ZINAIDA。Hismisfortuneshavealmostruinedhim，poorman。Hisaffairsareinafrightfulcondition。IfBorkindidnottakesuchgoodchargeofhisestateheandhisJewesswouldsoonbestarvingtodeath。[Shesighs]Andwhatanxietyhehascausedus！
　　Heavenonlyknowshowwehavesuffered。Doyourealise，mydear，thatforthreeyearshehasowedusninethousandroubles？
　　MARTHA。[Horrified]Ninethousand！
　　ZINAIDA。Yes，thatisthesumthatmydearPaulhasundertakentolendhim。Heneverknowstowhomitissafetolendmoneyandtowhomitisnot。Idon’tworryabouttheprincipal，butheoughttopaytheinterestonhisdebt。
　　SASHA。[Hotly]Mamma，youhavealreadydiscussedthissubjectatleastathousandtimes！
　　ZINAIDA。Whatdifferencedoesitmaketoyou？Whyshouldyouinterfere？
　　SASHA。Whatisthismaniayouallhaveforgossipingaboutamanwhohasneverdoneanyofyouanyharm？Tellme，whatharmhashedoneyou？
　　THIRDGUEST。Letmesaytwowords，MissSasha。IesteemIvanoff，andhavealwaysfoundhimanhonourableman，but，betweenourselves，Ialsoconsiderhimanadventurer。
　　SASHA。Icongratulateyouonyouropinion！
　　THIRDGUEST。Inproofofitstruth，permitmetopresenttoyouthefollowingfacts，astheywerecommunicatedtomebyhissecretary，orshallIsayrather，byhisfactotum，Borkin。Twoyearsago，atthetimeofthecattleplague，heboughtsomecattleandhadtheminsured——
　　ZINAIDA。Yes，Irememberhearing’ofthat。
　　THIRDGUEST。Hehadtheminsured，asyouunderstand，andtheninoculatedthemwiththediseaseandclaimedtheinsurance。
　　SASHA。Oh，whatnonsense，nonsense，nonsense！Nooneboughtorinoculatedanycattle！ThestorywasinventedbyBorkin，whothenwentaboutboastingofhiscleverplan。IvanoffwouldnotforgiveBorkinfortwoweeksafterheheardofit。Heisonlyguiltyofaweakcharacterandtoogreatfaithinhumanity。Hecan’tmakeuphismindtogetridofthatBorkin，andsoallhispossessionshavebeentrickedandstolenfromhim。EveryonewhohashadanythingtodowithIvanoffhastakenadvantageofhisgenerositytogrowrich。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Sasha，youlittlefirebrand，thatwilldo！
　　SASHA。Whydoyoualltalklikethis？ThiseternalsubjectofIvanoff，Ivanoff，andalwaysIvanoffhasgrowninsufferable，andyetyouneverspeakofanythingelse。[Shegoestowardthedoor，thenstopsandcomesback]Iamsurprised，[Totheyoungmen]andutterlyastonishedatyourpatience，youngmen！Howcanyousittherelikethat？Aren’tyoubored？Why，theveryairisasdullasditchwater！Do，forheaven’ssakesaysomething；trytoamusethegirlsalittle，moveabout！Orifyoucan’ttalkofanythingexceptIvanoff，youmightlaughorsingordance——-
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Laughing]That’sright，Sasha！Givethemagoodscolding。
　　SASHA。Lookhere，willyoudomeafavour？Ifyourefusetodanceorsingorlaugh，ifallthatistedious，thenletmebegyou，imploreyou，tosummonallyourpowers，ifonlyforthisonce，andmakeonewittyorcleverremark。Letitbeasimpertinentandmaliciousasyoulike，solongasitisfunnyandoriginal。Won’tyouperformthismiracle，justonce，tosurpriseusandmakeuslaugh？Orelseyoumightthinkofsomelittlethingwhichyoucouldalldotogether，somethingtomakeyoustirabout。Letthegirlsadmireyouforonceintheirlives！Listentome！Isupposeyouwantthemtolikeyou？Thenwhydon’ttrytomakethemdoit？
　　Oh，dear！Thereissomethingwrongwithyouall！Youarealotofsleepystick-in-the-muds！Ihavetoldyousoathousandtimesandshallalwaysgoonrepeatingit；thereissomethingwrongwitheveryoneofyou；somethingwrong，wrong，wrong！
　　EnterIVANOFFandSHABELSKIthroughthedoorontheright。
　　SHABELSKI。Whoismakingaspeechhere？Isityou，Sasha？[Helaughsandshakeshandswithher]Manyhappyreturnsoftheday，mydearchild。Mayyouliveaslongaspossibleinthislife，butneverbebornagain！
　　ZINAIDA。[Joyfully]MydearCount！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Whocanthisbe？Notyou，Count？
　　SHABELSKI。[SeesZINAIDAandMARTHAsittingsidebyside]Twogoldminessidebyside！Whatapleasantpictureitmakes！[HeshakeshandswithZINAIDA]Goodevening，Zuzu！[ShakeshandswithMARTHA]Goodevening，Birdie！
　　ZINAIDA。Iamcharmedtoseeyou，Count。Youareararevisitorherenow。[Calls]Gabriel，bringsometea！Pleasesitdown。
　　Shegetsupandgoestothedoorandback，evidentlymuchpreoccupied。SASHAsitsdowninherformerplace。IVANOFF
　　silentlyshakeshandswitheveryone。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[ToSHABELSKI]Whatmiraclehasbroughtyouhere？Youhavegivenusagreatsurprise。Why，Count，you’rearascal，youhaven’tbeentreatingusrightatall。[Leadshimforwardbythehand]Tellme，whydon’tyouevercometoseeusnow？Areyouoffended？
　　SHABELSKI。HowcanIgetheretoseeyou？Astrideabroomstick？I
　　havenohorsesofmyown，andNicholaswon’ttakemewithhimwhenhegoesout。HesaysImuststayathometoamuseSarah。
　　SendyourhorsesformeandIshallcomewithpleasure。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Withawaveofthehand]Oh，thatiseasytosay！
　　ButZuzuwouldratherhaveafitthanlendthehorsestoanyone。
　　Mydear，dearoldfriend，youaremoretomethananyoneIknow！
　　YouandIaresurvivorsofthosegoodolddaysthataregoneforever，andyoualonebringbacktomymindtheloveandlongingsofmylostyouth。OfcourseIamonlyjoking，andyet，doyouknow，Iamalmostintears？
　　SHABELSKI。Stop，stop！Yousmellliketheairofawinecellar。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Dearfriend，youcannotimaginehowlonelyIamwithoutmyoldcompanions！Icouldhangmyself！[Whispers]Zuzuhasfrightenedallthedecentmenawaywithherstingyways，andnowwehaveonlythisriff-raff，asyousee：Tom，Dick，andHarry。However，drinkyourtea。
　　ZINAIDA。[Anxiously，toGABRIEL]Don’tbringitinlikethat！Gofetchsomejamtoeatwithit！
　　SHABELSKI。[Laughingloudly，toIVANOFF]Didn’tItellyouso？
　　[ToLEBEDIEFF]Ibethimdrivingover，thatassoonaswearrivedZuzuwouldwanttofeeduswithjam！
　　ZINAIDA。Stilljoking，Count！[Shesitsdown。]
　　LEBEDIEFF。Shemadetwentyjarsofitthisyear，andhowelsedoyouexpecthertogetridofit？
　　SHABELSKI。[Sitsdownnearthetable]Areyoustilladdingtothehoard，Zuzu？Youwillsoonhaveamillion，eh？
　　ZINAIDA。[Sighing]Iknowitseemsasifnoonecouldbericherthanwe，butwheredotheythinkthemoneycomesfrom？Itisallgossip。
　　SHABELSKI。Oh，yes，weallknowthat！Weknowhowbadlyyouplayyourcards！Tellme，Paul，honestly，haveyousavedupamillionyet？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Idon’tknow。AskZuzu。
　　SHABELSKI。[ToMARTHA]AndmyplumplittleBirdieherewillsoonhaveamilliontoo！Sheisgettingprettierandplumpernotonlyeveryday，buteveryhour。Thatmeansshehasanicelittlefortune。
　　MARTHA。Thankyouverymuch，yourhighness，butIdon’tlikesuchjokes。
　　SHABELSKI。Mydearlittlegoldmine，doyoucallthatajoke？Itwasawailofthesoul，acryfromtheheart，thatburstthroughmylips。MyloveforyouandZuzuisimmense。[Gaily]Oh，rapture！Oh，bliss！Icannotlookatyoutwowithoutamadlybeatingheart！
　　ZINAIDA。Youarestillthesame，Count。[ToGEORGE]Putoutthecandlesplease，George。[GEORGEgivesastart。Heputsoutthecandlesandsitsdownagain]Howisyourwife，Nicholas？
　　IVANOFF。Sheisveryill。Thedoctorsaidto-daythatshecertainlyhadconsumption。
　　ZINAIDA。Really？Oh，howsad！[Shesighs]Andweareallsofondofher！
　　SHABELSKI。Whattrashyoualltalk！Thatstorywasinventedbythatshamdoctor，andisnothingbutatrickofhis。HewantstomasqueradeasanAesculapius，andsohasstartedthisconsumptiontheory。Fortunatelyherhusbandisn’tjealous。[IVANOFFmakesaninpatientgesture]AsforSarah，Iwouldn’ttrustawordoranactionofhers。Ihavemadeapointallmylifeofmistrustingalldoctors，lawyers，andwomen。Theyareshammersanddeceivers。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[ToSHABELSKI]Youareanextraordinaryperson，Matthew！Youhavemountedthismisanthropichobbyofyours，andyourideitthroughthickandthinlikealunaticYouareamanlikeanyother，andyet，fromthewayyoutalkonewouldimaginethatyouhadthepip，oracoldinthehead。
　　SHABELSKI。WouldyouhavemegoaboutkissingeveryrascalandscoundrelImeet？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Wheredoyoufindalltheserascalsandscoundrels？
　　SHABELSKI。OfcourseIamnottalkingofanyoneherepresent，nevertheless————
　　LEBEDIEFF。Thereyouareagainwithyour"nevertheless。"Allthisissimplyafancyofyours。
　　SHABELSKI。Afancy？Itisluckyforyouthatyouhavenoknowledgeoftheworld！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Myknowledgeoftheworldisthis：Imustsitherepreparedatanymomenttohavedeathcomeknockingatthedoor。
　　Thatismyknowledgeoftheworld。Atourage，brother，youandI
　　can’taffordtoworryaboutknowledgeoftheworld。Sothen——[Hecalls]Oh，Gabriel！
　　SHABELSKI。Youhavehadquiteenoughalready。Lookatyournose。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Nomatter，oldboy。Iamnotgoingtobemarriedto-day。
　　ZINAIDA。DoctorLvoffhasnotbeenhereforalongtime。Heseemstohaveforgottenus。
　　SASHA。Thatmanisoneofmyaversions。Ican’tstandhisicysenseofhonour。Hecan’taskforaglassofwaterorsmokeacigarettewithoutmakingadisplayofhisremarkablehonesty。
　　Walkingandtalking，itiswrittenonhisbrow："Iamanhonestman。"Heisagreatbore。
　　SHABELSKI。Heisanarrow-minded，conceitedmedico。[Angrily]Heshriekslikeaparrotateverystep："Makewayforhonestendeavour！"andthinkshimselfanotherSt。Francis。Everybodyisarascalwhodoesn’tmakeasmuchnoiseashedoes。Asforhispenetration，itissimplyremarkable！Ifapeasantiswelloffandlivesdecently，heseesatoncethathemustbeathiefandascoundrel。IfIwearavelvetcoatandamdressedbymyvalet，I
　　amarascalandthevaletismyslave。Thereisnoplaceinthisworldforamanlikehim。Iamactuallyafraidofhim。Yes，indeed，heislikely，outofasenseofduty，toinsultamanatanymomentandtocallhimaknave。
　　IVANOFF。Iamdreadfullytiredofhim，butIcan’thelplikinghim，too，heissosincere。
　　SHABELSKI。Oh，yes，hissincerityisbeautiful！Hecameuptomeyesterdayeveningandremarkedabsolutelyaproposofnothing：
　　"Count，Ihaveadeepaversiontoyou！"Itisn’tasifhesaidsuchthingssimply，buttheyareextremelypointed。Hisvoicetrembles，hiseyesflash，hisveinsswell。Confoundhisinfernalhonesty！SupposingIamdisgustingandodioustohim？Whatismorenatural？IknowthatIam，butIdon’tliketobetoldsotomyface。Iamaworthlessoldman，buthemighthavethedecencytorespectmygreyhairs。Oh，whatstupid，heartlesshonesty！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Come，come，youhavebeenyoungyourself，andshouldmakeallowancesforhim。
　　SHABELSKI。Yes，Ihavebeenyoungandreckless；Ihaveplayedthefoolinmydayandhaveseenplentyofknavesandscamps，butI
　　havenevercalledathiefathieftohisface，ortalkedofropesinthehouseofamanwhohadbeenhung。Iknewhowtobehave，butthisidioticdoctorofyourswouldthinkhimselfintheseventhheavenofhappinessiffatewouldallowhimtopullmynoseinpublicinthenameofmoralityandhumanideals。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Youngmenareallstubbornandrestive。Ihadanuncleoncewhothoughthimselfaphilosopher。Hewouldfillhishousewithguests，andafterhehadhadadrinkhewouldgetuponachair，likethis，andbegin："Youignoramuses！Youpowersofdarkness！Thisisthedawnofanewlife！"Andsoonandsoon；
　　hewouldpreachandpreach——-
　　SASHA。Andtheguests？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Theywouldjustsitandlistenandgoondrinking。
　　Once，though，Ichallengedhimtoaduel，challengedmyownuncle！ItcameoutofadiscussionaboutSirFrancisBacon。Iwassitting，Iremember，whereMatthewis，andmyuncleandthelateGerasimNilitchwerestandingoverthere，aboutwhereNicholasisnow。Well，GerasimNilitchpropoundedthisquestion——-
　　EnterBORKIN。Heisdressedlikeadandyandcarriesaparcelunderhisarm。Hecomesinsingingandskippingthroughthedoorontheright。Amurmurofapprovalisheard。
　　THEGIRLS。Oh，MichaelBorkin！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Hallo，Misha！
　　SHABELSKI。Thesoulofthecompany！
　　BORKIN。Hereweare！[HerunsuptoSASHA]MostnobleSignorina，letmebesoboldastowishtothewholeworldmanyhappyreturnsofthebirthdayofsuchanexquisiteflowerasyou！AsatokenofmyenthusiasmletmepresumetopresentyouwiththesefireworksandthisBengalfireofmyownmanufacture。[Hehandshertheparcel]Maytheyilluminatethenightasbrightlyasyouilluminatetheshadowsofthisdarkworld。[Hespreadsthemouttheatricallybeforeher。]
　　SASHA。Thankyou。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Laughingloudly，toIVANOFF]Whydon’tyousendthisJudaspacking？
　　BORKIN。[ToLEBEDIEFF]Mycomplimentstoyou，sir。[ToIVANOFF]
　　Howareyou，mypatron？[Sings]Nicholasvoila，heyhohey！[Hegreetseverybodyinturn]MosthighlyhonouredZinaida！Oh，gloriousMartha！MostancientAvdotia！NoblestofCounts！
　　SHABELSKI。[Laughing]Thelifeofthecompany！Themomenthecomesintheairfeelslivelier。Haveyounoticedit？
　　BORKIN。Whew！Iamtired！IbelieveIhaveshakenhandswitheverybody。Well，ladiesandgentlemen，haven’tyousomelittletidbittotellme；somethingspicy？[SpeakingquicklytoZINAIDA]
　　Oh，aunty！Ihavesomethingtotellyou。AsIwasonmywayhere——[ToGABRIEL]Sometea，pleaseGabriel，butwithoutjam——asIwasonmywayhereIsawsomepeasantsdownontheriver-bankpullingthebarkoffthetrees。Whydon’tyouleasethatmeadow？
　　LEBEDIEFF。[ToIVANOFF]Whydon’tyousendthatJudasaway？
　　ZINAIDA。[Startled]Why，thatisquitetrue！Ineverthoughtofit。
　　BORKIN。[Swinginghisarms]Ican’tsitstill！Whattricksshallwebeuptonext，aunty？Iamallonedge，Martha，absolutelyexalted。[Hesings]
　　"OncemoreIstandbeforethee！"
　　ZINAIDA。Thinkofsomethingtoamuseus，Misha，weareallbored。
　　BORKIN。Yes，youlookso。Whatisthematterwithyouall？Whyareyousittingthereassolemnasajury？Come，letusplaysomething；whatshallitbe？Forfeits？Hide-and-seek？Tag？Shallwedance，orhavethefireworks？
　　THEGIRLS。[Clappingtheirhands]Thefireworks！Thefireworks！
　　[Theyrunintothegarden。]
　　SASHA。[ToIVANOFF]Whatmakesyousodepressedtoday？
　　IVANOFF。Myheadaches，littleSasha，andthenIfeelbored。
　　SASHA。Comeintothesitting-roomwithme。
　　Theygooutthroughthedoorontheright。AlltheguestsgointothegardenandZINAIDAandLEBEDIEFFareleftalone。
　　ZINAIDA。ThatiswhatIliketosee！AyoungmanlikeMishacomesintotheroomandinaminutehehaseverybodylaughing。[Sheputsoutthelargelamp]Thereisnoreasonthecandlesshouldburnfornothingsolongastheyareallinthegarden。[Sheblowsoutthecandles。]
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Followingher]Wereallyoughttogiveourguestssomethingtoeat，Zuzu！
　　ZINAIDA。Whatcrowdsofcandles；nowonderwearethoughtrich。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Stillfollowingher]Doletthemhavesomethingtoeat，Zuzu；theyareyoungandmustbehungrybynow，poorthings——Zuzu！
　　ZINAIDA。TheCountdidnotfinishhistea，andallthatsugarhasbeenwasted。[Goesoutthroughthedoorontheleft。]
　　LEBEDIEFF。Bah！[Goesoutintothegarden。]
　　EnterIVANOFFandSASHAthroughthedoorontheright。
　　IVANOFF。Thisishowitis，Sasha：Iusedtoworkhardandthinkhard，andnevertire；now，Ineitherdoanythingnorthinkanything，andIamweary，bodyandsoul。IfeelIamterriblytoblame，myconscienceleavesmenopeacedayornight，andyetI
　　can’tseeclearlyexactlywhatmymistakesare。Andnowcomesmywife’sillness，ourpoverty，thiseternalbackbiting，gossiping，chattering，thatfoolishBorkin——Myhomehasbecomeunendurabletome，andtolivethereisworsethantorture。Frankly，Sasha，thepresenceofmywife，wholovesme，hasbecomeunbearable。Youareanoldfriend，littleSasha，youwillnotbeangrywithmeforspeakingsoopenly。Icametoyoutobecheered，butIamboredheretoo，somethingurgesmehomeagain。Forgiveme，I
　　shallslipawayatonce。
　　SASHA。Icanunderstandyourtrouble，Nicholas。Youareunhappybecauseyouarelonely。Youneedsomeoneatyoursidewhomyoucanlove，someonewhounderstandsyou。
　　IVANOFF。Whatanidea，Sasha！Fancyacrustyoldbadgerlikemyselfstartingaloveaffair！Heavenpreservemefromsuchmisfortune！No，mylittlesage，thisisnotacaseforromance。
　　Thefactis，IcanendureallIhavetosuffer：sadness，sicknessofmind，ruin，thelossofmywife，andmylonely，brokenoldage，butIcannot，Iwillnot，endurethecontemptIhaveformyself！IamnearlykilledbyshamewhenIthinkthatastrong，healthymanlikemyselfhasbecome——oh，heavenonlyknowswhat——bynomeansaManfredoraHamlet！TherearesomeunfortunateswhofeelflatteredwhenpeoplecallthemHamletsandcynics，buttomeitisaninsult。ItwoundsmyprideandIamtorturedbyshameandsufferagony。
　　SASHA。[Laughingthroughhertears]Nicholas，letusrunawaytoAmericatogether！
　　IVANOFF。Ihaven’ttheenergytotakesuchastepasthat，andbesides，inAmericayou——[Theygotowardthedoorintothegarden]Asamatteroffact，Sasha，thisisnotagoodplaceforyoutolive。WhenIlookaboutatthemenwhosurroundyouIamterrifiedforyou；whomisthereyoucouldmarry？Youronlychancewillbeifsomepassinglieutenantorstudentstealsyourheartandcarriesyouaway。
　　EnterZINAIDAthroughthedoorontherightwithajarofjam。
　　IVANOFF。Excuseme，Sasha，Ishalljoinyouinaminute。
　　SASHAgoesoutintothegarden。
　　IVANOFF。[ToZINAIDA]Zinaida，mayIaskyouafavour？
　　ZINAIDA。Whatisit？
　　IVANOFF。Thefactis，youknow，thattheinterestonmynoteisduedayafterto-morrow，butIshouldbemorethanobligedtoyouifyouwillletmepostponethepaymentofit，orwouldletmeaddtheinteresttothecapital。Isimplycannotpayitnow；I
　　haven’tthemoney。
　　ZINAIDA。Oh，Ivanoff，howcouldIdosuchathing？Woulditbebusiness-like？No，no，don’taskit，don’ttormentanunfortunateoldwoman。
　　IVANOFF。Ibegyourpardon。[Hegoesoutintothegarden。]
　　ZINAIDA。Oh，dear！Oh，dear！Whatafrighthegaveme！Iamtremblingallover。[Goesoutthroughthedoorontheright。]
　　EnterKOSICHthroughthedoorontheleft。Hewalksacrossthestage。
　　KOSICH。Ihadtheace，king，queen，andeightofdiamonds，theaceofspades，andone，justonelittleheart，andshe——maythefoulfiendflyawaywithher，——shecouldn’tmakealittleslam！
　　Goesoutthroughthedoorontheright。EnterfromthegardenAVDOTIAandFIRSTGUEST。
　　AVDOTIA。Oh，howIshouldliketogetmyclawsintoher，themiserableoldmiser！HowIshouldlikeit！Doesshethinkitajoketoleaveussittingheresincefiveo’clockwithoutevenofferingusacrusttoeat？Whatahouse！Whatmanagement！
　　FIRSTGUEST。IamsoboredthatIfeellikebeatingmyheadagainstthewall。Lord，whataqueerlotofpeople！Ishallsoonbehowlinglikeawolfandsnappingatthemfromhungerandweariness。
　　AVDOTIA。HowIshouldliketogetmyclawsintoher，theoldsinner！
　　FIRSTGUEST。Ishallgetadrink，oldlady，andthenhomeIgo！I
　　won’thaveanythingtodowiththesebellesofyours。Howthedevilcanamanthinkoflovewhohasn’thadadroptodrinksincedinner？
　　AVDOTIA。Comeon，wewillgoandfindsomething。
　　FIRSTGUEST。Sh！Softly！Ithinkthebrandyisinthesideboardinthedining-room。WewillfindGeorge！Sh！
　　Theygooutthroughthedoorontheleft。EnterANNAandLVOFF
　　throughthedoorontheright。
　　ANNA。No，theywillbegladtoseeus。Isnoonehere？Thentheymustbeinthegarden。
　　LVOFF。Ishouldliketoknowwhyyouhavebroughtmeintothisdenofwolves。Thisisnoplaceforyouandme；honourablepeopleshouldnotbesubjectedtosuchinfluencesasthese。
　　ANNA。Listentome，Mr。HonourableMan。Whenyouareescortingaladyitisverybadmannerstotalktoherthewholewayaboutnothingbutyourownhonesty。Suchbehaviourmaybeperfectlyhonest，butitisalsotedious，tosaytheleast。Nevertellawomanhowgoodyouare；letherfinditoutherself。MyNicholasusedonlytosingandtellstorieswhenhewasyoungasyouare，andyeteverywomanknewatoncewhatkindofamanhewas。
　　LVOFF。Don’ttalktomeofyourNicholas；Iknowallabouthim！
　　ANNA。Youareaveryworthyman，butyoudon’tknowanythingatall。Comeintothegarden。Heneversaid："Iamanhonestman；
　　thesesurroundingsaretoonarrowforme。"Heneverspokeofwolves’dens，calledpeoplebearsorvultures。Helefttheanimalkingdomalone，andthemostIhaveeverheardhimsaywhenhewasexcitedwas："Oh，howunjustIhavebeento-day！"or"Annie，Iamsorryforthatman。"That’swhathewouldsay，butyou——
　　ANNAandLVOFFgoout。EnterAVDOTIAandFIRSTGUESTthroughthedoorontheleft。
　　FIRSTGUEST。Thereisn’tanyinthedining-room，soitmustbesomewhereinthepantry。WemustfindGeorge。Comethisway，throughthesitting-room。
　　AVDOTIA。Oh，howIshouldliketogetmyclawsintoher！
　　Theygooutthroughthedoorontheright。MARTHAandBORKINruninlaughingfromthegarden。SHABELSKIcomesmincingbehindthem，laughingandrubbinghishands。
　　MARTHA。Oh，Iamsobored！[Laughsloudly]Thisisdeadly！Everyonelooksasifhehadswallowedapoker。Iamfrozentothemarrowbythisicydullness。[Sheskipsabout]Letusdosomething！
　　BORKINcatchesherbythewaistandkisseshercheek。
　　SHABELSKI。[Laughingandsnappinghisfingers]Well，I’llbehanged！[Cackling]Really，youknow！
　　MARTHA。Letgo！Letgo，youwretch！WhatwilltheCountthink？
　　Stop，Isay！
　　BORKIN。Angel！Jewel！Lendmetwenty-threehundredroubles。
　　MARTHA。Mostcertainlynot！Dowhatyouplease，butI’llthankyoutoleavemymoneyalone。No，no，no！Oh，letgo，willyou？
　　SHABELSKI。[Mincingaroundthem]Thelittlebirdiehasitscharms！[Seriously]Come，thatwilldo！
　　BORKIN。Letuscometothepoint，andconsidermypropositionfranklyasabusinessarrangement。Answermehonestly，withouttricksandequivocations，doyouagreetodoitornot？Listentome；[PointingtoShabelski]heneedsmoneytotheamountofatleastthreethousandayear；youneedahusband。DoyouwanttobeaCountess？
　　SHABELSKI。[Laughingloudly]Oh，thecynic！
　　BORKIN。DoyouwanttobeaCountessornot？
　　MARTHA。[Excitedly]Waitaminute；really，Misha，thesethingsaren’tdoneinasecondlikethis。IftheCountwantstomarryme，lethimaskmehimself，and——and——Idon’tsee，Idon’tunderstand——allthisissosudden——-
　　BORKIN。Come，don’tletusbeataboutthebush；thisisabusinessarrangement。Doyouagreeornot？
　　SHABELSKI。[Chucklingandrubbinghishands]SupposingIdomarryher，eh？Hangit，whyshouldn’tIplayherthisshabbytrick？
　　Whatdoyousay，littlepuss？[Hekisseshercheek]Dearestchick-a-biddy！
　　MARTHA。Stop！Stop！IhardlyknowwhatIamdoing。Goaway！
　　No——don’tgo！
　　BORKIN。Answeratonce：isityesorno？Wecan’tstandhereforever。
　　MARTHA。Lookhere，Count，comeandvisitmeforthreeorfourdays。Itisgayatmyhouse，notlikethisplace。Cometo-morrow。
　　[ToBORKIN]Oristhisallajoke？
　　BORKIN。[Angrily]HowcouldIjokeonsuchaserioussubject？
　　MARTHA。Wait！Stop！Oh，Ifeelfaint！ACountess！Iamfainting，Iamfalling！
　　BORKINandSHABELSKIlaughandcatchherbythearms。Theykisshercheeksandleadheroutthroughthedoorontheright。
　　IVANOFFandSASHAruninfromthegarden。
　　IVANOFF。[Desperatelyclutchinghishead]Itcan’tbetrue！Don’tSasha，don’t！Oh，Iimploreyounotto！
　　SASHA。Iloveyoumadly。Withoutyoumylifecanhavenomeaning，nohappiness，nohope。
　　IVANOFF。Why，whydoyousaythat？Whatdoyoumean？LittleSasha，don’tsayit！
　　SASHA。Youweretheonlyjoyofmychildhood；Ilovedyoubodyandsoulthen，asmyself，butnow——Oh，Iloveyou，Nicholas！Takemewithyoutotheendsoftheearth，whereveryouwish；butforheaven’ssakeletusgoatonce，orIshalldie。
　　IVANOFF。[Shakingwithwildlaughter]Whatisthis？Isitthebeginningformeofanewlife？Isit，Sasha？Oh，myhappiness，myjoy！[Hedrawshertohim]Myfreshness，myyouth！
　　EnterANNAfromthegarden。SheseesherhusbandandSASHA，andstopsasifpetrified。
　　IVANOFF。Oh，thenIshallliveoncemore？Andwork？
　　IVANOFFandSASHAkisseachother。AfterthekisstheylookaroundandseeANNA。
　　IVANOFF。[Withhorror]Sarah！
　　Thecurtainfalls。
　　ACTIII
　　LibraryinIVANOFF’Shouse。Onthewallshangmaps，pictures，guns，pistols，sickles，whips，etc。Awriting-table。Onitlieindisorderknick-knacks，papers，books，parcels，andseveralrevolvers。Nearthepapersstandalamp，adecanterofvodka，andaplateofsaltedherrings。Piecesofbreadandcucumberarescatteredabout。SHABELSKIandLEBEDIEFFaresittingatthewriting-table。BORKINissittingastrideachairinthemiddleoftheroom。PETERisstandingnearthedoor。
　　LEBEDIEFF。ThepolicyofFranceisclearanddefinite；theFrenchknowwhattheywant：itistoskinthoseGermansausages，buttheGermansmustsinganothersong；Franceisnottheonlythornintheirflesh。
　　SHABELSKI。Nonsense！InmyopiniontheGermansarecowardsandtheFrencharethesame。Theyareshowingtheirteethatoneanother，butyoucantakemywordforit，theywillnotdomorethanthat；they’llneverfight！
　　BORKIN。Whyshouldtheyfight？Whyallthesecongresses，thisarmingandexpense？DoyouknowwhatIwoulddointheirplace？I
　　wouldcatchallthedogsinthekingdomandinoculatethemwithPasteur’sserum，thenIwouldletthemlooseintheenemy’scountry，andtheenemieswouldallgomadinamonth。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Laughing]Hisheadissmall，butthegreatideasarehiddenawayinitlikefishinthesea！
　　SHABELSKI。Oh，heisagenius。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Heavenhelpyou，Misha，youareafunnychap。[Hestopslaughing]Buthowisthis，gentlemen？HerewearetalkingGermany，Germany，andneverawordaboutvodka！Repetatur！[Hefillsthreeglasses]Here’stoyouall！[Hedrinksandeats]Thisherringisthebestofallrelishes。
　　SHABELSKI。No，no，thesecucumbersarebetter；everywisemansincethecreationoftheworldhasbeentryingtoinventsomethingbetterthanasaltedcucumber，andnotonehassucceeded。[ToPETER]Peter，goandfetchsomemorecucumbers。
　　AndPeter，tellthecooktomakefourlittleonionpasties，andseethatwegetthemhot。
　　PETERgoesout。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Caviarisgoodwithvodka，butitmustbepreparedwithskill。Takeaquarterofapoundofpressedcaviar，twolittleonions，andalittleoliveoil；mixthemtogetherandputasliceoflemonontop——so！Lord！Theveryperfumewoulddriveyoucrazy！
　　BORKIN。Roastsnipearegoodtoo，buttheymustbecookedright。
　　Theyshouldfirstbecleaned，thensprinkledwithbreadcrumbs，androasteduntiltheywillcracklebetweentheteeth——crunch，crunch！
　　SHABELSKI。WehadsomethinggoodatMartha’syesterday：whitemushrooms。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Youdon’tsayso！
　　SHABELSKI。Andtheywereespeciallywellprepared，too，withonionsandbay-leavesandspices，youknow。Whenthedishwasopened，theodourthatfloatedoutwassimplyintoxicating！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Whatdoyousay，gentlemen？Repetatur！[Hedrinks]
　　Goodhealthtoyou！[Helooksathiswatch]Imustbegoing。I
　　can’twaitforNicholas。SoyousayMarthagaveyoumushrooms？Wehaven’tseenoneathome。Willyoupleasetellme，Count，whatplotyouarehatchingthattakesyoutoMartha’ssooften？
　　SHABELSKI。[NoddingatBORKIN]Hewantsmetomarryher。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Wantsyoutomarryher！Howoldareyou？
　　SHABELSKI。Sixty-two。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Really，youarejusttheagetomarry，aren’tyou？AndMarthaisjustsuitedtoyou！
　　BORKIN。ThisisnotaquestionofMartha，butofMartha’smoney。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Aren’tyoumoonstruck，anddon’tyouwantthemoontoo？
　　SHABELSKI。Borkinhereisquiteinearnestaboutit；thecleverfellowissureIshallobeyorders，andmarryMartha。
　　BORKIN。Whatdoyoumean？Aren’tyousureyourself？
　　SHABELSKI。Areyoumad？Ineverwassureofanything。Bah！
　　BORKIN。Manythanks！Iammuchobligedtoyoufortheinformation。Soyouaretryingtofoolme，areyou？FirstyousayyouwillmarryMarthaandthenyousayyouwon’t；thedevilonlyknowswhichyoureallymean，butIhavegivenhermywordofhonourthatyouwill。Soyouhavechangedyourmind，haveyou？
　　SHABELSKI。Heisactuallyinearnest；whatanextraordinaryman！
　　BORKIN。[losinghistemper]Ifthatishowyoufeelaboutit，whyhaveyouturnedanhonestwoman’shead？Herheartissetonyourtitle，andshecanneithereatnorsleepforthinkingofit。Howcanyoumakeajestofsuchthings？Doyouthinksuchbehaviourishonourable？
　　SHABELSKI。[Snappinghisfingers]Well，whynotplayherthisshabbytrick，afterall？Eh？Justoutofspite？Ishallcertainlydoit，uponmywordIshall！Whatajokeitwillbe！
　　EnterLVOFF。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Webowbeforeyou，Aesculapius！[HeshakeshandswithLVOFFandsings]
　　"Doctor，doctor，save，oh，saveme，Iamscaredtodeathofdying！"
　　LVOFF。Hasn’tIvanoffcomehomeyet？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Notyet。Ihavebeenwaitingforhimmyselfforoveranhour。
　　LVOFFwalksimpatientlyupanddown。
　　LEBEDIEFF。HowisAnnato-day？
　　LVOFF。Veryill。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Sighing]Mayonegoandpayone’srespectstoher？
　　LVOFF。No，pleasedon’t。Sheisasleep，Ibelieve。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Sheisalovely，charmingwoman。[Sighing]Thedayshefaintedatourhouse，onSasha’sbirthday，Isawthatshehadnotmuchlongertolive，poorthing。Letmesee，whydidshefaint？
　　WhenIranup，shewaslyingonthefloor，ashywhite，withNicholasonhiskneesbesideher，andSashawasstandingbythemintears。SashaandIwentaboutalmostcrazyforaweekafterthat。
　　SHABELSKI。[ToLVOFF]Tellme，mosthonoureddiscipleofscience，whatscholardiscoveredthatthefrequentvisitsofayoungdoctorwerebeneficialtoladiessufferingfromaffectionsofthechest？Itisaremarkablediscovery，remarkable！WouldyoucallsuchtreatmentAllopathicorHomeopathic？
　　LVOFFtriestoanswer，butmakesanimpatientgestureinstead，andwalksoutoftheroom。
　　SHABELSKI。Whatawitheringlookhegaveme！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Somefiendmustpromptyoutosaysuchthings！Whydidyouoffendhim？
　　SHABELSKI。[Angrily]Whydoeshetellsuchlies？Consumption！Nohope！Sheisdying！Itisnonsense，Ican’tabidehim！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Whatmakesyouthinkheislying？
　　SHABELSKI。[Getsupandwalksupanddown]Ican’tbeartothinkthatalivingpersoncoulddielikethat，suddenly，withoutanyreasonatall。Don’tletustalkaboutit！
　　KOSICHrunsinpanting。
　　KOSICH。IsIvanoffathome？Howdoyoudo？[Heshakeshandsquicklyallround]Isheathome？
　　BORKIN。No，heisn’t。
　　KOSICH。[Sitsdownandjumpsupagain]InthatcaseImustsaygoodbye；Imustbegoing。Business，youknow。Iamabsolutelyexhausted；runoffmyfeet！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Wheredidyoublowinfrom？
　　KOSICH。FromBarabanoff’s。HeandIhavebeenplayingcardsallnight；wehaveonlyjuststopped。Ihavebeenabsolutelyfleeced；
　　thatBarabanoffisademonatcards。[Inatearfulvoice]Justlistentothis：Ihadaheartandhe[HeturnstoBORKIN，whojumpsawayfromhim]ledadiamond，andIledaheart，andheledanotherdiamond。Well，hedidn’ttakethetrick。[ToLEBEDIEFF]
　　Wewereplayingthreeinclubs。Ihadtheaceandqueen，andtheaceandtenofspades——
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Stoppinguphisears]Spareme，forheaven’ssake，spareme！
　　KOSICH。[ToSHABELSKI]Doyouunderstand？Ihadtheaceandqueenofclubs，theaceandtenofspadesSHABELSKI。[Pusheshimaway]Goaway，Idon’twanttolistentoyou！
　　KOSICH。Whensuddenlymisfortuneovertookme。Myaceofspadestookthefirsttrick——
　　SHABELSKI。[Snatchinguparevolver]Leavetheroom，orIshallshoot！
　　KOSICH。[Wavinghishands]Whatdoesthismean？IsthistheAustralianbush，wherenoonehasanyinterestsincommon？Wherethereisnopublicspirit，andeachmanlivesforhimselfalone？
　　However，Imustbeoff。Mytimeisprecious。[HeshakeshandswithLEBEDIEFF]Pass！
　　Generallaughter。KOSICHgoesout。InthedoorwayherunsintoAVDOTIA。
　　AVDOTIA。[Shrieks]Badlucktoyou，younearlyknockedmedown。
　　ALL。Oh，sheisalwayseverywhereatonce！
　　AVDOTIA。Sothisiswhereyouallare？Ihavebeenlookingforyoualloverthehouse。Good-daytoyou，boys！
　　[Sheshakeshandswitheverybody。]
　　LEBEDIEFF。Whatbringsyouhere？
　　AVDOTIA。Business，myson。[ToSHABELSKI]Businessconnectedwithyourhighness。Shecommandedmetobow。[Shebows]Andtoinquireafteryourhealth。Shetoldmetosay，thelittlebirdie，thatifyoudidnotcometoseeherthiseveningshewouldcryhereyesout。Takehimaside，shesaid，andwhisperinhisear。ButwhyshouldImakeasecretofhermessage？Wearenotstealingchickens，butarranginganaffairoflawfullovebymutualconsentofbothparties。Andnow，althoughIneverdrink，Ishalltakeadropunderthesecircumstances。
　　LEBEDIEFF。SoshallI。[Hepoursoutthevodka]Youmustbeimmortal，youoldmagpie！YouwereanoldwomanwhenIfirstknewyou，thirtyyearsago。
　　AVDOTIA。Ihavelostcountoftheyears。Ihaveburiedthreehusbands，andwouldhavemarriedafourthifanyonehadwantedawomanwithoutadowry。Ihavehadeightchildren。[Shetakesuptheglass]Well，wehavebegunagoodwork，mayitcometoagoodend！Theywilllivehappilyeverafter，andweshallenjoytheirhappiness。Loveandgoodlucktothemboth！[Shedrinks]Thisisstrongvodka！
　　SHABELSKI。[laughingloudly，toLEBEDIEFF]Thefunnythingis，theyactuallythinkIaminearnest。Howstrange！[Hegetsup]
　　Andyet，Paul，whyshouldn’tIplayherthisshabbytrick？Justoutofspite？Togivethedevilsomethingtodo，eh，Paul？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Youaretalkingnonsense，Count。YouandImustfixourthoughtsondyingnow；wehaveleftMartha’smoneyfarbehindus；ourdayisover。
　　SHABELSKI。No，Ishallcertainlymarryher；uponmyword，I
　　shall！
　　EnterIVANOFFandLVOFF。
　　LVOFF。Willyoupleasesparemefiveminutesofyourtime？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Hallo，Nicholas！[HegoestomeetIVANOFF]Howareyou，oldfriend？Ihavebeenwaitinganhourforyou。
　　AVDOTIA。[Bows]Howdoyoudo，myson？
　　IVANOFF。[Bitterly]Soyouhaveturnedmylibraryintoabar-roomagain，haveyou？AndyetIhavebeggedyouallathousandtimesnottodoso！[Hegoesuptothetable]There，yousee，youhavespiltvodkaallovermypapersandscatteredcrumbsandcucumberseverywhere！Itisdisgusting！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Ibegyourpardon，Nicholas。Pleaseforgiveme。Ihavesomethingveryimportanttospeaktoyouabout。
　　BORKIN。SohaveI。
　　LVOFF。MayIhaveawordwithyou？
　　IVANOFF。[PointingtoLEBEDIEFF]Hewantstospeaktome；waitaminute。[ToLEBEDIEFF]Well，whatisit？
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Totheothers]Excuseme，ladiesandgentlemen，I
　　wanttospeaktohiminprivate。
　　SHABELSKIgoesout，followedbyAVDOTIA，BORKIN，andLVOFF。
　　IVANOFF。Paul，youmaydrinkyourselfasmuchasyouchoose，itisyourweakness，butImustaskyounottomakemyuncletipsy。
　　Heneverusedtodrinkatall；itisbadforhim。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Startled]Mydearboy，Ididn’tknowthat！Iwasn’tthinkingofhimatall。
　　IVANOFF。Ifthisoldbabyshoulddieonmyhandstheblamewouldbemine，notyours。Now，whatdoyouwant？[Apause。]
　　LEBEDIEFF。Thefactis，Nicholas——Ireallydon’tknowhowIcanputittomakeitseemlessbrutal——Nicholas，Iamashamedofmyself，Iamblushing，mytonguestickstotheroofofmymouth。
　　Mydearboy，putyourselfinmyplace；rememberthatIamnotafreeman，Iamasputtyinthehandsofmywife，aslave——forgiveme！
　　IVANOFF。Whatdoesthismean？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Mywifehassentmetoyou；domeafavour，beafriendtome，payhertheinterestonthemoneyyouoweher。
　　Believeme，shehasbeentormentingmeandgoingformetoothandnail。Forheaven’ssake，freeyourselffromherclutches！
　　IVANOFF。Youknow，Paul，thatIhavenomoneynow。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Iknow，Iknow，butwhatcanIdo？Shewon’twait。Ifsheshouldsueyouforthemoney，howcouldSashaandIeverlookyouinthefaceagain？
　　IVANOFF。Iamreadytosinkthroughthefloorwithshame，Paul，butwhere，whereshallIgetthemoney？Tellme，where？ThereisnothingIcandobuttowaituntilIsellmywheatintheautumn。
　　LEBEDIEFF。[Shrieks]Butshewon’twait！[Apause。]
　　IVANOFF。Yourpositionisverydelicateandunpleasant，butmineisevenworse。[Hewalksupanddownindeepthought]Iamatmywit’send，thereisnothingIcansellnow。
　　LEBEDIEFF。YoumightgotoMulbachandgetsomemoneyfromhim；
　　doesn’theoweyousixtythousandroubles？
　　IVANOFFmakesadespairinggesture。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Listentome，Nicholas，Iknowyouwillbeangry，butyoumustforgiveanolddrunkardlikeme。Thisisbetweenfriends；rememberIamyourfriend。Wewerestudentstogether，bothLiberals；wehadthesameinterestsandideals；westudiedtogetherattheUniversityofMoscow。ItisourAlmaMater。[Hetakesouthispurse]Ihaveaprivatefundhere；notasoulathomeknowsofitsexistence。Letmelendittoyou。[Hetakesoutthemoneyandlaysitonthetable]Forgetyourpride；thisisbetweenfriends！Ishouldtakeitfromyou，indeedIshould！[A
　　pause]Thereisthemoney，onehundredthousandroubles。Takeit；
　　gotoheryourselfandsay："Takethemoney，Zinaida，andmayyouchokeonit。"Only，forheaven’ssake，don’tletherseebyyourmannerthatyougotitfromme，orshewouldcertainlygoforme，withheroldjam！[HelooksintentlyintoIVANOFF’Sface]
　　There，there，nomatter。[Hequicklytakesupthemoneyandstuffsitbackintohispocket]Don’ttakeit，Iwasonlyjoking。
　　Forgiveme！Areyouhurt？
　　IVANOFFwaveshishand。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Yes，thetruthis——[Hesighs]Thisisatimeofsorrowandpainforyou。Aman，brother，islikeasamovar；hecannotalwaysstandcoollyonashelf；hotcoalswillbedroppedintohimsomeday，andthen——fizz！Thecomparisonisidiotic，butitisthebestIcanthinkof。[Sighing]Misfortuneswringthesoul，andyetIamnotworriedaboutyou，brother。Wheatgoesthroughthemill，andcomesoutasflour，andyouwillcomesafelythroughyourtroubles；butIamannoyed，Nicholas，andangrywiththepeoplearoundyou。Thewholecountrysideisbuzzingwithgossip；wheredoesitallstart？Theysayyouwillbesoonarrestedforyourdebts，thatyouareabloodthirstymurderer，amonsterofcruelty，arobber。
　　IVANOFF。Allthatisnothingtome；myheadisaching。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Becauseyouthinksomuch。
　　IVANOFF。Ineverthink。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Come，Nicholas，snapyourfingersatthewholething，anddriveovertovisitus。Sashalovesandunderstandsyou。Sheisasweet，honest，lovelygirl；toogoodtobethechildofhermotherandme！Sometimes，whenIlookather，Icannotbelievethatsuchatreasurecouldbelongtoafatolddrunkardlikeme。
　　Gotoher，talktoher，andlethercheeryou。Sheisagood，true-heartedgirl。
　　IVANOFF。Paul，mydearfriend，pleasego，andleavemealone。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Iunderstand，Iunderstand！[Heglancesathiswatch]
　　Yes，Iunderstand。[HekissesIVANOFF]Good-bye，Imustgototheblessingoftheschoolnow。[Hegoesasfarasthedoor，thenstops]Sheissoclever！SashaandIweretalkingaboutgossipingyesterday，andsheflashedoutthisepigram："Father，"shesaid，"fire-fliesshineatnightsothatthenight-birdsmaymakethemtheirprey，andgoodpeoplearemadetobepreyeduponbygossipsandslanderers。"Whatdoyouthinkofthat？Sheisagenius，anotherGeorgeSand！
　　IVANOFF。[Stoppinghimashegoesout]Paul，whatisthematterwithme？
　　LEBEDIEFF。Ihavewantedtoaskyouthatmyself，butImustconfessIwasashamedto。Idon’tknow，oldchap。SometimesI
　　thinkyourtroubleshavebeentooheavyforyou，andyetIknowyouarenotthekindtogiveintothem；youwouldnotbeovercomebymisfortune。Itmustbesomethingelse，Nicholas，butwhatitmaybeIcan’timagine。
　　IVANOFF。Ican’timagineeitherwhatthematteris，unless——andyetno——[Apause]Well，doyousee，thisiswhatIwantedtosay。IusedtohaveaworkmancalledSimon，yourememberhim。
　　Once，atthreshing-time，toshowthegirlshowstronghewas，heloadedhimselfwithtwosacksofrye，andbrokehisback。Hediedsoonafter。IthinkIhavebrokenmybackalso。FirstIwenttoschool，thentotheuniversity，thencamethecaresofthisestate，allmyplans——Ididnotbelievewhatothersdid；didnotmarryasothersdid；Iworkedpassionately，riskedeverything；nooneelse，asyouknow，threwtheirmoneyawaytorightandleftasIdid。SoIheapedtheburdensonmyback，anditbroke。Weareallheroesattwenty，readytoattackanything，todoeverything，andatthirtyareworn-out，uselessmen。How，oh，howdoyouaccountforthisweariness？However，Imaybequitewrong；
　　goaway，Paul，Iamboringyou。
　　LEBEDIEFF。Iknowwhatisthematterwithyou，oldman：yougotoutofbedonthewrongsidethismorning。
　　IVANOFF。Thatisstupid，Paul，andstale。Goaway！
　　LEBEDIEFF。Itisstupid，certainly。Iseethatmyselfnow。Iamgoingatonce。[LEBEDIEFFgoesout。
　　IVANOFF。[Alone]Iamaworthless，miserable，uselessman。Onlyamanequallymiserableandsuffering，asPaulis，couldloveoresteemmenow。GoodGod！HowIloathemyself！HowbitterlyIhatemyvoice，myhands，mythoughts，theseclothes，eachstepItake！
　　Howridiculousitis，howdisgusting！LessthanayearagoIwashealthyandstrong，fullofprideandenergyandenthusiasm。I
　　workedwiththesehandshere，andmywordscouldmovethedullestmantotears。Icouldweepwithsorrow，andgrowindignantatthesightofwrong。Icouldfeeltheglowofinspiration，andunderstandthebeautyandromanceofthesilentnightswhichI
　　usedtowatchthroughfromeveninguntildawn，sittingatmyworktable，andgivingupmysoultodreams。Ibelievedinabrightfuturethen，andlookedintoitastrustfullyasachildlooksintoitsmother’seyes。Andnow，oh，itisterrible！Iamtiredandwithouthope；Ispendmydaysandnightsinidleness；I
　　havenocontrolovermyfeetorbrain。Myestateisruined，mywoodsarefallingundertheblowsoftheaxe。[Heweeps]Myneglectedlandlooksupatmeasreproachfullyasanorphan。I
　　expectnothing，amsorryfornothing；mywholesoultremblesatthethoughtofeachnewday。AndwhatcanIthinkofmytreatmentofSarah？Ipromisedherloveandhappinessforever；Iopenedhereyestothepromiseofafuturesuchasshehadneverevendreamedof。Shebelievedme，andthoughforfiveyearsIhaveseenhersinkingundertheweightofhersacrificestome，andlosingherstrengthinherstruggleswithherconscience，Godknowsshehasnevergivenmeoneangrylook，orutteredonewordofreproach。Whatistheresult？ThatIdon’tloveher！Why？Isitpossible？Canitbetrue？Ican’tunderstand。Sheissuffering；herdaysarenumbered；yetIflylikeacontemptiblecowardfromherwhiteface，hersunkenchest，herpleadingeyes。
　　Oh，Iamashamed，ashamed！[Apause]Sasha，ayounggirl，issorryformeinmymisery。Sheconfessestomethatshelovesme；
　　me，almostanoldman！WhereuponIlosemyhead，andexaltedasifbymusic，Iyell："Hurrahforanewlifeandnewhappiness！"
　　NextdayIbelieveinthisnewlifeandhappinessaslittleasI
　　believeinmyhappinessathome。Whatisthematterwithme？WhatisthispitIamwallowingin？Whatisthecauseofthisweakness？Whatdoesthisnervousnesscomefrom？Ifmysickwifewoundsmypride，ifaservantmakesamistake，ifmygunmissesfire，Ilosemytemperandgetviolentandaltogetherunlikemyself。Ican’t，Ican’tunderstandit；theeasiestwayoutwouldbeabulletthroughthehead！
　　EnterLVOFF。
　　LVOFF。Imusthaveanexplanationwithyou，Ivanoff。
　　IVANOFF。Ifwearegoingtohaveanexplanationeveryday，doctor，weshallneitherofushavethestrengthtostandit。
　　LVOFF。Willyoubegoodenoughtohearme？
　　IVANOFF。Ihaveheardallyouhavetoldmeeveryday，andhavefailedtodiscoveryetwhatyouwantmetodo。
　　LVOFF。Ihavealwaysspokenplainlyenough，andonlyanutterlyheartlessandcruelmancouldfailtounderstandme。
　　IVANOFF。Iknowthatmywifeisdying；IknowthatIhavesinnedirreparably；Iknowthatyouareanhonestman。Whatmorecanyoutellme？
　　LVOFF。Thesightofhumancrueltymaddensme。Thewomanisdyingandshehasamotherandfatherwhomsheloves，andlongstoseeoncemorebeforeshedies。Theyknowthatsheisdyingandthatshelovesthemstill，butwithdiabolicalcruelty，asiftoflaunttheirreligiouszeal，theyrefusetoseeherandforgiveher。Youarethemanforwhomshehassacrificedherhome，herpeaceofmind，everything。YetyouunblushinglygogaddingtotheLebedieffs’everyevening，forreasonsthatareabsolutelyunmistakable！
　　IVANOFF。Ahme，itistwoweekssinceIwasthere！