywayatall；
　　youlookasyoungasyoudidthen，youarejustasbeautifulasyouwerethen，andyouhavetransmittedadealofyourcomelinesstothisfineboy。There——ifthatspeechmovesyouany，let'sflytheflagoftruce，withtheunderstandingthatIamconqueredandconfessit。"
　　Allofwhichwasagreedtoandaccomplished，onthespot。
　　WhenIwentbacktoHarris，Isaid:
　　"Nowyouseewhatapersonwithtalentandaddresscando。"
　　"Excuseme，Iseewhatapersonofcolossalignoranceandsimplicitycando。Theideaofyourgoingandintrudingonapartyofstrangers，thatway，andtalkingforhalfanhour；whyIneverheardofamaninhisrightminddoingsuchathingbefore。Whatdidyousaytothem?"
　　Ineversaidanyharm。Imerelyaskedthegirlwhathernamewas。"
　　"Idon'tdoubtit。UponmywordIdon't。Ithinkyouwerecapableofit。Itwasstupidinmetoletyougooverthereandmakesuchanexhibitionofyourself。
　　ButyouknowIcouldn'treallybelieveyouwoulddosuchaninexcusablething。Whatwillthosepeoplethinkofus?Buthowdidyousayit?——Imeanthemannerofit。
　　Ihopeyouwerenotabrupt。"
　　"No，Iwascarefulaboutthat。Isaid，'MyfriendandI
　　wouldliketoknowwhatyournameis，ifyoudon'tmind。'"
　　"No，thatwasnotabrupt。Thereisapolishaboutitthatdoesyouinfinitecredit。AndIamgladyouputmein；
　　thatwasadelicateattentionwhichIappreciateatitsfullvalue。Whatdidshedo?"
　　"Shedidn'tdoanythinginparticular。Shetoldmehername。"
　　"Simplytoldyouhername。Doyoumeantosayshedidnotshowanysurprise?"
　　"Well，nowIcometothink，shedidshowsomething；
　　maybeitwassurprise；Ihadn'tthoughtofthat——Itookitforgratification。"
　　"Oh，undoubtedlyyouwereright；itmusthavebeengratification；
　　itcouldnotbeotherwisethangratifyingtobeassaultedbyastrangerwithsuchaquestionasthat。Thenwhatdidyoudo?"
　　"Iofferedmyhandandthepartygavemeashake。"
　　"Isawit!Ididnotbelievemyowneyes，atthetime。
　　Didthegentlemansayanythingaboutcuttingyourthroat?"
　　"No，theyallseemedgladtoseeme，asfarasIcouldjudge。"
　　"Anddoyouknow，Ibelievetheywere。Ithinktheysaidtothemselves，'Doubtlessthiscuriosityhasgotawayfromhiskeeper——letusamuseourselveswithhim。'Thereisnootherwayofaccountingfortheirfaciledocility。
　　Yousatdown。DidtheyASKyoutositdown?"
　　"No，theydidnotaskme，butIsupposetheydidnotthinkofit。"
　　"Youhaveanunerringinstinct。Whatelsedidyoudo?
　　Whatdidyoutalkabout?"
　　"Well，Iaskedthegirlhowoldshewas。"
　　"UNdoubtedly。Yourdelicacyisbeyondpraise。Goon，goon——don'tmindmyapparentmisery——IalwayslooksowhenIamsteepedinaprofoundandreverentjoy。
　　Goon——shetoldyouherage?"
　　"Yes，shetoldmeherage，andallabouthermother，andhergrandmother，andherotherrelations，andallaboutherself。"
　　"Didshevolunteerthesestatistics?"
　　"No，notexactlythat。Iaskedthequestionsandsheansweredthem。"
　　"Thisisdivine。Goon——itisnotpossiblethatyouforgottoinquireintoherpolitics?"
　　"No，Ithoughtofthat。Sheisademocrat，herhusbandisarepublican，andbothofthemareBaptists。"
　　"Herhusband?Isthatchildmarried?"
　　"Sheisnotachild。Sheismarried，andthatisherhusbandwhoistherewithher。"
　　"Hassheanychildren。"
　　"Yes——sevenandahalf。"
　　"Thatisimpossible。"
　　"No，shehasthem。Shetoldmeherself。"
　　"Well，butsevenandaHALF?Howdoyoumakeoutthehalf?
　　Wheredoesthehalfcomein?"
　　"Thereisachildwhichshehadbyanotherhusband——
　　notthisonebutanotherone——soitisastepchild，andtheydonotcountinfullmeasure。"
　　"Anotherhusband?Hassheanotherhusband?"
　　"Yes，four。Thisoneisnumberfour。"
　　"Idon'tbelieveawordofit。Itisimpossible，uponitsface。Isthatboythereherbrother?"
　　"No，thatisherson。Heisheryoungest。Heisnotasoldashelooked；heisonlyelevenandahalf。"
　　"Thesethingsareallmanifestlyimpossible。Thisisawretchedbusiness。Itisaplaincase:theysimplytookyourmeasure，andconcludedtofillyouup。Theyseemtohavesucceeded。IamgladIamnotinthemess；
　　theymayatleastbecharitableenoughtothinkthereain'tapairofus。Aretheygoingtostayherelong?"
　　"No，theyleavebeforenoon。"
　　"Thereisonemanwhoisdeeplygratefulforthat。
　　Howdidyoufindout?Youasked，Isuppose?"
　　"No，alongatfirstIinquiredintotheirplans，inageneralway，andtheysaidtheyweregoingtobehereaweek，andmaketripsroundabout；buttowardtheendoftheinterview，whenIsaidyouandIwouldtouraroundwiththemwithpleasure，andofferedtobringyouoverandintroduceyou，theyhesitatedalittle，andaskedifyouwerefromthesameestablishmentthatIwas。
　　Isaidyouwere，andthentheysaidtheyhadchangedtheirmindandconsidereditnecessarytostartatonceandvisitasickrelativeinSiberia。"
　　"Ah，me，youstruckthesummit!Youstrucktheloftiestaltitudeofstupiditythathumanefforthaseverreached。
　　Youshallhaveamonumentofjackasses'skullsashighastheStrasburgspireifyoudiebeforeIdo。
　　TheywantedtoknowIwasfromthesame'establishment'
　　thatyouhailedfrom，didthey?Whatdidtheymeanby'establishment'?"
　　"Idon'tknow；itneveroccurredtometoask。"
　　"Well_I_know。theymeantanasylum——anIDIOTasylum，doyouunderstand?SotheyDOthinkthere'sapairofus，afterall。Nowwhatdoyouthinkofyourself?"
　　"Well，Idon'tknow。Ididn'tknowIwasdoinganyharm；
　　Ididn'tMEANtodoanyharm。Theywereverynicepeople，andtheyseemedtolikeme。"
　　Harrismadesomeruderemarksandleftforhisbedroom——
　　tobreaksomefurniture，hesaid。Hewasasingularlyirascibleman；anylittlethingwoulddisturbhistemper。
　　Ihadbeenwellscorchedbytheyoungwoman，butnomatter，ItookitoutonHarris。Oneshouldalways"geteven"
　　insomeway，elsethesoreplacewillgoonhurting。
　　CHAPTERXXVI
　　[TheNestoftheCuckoo-clock]
　　TheHofkircheiscelebratedforitsorganconcerts。
　　Allsummerlongthetouristsflocktothatchurchaboutsixo'clockintheevening，andpaytheirfranc，andlistentothenoise。Theydon'tstaytohearallofit，butgetupandtrampoutoverthesoundingstonefloor，meetinglatecomerswhotrampininasoundingandvigorousway。
　　Thistrampingbackandforthiskeptupnearlyallthetime，andisaccentedbythecontinuousslammingofthedoor，andthecoughingandbarkingandsneezingofthecrowd。
　　Meantime，thebigorganisboomingandcrashingandthunderingaway，doingitsbesttoprovethatitisthebiggestandbestorganinEurope，andthatatightlittleboxofachurchisthemostfavorableplacetoaverageandappreciateitspowersin。Itistrue，thereweresomesoftandmercifulpassagesoccasionally，butthetramp-trampofthetouristsonlyallowedonetogetfitfulglimpsesofthem，sotospeak。Thenrightawaytheorganistwouldletgoanotheravalanche。
　　ThecommerceofLucerneconsistsmainlyingimcrackeryofthesouvenirsort；theshopsarepackedwithAlpinecrystals，photographsofscenery，andwoodenandivorycarvings。
　　IwillnotconcealthefactthatminiaturefiguresoftheLionofLucernearetobehadinthem。Millionsofthem。
　　Buttheyarelibelsuponhim，everyoneofthem。
　　Thereisasubtlesomethingaboutthemajesticpathosoftheoriginalwhichthecopyistcannotget。Eventhesunfailstogetit；boththephotographerandthecarvergiveyouadyinglion，andthatisall。Theshapeisright，theattitudeisright，theproportionsareright，butthatindescribablesomethingwhichmakestheLionofLucernethemostmournfulandmovingpieceofstoneintheworld，iswanting。
　　TheLionliesinhislairintheperpendicularfaceofalowcliff——forheiscarvedfromthelivingrockofthecliff。
　　Hissizeiscolossal，hisattitudeisnoble。Howheadisbowed，thebrokenspearisstickinginhisshoulder，hisprotectingpawrestsupontheliliesofFrance。
　　Vineshangdownthecliffandwaveinthewind，andaclearstreamtricklesfromaboveandemptiesintoapondatthebase，andinthesmoothsurfaceofthepondthelionismirrored，amongthewater-lilies。
　　Aroundaboutaregreentreesandgrass。Theplaceisasheltered，reposefulwoodlandnook，remotefromnoiseandstirandconfusion——andallthisisfitting，forlionsdodieinsuchplaces，andnotongranitepedestalsinpublicsquaresfencedwithfancyironrailings。
　　TheLionofLucernewouldbeimpressiveanywhere，butnowheresoimpressiveaswhereheis。
　　Martyrdomistheluckiestfatethatcanbefallsomepeople。
　　LouisXVIdidnotdieinhisbed，consequentlyhistoryisverygentlewithhim；sheischaritabletowardhisfailings，andshefindsinhimhighvirtueswhicharenotusuallyconsideredtobevirtueswhentheyarelodgedinkings。
　　Shemakeshimouttobeapersonwithameekandmodestspirit，theheartofafemalesaint，andawronghead。
　　Noneofthesequalitiesarekinglybutthelast。
　　Takentogethertheymakeacharacterwhichwouldhavefaredharshlyatthehandsofhistoryifitsownerhadhadtheilllucktomissmartyrdom。Withthebestintentionstodotherightthing，healwaysmanagedtodothewrongone。
　　Moreover，nothingcouldgetthefemalesaintoutofhim。
　　Heknew，wellenough，thatinnationalemergencieshemustnotconsiderhowheoughttoact，asaman，buthowheoughttoactasaking；sohehonestlytriedtosinkthemanandbetheking——butitwasafailure，heonlysucceededinbeingthefemalesaint。Hewasnotinstantinseason，butoutofseason。Hecouldnotbepersuadedtodoathingwhileitcoulddoanygood——hewasiron，hewasadamantinhisstubbornnessthen——butassoonasthethinghadreachedapointwhereitwouldbepositivelyharmfultodoit，doithewould，andnothingcouldstophim。Hedidnotdoitbecauseitwouldbeharmful，butbecausehehopeditwasnotyettoolatetoachievebyitthegoodwhichitwouldhavedoneifappliedearlier。
　　Hiscomprehensionwasalwaysatrainortwobehindhand。
　　Ifanationaltoerequiredamputating，hecouldnotseethatitneededanythingmorethanpoulticing；whenotherssawthatthemortificationhadreachedtheknee，hefirstperceivedthatthetoeneededcuttingoff——sohecutitoff；
　　andheseveredthelegatthekneewhenotherssawthatthediseasehadreachedthethigh。Hewasgood，andhonest，andwellmeaning，inthematterofchasingnationaldiseases，buthenevercouldovertakeone。Asaprivateman，hewouldhavebeenlovable；butviewedasaking，hewasstrictlycontemptible。
　　Hiswasamostunroyalcareer，butthemostpitiablespectacleinitwashissentimentaltreacherytohisSwissguardonthatmemorable10thofAugust，whenheallowedthoseheroestobemassacredinhiscause，andforbadethemtoshedthe"sacredFrenchblood"
　　purportingtobeflowingintheveinsofthered-cappedmobofmiscreantsthatwasragingaroundthepalace。
　　Hemeanttobekingly，buthewasonlythefemalesaintoncemore。SomeofhisbiographersthinkthatuponthisoccasionthespiritofSaintLouishaddescendeduponhim。
　　Itmusthavefoundprettycrampedquarters。IfNapoleontheFirsthadstoodintheshoesofLouisXVIthatday，insteadofbeingmerelyacasualandunknownlooker-on，therewouldbenoLionofLucerne，now，buttherewouldbeawell-stockedCommunistgraveyardinPariswhichwouldanswerjustaswelltorememberthe10thofAugustby。
　　MartyrdommadeasaintofMaryQueenofScotsthreehundredyearsago，andshehashardlylostallofhersaintshipyet。MartyrdommadeasaintofthetrivialandfoolishMarieAntoinette，andherbiographersstillkeepherfragrantwiththeodorofsanctitytothisday，whileunconsciouslyprovinguponalmosteverypagetheywritethattheonlycalamitousinstinctwhichherhusbandlacked，shesupplied——theinstincttorootoutandgetridofanhonest，able，andloyalofficial，wherevershefoundhim。
　　ThehideousbutbeneficentFrenchRevolutionwouldhavebeendeferred，orwouldhavefallenshortofcompleteness，orevenmightnothavehappenedatall，ifMarieAntoinettehadmadetheunwisemistakeofnotbeingborn。
　　TheworldowesagreatdealtotheFrenchRevolution，andconsequentlytoitstwochiefpromoters，LouisthePoorinSpiritandhisqueen。
　　WedidnotbuyanywoodenimagesoftheLion，noranyivoryorebonyormarbleorchalkorsugarorchocolateones，orevenanyphotographicslandersofhim。Thetruthis，thesecopiesweresocommon，souniversal，intheshopsandeverywhere，thattheypresentlybecameasintolerabletotheweariedeyeasthelatestpopularmelodyusuallybecomestotheharassedear。InLucerne，too，thewoodcarvingsofothersorts，whichhadbeensopleasanttolookuponwhenonesawthemoccasionallyathome，soonbegantofatigueus。Wegrewverytiredofseeingwoodenquailsandchickenspickingandstrutingaroundclock-faces，andstillmoretiredofseeingwoodenimagesoftheallegedchamoisskippingaboutwoodenrocks，orlyingupontheminfamilygroups，orpeeringalertlyupfrombehindthem。
　　Thefirstday，IwouldhaveboughtahundredandfiftyoftheseclocksifIhadthemoney——andIdidbuythree——
　　butonthethirddaythediseasehadrunitscourse，Ihadconvalesced，andwasinthemarketoncemore——tryingtosell。However，Ihadnoluck；whichwasjustaswell，forthethingswillbeprettyenough，nodoubt，whenIgetthemhome。
　　Foryearsmypetaversionhadbeenthecuckooclock；
　　nowhereIwas，atlast，rightinthecreature'shome；
　　sowhereverIwentthatdistressing"HOO'hoo!HOO'hoo!
　　HOO'hoo!"wasalwaysinmyears。Foranervousman，thiswasafinestateofthings。Somesoundsarehatefulerthanothers，butnosoundisquitesoinane，andsilly，andaggravatingasthe"HOO'hoo"ofacuckooclock，Ithink。
　　Iboughtone，andamcarryingithometoacertainperson；
　　forIhavealwayssaidthatiftheopportunityeverhappened，Iwoulddothatmananillturn。WhatImeant，was，thatI
　　wouldbreakoneofhislegs，orsomethingofthatsort；
　　butinLucerneIinstantlysawthatIcouldimpairhismind。
　　Thatwouldbemorelasting，andmoresatisfactoryeveryway。
　　SoIboughtthecuckooclock；andifIevergethomewithit，heis"mymeat，"astheysayinthemines。
　　Ithoughtofanothercandidate——abook-reviewerwhomIcouldnameifIwantedto——butafterthinkingitover，Ididn'tbuyhimaclock。Icouldn'tinjurehismind。
　　Wevisitedthetwolong，coveredwoodenbridgeswhichspanthegreenandbrilliantReussjustbelowwhereitgoesplungingandhurrahingoutofthelake。Theserambling，sway-backedtunnelsareveryattractivethings，withtheiralcovedoutlooksuponthelovelyandinspiritingwater。
　　Theycontaintwoorthreehundredqueeroldpictures，byoldSwissmasters——oldbosssign-painters，whoflourishedbeforethedecadenceofart。
　　Thelakeisalivewithfishes，plainlyvisibletotheeye，forthewaterisveryclear。Theparapetsinfrontofthehotelswereusuallyfringedwithfishersofallages。
　　OnedayIthoughtIwouldstopandseeafishcaught。
　　Theresultbroughtbacktomymind，veryforcibly，acircumstancewhichIhadnotthoughtofbeforefortwelveyears。Thisone:
　　THEMANWHOPUTUPATGADSBY'S
　　WhenmyoddfriendRileyandIwerenewspapercorrespondentsinWashington，inthewinterof'67，wewerecomingdownPennsylvaniaAvenueonenight，nearmidnight，inadrivingstormofsnow，whentheflashofastreet-lampfelluponamanwhowaseagerlytearingalongintheoppositedirection。
　　Thisislucky!YouareMr。Riley，ain'tyou?"
　　Rileywasthemostself-possessedandsolemnlydeliberatepersonintherepublic。Hestopped，lookedhismanoverfromheadtofoot，andfinallysaid:
　　"IamMr。Riley。Didyouhappentobelookingforme?"
　　"That'sjustwhatIwasdoing，"saidtheman，joyously，"andit'sthebiggestluckintheworldthatI'vefoundyou。