“Theveryfactthatshecouldaddressmewithsomuchsympathyandkindnessstruckmedumb。AsregardsDoctorKliachka，Imaymentionthathewasagood-looking，blotchy-faced，heavy-jowledfellowwithamoustachethatreachedtohisshoulders，andlipsthatwereforeverlaughingandvociferating。’Nothinghaseitherabeginningoranend。Theonlythingreallyexistentispleasure。’
　　“Nay，eventheGeneralcould，attimes，makesportofthefellow，andsayasheshookwithmerriment:
　　“’Adoctor-comedianisthesortofmanthatyouare。’
　　“Now，attheperiodofwhichIamspeakingIwasasstraightasadart，andhadashockofluxurianthairoverasetofruddyfeatures。Also，Iwaslivingalifecleanineveryway，andmaintainingacautiousattitudetowardswomenfolk，andholdingprostitutesinacontemptbornofthefactthatIhadhigherviewswithregardtomylife’sdestiny。Lastly，Ineverindulgedinliquor，forIactuallydislikedit，andgavewaytoitsinfluenceonlyindayssubsequenttotheepisodewhichIamnarrating。Yes，and，lastofall，IwasinthehabitoftakingabatheverySaturday。
　　“ThesameeveningKliachkaandtherestofthepartywentouttothetheatrefor，naturally，theGeneralhadhorsesandacarriageofhisown，andI，formypart，wenttoinformLukianovofwhathadhappened。
　　“Hesaid:’Imustcongratulateyou，andamreadytowageryoutwobottlesofbeerthatyouraffairisasgoodassettled。Inafewsecondsafreshlotofversesshallbeturnedout，forpoetryconstitutesaspeciesoftalismanorcharm。’
　　“And，sureenough，hethenandtherecomposedthepieceabout’thewondrousValentina。’Whatatenderthingitis，andhowfullofunderstanding！MyGod，myGod！“
　　And，withathoughtfulshakeofhisbead，Kalininraisedhisboyisheyestowardsthebluepatchesintherain-washedsky。
　　“Dulyshefoundtheverses，“hecontinuedafterawhile，andwithavehemencethatseemedwhollyindependentofhiswill。“Andthereuponshesummonedmetoherroom。
　　“’Whatarewetodoaboutitall？’sheinquired。
　　“Shewasbuthalf-dressed，andpracticallythewholeofherbosomwasvisibletomysight。Also，hernakedfeethadonthemonlyslippers，andasshesatinherchairshekeptrockingonefoottoandfroinamaddeningway。
　　“’Whatarewetodoaboutitall？’sherepeated。
　　“’WhatamItosayaboutit，atlengthIreplied，’savethatI
　　feelasthoughIwerenotreallyexistingonearth？’
　　“’Areyouonewhocanholdyourtongue？’washernextquestion。
　　“Inodded——nothingelsecouldIcompass，forfurtherspeechhadbecomeimpossible。Whereupon，risingwithbrowspuckered，shefetchedacoupleofsmallphials，and，withtheaidofingredientsthence，mixedapowderwhichshewrappedinpaper，andhandedmewiththewords:
　　“’OnlyonewayofescapeoffersfromthePlaguesofEgypt。HereIhaveacertainpowder。Tonightthedoctoristodinewithus。
　　Placethepowderinhissoup，andwithinafewdaysIshallbefree！——yes，freeforyou！’
　　“Icrossedmyself，anddulytookfromherthepaper，whilstamistrose，andswambeforemyeyes，asIdidso，andmylegsbecameperfectlynumb。WhatInextdidIhardlyknow，forinwardlyIwasswooning。Indeed，untilKliachka’sarrivalthesameeveningIremainedpracticallyinastateofcoma。“
　　HereKalininshuddered——thenglancedatmewithdrawnfeaturesandchatteringteeth，andstirreduneasily。
　　“Supposewelightafire？“heventured。“Iamgrowingshiveryallover。Butfirstwemustmoveoutside。“
　　Thetorncloudswerecastingtheirshadowswearilyathwartthesoddenearthandglitteringstonesandsilver-dustedherbage。
　　Onlyonasinglemountaintophadablurofmistsettledlikeanarrestedavalanche，andwasrestingtherewithitsedgessteaming。Theseatoohadgrowncalmerundertherain，andwassplashingwithmoregentlemournfulness，evenasthebluepatchesinthefirmamenthadtakenonasofter，warmerlook，andstraysunbeamsweretouchinguponlandandseainturn，and，wheretheychancedtofalluponherbage，causingpearlsandemeraldstosparkleoneveryleaf，andkaleidoscopictintstoglowwherethedark-blueseareflectedtheirgenerousradiance。Indeed，sogoodly，sofullofpromise，wasthescenethatonemighthavesupposedautumntohavefledawayforeverbeforethewindandtherain，andbeneficentsummertohavebeenrestored。
　　Presentlythroughthemoist，squelchingsoundofourfootsteps，andthecheerfulpatteroftherain-drippings，Kalinin’snarrativeresumeditslanguid，querulouscourse:
　　“When，thatevening，IopenedthedoortothedoctorIcouldnotbringmyselftolookhimintheface——Icouldmerelyhangmyhead；
　　whereupon，takingmebythechin，andraisingit，heinquired:
　　“Whyisyourfacesoyellow？Whatisthematterwithyou？’
　　“Yes，akind-heartedmanwashe，andonewhohadneverfailedtotipmewell，andtospeaktomewithasmuchconsiderationasthoughIhadnotbeenafootmanatall。
　　“’Iamnotinverygoodhealth，’Ireplied。’I，I——’
　　“’Come，come！’washisinterjection。’AfterdinnerImustlookyouover，andinthemeanwhile，dokeepupyourspirits。’
　　“ThenIrealisedthatpoisonhimIcouldnot，butthatthepowdermustbeswallowedbymyself——yes，bymyself！Aye，overmyheartaflashoflightninghadgleamed，andshownmethatnowI
　　wasnolongerfollowingtheroadproperlyassignedmebyfate。
　　“Rushingawaytomyroom，Ipouredoutaglassofwater，andemptiedintoitthepowder；whereuponthewaterthickened，fizzed，andbecametoppedwithfoam。Oh，aterriblemomentitwas！……ThenIdrankthemixture。Yetnoburningsensationensued，andthoughIlistenedtomyvitals，nothingwastobeheardinthatquarter，but，onthecontrary，myheadbegantolighten，andIfoundmyselflosingthesenseofself-pitywhichhadbroughtmealmosttothepointoftears……Shallwesettleourselveshere？“
　　Beforeusalargestone，cappedwithgreenmossandclimbingplants，wasgood-humouredlythrustingupwardsabroad，flatfacebeneathwhichthebodyhad，likethatoftheheroSviatogov，sunkenintotheearththroughitsownweightuntilonlytheface，avisagewornwithaeonsofmeditation，wasnowvisible。Oneveryside，also，hadoak-treesovergrownandencompassedthebulkoftheprojection，asthoughtheytoohadbeenmadeofstone，withtheirbranchesdroopingsufficientlylowtobrushthewrinklesoftheancientmonolith。Kalininseatedhimselfonhishaunchesundertheoverhangingrimofthestone，andsaidashesnappedsometwigsinhalf:
　　“Thisiswhereweoughttohavebeensittingwhilsttherainwascomingdown。“
　　“AndsosayI，“Irejoined。“Butpraycontinueyourstory。“
　　“Yes，whenyouhaveputamatchtothefire。“
　　Whereafter，furtherwithdrawinghisspareframeunderthestone，sothathemightstretchhimselfatfulllength，Kalinincontinued:
　　“Iwalkedtothepantryquietlyenough，thoughmylegsweretotteringbeneathme，andIhadacoldsensationinmybreast。
　　SuddenlyIheardthedining-roomechotoamerrypealoflaughterfromValentinaIgnatievna，andtheGeneralreplytothatoutburst:
　　“’Ah，thatman！Ah，theseservantsofours！Why，thefellowwoulddoANYTHINGforapiatak’[Asilverfive-kopeckpiece，equalinvalueto21/4pence。]
　　“Tothismybelovedoneretorted:
　　“’Oh，uncle，uncle！IsitonlyapiatakthatIamworth？
　　AndthenIheardthedoctorputin:
　　“’Whatwasityougavehim？’
　　“’Merelysomesodaandtartaricacid。Tothinkofthefunthatweshallhave！’“
　　Here，closinghiseyes，Kalininremainedsilentforamoment，whilstthemoistbreezesighedasitdrovedense，wetmistagainsttheblackbranchesofthetrees。
　　“AtfirstmyfeelingwasoneofoverwhelmingjoyatthethoughtthatatleastnotDEATHwastobemyfate。ForImaytellyouthat，sofarfrombeingharmful，sodaandtartaricacidarefrequentlytakenasaremedyagainstdrunkenheadache。Thenthethoughtoccurredtome:’But，sinceIamnotatippler，whyshouldsuchajokehavebeenplayeduponME？’However，fromthatmomentIbegantofeeleasier，andwhenthecompanyhadsatdowntodinner，and，amidageneralsilence，Iwashandingroundthesoup，thedoctortastedhisportion，and，raisinghisheadwithafrown，inquired:
　　“’Forgiveme，butwhatsoupisthis？’
　　“’Ah！’Iinwardlyreflected。’Soon，goodgentlefolk，youwillseehowyourjesthasmiscarried。’
　　“AloudIreplied——repliedwithcompleteboldness:
　　“’Donotfear，sir。Ihavetakenthepowdermyself。’
　　UponthistheGeneralandhiswife，whowerestillinignorancethatthejesthadgoneamiss，begantotitter，buttheotherssaidnothing，thoughValentinaIgnatievna’seyesgrewrounderandrounder，untilinanundertoneshemurmured:
　　“’DidyouKNOWthatthestuffwasharmless？’
　　“’Ididnot，’Ireplied。’Atleast，notatthemomentofmydrinkingit。’
　　“Whereafterfallingheadlongtothefloor，Ilostconsciousness。“