`Ohyes!It’sonlymywayoftalking。Theeventmustcome,sometime,andsoIlooktothebrightsideofit——that’stherightplan,isn’tit,Mrs。H。?——Whatareyoutwodoinghere,bytheby——where’sLadyLowborough?’
`Inthebilliardroom。
`Whatasplendidcreaturesheis!’continuedhe,fixinghiseyesonhiswife,whochangedcolour,andlookedmoreandmoredisconcertedasheproceeded。`Whatanoblefigureshehas!andwhatmagnificentblackeyes;andwhatafinespiritofherown;——andwhatatongueofherown,too,whenshelikestouseit——Iperfectlyadoreher!——Butnevermind,Milicent;Iwouldn’thaveherformywife——notifshe’dakingdomforherdowry!I’mbettersatisfiedwiththeoneIhave——Now,then!whatdoyoulooksosulkyfor?don’tyoubelieveme?’
`Yes,Ibelieveyou,’murmuredshe,inatoneofhalfsad,halfsullenresignation,assheturnedawaytostrokethehairofhersleepinginfant,thatshehadlaidonthesofabesideher。
`Wellthen,whatmakesyousocross?ComehereMilly,andtellmewhyyoucan’tbesatisfiedwithmyassurance。’
Shewent,and,puttingherlittlehandwithinhisarm,lookedupinhisface,andsaidsoftly,——
`WhatdoesitamounttoRalph?Onlytothis,thatthoughyouadmireAnnabellasomuch,andforqualitiesthatIdon’tpossess,youwouldstillratherhavemethanherforyourwife,whichmerelyprovesthatyoudon’tthinkitnecessarytoloveyourwife:youaresatisfiedifshecankeepyourhouseandtakecareofyourchild。ButI’mnotcross;I’monlysorry;
for,’addedsheinalow,tremulousaccent,withdrawingherhandfromhisarm,andbendingherlooksontherug,`ifyoudon’tloveme,youdon’t,anditcan’tbehelped。’
`Verytrue:butwhotoldyouIdidn’t?DidIsayIlovedAnnabella?’
`Yousaidyouadoredher。’
`True,butadorationisn’tlove。IadoreAnnabella,butIdon’tloveher;andIlovetheeMilicent,butIdon’tadorethee。’Inproofofhisaffection,heclutchedahandfulofherlightbrownringletsandappearedtotwistthemunmercifully。
`Doyoureally,Ralph?’murmuredshewithafaintsmilebeamingthroughhertears,justputtingupherhandtohis,intokenthathepulledrathertoohard。
`TobesureIdo,’respondedhe:`onlyyoubothermerather,sometimes。’
`Ibotheryou!’criedsheinverynaturalsurprise。
`Yes,you——butonlybyyourexceedinggoodness——whenaboyhasbeencrammingraisinsandsugar-plumsallday,helongsforasqueezeofsourorangebywayofachange。Anddidyounever,Milly,observethesandsonthesea-shore;howniceandsmooththeylook,andhowsoftandeasytheyfeeltothefoot?Butifyouplodalong,forhalfanhour,overthissoft,easycarpet——givingwayateverystep,yieldingthemoretheharderyoupress,——you’llfinditratherwearisomework,andbegladenoughtocometoabitofgood,firmrock,thatwon’tbudgeaninchwhetheryoustand,walk,orstampuponit;and,thoughitbehardasthenethermillstone,you’llfindittheeasierfootingafterall。’
`Iknowwhatyoumean,Ralph,’saidshe,nervouslyplayingwithherwatch-guardandtracingthefigureontherugwiththepointofhertinyfoot,`Iknowwhatyoumean,butIthoughtyoualwayslikedtobeyieldedto;andIcan’talternow。
`Idolikeit,’repliedhe,bringinghertohimbyanothertugatherhair。`Youmustn’tmindmytalkMilly。Amanmusthavesomethingtogrumbleabout;andifhecan’tcomplainthathiswifeharrieshimtodeathwithherperversityandill-humour,hemustcomplainthatshewearshimoutwithherkindnessandgentleness。’
`Butwhycomplainatall,unless,becauseyouaretiredanddissatisfied?’
`Toexcusemyownfailings,tobesure。DoyouthinkI’llbearalltheburdenofmysinsonmyownshoulders,aslongasthere’sanotherreadytohelpme,withnoneofherowntocarry?’
`Thereisnosuchoneonearth,’saidsheseriously;andthen,takinghishandfromherhead,shekisseditwithanairofgenuinedevotion,andtrippedawaytothedoor。
`Whatnow?’saidhe。`Whereareyougoing?’
`Totidymyhair,’sheanswered,smilingthroughherdisorderedlocks:`you’vemadeitallcomedown。’
`Offwithyouthen!——Anexcellentlittlewoman,’heremarkedwhenshewasgone,`butathoughttoosoft——shealmostmeltsinone’shands。
IpositivelythinkIill-usehersometimes,whenI’vetakentoomuch——butIcan’thelpit,forshenevercomplains,eitheratthetimeorafter。
Isupposeshedoesn’tmindit。’
`Icanenlightenyouonthatsubject,Mr。Hattersley,’saidI:
`shedoesmindit;andsomeotherthingsshemindsstillmore,which,yet,youmayneverhearhercomplainof。’
`Howdoyouknow?——doesshecomplaintoyou?’demandedhe,withasuddensparkoffuryreadytoburstintoaflameifIshouldanswer`Yes。’
`No,’Ireplied;`butIhaveknownherlongerandstudiedhermorecloselythanyouhavedone——AndIcantellyou,Mr。Hattersley,thatMilicentlovesyoumorethanyoudeserve,andthatyouhaveitinyourpowertomakeherveryhappy,insteadofwhichyouareherevilgenius,and,Iwillventuretosay,thereisnotasingledaypassesinwhichyoudonotinflictuponhersomepangthatyoumightspareherifyouwould。’
`Well——it’snotmyfault,’saidhe,gazingcarelesslyupattheceilingandplunginghishandsintohispockets:`ifmyongoingsdon’tsuither,sheshouldtellmeso。’
`Isshenotexactlythewifeyouwanted?DidyounottellMr。
Huntingdonyoumusthaveonethatwouldsubmittoanythingwithoutamurmur,andneverblameyou,whateveryoudid?’
`True,butweshouldn’talwayshavewhatwewant:itspoilsthebestofus,doesn’tit?HowcanIhelpplayingthedeucewhenIseeit’sallonetoherwhetherIbehavelikeaChristianorlikeascoundrelsuchasnaturemademe?——andhowcanIhelpteazingherwhenshe’ssoinvitinglymeekandmim——whensheliesdownlikeaspanielatmyfeetandneversomuchassqueakstotellmethat’senough?’
`Ifyouareatyrantbynature,thetemptationisstrong,Iallow;
butnogenerousminddelightstooppresstheweak,butrathertocherishandprotect。’
`Idon’toppressher;butit’ssoconfoundedflattobealwayscherishingandprotecting;——andthenhowcanItellthatIamoppressingherwhenshe“meltsawayandmakesnosign?”’Isometimesthinkshehasnofeelingatall;andthenIgoontillshecries——andthatsatisfiesme。
`Thenyoudodelighttooppressher。’
`Idon’t,Itellyou!——onlywhenI’minabadhumour——oraparticularlygoodone,andwanttoafflictforthepleasureofcomforting;orwhenshelooksflatandwantsshakingupabit。Andsometimes,sheprovokesmebycryingfornothing,andwon’ttellmewhatit’sfor;andthen,Iallow,itenragesmepastbearing——especially,whenI’mnotmyownman。’
`Asisnodoubtgenerallythecaseonsuchoccasions,’saidI。
`Butinfuture,Mr。Hattersley,whenyouseeherlookingflatorcryingfor“nothing“asyoucallit,ascribeitalltoyourself:beassureditissomethingyouhavedoneamiss,oryourgeneralmisconductthatdistressesher。’
`Idon’tbelieveit。Ifitwere,sheshouldtellmeso:Idon’tlikethatwayofmopingandfrettinginsilence,andsayingnothing——it’snothonest。Howcansheexpectmetomendmywaysatthatrate?’
`Perhapsshegivesyoucreditforhavingmoresensethanyoupossess,anddeludesherselfwiththehopethatyouwillonedayseeyourownerrorsandrepairthem,iflefttoyourownreflection。’
`Noneofyoursneers,Mrs。Huntingdon!IhavethesensetoseethatI’mnotalwaysquitecorrect——butsometimesIthinkthat’snogreatmatter,aslongasIinjurenobodybutmyself——’
`Itisagreatmatter,’interruptedI,`bothtoyourselfasyouwillhereafterfindtoyourcostandtoallconnectedwithyou——mostespeciallyyourwife——butindeed,itisnonsensetotalkaboutinjuringnoonebutyourself,itisimpossibletoinjureyourself——especiallybysuchactsaswealludeto——withoutinjuringhundreds,ifnotthousands,besides,inagreaterorlessdegree,eitherbytheevilyoudoorthegoodyouleaveundone。’
`AndasIwassaying,’continuedhe——`orwouldhavesaidifyouhadn’ttakenmeupsoshort——IsometimesthinkIshoulddobetterifI
werejoinedtoonethatwouldalwaysremindmewhenIwaswrong,andgivemeamotivefordoinggoodandeschewingevilbydecidedlyshowingherapprovaloftheone,anddisapprovaloftheother。’
`Ifyouhadnohighermotivethantheapprovalofyourfellowmortal,itwoulddoyoulittlegood。’
`Well,butifIhadamatethatwouldnotalwaysbeyielding,andalwaysequallykind,butthatwouldhavethespirittostandatbaynowandthen,andhonestlytellmehermindatalltimes——suchaoneasyourselfforinstance——nowifIwentonwithyouasIdowithherwhenI’minLondon,you’dmakethehousetoohottoholdmeattimes,I’llbesworn。
`Youmistakeme:I’mnotermagant。’
`Well,allthebetterforthat,forIcan’tstandcontradiction——inageneralway——andI’masfondofmyownwillasanother:onlyIthinktoomuchofitdoesn’tanswerforanyman。
`Well,Iwouldnevercontradictyouwithoutacause,butcertainlyIwouldalwaysletyouknowwhatIthoughtofyourconduct;andifyouoppressedme,inbody,mind,orestate,youshouldatleasthavenoreasontosuppose“Ididn’tmindit。
`Iknowthatmylady;andIthinkifmylittlewifeweretofollowthesameplanitwouldbebetterforusboth。’
`I’lltellher。’
`No,no,letherbe;there’smuchtobesaidonbothsides——and,nowIthinkuponit,Huntingdonoftenregretsthatyouarenotmorelikeher——scoundrellydogthatheis——andyousee,afterall,youcan’treformhim:he’stentimesworsethanI——He’safraidofyou,tobesure——thatis,he’salwaysonhisbestbehaviourinyourpresence——but——’
`Iwonderwhathisworstbehaviourislike,then?’Icouldnotforbearobserving。
`Why,totellyouthetruth,it’sverybadindeedisn’tit,Hargrave?’
saidhe,addressingthatgentleman,whohadenteredtheroomunperceivedbyme,forIwasnowstandingnearthefirewithmybacktothedoor。`Isn’tHuntingdon,’hecontinued,`asgreatareprobateaseverwasd——d?’
`Hisladywillnothearhimcensuredwithimpunity,’repliedMr。
Hargrave,comingforward,`butImustsay,IthankGodIamnotsuchanother。’
`Perhapsitwouldbecomeyoubetter,’saidI,`tolookatwhatyouare,andsay,“Godbemercifultomeasinner。”’
`Youaresevere,’returnedhe,bowingslightlyanddrawinghimselfupwithaproudyetinjuredair。Hattersleylaughed,andclappedhimontheshoulder。Movingfromunderhishandwithagestureofinsulteddignity,Mr。Hargravetookhimselfawaytotheotherendoftherug。
`Isn’titashame,Mrs。Huntingdon?’criedhisbrother-in-law——
`IstruckWalterHargravewhenIwasdrunk,thesecondnightafterwecame,andhe’sturnedacoldshoulderonmeeversince;thoughIaskedhispardontheverymorningafteritwasdone!’
`Yourmannerofaskingit,’returnedtheother,`andtheclearnesswithwhichyourememberedthewholetransaction,showedyouwerenottoodrunktobefullyconsciousofwhatyouwereabout,andquiteresponsibleforthedeed。’
`Youwantedtointerferebetweenmeandmywife,’grumbledHattersley,`andthatisenoughtoprovokeanyman。
`Youjustifyitthen?’saidhisopponent,dartinguponhimamostvindictiveglance。
`No,ItellyouIwouldn’thavedoneitifIhadn’tbeenunderexcitement;andifyouchoosetobearmaliceforit,afterallthehandsomethingsI’vesaid——dosoandbedamned!’
`Iwouldrefrainfromsuchlanguageinalady’spresence,atleast,’saidMr。Hargrave,hidinghisangerunderamaskofdisgust。
`WhathaveIsaid?’returnedHattersley。`NothingbutHeaven’struth——hewillbedamned,won’the,Mrs。Huntingdon,ifhedoesn’tforgivehisbrother’strespasses?’