[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter30[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXXHOWTHEPICKWICKIANSMADEANDCULTIVATEDTHEACQUAINTANCE
　　OFACOUPLEOFNICEYOUNGMENBELONGINGTOONEOFTHELIBERALPROFESSIONS。
　　HOWTHEYDISPORTEDTHEMSELVESONTHEICE。ANDHOWTHEIRFIRSTVISITCAME
　　TOACONCLUSION
　　WELL，Sam，saidMr。Pickwickasthatfavouredservitorenteredhisbed-chamberwithhiswarmwater，onthemorningofChristmasDay，Stillfrosty？
　　Waterinthewash-handbasin’samasko’ice，sir，respondedSam。
　　Severeweather，Sam，observedMr。Pickwick。
　　Finetimeforthemasiswellwroppedup，asthePolarBearsaidtohimself，venhewaspractisinghisskating，repliedMr。Weller。
　　Ishallbedowninaquarterofanhour，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，untyinghisnightcap。
　　Werygood，sir，repliedSam。There’sacoupleo’Sawbonesdown-stairs。
　　Acoupleofwhat！exclaimedMr。Pickwick，sittingupinbed。
　　Acoupleo’Sawbones，saidSam。
　　What’saSawbones？inquiredMr。Pickwick，notquitecertainwhetheritwasaliveanimal，orsomethingtoeat。
　　What！Don’tyouknowwhataSawbonesis，sir？inquiredMr。Weller。
　　Ithoughteverybodyknow’dasaSawboneswasaSurgeon。
　　Oh，aSurgeon，eh？saidMr。Pickwick，withasmile。
　　Justthat，sir，repliedSam。Thesehereonesasisbelow，though，ain’treg’larthorough-bredSawbones。they’reonlyintrainin’。
　　Inotherwordsthey’reMedicalStudents，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick。
　　SamWellernoddedassent。
　　Iamgladofit，saidMr。Pickwick，castinghisnightcapenergeticallyonthecounterpane，Theyarefinefellows。veryfinefellows。withjudgmentsmaturedbyobservationandreflection。tastesrefinedbyreadingandstudy。
　　Iamverygladofit。
　　They’reasmokin’cigarsbythekitchenfire，saidSam。
　　Ah！observedMr。Pickwick，rubbinghishands，over-flowingwithkindlyfeelingsandanimalspirits。JustwhatIliketosee。
　　Andoneon’em，saidSam，notnoticinghismaster’sinterruption，oneon’em’sgothislegsonthetable，andisadrinkin’brandyneat，vilethet’otherone——himinthebarnacles——hasgotabarrelo’oystersatweenhisknees，wichhe’saopenin’likesteam，andasfastasheeats’em，hetakesaaimviththeshellsatyoungdropsy，who’sasittin’downfastasleep，inthechimbleycorner。
　　Eccentricitiesofgenius，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。Youmayretire。
　　Samdidretireaccordingly。Mr。Pickwick，attheexpirationofthequarterofanhour，wentdowntobreakfast。
　　Hereheisatlast！saidoldMr。Wardle。Pickwick，thisisMissAllen’sbrother，Mr。BenjaminAllen。Benwecallhim，andsomayyouifyoulike。
　　Thisgentlemanishisveryparticularfriend，Mr——
　　Mr。BobSawyer，interposedMr。BenjaminAllen。whereuponMr。BobSawyerandMr。BenjaminAllenlaughedinconcert。
　　Mr。PickwickbowedtoBobSawyer，andBobSawyerbowedtoMr。Pickwick。
　　Bobandhisveryparticularfriendthenappliedthemselvesmostassiduouslytotheeatablesbeforethem。andMr。Pickwickhadanopportunityofglancingatthemboth。
　　Mr。BenjaminAllenwasacoarse，stout，thick-setyoungman，withblackhaircutrathershort，andawhitefacecutratherlong。Hewasembellishedwithspectacles，andworeawhiteneckerchief。Belowhissingle-breastedblacksurtout，whichwasbuttoneduptohischin，appearedtheusualnumberofpepper-and-saltcolouredlegs，terminatinginapairofimperfectlypolishedboots。Althoughhiscoatwasshortinthesleeves，itdisclosednovestigeofalinenwrist-band。andalthoughtherewasquiteenoughofhisfacetoadmitoftheencroachmentofashirtcollar，itwasnotgracedbythesmallestapproachtothatappendage。Hepresented，altogether，ratheramildewyappearance，andemittedafragrantodouroffull-flavouredCubas。
　　Mr。BobSawyer，whowashabitedinacoarsebluecoat，which，withoutbeingeitheragreat-coatorasurtout，partookofthenatureandqualitiesofboth，hadabouthimthatsortofslovenlysmartness，andswaggeringgait，whichispeculiartoyounggentlemenwhosmokeinthestreetsbyday，shoutandscreaminthesamebynight，callwaitersbytheirChristiannames，anddovariousotheractsanddeedsofanequallyfacetiousdescription。
　　Heworeapairofplaidtrousers，andalargeroughdouble-breastedwaistcoat。
　　outofdoors，hecarriedathickstickwithabigtop。Heeschewedgloves，andlooked，uponthewhole，somethinglikeadissipatedRobinsonCrusoe。
　　SuchwerethetwoworthiestowhomMr。Pickwickwasintroduced，ashetookhisseatatthebreakfasttableonChristmasmorning。
　　Splendidmorning，gentlemen，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Mr。BobSawyerslightlynoddedhisassenttotheproposition，andaskedMr。BenjaminAllenforthemustard。
　　Haveyoucomefarthismorning，gentlemen？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
　　BlueLionatMuggleton，brieflyrespondedMr。Allen。
　　Youshouldhavejoineduslastnight，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Soweshould，repliedBobSawyer，butthebrandywastoogoodtoleaveinahurry：wasn’tit，Ben？
　　Certainly，saidMr。BenjaminAllen。andthecigarswerenotbad，ortheporkchopseither：werethey，Bob？
　　Decidedlynot，saidBob。Theparticularfriendsresumedtheirattackuponthebreakfast，morefreelythanbefore，asiftherecollectionoflastnight’ssupperhadimpartedanewrelishtothemeal。
　　Pegaway，Bob，saidMr。Allentohiscompanion，encouragingly。
　　SoIdo，repliedBobSawyer。Andso，todohimjustice，hedid。
　　Nothinglikedissecting，togiveoneanappetite，saidMr。BobSawyer，lookingroundthetable。
　　Mr。Pickwickslightlyshuddered。
　　Bythebye，Bob，saidMr。Allen，haveyoufinishedthatlegyet？
　　Nearly，repliedSawyer，helpinghimselftohalfafowlashespoke。
　　It’saverymuscularoneforachild’s。
　　Isit？inquiredMr。Allen，carelessly。
　　Very，saidBobSawyer，withhismouthfull。
　　I’veputmynamedownforanarm，atourplace，saidMr。Allen。We’reclubbingforasubject，andthelistisnearlyfull，onlywecan’tgetholdofanyfellowthatwantsahead。Iwishyou’dtakeit。
　　No，repliedBobSawyer。can’taffordexpensiveluxuries。
　　Nonsense！saidAllen。
　　Can’tindeed，rejoinedBobSawyer。Iwouldn’tmindabrain，butI
　　couldn’tstandawholehead。
　　Hush，hush，gentlemen，pray，saidMr。Pickwick，Iheartheladies。
　　AsMr。Pickwickspoke，theladies，gallantlyescortedbyMessrs。Snodgrass，Winkle，andTupman，returnedfromanearlywalk。
　　Why，Ben！saidArabella，inatonewhichexpressedmoresurprisethanpleasureatthesightofherbrother。
　　Cometotakeyouhometo-morrow，repliedBenjamin。
　　Mr。Winkleturnedpale。
　　Don’tyouseeBobSawyer，Arabella？inquiredMr。BenjaminAllen，somewhatreproachfully。Arabellagracefullyheldoutherhand，inacknowledgmentofBobSawyer’spresence。AthrillofhatredstrucktoMr。Winkle’sheart，asBobSawyerinflictedontheprofferedhandaperceptiblesqueeze。
　　Ben，dear！saidArabella，blushing。have——have——youbeenintroducedtoMr。Winkle？
　　Ihavenotbeen，butIshallbeveryhappytobe，Arabella，repliedherbrothergravely。HereMr。AllenbowedgrimlytoMr。Winkle，whileMr。
　　WinkleandMr。BobSawyerglancedmutualdistrustoutofthecornersoftheireyes。
　　Thearrivalofthetwonewvisitors，andtheconsequentcheckuponMr。
　　Winkleandtheyoungladywiththefurroundherboots，wouldinallprobabilityhaveprovedaveryunpleasantinterruptiontothehilarityoftheparty，hadnotthecheerfulnessofMr。Pickwick，andthegoodhumourofthehost，beenexertedtotheveryutmostforthecommonweal。Mr。WinklegraduallyinsinuatedhimselfintothegoodgracesofMr。BenjaminAllen，andevenjoinedinafriendlyconversationwithMr。BobSawyer。who，enlivenedwiththebrandy，andthebreakfast，andthetalking，graduallyripenedintoastateofextremefacetiousness，andrelatedwithmuchgleeanagreeableanecdote，abouttheremovalofatumouronsomegentleman’shead：whichheillustratedbymeansofanoyster-knifeandahalf-quarternloaf，tothegreatedificationoftheassembledcompany。Then，thewholetrainwenttochurch，whereMr。BenjaminAllenfellfastasleep：whileMr。BobSawyerabstractedhisthoughtsfromworldlymatters，bytheingeniousprocessofcarvinghisnameontheseatofthepew，incorpulentlettersoffourincheslong。
　　Now，saidWardle，afterasubstantiallunch，withtheagreeableitemsofstrongbeerandcherry-brandy，hadbeendoneamplejusticeto。whatsayyoutoanhourontheice？Weshallhaveplentyoftime。
　　Capital！saidMr。BenjaminAllen。
　　Prime！ejaculatedMr。BobSawyer。
　　Youskate，ofcourse，Winkle？saidWardle。
　　Ye-yes。oh，yes，repliedMr。Winkle。I——I——amratheroutofpractice。
　　Oh，doskate，Mr。Winkle，saidArabella。Iliketoseeitsomuch。
　　Oh，itissograceful，saidanotheryounglady。
　　Athirdyoungladysaiditwaselegant，andafourthexpressedheropinionthatitwasswan-like。
　　Ishouldbeveryhappy，I’msure，saidMr。Winkle，reddening。butIhavenoskates。
　　Thisobjectionwasatonceoverruled。Trundlehadacoupleofpair，andthefatboyannouncedthattherewerehalf-a-dozenmoredown-stairs：
　　whereatMr。Winkleexpressedexquisitedelight，andlookedexquisitelyuncomfortable。
　　OldWardleledthewaytoaprettylargesheetofice。andthefatboyandMr。Weller，havingshovelledandsweptawaythesnowwhichhadfallenonitduringthenight，Mr。BobSawyeradjustedhisskateswithadexteritywhichtoMr。Winklewasperfectlymarvellous，anddescribedcircleswithhisleftleg，andcutfiguresofeight，andinscribedupontheice，withoutoncestoppingforbreath，agreatmanyotherpleasantandastonishingdevices，totheexcessivesatisfactionofMr。Pickwick，Mr。Tupman，andtheladies：
　　whichreachedapitchofpositiveenthusiasm，whenoldWardleandBenjaminAllen，assistedbytheaforesaidBobSawyer，performedsomemysticevolutions，whichtheycalledareel。
　　Allthistime，Mr。Winkle，withhisfaceandhandsbluewiththecold，hadbeenforcingagimletintothesolesofhisfeet，andputtinghisskateson，withthepointsbehind，andgettingthestrapsintoaverycomplicatedandentangledstate，withtheassistanceofMr。Snodgrass，whoknewratherlessaboutskatesthanaHindoo。Atlength，however，withtheassistanceofMr。Weller，theunfortunateskateswerefirmlyscrewedandbuckledon，andMr。Winklewasraisedtohisfeet。
　　Now，then，sir，saidSam，inanencouragingtone。offvithyou，andshow’emhowtodoit。
　　Stop，Sam，stop！saidMr。Winkle，tremblingviolently，andclutchingholdofSam’sarmswiththegraspofadrowningman。Howslipperyitis，Sam！
　　Notanuncommonthinguponice，sir，repliedMr。Weller。Holdup，sir！
　　ThislastobservationofMr。Weller’sborereferencetoademonstrationMr。Winklemadeattheinstant，ofafranticdesiretothrowhisfeetintheair，anddashthebackofhisheadontheice。
　　These——these——areveryawkwardskates。ain’tthey，Sam？inquiredMr。
　　Winkle，staggering。
　　I’mafeerdthere’saorkardgen’l’m’nin’em，sir，repliedSam。
　　Now，Winkle，criedMr。Pickwick，quiteunconsciousthattherewasanythingthematter。Come。theladiesareallanxiety。
　　Yes，yes，repliedMr。Winkle，withaghastlysmile。I’mcoming。
　　Justagoin’tobegin，saidSam，endeavouringtodisengagehimself。
　　Now，sir，startoff！
　　Stopaninstant，Sam，gaspedMr。Winkle，clingingmostaffectionatelytoMr。Weller。IfindI’vegotacoupleofcoatsathomethatIdon’twant，Sam。Youmayhavethem，Sam。
　　Thank’ee，sir，repliedMr。Weller。
　　Nevermindtouchingyourhat，Sam，saidMr。Winkle，hastily。Youneedn’ttakeyourhandawaytodothat。ImeanttohavegivenyoufiveshillingsthismorningforaChristmas-box，Sam。I’llgiveityouthisafternoon，Sam。
　　You’rewerygood，sir，repliedMr。Weller。
　　Justholdmeatfirst，Sam。willyou？saidMr。Winkle。There——that’sright。Ishallsoongetinthewayofit，Sam。Nottoofast，Sam。nottoofast。
　　Mr。Winklestoopingforward，withhisbodyhalfdoubledup，wasbeingassistedovertheicebyMr。Weller，inaverysingularandun-swan-likemanner，whenMr。Pickwickmostinnocentlyshoutedfromtheoppositebank：
　　Sam！
　　Sir？
　　Here。Iwantyou。
　　Letgo，sir，saidSam。Don’tyouhearthegovernoracallin’？Letgo，sir。
　　Withaviolenteffort，Mr。WellerdisengagedhimselffromthegraspoftheagonisedPickwickian，and，insodoing，administeredaconsiderableimpetustotheunhappyMr。Winkle。Withanaccuracywhichnodegreeofdexterityorpracticecouldhaveinsured，thatunfortunategentlemanboreswiftlydownintothecentreofthereel，attheverymomentwhenMr。BobSawyerwasperformingaflourishofunparalleledbeauty。Mr。Winklestruckwildlyagainsthim，andwithaloudcrashtheybothfellheavilydown。
　　Mr。Pickwickrantothespot。BobSawyerhadrisentohisfeet，butMr。
　　Winklewasfartoowisetodoanythingofthekind，inskates。Hewasseatedontheice，makingspasmodiceffortstosmile。butanguishwasdepictedoneverylineamentofhiscountenance。
　　Areyouhurt？inquiredMr。BenjaminAllen，withgreatanxiety。
　　Notmuch，saidMr。Winkle，rubbinghisbackveryhard。
　　Iwishyou’dletmebleedyou，saidMr。Benjamin，withgreateagerness。
　　No，thankyou，repliedMr。Winklehurriedly。
　　Ireallythinkyouhadbetter，saidAllen。
　　Thankyou，repliedMr。Winkle。I’drathernot。
　　Whatdoyouthink，Mr。Pickwick？inquiredBobSawyer。
　　Mr。Pickwickwasexcitedandindignant。HebeckonedtoMr。Weller，andsaidinasternvoice，Takehisskatesoff。
　　No。butreallyIhadscarcelybegun，remonstratedMr。Winkle。
　　Takehisskatesoff，repeatedMr。Pickwickfirmly。
　　Thecommandwasnottoberesisted。Mr。WinkleallowedSamtoobeyitinsilence。
　　Lifthimup，saidMr。Pickwick。Samassistedhimtorise。
　　Mr。Pickwickretiredafewpacesapartfromthebystanders。and，beckoninghisfriendtoapproach，fixedasearchinglookuponhim，andutteredinalow，butdistinctandemphatictone，theseremarkablewords：
　　You’reahumbug，sir。
　　Awhat？saidMr。Winkle，starting。
　　Ahumbug，sir。Iwillspeakplainer，ifyouwishit。Animpostor，sir。
　　Withthosewords，Mr。Pickwickturnedslowlyonhisheel，andrejoinedhisfriends。
　　WhileMr。Pickwickwasdeliveringhimselfofthesentimentjustrecorded，Mr。Wellerandthefatboy，havingbytheirjointendeavourscutoutaslide，wereexercisingthemselvesthereupon，inaverymasterlyandbrilliantmanner。SamWeller，inparticular，wasdisplayingthatbeautifulfeatoffancy-slidingwhichiscurrentlydenominatedknockingatthecobbler’sdoor，andwhichisachievedbyskimmingovertheiceononefoot，andoccasionallygivingapostman’sknockuponitwiththeother。Itwasagoodlongslide，andtherewassomethinginthemotionwhichMr。Pickwick，whowasverycoldwithstandingstill，couldnothelpenvying。
　　Itlooksanicewarmexercisethat，doesn’tit？heinquiredofWardle，whenthatgentlemanwasthoroughlyoutofbreath，byreasonoftheindefatigablemannerinwhichhehadconvertedhislegsintoapairofcompasses，anddrawncomplicatedproblemsontheice。
　　Ah，itdoesindeed，repliedWardle。Doyouslide？
　　Iusedtodoso，onthegutters，whenIwasaboy，repliedMr。Pickwick。
　　Tryitnow，saidWardle。
　　Ohdoplease，Mr。Pickwick！criedalltheladies。
　　Ishouldbeveryhappytoaffordyouanyamusement，repliedMr。Pickwick，butIhaven’tdonesuchathingthesethirtyyears。
　　Pooh！pooh！Nonsense！saidWardle，draggingoffhisskateswiththeimpetuositywhichcharacterisedallhisproceedings。Here。I’llkeepyoucompany。comealong！Andawaywentthegood-temperedoldfellowdowntheslide，witharapiditywhichcameverycloseuponMr。Weller，andbeatthefatboyalltonothing。
　　Mr。Pickwickpaused，considered，pulledoffhisglovesandputtheminhishat：tooktwoorthreeshortruns，baulkedhimselfasoften，andatlasttookanotherrun，andwentslowlyandgravelydowntheslide，withhisfeetaboutayardandaquarterapart，amidstthegratifiedshoutsofallthespectators。
　　Keepthepotabilin’，sir！saidSam。anddownwentWardleagain，andthenMr。Pickwick，andthenSam，andthenMr。Winkle，andthenMr。
　　BobSawyer，andthenthefatboy，andthenMr。Snodgrass，followingcloselyuponeachother’sheels，andrunningaftereachotherwithasmucheagernessasifalltheirfutureprospectsinlifedependedontheirexpedition。
　　Itwasthemostintenselyinterestingthing，toobservethemannerinwhichMr。Pickwickperformedhisshareintheceremony。towatchthetortureofanxietywithwhichheviewedthepersonbehind，gaininguponhimattheimminenthazardoftrippinghimup。toseehimgraduallyexpendthepainfulforcehehadputonatfirst，andturnslowlyroundontheslide，withhisfacetowardsthepointfromwhichhehadstarted。tocontemplatetheplayfulsmilewhichmantledonhisfacewhenhehadaccomplishedthedistance，andtheeagernesswithwhichheturnedroundwhenhehaddoneso，andranafterhispredecessor：hisblackgaiterstrippingpleasantlythroughthesnow，andhiseyesbeamingcheerfulnessandgladnessthroughhisspectacles。Andwhenhewasknockeddownwhichhappenedupontheaverageeverythirdround，itwasthemostinvigoratingsightthatcanpossiblybeimagined，tobeholdhimgatheruphishat，gloves，andhandkerchief，withaglowingcountenance，andresumehisstationintherank，withanardourandenthusiasmthatnothingcouldabate。
　　Thesportwasatitsheight，theslidingwasatthequickest，thelaughterwasattheloudest，whenasharpsmartcrackwasheard。Therewasaquickrushtowardsthebank，awildscreamfromtheladies，andashoutfromMr。Tupman。Alargemassoficedisappeared。thewaterbubbledupoverit。Mr。Pickwick’shat，gloves，andhandkerchiefwerefloatingonthesurface。
　　andthiswasallofMr。Pickwickthatanybodycouldsee。
　　Dismayandanguishweredepictedoneverycountenance，themalesturnedpale，andthefemalesfainted，Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklegraspedeachotherbythehand，andgazedatthespotwheretheirleaderhadgonedown，withfrenziedeagerness：whileMr。Tupman，bywayofrenderingthepromptestassistance，andatthesametimeconveyingtoanypersonswhomightbewithinhearing，theclearestpossiblenotionofthecatastrophe，ranoffacrossthecountryathisutmostspeed，screamingFire！withallhismight。
　　Itwasatthismoment，whenoldWardleandSamWellerwereapproachingtheholewithcautioussteps，andMr。BenjaminAllenwasholdingahurriedconsultationwithMr。BobSawyer，ontheadvisabilityofbleedingthecompanygenerally，asanimprovinglittlebitofprofessionalpractice——itwasatthisverymoment，thataface，head，andshoulders，emergedfrombeneaththewater，anddisclosedthefeaturesandspectaclesofMr。Pickwick。
　　Keepyourselfupforaninstant——foronlyoneinstant！bawledMr。
　　Snodgrass。
　　Yes，do。letmeimploreyou——formysake！roaredMr。Winkle，deeplyaffected。Theadjurationwasratherunnecessary。theprobabilitybeing，thatifMr。Pickwickhaddeclinedtokeephimselfupforanybodyelse’ssake，itwouldhaveoccurredtohimthathemightaswelldoso，forhisown。
　　Doyoufeelthebottomthere，oldfellow？saidWardle。
　　Yes，certainly，repliedMr。Pickwick，wringingthewaterfromhisheadandface，andgaspingforbreath。Ifelluponmyback。Icouldn’tgetonmyfeetatfirst。
　　TheclayuponsomuchofMr。Pickwick’scoataswasyetvisible，boretestimonytotheaccuracyofthisstatement。andasthefearsofthespectatorswerestillfurtherrelievedbythefatboy’ssuddenlyrecollectingthatthewaterwasnowheremorethanfivefeetdeep，prodigiesofvalourwereperformedtogethimout。Afteravastquantityofsplashing，andcracking，andstruggling，Mr。Pickwickwasatlengthfairlyextricatedfromhisunpleasantposition，andoncemorestoodondryland。
　　Oh，he’llcatchhisdeathofcold，saidEmily。
　　Dearoldthing！saidArabella。Letmewrapthisshawlroundyou，Mr。Pickwick。
　　Ah，that’sthebestthingyoucando，saidWardle。andwhenyou’vegotiton，runhomeasfastasyourlegscancarryyou，andjumpintobeddirectly。
　　Adozenshawlswereofferedontheinstant。Threeorfourofthethickesthavingbeenselected，Mr。Pickwickwaswrappedup，andstartedoff，undertheguidanceofMr。Weller：presentingthesingularphenomenonofanelderlygentleman，drippingwet，andwithoutahat，withhisarmsbounddowntohissides，skimmingovertheground，withoutanyclearlydefinedpurpose，attherateofsixgoodEnglishmilesanhour。
　　ButMr。Pickwickcarednotforappearancesinsuchanextremecase，andurgedonbySamWeller，hekeptattheverytopofhisspeeduntilhereachedthedoorofManorFarm，whereMr。Tupmanhadarrivedsomefiveminutesbefore，andhadfrightenedtheoldladyintopalpitationsoftheheartbyimpressingherwiththeunalterableconvictionthatthekitchenchimneywasonfire——acalamitywhichalwayspresenteditselfinglowingcolourstotheoldlady’smind，whenanybodyaboutherevincedthesmallestagitation。
　　Mr。Pickwickpausednotaninstantuntilhewassnuginbed。SamWellerlightedablazingfireintheroom，andtookuphisdinner。abowlofpunchwascarriedupafterwards，andagrandcarouseheldinhonourofhissafety。
　　OldWardlewouldnothearofhisrising，sotheymadethebedthechair，andMr。Pickwickpresided。Asecondandathirdbowlwereorderedin。andwhenMr。Pickwickawokenextmorning，therewasnotasymptomofrheumatismabouthim：whichproves，asMr。BobSawyerveryjustlyobserved，thatthereisnothinglikehotpunchinsuchcases：andthatifeverhotpunchdidfailtoactasapreventive，itwasmerelybecausethepatientfellintothevulgarerrorofnottakingenoughofit。
　　Thejovialpartybrokeupnextmorning。Breakingsuparecapitalthingsinourschooldays，butinafterlifetheyarepainfulenough。Death，self-interest，andfortune’schanges，areeverydaybreakingupmanyahappygroup，andscatteringthemfarandwide。andtheboysandgirlsnevercomebackagain。
　　Wedonotmeantosaythatitwasexactlythecaseinthisparticularinstance。
　　allwewishtoinformthereaderis，thatthedifferentmembersofthepartydispersedtotheirseveralhomes。thatMr。PickwickandhisfriendsoncemoretooktheirseatsonthetopoftheMuggletoncoach。andthatArabellaAllenrepairedtoherplaceofdestination，whereveritmighthavebeen——wedaresayMr。Winkleknew，butweconfesswedon’t——underthecareandguardianshipofherbrotherBenjamin，andhismostintimateandparticularfriend，Mr。BobSawyer。
　　Beforetheyseparated，however，thatgentlemanandMr。BenjaminAllendrewMr。Pickwickasidewithanairofsomemystery：andMr。BobSawyerthrustinghisforefingerbetweentwoofMr。Pickwick’sribs，andtherebydisplayinghisnativedrollery，andhisknowledgeoftheanatomyofthehumanframe，atoneandthesametime，inquired：
　　Isay，oldboy，wheredoyouhangout？
　　Mr。PickwickrepliedthathewasatpresentsuspendedattheGeorgeandVulture。
　　Iwishyou’dcomeandseeme，saidBobSawyer。
　　Nothingwouldgivemegreaterpleasure，repliedMr。Pickwick。
　　There’smylodgings，saidMr。BobSawyer，producingacard。LantStreet，Borough。it’snearGuy’s，andhandyforme，youknow。Littledistanceafteryou’vepassedSaintGeorge’sChurch——turnsoutoftheHighStreetontherighthandsidetheway。
　　Ishallfindit，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　ComeonThursdayfortnight，andbringtheotherchapswithyou，saidMr。BobSawyer，I’mgoingtohaveafewmedicalfellowsthatnight。
　　Mr。Pickwickexpressedthepleasureitwouldaffordhimtomeetthemedicalfellows。andafterMr。BobSawyerhadinformedhimthathemeanttobeverycosy，andthathisfriendBenwastobeoneoftheparty，theyshookhandsandseparated。
　　WefeelthatinthisplacewelayourselfopentotheinquirywhetherMr。Winklewaswhispering，duringthisbriefconversation，toArabellaAllen。andifso，whathesaid。andfurthermore，whetherMr。SnodgrasswasconversingapartwithEmilyWardle。andifso，whathesaid。
　　Tothis，wereply，thatwhatevertheymighthavesaidtotheladies，theysaidnothingatalltoMr。PickwickorMr。Tupmanforeight-and-twentymiles，andthattheysighedveryoften，refusedaleandbrandy，andlookedgloomy。Ifourobservantladyreaderscandeduceanysatisfactoryinferencesfromthesefacts，webegthembyallmeanstodoso。
　　[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter31[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXXIWHICHISALLABOUTTHELAW，ANDSUNDRYGREATAUTHORITIES
　　LEARNEDTHEREIN
　　SCATTEREDabout，invariousholesandcornersoftheTemple，arecertaindarkanddirtychambers，inandoutofwhich，allthemorninginVacation，andhalftheeveningtooinTermtime，theremaybeseenconstantlyhurryingwithbundlesofpapersundertheirarms，andprotrudingfromtheirpockets，analmostuninterruptedsuccessionofLawyers’
　　Clerks。ThereareseveralgradesofLawyers’Clerks。ThereistheArticledClerk，whohaspaidapremium，andisanattorneyinperspective，whorunsatailor’sbill，receivesinvitationstoparties，knowsafamilyinGowerStreet，andanotherinTavistockSquare：whogoesoutoftowneveryLongVacationtoseehisfather，whokeepslivehorsesinnumerable。andwhois，inshort，theveryaristocratofclerks。Thereisthesalariedclerk——outofdoor，orindoor，asthecasemaybe——whodevotesthemajorpartofhisthirtyshillingsaweektohispersonalpleasureandadornment，repairshalf-pricetotheAdelphiTheatreatleastthreetimesaweek，dissipatesmajesticallyatthecidercellarsafterwards，andisadirtycaricatureofthefashionwhichexpiredsixmonthsago。Thereisthemiddle-agedcopyingclerk，withalargefamily，whoisalwaysshabby，andoftendrunk。Andtherearetheofficeladsintheirfirstsurtouts，whofeelabefittingcontemptforboysatday-schools：clubastheygohomeatnight，forsaveloysandporter：andthinkthere’snothinglikelife。Therearevarietiesofthegenus，toonumeroustorecapitulate，buthowevernumeroustheymaybe，theyarealltobeseen，atcertainregulatedbusinesshours，hurryingtoandfromtheplaceswehavejustmentioned。
　　Thesesequesterednooksarethepublicofficesofthelegalprofession，wherewritsareissued，judgmentssigned，declarationsfiled，andnumerousotheringeniousmachinesputinmotionforthetortureandtormentofHisMajesty’sliegesubjects，andthecomfortandemolumentofthepractitionersofthelaw。Theyare，forthemostpart，low-roofed，mouldyrooms，whereinnumerablerollsofparchment，whichhavebeenperspiringinsecretforthelastcentury，sendforthanagreeableodour，whichismingledbydaywiththescentofthedryrot，andbynightwiththevariousexhalationswhicharisefromdampcloaks，festeringumbrellas，andthecoarsesttallowcandles。
　　Abouthalf-pastseveno’clockintheevening，sometendaysorafortnightafterMr。PickwickandhisfriendsreturnedtoLondon，therehurriedintooneoftheseoffices，anindividualinabrowncoatandbrassbuttons，whoselonghairwasscrupulouslytwistedroundtherimofhisnaplesshat，andwhosesoileddrabtrousersweresotightlystrappedoverhisBlucherboots，thathiskneesthreatenedeverymomenttostartfromtheirconcealment。
　　Heproducedfromhiscoatpocketsalongandnarrowstripofparchment，onwhichthepresidingfunctionaryimpressedanillegibleblackstamp。
　　Hethendrewforthfourscrapsofpaper，ofsimilardimensions，eachcontainingaprintedcopyofthestripofparchmentwithblanksforaname。andhavingfilleduptheblanks，putallthefivedocumentsinhispocket，andhurriedaway。
　　Themaninthebrowncoat，withthecabalisticdocumentsinhispocket，wasnootherthanouroldacquaintanceMr。Jackson，ofthehouseofDodsonandFogg，Freeman’sCourt，Cornhill。Insteadofreturningtotheofficefromwhencehecame，however，hebenthisstepsdirecttoSunCourt，andwalkingstraightintotheGeorgeandVulture，demandedtoknowwhetheroneMr。Pickwickwaswithin。
　　CallMr。Pickwick’sservant，Tom，saidthebarmaidoftheGeorgeandVulture。
　　Don’ttroubleyourself，saidMr。Jackson，I’vecomeonbusiness。
　　Ifyou’llshowmeMr。Pickwick’sroomI’llstepupmyself。
　　Whatname，sir？saidthewaiter。
　　Jackson，repliedtheclerk。
　　Thewaitersteppedup-stairstoannounceMr。Jackson。butMr。Jacksonsavedhimthetroublebyfollowingcloseathisheels，andwalkingintotheapartmentbeforehecouldarticulateasyllable。
　　Mr。Pickwickhad，thatday，invitedhisthreefriendstodinner。theywereallseatedroundthefire，drinkingtheirwine，whenMr。Jacksonpresentedhimself，asabovedescribed。
　　Howdedo，sir？saidMr。Jackson，noddingtoMr。Pickwick。
　　Thatgentlemanbowed，andlookedsomewhatsurprised，forthephysiognomyofMr。Jacksondweltnotinhisrecollection。
　　IhavecalledfromDodsonandFogg’s，saidMr。Jackson，inanexplanatorytone。
　　Mr。Pickwickrousedatthename。Ireferyoutomyattorney，sir：Mr。
　　Perker，ofGray’sInn，saidhe。Waiter，showthisgentlemanout。
　　Begyourpardon，Mr。Pickwick，saidJackson，deliberatelydepositinghishatonthefloor，anddrawingfromhispocketthestripofparchment。
　　Butpersonalservice，byclerkoragent，inthesecases，youknow，Mr。
　　Pickwick——nothinglikecaution，sir，inalllegalforms？
　　HereMr。Jacksoncasthiseyeontheparchment。and，restinghishandsonthetable，andlookingroundwithawinningandpersuasivesmile，said：
　　Now，come。don’tlet’shavenowordsaboutsuchalittlematterasthis。
　　Whichofyougentlemen’sname’sSnodgrass？
　　AtthisinquiryMr。Snodgrassgavesuchaveryundisguisedandpalpablestart，thatnofurtherreplywasneeded。
　　Ah！Ithoughtso，saidMr。Jackson，moreaffablythanbefore。I’vegotalittlesomethingtotroubleyouwith，sir。
　　Me！exclaimedMr。Snodgrass。
　　It’sonlyasubpoenainBardellandPickwickonbehalfoftheplaintiff，repliedJackson，singlingoutoneoftheslipsofpaper，andproducingashillingfromhiswaistcoatpocket。It’llcomeon，inthesettensafterTerm。fourteenthofFebooary，weexpect。we’vemarkeditaspecialjurycause，andit’sonlytendownthepaper。That’syours，Mr。
　　Snodgrass。AsJacksonsaidthishepresentedtheparchmentbeforetheeyesofMr。Snodgrass，andslippedthepaperandtheshillingintohishand。
　　Mr。Tupmanhadwitnessedthisprocessinsilentastonishment，whenJackson，turningsharplyuponhim，said：
　　IthinkIain’tmistakenwhenIsayyourname’sTupman，amI？
　　Mr。TupmanlookedatMr。Pickwick。but，perceivingnoencouragementinthatgentleman’swidely-openedeyestodenyhisname，said：
　　Yes，mynameisTupman，sir。
　　Andthatothergentleman’sMr。Winkle，Ithink？saidJackson。
　　Mr。Winklefalteredoutareplyintheaffirmative。andbothgentlemenwereforthwithinvestedwithaslipofpaper，andashillingeach，bythedexterousMr。Jackson。
　　Now，saidJackson，I’mafraidyou’llthinkmerathertroublesome，butIwantsomebodyelse，ifitain’tinconvenient。IhaveSamuelWeller’snamehere，Mr。Pickwick。
　　Sendmyservanthere，waiter，saidMr。Pickwick。Thewaiterretired，considerablyastonished，andMr。PickwickmotionedJacksontoaseat。
　　Therewasapainfulpause，whichwasatlengthbrokenbytheinnocentdefendant。
　　Isuppose，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，hisindignationrisingwhilehespoke。Isuppose，sir，thatitistheintentionofyouremployerstoseektocriminatemeuponthetestimonyofmyownfriends？
　　Mr。Jacksonstruckhisforefingerseveraltimesagainsttheleftsideofhisnose，tointimatethathewasnottheretodisclosethesecretsoftheprison-house，andplayfullyrejoined：
　　Notknowin’，can’tsay。
　　Forwhatotherreason，sir，pursuedMr。Pickwick，arethesesubpoenasserveduponthem，ifnotforthis？
　　Verygoodplant，Mr。Pickwick，repliedJackson，slowlyshakinghishead。Butitwon’tdo。Noharmintrying，butthere’slittletobegotoutofme。
　　HereMr。Jacksonsmiledoncemoreuponthecompany，and，applyinghisleftthumbtothetipofhisnose，workedavisionarycoffee-millwithhisrighthand：therebyperformingaverygracefulpieceofpantomimethenmuchinvogue，butnow，unhappily，almostobsoletewhichwasfamiliarlydenominatedtakingagrinder。
　　No，no，Mr。Pickwick，saidJackson，inconclusion。Perker’speoplemustguesswhatwe’veservedthesesubpoenasfor。Iftheycan’t，theymustwaittilltheactioncomeson，andthenthey’llfindout。
　　Mr。Pickwickbestowedalookofexcessivedisgustonhisunwelcomevisitor，andwouldprobablyhavehurledsometremendousanathemaattheheadsofMessrs。DodsonandFogg，hadnotSam’sentranceattheinstantinterruptedhim。
　　SamuelWeller？saidMr。Jackson，inquiringly。
　　Vuno’thetruestthingsasyou’vesaidformanyalongyear，repliedSam，inamostcomposedmanner。
　　Here’sasubpoenaforyou，Mr。Weller，saidJackson。
　　What’sthatinEnglish？inquiredSam。
　　Here’stheoriginal，saidJackson，decliningtherequiredexplanation。
　　Which？saidSam。
　　This，repliedJackson，shakingtheparchment。
　　Oh，that’sthe’rig’nal，isit？saidSam。Well，I’mwerygladI’veseenthe’rig’nal，cosit’sagratifyin’sorto’thing，andeasesvun’smindsomuch。
　　Andhere’stheshilling，saidJackson。It’sfromDodsonandFogg’s。
　　Andit’suncommonhandsomeo’DodsonandFogg，asknowssolittleofme，tocomedownvithapresent，saidSam。Ifeelitasaweryhighcompliment，sir。it’saweryhon’rablethingtothem，astheyknowshowtorewardmeritwerevertheymeetsit。Besideswich，it’saffectin’toone’sfeelin’s。
　　AsMr。Wellersaidthis，heinflictedalittlefrictiononhisrighteye-lid，withthesleeveofhiscoat，afterthemostapprovedmannerofactorswhentheyareindomesticpathetics。
　　Mr。JacksonseemedratherpuzzledbySam’sproceedings。but，ashehadservedthesubpoenas，andhadnothingmoretosay，hemadeafeintofputtingontheoneglovewhichheusuallycarriedinhishand，forthesakeofappearances。andreturnedtotheofficetoreportprogress。
　　Mr。Pickwicksleptlittlethatnight。hismemoryhadreceivedaverydisagreeablerefresheronthesubjectofMrs。Bardell’saction。Hebreakfastedbetimesnextmorning，anddesiringSamtoaccompanyhim，setforthtowardsGray’sInnSquare。
　　Sam！saidMr。Pickwick，lookinground，whentheygottotheendofCheapside。
　　Sir？saidSam，steppinguptohismaster。
　　Whichway？
　　UpNewgateStreet。
　　Mr。Pickwickdidnotturnroundimmediately，butlookedvacantlyinSam’sfaceforafewseconds，andheavedadeepsigh。
　　What’sthematter，sir？inquiredSam。
　　Thisaction，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，isexpectedtocomeon，onthefourteenthofnextmonth。
　　Remarkablecoincidencethat’ere，sir，repliedSam。
　　Whyremarkable，Sam？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
　　Walentine’sday，sir，respondedSam。reg’largooddayforabreacho’promisetrial。
　　Mr。Weller’ssmileawakenedtogleamofmirthinhismaster’scountenance。
　　Mr。Pickwickturnedabruptlyround，andledthewayinsilence。
　　Theyhadwalkedsomedistance：Mr。Pickwicktrottingonbefore，plungedinprofoundmeditation，andSamfollowingbehind，withacountenanceexpressiveofthemostenviableandeasydefianceofeverythingandeverybody：whenthelatter，whowasalwaysespeciallyanxioustoimparttohismasteranyexclusiveinformationhepossessed，quickenedhispaceuntilhewascloseatMr。Pickwick’sheels。and，pointingupatahousetheywerepassing，said：
　　Werynicepork-shopthat’ere，sir。
　　Yes，itseemsso，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　CelebratedSassagefactory，saidSam。
　　Isit？saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Isit！reiteratedSam，withsomeindignation。Ishouldraytherthinkitwas。Why，sir，blessyourinnocenteyebrows，that’swherethemysteriousdisappearanceofa’spectabletradesmantookplacefouryearago。
　　Youdon’tmeantosayhewasburked，Sam？saidMr。Pickwick，lookinghastilyround。
　　No，Idon’tindeed，sir，repliedMr。Weller，IwishIdid。farworsethanthat。Hewasthemastero’that’ereshop，sir，andtheinwentoro’
　　thepatent-never-leavin’-offsassagesteamingine，asudswallerupapavin’
　　stoneifyouputittoonear，andgrinditintosassagesaseasyasifitwasatenderyoungbabby。Weryproudo’thatmachinehewas，asitwasnat’ralheshouldbe，andhe’dstanddowninthecelleralookin’atitwenitwasinfullplay，tillhegotquitemelancholywithjoy。Aweryhappymanhe’dha’been，sir，intheprocessiono’thatereingineandtwomorelovelyhinfantsbesides，ifithadn’tbeenforhiswife，whowasamostowdaciouswixin。Shewasalwaysafollerin’himabout，anddinnin’
　　inhisears，’tillatlasthecouldn’tstanditnolonger。`I’lltellyouwhatitis，mydear，’hesaysoneday。`ifyoupersewereinthisheresortofamusement，’hesays，`I’mblessedifIdon’tgoawayto’Merriker。andthat’sallaboutit。’`You’reaidlewillin，’saysshe，`andIwishthe’Merrikinsjoyoftheirbargain。’Arterwhichshekeepsonabusin’ofhimforhalfanhour，andthenrunsintothelittleparlourbehindtheshop，setstoascreamin’，sayshe’llbethedeathonher，andfallsinafit，whichlastsforthreegoodhours——oneo’themfitswichisallscreamin’
　　andkickin’。Well，nextmornin’thehusbandwasmissin’。Hehadn’ttakennothin’fromthetill，——hadn’tevenputonhisgreat-coat——soitwasquiteclearhewarn’tgoneto’Merriker。Didn’tcomebacknextday。didn’tcomebacknextweek。Missishadbillsprinted，sayin’that，ifhe’dcomeback，heshouldbeforgiveneverythin’whichwasveryliberal，seein’thathehadn’tdonenothin’atall。thecanalswasdragged，andfortwomonthsartervards，weneverabodyturnedup，itwascarried，asareg’larthing，straightofftothesassageshop。Hows’ever，noneon’emanswered。sotheygaveoutthathe’drunavay，andshekeponthebis’ness。OneSaturdaynight，alittlethinoldgen’l’m’ncomesintotheshopinagreatpassionandsays，`Areyouthemissiso’thishereshop？’`Yes，Iam，’saysshe。
　　`Well，ma’am，’sayshe，`thenI’vejustlookedintosaythatmeandmyfamilyain’tagoin’tobechokedfornothin’。andmorethanthat，ma’am，’
　　hesays，`you’llallowmetoobserve，thatasyoudon’tusetheprimestpartsofthemeatinthemanafactero’sassages，Ithinkyou’dfindbeefcomenearlyascheapasbuttons。’`Asbuttons，sir！’saysshe。`Buttons，ma’am，’saysthelittleoldgentleman，unfoldingabitofpaper，andshewin’
　　twentyorthirtyhalveso’buttons。`Niceseasonin’forsassages，istrousers’
　　buttons，ma’am。’`They’remyhusband’sbuttons！’saysthewidder，beginnin’
　　tofaint。`What！’screamsthelittleoldgen’l’m’n，turnin’werepale。
　　`Iseeitall，’saysthewidder。`inafitoftemporaryinsanityherashlyconvertedhis-selfintosassages！’Andsohehad，sir，saidMr。Weller，lookingsteadilyintoMr。Pickwick’shorror-strickencountenance，orelsehe’dbeendraw’dintotheingine。buthoweverthatmightha’been，thelittleoldgen’l’m’n，whohadbeenremarkablypartialtosassagesallhislife，rushedouto’theshopinawildstate，andwasneverheerdonartervards！
　　TherelationofthisaffectingincidentofprivatelifebroughtmasterandmantoMr。Perker’schambers。Lowten，holdingthedoorhalfopen，wasinconversationwitharustily-clad，miserable-lookingman，inbootswithouttoesandgloveswithoutfingers。Thereweretracesofprivationandsuffering——almostofdespair——inhislankandcare-worncountenance。hefelthispoverty，forheshrunktothedarksideofthestaircaseasMr。Pickwickapproached。
　　It’sveryunfortunate，saidthestranger，withasigh。
　　Very，saidLowten，scribblinghisnameonthedoor-postwithhispen，andrubbingitoutagainwiththefeather。Willyouleaveamessageforhim？
　　Whendoyouthinkhe’llbeback？inquiredthestranger。
　　Quiteuncertain，repliedLowten，winkingatMr。Pickwick，asthestrangercasthiseyestowardstheground。
　　Youdon’tthinkitwouldbeofanyusemywaitingforhim？saidthestranger，lookingwistfullyintotheoffice。
　　Ohno，I’msureitwouldn’t，repliedtheclerk，movingalittlemoreintothecentreofthedoor-way。He’scertainnottobebackthisweek，andit’sachancewhetherhewillbenext。forwhenPerkeroncegetsoutoftown，he’sneverinahurrytocomebackagain。
　　Outoftown！saidMr。Pickwick。dearme，howunfortunate！
　　Don’tgoaway，Mr。Pickwick，saidLowten，I’vegotaletterforyou。
　　Thestrangerseemingtohesitate，oncemorelookedtowardstheground，andtheclerkwinkedslylyatMr。Pickwick，asiftointimatethatsomeexquisitepieceofhumourwasgoingforward，thoughwhatitwasMr。Pickwickcouldnotforthelifeofhimdivine。
　　Stepin，Mr。Pickwick，saidLowten。Well，willyouleaveamessage，Mr。Watty，orwillyoucallagain？
　　Askhimtobesokindastoleaveoutwordwhathasbeendoneinmybusiness，saidtheman。forGod’ssakedon’tneglectit，Mr。Lowten。
　　No，no。Iwon’tforgetit，repliedtheclerk。Walkin，Mr。Pickwick。
　　Goodmorning，Mr。Watty。it’safinedayforwalking，isn’tit？Seeingthatthestrangerstilllingered，hebeckonedSamWellertofollowhismasterin，andshutthedoorinhisface。
　　Thereneverwassuchapesteringbankruptasthatsincetheworldbegan，Idobelieve！saidLowten，throwingdownhispenwiththeairofaninjuredman。Hisaffairshaven’tbeeninChanceryquitefouryearsyet，andI’md——difhedon’tcomeworryingheretwiceaweek。Stepthisway，Mr。Pickwick。
　　Perkerisin，andhe’llseeyou，Iknow。Devilishcold，headded，pettishly，standingatthatdoor，wastingone’stimewithsuchseedyvagabonds！
　　Havingveryvehementlystirredaparticularlylargefirewithaparticularlysmallpoker，theclerkledthewaytohisprincipal’sprivateroom，andannouncedMr。Pickwick。
　　Ah，mydearsir，saidlittleMr。Perker，bustlingupfromhischair。
　　Well，mydearsir，andwhat’sthenewsaboutyourmatter，eh？AnythingmoreaboutourfriendsinFreeman’sCourt？They’venotbeensleeping，Iknowthat。Ah，they’reverysmartfellows。verysmart，indeed。
　　Asthelittlemanconcluded，hetookanemphaticpinchofsnuff，asatributetothesmartnessofMessrs。DodsonandFogg。
　　Theyaregreatscoundrels，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Aye，aye，saidthelittleman。that’samatterofopinion，youknow，andwewon’tdisputeaboutterms。becauseofcourseyoucan’tbeexpectedtoviewthesesubjectswithaprofessionaleye。Well，we’vedoneeverythingthat’snecessary。IhaveretainedSerjeantSnubbin。
　　Isheagoodman？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
　　Goodman！repliedPerker。blessyourheartandsoul，mydearsir，SerjeantSnubbinisattheverytopofhisprofession。Getstreblethebusinessofanymanincourt——engagedineverycase。Youneedn’tmentionitabroad。butwesay——weoftheprofession——thatSerjeantSnubbinleadsthecourtbythenose。
　　Thelittlemantookanotherpinchofsnuffashemadethiscommunication，andnoddedmysteriouslytoMr。Pickwick。
　　Theyhavesubpoena’dmythreefriends，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Ah！ofcoursetheywould，repliedPerker。Importantwitnesses。sawyouinadelicatesituation。
　　Butshefaintedofherownaccord，saidMr。Pickwick。Shethrewherselfintomyarms。
　　Verylikely，mydearsir，repliedPerker。verylikelyandverynatural。
　　Nothingmoreso，mydearsir，nothing。Butwho’stoproveit？
　　Theyhavesubpoena’dmyservanttoo，saidMr。Pickwick，quittingtheotherpoint。forthereMr。Perker’squestionhadsomewhatstaggeredhim。
　　Sam？saidPerker。
　　Mr。Pickwickrepliedintheaffirmative。
　　Ofcourse，mydearsir。ofcourse。Iknewtheywould。Icouldhavetoldyouthat，amonthago。Youknow，mydearsir，ifyouwilltakethemanagementofyouraffairsintoyourownhandsafterintrustingthemtoyoursolicitor，youmustalsotaketheconsequences。HereMr。
　　Perkerdrewhimselfupwithconsciousdignity，andbrushedsomestraygrainsofsnufffromhisshirtfrill。
　　Andwhatdotheywanthimtoprove？askedMr。Pickwick，aftertwoorthreeminutes’silence。
　　Thatyousenthimuptotheplaintiff’stomakesomeofferofacompromise，Isuppose，repliedPerker。Itdon’tmattermuch，though。Idon’tthinkmanycounselcouldgetagreatdealoutofhim。
　　Idon’tthinktheycould，saidMr。Pickwick。smiling，despitehisvexation，attheideaofSam’sappearanceasawitness。Whatcoursedowepursue？
　　Wehaveonlyonetoadopt，mydearsir，repliedPerker。cross-examinethewitnesses。trusttoSnubbin’seloquence。throwdustintheeyesofthejudge。throwourselvesonthejury。
　　Andsupposetheverdictisagainstme？saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Mr。Perkersmiled，tookaverylongpinchofsnuff，stirredthefire，shruggedhisshoulders，andremainedexpressivelysilent。
　　YoumeanthatinthatcaseImustpaythedamages？saidMr。Pickwick，whohadwatchedthistelegraphicanswerwithconsiderablesternness。
　　Perkergavethefireanotherveryunnecessarypoke，andsaidIamafraidso。
　　ThenIbegtoannouncetoyou，myunalterabledeterminationtopaynodamageswhatever，saidMr。Pickwick，mostemphatically。None，Perker。
　　Notapound，notapenny，ofmymoney，shallfinditswayintothepocketsofDodsonandFogg。Thatismydeliberateandirrevocabledetermination。
　　Mr。Pickwickgaveaheavyblowonthetablebeforehim，inconfirmationoftheirrevocabilityofhisintention。
　　Verywell，mydearsir，verywell，saidPerker。Youknowbest，ofcourse。
　　Ofcourse，repliedMr。Pickwickhastily。WheredoesSerjeantSnubbinlive？
　　InLincoln’sInnOldSquare，repliedPerker。
　　Ishouldliketoseehim，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　SeeSerjeantSnubbin，mydearsir！rejoinedPerker，inutteramazement。
　　Pooh，pooh，mydearsir，impossible。SeeSerjeantSnubbin！Blessyou，mydearsir，suchathingwasneverheardof，withoutaconsultationfeebeingpreviouslypaid，andaconsultationfixed。Itcouldn’tbedone，mydearsir。itcouldn’tbedone。
　　Mr。Pickwick，however，hadmadeuphismindnotonlythatitcouldbedone，butthatitshouldbedone。andtheconsequencewas，thatwithintenminutesafterhehadreceivedtheassurancethatthethingwasimpossible，hewasconductedbyhissolicitorintotheouterofficeofthegreatSerjeantSnubbinhimself。
　　Itwasanuncarpetedroomoftolerabledimensions，withalargewriting-tabledrawnupnearthefire：thebaizetopofwhichhadlongsincelostallclaimtoitsoriginalhueofgreen，andhadgraduallygrowngreywithdustandage，exceptwherealltracesofitsnaturalcolourwereobliteratedbyink-stains。Uponthetablewerenumerouslittlebundlesofpaperstiedwithredtape。andbehindit，satanelderlyclerk，whosesleekappearance，andheavygoldwatch-chain，presentedimposingindicationsoftheextensiveandlucrativepracticeofMr。SerjeantSnubbin。
　　IstheSerjeantinhisroom，Mr。Mallard？inquiredPerker，offeringhisboxwithallimaginablecourtesy。
　　Yes，heis，wasthereply，buthe’sverybusy。Lookhere。notanopiniongivenyet，onanyoneofthesecases。andanexpeditionfeepaidwithallof’em。Theclerksmiledashesaidthis，andinhaledthepinchofsnuffwithazestwhichseemedtobecompoundedofafondnessforsnuffandarelishforfees。
　　Somethinglikepracticethat，saidPerker。
　　Yes，saidthebarrister’sclerk，producinghisownbox，andofferingitwiththegreatestcordiality。andthebestofitis，thatasnobodyaliveexceptmyselfcanreadtheSerjeant’swriting，theyareobligedtowaitfortheopinions，whenhehasgiventhem，tillIhavecopied’em，ha——ha——ha！
　　Whichmakesgoodforweknowwho，besidestheSerjeant，anddrawsalittlemoreoutoftheclients，eh？saidPerker。Ha，ha，ha！AtthistheSerjeant’sclerklaughedagain。notanoisyboisterouslaugh，butasilent，internalchuckle，whichMr。Pickwickdislikedtohear。Whenamanbleedsinwardly，itisadangerousthingforhimself。butwhenhelaughsinwardly，itbodesnogoodtootherpeople。
　　Youhaven’tmademeoutthatlittlelistofthefeesthatI’minyourdebt，haveyou？saidPerker。
　　No，Ihavenot，repliedtheclerk。
　　Iwishyouwould，saidPerker。Letmehavethem，andI’llsendyouacheque。ButIsupposeyou’retoobusypocketingthereadymoney，tothinkofthedebtors，eh？ha，ha，ha！Thissallyseemedtotickletheclerkamazingly，andheoncemoreenjoyedalittlequietlaughtohimself。
　　But，Mr。Mallard，mydearfriend，saidPerker，suddenlyrecoveringhisgravity，anddrawingthegreatman’sgreatmanintoacorner，bythelappelofhiscoat。youmustpersuadetheSerjeanttoseeme，andmyclienthere。
　　Come，come，saidtheclerk，that’snotbadeither。SeetheSerjeant！
　　come，that’stooabsurd。Notwithstandingtheabsurdityoftheproposal，however，theclerkallowedhimselftobegentlydrawnbeyondthehearingofMr。Pickwick。andafterashortconversationconductedinwhispers，walkedsoftlydownalittledarkpassage，anddisappearedintothelegalluminary’ssanctum：whenceheshortlyreturnedontiptoe，andinformedMr。PerkerandMr。PickwickthattheSerjeanthadbeenprevailedupon，inviolationofallestablishedrulesandcustoms，toadmitthematonce。
　　Mr。SerjeantSnubbinwasalantern-faced，sallow-complexionedman，ofaboutfive-and-forty，or——asthenovelssay——hemightbefifty。Hehadthatdull-lookingboiledeyewhichisoftentobeseenintheheadsofpeoplewhohaveappliedthemselvesduringmanyyearstoawearyandlaboriouscourseofstudy。andwhichwouldhavebeensufficient，withouttheadditionaleye-glasswhichdangledfromabroadblackribandroundhisneck，towarnastrangerthathewasverynear-sighted。Hishairwasthinandweak，whichwaspartlyattributabletohishavingneverdevotedmuchtimetoitsarrangement，andpartlytohishavingwornforfive-and-twentyyearstheforensicwigwhichhungonablockbesidehim。Themarksofhair-powderonhiscoat-collar，andtheill-washedandworsetiedwhiteneckerchiefroundhisthroat，showedthathehadnotfoundleisuresinceheleftthecourttomakeanyalterationinhisdress：whiletheslovenlystyleoftheremainderofhiscostumewarrantedtheinferencethathispersonalappearancewouldnothavebeenverymuchimprovedifhehad。Booksofpractice，heapsofpapers，andopenedletters，werescatteredoverthetable，withoutanyattemptatorderorarrangement。thefurnitureoftheroomwasoldandrickety。thedoorsofthebook-casewererottingontheirhinges。thedustflewoutfromthecarpetinlittlecloudsateverystep。theblindswereyellowwithageanddirt。thestateofeverythingintheroomshowed，withaclearnessnottobemistaken，thatMr。SerjeantSnubbinwasfartoomuchoccupiedwithhisprofessionalpursuitstotakeanygreatheedorregardofhispersonalcomforts。
　　TheSerjeantwaswritingwhenhisclientsentered。hebowedabstractedlywhenMr。Pickwickwasintroducedbyhissolicitor。andthen，motioningthemtoaseat，puthispencarefullyintheinkstand，nursedhisleftleg，andwaitedtobespokento。
　　Mr。PickwickisthedefendantinBardellandPickwick，SerjeantSnubbin，
　　saidPerker。
　　Iamretainedinthat，amI？saidtheSerjeant。
　　Youare，sir，repliedPerker。
　　TheSerjeantnoddedhishead，andwaitedforsomethingelse。
　　Mr。Pickwickwasanxioustocalluponyou，SerjeantSnubbin，saidPerker，tostatetoyou，beforeyouentereduponthecase，thathedeniestherebeinganygroundorpretencewhateverfortheactionagainsthim。
　　andthatunlesshecameintocourtwithcleanhands，andwithoutthemostconscientiousconvictionthathewasrightinresistingtheplaintiff’sdemand，hewouldnotbethereatall。IbelieveIstateyourviewscorrectly。
　　doInot，mydearsir？saidthelittleman，turningtoMr。Pickwick。
　　Quiteso，repliedthatgentleman。
　　Mr。SerjeantSnubbinunfoldedhisglasses，raisedthemtohiseyes。
　　and，afterlookingatMr。Pickwickforafewsecondswithgreatcuriosity，turnedtoMr。Perker，andsaid，smilingslightlyashespoke：
　　HasMr。Pickwickastrongcase？
　　Theattorneyshruggedhisshoulders。
　　Doyoupurposecallingwitnesses？
　　No。
　　ThesmileontheSerjeant’scountenancebecamemoredefined。herockedhislegwithincreasedviolence。and，throwinghimselfbackinhiseasy-chair，cougheddubiously。
　　ThesetokensoftheSerjeant’spresentimentsonthesubject，slightastheywere，werenotlostonMr。Pickwick。Hesettledthespectacles，throughwhichhehadattentivelyregardedsuchdemonstrationsofthebarrister’sfeelingsashehadpermittedhimselftoexhibit，morefirmlyonhisnose。
　　andsaidwithgreatenergy，andinutterdisregardofallMr。Perker’sadmonitorywinkingsandfrownings：
　　Mywishingtowaituponyou，forsuchapurposeasthis，sir，appears，Ihavenodoubt，toagentlemanwhoseessomuchofthesemattersasyoumustnecessarilydo，averyextraordinarycircumstance。
　　TheSerjeanttriedtolookgravelyatthefire，butthesmilecamebackagain。
　　Gentlemenofyourprofession，sir，continuedMr。Pickwick，seetheworstsideofhumannature。Allitsdisputes，allitsill-willandbadblood，riseupbeforeyou。YouknowfromyourexperienceofjuriesImeannodisparagementtoyou，orthemhowmuchdependsuponeffect：
　　andyouareapttoattributetoothers，adesiretouse，forpurposesofdeceptionandself-interest，theveryinstrumentswhichyou，inpurehonestyandhonourofpurpose，andwithalaudabledesiretodoyourutmostforyourclient，knowthetemperandworthofsowell，fromconstantlyemployingthemyourselves。Ireallybelievethattothiscircumstancemaybeattributedthevulgarbutverygeneralnotionofyourbeing，asabody，suspicious，distrustful，andover-cautious。ConsciousasIam，sir，ofthedisadvantageofmakingsuchadeclarationtoyou，undersuchcircumstances，Ihavecomehere，becauseIwishyoudistinctlytounderstand，asmyfriendMr。Perkerhassaid，thatIaminnocentofthefalsehoodlaidtomycharge。andalthoughIamverywellawareoftheinestimablevalueofyourassistance，sir，Imustbegtoadd，thatunlessyousincerelybelievethis，Iwouldratherbedeprivedoftheaidofyourtalentsthanhavetheadvantageofthem。