No,Icansafelysay,Ihavenopleasuresocomplete,sounalloyed。Itiswithoutadrawback。“
UponsuchexpressionsofaffectionFannycouldhavelivedanhourwithoutsayinganotherword;butEdmund,afterwaitingamoment,obligedhertobringdownhermindfromitsheavenlyflightbysaying,“Butwhatisitthatyouwanttoconsultmeabout?“
Itwasaboutthenecklace,whichshewasnowmostearnestlylongingtoreturn,andhopedtoobtainhisapprobationofherdoing。Shegavethehistoryofherrecentvisit,andnowherrapturesmightwellbeover;forEdmundwassostruckwiththecircumstance,sodelightedwithwhatMissCrawfordhaddone,sogratifiedbysuchacoincidenceofconductbetweenthem,thatFannycouldnotbutadmitthesuperiorpowerofonepleasureoverhisownmind,thoughitmighthaveitsdrawback。Itwassometimebeforeshecouldgethisattentiontoherplan,oranyanswertoherdemandofhisopinion:hewasinareverieoffondreflection,utteringonlynowandthenafewhalf-sentencesofpraise;butwhenhedidawakeandunderstand,hewasverydecidedinopposingwhatshewished。
“Returnthenecklace!No,mydearFanny,uponnoaccount。
Itwouldbemortifyingherseverely。Therecanhardlybeamoreunpleasantsensationthanthehavinganythingreturnedonourhandswhichwehavegivenwithareasonablehopeofitscontributingtothecomfortofafriend。
Whyshouldsheloseapleasurewhichshehasshewnherselfsodeservingof?“
“Ifithadbeengiventomeinthefirstinstance,“
saidFanny,“Ishouldnothavethoughtofreturningit;
butbeingherbrother’spresent,isnotitfairtosupposethatshewouldrathernotpartwithit,whenitisnotwanted?“
“Shemustnotsupposeitnotwanted,notacceptable,atleast:anditshavingbeenoriginallyherbrother’sgiftmakesnodifference;forasshewasnotpreventedfromoffering,noryoufromtakingitonthataccount,itoughtnottopreventyoufromkeepingit。Nodoubtitishandsomerthanmine,andfitterforaballroom。“
“No,itisnothandsomer,notatallhandsomerinitsway,and,formypurpose,nothalfsofit。
ThechainwillagreewithWilliam’scrossbeyondallcomparisonbetterthanthenecklace。“
“Foronenight,Fanny,foronlyonenight,ifit_be_
asacrifice;Iamsureyouwill,uponconsideration,makethatsacrificeratherthangivepaintoonewhohasbeensostudiousofyourcomfort。MissCrawford’sattentionstoyouhavebeen——notmorethanyouwerejustlyentitledto——
Iamthelastpersontothinkthat_could__be_,buttheyhavebeeninvariable;andtobereturningthemwithwhatmusthavesomethingthe_air_ofingratitude,thoughIknowitcouldneverhavethe_meaning_,isnotinyournature,Iamsure。Wearthenecklace,asyouareengagedtodo,to-morrowevening,andletthechain,whichwasnotorderedwithanyreferencetotheball,bekeptforcommoneroccasions。Thisismyadvice。
IwouldnothavetheshadowofacoolnessbetweenthetwowhoseintimacyIhavebeenobservingwiththegreatestpleasure,andinwhosecharactersthereissomuchgeneralresemblanceintruegenerosityandnaturaldelicacyastomakethefewslightdifferences,resultingprincipallyfromsituation,noreasonablehindrancetoaperfectfriendship。Iwouldnothavetheshadowofacoolnessarise,“herepeated,hisvoicesinkingalittle,“betweenthetwodearestobjectsIhaveonearth。“
Hewasgoneashespoke;andFannyremainedtotranquilliseherselfasshecould。Shewasoneofhistwodearest——
thatmustsupporther。Buttheother:thefirst!
Shehadneverheardhimspeaksoopenlybefore,andthoughittoldhernomorethanwhatshehadlongperceived,itwasastab,forittoldofhisownconvictionsandviews。
Theyweredecided。HewouldmarryMissCrawford。
Itwasastab,inspiteofeverylong-standingexpectation;
andshewasobligedtorepeatagainandagain,thatshewasoneofhistwodearest,beforethewordsgaveheranysensation。CouldshebelieveMissCrawfordtodeservehim,itwouldbe——oh,howdifferentwoulditbe——
howfarmoretolerable!Buthewasdeceivedinher:
hegavehermeritswhichshehadnot;herfaultswerewhattheyhadeverbeen,buthesawthemnolonger。
Tillshehadshedmanytearsoverthisdeception,Fannycouldnotsubdueheragitation;andthedejectionwhichfollowedcouldonlyberelievedbytheinfluenceofferventprayersforhishappiness。
Itwasherintention,asshefeltittobeherduty,totrytoovercomeallthatwasexcessive,allthatborderedonselfishness,inheraffectionforEdmund。
Tocallortofancyitaloss,adisappointment,wouldbeapresumptionforwhichshehadnotwordsstrongenoughtosatisfyherownhumility。TothinkofhimasMissCrawfordmightbejustifiedinthinking,wouldinherbeinsanity。
Toherhecouldbenothingunderanycircumstances;
nothingdearerthanafriend。Whydidsuchanideaoccurtoherevenenoughtobereprobatedandforbidden?Itoughtnottohavetouchedontheconfinesofherimagination。
Shewouldendeavourtoberational,andtodeservetherightofjudgingofMissCrawford’scharacter,andtheprivilegeoftruesolicitudeforhimbyasoundintellectandanhonestheart。
Shehadalltheheroismofprinciple,andwasdeterminedtodoherduty;buthavingalsomanyofthefeelingsofyouthandnature,lethernotbemuchwonderedat,if,aftermakingallthesegoodresolutionsonthesideofself-government,sheseizedthescrapofpaperonwhichEdmundhadbegunwritingtoher,asatreasurebeyondallherhopes,andreadingwiththetenderestemotionthesewords,“MyverydearFanny,youmustdomethefavourtoaccept“
lockeditupwiththechain,asthedearestpartofthegift。
Itwastheonlythingapproachingtoaletterwhichshehadeverreceivedfromhim;shemightneverreceiveanother;
itwasimpossiblethatsheevershouldreceiveanothersoperfectlygratifyingintheoccasionandthestyle。
Twolinesmoreprizedhadneverfallenfromthepenofthemostdistinguishedauthor——nevermorecompletelyblessedtheresearchesofthefondestbiographer。
Theenthusiasmofawoman’sloveisevenbeyondthebiographer’s。Toher,thehandwritingitself,independentofanythingitmayconvey,isablessedness。
NeverweresuchcharacterscutbyanyotherhumanbeingasEdmund’scommonesthandwritinggave!Thisspecimen,writteninhasteasitwas,hadnotafault;andtherewasafelicityintheflowofthefirstfourwords,inthearrangementof“MyverydearFanny,“whichshecouldhavelookedatforever。
Havingregulatedherthoughtsandcomfortedherfeelingsbythishappymixtureofreasonandweakness,shewasableinduetimetogodownandresumeherusualemploymentsnearherauntBertram,andpayhertheusualobservanceswithoutanyapparentwantofspirits。
Thursday,predestinedtohopeandenjoyment,came;andopenedwithmorekindnesstoFannythansuchself-willed,unmanageabledaysoftenvolunteer,forsoonafterbreakfastaveryfriendlynotewasbroughtfromMr。CrawfordtoWilliam,statingthatashefoundhimselfobligedtogotoLondononthemorrowforafewdays,hecouldnothelptryingtoprocureacompanion;andthereforehopedthatifWilliamcouldmakeuphismindtoleaveMansfieldhalfadayearlierthanhadbeenproposed,hewouldacceptaplaceinhiscarriage。Mr。Crawfordmeanttobeintownbyhisuncle’saccustomarylatedinner-hour,andWilliamwasinvitedtodinewithhimattheAdmiral’s。
TheproposalwasaverypleasantonetoWilliamhimself,whoenjoyedtheideaoftravellingpostwithfourhorses,andsuchagood-humoured,agreeablefriend;and,inlikeningittogoingupwithdespatches,wassayingatonceeverythinginfavourofitshappinessanddignitywhichhisimaginationcouldsuggest;andFanny,fromadifferentmotive,wasexceedinglypleased;fortheoriginalplanwasthatWilliamshouldgoupbythemailfromNorthamptonthefollowingnight,whichwouldnothaveallowedhimanhour’srestbeforehemusthavegotintoaPortsmouthcoach;
andthoughthisofferofMr。Crawford’swouldrobherofmanyhoursofhiscompany,shewastoohappyinhavingWilliamsparedfromthefatigueofsuchajourney,tothinkofanythingelse。SirThomasapprovedofitforanotherreason。Hisnephew’sintroductiontoAdmiralCrawfordmightbeofservice。TheAdmiral,hebelieved,hadinterest。Uponthewhole,itwasaveryjoyousnote。
Fanny’sspiritslivedonithalfthemorning,derivingsomeaccessionofpleasurefromitswriterbeinghimselftogoaway。
Asfortheball,sonearathand,shehadtoomanyagitationsandfearstohavehalftheenjoymentinanticipationwhichsheoughttohavehad,ormusthavebeensupposedtohavebythemanyyoungladieslookingforwardtothesameeventinsituationsmoreatease,butundercircumstancesoflessnovelty,lessinterest,lesspeculiargratification,thanwouldbeattributedtoher。MissPrice,knownonlybynametohalfthepeopleinvited,wasnowtomakeherfirstappearance,andmustberegardedasthequeenoftheevening。
WhocouldbehappierthanMissPrice?ButMissPricehadnotbeenbroughtuptothetradeof_coming__out_;
andhadsheknowninwhatlightthisballwas,ingeneral,consideredrespectingher,itwouldverymuchhavelessenedhercomfortbyincreasingthefearsshealreadyhadofdoingwrongandbeinglookedat。Todancewithoutmuchobservationoranyextraordinaryfatigue,tohavestrengthandpartnersforabouthalftheevening,todancealittlewithEdmund,andnotagreatdealwithMr。Crawford,toseeWilliamenjoyhimself,andbeabletokeepawayfromherauntNorris,wastheheightofherambition,andseemedtocomprehendhergreatestpossibilityofhappiness。Asthesewerethebestofherhopes,theycouldnotalwaysprevail;