MynameisLykins。I'moneoftheteachersofthehighschool——SanFrancisco。AssoonasIheardtheSanFranciscopostmastershipwasvacant，Imadeupmymindtogetit——andhereIam。"
"Yes，"saidRiley，slowly，"asyouhaveremarked……
Mr。Lykins……hereyouare。Andhaveyougotit?"
"Well，notexactlyGOTit，butthenextthingtoit。
I'vebroughtapetition，signedbytheSuperintendentofPublicInstruction，andalltheteachers，andbymorethantwohundredotherpeople。NowIwantyou，ifyou'llbesogood，togoaroundwithmetothePacificdelegation，forIwanttorushthisthingthroughandgetalonghome。"
"Ifthematterissopressing，youwillpreferthatwevisitthedelegationtonight，"saidRiley，inavoicewhichhadnothingmockinginit——toanunaccustomedear。
"Oh，tonight，byallmeans!Ihaven'tgotanytimetofoolaround。IwanttheirpromisebeforeIgotobed——
Iain'tthetalkingkind，I'mtheDOINGkind!"
"Yes……you'vecometotherightplaceforthat。
Whendidyouarrive?"
"Justanhourago。"
"Whenareyouintendingtoleave?"
"ForNewYorktomorrowevening——forSanFrancisconextmorning。"
"Justso……Whatareyougoingtodotomorrow?"
"DO!Why，I'vegottogotothePresidentwiththepetitionandthedelegation，andgettheappointment，haven'tI?"
"Yes……verytrue……thatiscorrect。Andthenwhat?"
"ExecutivesessionoftheSenateat2P。M——gottogettheappointmentconfirmed——Ireckonyou'llgrantthat?"
"Yes……yes，"saidRiley，meditatively，"youarerightagain。ThenyoutakethetrainforNewYorkintheevening，andthesteamerforSanFrancisconextmorning?"
"That'sit——that'sthewayImapitout!"
Rileyconsideredawhile，andthensaid:
"Youcouldn'tstay……aday……well，saytwodayslonger?"
"Blessyoursoul，no!It'snotmystyle。Iain'tamantogofoolingaround——I'mamanthatDOESthings，Itellyou。"
Thestormwasraging，thethicksnowblowingingusts。
Rileystoodsilent，apparentlydeepinareverie，duringaminuteormore，thenhelookedupandsaid:
"HaveyoueverheardaboutthatmanwhoputupatGadsby's，once?……ButIseeyouhaven't。"
HebackedMr。Lykinsagainstanironfence，buttonholedhim，fastenedhimwithhiseye，liketheAncientMariner，andproceededtounfoldhisnarrativeasplacidlyandpeacefullyasifwewereallstretchedcomfortablyinablossomysummermeadowinsteadofbeingpersecutedbyawintrymidnighttempest:
"Iwilltellyouaboutthatman。ItwasinJackson'stime。
Gadsby'swastheprincipalhotel，then。Well，thismanarrivedfromTennesseeaboutnineo'clock，onemorning，withablackcoachmanandasplendidfour-horsecarriageandanelegantdog，whichhewasevidentlyfondofandproudof；
hedroveupbeforeGadsby's，andtheclerkandthelandlordandeverybodyrushedouttotakechargeofhim，buthesaid，'Nevermind，'andjumpedoutandtoldthecoachmantowait——saidhehadn'ttimetotakeanythingtoeat，heonlyhadalittleclaimagainstthegovernmenttocollect，wouldrunacrosstheway，totheTreasury，andfetchthemoney，andthengetrightalongbacktoTennessee，forhewasinconsiderableofahurry。
"Well，abouteleveno'clockthatnighthecamebackandorderedabedandtoldthemtoputthehorsesup——saidhewouldcollecttheclaiminthemorning。
ThiswasinJanuary，youunderstand——January，1834——
the3dofJanuary——Wednesday。
"Well，onthe5thofFebruary，hesoldthefinecarriage，andboughtacheapsecond-handone——saiditwouldanswerjustaswelltotakethemoneyhomein，andhedidn'tcareforstyle。
"Onthe11thofAugusthesoldapairofthefinehorses——
saidhe'doftenthoughtapairwasbetterthanfour，togoovertheroughmountainroadswithwhereabodyhadtobecarefulabouthisdriving——andtherewasn'tsomuchofhisclaimbuthecouldlugthemoneyhomewithapaireasyenough。
"Onthe13thofDecemberhesoldanotherhorse——saidtwowarn'tnecessarytodragthatoldlightvehiclewith——infact，onecouldsnatchitalongfasterthanwasabsolutelynecessary，nowthatitwasgoodsolidwinterweatherandtheroadsinsplendidcondition。
"Onthe17thofFebruary，1835，hesoldtheoldcarriageandboughtacheapsecond-handbuggy——saidabuggywasjustthetricktoskimalongmushy，slushyearlyspringroadswith，andhehadalwayswantedtotryabuggyonthosemountainroads，anyway。
"Onthe1stAugusthesoldthebuggyandboughttheremainsofanoldsulky——saidhejustwantedtoseethosegreenTennesseansstareandgawkwhentheysawhimcomea-rippingalonginasulky——didn'tbelievethey'deverheardofasulkyintheirlives。
"Well，onthe29thofAugusthesoldhiscoloredcoachman——saidhedidn'tneedacoachmanforasulky——
wouldn'tberoomenoughfortwoinitanyway——and，besides，itwasn'teverydaythatProvidencesentamanafoolwhowaswillingtopayninehundreddollarsforsuchathird-ratenegroasthat——beenwantingtogetridofthecreatureforyears，butdidn'tliketoTHROWhimaway。
"Eighteenmonthslater——thatistosay，onthe15thofFebruary，1837——hesoldthesulkyandboughtasaddle——saidhorseback-ridingwaswhatthedoctorhadalwaysrecommendedHIMtotake，anddog'difhewantedtoriskHISneckgoingoverthosemountainroadsonwheelsinthedeadofwinter，notifheknewhimself。
"Onthe9thofAprilhesoldthesaddle——saidhewasn'tgoingtoriskHISlifewithanyperishablesaddle-girththateverwasmade，overarainy，miryAprilroad，whilehecouldridebarebackandknowandfeelhewassafe——alwaysHADdespisedtorideonasaddle，anyway。
"Onthe24thofAprilhesoldhishorse——said'I'mjustfifty-seventoday，haleandhearty——itwouldbeaPRETTY
howdy-doformetobewastingsuchatripasthatandsuchweatherasthis，onahorse，whenthereain'tanythingintheworldsosplendidasatramponfootthroughthefreshspringwoodsandoverthecheerymountains，toamanthatISaman——andIcanmakemydogcarrymyclaiminalittlebundle，anyway，whenit'scollected。
SotomorrowI'llbeupbrightandearly，makemylittleoldcollection，andmoseyofftoTennessee，onmyownhindlegs，witharousinggood-bytoGadsby's。'
"Onthe22dofJunehesoldhisdog——said'Dernadog，anyway，whereyou'rejuststartingoffonarattlingbullypleasuretrampthroughthesummerwoodsandhills——perfectnuisance——chasesthesquirrels，barksateverything，goesa-caperingandsplatteringaroundinthefords——
mancan'tgetanychancetoreflectandenjoynature——
andI'dablamedsightruthercarrytheclaimmyself，it'samightysightsafer；adog'smightyuncertaininafinancialway——alwaysnoticedit——well，GOOD-by，boys——lastcall——I'moffforTennesseewithagoodlegandagayheart，earlyinthemorning。'"
Therewasapauseandasilence——exceptthenoiseofthewindandthepeltingsnow。Mr。Lykinssaid，impatiently:
"Well?"
Rileysaid:
"Well，——thatwasthirtyyearsago。"
"Verywell，verywell——whatofit?"
"I'mgreatfriendswiththatoldpatriarch。Hecomeseveryeveningtotellmegood-by。Isawhimanhourago——
he'soffforTennesseeearlytomorrowmorning——asusual；
saidhecalculatedtogethisclaimthroughandbeoffbeforenight-owlslikemehaveturnedoutofbed。
Thetearswereinhiseyes，hewassogladhewasgoingtoseehisoldTennesseeandhisfriendsoncemore。"
Anothersilentpause。Thestrangerbrokeit:
"Isthatall?"
"Thatisall。"
"Well，fortheTIMEofnight，andtheKINDofnight，itseemstomethestorywasfulllongenough。Butwhat'sitallFOR?"
"Oh，nothinginparticular。"
"Well，where'sthepointofit?"
"Oh，thereisn'tanyparticularpointtoit。Only，ifyouarenotinTOOmuchofahurrytorushofftoSanFranciscowiththatpost-officeappointment，Mr。Lykins，I'dadviseyouto'PUTUPATGADSBY'S'foraspell，andtakeiteasy。
Good-by。GODblessyou!"
Sosaying，Rileyblandlyturnedonhisheelandlefttheastonishedschool-teacherstandingthere，amusingandmotionlesssnowimageshininginthebroadglowofthestreet-lamp。
Henevergotthatpost-office。
TogobacktoLucerneanditsfishers，Iconcluded，afteraboutninehours'waiting，thatthemanwhoproposestotarrytillheseessomethinghookoneofthosewell-fedandexperiencedfisheswillfinditwisdomto"putupatGadsby's"andtakeiteasy。Itislikelythatafishhasnotbeencaughtonthatlakepierforfortyyears；
butnomatter，thepatientfisherwatcheshiscorkthereallthedaylong，justthesame，andseemstoenjoyit。
Onemayseethefisher-loafersjustasthickandcontentedandhappyandpatientallalongtheSeineatParis，buttraditionsaysthattheonlythingevercaughtthereinmoderntimesisathingtheydon'tfishforatall——therecentdogandthetranslatedcat。
CHAPTERXXVII
[ISpareanAwfulBore]
ClosebytheLionofLucerneiswhattheycallthe"GlacierGarden"——anditistheonlyoneintheworld。
Itisonhighground。Fourorfiveyearsago，someworkmenwhowerediggingfoundationsforahousecameuponthisinterestingrelicofalong-departedage。
Scientificmenperceivedinitaconfirmationoftheirtheoriesconcerningtheglacialperiod；sothroughtheirpersuasionsthelittletractofgroundwasboughtandpermanentlyprotectedagainstbeingbuiltupon。
Thesoilwasremoved，andtherelaytheraspedandgutteredtrackwhichtheancientglacierhadmadeasitmovedalonguponitsslowandtediousjourney。Thistrackwasperforatedbyhugepot-shapedholesinthebed-rock，formedbythefuriouswashing-aroundinthemofbouldersbytheturbulenttorrentwhichflowsbeneathallglaciers。
Thesehugeroundbouldersstillremainintheholes；
theyandthewallsoftheholesarewornsmoothbythelong-continuedchafingwhichtheygaveeachotherinthoseolddays。Ittookamightyforcetochurnthesebiglumpsofstonearoundinthatvigorousway。
Theneighboringcountryhadaverydifferentshape，atthattime——thevalleyshaverisenupandbecomehills，since，andthehillshavebecomevalleys。Thebouldersdiscoveredinthepotshadtraveledagreatdistance，forthereisnorocklikethemnearerthanthedistantRhoneGlacier。
ForsomedayswewerecontenttoenjoylookingatthebluelakeLucerneandatthepiled-upmassesofsnow-mountainsthatborderitallaround——anenticingspectacle，thislast，forthereisastrangeandfascinatingbeautyandcharmaboutamajesticsnow-peakwiththesunblazinguponitorthemoonlightsoftlyenrichingit——butfinallyweconcludedtotryabitofexcursioningaroundonasteamboat，andadashonfootattheRigi。Verywell，wehadadelightfultriptoFluelen，onabreezy，sunnyday。
Everybodysatontheupperdeck，onbenches，underanawning；
everybodytalked，laughed，andexclaimedatthewonderscenery；
intruth，atriponthatlakeisalmosttheperfectionofpleasuring。Themountainswereanever-ceasingmarvel。
Sometimestheyrosestraightupoutofthelake，andtoweredaloftandovershadowedourpygmysteamerwiththeirprodigiousbulkinthemostimpressiveway。
Notsnow-cladmountains，these，yettheyclimbedhighenoughtowardtheskytomeetthecloudsandveiltheirforeheadsinthem。Theywerenotbarrenandrepulsive，butclothedingreen，andrestfulandpleasanttotheeye。
Andtheyweresoalmoststraight-up-and-down，sometimes，thatonecouldnotimagineamanbeingabletokeephisfootinguponsuchasurface，yettherearepaths，andtheSwisspeoplegoupanddownthemeveryday。
Sometimesoneofthesemonsterprecipiceshadtheslightinclinationofthehugeship-housesindockyards——
thenhighaloft，towardthesky，ittookalittlestrongerinclination，likethatofamansardroof——andperchedonthisdizzymansardone'seyedetectedlittlethingslikemartinboxes，andpresentlyperceivedthatthesewerethedwellingsofpeasants——anairyplaceforahome，truly。Andsupposeapeasantshouldwalkinhissleep，orhischildshouldfalloutofthefrontyard?——thefriendswouldhaveatediouslongjourneydownoutofthosecloud-heightsbeforetheyfoundtheremains。
Andyetthosefar-awayhomeslookedeversoseductive，theyweresoremotefromthetroubledworld，theydozedinsuchanatmosphereofpeaceanddreams——surelynoonewhohaslearnedtoliveuptherewouldeverwanttoliveonameanerlevel。
Wesweptthroughtheprettiestlittlecurvingarmsofthelake，amongthesecolossalgreenwalls，enjoyingnewdelights，always，asthestatelypanoramaunfoldeditselfbeforeusandrerolledandhiditselfbehindus；andnowandthenwehadthethrillingsurpriseofburstingsuddenlyuponatremendouswhitemasslikethedistantanddominatingJungfrau，orsomekindredgiant，loomingheadandshouldersaboveatumbledwasteoflesserAlps。
Once，whileIwashungrilytakinginoneofthesesurprises，anddoingmybesttogetallIpossiblycouldofitwhileitshouldlast，Iwasinterruptedbyayoungandcare-freevoice:
"You'reanAmerican，Ithink——so'mI。"
Hewasabouteighteen，orpossiblynineteen；slenderandofmediumheight；open，frank，happyface；arestlessbutindependenteye；asnubnose，whichhadtheairofdrawingbackwithadecentreservefromthesilkynew-bornmustachebelowituntilitshouldbeintroduced；
alooselyhungjaw，calculatedtoworkeasilyinthesockets。
Heworealow-crowned，narrow-brimmedstrawhat，withabroadblueribbonarounditwhichhadawhiteanchorembroideredonitinfront；nobbyshort-tailedcoat，pantaloons，vest，alltrimandneatandupwiththefashion；red-stripedstockings，verylow-quarterpatent-leathershoes，tiedwithblackribbon；blueribbonaroundhisneck，wide-opencollar；tinydiamondstuds；
wrinklelesskids；projectingcuffs，fastenedwithlargeoxidizedsilversleeve-buttons，bearingthedeviceofadog'sface——Englishpug。Hecarriesaslimcane，surmountedwithanEnglishpug'sheadwithredglasseyes。
UnderhisarmhecarriedaGermangrammar——Otto's。Hishairwasshort，straight，andsmooth，andpresentlywhenheturnedhisheadamoment，Isawthatitwasnicelypartedbehind。
Hetookacigaretteoutofadaintybox，stuckitintoameerschaumholderwhichhecarriedinamoroccocase，andreachedformycigar。Whilehewaslighting，Isaid:
"Yes——IamanAmerican。"
"Iknewit——Icanalwaystellthem。Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?"
"HOLSATIA。"
"WecameintheBATAVIA——Cunard，youknow。Whatkindofpassagedidyouhave?"
"Tolerablyrough。"
"Sodidwe。Captainsaidhe'dhardlyeverseenitrougher。
Whereareyoufrom?"
"NewEngland。"
"So'mI。I'mfromNewBloomfield。Anybodywithyou?"
"Yes——afriend。"
"Ourwholefamily'salong。It'sawfulslow，goingaroundalone——don'tyouthinkso?"
"Ratherslow。"
"Everbeenoverherebefore?"
"Yes。"
"Ihaven't。Myfirsttrip。Butwe'vebeenallaround——Parisandeverywhere。I'mtoenterHarvardnextyear。
StudyingGermanallthetime，now。Can'tentertillI
knowGerman。IknowconsiderableFrench——IgetalongprettywellinParis，oranywherewheretheyspeakFrench。
Whathotelareyoustoppingat?"
"Schweitzerhof。"
"No!isthatso?Ineverseeyouinthereception-room。
Igotothereception-roomagooddealofthetime，becausethere'ssomanyAmericansthere。Imakelotsofacquaintances。IknowanAmericanassoonasIseehim——andsoIspeaktohimandmakehisacquaintance。
Iliketobealwaysmakingacquaintances——don'tyou?"
"Lord，yes!"
"Youseeitbreaksupatriplikethis，firstrate。
Inevergotboredonatriplikethis，ifIcanmakeacquaintancesandhavesomebodytotalkto。
ButIthinkatriplikethiswouldbeanawfulbore，ifabodycouldn'tfindanybodytogetacquaintedwithandtalktoonatriplikethis。I'mfondoftalking，ain'tyou?
"Passionately。"
"Haveyoufeltbored，onthistrip?"
"Notallthetime，partofit。"
"That'sit!——youseeyououghttogoaroundandgetacquainted，andtalk。That'smyway。That'sthewayIalwaysdo——I
justgo'round，'round，'roundandtalk，talk，talk——I
nevergetbored。YoubeenuptheRigiyet?"
"No。"
"Going?"
"Ithinkso。"
"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?"
"Idon'tknow。Istheremorethanone?"
"Three。YoustopattheSchreiber——you'llfinditfullofAmericans。Whatshipdidyousayyoucameoverin?"
"CITYOFANTWERP。"
"German，Iguess。YougoingtoGeneva?"
"Yes。"
"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?"
"Hoteldel''EcudeG'en`eve。"
"Don'tyoudoit!NoAmericansthere!Youstopatoneofthosebighotelsoverthebridge——they'repackedfullofAmericans。"
"ButIwanttopracticemyArabic。"
"Goodgracious，doyouspeakArabic?"
"Yes——wellenoughtogetalong。"
"Why，hangit，youwon'tgetalonginGeneva——THEYdon'tspeakArabic，theyspeakFrench。Whathotelareyoustoppingathere?"
"HotelPension-Beaurivage。"
"Sho，yououghttostopattheSchweitzerhof。Didn'tyouknowtheSchweitzerhofwasthebesthotelinSwitzerland?——
lookatyourBaedeker。"
"Yes，Iknow——butIhadanideatherewarn'tanyAmericansthere。"
"NoAmericans!Why，blessyoursoul，it'sjustalivewiththem!I'minthegreatreception-roommostallthetime。
Imakelotsofacquaintancesthere。NotasmanyasIdidatfirst，becausenowonlythenewonesstopinthere——
theothersgorightalongthrough。Whereareyoufrom?"
"Arkansaw。"
"Isthatso?I'mfromNewEngland——NewBloomfield'smytownwhenI'mathome。I'mhavingamightygoodtimetoday，ain'tyou?"
"Divine。"
"That'swhatIcallit。Ilikethisknockingaround，looseandeasy，andmakingacquaintancesandtalking。
IknowanAmerican，soonasIseehim；soIgoandspeaktohimandmakehisacquaintance。Iain'teverbored，onatriplikethis，ifIcanmakenewacquaintancesandtalk。
I'mawfulfondoftalkingwhenIcangetholdoftherightkindofaperson，ain'tyou?"
"Ipreferittoanyotherdissipation。"
"That'smynotion，too。Nowsomepeopleliketotakeabookandsitdownandread，andread，andread，ormoonaroundyawpingatthelakeorthesemountainsandthings，butthatain'tmyway；no，sir，iftheylikeit，let'emdoit，Idon'tobject；butasforme，talking'swhat_I_like。
YoubeenuptheRigi?"
"Yes。"
"Whathoteldidyoustopat?"
"Schreiber。"
"That'stheplace!——Istoppedtheretoo。FULLofAmericans，WASN'Tit?Italwaysis——alwaysis。That'swhattheysay。
Everybodysaysthat。Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?"
"VILLEDEPARIS。"
"French，Ireckon。Whatkindofapassagedid……excusemeaminute，there'ssomeAmericansIhaven'tseenbefore。"
Andawayhewent。Hewentuninjured，too——Ihadthemurderousimpulsetoharpoonhiminthebackwithmyalpenstock，butasIraisedtheweaponthedispositionleftme；
IfoundIhadn'tthehearttokillhim，hewassuchajoyous，innocent，good-naturednumbskull。
HalfanhourlaterIwassittingonabenchinspecting，withstronginterest，anoblemonolithwhichwewereskimmingby——amonolithnotshapedbyman，butbyNature'sfreegreathand——amassypyramidalrockeightyfeethigh，devisedbyNaturetenmillionyearsagoagainstthedaywhenamanworthyofitshouldneeditforhismonument。
Thetimecameatlast，andnowthisgrandremembrancerbearsSchiller'snameinhugelettersuponitsface。
Curiouslyenough，thisrockwasnotdegradedordefiledinanyway。Itissaidthattwoyearsagoastrangerlethimselfdownfromthetopofitwithropesandpulleys，andpaintedalloverit，inbluelettersbiggerthanthoseinSchiller'sname，thesewords:
"TrySozodont；""BuySunStovePolish；""Helmbold'sBuchu；"
"TryBenzalinefortheBlood。"
HewascapturedanditturnedoutthathewasanAmerican。
Uponhistrialthejudgesaidtohim:
"YouarefromalandwhereanyinsolentthatwantstoisprivilegedtoprofaneandinsultNature，and，throughher，Nature'sGod，ifbysodoinghecanputasordidpennyinhispocket。Butherethecaseisdifferent。Becauseyouareaforeignerandignorant，Iwillmakeyoursentencelight；
ifyouwereanativeIwoulddealstrenuouslywithyou。
Hearandobey:——YouwillimmediatelyremoveeverytraceofyouroffensiveworkfromtheSchillermonument；youpayafineoftenthousandfrancs；youwillsuffertwoyears'
imprisonmentathardlabor；youwillthenbehorsewhipped，tarredandfeathered，deprivedofyourears，riddenonarailtotheconfinesofthecanton，andbanishedforever。
Theseverestpenaltiesareomittedinyourcase——notasagracetoyou，buttothatgreatrepublicwhichhadthemisfortunetogiveyoubirth。"
Thesteamer'sbencheswererangedbacktobackacrossthedeck。Mybackhairwasminglinginnocentlywiththebackhairofacoupleofladies。PresentlytheywereaddressedbysomeoneandIoverheardthisconversation:
"YouareAmericans，Ithink?So'mI。"
"Yes——weareAmericans。"
"Iknewit——Icanalwaystellthem。Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?"
"CITYOFCHESTER。"
"Oh，yes——Inmanline。WecameintheBATAVIA——Cunardyouknow。Whatkindofapassagedidyouhave?"
"Prettyfair。"
"Thatwasluck。Wehaditawfulrough。Captainsaidhe'dhardlyseenitrougher。Whereareyoufrom?"
"NewJersey。"
"So'mI。No——Ididn'tmeanthat；I'mfromNewEngland。
NewBloomfield'smyplace。Theseyourchildren?——belongtobothofyou?"
"Onlytooneofus；theyaremine；myfriendisnotmarried。"
"Single，Ireckon?So'mI。Areyoutwoladiestravelingalone?"
"No——myhusbandiswithus。"
"Ourwholefamily'salong。It'sawfulslow，goingaroundalone——don'tyouthinkso?"
"Isupposeitmustbe。"
"Hi，there'sMountPilatuscominginsightagain。
NamedafterPontiusPilate，youknow，thatshottheappleoffofWilliamTell'shead。Guide-booktellsallaboutit，theysay。Ididn'treadit——anAmericantoldme。Idon'treadwhenI'mknockingaroundlikethis，havingagoodtime。
DidyoueverseethechapelwhereWilliamTellusedtopreach?"
"Ididnotknowheeverpreachedthere。"
"Oh，yes，hedid。ThatAmericantoldmeso。Hedon'tevershutuphisguide-book。Heknowsmoreaboutthislakethanthefishesinit。Besides，theyCALLit'Tell'sChapel'——youknowthatyourself。Youeverbeenoverherebefore?"
"Yes。"
"Ihaven't。It'smyfirsttrip。Butwe'vebeenallaround——Parisandeverywhere。I'mtoenterHarvardnextyear。
StudyingGermanallthetimenow。Can'tentertillI
knowGerman。Thisbook'sOtto'sgrammar。It'samightygoodbooktogettheICHHABEGEHABTHABEN'soutof。
ButIdon'treallystudywhenI'mknockingaroundthisway。
Ifthenotiontakesme，IjustrunovermylittleoldICHHAVEGEHABT，DUHASTGEHABT，ERHATGEHABT，WIRHABENGEHABT，IHRHABENGEHABT，SIEHABENGEHABT——
kindof'Now-I-lay-me-down-to-sleep'fashion，youknow，andafterthat，maybeIdon'tbuckletoitforthreedays。
It'sawfulunderminingtotheintellect，Germanis；
youwanttotakeitinsmalldoses，orfirstyouknowyourbrainsallruntogether，andyoufeelthemsloshingaroundinyourheadsameassomuchdrawnbutter。
ButFrenchisdifferent；FRENCHain'tanything。Iain'tanymoreafraidofFrenchthanatramp'safraidofpie；IcanrattleoffmylittleJ'AI，TUAS，ILA，andtherestofit，justaseasyasa-b-c。IgetalongprettywellinParis，oranywherewheretheyspeakFrench。Whathotelareyoustoppingat?"
"TheSchweitzerhof。"
"No!isthatso?Ineverseeyouinthebigreception-room。
Igointhereagooddealofthetime，becausethere'ssomanyAmericansthere。Imakelotsofacquaintances。
YoubeenuptheRigiyet?"
"No。"
"Going?"
"Wethinkofit。"
"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?"
"Idon'tknow。"
"Well，thenyoustopattheSchreiber——it'sfullofAmericans。
Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?"
"CITYOFCHESTER。"
"Oh，yes，IrememberIaskedyouthatbefore。ButI
alwaysaskeverybodywhatshiptheycameoverin，andsosometimesIforgetandaskagain。YougoingtoGeneva?"
"Yes。"
"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?"
"Weexpecttostopinapension。"
"Idon'thardlybelieveyou'lllikethat；there'sveryfewAmericansinthepensions。Whathotelareyoustoppingathere?"
"TheSchweitzerhof。"
"Oh，yes。Iaskedyouthatbefore，too。ButIalwaysaskeverybodywhathotelthey'restoppingat，andsoI'vegotmyheadallmixedupwithhotels。Butitmakestalk，andIlovetotalk。Itrefreshesmeupso——don'tityou——onatriplikethis?"
"Yes——sometimes。"
"Well，itdoesme，too。AslongasI'mtalkingIneverfeelbored——ain'tthatthewaywithyou?"
"Yes——generally。Butthereareexceptiontotherule。"
"Oh，ofcourse。_I_don'tcaretotalktoeverybody，MYSELF。
Ifapersonstartsintojabber-jabber-jabberaboutscenery，andhistory，andpictures，andallsortsoftiresomethings，Igetthefan-todsmightysoon。Isay'Well，Imustbegoingnow——hopeI'llseeyouagain'——andthenItakeawalk。Whereyoufrom?"
"NewJersey。"
"Why，botheritall，IaskedyouTHATbefore，too。
HaveyouseentheLionofLucerne?"
"Notyet。"
"NorI，either。ButthemanwhotoldmeaboutMountPilatussaysit'soneofthethingstosee。
It'stwenty-eightfeetlong。Itdon'tseemreasonable，buthesaidso，anyway。Hesawityesterday；saiditwasdying，then，soIreckonit'sdeadbythistime。
Butthatain'tanymatter，ofcoursethey'llstuffit。
Didyousaythechildrenareyours——orHERS?"
"Mine。"
"Oh，soyoudid。Areyougoingupthe……no，Iaskedyouthat。Whatship……no，Iaskedyouthat，too。
Whathotelareyou……no，youtoldmethat。
Letmesee……um……Oh，whatkindofvoy……no，we'vebeenoverthatground，too。Um……um……well，Ibelievethatisall。BONJOUR——Iamverygladtohavemadeyouracquaintance，ladies。GUTENTAG。"
CHAPTERXXVIII
[TheJodelandItsNativeWilds]
TheRigi-KulmisanimposingAlpinemass，sixthousandfeethigh，whichstandsbyitself，andcommandsamightyprospectofbluelakes，greenvalleys，andsnowymountains——
acompactandmagnificentpicturethreehundredmilesincircumference。Theascentismadebyrail，orhorseback，oronfoot，asonemayprefer。Iandmyagentpanopliedourselvesinwalking-costume，onebrightmorning，andstarteddownthelakeonthesteamboat；wegotashoreatthevillageofWa"ggis；three-quartersofanhourdistantfromLucerne。Thisvillageisatthefootofthemountain。
Weweresoontrampingleisurelyuptheleafymule-path，andthenthetalkbegantoflow，asusual。Itwastwelveo'clocknoon，andabreezy，cloudlessday；
theascentwasgradual，andtheglimpses，fromunderthecurtainingboughs，ofbluewater，andtinysailboats，andbeetlingcliffs，wereascharmingasglimpsesofdreamland。
Allthecircumstanceswereperfect——andtheanticipations，too，forweshouldsoonbeenjoying，forthefirsttime，thatwonderfulspectacle，anAlpinesunrise——theobjectofourjourney。Therewasapparentlynorealneedforhurry，fortheguide-bookmadethewalking-distancefromWa"ggistothesummitonlythreehoursandaquarter。
Isay"apparently，"becausetheguide-bookhadalreadyfooledusonce——aboutthedistancefromAllerheiligentoOppenau——andforaughtIknewitmightbegettingreadytofoolusagain。Wewereonlycertainastothealtitudes——
wecalculatedtofindoutforourselveshowmanyhoursitisfromthebottomtothetop。Thesummitissixthousandfeetabovethesea，butonlyforty-fivehundredfeetabovethelake。Whenwehadwalkedhalfanhour，wewerefairlyintotheswingandhumoroftheundertaking，soweclearedforaction；thatistosay，wegotaboywhomwemettocarryouralpenstocksandsatchelsandovercoatsandthingsforus；thatleftusfreeforbusiness。
Isupposewemusthavestoppedoftenertostretchoutonthegrassintheshadeandtakeabitofasmokethanthisboywasusedto，forpresentlyheaskedifithadbeenourideatohirehimbythejob，orbytheyear?
Wetoldhimhecouldmovealongifhewasinahurry。
Hesaidhewasn'tinsuchaveryparticularhurry，buthewantedtogettothetopwhilehewasyoung。
Wetoldhimtoclearout，then，andleavethethingsattheuppermosthotelandsayweshouldbealongpresently。
Hesaidhewouldsecureusahotelifhecould，butiftheywereallfullhewouldaskthemtobuildanotheroneandhurryupandgetthepaintandplasterdryagainstwearrived。Stillgentlychaffingus，hepushedahead，upthetrail，andsoondisappeared。Bysixo'clockwewereprettyhighupintheair，andtheviewoflakeandmountainshadgreatlygrowninbreadthandinterest。
Wehaltedawhileatalittlepublichouse，wherewehadbreadandcheeseandaquartortwooffreshmilk，outontheporch，withthebigpanoramaallbeforeus——andthenmovedonagain。
Tenminutesafterwardwemetahot，red-facedmanplungingdownthemountain，makingmightystrides，swinginghisalpenstockaheadofhim，andtakingagriponthegroundwithitsironpointtosupportthesebigstrides。
Hestopped，fannedhimselfwithhishat，swabbedtheperspirationfromhisfaceandneckwitharedhandkerchief，pantedamomentortwo，andaskedhowfartoWa"ggis。
Isaidthreehours。Helookedsurprised，andsaid:
"Why，itseemsasifIcouldtossabiscuitintothelakefromhere，it'ssocloseby。Isthataninn，there?"
Isaiditwas。
"Well，"saidhe，"Ican'tstandanotherthreehours，I'vehadenoughtoday；I'lltakeabedthere。"
Iasked:
"Arewenearlytothetop?"
"NearlytotheTOP?"Why，blessyoursoul，youhaven'treallystarted，yet。"
Isaidwewouldputupattheinn，too。Soweturnedbackandorderedahotsupper，andhadquiteajollyeveningofitwiththisEnglishman。
TheGermanlandladygaveusneatroomsandnicebeds，andwhenIandmyagentturnedin，itwaswiththeresolutiontobeupearlyandmaketheutmostofourfirstAlpinesunrise。
Butofcourseweweredeadtired，andsleptlikepolicemen；
sowhenweawokeinthemorningandrantothewindowitwasalreadytoolate，becauseitwashalfpasteleven。
Itwasasharpdisappointment。However，weorderedbreakfastandtoldthelandladytocalltheEnglishman，butshesaidhewasalreadyupandoffatdaybreak——andswearinglikemadaboutsomethingorother。Wecouldnotfindoutwhatthematterwas。Hehadaskedthelandladythealtitudeofherplaceabovethelevelofthelake，andshetoldhimfourteenhundredandninety-fivefeet。
Thatwasallthatwassaid；thenhelosthistemper。
Hesaidthatbetween——foolsandguide-books，amancouldacquireignoranceenoughintwenty-fourhoursinacountrylikethistolasthimayear。Harrisbelievedourboyhadbeenloadinghimupwithmisinformation；
andthiswasprobablythecase，forhisepithetdescribedthatboytoadot。
Wegotunderwayabouttheturnofnoon，andpulledoutforthesummitagain，withafreshandvigorousstep。