andinthecourseofalongmorning,spentprincipallywithhertwoaunts,shewasoftenundertheinfluenceofmuchlesssanguineviews。William,determinedtomakethislastdayadayofthoroughenjoyment,wasoutsnipe-shooting;Edmund,shehadtoomuchreasontosuppose,wasattheParsonage;andleftalonetobeartheworryingofMrs。Norris,whowascrossbecausethehousekeeperwouldhaveherownwaywiththesupper,andwhom_she_couldnotavoidthoughthehousekeepermight,Fannywasworndownatlasttothinkeverythinganevilbelongingtotheball,andwhensentoffwithapartingworrytodress,movedaslanguidlytowardsherownroom,andfeltasincapableofhappinessasifshehadbeenallowednoshareinit。
Asshewalkedslowlyupstairsshethoughtofyesterday;
ithadbeenaboutthesamehourthatshehadreturnedfromtheParsonage,andfoundEdmundintheEastroom。
“SupposeIweretofindhimthereagainto-day!“saidshetoherself,inafondindulgenceoffancy。
“Fanny,“saidavoiceatthatmomentnearher。
Startingandlookingup,shesaw,acrossthelobbyshehadjustreached,Edmundhimself,standingattheheadofadifferentstaircase。Hecametowardsher。“Youlooktiredandfagged,Fanny。Youhavebeenwalkingtoofar。“
“No,Ihavenotbeenoutatall。“
“Thenyouhavehadfatigueswithindoors,whichareworse。
Youhadbetterhavegoneout。“
Fanny,notlikingtocomplain,founditeasiesttomakenoanswer;andthoughhelookedatherwithhisusualkindness,shebelievedhehadsoonceasedtothinkofhercountenance。
Hedidnotappearinspirits:somethingunconnectedwithherwasprobablyamiss。Theyproceededupstairstogether,theirroomsbeingonthesamefloorabove。
“IcomefromDr。Grant’s,“saidEdmundpresently。
“Youmayguessmyerrandthere,Fanny。“Andhelookedsoconscious,thatFannycouldthinkbutofoneerrand,whichturnedhertoosickforspeech。“IwishedtoengageMissCrawfordforthetwofirstdances,“wastheexplanationthatfollowed,andbroughtFannytolifeagain,enablingher,asshefoundshewasexpectedtospeak,touttersomethinglikeaninquiryastotheresult。
“Yes,“heanswered,“sheisengagedtome;but“withasmilethatdidnotsiteasy“shesaysitistobethelasttimethatsheeverwilldancewithme。Sheisnotserious。
Ithink,Ihope,Iamsuresheisnotserious;butIwouldrathernothearit。Sheneverhasdancedwithaclergyman,shesays,andshenever_will_。Formyownsake,Icouldwishtherehadbeennoballjustat——Imeannotthisveryweek,thisveryday;to-morrowIleavehome。“
Fannystruggledforspeech,andsaid,“Iamverysorrythatanythinghasoccurredtodistressyou。Thisoughttobeadayofpleasure。Myunclemeantitso。“
“Ohyes,yes!anditwillbeadayofpleasure。
Itwillallendright。Iamonlyvexedforamoment。
Infact,itisnotthatIconsidertheballasill-timed;
whatdoesitsignify?But,Fanny,“stoppingher,bytakingherhand,andspeakinglowandseriously,“youknowwhatallthismeans。Youseehowitis;
andcouldtellme,perhapsbetterthanIcouldtellyou,howandwhyIamvexed。Letmetalktoyoualittle。
Youareakind,kindlistener。Ihavebeenpainedbyhermannerthismorning,andcannotgetthebetterofit。Iknowherdispositiontobeassweetandfaultlessasyourown,buttheinfluenceofherformercompanionsmakesherseem——givestoherconversation,toherprofessedopinions,sometimesatingeofwrong。
Shedoesnot_think_evil,butshespeaksit,speaksitinplayfulness;andthoughIknowittobeplayfulness,itgrievesmetothesoul。“
“Theeffectofeducation,“saidFannygently。
Edmundcouldnotbutagreetoit。“Yes,thatuncleandaunt!
Theyhaveinjuredthefinestmind;forsometimes,Fanny,Iowntoyou,itdoesappearmorethanmanner:
itappearsasiftheminditselfwastainted。“
Fannyimaginedthistobeanappealtoherjudgment,andtherefore,afteramoment’sconsideration,said,“Ifyouonlywantmeasalistener,cousin,IwillbeasusefulasIcan;butIamnotqualifiedforanadviser。
Donotaskadviceof_me_。Iamnotcompetent。“
“Youareright,Fanny,toprotestagainstsuchanoffice,butyouneednotbeafraid。ItisasubjectonwhichI
shouldneveraskadvice;itisthesortofsubjectonwhichithadbetterneverbeasked;andfew,Iimagine,doaskit,butwhentheywanttobeinfluencedagainsttheirconscience。Ionlywanttotalktoyou。“
“Onethingmore。Excusetheliberty;buttakecare_how_youtalktome。Donottellmeanythingnow,whichhereafteryoumaybesorryfor。Thetimemaycome——“
Thecolourrushedintohercheeksasshespoke。
“DearestFanny!“criedEdmund,pressingherhandtohislipswithalmostasmuchwarmthasifithadbeenMissCrawford’s,“youareallconsideratethought!
Butitisunnecessaryhere。Thetimewillnevercome。
Nosuchtimeasyoualludetowillevercome。Ibegintothinkitmostimprobable:thechancesgrowlessandless;
andevenifitshould,therewillbenothingtoberememberedbyeitheryouormethatweneedbeafraidof,forIcanneverbeashamedofmyownscruples;andiftheyareremoved,itmustbebychangesthatwillonlyraisehercharacterthemorebytherecollectionofthefaultssheoncehad。YouaretheonlybeinguponearthtowhomIshouldsaywhatIhavesaid;butyouhavealwaysknownmyopinionofher;youcanbearmewitness,Fanny,thatI
haveneverbeenblinded。Howmanyatimehavewetalkedoverherlittleerrors!Youneednotfearme;
Ihavealmostgivenupeveryseriousideaofher;
butImustbeablockheadindeed,if,whateverbefellme,Icouldthinkofyourkindnessandsympathywithoutthesincerestgratitude。“
Hehadsaidenoughtoshaketheexperienceofeighteen。
HehadsaidenoughtogiveFannysomehappierfeelingsthanshehadlatelyknown,andwithabrighterlook,sheanswered,“Yes,cousin,Iamconvincedthat_you_
wouldbeincapableofanythingelse,thoughperhapssomemightnot。Icannotbeafraidofhearinganythingyouwishtosay。Donotcheckyourself。Tellmewhateveryoulike。“
Theywerenowonthesecondfloor,andtheappearanceofahousemaidpreventedanyfartherconversation。
ForFanny’spresentcomfortitwasconcluded,perhaps,atthehappiestmoment:hadhebeenabletotalkanotherfiveminutes,thereisnosayingthathemightnothavetalkedawayallMissCrawford’sfaultsandhisowndespondence。
Butasitwas,theypartedwithlooksonhissideofgratefulaffection,andwithsomeveryprecioussensationsonhers。Shehadfeltnothinglikeitforhours。
SincethefirstjoyfromMr。Crawford’snotetoWilliamhadwornaway,shehadbeeninastateabsolutelythereverse;
therehadbeennocomfortaround,nohopewithinher。
Noweverythingwassmiling。William’sgoodfortunereturnedagainuponhermind,andseemedofgreatervaluethanatfirst。Theball,too——suchaneveningofpleasurebeforeher!Itwasnowarealanimation;
andshebegantodressforitwithmuchofthehappyflutterwhichbelongstoaball。Allwentwell:
shedidnotdislikeherownlooks;andwhenshecametothenecklacesagain,hergoodfortuneseemedcomplete,forupontrialtheonegivenherbyMissCrawfordwouldbynomeansgothroughtheringofthecross。Shehad,toobligeEdmund,resolvedtowearit;butitwastoolargeforthepurpose。His,therefore,mustbeworn;
andhaving,withdelightfulfeelings,joinedthechainandthecross——thosememorialsofthetwomostbelovedofherheart,thosedearesttokenssoformedforeachotherbyeverythingrealandimaginary——andputthemroundherneck,andseenandfelthowfullofWilliamandEdmundtheywere,shewasable,withoutaneffort,toresolveonwearingMissCrawford’snecklacetoo。
Sheacknowledgedittoberight。MissCrawfordhadaclaim;
andwhenitwasnolongertoencroachon,tointerferewiththestrongerclaims,thetruerkindnessofanother,shecoulddoherjusticeevenwithpleasuretoherself。
Thenecklacereallylookedverywell;andFannyleftherroomatlast,comfortablysatisfiedwithherselfandallabouther。
HerauntBertramhadrecollectedheronthisoccasionwithanunusualdegreeofwakefulness。Ithadreallyoccurredtoher,unprompted,thatFanny,preparingforaball,mightbegladofbetterhelpthantheupperhousemaid’s,andwhendressedherself,sheactuallysentherownmaidtoassisther;toolate,ofcourse,tobeofanyuse。