ItwastothisbreezyandwhimsicalspotthatJudeascendedfromtheneareststationforthefirsttimeinhislifeaboutfouro’clockoneafternoon,andenteringonthesummitofthepeakafteratoilsomeclimb,passedthefirsthousesoftheaerialtown;anddrewtowardstheschool-house。
Thehourwastooearly;thepupilswerestillinschool,hummingsmall,likeaswarmofgnats;andhewithdrewafewstepsalongAbbeyWalk,whenceheregardedthespotwhichfatehadmadethehomeofallhelovedbestintheworld。Infrontoftheschools,whichwereextensiveandstone-built,grewtwoenormousbeecheswithsmoothmouse-colouredtrunks,assuchtreeswillonlygrowonchalkuplands。Withinthemullionedandtransomedwindowshecouldseetheblack,brown,andflaxencrownsofthescholarsoverthesills,andtopassthetimeawayhewalkeddowntothelevelterracewheretheabbeygardensoncehadspread,hisheartthrobbinginspiteofhim。
Unwillingtoentertillthechildrenweredismissedheremainedheretillyoungvoicescouldbeheardintheopenair,andgirlsinwhitepinaforesoverredandbluefrocksappeareddancingalongthepathswhichtheabbess,prioress,subprioress,andfiftynunshaddemurelypacedthreecenturiesearlier。Retracinghisstepshefoundthathehadwaitedtoolong,andthatSuehadgoneoutintothetownattheheelsofthelastscholar,Mr。Phillotsonhavingbeenabsentalltheafternoonatateachers’
meetingatShottsford。
Judewentintotheemptyschoolroomandsatdown,thegirlwhowassweepingthefloorhavinginformedhimthatMrs。Phillotsonwouldbebackagaininafewminutes。Apianostoodnear-actuallytheoldpianothatPhillotsonhadpossessedatMarygreen-andthoughthedarkafternoonalmostpreventedhimseeingthenotesJudetouchedtheminhishumbleway,andcouldnothelpmodulatingintothehymnwhichhadsoaffectedhiminthepreviousweek。
Afiguremovedbehindhim,andthinkingitwasstillthegirlwiththebroomJudetooknonotice,tillthepersoncamecloseandlaidherfingerslightlyuponhisbasshand。Theimposedhandwasalittleoneheseemedtoknow,andheturned。
`Don’tstop,’saidSue。`Ilikeit。IlearntitbeforeIleftMelchester。Theyusedtoplayitinthetrainingschool。’
`Ican’tstrumbeforeyou!Playitforme。’
`Ohwell-Idon’tmind。’
Suesatdown,andherrenderingofthepiece,thoughnotremarkable,seemeddivineascomparedwithhisown。She,likehim,wasevidentlytouched-toherownsurprise-bytherecalledair;andwhenshehadfinished,andhemovedhishandtowardshers,itmethisownhalf-way。Judegraspedit-justashehaddonebeforehermarriage。
`Itisodd,’shesaid,inavoicequitechanged,`thatIshouldcareaboutthatair;because——’
`Becausewhat?’
`Iamnotthatsort-quite。’
`Noteasilymoved?’
`Ididn’tquitemeanthat。’
`Oh,butyouareoneofthatsort,foryouarejustlikemeatheart!’
`Butnotathead。’
Sheplayedonandsuddenlyturnedround;andbyanunpremeditatedinstincteachclaspedtheother’shandagain。
Sheutteredaforcedlittlelaughassherelinquishedhisquickly。
`Howfunny!’shesaid。`Iwonderwhatwebothdidthatfor?’
`Isupposebecausewearebothalike,asIsaidbefore。’
`Notinourthoughts!Perhapsalittleinourfeelings。’
`Andtheyrulethoughts……Isn’titenoughtomakeoneblasphemethatthecomposerofthathymnisoneofthemostcommonplacemenIevermet!’
`What-youknowhim?’
`Iwenttoseehim。’
`Oh,yougoose-todojustwhatIshouldhavedone!Whydidyou?’
`Becausewearenotalike,’hesaiddrily。
`Nowwe’llhavesometea,’saidSue。`Shallwehaveithereinsteadofinmyhouse?Itisnotroubletogetthekettleandthingsbroughtin。
Wedon’tliveattheschoolyouknow,butinthatancientdwellingacrossthewaycalledOld-GrovePlace。Itissoantiqueanddismalthatitdepressesmedreadfully。Suchhousesareverywelltovisit,butnottolivein-
Ifeelcrushedintotheearthbytheweightofsomanypreviouslivestherespent。Inanewplaceliketheseschoolsthereisonlyyourownlifetosupport。Sitdown,andI’lltellAdatobringthetea-thingsacross。’
Hewaitedinthelightofthestove,thedoorofwhichsheflungopenbeforegoingout,andwhenshereturned,followedbythemaidenwithtea,theysatdownbythesamelight,assistedbytheblueraysofaspirit-lampunderthebrasskettleonthestand。
`Thisisoneofyourwedding-presentstome,’shesaid,signifyingthelatter。
`Yes,’saidJude。
Thekettleofhisgiftsangwithsomesatireinitsnote,tohismind;andtochangethesubjecthesaid,`DoyouknowofanygoodreadableeditionoftheuncanonicalbooksoftheNewTestament?Youdon’treadthemintheschoolIsuppose?’
`Ohdearno!-’twouldalarmtheneighbourhood……Yes,thereisone。Iamnotfamiliarwithitnow,thoughIwasinterestedinitwhenmyformerfriendwasalive。Cowper’sApocryphalGospels。’
`ThatsoundslikewhatIwant。’Histhoughts,howeverrevertedwithatwingetothe`formerfriend’-bywhomshemeant,asheknew,theuniversitycomradeofherearlierdays。HewonderedifshetalkedofhimtoPhillotson。
`TheGospelofNicodemusisverynice,’shewentontokeephimfromhisjealousthoughts,whichshereadclearly,asshealwaysdid。Indeedwhentheytalkedonanindifferentsubject,asnow,therewaseverasecondsilentconversationpassingbetweentheiremotions,soperfectwasthereciprocitybetweenthem。`Itisquitelikethegenuinearticle。Allcutupintoverses,too;sothatitislikeoneoftheotherevangelistsreadinadream,whenthingsarethesame,yetnotthesame。But,Jude,doyoutakeaninterestinthosequestionsstill?AreyougettingupApologetica?’
`Yes。IamreadingDivinityharderthanever。’
Sheregardedhimcuriously。
`Whydoyoulookatmelikethat?’saidJude。
`Oh-whydoyouwanttoknow?’
`IamsureyoucantellmeanythingImaybeignorantofinthatsubject。Youmusthavelearntalotofeverythingfromyourdeardeadfriend!’
`Wewon’tgetontothatnow!’shecoaxed。`Willyoubecarvingoutatthatchurchagainnextweek,whereyoulearnttheprettyhymn?’
`Yes,perhaps。’
`Thatwillbeverynice。ShallIcomeandseeyouthere?Itisinthisdirection,andIcouldcomeanyafternoonbytrainforhalfanhour?’
`No。Don’tcome!’
`What-aren’twegoingtobefriends,then,anylonger,asweusedtobe?’
`No。’
`Ididn’tknowthat。Ithoughtyouwerealwaysgoingtobekindtome!’
`No,Iamnot。’
`WhathaveIdone,then?IamsureIthoughtwetwo——’Thetremoloinhervoicecausedhertobreakoff。
`Sue,Isometimesthinkyouareaflirt,’saidheabruptly。
Therewasamomentarypause,tillshesuddenlyjumpedup;andtohissurprisehesawbythekettle-flamethatherfacewasflushed。
`Ican’ttalktoyouanylonger,Jude!’shesaid,thetragiccontraltonotehavingcomebackasofold。`Itisgettingtoodarktostaytogetherlikethis,afterplayingmorbidGoodFridaytunesthatmakeonefeelwhatoneshouldn’t!……Wemustn’tsitandtalkinthiswayanymore。Yes-
youmustgoaway,foryoumistakeme!Iamverymuchthereverseofwhatyousaysocruelly-Oh,Jude,itwascrueltosaythat!YetIcan’ttellyouthetruth-IshouldshockyoubylettingyouknowhowIgivewaytomyimpulses,andhowmuchIfeelthatIshouldn’thavebeenprovidedwithattractivenessunlessitweremeanttobeexercised!Somewomen’sloveofbeinglovedisinsatiable;andso,often,istheirloveofloving;
andinthelastcasetheymayfindthattheycan’tgiveitcontinuouslytothechamber-officerappointedbythebishop’slicencetoreceiveit。
Butyouaresostraightforward,Jude,thatyoucan’tunderstandme!……
Nowyoumustgo。Iamsorrymyhusbandisnotathome。’
`Areyou?’
`IperceiveIhavesaidthatinmereconvention!HonestlyIdon’tthinkIamsorry。Itdoesnotmatter,eitherway,sadtosay!’
Astheyhadoverdonethegraspofhandssometimesooner,shetouchedhisfingersbutlightlywhenhewentoutnow。Hehadhardlygonefromthedoorwhen,withadissatisfiedlook,shejumpedonaformandopenedtheironcasementofawindowbeneathwhichhewaspassinginthepathwithout。`Whendoyouleaveheretocatchyourtrain,Jude?’sheasked。
Helookedupinsomesurprise。`Thecoachthatrunstomeetitgoesinthree-quartersofanhourorso。’
`Whatwillyoudowithyourselfforthetime?’
`Oh-wanderabout,Isuppose。PerhapsIshallgoandsitintheoldchurch。’
`Itdoesseemhardofmetopackyouoffso!Youhavethoughtenoughofchurches,Heavenknows,withoutgoingintooneinthedark。Staythere。’
`Where?’
`Whereyouare。Icantalktoyoubetterlikethisthanwhenyouwereinside……Itwassokindandtenderofyoutogiveuphalfaday’sworktocometoseeme!……YouareJosephthedreamerofdreams,dearJude。AndatragicDonQuixote。AndsometimesyouareSt。Stephen,who,whiletheywerestoninghim,couldseeHeavenopened。Oh,mypoorfriendandcomrade,you’llsufferyet!’
Nowthatthehighwindow-sillwasbetweenthem,sothathecouldnotgetather,sheseemednottomindindulginginafranknessshehadfearedatclosequarters。
`Ihavebeenthinking,’shecontinued,stillinthetoneofonebrimfuloffeeling,`thatthesocialmouldscivilizationfitsusintohavenomorerelationtoouractualshapesthantheconventionalshapesoftheconstellationshavetotherealstar-patterns。IamcalledMrs。RichardPhillotson,livingacalmweddedlifewithmycounterpartofthatname。
ButIamnotreallyMrs。RichardPhillotson,butawomantossedabout,allalone,withaberrantpassions,andunaccountableantipathies……Nowyoumustn’twaitlonger,oryouwilllosethecoach。Comeandseemeagain。
Youmustcometothehousethen。’
`Yes!’saidJude。`Whenshallitbe?’
`To-morrowweek。Good-bye-good-bye!’Shestretchedoutherhandandstrokedhisforeheadpitifully-justonce。Judesaidgood-bye,andwentawayintothedarkness。
PassingalongBimportStreethethoughtheheardthewheelsofthecoachdeparting,and,trulyenough,whenhereachedtheDuke’sArmsintheMarketPlacethecoachhadgone。Itwasimpossibleforhimtogettothestationonfootintimeforthistrain,andhesettledhimselfperforcetowaitforthenext-thelasttoMelchesterthatnight。